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What NOT to Say to Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what are some of the worst things that you could say that
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  you could possibly say? Let me turn it up a little bit
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  that you could possibly say to a survivor of narcissistic abuse
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  or to a survivor of a toxic relationship dynamic.
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  What's the worst things they can leave those puffer lips and hit
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  the ears of a survivor or thriver?
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  That's what we talked about today, y'all?
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  Of course, if you're new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist here to give you the inside look at
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  the mind of a narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. So we're gonna hop right into
• 0:49
  it, y'all? No buffer.
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  Like I said, the Mental Illness podcast is launching soon. 10
• 0:54
  episodes recorded. Get ready for y'all.
• 0:56
  Got some great, great stuff coming your direction.
• 0:59
  I'm so excited about it. But what's the worst things you
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  can say to a narcissist to survivor of a narcissist?
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  I can do another video later on about what's the worst things
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  you can say to a narcissist. But we talk about the survivors
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  first, right? Survivors first.
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  And the number one thing that I felt like this is no particular
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  order, but one of the worst things that you could say to a
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  survivor of a narcissistic relationship or narcissistic
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  abuse is just leave. Yeah, you just just leave.
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  If if, if a survivor is coming to you, talking to you, just
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  like, hey, look, I just got my ass beat.
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  Hey, this person just tried to take my life.
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  Hey, they're financially abusing me.
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  Hey, they've been lying, cheating, lying, doing all kinds
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  of stuff to me for years. And I'm finally trying to
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  escape. Like, can you, I need some help.
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  I don't know what to do. What should I do?
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  Should I get it? But they they're promising me to
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  change. What should I do?
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  Why don't you just leave? You should just leave.
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  Just get out of there. I feel like if you, if you stay,
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  you deserve it, right? So just leave is one of, if not
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  these worst things that a survivor could hear, you know,
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  because yeah, of course, if it was just that easy to leave,
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  people would dip out all the time.
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  People. We, I I wouldn't have a channel,
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  right? I wouldn't.
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  There would be no point of people talking about
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  narcissistic abuse if it was so easy to just just cut, cut it
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  out, right? Be so easy like that.
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  So no, it's not. Just leave is one of the worst
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  things you can say to a survivor, right?
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  The next thing I have a list, y'all.
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  The next thing on my list is get over it.
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  Just get over it. Get over it, right?
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  Why was he just like just get over it?
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  Like why you keep bringing it up?
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  Like just get over what they did to you, you know, like if you I
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  just can't stand hearing about it, just get over it.
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  That damn, I don't know what it was.
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  It couldn't have been, you know what you went through.
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  Get over it. Imagine so imagine you as
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  someone who might have survived a relationship with a narcissist
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  or ties a relationship, right? Imagine you, somebody told that
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  to you while you were on your healing journey and somebody
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  might have actually said that to you.
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  That's why you might be well versed in it.
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  You missed why you might be like as soon as I said get over it,
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  y'all was just threw you threw your iPads in the air through
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  your launched launched your cell phone into orbit, whatever the
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  case may be, right. So so many people get caught up
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  in that space right there like get over it.
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  Like it's so easy to just get over kids getting getting beat
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  up, lied on cheat, the betrayal, the trauma, the stuff that they
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  put you through. Sometimes the STD's, STI's, all
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  the St. everything. Then again, St. everything you
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  have an STEST everything. That's what they do to you.
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  So tell us somebody to get over is horrible advice.
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  Like somebody that says they get over, somebody tells you to just
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  get over. It means either they don't
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  understand or they don't care. They're just tired of hearing
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  about it. Just get over, especially if you
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  keep, if you keep coming to this person saying the same thing
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  over and over again, they're just going to tell you to get
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  over it. I'm tired of hearing about it.
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  Get over, move on. Just leave.
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  Hey, some people might hear, some people might say more like
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  more than one of these things to you.
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  So you might hear. Just leave.
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  You might hear get over. But you gonna hear more than one
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  of these days in totality, right?
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  The next one on my list is they didn't hit you.
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  They didn't. Emotional abuse, verbal abuse.
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  That's not abuse. You didn't get hit.
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  You should be happy. And guess who else?
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  Guess who else says that right there.
