Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Clayton Tells All

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Clayton Tells All · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

0:00
Speaker 1: This is the Benn and Ashley I almost famous podcast
0:03
Speaker 1: with her Radio Ashley, it's a big day for us. Um,
0:09
Speaker 1: it's a tough day for our guest, but a big
0:12
Speaker 1: day for us. Oh my gosh, big, big day. Gonna
0:17
Speaker 1: be honest, A little nervous for this interview, are you? Yeah?
0:21
Speaker 1: You know, because I don't know what to expect from
0:23
Speaker 1: this guy anymore. And this guy that I referred to
0:27
Speaker 1: its Clayton. Clayton. Clayton is here with us today. Clayton
0:30
Speaker 1: is joining us today to do a sit down. We're
0:33
Speaker 1: gonna talk to him about everything going on in the show. Um. Obviously, UM,
0:39
Speaker 1: it's been a well let's let's get his opinion. I
0:41
Speaker 1: guess I don't want to put words into his mouth.
0:43
Speaker 1: I'm assuming it's been a tough couple of months. One
0:47
Speaker 1: of the hardest UM rides as a lead I can remember,
0:52
Speaker 1: meaning from really start to finish, it hasn't felt like Um,
0:56
Speaker 1: there is a ton of team Colton or team Clayton
1:00
Speaker 1: switched spots, dang it. Um, you know, And so I
1:05
Speaker 1: want to talk to him about I want to hear
1:07
Speaker 1: how he's holding up, because that I was always important
1:10
Speaker 1: when it comes to a human. It's like, you know,
1:13
Speaker 1: nobody here wants anybody to um like her. However, we
1:19
Speaker 1: want them to learn their lesson. Yeah, but being held
1:21
Speaker 1: accountable is definitely something that's necessary. And so let's hold
1:25
Speaker 1: Clayton accountable for the things he's done throughout the season,
1:28
Speaker 1: and especially the conversation with Susie. We'll get his thoughts
1:32
Speaker 1: here in just a second. Um, actual, let's take a break,
1:35
Speaker 1: Let's get a glass of water, come back, and let's
1:37
Speaker 1: talk to Clayton. All right, well, Clayton is on the line. Clayton,
1:53
Speaker 1: how do you feel today? You can give us as
1:56
Speaker 1: many words as you need to describe your feelings. Yeah,
2:01
Speaker 1: I mean I'm gosh, I mean, woke up with a
2:04
Speaker 1: pounding headache, just stressed out. I'm embarrassed. I knew that
2:09
Speaker 1: this month was coming. I'd kind of alluded to it
2:13
Speaker 1: previous weeks, and so yeah, I'm not exactly shocked by
2:19
Speaker 1: the reactions online, although it appears that, yeah, I mean,
2:23
Speaker 1: it's heavily people are very much against me and favoring her.
2:27
Speaker 1: But I totally understand now, I totally get what I'm seeing,
2:31
Speaker 1: and I think that it's Yeah, I mean, I'm embarrassed.
2:34
Speaker 1: I wish that I could have seen her side in
2:36
Speaker 1: that moment um and I I just didn't. In that moment,
2:41
Speaker 1: I didn't see her side. I didn't want to see
2:43
Speaker 1: her side because I knew if I saw her side
2:47
Speaker 1: and accepted it, that it was it was. That was
2:49
Speaker 1: the end of it, right then and there. And so
2:51
Speaker 1: I know we'll jump in this, and I have a
2:53
Speaker 1: million thoughts already. I'm like, here we go. I'm already
2:54
Speaker 1: starting ramble. But I just there's so much that I
2:57
Speaker 1: wish that I would have done differently, and I wish
2:59
Speaker 1: I could have seen her side. But I was when
3:02
Speaker 1: she dropped that news on me. I just was crushed
3:04
Speaker 1: watching this person, and I thought I may get engaged
3:06
Speaker 1: to essentially say hey, I'm done and it's over and
3:09
Speaker 1: there's nothing you can do. And that just my emotions
3:11
Speaker 1: overcame me and and that's what everyone saw. But essentially,
3:16
Speaker 1: essentially you're the one to tell her to leave. I mean,
3:23
Speaker 1: yes and no, I know that again, like from what
3:26
Speaker 1: people saw, she she said, you know, hey, I can't
3:31
Speaker 1: look past this. And then multiple times in that conversation,
3:35
Speaker 1: I asked like, can we work past this? And she
3:37
Speaker 1: just said, you know, no, I can, I'm not able to.
3:40
Speaker 1: And so at that point, I realized that there's no
3:42
Speaker 1: more reason for us to talk like I have tried.
3:44
Speaker 1: I've asked three or four times to work through this.
3:47
Speaker 1: If we can get past this, can we take some
3:49
Speaker 1: time off camera and talk this through. And she's said,
3:53
Speaker 1: you know, I don't think it's gonna change anything, and
3:54
Speaker 1: so um at that point, I felt that there was
3:58
Speaker 1: no reason to keep it going. And that's when I listen,
4:00
Speaker 1: there's no we're not getting anywhere. My emotions, I knew
4:03
Speaker 1: were getting the best to me. That's why I told
4:05
Speaker 1: him like I apologize, like my for raising my voice,
4:08
Speaker 1: and I knew that it wasn't productive any longer. It
4:11
Speaker 1: was too emotional, and I had to step away. Unfortunately,
4:14
Speaker 1: this isn't a conversation where you can step away and
4:16
Speaker 1: revisit the next day, because it's the show. It's like,
4:20
Speaker 1: once she's gone, it's gone, She's done, and that's it.
