Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Asking For Space In a Relationship with a narcissist

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Asking For Space In a Relationship with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about space in a relationship
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  with a narcissist. What happens when they ask you
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  for space? And what happens if you ask a
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  narcissist for a space? Hey, I need hey, I'm sorry this
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  is going on. That needs some space.
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  I promise you I won't. I won't go see anybody else.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
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  So boom, welcome back folks. Welcome back, welcome back.
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  Yes, space in a relationship with the manipulative person.
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  Space in a relationship with a narcissist.
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  Before we hop deep into today's episode y'all make sure you
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  check out my kids book. Remember it's not your fault.
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  Written by see my my wife's name.
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  My wife's name is first written by my wife and myself.
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  It helps you have these conversations with your kids
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  about toxic relationship dynamics.
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  You know, telling them the truth.
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  Self love, body love, all the other good stuff y'all.
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  But yes. So when a narc let's, we're
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  going to start off, which one should I start off with when a
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  narcissist asks you for space? And then the second part will be
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  about when you ask the narcissist for space, right?
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  So when a narcissist asks you for space, what does it mean
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  typically? Typically is the Greek God of
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  maybe I think typically typically is like hippocles,
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  whatever, right? The Greek God of maybe.
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  Typically when a narcissist asks you for space, they're trying to
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  fill it with someone else. Very rarely do you have a
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  narcissist or toxic person, whoever's out here that is
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  trying to take a reprieve and be by themselves and go on a
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  journey by themselves and meditate and run across the
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  country like Forrest Gump. I'm gonna, I'm tired of running
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  now. Time to get back in my
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  relationship. No, hell no.
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  They don't do that. Y'all very rarely do.
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  This doesn't happen. I'm not saying it won't ever
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  happen, but very rarely will it happen.
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  Very rarely will they ask you for space and just be by
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  themselves. They're typically looking to try
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  to fill that space with someone else.
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  I know people don't want to hear that because it's tough to
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  understand sometimes, but this is how it goes, right?
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  This is what you'll be dealing with when you're dealing with an
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  abuser or manipulator, somebody who only cares about themselves
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  most of the times, somebody who's feels entitled to your
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  time, space, effort, and energy, they are looking to fill that
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  space with somebody else, right? They don't like narcissists,
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  don't like out narcissistic people don't like to be by
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  themselves. They don't like to be alone.
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  And no, just because you don't like to be alone does not mean
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  you're a narcissist. I know people, some people here,
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  they're like, Oh my God, am IA narcissist.
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  I don't like to be by myself. No.
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  Are you being abusive? Are you being manipulative?
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  Are you lying and cheating and stealing shit?
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  No. So come on now, stay with me.
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  Stay with me. Now stay with me here right, I
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  know y'all see the hoodie too. This is my look.
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  This is my self love hoodie that's coming out here pretty
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  soon. Y'all.
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  Y'all see that the I love me symbol Y'all see this is self
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  love, courageous, grateful, unique, aware, and this is super
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  high quality material. We're going to be releasing
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  these here pretty soon. Y'all It is oh I love it.
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  I love it having to know this is a sneak peek.
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  But yes y'all, this is what happens.
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  This is the mentality. This is how it goes when you're
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  dealing with abusive, manipulative people.
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  Like they want what they want, right?
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  And you, you know, in the beginning of relationship, you
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  don't have the beginning of relationship with a narcissist.
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  A lot of times they're taking up your space.
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  They're like, yeah, they won't give you space.
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  They're eating up all your time, effort and energy.
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  A lot of people think that it's sweet, right?
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  A lot of people think that it's sweet when you have a
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  narcissistic person, that a person that wants to spend every
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  waking all the time. I'm writing this down, this red
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  flag I'm going to talk about later when a person wants to
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  spend all their time with you, like not not, you know, it's up
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  under you all the time. It's cool, right?
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  It's cool sometimes, but like, if they have to be in your ear,
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  Bluetooth with you, they don't want you hanging out with your
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  friends, whatever it is they're trying to invade.
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  They're trying to take over your life.
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  They're not trying to be here to to to negotiate.
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  They're not trying to be here to, you know, meet you halfway.
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  They're trying to take over your life.
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  They're they're just wet. They're they're monopolizing,
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  monopolizing your time. You know, they take over the
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  entirety of your life and try to ruin it, right?
