Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / The Value of Your Story with Enneagram Nine Robyn Kown

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The Value of Your Story with Enneagram Nine Robyn Kown · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, great news.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about you at all.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's about what God's done in your life.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: You're not sharing how great you are, you're sharing how broken you were.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: And in researching and studying and inputting your story together, you realize where God showed up for you all along the way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're bringing hope to those who need to hear it.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: Hi, my name is Amy Wicks, and I help you navigate the overwhelm and frustration of motherhood through faith, Enneagram, and simple plans.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: As a faith-based Enneagram coach, I champion you to love your mothering style because you are the mom your kids need, even when you don't feel like it.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a mountain mama who somehow ended up on a cul-de-sac in the Midwest, overwhelmed and frustrated by motherhood.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: But the Lord didn't let me stay there.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: He helped me turn the challenges of motherhood into a wholehearted decision to get intentional with my faith, my self-awareness, and my family.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_03: Each episode of this podcast provides perspective through story, whole-hearted purpose, and simple plan so you can discover how to love your mothering style and be confident that you are the mom your kids need.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: Think of this podcast as your on-the-go mom pal and friend who can't help but talk about Jesus and the Enneagram.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: So get to that pile of laundry, or hit the treadmill, or load up the kids in the car for that grocery run.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: Get ready to be encouraged and empowered while you listen.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: This is the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_03: Friends, I am loving this summer in the Enneagram series, and I am delighted that I get to wrap up with my friend and storyteller, Robin Cown.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_03: She's one of the hosts and founders of Storytellers Live, and not only is she going to share about her Enneagram journey as a Type 9, but also how engaging in the hard parts of her story brought freedom and community.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: Also, if you are interested in specific episodes about the Enneagram 9, check out episode 167 in my Motherhood Enneagram series and episode 113 in the summer in the Enneagram series from 2019.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_03: All right, let's jump right in.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: When we texted, I said I would, it's just like drinking coffee, like having coffee with friend, right?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I'm really sad because I didn't have time to make myself another cup.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't have my coffee, but I I got a little water left.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: I have my orange LaCroix.
• 2:40
  unknown: Yeah.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna hydrate.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: We'll hydrate before afternoon cup.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: Oh man.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: Well, this whole summer, I I so a couple years ago, I'll start back.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: A couple years ago, I had this fun idea because I was finishing up.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I had done my Enneagram certification and I was doing my Enneagram coaching business.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_03: And I already had had the podcast for a while at that point.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I thought, oh, I'm going to do a summer in the Enneagram series because that would just be fun.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: Go through all nine types and, you know, mix it up, have friends and non-friends, new friends, old friends.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: And I just thought it was so cool.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: Well, part of that journey, my first thought was like, I have to reach out to Annie F.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: Downs and have her as my Enneagram seven because it's Annie F.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: Downs, she's a seven.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: She was one of the first people who introduced me to Enneagram.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I thought it was Enneagram, like within me.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: I thought it was after her name.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: I've heard her say that before.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm not.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_03: So I reached out to her and I don't remember.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_03: I don't remember if I heard back from her assistant or not at that point.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I I may not have, but all of that to say, okay, so that was like February or March because we're podcasters.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: We've got to think ahead.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: And um I'm a listener of her podcast.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: And so when I heard her and Nance announce that she was doing a summer in the Enneagram, like any a summer, I was like, oh my gosh.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_03: I am going to look like a copy of cat and a fraud.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what on earth?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_03: So I just share that's a story because I've been doing some Enneagram in the summer and I've also been doing some other Enneagram series periodically or sporadically.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_03: I was, I think I was trying to combine those words.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: But um, all of that to say, so here we are.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_03: We've done the Enneagram in the summer.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_03: We have done all nine types today, is the final last but not least, Enneagram nine guest.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so glad to have you here and represent.
