Latest / Grounded Growth / Letting Go of Our Children and Trusting God With Them
Transcript
- Stephanie Petry: Hi, welcome to. Nicole Ghirardi: Hi, welcome to Grounded Growth Podcast. I'm Nicole Girardi. And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Stephanie Petry: ⁓ And I'm Stephanie Petry. We believe that grounded growth comes from being intentional about compassionate connections that are beautifully balanced while flourishing in faithfulness. Each week we will share real conversations, encouragement, and simple systems to help build a life that feels steady, aligned, and grounded. So sit back, maybe grab a coffee, and join us where clarity meets calm and growth feels intentional. Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button. Nicole Ghirardi: Before we dive in, if you want to make sure you never miss a conversation, hit that subscribe or follow button Stephanie Petry: right now on whatever app you're listening on. Nicole Ghirardi: right now on whatever app you're listening on. Hi, welcome back. My name is Stephanie Petrie. I'm Nicole Gerardi. And today we are going to be continuing our motherhood rooted in grace series on letting go and trusting God with our kids. So our children are gifts entrusted to us, not people that we ultimately are responsible to control. So God chose us to be our children's parents and he equips us for the calling that he has given us. and we don't have to measure up to be someone else's, you know, parent or just because God has intentionally placed our children in our care. Don't like that saying. I'm just gonna say that he equips us for what he calls us to. Trusting God with our children requires us to examine what we believe is best and what that actually means. so if if our definition is rooted in God's word. or is it rooted in culture? So you also have to watch out for comparison, parenting out of fear, your personal preference and opinions, and what we want our children to accomplish. So making sure that it aligns through the a scripture lens is is what we're aiming for. we need to examine not only our parenting decisions, But also our motivations and our grip on those decisions. So why have we chosen this and how tightly are we holding it? having a strong white is important. And Christian families again need to make those choices without judging others for how they are choosing to parent their children. or even, you know, like it's not our job to try and convert other people to our ways. Our ways is not always the best for everyone. grace-based parenting gives children room to be different, vulnerable and candid and even imperfect at times. So we can pursue holiness without demanding that our children fit our preferences or become people that we imagine them to be. God is working even when we cannot see it. So our job is to be faithful. we can faithfully teach and discipline. Encourage, pray, and model repentance, and ultimately point our children toward Christ while recognizing that ultimately God is the one who changes hearts. And I think that is where we have to start by asking a really important question. What does it actually mean to trust God with our children? Because trusting God doesn't mean we stop caring, we stop parenting. Or stop making wise decisions. It means we recognize the difference between faithful stewardship and ultimate control. So, what does it mean to actually trust God with our children? I think trusting God with our children begins with remembering whose they are. they are God's before they are ours. And we have been given the incredible responsibility and privilege of raising our children, but we are not their savior. and we are not sovereign over their lives either. God chose us to be our children's parents. And that gives me a reassurance of knowing, like, I was chosen to be Travis's mom. that means that we don't have to become some imaginary version of a perfect mom either. just to get that right mom for our children. God equips us for what he calls us to. It's one of the things that I have to remind myself time and time again. and trusting God means that we can be faithful without demanding a particular outcome either. so God is working even when we can't see it. And again, our job is to s to remain faithful. that's where I think that grace-based parenting book by Tim Kimmel is so beautiful because it describes grace as receiving something we don't deserve but desperately need. our children need to experience that kind of grace from us as their parents. Not because we overlook sin or remove consequences, but because we want our homes to reflect the heart of God who has shown us grace. and so our children need to see that our confidence ultimately rests in Jesus Christ, not in our ability to orchestrate their future. and we can give them guidance, we can give them wisdom and boundaries, we can even teach through discipline, encouragement, and opportunities to grow. But we cannot manufacture the faith or guarantee their future. So letting go isn't stepping away from our responsibility. It's actually releasing the responsibility that was never ours to carry to begin with. And that sounds beautiful, but hard. It becomes much harder when we start wondering, but what if I make the wrong decision? Or what if someone else is doing it differently than I am? because sometimes our desire to control our children is connected to something deeper. the belief that there is one perfect way to parent them. Thank goodness there's not. No. Right. And I think that's why letting go is so hard because we love our kids with an intensity that makes us want to protect them from everything. And control feels like the way to do that, but it's not. Deep down, a lot of us believe it. All depends on us. It we just stay vigilant enough and plan enough and we worry enough, we can keep them safe. the world is genuinely feels dangerous, and the news and our own imaginations can run through every worst case scenario before we even hit breakfast time. And that control mask masquerades a lot as love. gripping tighter feels responsible. good mothering, and when really it is a fear dressed up as dil diligence. so much of our anxiety is just spending today fearing tomorrow, trying to manage things that were never actually in our hands. So letting go can also feel like giving up and like we are just being passive or careless when trusting God is actually the most. Active, faith-filled thing that we can do. And if I'm honest, my mind can spend out, spin out over my kids faster than almost anything else. Running the what-ifs until I have parented a crisis that hasn't even happened yet and most likely won't happen. I want to control the outcomes. Who doesn't want to control the outcomes? And who their friends are, how they feel, and