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  They try to ruin your life subtly.
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  They don't just say I'm I'm here to ruin your life.
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  They don't they're not like, you know, see the movie step
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  brothers. They're not they don't they're
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  not going to say I'm here to fuck shit up you something.
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  They're not going to do that, right?
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  Not all the time. Some of them.
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  Sometimes they will, but what I'll say is this right here, you
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  get a lot of narcissistic people who do stuff like that, right?
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  They will absolutely do things like that.
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  They will come into your life and just take up all of your
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  time. They take up your space.
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  You don't have any space. Like you might feel crowded.
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  It feels sweet. It feels like you're in love,
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  but sometimes it can feel overwhelming, right?
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  So ask, you know, isn't it in that somebody might ask him to
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  give you a little space right there, But we'll talk about that
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  later. They overwhelm you.
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  You don't have any space, right? They just immerse themselves in
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  your life and they try to immerse you in their lives.
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  Like y'all are tied at the damn they're pretty much tied at the
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  hip. It's like when you start a
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  relationship with a narcissist that does this type of stuff.
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  It's like damn near now you're in a three legged race now,
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  right Y'all, y'all feet are tied to each other.
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  You can't get away from them. You know, I know at the
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  beginning you can't get enough of them, but then they can
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  become overwhelming or overbearing.
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  And once they have you trapped, once they have you in a
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  relationship, they got you. Now they don't have to do this
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  space thing, right? So a lot of times they'll eat
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  your space, they'll eat into this, they'll they'll take your
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  space up. So when they ask you for space,
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  it's it's like a a big difference.
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  Like, wait, what the hell? You ask me for space now?
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  Like what? I thought we thought we enjoyed
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  having time together. I thought we did this.
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  I thought we did that. Hey, I need some.
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  I think we need to take a break. It's either a break or a space,
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  right? They'll ask you to take a break
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  sometimes, right? I need a break.
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  They're trying to fill that space with somebody else.
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  They're using this break to go out here and find somebody else.
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  So it's technically it's not cheating, right?
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  Technically it's not cheating. If you ask for a break, if you,
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  if you are here and clap some cheeks when y'all are not
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  together, you own a break, right?
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  You're off the clock. You know what I mean?
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  If you can take it, think about it like work.
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  Think about it at work. You don't get paid to take these
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  to to take this lunch, right? You got to clock out.
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  When I used to work in the warehouse, we had to clock out
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  to go on lunch 'cause it's our lunch break didn't count.
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  You don't get paid to be on lunch, so you don't get paid to
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  be on the break right here, right?
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  The break doesn't count in the relationship.
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  So they ask you for space. They're typically trying to fill
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  it with somebody else. You know, if they go from
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  talking to you every day, then they ask you for space and
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  they're talking to you. Yeah.
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  You know, once every couple days, once a week, they feel
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  like they, they feel like y'all are not together anymore.
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  They feel like they're ghosting you or something like that.
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  They're disconnected from you. They're trying to connect to
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  somebody else. So a narcissist, tax person,
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  whoever is asking you for space, this is probably the end of the
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  relationship. You probably entered the part of
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  the relationship called the the emotional discard.
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  Now I have a course in my on my website called Mental mental
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  illness.net called Understanding the Seven Stages of a
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  Narcissistic relationship. Why do speak about this, right?
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  You enter the emotional discard phase where they're they're
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  disconnected from you emotionally and they don't
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  necessarily break up with you, right?
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  They don't necessarily break up with you.
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  They might keep you around, but it's in a it's in a lesser
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  capacity. You no longer together together
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  anymore. It's a lesser capacity.
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  You know, like things have gotten bad right now, right?
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  Things are all horrible. You like the relationship
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  doesn't feel the same. They're just they're if they
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  disconnecting from you, they're typically connecting to somebody
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  else. So they ask you for space.
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  Watch out. Let the the the red flags should
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  be flying right then and there right.
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  The red flags should fly in this space right here.
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  Y'all see there it says it says amazing resilient.
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  This is yeah, this is the self love hoodie.
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  It's coming soon. So say too.
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  But yeah. So this is the space that so
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  many people fall into like, but I also say let's go to let's go
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  to the other part right here. Y'all.
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  When you, what happens when you ask a narcissist for for space?