• 4:45
  unknown: I'm thrilled.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm thrilled.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: I say I'm not your typical Enneagram nine, I feel like.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: So yes, though, why do you feel like that?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: So tell me what what is it that makes you feel different than some of the what quote unquote typical?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I'm much more extroverted.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Most Enneagram nines that I meet are that I listen to through various podcast podcasts are much more introverted or don't get their energy from people.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm an Enneagram nine with a whole lot of seven, a whole lot of seven.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay, yes.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's because I have an eight-wing that it pulls that part out of me.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: And um so I I thrive with being around people, I get energized by talking to people.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I can get worn down and get tired for sure, as my family can tell you at night.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yes, and I'm done for the day.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Bye-bye.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: But I really do get my energy from people.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_03: Well, just this last week, I did uh a series on the Enneagram wings.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: And so I know that it was really fun because basically I did this, I called it a Vineagram using the concept of the Venn uh diagram and to help illustrate wings because I it's kind of to me, it was a little bit complex to try to translate on a square on social media, right?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_03: So I I really appreciate it.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_03: It was kind of a whole family project.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of uh my family had some input on how the final outcome ended up being.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_03: But the nine was so fun to ask the question what wing you are, and then hear how it plays out in your type because I there is a huge difference, probably more than any of the types between the nine wing eight, nine wing one.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_03: So I feel like they're two different people.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, it is.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: And obviously the core motivations is the same.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: But some of the actions display or portray a unique and different set of personality.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, most people do not type me as a nine when they meet me.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, You are?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: Are you sure?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, trust me, my inside is positive.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: My inside is very positive, but uh, it's just not what you see when you meet me or talk with me.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and this is where too the Myers Briggs is helpful.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: We're talking about extrovert, introvert.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_03: There is either that is an element that helps inform it's you know, another layer of understanding your personality because that plays into it.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_03: Because a five could rarely, but it could test higher on the extrovert side on the Myers Briggs.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_03: So I see, yeah, I see it all.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_03: So that's why I think it's fun to take all of that account.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: But on that note, for you, what was that moment where you go, oh, this is me.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: This is reading my mail.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: This is like, oh, I hate it, stepping on my toes, all those different feelings that we go through.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it was when I took the test.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, I took the test and I answered everything but a nine.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: I had been a two, I had been a three, I had been a seven.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: And totally so I always tell people, I'm like, hey, don't take the test.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Listen to somebody talk about all nine types because I tested as all of the above except a nine.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I listened, I actually think that it was um, I heard Beth McCord on Annie Downs podcast as I had been learning and growing, and I heard her talk about um the momentum and that you can be a sloth, you know.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, I'm so good at doing nothing, I'm so good at sitting on my sofa.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: But when you get me going, I can go and I'm good.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: But if I I do better when I'm active, I do not do well when I don't have anything on my calendar because I do nothing.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that and the the obviously the peacemaker portion.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: I I've grown a lot as I've gotten older, which has helped.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: But I used to be terrified of conflict.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: I would run, I would hide, I would do everything to avoid any hard conversations.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And thankfully I have gotten better, but I was like, oh, that was me.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I still don't want to make decisions.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: If if somebody else will make the decision for me, please, yes, do all that.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: So as I started hearing all these things, I'm like, oh, that's me.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know who I am or what I feel.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I'm a nine that typed as every other person.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_03: Oh man, yeah.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: I think you hit the nail on the head.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_03: Those all of those elements combine, right?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: The inertia, the desire to totally retreat at any sort of conflict.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh so I'm kind of curious to know.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: This seems to be typical.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: What, or at least there seems to be a common thread.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_03: What did you do as a kid when there was conflict happening?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: Whether siblings, parents, can you remember?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I would either leave the room so that I didn't have to hear it.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Or like it because very rarely now listen, I have a younger sister and we fought like cats, you know, we fought like cats and dogs when we were growing up.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't call that conflict, I'll call that sibling like having a sibling.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: But if there was true conflict, I either would leave the room, yeah, or I would try and and mediate both sides.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I would take your point and I would see your point.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm still like that today.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, well, I I see all sides.