whether they get hurt. And it's humbling to admit. How little of that I actually hold. I think of Abraham asked to lay his son on the altar and trust God with the one thing he loved the most. I feel that tension every time I have to release my kids into something I cannot control myself. And the hard truth is that they were really never mine to control in the first place. They are gods on loan to me and letting go is just returning what was always meant to be true. And when letting go feels so hard, our instinct is almost always to grab control even tighter. So what does it look like when we try to control instead? So sometimes control doesn't look like obvious fear. Sometimes it looks like being absolutely convinced that our way is the best way. and so as Christians, we're called to ask what we believe is best, air quotes, and then hold that belief up against the word of God. but we also need to examine why we've made a particular decision and how tightly we're holding it. whether we're beginning to judge other people for making different choices. I have a really great example of this with a friend who was choosing to homeschool her kids. And she knows that I send Travis to a to a public school and that I'm a public school teacher. And she was talking to me in a way that kind of felt defensive, and like she was trying to prove a point. And and I was trying not to be offended, and so I just I just encouraged her of. Finding her why of why she's choosing to homeschool her kids, why is that the best decision for her? Not for what everyone else is lacking, but why is she wanting this to be the action step for their family? because I think if you are able to make a decision as a family and you are able to align that with God's word that's gonna be much stronger than I'm gonna homeschool out of fear So there are certain things, but there's a lot of gray area of how to live a Christian life. And that's where we get the freedom to choose how we're going to make decisions. so we can ask ourselves some honest questions. Do I really believe this aligns with how God is leading our family? Or am I responding to pressure from other people? Am I pursuing something because it's faithful or because I have made it an idol? Our children are made in his image and their personalities, their strengths and interests and quirks aren't necessarily problems to fix. part of grace is giving our children freedom to be different from us. so Tim Campbell talks about giving children freedom to be different, vulnerable, candid, and to make mistakes. That doesn't mean that anything goes. We still evaluate choices against Scripture, but we don't confuse our personal preferences with God's commands. So we can ask: is this actually a biblical issue? Is there a principle from Scripture that applies, or is this simply something I would prefer? And sometimes it allows you to let some things go or make you realize where you're trying to hold the reins too much. When it is a matter of wisdom rather than a clear biblical command, we can hold those conclusions with humility. So that has challenged me personally. I have to remember that my child doesn't need to become a miniature version of me, even though he is very much the same personality. My responsibility is to help my child become the person that God is shaping him to be. and that means sometimes I have to let go of my picture of what I thought something should look like and trust that God's purposes are bigger than my preferences. Well said, friend. So for me, trying to control looks like worry that really never switches off. or that low hum of the what ifs that I was talking about earlier running in the background of every day. And it looks like the hovering. stepping in to fix and smooth and prevent and instead of letting my kids struggle and grow. That is just so hard to watch them do that. and it also looks like my anxiety leaking out onto them. So they start carrying a fear that was mine, not theirs. it also looks like trying to manage every detail of their lives. So that means their friendships, their feelings, their choices, as if the outcome is mine to guarantee for them. it also looks like praying about something, then immediately picking it right back up. And taking that back the very thing I just handed to God. so what studies me is remembering that God loves my kids even more than I do. And He is with them in every place I cannot be. My control was never what was going to keep them safe, anyways. So thankfully we are not left white knuckling our kids on our own. Jesus shows us what it looks like to trust the Father even within the things we love the most. So what does Jesus show us about this in scripture? So in Hebrews 12, 11, it says, For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. I love this verse for parenting in particular, because it gives us a picture of training rather than immediate results. training is something that is repeated again and again in order to build strength and to build endurance too. You don't train someone once and expect them to be finished. you train them over time. And this is that picture of grace once again, because sometimes our children feel like they fail and we're able to tell them how, you know, living a Christian life is. It's like being trained. and so parenting can feel frustrating because we often want to see that fruit right now. and we discipline, we teach, we correct, we encourage and repeat ourselves. And then sometimes our children make the same mistake tomorrow, or let's be honest, within a couple hours. So but Hebrews reminds us that there is a process. the fruit comes later. and so I just think that changes the way that we understand our role. our job isn't to manufacture immediate righteousness in our children. Holy cow. But like how honest is that? That that's really what we're wanting. our job is to faithfully train them, knowing that God is working through the process. And so there are also just circumstances where God is training us in holiness right where we are. Sometimes in the very circumstances that we are praying for Him to take away. And this could be within the parenting and disciplining our kids. And so our children can expose our impatience, our desire for control, our fears, our pride, and even our need for approval. That doesn't mean that God made us parents so that we could become frustrated. it means that he can use parenting as one of the places where he sanctifies us as well. and one of my favorite stories is Travis telling me, Mom, I've never been a kid before. And me saying, Babe, I've never been a mom before. So when I'm frustrated that my child isn't learning something as quickly as I think he should, I can remember that God is not only working in my child, He's also