4:22
Speaker 1: And I just I knew I was not nego to
4:25
Speaker 1: headspace at that place, and I had to just stop
4:27
Speaker 1: the conversation from continuing. You you say you're not in
4:32
Speaker 1: a good headspace. Can we go back? Because I think
4:35
Speaker 1: you know you just said you woke up with a
4:38
Speaker 1: pounding headache. I'm assuming it wasn't from drinking. Um, I'm
4:41
Speaker 1: assuming it was from just stress. The stress, the you're
4:49
Speaker 1: watching it back and now reliving that moment and now
4:51
Speaker 1: seeing so many people, millions of people watch it last
4:55
Speaker 1: night and have opinions on it. Right, Um, we go
5:00
Speaker 1: back then for everybody to get some clarity on why
5:02
Speaker 1: you got so emotional, like why you're inside started to
5:06
Speaker 1: come out, you know, through your mouth in ways that
5:09
Speaker 1: you probably wouldn't have wanted. And now you do look
5:12
Speaker 1: back and say, you know you regret. Yeah, it's it's
5:17
Speaker 1: it's really as I watched it back last night, I
5:21
Speaker 1: see it now from the outside and I see her
5:24
Speaker 1: a side completely and it's like and to me, I
5:27
Speaker 1: watched it and I thought, how could you not see
5:29
Speaker 1: that in that moment? And I want to say this again.
5:31
Speaker 1: I just want to be able to provide explanation so
5:33
Speaker 1: people can understand my thought process, because my thought process
5:36
Speaker 1: then is different than my thought process as now. And
5:39
Speaker 1: I accept ful accountability for my actions. I'm not trying
5:41
Speaker 1: to make any excuses. I hope no one. I hope
5:43
Speaker 1: everyone understands that this is just me explaining what I
5:46
Speaker 1: was thinking in that moment. Doesn't mean it was right,
5:48
Speaker 1: but I essentially believed in the process. I stepped in
5:55
Speaker 1: as the bachelor and I said, Okay, I'm in a
5:57
Speaker 1: day thirty woman, and this will be acceptable. You know,
6:00
Speaker 1: this is the only environment where you can kiss a
6:02
Speaker 1: woman in front of thirty other women and they're going
6:04
Speaker 1: to still stick around and and and try to be
6:06
Speaker 1: with you the next day. You could never do that
6:09
Speaker 1: in the real world with people, you know. You know,
6:11
Speaker 1: it's just not feasible, and so you start to think that, Okay,
6:14
Speaker 1: things work differently here, so there's a little bit of leeway,
6:18
Speaker 1: and so just it's not real world applicable. Because of that,
6:23
Speaker 1: I started to adapt to the environment, and I started
6:26
Speaker 1: to say, Okay, well, I'm assuming that these women understand
6:29
Speaker 1: how fancy to see fancy sweets go. I'm assuming they
6:32
Speaker 1: understand I might fall in love with multiple women. So
6:36
Speaker 1: that's just that's unknown. And what I saw, as we
6:41
Speaker 1: saw last night, is that Susie did not adapt to
6:45
Speaker 1: the environment. She stayed herself her true self from outside
6:49
Speaker 1: the show versus coming into the show, and I commend
6:51
Speaker 1: her for that. I think that's incredibly respectful that the
6:55
Speaker 1: disconnect was I adapted, she didn't, and we were on
6:58
Speaker 1: these two different fields of understanding. And as I look
7:01
Speaker 1: back at it now from being on the outside of it,
7:04
Speaker 1: that's now I'm like, Okay, yeah, her side of it
7:07
Speaker 1: makes complete sense. Why could you not see it? And
7:09
Speaker 1: I just couldn't in that moment because I was very
7:12
Speaker 1: entrenched in that belief that things work differently there. So
7:16
Speaker 1: what would have happened if she had the first fantasy
7:19
Speaker 1: suite and she would have told you, I can't be
7:24
Speaker 1: here any longer if you sleep with anyone else. Yeah,
7:28
Speaker 1: you know, it's tough about what if scenario, because again,
7:31
Speaker 1: what happened happened. And I would like to believe that
7:36
Speaker 1: if she went first and she gave me the ultimatum,
7:39
Speaker 1: that I would have sat back and said, Okay, you
7:41
Speaker 1: realize if you take forward, take any more action going forward,
7:45
Speaker 1: that this could be it for you too. I was
7:49
Speaker 1: never faced with the end of the line with us
7:51
Speaker 1: until that point that you saw last night. So I
7:55
Speaker 1: would like to think that when I, if I realized
7:58
Speaker 1: the door was going to either be open or closed
8:00
Speaker 1: from that point forward, depending on based on my actions,
8:04
Speaker 1: that I would have. I would have not been intimate
8:10
Speaker 1: with probably anybody at that point because I wouldn't want
8:13
Speaker 1: to mix it up. But my feelings of falling in
8:16
Speaker 1: love with the women were already there at that point.
8:18
Speaker 1: They were already there at the beginning of fancy suites.
8:22
Speaker 1: So if I would have sat and talked to her
8:24
Speaker 1: and said I'm in love with these other two women
8:26
Speaker 1: as well, and she said that's a deal breaker, then
8:29
Speaker 1: it wouldn't have mattered if she went first or third.
8:31
Speaker 1: The only thing that I could have changed is, Okay,
8:33
Speaker 1: I cannot be intimate with anybody and protect everyone, and
8:37
Speaker 1: I believe I would have done that, but I would
8:39
Speaker 1: have still had the feelings. I started following up these
8:41
Speaker 1: women back in hometowns, maybe even before. I didn't tell
8:45
Speaker 1: anybody going into hometowns because again I was still trying
8:49
Speaker 1: to make sense of it. On fighting the fact that
8:51
Speaker 1: I was I had fallen from multiple women, and I
8:53
Speaker 1: didn't want to believe it because I knew it would
8:54
Speaker 1: get mess in now everyone sees like it did, and
8:57
Speaker 1: I didn't want to. I told myself, I will not
8:58
Speaker 1: fall in love with multile women, and I fought it
9:00
Speaker 1: and fought it and fought it and held back those
9:02
Speaker 1: emotions and then realized that, like, those emotions were there,
9:06
Speaker 1: and I did feel that way about those women, so
9:09
Speaker 1: I know it doesn't make sense. And again people say
9:11
Speaker 1: you can't fall in love with three women, and it's like, okay,
9:13
Speaker 1: then you won't ever believe me, But I did, and
9:15
Speaker 1: I'll swear I swear about it. You can put a
9:17
Speaker 1: lie detector test on me like I did. I fell
9:20
Speaker 1: in love with multiple women and I can't take that back.
9:22
Speaker 1: But if she'd went first, I believe I probably would
9:25
Speaker 1: just not have slept with any of them. Okay, well,
9:29
Speaker 1: you said in that scene that you loved her the most.