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  You should be lucky you didn't get hit.
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  I got hit. Guess who else said something
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  similar to that? The narcissist.
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  Don't narcissist say something very similar to that right
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  there. At least I didn't hit you.
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  Yeah, I could have hit you, but I didn't hit you.
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  You look, I didn't hit you. I do.
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  You deserve to be. Look, even though you deserve to
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  be hit, I never put my hands on you.
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  I didn't even hit you. You didn't get hit, so it
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  couldn't have been that bad. You didn't get hit, so it
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  definitely couldn't have been that bad at all.
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  Like, abuse is just physical. There's no such thing as
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  emotional abuse. Emotional abuse was made by blue
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  haired beta soy boys and soy girl soy girl feminist.
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  Blue haired. Emotional abuse doesn't.
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  He's not real. Yeah.
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  My mom yelled at me. She screamed at me.
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  Yeah. She blocked me to the closet.
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  Right. She you some saying she starved
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  me. She never hugged me, she
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  neglected me every other way, but she didn't abuse me.
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  This is how she showed love. You blue haired hippie.
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  Doesn't sound stupid. So they didn't hit you.
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  It's silly ass stupid advice. Still a stupid thing to say to
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  somebody. The next on my list and this is
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  going to piss some of y'all of right here.
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  Forgive them. Did I say that?
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  Was that me? I'm not telling you to do it.
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  Somebody else might say it to you, though.
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  Somebody else it might just say you need to forgive them.
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  You only get one mom. You only get one dad.
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  You only get one brother. Where you get bored of a
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  brother, right? Both sides.
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  You only get one of these. You only live once.
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  Life's too short. They give you all these kind of
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  platitudes, right? Life's too short, be happy,
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  smile through the pain. You know what I'm saying?
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  They give you all these generic platitudes in order to try to
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  get you to move on and live your life.
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  So they'll tell you exactly, just forgive them.
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  Or in the religious space, you hear a lot of people hear this
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  in the religious space, forgive them.
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  God don't like God says forgives.
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  You got to forgive. God said that.
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  God said that. Y'all be saying stuff that God
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  himself didn't say. Y'all was saying the words that
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  a man wrote down to. God told them.
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  We just all believe it, right? You know what I'm saying?
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  God said you got to forgive. You got to forgive how you know
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  a toxic manipulative minute? How you know a toxic manipulator
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  didn't write that part right there about forgiveness and just
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  show it to somebody. Look, the Bible says you got to
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  forgive me even though I did you horrible.
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  Some people could have made it up.
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  You don't. I don't tell us somebody you
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  should forgive somebody that abused them is horrible,
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  horrible advice. It's a horrible thing to say
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  somebody. The next one, I look #5 find
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  someone else. You know the way.
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  You know the quickest way to get over someone is to get under or
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  behind someone else or on top of someone else.
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  You need to just find somebody else.
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  Fine. Look, there's plenty of fishing
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  to see another platitude, right? There's plenty of fishing to
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  see. You got to go swimming.
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  You need, you need better bait, right?
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  You need to do this. You have.
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  You should just find someone else.
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  Finding someone else is just easy.
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  You look, you got everything going for you.
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  Find someone. Yeah.
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  Finding someone else also means you can find a worse person,
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  doesn't it? I think people say was people
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  say find someone else, they automatically assume that
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  everybody else out there is better than your ex or the
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  person who abused you. So they're just automatically
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  telling you to find someone else because they think it's as
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  simple as that right there. They they think simple human
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  detachment work like human, human attachment works like a
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  light switch. You can just turn it on and off.
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  So again, they either don't understand emotional abuse and
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  healing or they don't care if somebody it's like they told you
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  more than one of these things. I'm a lean towards both of them.
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  Like they can both not understand it and also not care
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  because those two things don't have to be mutually exclusive,
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  right? Those those things can work hand
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  in hand and whatnot. So yeah, absolutely.
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  Somebody tell you to find somebody else.
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  It's not good advice. It's one of the worst things you
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  can say to somebody. Because if you, let's just say
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  you take that advice, right, you go out here and find someone
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  else, again, you can find a worse person.
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  Worse people exist, right? Worst people exist.
