Latest / Aired Out / Vermont Fatherhood with Josh Miller

Transcript

Vermont Fatherhood with Josh Miller · Aired Out

• 1:49
  Speaker 1: All right, good morning. We got the Vermont Road construction
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: report that has been posted up this morning. And I'll
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: be honest with you, it is going to be a busy,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: busy week all over the state for construction. So I
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: said it last Monday. I'll say it this week as well.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Pack plenty of patience and maybe a little bit of
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: extra time getting to where you need to be. Caffeinated, showered,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: fully clothed, ready to go. Here we go. Happy Monday.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Let's start the work week together. Glasses by Optical Expressions
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: this morning and frankly every day on the air here.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Quality eye care that you can see. Fourth floor of
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: the Blanchard Block in the Granite City right here. Look,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: it is Monday. If you're looking for something to do today,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: you want to get out, catch a movie with the family,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: the Paramount Twin Theater right here in Barrie is the
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: place to be. $ 5 Mondays. So tonight, great night to
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: catch a movie without breaking the bank. Just a very
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: good morning to you. What a weekend. Went to Lake
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Willoughby with the family and Had every intention in the
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: world before we got there of completely submerging myself in
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Lake Willoughby. It got as far as the knees. I
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: just couldn't do it. I tried. But anyway, it was so,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: so beautiful. I'll share some pictures. Tomorrow is going to
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: be an interesting day here on Aired Out. My words
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: from my mouse, mouth, mouth. Some things that very much
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: need to be said and will be tomorrow morning right
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: here on Aired Out. Wednesday, Sweethearts and Heroes Day with
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Josiah McKee, and I can hardly wait for that one.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: 20 stores in 20 days on Thursday, and then G
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: is going to close out the week on Friday. We
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: have a lot of stuff going on. 56 degrees with
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: cloudy skies, 63 later today, partly sunny, so It'll get better.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Looks like tonight a few clouds down around 40. I
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: think I saw 36, 37, but now they're saying 40.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: It's going to be frost in the pumpkin soon. Tuesday,
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: partly sunny and 71 degrees. Sitting right next to me
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: on the couch. And this guy, Josh, it's been a
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: while since I've seen you, man. Like over a month.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we missed a couple sessions. That makes
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: at least three months between.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Unintentional, but man, it was a busy summer for me.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I was away for a couple of weeks. You, however,
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: have been just digging your nails right into this community
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: and setting some incredible roots here with Vermont Fatherhood. What
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: a remarkable thing to do. I had a quick glance
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: at your social media. You had a very busy summer.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: You've been connecting with dads across central Vermont and, frankly, beyond.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: and getting out to the community i saw you guys
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: were out at uh where was it to the the
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: nature center over in montpelier.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Yep north branch nature center we went on there i've
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: been wanting to uh years ago when uh chris robinson
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: was running the at the family center during the dad
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: night there he had done a bug hunt out in
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: the backyard there and i always wanted to do a
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: bug hunt so talked with those guys over there and
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: and uh we got in it we were we had
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: nets and we got into the river there and We had,
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know, like, I think like nine or ten
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: guys there and kids and got some nets catching some
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: crayfish and some water scorpion, I think we caught, some
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: cool stuff. But it felt like, you know, guys getting
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: down and dirty into, you know, kind of being a
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: kid again, just like hunting for bugs. And we had
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: a great time, had a dinner together, a little picnic dinner,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: and those guys are great. So it was a great time.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: It really looked like it. Everybody had a smile on
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: their face. How has it been? Give me a snapshot
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: of the last couple of months. What are you doing
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: here in Barry for folks that may not be familiar
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: with who you are and what you're doing with Vermont Fatherhood?