9:31
Speaker 1: When did you start feeling that or do you feel
9:33
Speaker 1: like that was just a reaction in the moment. No.
9:37
Speaker 1: I I started feeling that right around hometowns and right
9:44
Speaker 1: after things went so great with her family. And again
9:50
Speaker 1: I compartmentalize these relationships where when I was just with them,
9:53
Speaker 1: I that's all I saw because I thought that was
9:56
Speaker 1: the right way to approach. It was like, if you
9:57
Speaker 1: want to give this a fair shot, when you're with
9:59
Speaker 1: this woman and you're only with her, there are no
10:01
Speaker 1: other women you want to pour into that that person
10:04
Speaker 1: a percent. But then once I would step away, I'd realize, okay, wait,
10:07
Speaker 1: so where do I feel? How do I feel? And
10:09
Speaker 1: of course they weren't all equivalent going into fancy suitets.
10:12
Speaker 1: There were you know, I had more love for, like
10:14
Speaker 1: I said, Susie than I did for neither Gabby or Rachel.
10:18
Speaker 1: But going into fancy suitets, my thought well as is
10:21
Speaker 1: that deal breakers can come up. Um, we might not
10:24
Speaker 1: have any physical intimacy. And if Susie and I happened,
10:27
Speaker 1: if that wouldn't have happened, and we would have went
10:28
Speaker 1: into fancy suits and be were intimate and we had
10:31
Speaker 1: no compatibility sexually, then that would have shifted. I would
10:35
Speaker 1: have now been in potentially more in love with one
10:37
Speaker 1: of the other two women. Because physical intimacy is such
10:39
Speaker 1: a critical part of relationship. I cannot get engaged to
10:42
Speaker 1: somebody if there's no sexual chemistry. It's just that's just me.
10:46
Speaker 1: Maybe that's not everybody else's, but for me, that's so critical.
10:49
Speaker 1: If I'm going to get engaged, that has to be there. Let's, um,
10:55
Speaker 1: let's talk a bit. I mean, I'm interested, right, because
10:59
Speaker 1: I've been there. I get it. Um, people people were
11:06
Speaker 1: really confused when I told two women I loved them. Uh,
11:10
Speaker 1: everything was going pretty good for me the show, people
11:14
Speaker 1: were watching it, people were into it. And then all
11:16
Speaker 1: of a sudden, I did this thing. And I didn't
11:19
Speaker 1: know how big of a deal it was until it happened.
11:22
Speaker 1: I had no prep. I was even nervous about the
11:25
Speaker 1: episode hearing. I actually thought everybody be like, Oh that
11:27
Speaker 1: was That'd be so hard, Like that's such a tough
11:30
Speaker 1: place for your heart to be at. Instead, I you know, um,
11:34
Speaker 1: I felt some of the pain that I think you're
11:37
Speaker 1: feeling today and some of the confusion. So for a
11:39
Speaker 1: second here, let's talk about why you decided to say
11:42
Speaker 1: what you did and express those emotions. You've touched on it.
11:46
Speaker 1: But ultimately, when you sat down and you made the
11:48
Speaker 1: intentional decision to tell two women at that point or
11:51
Speaker 1: and then three that you were in love with them,
11:54
Speaker 1: why did you think that was a good idea. I mean,
12:00
Speaker 1: I didn't think it was a good idea because you
12:03
Speaker 1: don't want to tell multiple women that you're in love
12:06
Speaker 1: with them. I mean, just look at it from the
12:08
Speaker 1: standpoint of I told a woman that I love that
12:11
Speaker 1: I'm the most in love with you implying I was
12:13
Speaker 1: in love with other women. I mean, in what sense
12:16
Speaker 1: would again, would you move forward with when get engaged
12:18
Speaker 1: with so many three days later? If you're saying, hey,
12:20
Speaker 1: I'm in love with you, but I'm also in love
12:21
Speaker 1: with other women, it doesn't make sense. Now I see
12:23
Speaker 1: them like, it does not make sense. But I made
12:26
Speaker 1: it make sense in that moment. I had to make
12:28
Speaker 1: it make sense because if against Susie and I didn't
12:31
Speaker 1: have any physical intimacy, no compatibility, then I will say, Okay,
12:35
Speaker 1: well that's that's no longer. We're not gonna work out.
12:37
Speaker 1: So now I need to focus on these other two
12:39
Speaker 1: relationships and who I feel most compatible with. But this
12:43
Speaker 1: goes back to if I would have withheld those emotions.
12:49
Speaker 1: I did. I did actually with all those emotions. I
12:51
Speaker 1: was falling for Serene as well, and I had and
12:55
Speaker 1: when she told me when I sent her home and
12:59
Speaker 1: she and very upset, she was I just want to know,
13:01
Speaker 1: is it because of what I said and she was
13:03
Speaker 1: talking about? Is because I told you I was in
13:06
Speaker 1: love with you? And is that why you turn't shut down?
13:09
Speaker 1: And in that moment, I realized because I had not
13:12
Speaker 1: validated her or given her any explanation or any clue
13:15
Speaker 1: as to where I stood with her, that everything was
13:18
Speaker 1: invalidated to her at that moment, and she felt that
13:21
Speaker 1: because she opened up, it shut me down, and my
13:24
Speaker 1: fear was going forward if that happened to her, what
13:27
Speaker 1: happens if these other women start to feel the same way.
13:29
Speaker 1: They don't know where I stand. So how am I
13:32
Speaker 1: gonna When am I going to tell them? And it's
13:34
Speaker 1: gonna wait all the way until the final the final
13:37
Speaker 1: week right for engagement and tell someone right there that hey,
13:39
Speaker 1: I'm in love with you. I think that's to me,
13:42
Speaker 1: it's like they need to know your in love with
13:44
Speaker 1: them before you get engaged. You tell them right there
13:46
Speaker 1: and there the day of it, just when I don't
13:48
Speaker 1: know when is the right time to tell somebody on
13:50
Speaker 1: the on that ship, on the show, when you're falling
13:52
Speaker 1: in love with them, and I know people say, okay,
13:55
Speaker 1: well you she just told one person what I was.