• 10:31
  unknown: Yeah.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I can get everybody to the middle.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I think as a child, more often than not, I would walk away.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: I would not um engage.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: Engage in that.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Just get me out of here, get me away from it.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that so often is the case.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: And this is where, I mean, this is the perfect opportunity.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_03: Just remind our friends who are listening.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: When you approach the Enneagram, yes, the test can be fun and helpful.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: I have a free quiz.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: My my certification happened under your Enneagram coach, and she's got a phenomenal test.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: But you have to think about the context of those questions.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_03: And context is really hard when you're doing either or.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_03: So a lot of my times, uh, when I'm having a conversation, a typing conversation with someone, whether it's the free 15 minute or a full hour, that's one of the questions I ask.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: What does it look like?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_03: What did it look like to engage in conflict as a kid?
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_03: And more often than not, for a type nine, it's totally leaving the room, hiding under the table, behind the couch, behind a curtain, pretending they're invisible, or when they felt safe, that they could bring both sides.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_03: So that's that's the peacemaker part that I love to highlight.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: Because when we felt unsafe or unsure, insecure, you retreat and leave because you don't want it.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_03: But when you get healthy and when you're secure in who you are, now we know identity in Christ, then you are just like this amazing you have this amazing weapon of bringing both sides.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like, here, let's listen to this and let's listen to this.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_03: And and how can we merge?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: How can we compromise?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: Because it doesn't have to be either or.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_03: So anyway, superpower to the nine.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think I've appreciated that.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: The more I've learned and the more I've grown over the past really five years since I've started really learning about the Enneagram.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: Is that somewhere that I have grown tremendously is not just seeing both sides to for the I'm able to recognize that I'm seeing both sides, you know, and go, oh, this is it's not just something that happens.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm now able to recognize that it's happening.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Where before, um, I think I just, you know, it's the way my brain worked and the way I functioned, but I wasn't able to recognize it for what it was.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so I've not really thought through that before.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_03: So maybe similar to a one that here's the inner critic, the six, here's the inner committee.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_03: The nine is has to think through that they're actually seeing both sides to the story, and they're not necessarily that's not conflict within yourself that's perceptive or perspective.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, because I I don't know if all nines feel this way.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I've heard different people talk about it, you know, over the years, but I don't know myself.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what motivates me.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of I think it falls in line with the decisions, and I don't want to make decisions largely because I don't know.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so in learning this, I've learned about myself that I truly and I was fine to just live life.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was always the one to just fine, I'm just go with the flow.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have an opinion because I really don't have an opinion.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: But also as I've learned and grown, I've realized that I just wasn't able to identify what that was.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: And most of the time it doesn't matter to me until you get into an important conversation or a or conflict or something, and and then you can't find your voice because you don't know how you feel.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: That matters.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: Where we eat dinner doesn't matter.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell you where I don't want to go if I don't feel like it, but that's about the extent of it, you know.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um but when it comes to something important, I now am able to say, either I don't know and I need to think about it, give me some time on this, or or really just be able to recognize that I don't have an answer quite yet.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um this is how I feel.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, I didn't know that's how I felt about this.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: I've lived 40 plus years and had no idea that that is how I felt.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's taken that long to be able to articulate it for yourself because you're not necessarily well, maybe it's even the um being able to cipher out what's the opinion, desires, wants, feelings of everybody else, and yes, and then letting your value, your desire rise to the surface and give yourself permission to acknowledge it.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: And to to figure it out and to wrestle and say, how do I really feel about this?