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  When you ask a narcissist for space, it's typically because
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  they've done the emotional discard, right?
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  You feel disconnected from this person.
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  They have disconnected from you already, but they haven't asked
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  you for space. They haven't left the
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  relationship. They haven't asked you to take
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  take a break. So now you're disconnected from
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  them like you like, OK, this is the relationship doesn't feel
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  the same anymore. So I need to get out of here.
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  I need some time. I need some time to think about
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  what I really want, if I really want to move forward here.
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  Or if they've already cheated on you, they might have already
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  cheated on you and you've might have forgiven them or
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  considering forgiven them or getting back with them or
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  something like that. They've done something wrong to
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  you and now you asking for space to you asking for some space to
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  to find out what you really want or what you want to do right?
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  When you asking narcissist for space, man, they try to fill it
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  up. So the opposite, right?
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  If you ask a narcissist for space, a lot of times they try
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  to fill that space up. They won't give you space.
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  They'll they might agree to it. OK, I'll give you some time.
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  I'll give you some time to think about it, but I'll be thinking
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  about you. I promise I'll leave you be in
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  that you give you your space. Then that same night, that same
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  day they're testing texting you or calling you.
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  I just wanted to talk to they wanted to hear your voice.
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  I miss you. I'm going to get I'm going to go
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  get a tattoo. I'm going to go do this.
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  I'm going to go do that. I'm going to do this, I'm going
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  to do that, right? So this is what happens.
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  So it was just like if you ask them for space, they try to fill
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  up the space, they they try to go back, they might try to love
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  bomb you, right? They might try to go back to the
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  person at who they were at the beginning of the relationship
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  and give you everything that you've been asking for.
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  And then that should also set off some red flags with you as
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  well because why you doing this now?
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  You could have been doing this entire relationship.
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  You didn't have to lie or cheat or whatever, do you?
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  You didn't have to do that to me.
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  Put your hands on me, whatever the case may be.
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  You didn't have to do that. But now you're now you're
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  turning it on. You could have chosen to be good
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  to me this whole time. You knew what I wanted and
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  didn't want the whole time. And you chose to be abusive.
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  You chose to be manipulative. You chose to do this.
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  Now you turn it in. Now you turning it on, now you
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  want to show me that you love me.
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  Now you want to show me that you care about me.
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  Now you want to show me this. Now you want to show me that
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  it's crazy as hell. You have to even think about
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  this being a part of that, right?
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  So this is the stuff that you have to think about as you're
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  moving forward, as you're trying to heal, as you're trying to
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  grow. Because when you ask for space
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  or ask for a break, typically they're not going to try to give
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  that to you because they think that you going to do the same
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  thing that they did that they would do during a break.
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  Or when you, when they ask you for space, they're applying
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  their mindset to you and they're just like, oh hell no, you don't
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  need space. What we need, we don't need
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  space. What we need is to go to to
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  counseling. What we need is, is to have a
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  conversation. You don't need space.
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  You don't need this. You don't need that.
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  So they'll do that type of stuff in order to mess with you,
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  right? They'll get inside of your head,
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  they'll just beat, they'll belittle you.
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  They'll beat you down mentally, emotionally, physically, They'll
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  do this type of stuff, right? And they'll continue to mess
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  with you. This is what they do.
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  This is how they go about doing things.
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  They they'll hammer away at you because they feel entitled to do
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  it. You know, they don't want to
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  give you space. They really, really don't.
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  But I'll say this as well because you know, not every
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  single narcissist is the same. Sometimes when you ask for space
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  and what you want to be by yourself, you we need some time
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  to think about what you want to go, what you want to do next in
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  a relationship. Sometimes what they'll do is
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  they'll give you that space and they'll go out and try to fill
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  that space with somebody else. They'll use this as an excuse to
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  go out there and lie and cheat or not.
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  I didn't necessarily lie, but they go out here to find
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  somebody else. They'll use your request for
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  space as a reason to go out her and be bad as a reason to go out
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  her and start a new relationship or try to find feel that space
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  with somebody else to reach out to their exes to add, start
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  adding people on Facebook and Instagram to hop on a dating
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  app. Hey, you asked for a space.
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  I'm I'm mostly just sit around and wait on you.
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  So sometimes they'll use this space as a reason to go out here
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  and start doing things like that.