13:58
Speaker 1: I was in love with multiple women. I don't so
14:00
Speaker 1: I felt that I should tell them all at the
14:03
Speaker 1: same time. After this this, after Hometowns, that's just the
14:06
Speaker 1: next time I saw him was overnights and I felt
14:09
Speaker 1: I was like, this is where you're at so you
14:10
Speaker 1: need to let these women know as soon as possible
14:14
Speaker 1: when you told him, because I mean, I'm trying to
14:18
Speaker 1: go back into that season of life. I remember I
14:21
Speaker 1: was telling Ashley yesterday. I remember walking around my hotel room.
14:23
Speaker 1: I was in Jamaica and um processing through what I
14:29
Speaker 1: was going to do that week, and there was a
14:31
Speaker 1: moment for me. And I've always said this, the reason
14:35
Speaker 1: I finally decided to do it was exactly what you
14:37
Speaker 1: just said. So I would agree with you. I don't
14:39
Speaker 1: know if it's right or wrong. I just agree with you. Well,
14:41
Speaker 1: I felt like, hey, I want to value I know
14:43
Speaker 1: one of these people are going to be going home
14:46
Speaker 1: at the end of this, maybe both of them if
14:47
Speaker 1: it backfires on me here, but at least one of them.
14:51
Speaker 1: And what I want them to know is how important
14:53
Speaker 1: this was for me. Also, I don't want them to
14:56
Speaker 1: leave without knowing that this was real for me. And
15:00
Speaker 1: so the validation in my mind call me right or wrong.
15:05
Speaker 1: And and now you know, I look back six years
15:08
Speaker 1: and say I regret saying I don't regret feeling and
15:11
Speaker 1: I'm not saying I didn't. I just don't think it
15:13
Speaker 1: was the wise thing to do. I don't think it
15:15
Speaker 1: was is it didn't keep things uh clean, it messed
15:19
Speaker 1: stuff up, which I think you're probably experiencing. But the
15:22
Speaker 1: validation side of this was exactly why I did it.
15:26
Speaker 1: And so after you said it to them then like
15:29
Speaker 1: it's you know the first two at least, um, was
15:32
Speaker 1: there a weightlifted, like did you feel like, oh, though
15:34
Speaker 1: this was the good decision or was there like a
15:37
Speaker 1: hint of already regret in your mind going I think
15:40
Speaker 1: I might have just messed this whole thing up. In
15:44
Speaker 1: the moment when I told you to the women, the
15:46
Speaker 1: reactions they gave me was it was exciting. I was happy.
15:50
Speaker 1: I could see the joy in their face. I finally
15:53
Speaker 1: know where this guy stands. And I was so happy
15:57
Speaker 1: in that moment to have opened up to them. I
16:00
Speaker 1: felt them like, this is great. Now they're not going
16:01
Speaker 1: to put their walls up. We're fully in. They know
16:03
Speaker 1: where I stand, I know where they stand, and it
16:06
Speaker 1: felt right. But as they showed the last night's episode,
16:09
Speaker 1: there was a clip where I just I said, I'm
16:11
Speaker 1: realizing I'm going to hurt somebody, and I broke down
16:16
Speaker 1: because I thought back to that moment as I I
16:20
Speaker 1: think that was after I was stayed overnight with Gabby
16:23
Speaker 1: and I realized I was, like, it hit me as
16:25
Speaker 1: I was away from the women and I was sitting
16:27
Speaker 1: there in that interview, it hit me like just a
16:31
Speaker 1: brick wall. I realized, I'm like, you're in You're in trouble,
16:34
Speaker 1: Like you're not in a good spot right now. You
16:36
Speaker 1: have two women that you've just experienced overnights with that
16:41
Speaker 1: I could see walking out of here engage with you,
16:44
Speaker 1: and you told them both that you're that you're in
16:49
Speaker 1: love with them, but someone's gonna get hurt. And that
16:51
Speaker 1: was when I realized, when I was away from the
16:53
Speaker 1: women that I can't compartmentalize it. When I'm with him,
16:56
Speaker 1: I can, but when a second him away from them
16:57
Speaker 1: is when it all came flooding in. I was like,
16:59
Speaker 1: You're you're deep, You're you're not in a good spot.
17:03
Speaker 1: So then why did you go ahead and say it
17:05
Speaker 1: to Susie? You just felt like you had to like
17:06
Speaker 1: do the full circle. No, I told Susie, because again,
17:11
Speaker 1: while I knew that it wasn't a good spot to
17:15
Speaker 1: be in, I told those women and I and I
17:18
Speaker 1: and again I saw their reactions and I saw that
17:20
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, now they know where I stand. I
17:23
Speaker 1: felt that I was like, I should tell Susie, this
17:25
Speaker 1: is screwed up. It's messed up. I'm in love with
17:27
Speaker 1: multiple women, but I was the most in love with her,
17:31
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm not going to hold back on
17:33
Speaker 1: telling her now just because I told the other two women, like,
17:36
Speaker 1: I have to approach this as every this I'm when
17:39
Speaker 1: I'm with them, I'm with them, and I can't allow
17:42
Speaker 1: what I've donner said to another relationship to impact how
17:46
Speaker 1: I treat that other person. When I talked to him
17:49
Speaker 1: and so I knew it wasn't a bad spot. But
17:52
Speaker 1: I thought again that, well, don't hold back. Let these
17:56
Speaker 1: women know, and then maybe they will come to understand
17:59
Speaker 1: that like he did fall in love with other women,
18:01
Speaker 1: but his heart was in the right place. He just
18:03
Speaker 1: wasn't a really really unique, once in a lifetime spot.
18:08
Speaker 1: And I can be well, I am willing to forgive
18:10
Speaker 1: him and see that, Like it's a tough spot to
18:11
Speaker 1: be in. I think you've answered our question when it
18:24
Speaker 1: comes to why you did what you did. And I mean,
18:26
Speaker 1: I'm out of anybody, I am not one to criticize
18:30
Speaker 1: you for expressing your emotions towards you know, these women.