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: Sure, yeah. Vermont Fatherhood, I mean, the basic explanation of
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: what we're doing is supporting dads and to be the
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: best they can be for their families and in, in
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: all the different ways. And as I was telling you earlier,
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: there's always a new scenario that shows up, um, in,
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: in the center, you know, uh, each week, each day. Um,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: and really just, you know, holding space for guys to
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: talk about what's going on and, and figure out where
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: the tough parts are and figure out how to support
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: getting through those tough times. And, and so, um, it's
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: been great. A lot of individual work, uh, with guys
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: and group or Tuesday night group, um, has been great.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: We're getting, you know, 10, 11, 12 guys there, um,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: and just been building a great community of guys there.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: I think guys are feeling super supported and, um, you know, just,
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: I think just shifting their gears, uh, not, not doing
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: it alone, you know, and, and I think that's really important. Um,
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: and started 24 seven dad a couple of weeks ago
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: with some guys and that's a curriculum group. Just, uh,
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: you know, gets more laid out, more structured than, than,
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: than the drop-in group. Um, but still, uh, really good.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: Just again, talking about, you know, how do we be
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: our best? Um, and, uh, yes, but some other stuff
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: in there too. I mean, I, you know, play group,
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: play group is happening and supervising some visits. And, uh,
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: I had a cool, I was this last Friday, I
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: was actually out in Lowell, Mass. Uh, I got asked
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: to be at this health summit and was talking about
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: How do we engage dads in the early phases, in
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: the perinatal phase? It was incredible. I was like, how
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: did I get here? It was super cool. I got
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: to talk to a lot of people about what we're doing.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: A lot of interest in what's happening and how much
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: is needed pretty much everywhere.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: We were just chatting seconds before we went live about
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: just being a better parent. It doesn't have to be
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: a dad. You obviously focus on fatherhood and dads, but
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: And the frankly, the difference between being a father and
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: being a dad. But we were I was also telling
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: you about there's some moms that have created, I think,
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: a kind of a mom's group here in Barry where
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: they're getting together and they're walking, getting some exercise and
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: with with their kids. And I think that's great, man.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Parenting is difficult. There's a lot to sort out. We
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: have all the number of challenges that we all kind
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: of know about and experience, and any time we get support,
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: it just makes us better to be able to share,
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: like get stuff off our chest, try to make a decision,
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: how do I do this better? The tantrums drive me nuts,
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: or I'm not sleeping, or my kid won't eat anything
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: but chicken nuggets, all this stuff that comes up, and
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: kind of talking about what happens when you get people together,
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: parents together. is you get just different ideas about how
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: to do it, how to strategize, and you also get
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: the support, and you just feel better, and some stuff
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: is just hard, you know? Some stuff is just, it's
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: not like, you're not a bad parent, it's just two-year-olds,
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: three-year-olds can be hard, not sleeping can be hard.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: And when you know you're not alone in it, it just,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: it really helps to get through that hard time.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: There's so many, there's so many stages here, and I mean,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: you were just talking about prenatal, you know, just getting
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: ready to be a father, a dad, just preparing for
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: that with everything that is unpacked there. But going all
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: the way, you know, through the toddler stage, through into
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: the preteens, the later teens, the 20s and 30s, it
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: seems like there's maybe a little bit of a shift here.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: And you've been chatting with veterans, too, about being a
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: dad in... later parts of life. Yeah.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, you know, it's, it's I, I, a
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: few weeks ago got a chance to go to the
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: veterans place and meet a couple of guys and, and
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: just start talking about their stories and guys with, you know,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: older kids and, and just, and some of the challenges
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: there is still, you know, sometimes, sometimes things, yes, they
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: ain't connected. And, and the different challenges there. And, and
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: I think similarly, it just, I think I, the feedback
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: I got was like, it was just nice to talk
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: about it. Um, there were no solutions necessarily about the challenges, but,
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: you know, to be able to get perspective on it
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: and how to approach it. And, uh, again, knowing like
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: everybody has their different story and, and be able to
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: be at a group of guys that, you know, a
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: group of people that can, you know, share that and, and, um, just,
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: as something that, that psychologically helps us sort it out,
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: you know, but, um, that's been nice to do and
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: be in the Northfield community. Cause I, I've been around
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Northfield for a long time and, and, uh, so it's
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: nice to start connecting with dads in that area a
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: little more. Yeah.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: That's so wonderful. You know, um, and here's the thing,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: and you just kind of alluded to it, that it,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: it doesn't, this is not some like class that you
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: have to take. I mean, you can just, um, Like,
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: you don't always have the solutions. You can just sit
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: and kind of vent and have other dads around you
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: relate to what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. I don't
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: have the answers either. But, yeah, that sucks. Or, yeah,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: that's great. I remember. I can share that with you.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I understand.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: I'm there or I've been there. Yep.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Those things do make a lot of difference. And
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: it can be in a group.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Well, also give some advice, too.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: It can be advice. You could be, you know, and,
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: and also as individual too, guys can come in individually,
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: just set up a, you know, uh, shoot me a
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: call or text or email and just say, Hey, let's
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: get together. And I'm, I usually, you know, I have
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: a number of guys, I go somewhere else and meet
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: them somewhere else. So I'm happy to do a little
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: travel there and, and, uh, just kind of talk about
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: what's going on, you know, and, and, um, and it's,
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: it's been helpful, I think for, uh, for some guys
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: to be able to, to do that. Um, But the
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: group is great, too. Your groups are great. I think
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: being able to, yeah, share with a bunch of guys, like,
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: this is what's going on, and know that the stages,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: the challenging stages, they change, you know? And all the
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: different stages provide their different elements of challenge. You know,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: from babies and not sleeping to your preteens to my 17-year-old,
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: almost 18-year-old now, he's trying to figure out what it
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: means to be a young adult and not wanting to
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: do that and still be a kid and, and, uh,
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: but want all the privileges of being an adult and
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: how to, how to talk about that with him. And, and, uh,
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: and that's, you know, that, that's, that's what it is,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: you know, just talking about it and he gets to this,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: then he gets to decide what, you know, he's going
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: to be doing.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: You and I are right about the same age and
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: you've got four kids, 11, 15, 17, and 34, I think.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Well, you're a year behind, but yes, very good. Very good, JD.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I don't know how you're doing that.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: Look at you.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: You're not even that gray.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: That's why I have my hat on, covering it up, man. Yeah,
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: you know, I think I've learned a lot. I think
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I've been lucky in a lot of ways. And just,
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: you know, for me, and I think I've told this
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: story about not having a dad and what does that
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: mean to be a dad. And I think that actually,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: you know, being able to sort of transform that feeling
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: of loss to, feeling of seizing the opportunity of being
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: able to be the dad that I want to be.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: And as we all do, I have some shortcomings, and
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: also I think that I've been pretty plugged in and
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: engaged with them at the same time. And so it's
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: a lot. It's a lot to be a parent and
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: take care of everything else you've got to take care of.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right. This is something that is not going away.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: It is something that I think there's more attention being
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: paid to just being a better parent these days with
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: everything else that we're contending with. Stuff that's changing in
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: our world, changing in the news, changing with technology. We're
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: dealing with all kinds of stuff. I don't know if
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: you've seen the new Toy Story movie.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Toy Story 5.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: I loved it.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: What a... Josh, what a freaking message, man.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: That was genius.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: It was?
