Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / Instilling Self-Esteem and Confidence Through Mindful Parenting

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Instilling Self-Esteem and Confidence Through Mindful Parenting · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way, whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: I want to say thank you for taking some time out of your day to hop on here and listen and listen in.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And today we're going to be diving into a topic that has come up multiple times, and it's about building confidence in our kids.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: So here's the thing: I think a lot of us think that we build confidence in our kids or we build their self-esteem.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: And the truth is, and this may kind of sting a little bit, but we don't actually give them self-esteem.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: And we don't actually give them confidence.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: What we can do is create the right environment for their confidence and for their self-esteem, but it's less about shaping it for them and creating and cultivating not just the environment, but their own mental attitudes towards things in order to build their confidence and to build their self-esteem.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: So in today's episode, I want to just explore a couple of different things.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: I want to talk about why we can't give confidence or give self-esteem to our children.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then I want to talk about what mindful parenting really is and how that can create the space for your children's confidence to grow.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, you know, maybe just allow us to talk about what are some actionable items that you can start putting into place to take steps towards this.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: So let's dive in.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: Let's start with why can't we give our kids confidence?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: So we've talked about this in different contexts before, but confidence and self-esteem and self-acceptance are an inside job.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: They grow when our kids face challenges or they navigate failures and they are able to discover their own innate abilities.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: So as much as we love to, we can't transfer confidence to them through praise or through pep talks.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: As a matter of fact, we, if we overpraise or we swoop in, you know, we call it snowplow parenting when we swoop in and try to make sure that there are not going to be any challenges or we try to rescue them.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: It actually has the opposite effect because it can send the message that we, as their parents, don't believe that they can handle something on their own.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not what we want.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: And self-esteem works the same way.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, kids build self-esteem when they learn to trust themselves.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: When they experience something and they can say, I did this, they are able to build their ability to believe that they have, they have the uh context in order to work through through um challenges.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: So, what can mindful parenting or conscious parenting do?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, mindful parenting means being fully present with your child.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: It means paying attention to their needs, their emotions, but it's also being aware of your own thoughts and your own feelings and triggers.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it's about creating space where they can feel seen, heard, valued, validated, but then also you're not projecting your own fears and expectations onto them.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about how this would work out.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say your child is nervous for trying out for a sports team, and your first instinct might be to tell them, like, you'll be amazing, don't worry about it.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: But really, it's about checking in with yourself.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: What's going on for you?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Are you feeling anxious because you're worried they might fail?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Are you remembering your own experience potentially of trying out for a team and maybe not making it?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: So if you pause and you pay attention to notice what's going on for you, you can allow your own projections, your own fears, your own thoughts and emotions about it drive the conversation.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And instead of rushing in to fix their feelings as though they need to be fixed, it's about acknowledging them and saying, I hear that you're feeling nervous and that anything new can feel scary.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: What's the thing that you might be most worried about?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Or what is the part that scares you the most?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're holding space for their feelings, you're showing them that it's okay to feel uncertain and you're making that normal.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're giving them the capacity to start working through those feelings.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: And you're you're giving them space to know that it's okay to have certain feelings and to trust themselves to work through it.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: The truth is, parenting from a mindful place really does start with you.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: If you're projecting your own insecurities or your own unresolved fears, it's going to be much harder to create the space for your child's confidence and self-esteem to flourish.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: So, three steps that you can start that you can start using for yourself is number one, reflect on your own triggers.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Ask yourself, what's coming up for me right now?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Am I worried about my child's success or failure because there might be a reflection on me and my ability to parent?
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Awareness is the first step to breaking any cycle.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then the second thing that you can do is model self-confidence yourself.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Kids learn from what we do and what we say and how we behave.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so when you're trying new things, handling mistakes with grace and speaking kindly to yourself with self-compassion in front of them so they can witness that, they're more likely to emulate that behavior.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: And then resist the urge to overcontrol.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Your kids do need to take ownership of their challenges.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so it might mean stepping back when they're doing a project that might fall apart and letting them decide to handle, you know, fixing it and working through it and trusting them to navigate the moments.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean we're hands-off completely and we don't, we just let them be completely on their own.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're not trying to isolate them or abandon them, but it's important to be there with them and allow them to take the action first.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: So to wrap up, when you want to give yourself your kids confidence, it's to remember that you can't give it to them, but you can help to create the conditions for them to grow.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: And mindful parenting starts with you being present for yourself.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: So then you can show up present with your children and to pay attention to what is coming up for you.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: What are your triggers?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: What are the things that you might be afraid of that you might be projecting onto your kids and modeling self-confidence and trusting your own self and employing self-compassion.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, parenting isn't out perfection, it's about showing up with intention, creating a safe space, emotionally safe space, physically safe, but also emotionally safe, and allow them to explore who they are.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because being that steady presence is how they're going to build that self-confidence, self-esteem, and ultimately self-acceptance.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: If you'd like help with this or want to talk through this or any other parenting things, please feel free to book a time to speak with me anytime at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomy.com.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Username It's Authentic Me.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.