18:33
Speaker 1: I I get it, and like, I'll stand behind you
18:36
Speaker 1: on that fully and I'll say I understand. And there's
18:39
Speaker 1: been bachelorette leads who have expressed it to more than
18:42
Speaker 1: one person. You're not alone and and that you felt
18:45
Speaker 1: something for each woman and was it right or wrong
18:47
Speaker 1: that you told them? You know, that's yet that that
18:51
Speaker 1: can be argued right, that that we there's multi people
18:54
Speaker 1: who believe different things. But that's not why. But the
18:57
Speaker 1: love part of this, even though it's getting criticized, which happens,
19:03
Speaker 1: is not the thing that most people are talking about.
19:06
Speaker 1: It's going back to how we started this conversation with
19:09
Speaker 1: how you handled um, the conversation with Susie once you
19:13
Speaker 1: were put on the spot and asked, how do you
19:16
Speaker 1: feel about somebody else? And have you sup with them?
19:21
Speaker 1: So let's let's start digging into this and getting where
19:24
Speaker 1: you're at again on that because I think this is
19:26
Speaker 1: this is what everybody is wondering and I guess I
19:29
Speaker 1: want to start this conversation with after seeing it last night.
19:32
Speaker 1: There's no secret Clayton. You're you're being labeled and characterized.
19:38
Speaker 1: I mean your characters in question completely right now by
19:42
Speaker 1: the fans of the Bachelor. How does that feel for you?
19:45
Speaker 1: And what would you say to them as a response
19:49
Speaker 1: to the last you know, fifteen hours since the show aired.
19:55
Speaker 1: It's tough because I've seen what everyone's saying, and they're
19:59
Speaker 1: using some at the descriptive terms, some pretty heavy heading
20:03
Speaker 1: terms that I couldn't disagree with more um, but I
20:07
Speaker 1: understand that it appears that way, and I don't I
20:11
Speaker 1: don't even want to use the words because it's not
20:13
Speaker 1: that it couldn't be farther from the truth. But what
20:15
Speaker 1: I can say is this is that I did not
20:20
Speaker 1: handle it well. I didn't. I mean, it was not
20:23
Speaker 1: handled maturely. I I raised my voice to her, I
20:28
Speaker 1: became I was grasping at straws. I was trying to
20:32
Speaker 1: find anything that I could at that point to get
20:35
Speaker 1: her to stay like I just wanted her to give
20:38
Speaker 1: me a chance. And so I went through this this
20:42
Speaker 1: gauntlet of emotions where at first our conversation was very cordial.
20:45
Speaker 1: At first we were back and forth, no tone, there
20:48
Speaker 1: was no raised tone. We were going back and forth
20:51
Speaker 1: and having this discussion and working through it about you know,
20:56
Speaker 1: the third or fourth time that she said I can't
20:59
Speaker 1: work past this. We stepped aside, she she got up
21:03
Speaker 1: and she walked out, And then I started to have
21:06
Speaker 1: these really dangerous thoughts. I thought, why does it seem
21:09
Speaker 1: like she's not fighting for this, Why does it seem
21:12
Speaker 1: like she can't even give me a chance? Like I
21:16
Speaker 1: didn't know she felt this way, and I understand, like
21:18
Speaker 1: I just I'm wondering why she won't just try to
21:20
Speaker 1: give me a second chance because I wasn't aware of
21:24
Speaker 1: how she felt, and I made assumptions and I wish
21:26
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have. But then I started to think, like
21:29
Speaker 1: the way that she's acting with everything else that had
21:32
Speaker 1: happened prior with Sarah playing this game of you know,
21:36
Speaker 1: trying to take get the other woman to leave through
21:38
Speaker 1: making up lies, and it was I don't know for
21:40
Speaker 1: whatever reason she was doing that, but I started to think, Okay,
21:43
Speaker 1: go back to realistically. I'm like these some of these
21:46
Speaker 1: women came here for the wrong reasons to push their
21:48
Speaker 1: own agenda. So I started having these really dangerous thoughts
21:51
Speaker 1: of being like, well, what happened. What if Susie right
21:53
Speaker 1: now is just trying to get out of this. What
21:54
Speaker 1: if She's just saying whatever she needs to say to
21:57
Speaker 1: leave me so that she could be the next batcheorette.
21:59
Speaker 1: And that was a thought that I had, and when
22:02
Speaker 1: I when she came outside and I was talking to Jesse,
22:06
Speaker 1: that was my thought. And she goes, do you want
22:07
Speaker 1: to go back and talk inside? I said, and I
22:09
Speaker 1: kind of was like, that's when you could see the
22:10
Speaker 1: tone ship because at that point I started looking at
22:13
Speaker 1: her as if she was playing me the entire times
22:16
Speaker 1: as other women had, and so I became I'd started
22:20
Speaker 1: to be in a really dangerous headspace, and I questioned her,
22:24
Speaker 1: and that's why I said, I don't know who I'm
22:27
Speaker 1: even looking at anymore, because in that moment, I really
22:30
Speaker 1: believed at that point that she was just feeding me
22:32
Speaker 1: whatever she needed to to get out of there so
22:35
Speaker 1: she could be the next batcherette. I don't believe that now.
22:39
Speaker 1: I didn't believe it the next day, but I believed
22:43
Speaker 1: it in that moment, and because of that, I allowed
22:46
Speaker 1: my emotions to take over and I just wasn't at
22:49
Speaker 1: that point. Nothing she said was going to get through
22:52
Speaker 1: to me at that point, because I I just convinced
22:54
Speaker 1: myself that you aren't here for me, you never were,
22:58
Speaker 1: but you will admit that what you the actions that
23:03
Speaker 1: you took, the words that you used were like definition gaslighting,
23:07
Speaker 1: Like you totally flipped the situation and made it seemed
23:10
Speaker 1: like you were the victim and that she was this
23:12
Speaker 1: person that was like just being horrible to you. I
23:19
Speaker 1: don't agree that I was gaslighting because I had I
23:22
Speaker 1: looked that up and it said, you know, the gaslighting,
23:25
Speaker 1: the definition is trying to convince someone of a different
23:27
Speaker 1: reality than what is actually, um the true reality of
23:31
Speaker 1: the situation. And again I think I hadn't just kind
23:33
Speaker 1: of admitted that you were making things up in your head,
23:37
Speaker 1: but it wasn't. I think gaslighting, in my eyes, is
23:40
Speaker 1: something where you have bad intentions, you're trying to manipulate somebody,
23:43
Speaker 1: and I was not at all trying to do that.