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: It was incredible. Yeah, my 17-year-old guy, he was like,
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: I feel like I need to go play with my
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: toys now. It was really weird to go see it
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: as a family. And, you know, it was great to
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: have my 17-year-old and now 16-year-old going to see a
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: kid's movie. But there was definitely, you know, some good
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: messaging in there and the way it was played out
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: just of how the toys are stuck, you know, hanging
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: out in the sand and they're not being used and
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: And we're all on these devices. And it is a big,
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: big struggle for everybody in parenting that and even being
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: a kid in that, understanding expectations. It's a lot. And
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: how to get out and play in the sand and
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: play in the water, go on a bug hunt, all
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: those things.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Use your imagination.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Use your imagination, yeah.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: And for single parents who are working full time and
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: busy as hell, Yeah. And running around with their head
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: cut off and, you know, trying to balance work life
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: and being true to themselves, taking care of themselves and
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: needing that time to be unplugged, but also not pushing
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: it too far. Don't make you make sure that your
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: kids aren't disengaged with you and engaged with their devices anymore.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: too much, like where to set those boundaries. I'm guessing
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: you've had these conversations before.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: It's hard. And for a number of reasons, I want to,
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I want to mention something, try to remember, um, as
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: a side note, but I think it's really hard. And
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: I will say as parents, you know, I think we
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: struggle because we're on our devices all the time too,
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: whether it's work or social or whatever the things are
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: like it is, it is a different age in that way. And,
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: and I think we're parents and like, you know, I,
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: I need to, cook dinner without being interrupted. Like, yeah,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: go on your devices. But I'll say, I definitely feel like,
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: you know, and as we able to compare our kids,
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: like our 11 year old has grown up in this
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: like very much and devices are in our house, you know,
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: kind of all over the place. And the boys, the
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: big boys have phones. And so our 11 year old
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: is like always trying to get on device, always trying
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: to figure that out. And I think, you know, there's
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: parts of that. And there's also like, you know, speaking
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: of toy story, like he, I don't think he plays
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: with toys that much anymore, but, at all, and it's
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: all about, you know, kind of some electronic or some
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: way to be on the computer. And I'm like, kind
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: of feel as I've let him down in that way,
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: and there's this sort of battle of like, you know, Henry,
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: are you on the computer again? Like, get off, you know,
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: and go outside, do this or do that. And, you know,
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, he does other things too, but I think
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: it's definitely hard to balance that and constantly trying to
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: be enforcing that. um, with our kids. Cause it becomes,
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: you know, a big head running match. And, you know,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: if you don't get off your computer now, dot, dot, dot,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: you know, this is the, you know, whatever the things are.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: And so how do we set those up? Um, and
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: then the side note I was going to say was
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: we had, we had a guy come to group and
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: did some internet safety with us. So on top of
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: boundaries around our stuff, you know, is what are our
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: kids doing when they are on there? And it was
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: really a great conversation. We're going to do more of it,
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: which is just you know, when our kids are little
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: and the fact that the games are connected to the
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: internet and all the dangers that are there. And, and
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: I think it's, uh, it's, I'm really glad that, that
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: we're doing some of that work. And, and, um, again,
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: cause our, our, one of our jobs as, as fathers,
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: as parents is to be a protector.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: And that's the, the, we know more about that, um,
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: the better. And I will tell you, it's, it's hard.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: It's way harder.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: It really is. We just got to comment here. Uh,
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: it's just way different time now from when Our listener
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: was a kid, and it really is. I mean, there's
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: a difference between– and we've had this discussion too lately.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: There's a difference between having a tablet or a device
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: for entertainment purposes, for education purposes, and just mindless scrolling.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: And you've got to be– as a parent, you've got
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: to be dialed in, man. You've got to be really–
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: not only dialed in and observing what, you know, what's
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: being fed to your, your kids, but also maybe putting
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: some healthy parameters and restrictions on that, whether it's a time,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: you know, a timed device or, you know, certain time
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: at night when we're powering down or it's, you know,
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: one hour a day or whatever it may be after school, um,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: You got to just stay on it, and it's not easy, man.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: We've had the pushback lately, our little girls, 11, and, man,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: two adults feeling like we're in a war here. I mean,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: it was tough, really tough. I mean, did we win? Technically, yes.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: But it's more of let's calm down. It's not that
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: you're being punished. Let's just take a deep breath here
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: and have a discussion about this. It's let's talk about
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: what you're seeing, why you're seeing it, and let's talk
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: about watching maybe some better things. with not so much time.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: And frankly, you really are starting to have some responsibilities now,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: not just after school, but into the evening and even
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: before you go to bed. And by the way, we
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: got an oil change to do on your dirt bike.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: And....