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because you need to know those things about yourself.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: But at least in my experiences and I'm uh uh have up until the past few years have had no clue uh about a lot of things.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: Well, okay, so I'm super curious.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_03: I know that we have kids around the same age and we maybe have been married around the same amount of time.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: So what personalities do you know you're dealing with?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_03: Because that probably impacts some of that as well.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, for sure.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like you mean my husband and mad kids.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like what is our family dynamic?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I laugh because my husband's a three with a three wing.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: So straight up three, huh?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: And that he's always just led.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I've never had to do much um until we had a disagreement and I didn't know how I felt.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: I've this has helped tremendously in marriage because because he just is a strong personality that is leads to the three.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's he is all in all the time.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um and you know, with our kids, it's funny.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: I feel I feel like it's morphed over time, you know.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: They're they're still young, but I'm able to I'm able to look in and and really ask them in a more general way what their motivation is behind what they're doing, which I would have never done before.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: Our daughter is a servant through and through and through, and I think she is probably a two.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: That would be my guess.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: But I also want to make sure that she loves to wash the dishes, she loves to do this and that.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm like, I don't want her to do that out of the wrong motive.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: If she loves to serve, that's great.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think it's just made me more aware.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Our oldest is is definitely more introverted, and he just turned 15.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I have put myself, which I think we do in anything.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is nothing to do with any gram.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's just you put yourself and your experiences on them, and he's more introverted.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: Don't you want to be with friends?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Don't you want to have somebody, you know, I'm like a song and dance back in here?
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, No, I just kind of want to.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, thanks, um.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: So it's giving me a good perspective, you know, on our kids and what they need, but particularly in my marriage.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_03: Understanding the dynamic between a withdrawing stance and assertive stance.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_03: So that's what you have because you're in the withdrawn stance, your husband's in the assertive stance.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm in the same way, but vice versa.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm in the assertive stance.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_03: My husband is a nine and then with the withdrawn stance.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_03: So did you have you found yourself like that frustration that poll?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: Because you talked about inertia.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_03: Threes do not have problems with inertia unless they are incredibly stressed.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_03: So tell me about that.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let's see.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: How would you like for me to describe our first year of marriage?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: I got you, sister.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean, we would come home from work every day and he would have 82 projects to do.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I just want to watch TV.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, right, what is wrong with you?
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it took a while for us to get our groove.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it really was not until we had children that he began to slow down.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: He was always working on a thousand different things.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now, once we had kids and he was tired, yeah, that shifted so thank you, finally.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Idly, we're not having to tile a bathroom and get in a new mailbox.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: And like, I don't want to do that on the weekend, I want to do nothing.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, yep.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so over time we were we were able to recognize that.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said, kids have mellowed mellowed him some.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: But he, you know, he still runs three businesses while I I do my one and I'm a mom, you know.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I well, I find myself pretty productive, but he is uber productive.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I've just had to tell my, I've not had to learn to not feel guilty about that.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's the way you're made.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not made that way.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm not going to feel pressure to achieve at your level and accomplish all the things you accomplish in a day because that's not my, it's not my gift, it's not my calling, it's not the way I was made.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, that's a word for someone there, Robin, because you you are giving my I know the dynamic in your home, and you there is a lot of there, a lot of things for you to carry.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: And you do this ministry, and I know a number of other you're a great friend, you're loved by many, wanted by many.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: And so the fact that you have come to that understanding, and I I mean, just the like the piece of that is is really huge.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it, I mean, it took me a long time to get there for sure, because I have this high achieving husband and I didn't want to let him down or make him, you know, I didn't want to be lazy, but I need to rest.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and I think when we can learn that about ourselves and that we don't have to look like each other, yes, it's huge.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's huge.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's such a relief to be who God created you to be instead of who he created your spouse or your child or whoever to be.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and I think that's an element for the nine to, you know, just this the friends that are listening to us that are a nine and or no a nine is to understand that value that we're talking about because a nine needs to understand the value they bring to the table.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: And it can be constantly in our culture, squashed or just compared to the overachiever, the assertive type.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: And it makes you feel what you already doubt, it makes it even worse.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's harder to even believe I have something to offer.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: Because as your friend and you know, someone who has the same mission and vision, I can go, oh, Robin, you're doing so much for the kingdom of God and and celebrate that and all of that.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: But it would be easy for you to look and compare to others because of the just the energy level or whatever it is, and go, oh, I'm not doing enough.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_03: But yes, when reality you need to hear about this is this is good.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's so true.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I do think any anybody is gonna look around and think, I can do more.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: I should, am I doing enough?