23:45
Speaker 1: My reality was in my head at that point. I
23:48
Speaker 1: believe what I believed. I had no bad intentions. I
23:51
Speaker 1: just was voicing my concerns to her at that point
23:55
Speaker 1: in my frustrations and my feelings. But I would not
23:58
Speaker 1: say at all, No, I told the disagree on the
24:00
Speaker 1: gas lighting concept because I was not trying to manipulate
24:03
Speaker 1: her from my benefit at all. I had no intention
24:05
Speaker 1: of doing that. I am not that kind of person,
24:08
Speaker 1: and that does strike a chord with me, because that's
24:11
Speaker 1: not me. I not was not trying to tell her
24:13
Speaker 1: that she was wrong. I was trying to figure out
24:16
Speaker 1: why she couldn't give me another chance. But I wasn't
24:20
Speaker 1: sitting here saying you're wrong. You have the wrong perspective
24:23
Speaker 1: on this, and you need to believe my perspective. My
24:26
Speaker 1: whole hope was just, hey, we got we're we're at
24:29
Speaker 1: a disagreement right now, but can we work past this?
24:31
Speaker 1: Can we fight through this? That's all I wanted to do.
24:34
Speaker 1: See your hope was I mean, if I'm hearing you right,
24:37
Speaker 1: your hope was like your goal ultimately, I was like
24:41
Speaker 1: to keep her around because you thought there was still
24:43
Speaker 1: something there, Like you still believe that your future could
24:46
Speaker 1: be with Susie, and so you you were at you
24:49
Speaker 1: were doing whatever you could is in your words, grasp
24:52
Speaker 1: me at straws to try to convince her to stay
24:55
Speaker 1: when she was committed to leaving UM at that point.
25:00
Speaker 1: And so how I hear this and tell me if
25:03
Speaker 1: I'm wrong, is something happened in this process where your
25:07
Speaker 1: ego got deeply hurt. And I get how that can
25:10
Speaker 1: happen to right, We've been there, but there's something that
25:13
Speaker 1: happened along this journey that maybe we saw or didn't see,
25:16
Speaker 1: where now you're feeling like I have to um be
25:21
Speaker 1: on guard for the people trying to leave the show,
25:23
Speaker 1: for the women that aren't in this for the right
25:25
Speaker 1: things and that aren't interested in me. And it felt like,
25:28
Speaker 1: I mean what I'm hearing is at this moment, your
25:31
Speaker 1: ego got in the way and you were trying to
25:33
Speaker 1: protect everything, especially the fact that you didn't want Susie
25:38
Speaker 1: to walk out. And so my I guess that's one
25:40
Speaker 1: question where did that get hurt? In the second is
25:42
Speaker 1: why weren't you okay with her leaving? Like ultimately, like
25:46
Speaker 1: why did it matter if she want if she wanted
25:48
Speaker 1: to be the next Bachelor at like let her go,
25:51
Speaker 1: let her go do that because you still got two
25:53
Speaker 1: women you're in love with sitting in a house somewhere. Yeah.
25:59
Speaker 1: So I when I hear the term ego, I I
26:04
Speaker 1: guess if you want to say, I was very much
26:06
Speaker 1: at that point in a very I had a very
26:12
Speaker 1: timid I was very just nerves nervous that I had
26:17
Speaker 1: you know Sarah played this game with me. I had
26:19
Speaker 1: other women that had left that you know, just wasn't shown.
26:22
Speaker 1: But like people that came here just to push their
26:25
Speaker 1: own agenda, to to to to take for this to
26:27
Speaker 1: be a stepping stone for their I mean again, I
26:30
Speaker 1: don't want to sit here and say all these women
26:32
Speaker 1: came here for me. They didn't even like, No, that's
26:34
Speaker 1: not true at all. We all know this, So let's
26:36
Speaker 1: call it for what it is. Like the a lot
26:37
Speaker 1: of people came here for their own personal benefit, and
26:39
Speaker 1: but there were women that said, Okay, hey, yes I did,
26:42
Speaker 1: I could, this could be a stepping stone, but I
26:45
Speaker 1: could also fall for this guy. And so there were
26:47
Speaker 1: genuine women that were here to say, hey, this is possible.
26:50
Speaker 1: But what happened was is really what it was. At
26:52
Speaker 1: the turning point was when I found out because I
26:54
Speaker 1: had no idea. But when I found out Sarah was
26:56
Speaker 1: lying to the other women and telling them things like, oh,
27:00
Speaker 1: he said after our first one on one that I
27:02
Speaker 1: was going to be um at the end of it
27:04
Speaker 1: all with him, he was already constructing his his hometowns
27:07
Speaker 1: after week one, and that he was crying with me. Uh,
27:11
Speaker 1: you know, these are things. I was like, why are
27:12
Speaker 1: you making this up? You're making seem like this extremely
27:14
Speaker 1: strong connection and we we have a connection, but you're
27:18
Speaker 1: you're these women now are all gonna leave? And like
27:20
Speaker 1: they all came to me like we thought. I thought
27:22
Speaker 1: about leaving at one point, so when I had to
27:25
Speaker 1: have the women come tell me because I didn't see
27:27
Speaker 1: that like Sarah played it well, then I thought, Okay,
27:30
Speaker 1: if she's playing that game, who could still be playing
27:33
Speaker 1: this game? Like she played it all the way until
27:35
Speaker 1: right four hometowns. I almost took her to hometowns. Therefore,
27:38
Speaker 1: I thought, is there anyone else that's still potentially playing me?