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: The bird feeders need to be filled. I mean, there's
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: stuff going on that need to be done in addition
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: to cleaning up your room. We have some responsibilities. We
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: need to get busy.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's definitely a balance of what things you need
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: to be doing, taking care of, on top of get outside, whatever.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: Take a walk and getting ourselves out and saying, hey,
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: let's go. Let's, you know, let's go for a walk.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Let's go do this thing. Let's go kick the soccer
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: ball around. Yeah. And then also, I'm tired. It's been
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: a long day. I need to make dinner. I need
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: to do this. I need to do that. And how
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: are kids, you know, how are kids, you know, again,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: you know, not be on the computer the rest of
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: the night.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: And it's a hard balance. And I think you mentioned
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: about single parents. I think it's in particular... you know,
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: is you have so much– you have to do all
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: the responsibilities, and it's hard to– if you have one kiddo,
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: if you have two kiddos, three kiddos, how to not
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: just be like, I need a break. I need to
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: be able to take care of this and then manage
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: what they're looking at. And it's a lot, a lot
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: of work and hard. And I guess I would say–
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: and I can say this with the admission that, you know,
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: I know that I'm great at this, but just if
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: we are trying to be consistent, we are trying to–
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Help our kids have some boundaries.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, have some.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: And that the long game is they will have some boundaries.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: They'll know, like I've been on the computer, that they
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: can say it to themselves that I need to go outside,
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: get my eyes off something. I mean, we as parents
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: have to really work hard. I mean, boy, I tell you,
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I don't do it too often, but you see one reel,
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: it helps you do another reel. That stuff is smart
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: as heck. And I'm like, wow, how do they know?
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: How do they know I love this stuff? And, and
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: I just, you know, so I am as a, as
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: a spry 54 year old man, you know, and, and understanding, like,
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: I don't have to have limits. You know, if you're 16, whoo,
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: who's shutting you down? You know, you're not generally not
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: doing it. It's, it's so synced to your. you know,
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: your likes and the things you want to know about. Oh, yeah.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, listen, Sherilyn is 12 years younger than me,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: and we have had this discussion many times where I'm
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: sitting there saying, man, it's a beautiful sunny day. The
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: sky is blue. When I was a kid, I.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Love that line.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: When I was a kid, and as soon as I,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: I don't even realize I'm saying that, Josh. But when
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: I say, when I was a kid, I see the
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: look on her face. Oh, here we go. I was
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: out climbing trees. We have a beautiful river in our backyard.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't have got me out of that river. I'd
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: have been in there all day catching crayfish and slipping
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: and falling. And digging holes. Doing whatever. Creating a jump
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: from my bike. Getting hurt. Whatever. All day. And it's
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: just like, all right, sun has been shining. She's been
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: on the tablet for an hour. It's time to wrap
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: it up, you know. And, you know, Sherilyn's like, yeah, okay,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: we're going to do it. But, you know, we got
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: to kind of tread lightly here a little bit, whereas
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: I don't really want to. I'm like, hey, it's time.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I think it's, you know. There's a lot
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: of things we can do around that, and I can
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: say them all, and it's still hard because it's not
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: a one-day battle. It's day after day, week after week. Yeah.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: And it's going to be when it gets colder out.
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: It's a little harder to get the kids outside.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: Of course.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: So how do we do that? There's a lot of
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: strategies out there of what we can do, setting a timer,
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: giving the five-minute warning, and you've got to do this
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: before you go play your games, and then we're shutting
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: off at this time. You can have all that stuff.