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  So telling somebody to find someone else or get behind or
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  get on top of or bounce on top of or bounce on that right
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  there. Throw it in a circle.
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  Put, throw a little Wham in a circle, even if it's little,
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  make it jump like a hurdle. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's the type of stuff right there.
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  Yeah. So tell somebody to find someone
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  else is not a good advice. Next.
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  It couldn't be that bad. It could or it couldn't have
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  been that bad. You stayed, right?
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  Why would you stay if it was abusive?
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  Why would you stay if you didn't like it?
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  Why would you stay if it wasn't that bad?
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  Why would you stay if they treated you so badly?
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  Why didn't you just leave? You said you said how it works
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  hand in hand. This type of stuff could go hand
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  in hand with somebody else, right?
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  Yeah. You need to forgive them.
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  It couldn't have been that bad. There's another one together
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  right there. They didn't hit you.
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  It couldn't have been that bad, right?
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  You stayed, you get get over it. It couldn't have been that bad,
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  right? You see how it all can go work
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  it hand in hand. These things, this list, they do
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  not have to be mutually exclusive.
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  They can be in, they are all inclusive.
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  They can work together hand in hand, different combination,
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  different combinations, right? Different permutations, whatever
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  the case may be. So you got to figure it out in
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  that space right there. That's what you think that one
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  thing you have to understand too, like these things go hand
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  in hand. These things work within with
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  each other in tandem and what not y'all.
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  And so the next one I got on my list, I don't got two more of
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  y'all. They were nice to me.
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  I want to, yeah, I actually want to throw my mic at that one.
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  I want to launch my dad mic at that one right there.
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  They were nice to me. I know that they put you through
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  hell and back. I know that they treated you
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  horribly. I know that they did you as
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  wrong as people can do you, but they were nice to me.
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  When I talked to them, they were really nice to me.
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  When I dealt with them, they were really nice to me.
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  When I met them, they were really nice to me.
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  They really called you. They really nice to everybody
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  else. They're a firefighter, they're a
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  pastor, they're a lawyer, they're a doctor.
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  They're a nurse. You know what I'm saying?
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  They do good stuff, they do good deeds.
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  They're nice to me. They're nice to everybody.
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  You know what I mean? They're nice to everybody except
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  for you. So again, if they're nice to
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  everybody except for you, if they were nice to me but not
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  nice to you, that leads into the last one.
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  What did you do? Oh, y'all see a high time
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  together? Do y'all see how they tied
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  together right there? Number 8 was, what did you do?
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  What did you do? What did you do?
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  They were nice to me. So what did you do to them?
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  There's two sides to every story.
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  What did you do to them? There's three sides to every
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  story. What did you do to them?
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  You know what I'm saying? They did.
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  If they did hit you, what did you do to make them hit you?
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  They never hit me, right? You just leave.
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  What did you do to them? Get over it.
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  Find someone else. You see how it all works?
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  Hand in hand? These are all awful things that
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  you can say to a survivor. All of it's awful.
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  All of it is awful, right? All of it is.
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  But this how it goes hand in hand.
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  This stuff goes hand in hand. Like they were nice to me.
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  Find some money. You see what I'm saying?
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  These are all horrible things that you can say to the survivor
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  or thriver. So if you, if you yourself have
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  worked and have said this to people, just be careful with
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  your words. I know something.
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  Sometimes people don't say this intentionally again because some
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  people just don't understand, right?
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  But if you are one of the people that are saying these things,
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  you got to watch out. Saying this type of stuff could
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  hinder somebody's healing and you don't want to hinder anybody
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  healing, y'all? You don't want to be the part,
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  the reason somebody stayed in an abusive relationship dynamic for
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  longer than what they should have stayed, right?
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  You don't be the reason that somebody went back into an
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  abusive situation and lost their life, do you?
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  Do you? You see, I'm saying, so tell us
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  somebody to get over it or just leave and stuff.
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  That type of stuff does not help anybody.
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  It helps 0 people, you know what I mean?
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  It absolutely does Y'all end of the video y'all cut it off right
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  now. It's like hit the subscribe
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  button before you leave and also check out my website
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  No bullshit because again, you just as bad as people telling
• 13:26
  these survivors this type of stuff.
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