27:41
Speaker 1: And yeah, at that point, I was freaked out. I
27:44
Speaker 1: was very insecure because just because I I everything started
27:48
Speaker 1: creep in that you're on a show, man like you
27:51
Speaker 1: have to understand that people the show faces criticism for
27:55
Speaker 1: people coming on here to become popular, to gain followers
27:58
Speaker 1: and all that, and you came here with with the
28:00
Speaker 1: mind the headspace if you want to fall for somebody,
28:02
Speaker 1: you think it's possible. But now you're you're you're wondering
28:05
Speaker 1: if these women feel the same way. And I told myself, no,
28:09
Speaker 1: you have an incredible final four women, that's not the
28:13
Speaker 1: case with them. And I didn't believe it until in
28:16
Speaker 1: that moment when I talked to Susie. It was like
28:18
Speaker 1: all of a sudden that thought crept back in. It
28:21
Speaker 1: came racing in in that moment. Why to answer your question,
28:23
Speaker 1: why couldn't I just let her go when she said that,
28:28
Speaker 1: I mean, ultimately, I know that I walked her out
28:31
Speaker 1: quote unquote, but I did let her go at that point.
28:32
Speaker 1: I didn't handle it right. I my tone, I raised
28:36
Speaker 1: my tone, I stopped listening, and it was immature and
28:41
Speaker 1: I did not handle it correctly. But I did let
28:43
Speaker 1: her go in that moment, and that was what I
28:44
Speaker 1: said right as I opened the corridor. I said, I
28:47
Speaker 1: believe everything happens for a reason. I don't know why
28:49
Speaker 1: this was supposed to happen, but it did, and so
28:53
Speaker 1: I'm going to move on, And so I did. I
28:56
Speaker 1: did let her go. I just but I was fighting
28:59
Speaker 1: because this again, I saw this person potentially being the
29:02
Speaker 1: woman of my dreams, my future wife, and I was
29:05
Speaker 1: not going to just say, okay, all right, that's how
29:08
Speaker 1: you feel. Well, it was great knowing you, and I
29:11
Speaker 1: wish you the best. I was going to fight for it,
29:12
Speaker 1: and I fought for it with every last ounce of
29:15
Speaker 1: fight in my body. It doesn't mean I did the
29:17
Speaker 1: right way, but I fought all the way till the end.
29:21
Speaker 1: M Well, you said that Susie. You don't feel like
29:24
Speaker 1: Susie fought for you in that moment? How do you
29:28
Speaker 1: feel about that? That line? Now? It was untrue. It
29:34
Speaker 1: was untrue. I remember that I when she walked out,
29:40
Speaker 1: I remember talking to the producers and I said she
29:43
Speaker 1: was cold. I said, she showed no emotion whatsoever, And
29:47
Speaker 1: how do you feel about that? Now? I was wrong
29:50
Speaker 1: a thousand percent, but because I was so hurt and
29:53
Speaker 1: upset that I even felt as though she gave no
29:56
Speaker 1: emotion from start to finish. And I watch it back now,
30:00
Speaker 1: and it's clear as day. The motion was there. She
30:03
Speaker 1: was try like she was torn, but I couldn't see
30:08
Speaker 1: that because I was just trying to do everything in
30:12
Speaker 1: my power to, like see if I could convince her
30:15
Speaker 1: to give me a second chance. And when I couldn't
30:18
Speaker 1: do that, I just looked back at it all because
30:22
Speaker 1: it all would have mean it was. It was probably
30:24
Speaker 1: three hours of conversation. Of course, if they can only
30:26
Speaker 1: pack in what they can but it was a three
30:28
Speaker 1: hour conversation, and I just at that point, I'm like, man,
30:32
Speaker 1: she like she seemed cold. But now I watched it back,
30:35
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, she didn't seem cold at all. Man.
30:36
Speaker 1: You literally had the wrong perspective. You couldn't even see
30:39
Speaker 1: her perspective then, And yeah, there's a lot of things
30:43
Speaker 1: that I look back now, I'm like, what were you thinking?
30:46
Speaker 1: But I was thinking what I'm telling, what I've told
30:47
Speaker 1: you all throughout this entire discussion. I was in that
30:49
Speaker 1: headspace and it wasn't the right head space as I
30:52
Speaker 1: look back at it now, But I was in that
30:54
Speaker 1: in that moment. That's the that's the head space I
30:56
Speaker 1: was in. Clayton, You obviously have a few more weeks left. Um.
31:03
Speaker 1: You know you've you've explained UM the whole situation to us.
31:07
Speaker 1: So as these next weeks go on, and as UM
31:10
Speaker 1: people continue to watch UM your journey unfold, what what
31:16
Speaker 1: would you want to say, UM, to anybody out there
31:20
Speaker 1: who listens to this, who watches the show, who watched
31:23
Speaker 1: last night, People that are really hurt by the conversation
31:27
Speaker 1: that took place, People that are are now saying, you know,
31:32
Speaker 1: we saw a side of Clayton we've never seen before,
31:35
Speaker 1: um or up to this point. Is this who he is?
31:38
Speaker 1: Is this the man that we've you know, has he
31:39
Speaker 1: been hit hiding in his suit all season up into
31:42
Speaker 1: this point? Just give you the floor to say whatever
31:45
Speaker 1: it is you want to say. Um to anybody out
31:48
Speaker 1: there for the you know, as they watch you the
31:50
Speaker 1: next couple of weeks. I just asked people to have
31:56
Speaker 1: patients and understanding that when I say I followed my
32:00
Speaker 1: heart and I was doing everything that I thought was best,
32:04
Speaker 1: that that is exactly what it was. Was it right? No,
32:09
Speaker 1: people are seeing the mistakes I made. People are seeing
32:11
Speaker 1: I see them. I accept full responsibility. I want people
32:14
Speaker 1: to understand that everything that I'm saying in these podcasts
32:18
Speaker 1: right now is I'm talking to you all is not
32:19
Speaker 1: an excuse. I'm here because you guys brought me on
32:23
Speaker 1: to talk about it. I'm giving explanations. That does not
32:26
Speaker 1: mean I'm trying to dodge any bit of blame. I
32:30
Speaker 1: take all of the blame, okay, And I want people
32:33
Speaker 1: to understand that I'm not making any excuses. I'm just
32:35
Speaker 1: providing explanations to let people understand here's what I thought
32:38
Speaker 1: in that moment going forward. Again, I take all of it.
32:42
Speaker 1: I'm fully accountable. I am not that person that was
32:45
Speaker 1: shown then. I allowed my emotions to get the best
32:47
Speaker 1: of me with everything going on, and hopefully people will
32:51
Speaker 1: see in the coming weeks that following my heart makes sense.