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: Is you know, and the answer is right really the answer is rest.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: God is that was my word for the summer, and I laugh that it didn't quite happen.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: But no, and that doesn't mean not doing things, but rest you should rest in whatever and wherever you are.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and there's that piece for.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: All of us who are more like looking to just who are constantly doing 10 different things to glean the gift that the nine has to offer because we have all nine types in us.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: It's there.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: We have the ability to rest.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: We have the ability to be the peacemaker and to to give ourselves the time we need, um, to look like the healthy version, God's God's representation in Jesus Christ and how he walked that out on earth.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: And so that is what you can remind us as well of like, hey, it's okay to do the three things really well today and then take a chill pill.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: As anyone in my house can tell you.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, mom's stressed.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: She needs a LaCroix and a bath.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's terrific.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it is 100% true.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: 100% true.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's so great.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_03: That's so great.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: I like that.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_03: I still need a bathtub in my house so it can uh, you know.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, listen, we left.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's this is a very much a three and a nine thing.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: We renovated a house seven years ago.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at my husband.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't care.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care what it looks like.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: All I care about is the bathtub.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: Real.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I picked out the bathtub and he picked out the rest of the house.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_03: That that is awesome.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: That's the way to build a house and keep your marriage and keep your sanity.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it is.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: I want it to be welcoming.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: I want it to be inviting.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: I want a place where I can sit and read because I love to read.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's it.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: The rest of it, I don't care.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Kitchen cabinets, you cook, you do it.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: What a great way to avoid the decision fatigue that comes along with projects like that.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_02: Uh yeah.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, you tell them a nine.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love it.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my goodness.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I okay, so we've touched on a couple of things here.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: We, you know, but this is how it is.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_03: We're having coffee, we're having a great conversation.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_03: And so I've I've mentioned this ministry podcast thing that you might be doing.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_03: So I wanted to take a little bit of time to talk about it because one, I got to be on your podcast, which is so much fun.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_03: And just to put a plug-in to listen, not only, of course, will I put the link in the show notes so people can listen, but you have to understand people.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_03: I shared things on Storytellers Live podcasts that I haven't shared with anybody.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_03: So just gonna say that.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_03: This was kind of it was really good.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_03: It forced me.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: But all of that to say, your mission, your vision with the group of women who do that podcast together in ministry is the sum of it is story.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_03: And for those who have been around simply wholehearted, story is a big deal around here.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna let you share a little bit, talk about it.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: And um, yeah, and some other things that I think our friends are gonna want to get involved with and check out as as they continue to explore the value of story.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, great.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I started Storytellers Live five years ago now.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: It'll be five years this fall.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: And it came from the vision of just women sharing stories of where God has shown up in their life and what he has done to encourage and to help others.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I live in a suburb of Birmingham, Alabama that I lots of people grew up here, me included, you know, and I think that it's easy for women to look at each other and feel like that other person has it all together.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: And when we share our stories, we don't have to share all our dirty laundry, but when we share our stories, we walls are broken down and people don't feel so alone.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: And they're able to go, oh, that person that I see in the school hallways all the time at PTO meetings or ball field, she is parenting three children with ADHD, and that's what my house looks like.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: And she can help.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's really how the vision started was just women sharing stories and taking off the mask and breaking down walls within our community.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: And it started as a small group in my den at my house.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: And when we put it on Facebook, the very first week, 75 women showed up and it was no longer a small group, it went to a large group.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and so for years we just met every Friday morning and we recorded them.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: A friend reached out the very first one and said, God told me to record this.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Great, I have no idea what that means.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: Go for it.