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: But it's a lot of work, and I think if
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: we can balance it out with trying to make sure
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: we're doing stuff with the kids as well and spending
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: time outside in the sunshine and doing all that stuff,
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: I think it is on us as parents to set
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: that tone. The kids are not there to set that tone.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: So we have to be careful of getting angry at
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: the kids for not doing it because... We're the ones
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: that kind of set that tone. And if we are
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: lax on it all the time, which I will tell
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: you we can be, then we set our kids up
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: to fail.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Sure.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: And then we're blaming them for why they're not getting off.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: And I just think that that's an easy one to
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: get into.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: And me as a parent, I'm like, oh, it's on you. Yeah. Yeah,
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: And maybe, quite frankly, especially for the single parents who–
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: don't have another parent to hand the baton to and say,
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: I need your support here. I need you to take
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: the wheel. I just don't have the energy. I'm exhausted.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I'm tired. I got a headache or I'm injured, whatever
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: it is. I mean, we all have reasons for just
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: wanting to say, all right, you know what? I give up.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: Go ahead. Be on your tablet for a while. I
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: need a damn break. Yeah.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah. No, that's, That's part of what it is. We
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: fall into what our own needs are. It's okay. There's
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: a little bit of that. I will say it's kind
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: of cool that we can do that, get a break,
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: and our kids do that. We just have to find
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: the balance of that and the ways to be consistent.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: I would say the better we are at setting those
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: things up, hey, we need a reset. We need to
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: set some limits here. You've got to kind of keep
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: on going back to that and doing that because you
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: just get lax and you want to do it. But
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I think we continue to work on it and do
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: our best with it. And with all the things that
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: we have to do as parents, all the things that
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: our kids are doing not enough of or too much of,
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: how do we help them with those boundaries?
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: This past weekend, Saturday morning, beautiful sunny day. We all
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: get up. We do our Saturday morning pancakes and so
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: on and so forth. And then I want to set sail.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I want to get out of Dodge. There's places to go,
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: things to do, places to see. It's a beautiful day
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: in Vermont. We're not staying home. So I had the
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: idea of taking the family and going up to Lake Willoughby. And, oh,
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: such a long drive. Oh, God, man. got one excuse
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: after another from my little girl why we couldn't go.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: And then it was why she couldn't go. You know,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: and bottom line is, we went, she wasn't thrilled. You know,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: what is there that's so exciting up there? I knew
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: that once I got her up there, that it was
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: going to be another story. And it definitely was. I mean,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: she's having a blast. She was loving every second of it.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: Going around, exploring, finding this and that, and going out
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: in the water and the whole nine yards. And there
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: was part of me that just really wanted to be like, see?
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: I told you so. But I was like, you know...
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Try not to– I said to myself– I called myself
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: just before. I was like, try not to do that.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: Try to just say positive reinforcement. You're having fun. You're
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: having a good time. You're having fun. Not I told
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: you so. Yeah.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Even though I wanted to.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. And sure. And I think it's– I think,
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: you know, yeah, you can– that's sort of how do
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: we like put a caption on that time. you know,
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: it could be, I told you so, or it could
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: be like, wow, we got to do this on a
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: regular basis or I'll make sure that I wonder, you know,
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: there's another place that we could check out. And, and
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: I think it is like, you know, seeing that up,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: you know, going to do something and, and, um, and yeah,
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: there's going to be a little, little, little fight from,
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: from whoever, whether, you know, anybody in the family and, and, uh,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: and even ourselves, I'm just saying like, let's, let's get
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: out and do this thing and, and, uh, have a
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: good time. And, And, um, I think those things were,
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: will be memories that were, that are in, in our,
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: you know, brains and our kids' brains and be like,
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that is a good time. I remember that.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: That my mom did that. I mean, she would get
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: my brother and I in the, in the car on
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: a Saturday or Sunday, we would just go for a drive.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: It was amazing. I mean, I still remember this today.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: It was a beautiful memories, crystal clear for me. Um,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: I want to ask you a question. I know we
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: could talk all day about this. And I know that
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: we've unpacked a lot here, setting boundaries and being accountable
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: and teaching your kids about building self-confidence. And there's a
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: whole lot of stuff that we've talked about. We could
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: talk for hours. You unpack a lot of this every
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Tuesday at Vermont Fatherhood. But even beyond that now, this
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: isn't just a one-day-a-week thing here. Your Tuesday night groups
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: are busy, but you're over at Vermont Fatherhood all the time,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: every morning, right?