32:58
Speaker 1: But that's where again I have to wait until it's
33:01
Speaker 1: until it's shown all the way through. People have already
33:03
Speaker 1: shown that they're not going to have that patience. That's fine.
33:06
Speaker 1: People have the right to decide to react as sooner
33:09
Speaker 1: or they We can wait into and and I've had
33:11
Speaker 1: a lot of great people reach out to me and say, hey,
33:13
Speaker 1: I see you know, I see your frustration. People that
33:16
Speaker 1: know me are still in my corner. They know that
33:19
Speaker 1: there's so much more to it. People that don't know me,
33:21
Speaker 1: they see what they see and they make a judgment.
33:23
Speaker 1: I can't fault anybody for that, but I just tell
33:25
Speaker 1: people to see it all the way through, all the
33:29
Speaker 1: way through until the end of the finale, and then
33:33
Speaker 1: cast your judgment. Clayton Um final question for you, what
33:40
Speaker 1: have you learned since last night? Oh? Man, uh so much.
33:47
Speaker 1: I learned that one of the greatest things that I
33:50
Speaker 1: learned was the power of emotion when you allow that
33:55
Speaker 1: to overcome rationale. I see for me personally, I saw
34:00
Speaker 1: that I shut down and I jump to a lot
34:05
Speaker 1: of conclusions that aren't realistic, that weren't the truth. And
34:10
Speaker 1: so I've known this before, but I know now going forward, Ever,
34:15
Speaker 1: if I ever get overwhelmed, ever, if I'm ever in
34:18
Speaker 1: over if I'm ever in a situation where I'm ever
34:20
Speaker 1: ever overwhelmed like that, ever again, to take a deep
34:24
Speaker 1: breath and step aside, say I need to take five like,
34:27
Speaker 1: just step away. I in that moment did not do that.
34:31
Speaker 1: And I wish I would have just taken a breather
34:33
Speaker 1: and walked outside and said give me twenty minutes like,
34:38
Speaker 1: but I didn't. Um. I also learned again that you know,
34:44
Speaker 1: my reality is one thing, and someone else's reality is another,
34:48
Speaker 1: and and and reality perception is reality, however people perceive
34:52
Speaker 1: it is, that's the reality of it. I think her
34:56
Speaker 1: and I both. I think her and I both both
35:00
Speaker 1: as far as our and and not in our actions,
35:02
Speaker 1: but in our thoughts and feelings were justified. My actions
35:06
Speaker 1: were indefensible when I when I started to raise my
35:09
Speaker 1: voice and make and accuse her. But I think that again,
35:12
Speaker 1: I saw that's like, this isn't black and white, as
35:15
Speaker 1: you said earlier, this show this with the show, it's
35:17
Speaker 1: not black and white. It's hard to date thirty women.
35:21
Speaker 1: I'm dating thirty women, they're dating one man, and so
35:24
Speaker 1: there's this major disconnect and you try to come into
35:27
Speaker 1: the middle and find the common ground. And I didn't
35:30
Speaker 1: and and unfortunately we That's where we came to a
35:34
Speaker 1: head is when we I said, how do you not
35:36
Speaker 1: understand this? Like, I'm dating thirty women, What's there's multiple relationships?
35:40
Speaker 1: What's how is that hard to believe? And she was,
35:43
Speaker 1: you know, saying, how can you fall from multiple people?
35:45
Speaker 1: Like I'm only falling for you? And there's that disconnect.
35:48
Speaker 1: So I I've learned a ton because I watched it
35:51
Speaker 1: back now and I'm like, yeah, I'm like now I'm
35:53
Speaker 1: on the outside of it, being like dude, like you
35:55
Speaker 1: really fell in deep to this, and you fully believed,
35:57
Speaker 1: and you you really wanted to just make it work,
36:01
Speaker 1: and so you adapted, you did whatever you could, and
36:03
Speaker 1: you and things were just like you said, things were
36:05
Speaker 1: going great for me. They were going great, I'll up
36:08
Speaker 1: until this point. Other than that, I mean, there was
36:10
Speaker 1: drama with all that with Shane, that I wasn't really
36:13
Speaker 1: involved heavily in that because I was building these other
36:15
Speaker 1: connections while that was occurring. So I thought things were great.
36:19
Speaker 1: I was like, everything's going great, every You're doing things
36:21
Speaker 1: in the right way. And then it just came boom.
36:23
Speaker 1: It hit me at once, and I realized, like, this
36:25
Speaker 1: is because of your own actions what you did. This
36:28
Speaker 1: is now you have to face the repercussions for the
36:31
Speaker 1: situation that you that you're in. So all of that
36:36
Speaker 1: just to say, yeah, I mean, I just hope people
36:39
Speaker 1: can understand that I didn't have any bad intentions. I
36:42
Speaker 1: wasn't I was not playing these women. I had genuine connections.
36:46
Speaker 1: I was trying to compartmentalize one relationship to the next
36:50
Speaker 1: and really give every one of these women of equal
36:53
Speaker 1: chance until I could figure out who is the best
36:56
Speaker 1: fit for me, and I just along the way and
36:58
Speaker 1: made decisions that I wish I would have done differently.
37:02
Speaker 1: Claim thanks for joining us today, man, Yes, thank you
37:04
Speaker 1: for UM. We appreciate you being here, UM and expressing
37:09
Speaker 1: all of the things that you've been feeling over the
37:11
Speaker 1: past twenty four hours plus. Yeah, no matter what, this
37:14
Speaker 1: is not ideal, right to sit down and have to
37:16
Speaker 1: talk about it, um and then have millions of people
37:20
Speaker 1: watch it. But UM, we do appreciate you sit down
37:24
Speaker 1: and talking with us today and uh, um we wish
37:27
Speaker 1: you the best. Um. We know it won't be easy,
37:31
Speaker 1: We know uh that criticism is going to come. Um,
37:36
Speaker 1: but we do wish you the best in the following
37:39
Speaker 1: weeks as this season unfolds. So thanks for joining us
37:43
Speaker 1: on the Almost Famous podcast. Thanks guys. Follow the Benn
37:48
Speaker 1: and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast on ihurt Radio or
37:52
Speaker 1: subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.