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: And very quickly, people started.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: We just uploaded the stories to SoundCloud and would email out the link.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like we had no idea.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: That is so cool.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's a total God thing because we did not know what we were doing.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: And pretty quickly we started recording all of them and started a podcast of just women sharing live stories in a live setting, and other cities wanted to get on board.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: So then we figured out how to make this thing happen in other cities, and now we're in nine cities around the country with probably a few more starting this fall.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: And our podcast is now at 150 episodes.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: So we've got women's stories, and you know, COVID hit.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: We kept going with stories, but I was able to reach out to you and to reach out to friends and people I know and and hear their stories, even if they weren't in one of our storytellers' communities.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so here we are today, five years later, and we've written a Bible study and we we're just going, and God just continues to share stories and because you never ever get tired of hearing a story.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_03: I I just love it because here again, if you know, for our friends who've been a part of this community for a long time, they've heard several times when I'm asking the guests, what was that brokenhearted moment that led to the whole-hearted decision to do whatever?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_03: So for you, it really was birthed out of this well, the fact that you place value on other people's story.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_03: You wanted to hear it, you saw, you had that vision.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_03: For you, what has been part of understanding your story that has just impassioned you even more?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_03: Or maybe was that pivotal moment that you needed to have outside of, you know, obviously motherhood, marriage, and getting to meet our savior and building friendship with our savior, but it's in that process of building friendship with him that sometimes that that moment happens that marks us for a long time.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, without going too much into my own story right now, but we adopted our daughter, who then has had many, many medical needs over the years.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: And we do a lot of traveling.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: Her all of her doctor is in Baltimore, Maryland.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: And in doing that, I realized how much of that I was carrying myself.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: And when I was able to reach out, and there's funny enough, there's a five of us in Birmingham whose children all have the same need, and it is incredibly rarepedic need.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: And when we could get together and encourage each other with what we were walking through, and in share it sounds strange, but there's so much in story that allows that to happen.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: That when one person shares what they're walking through, 15 other people say me too, and they want to get together.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: And we've seen these communities form over that.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: So where we have children with varying physical needs, and we're dealing with wheelchairs and walkers and physical therapy.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_01: There's also um the story on addiction that has just gone crazy with people needing help.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then there's the story on loss of a child, and we're seeing these communities gather.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I saw that from my own need.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: That was really me knowing my own story of needing to be in community while walking through something hard that God's opened the door that we did not see coming.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: That is that is a byproduct of me knowing what I needed.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: And when I am willing to share what we are walking through, other people are willing to come along.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_03: That's so powerful because it is that's the purpose.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's not for, and I know that you guys talk about this, but understanding your story is not a navel-gazing outcome.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's not about glorifying yourself or just getting so inward and retreating that all you're doing is thinking about you.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_03: The whole point of it is one, to discover what God has taught you, how he has shown up throughout it.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_03: But three, when we take those, you know, all of those things that we have learned and and how it's changed us and where we see the Lord show up, then we can encourage others who are at a different part in their story.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: There are so many times that I'm coaching a storyteller or we ask someone if they're willing to share their story, and they go, I mean, yes, but um I just don't want it to be all about me.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, great news.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about you at all.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's about what God's done in your life.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: You're not sharing how great you are, you're sharing how broken you were.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: And in researching and studying and imprinting your story together, you realize where God showed up for you all along the way.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're bringing hope to those who need to hear it, who maybe are just pregnant with a child who has CFD, which is what my daughter has, or you know, your marriage is crumbling, or all of these, or you're dealing with everyday anxiety, or you want to know more about the Enneagram and Becoming Whole with Amy, you know, like there's a everybody has a story, whether it's small or large or everyday or tragic or joyful.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: And finding God in that makes it all about him and what he's done in our lives to encourage others instead of all about us.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, that's such a good point.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_03: And and this is where I think a lot of times um people might get stuck in understanding what their story is.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why I love the Enneagram because it does help people, it gives language sometimes for what we've experienced, but we couldn't articulate or couldn't find.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_03: So I know that, you know, so I help people discover that.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes in my coaching process, we end up unpacking things that happened in our youth.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know, again, I'm not a therapist or anything, but to be able to have language for that experience or your perspective on events.