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: Yep, yep. Monday through Friday there, and, you know, it's
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: different things going on. You know, a couple days a
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: week play group, and I have a 24-7 dad curriculum
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: group that's happening that's great, just, you know, a little
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: more structured, but Um, it's, it's great just being able
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: to bring up the conversation, a lot of one-on-one stuff
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: with guys. Um, and you know, I might be doing
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: other stuff in other spaces. I go up to Burlington
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: and do a little bit of time up there with a,
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: with a dad. Um, and so, yeah, it's really trying
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: to provide as much opportunity to, um, you know, meet
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: with guys, meet with them where it feels comfortable to them,
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: where they're located and, and, uh, But I'm here, you know,
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: over there every day. I usually try to get there,
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: you know, before 9 o'clock and, you know, have a
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: cup of coffee. And, you know, I've had some guys
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: just drop in, which has been really great.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: That's really cool.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: And we're expanding our space. I don't know. I probably
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: didn't tell you that. But we are expanding into the
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: back offices and working on getting those things fitted. Wow.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: And we're doing some other programming coming up. I'm excited.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: I'm going to try to get a dad's D & D.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: dads and kids, D and D group dungeons and dragons. Um,
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: so Lego night, try to do some other, you know,
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: parent education stuff and trying to expand, uh, with, with
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: as much as I can do on my own.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's so cool. Make sure, uh, folks that
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: you're not only following and liking and, and, and sharing
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: Vermont fatherhood on, on social media, but also that you're, you're,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: You're telling your friends, your family, your coworkers about this organization, too,
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: which is now what now? Is it a year and
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: a half, two years?
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Let's see. If you go May. May. May when I
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: opened up. June is when I started programming. So, you know, yeah,
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: a year and two, three months.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah. All right. So every morning, 9 o'clock, doors open.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Right down next to Wabi Jewelers.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Right here on North Main Street. No reservation needed. No charge.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: Come in, have a cup of coffee, talk about whatever
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: you want to talk about, being a father. Learn about
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: your Tuesday programming. Learn about your 24-7 curriculum-based programming that
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: you've got that's new. Learn about the playgroups. Learn about
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: all this. Let's pretend... And I'm always on the air
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: at 9 o'clock, so I can't go in there and
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: have a cup of coffee with you. But one of
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: these days, I'm just going to.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Come other times. I'm over there. I'm there. Yeah.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Can we do that, though? One of these mornings at
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: 9 o'clock.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: Show up. I've got my numbers on the internet. It's
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: on the door. You can text me and say, hey,
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: I'm in the area. I'd like to stop by. More
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: than welcome to stop by.
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: And you and I should maybe plan that out, that
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: one of these mornings at 9 o'clock, I'm going to
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: show up. But let's pretend that I'm showing up right
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: now at 9 o'clock. This is what I would say
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: to you. This is off the cuff. Unrehearsed.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: What would I say to you?
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: I'm going to throw something at you.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: Oh, do it.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Let's do it. Are you ready?
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: I'm ready.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Are you sitting down? Josh, we're the same age. When
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: I grew up. Everybody wasn't walking around with colored hair. And...
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: Facial jewelry or whatever you want to call it, piercings, whatever.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: I'm a little old-fashioned. I was afraid that there would
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: be a day when my little girl... would say to
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: me dad I want colored hair everybody else is doing
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: it I want purple hair I want pink hair that
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: day came and I'm like you know I just I'm
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: not a fan of it I guess it's just the
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: way that I was raised man, you know, you just
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know, man. But it's like
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: you mean the the temporary chalk stuff that you put
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: in there and it washes out the first time you
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: wash your hair?
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: Nope.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to think to myself in Sherilyn, again, 12
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: years younger than me. She is helping me. That, number one,
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: it's never permanent. Your hair is always going to grow
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: or you can cut it out. Number one. Number two, man,
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: there are like so many worse things. And if it
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: makes her happy and it makes her feel good, for
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: whatever reasons, the rest of her friends are doing it, whatever, whatever.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: If it makes her happy, go with it. Loosen up
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: the laces a little bit there, Dad.
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, pal.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: What say you, Josh? Come on, now.
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: All right. Well, yeah, J.D., you are old fashioned. And J.D.
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: Don't hold back. That was you. You are stuck in
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: a time of when you were a kid.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: Guess what?
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: Now is now, man.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: Don't be nice to me.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: Now is now. And your kid is your kid and
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: she wants to color her hair. What other time can
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: you just really get away with coloring your hair than
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: right now when you're 11, 12 years old? Like, let
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: her go. Let her let her. Let her do it.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know, if she wants to do blue-purple. Oh,
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: and guess what, JD? There's just enough dye in here
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: for you to color your hair, too, with your daughter.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: How great is that? You could both go around with
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: pink hair. How awesome would you look with pink hair?
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: You just have to figure out what outfit you're going
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: to wear with that pink hair, JD. But yes, you're
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: old fashioned. I think it is a time when she's
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: trying to, you know, explore like, you know, cool colors,
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: cool styles. You know, my kids are wearing different, you know,
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: wearing different styles than what we grew up in. And
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: and and it's she's her and she's not you. And
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: let it go. Let it go. And there'll be some
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: cool pictures. And guess what? When you're when she's 18,
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: you look like, oh, my gosh, what was I thinking?