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  So this is something you have to consider as well because they
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  can get out, they can get deep. I'm just telling you, it can get
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  very deep dealing with this, this type of person.
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  It really can. This type of person is out here
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  for themselves. They're trying to serve
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  themselves. So you ask for space.
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  Not sometimes. They're not going to chase you.
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  Sometimes they'll take that space, but oh hell yeah.
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  OK, I'm tender here I come. I'm pretty much single again.
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  They'll call their friends, you know, they're enabling friends
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  or the friends that that the friends that they enable their
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  flying monkeys, they'll call their exes, they'll do.
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  They'll start living life like like you don't exist anymore and
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  that could affect you as well. So prepare for that.
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  You know, not every narcissist and is going to chase after you
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  do when you ask for space, when you try to take a break, right?
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  They're not going to do that. And again, it doesn't mean that
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  you're not worth anything. So many people get into hey is
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  like, well, Lee, some I'm not worth anything to them.
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  Who said that? Who said it?
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  Stop giving them the ability to to, to determine your worth or
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  your value. They don't.
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  They're not qualified to do that, to stop doing that.
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  Stop giving them that ability. Stop giving them that power.
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  They are not qualified to determine what you are worth.
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  They're not qualified appraisers.
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  They didn't go to appraisal school or take an appraisal
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  class on appraisals to do anything like that.
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  Y'all, they didn't do it right. They didn't they, they're not
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  qualified to appraise you or to, to determine your value or your
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  worth. If you ask for space and they go
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  out here and try to fill that space with someone else, leave
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  them alone. Leave them alone.
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  Don't let them pressure you into trying to get back with them.
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  And I'll say this as well right here, y'all, because this is
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  true too. Don't Sometimes they treat you
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  badly. So you, so you will break up
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  with them. So you will try to take a break.
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  So you will ask for space. The reverse discard does happen.
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  So if you ask for space or you break up with them or you take a
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  break or whatever and they're immediately with somebody else,
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  that person was over there already around.
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  They set it up to be this way and don't go back trying to
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  fight for them. Y'all, don't, do not do that.
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  Don't be the side chick or the side do to a person that was
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  cheating on you. Don't be the side chick to your
• 14:00
  husband or to your wife. You know what I'm saying?
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  Nobody, the side person, the affair partner to your
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  ex-husband or ex-wife or somebody, somebody that you're
• 14:07
  separated with. Don't do that to yourself.
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  Y'all. We got to your pride and dignity
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  have to come back. Pride and dignity have to make a
• 14:14
  comeback in 2025, right? Seriously.
• 14:16
  I know y'all been rocking me from the beginning.
• 14:18
  Y'all see like we, the channel then grew, I've grown, you know,
• 14:22
  I've changed my perspective on a lot of different things.
• 14:24
  I talk differently as well, right, but that's the goal.
• 14:27
  You're supposed to as you get older, as you change, as you
• 14:29
  grow, you're supposed to, you know, this, this type of stuff
• 14:31
  is supposed to happen. Yeah, my goals are still the
• 14:34
  same. I still want to help as many
• 14:35
  people as possible, but I don't want to reach.
• 14:36
  I want to reach people to the on the other spectrum as well.
• 14:39
  Anyways, y'all thank y'all for rocking with me.
• 14:41
  Thank y'all for ride with me again.
• 14:42
  Check out the kids book. Remember, it's not your fault,
• 14:44
  Amazon. And I know y'all want me to back
• 14:46
  up so y'all can get a better look at the hoodie.
• 14:49
  This is what we're dealing with right here.
• 14:52
  This is the I love me, I love me the self love brand.
• 14:57
  Y'all can see how all around here it's that yo this is the
• 15:02
  this is actually I got right here, but these are coming soon
• 15:05
  y'all so stay tuned for that as well hit that subscribe button
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  if you haven't already and as always y'all this is out what's
• 15:11
  going on beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
• 15:13
  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
• 15:15
  You have no idea if you haven't already hit that subscribe
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  button you made it this far, you might as well subscribe.
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  It really does help the channel y'all helps me reach more people
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  as well. Also, I have coaching my courses
• 15:27
  and my support group available at www.mentalhillness.net.
• 15:31
  Thank you so much make sure you stick around watch another video
• 15:34
  or two. I appreciate it.
• 15:35
  I'm out.