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_03: So I know not only do you guys cultivate these stories and then share them so that way others can go meet to and find community in it and find where they are at and have some hope.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_03: But you help people.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_03: And then that whole, you know, kind of going back to you help people cultivate and discover their story.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_03: So tell me what that looks like.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_03: You know, not for the people who are looking to be on your podcast, but for those who go, oh, wait a minute.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know if I if I know my story.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know what my story is beyond my Enneagram type.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe there's more, maybe I haven't given it some thought of how has God shown up and what were the things that I went through.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, the where the place I tell people to start is creating a timeline of their life.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't have to be this big elaborate thing.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's some, you know, you can jot it down in a journal or a sheet of paper, but every single time when you start writing down just events, you know, you go through your childhood and write down six things or you know, like major memories that come up every single time.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_01: God will bring up, I feel like Holy Spirit just says, here is a memory that you have not thought of in ages.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I always tell people, tap in there.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: There is something if you have a memory you have not thought of in so long that Holy Spirit brings to mind, tap in right there.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then once you get started, you'll realize, oh gosh, that memory, for example, I had a time when I remembered what I wore in high school one day.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I loved that outfit because it was just a little bit different.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like in that, God just revealed to me that I like to always be a little bit different, but not a ton.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, somehow that pulled a whole story out of me that I did not know was there.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: And we all have a thousand stories.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: It could be, what did you do this summer?
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_01: But um, the exciting thing is that we've created a journal to do this.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: So it's called Discover, yes, it's called Discover Your Story.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: And in that, we walk you through the process of writing a timeline and then finding what we call your God highlights, which are those moments and those memories.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so you can go through that journal on your own at any at any given time.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_01: So that's exciting.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I think it's so helpful because for someone like me, I actually can remember a lot of things and I get kind of overwhelmed of going, okay, I remember all this.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_03: What's the significance significance of it?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_03: And um, should I write this down or shouldn't I write this down?
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, all of these elements.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_03: And so I love that your team has put together this journal prompt and guide to discovering your story because there's so much value again, whether you desire to be a writer or speaker or do ministry of any sort, um, or you just want to better understand yourself because of what you can pass on to others in your community, in your home.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's just incredibly valuable.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't know, there's healing in it.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_03: There is.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um, there's discovering of how God has worked in your life because I I for me, you know, in a season of untrying to figure out, okay, Lord, what are you up to?
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_03: This a lot of this isn't making sense.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_03: I don't I don't have a crystal ball.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_03: He's not given me the clear picture, but I can go back and remember how he has showed up, how he has come through, what he has done before and trials and tribulations.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_03: And I was okay.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_03: So therefore, I'll be okay again, even if I don't have specifics.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's so important to remember.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_01: He tells us over and over in his word to remember.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_01: And sharing stories is a way of doing that.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_03: I love it.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, Robin, I have loved every minute of our time together.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's gone by way too fast.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_03: It's been so much fun.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_03: I I definitely think that um this will be really great for our type nine friends who maybe can hear themselves represented in a more extroverted manner.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_03: And to see like that is possible.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, because not every nine out there is still hiding under the table or retreating to their rooms.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_03: They're showing up, they're understanding their value, they realize that their story has a purpose, and and I pray that my friends will discover the same.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_03: Me too, me too.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_03: So, what did you think?
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I sure appreciate getting to chat with Robin.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_03: And if you've listened and now you're wondering what value you have to offer about your story, go check out Storytellers Live to get more information on their study and their podcast.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_03: Now be sure you're following this podcast, the Simply Wholehearted Podcast, and leave a five-star rating on this app so you don't miss next week's Wholehearted Enneagram Summit sneak peek.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_03: Whoa, that's a mouthful.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_03: But I can't wait for you to hear a sample of the amazing sessions that are going live on August 23rd.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_03: Remember, friend, you are the mom your kids need.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_03: Continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for the wholehearted life you desire.