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: You know, I can't believe I did that with my hair.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: Or she'd be like, wow, I look good. Whatever it is,
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: that's the stuff we have to let our kids express
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: themselves with. Like it's fine and it's cool and it
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: is temporary and, you know, or who knows.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: So that's what you would say to me. I just did.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: If I walked into your office at 9 o'clock some
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: morning and said, I need a cup of coffee right now.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: And I need to talk with you, Josh. That's exactly
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: what you would say.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: And if that's what you said to me, I'd say,
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: what's the problem? It sounds like she doesn't have a problem.
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: It sounds like you have a problem. I wouldn't say
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: that to you, but I would say, I would, I would,
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: you know, give it up, give it up to her to,
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: to let her, you know, color her hair. My, my kiddo, my,
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: my son, I think it was, I'm trying to think
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: how old he was. He was about that age. And
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: we went, To JCPenney. Remember JCPenney? They used to have
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: a salon back there. Oh, yeah. And he was like,
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: I want to get my hair colored on top of
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: getting a haircut. And I was like, what? I was like,
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: what color? I had a similar response. Like, why are
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: you kidding me? Like, what would you want to color?
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: And I was like, he did it. And I loved it.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: I actually, I was like, that is so, I was like, man,
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: you are bold. You are showing this is who you are.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: It's not who I am. And it's kind of a
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: sign of stability. confidence self-confidence that I could bust my
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: hair out in a different color especially you know maybe
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: not especially but you know being a boy I was
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: like okay um cool and he did he you know
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: he did it and and I thought it was great
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: there's a lot I love having pictures of looking back
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: and seeing him in his different styles his different hair
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: colors uh he did a couple times um I think
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: and and you know whatever.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: I know man I I need to get a grip
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: I I guess you know or lessen your grip Listen, but,
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: you know, there's still part of me that, like, there's
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: still part of me that just.
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: Says, why?
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: Just, you have such beautiful hair. Her hair is amazing.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: Just leave it alone.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: Why?
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: Don't do that.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. I think, I mean, you know, it's that,
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: that's your stuff, um, to be honest with you. And, and, um,
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: you know, it's, uh, it'd be interesting to see how
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: you feel if she actually did it and be like, Oh,
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: you know, and, and again, she's expressing herself. She, she
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: needs to, I think we could control a lot of
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: things about our kids. That's not the fight you want
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: to fight.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: There you go. You just said it.
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: And, you know, there's– yeah, there's a lot of other
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: ways we could put our energy into, you know, what
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: we're trying to make sure our kids are doing or
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: not doing. Yeah. But good for her and good for
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: you to allow it and good for your wife to,
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: you know, give all the reasons why. And it's– Let
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: it go, man.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: Comment here from James. I'm right there with you. Chemicals
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: that sit on your head and go into your skull?
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: Not for me. Taylor, though, says when we were her age,
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: a lot of girls just did little streaks for a
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: pop of color. Seems like a good compromise. No head
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: full of neon hair, but she can still experiment with self-expression.
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: And that's what she's doing. It's not a full head.
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: It's the It's the front streaks there. But, you know,
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: she's like saying, I mean, I said to you, I'm like,
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: when you're dad, there's constant opportunities on how you respond,
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: how you react to things. And I've screwed up plenty.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: But this was one when, you know, she's like the
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: big reveal. You ready? You ready? And she shows me,
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: and Sherilyn's standing behind her looking at me going, you
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: better be happy. You better be happy. And I was like, wow,
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: that's beautiful. But the main point here is give your
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: kids a little bit of breathing space to... come into
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: their own self creativity, personality.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's, you know, it's, I, I, I hear
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: where you're coming from and I'm, I'm fairly conservative too
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: for myself and, and just realizing like, you know, my, my,
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: my kids are also, I mean, they're like doing all
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: kinds of crazy wild things, but I think at some
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: point I'm, you know, I mean, my son got his,
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: got an ear pierced like a long time ago. And
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: I was like, why are you, you know? And I
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: was like, Okay. You know?
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: It's an ear.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: It's an ear. And I'm pretty sure he's going to
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: be getting a tattoo as soon as he can. How
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: old is he? He's almost 18. He'll be 18 in October.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: But it's like, you know, his mom has tattoos, and
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: I think that he'll, you know, be happy to, you know,
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: jump on that as soon as he can. Yeah. And
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: I have another son who's like, I have a couple
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: sons that are like, I have two, they're like, no way.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: And I have two, they're going to be absolutely. And
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: so that is, that is different than coloring your hair
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: and a little bit more permanency, a little more expensive. And, um,
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: you know, just choose that, choose whatever tattoo you get,
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: you're going to put on your body wisely. Like, just
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: don't regret it. Like make sure you, you know, get
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: a couple, a couple of different, you know, ideas on
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: the table. And, and, uh, But, you know, I just
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: think that's not the kind of thing I'm going to
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: control in my kiddos. I'm just not going to push
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: that hard on that. And I get, like, I'm not
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: going to put that stuff on my hair. My 11-year-old said,
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: you should dye your hair black. He said, you better
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: get really white. And I'm like, you know, it's interesting.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: That's another side of it, right? Like, what, you know?
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: And I'm not going to do that for whatever reasons. But,
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: you know, again, choose your battles. There's a lot of
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: stuff we can put energy into and And it's, you know,
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: my son is also cutting his own hair, my 18-year-old, 17-year-old.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: I don't necessarily think it's great, but I'm like, all right, man,
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: you're the one that has to get up every morning
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: and see people, you know what I mean? Or whatever,
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: you know, for better or for worse. But, yeah, they'll
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: figure it out.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: Sounds like you're saying that this hair color stuff, buckle up,
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: because the tattoo could be coming.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, maybe. I mean, I know that it's
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: coming for my oldest guy in the house, you know,
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: that that's definitely coming. And I mean, do you look around?
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: Tattoos are pretty popular and some are pretty cool and
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: some are not. And, you know.
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: This is fantastic advice and great conversation. And these are
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: typical kind of conversations that you have with other dads, right? please,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: please say yes.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: No, no. Are you kidding me? Like this is not,
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: like I said, if you were to come in and
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: you were telling us, I'd be like, okay, what's the problem?
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: That's not really a problem. That is your issue.
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: That's a problem. Oh, that's a problem.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: If that's, if that's your problem, if that's the depth
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: of your problem, man, you're doing fine. I'm not going to,
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: let's just drink some more coffee, buddy. You know, um,
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: there are other things that come in. One thing actually
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: I want to say on a more serious note is
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: one of the things that have come up, um, recently, not,
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: not a little more profoundly than normal is just men's
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: mental health. And I, guys are coming to me and
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: this is going to sound a little judgy, which is
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: they're just coming a little too late. They're just coming
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: when things have already changed in a really, like really,
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: I think big way in their lives because their mental
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: health was, uh, you know, just, it laid it, laid
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: it way too long before they asked for help. And
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: I just want to encourage any listener out there, anybody
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: who knows somebody who's a dad out there who's struggling
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: with some stuff that's going on, it's a lot, is
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: to reach out and let's talk about it before things
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: get to a place where they're really in the wrong direction,
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: whether it's hurting yourself or hurting other people. I just
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: am really being profoundly affected by some of the stories
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: I'm hearing. I was like, you needed to come to
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: me six months ago. You needed to come to me
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: two months ago. One guy said, oh, you should have
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: come to me a year ago. He said, actually, I
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: should have come to you six years ago. And and
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: it really is really important that we find a space
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: to do that and talk about what's going on. And,
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: you know, whether it's in a group or whether it's,
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: One on one.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: Please give– you know, trust. Trust. Please take a chance.
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: Come and we can start with talking about our kids'
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: hair color, but then let's talk about, you know, the
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: stuff that's really– that really weighs heavy on our hearts
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: and our minds and change the course or keep the
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: course in a way that's going well, you know, keep
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: getting to a better place. So I just hear these
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: things and I'm like, wow, that is an intense story
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: and we got to get to work, you know, so.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: And no two stories in situations are the same. Everything
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: is unique. No judgment. You're an approachable guy. You have
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: a great personality. You can be funny when need be.
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: You can be serious. You know what kinds of conversations
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: to have. You know what kind of questions to ask.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: And you also, Josh, know what resources are out there
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: that are maybe next level that you can point to.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: folks in the right direction. Yeah.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, there, there, there is, there's help out there.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's not readily available. We've got to figure that out.
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: We've got to do what we can in the meantime. Um,
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: and I just, I think there's, uh, in particular, a
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: lot of guys who just, you know, my term is
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: lone wolf it. They're just trying to, you know, they're,
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: they're out there doing their own thing and they're trying
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: to hold it all. And you just can't, um, you know,
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: effectively and, and it can, it can really hurt ourselves
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: or it can, you know, be, be hurting others. And,
• 47:17
  Speaker 2: and we just gotta like, And it doesn't have to
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: be me. It just can be other places. But it's
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: important to do. It's critical to do. I just want
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: to put a shout out to getting help and giving
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: guys permission to say it. Asking for help is hard,
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: but take a chance and reach out and see what
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: we can do.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: All right. Vermontfatherhood.org. Yes. On social media, Vermont Fatherhood, right
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: here in Barry on North Main Street. And your phone
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: number and everything is right on there. So pass this along. Ladies,
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: send guys Josh's way. And thanks for coming in here, man.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Really appreciate it. Second Sunday of the month is when
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: you're in here.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: Second Monday of the month?
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: You said Sunday.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: Or second Monday. Did I say Sunday?
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, Sundays. I'm not here.
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: Me either.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: Second Monday of every month. Thanks for coming in here, man.
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: Really appreciate it. Great conversation. Thanks for starting my day
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: like this. It's off to a good foot. Appreciate it.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: Thanks, J.D.
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: All right, buddy.