working in me. Jesus shows us that obedience isn't about controlling the outcome, it's about faithfully trusting the Father with what he has entrusted to us. So we can discipline without condemnation. We can establish consequences without withdrawing love. And we can call our children toward holiness while remembering that grace is what gives us the freedom to keep coming back and growing. I like that. So ultimately our hope is not that we're not parenting through performance. Our hope is in Christ. And so He is the one who saves, transforms, and sustains us. We can faithfully plant and water, but God is the one who gives the growth. So if our children are being trained over time, and if God is working in ways we cannot always see, then what does faithful parenting actually look like in everyday moments? First pray it, then release it. the first move in letting go is handing your kids to God in prayer on purpose and out loud. when the worry comes back and it will, hand it over again instead of continuing to carry it. Some days that is a minute by minute surrender. Philippians 4 is tells us to bring our anxieties to God with thanksgiving. And his peace guards our hearts even before anything changes. So for me, that looks like praying over my kids by name in the morning. And then when the worry creeps back up, literally saying, God, they are yours, not mine to carry. next is to name the fear and answer it with truth. anxiety grows in the vague, so name the specific fear out loud and bring it into the light. Then answer it with what is actually true about God. That He is good. He is in control and He loves your children more than you do. worry is often just living tomorrow's fear today. and God has already promised to be there when tomorrow comes. So for me, that looks like stopping the what if spirals by asking, is this happening right now, or am I borrowing tomorrow's trouble? And then handing the future back to God. next one is let them struggle a little. This one's hard for me. Especially helicopter moms. I feel like all in our seasons, we've all been there. part of trusting God with them is letting them face age appropriate hard things instead of request rescuing them every time. struggle is often where God grows their character and their own faith, and hovering can quietly rob them of that. So ask yourself whether you are protecting them or protecting your own comfort and give them room to grow. So that looks like biting your tongue and letting them try, fail, and figure it out, even when everything in you wants to jump in and fix it. another one is keep your own eyes on God, not the what-ifs. So you cannot pour a piece into your kids that you are not receiving yourself. So tend your own trust in God first. fill your mind with his promises more than the news and the worst case scenarios because whatever you feed continues to grow. Your calm, trusting present preaches to your kids louder than any lecture about not worrying. So that looks like starting my day in the word before I started on my phone. So the truth gets to my heart before fear does. So good. And so we're just kind of closing it up here with how is it that we just let them go? Whatever the takeaways. so if there's nothing else today, I say take this. Letting go is not giving up. I know a lot of us feel that way. it is handing your kids to God who loves them more than you do. you were never actually holding them together by your worry. God has been the one holding them all along. And so pick one fear you have been gripping to this week and release it to God on purpose. And then do it again tomorrow. when it creeps back up. And remember, think back to Abraham, who laid the son he loved the most in God's hands and trusted him with what he could not control and how God provided every step of the way. Open hands are not empty hands, they are trusting ones. peace does not come from finally controlling everything. It comes from trusting the one who already does. So on the days the worry is loud, do not grip tighter. Open your hands, give your kids back to God, and let his peace guard the heart. You were never meant to carry all of this in. And I want to leave us with that reminder that letting go doesn't mean caring less either. It means that you are trusting more, as you as you said, with the open hands. I loved that. we care deeply about our children's choices and friendships, their faith and character. And even their future without believing that every outcome depends on us. So we can give our children something incredibly valuable when we create an environment where they have freedom to be different, freedom to be vulnerable, freedom to be candid, and a freedom to make mistakes. So that doesn't mean we eliminate the boundaries or consequences. grace doesn't lower the standard of holiness. Grace gives us the security to pursue holiness without fear that failure will cost us love. So our children need to know that they can tell us the truth. They need to know that they can struggle without being ashamed. And they need to experience forgiveness when they genuinely repent. and they need to see us respond rather than to react. So sometimes their struggle isn't actually about us. the story of the prodigal son reminds us that there can come a point where a person's choices are between them and God. So we don't give up on our children, but we also don't assume that every choice they make is a reflection of our parenting either. So we can continue to love and pray and guide and discipline and remain available while trusting God with the parts that we cannot control. So keep processing. Keep praying, keep asking questions, keep bringing your parenting decisions back to scripture. Talk with your spouse and trusted Christian friends. Ask not only is this the right decision, but why am I making this decision? What am I afraid of? What am I hoping to control? Am I holding this with open hands? because sometimes the thing God is asking us to release isn't actually our child. It's our picture of who we thought our child needed to become. So God chose you to be your children's mom. And He knows their strengths, their weaknesses, their personalities, their struggles, and their future better than you ever could. So God is working even when you can't see it. And our job is to remain faithful. We don't have to know how every chapter ends. We can trust that God who wrote the story. And when we don't know what to do next, we can come back to the simplest question. What does faithfulness look like right now, today? So next time we're going to talk about one of the greatest ways that we can let go and trust God with our children through prayer. what does it look like to pray for our children, not just when we're worried about them, but as a regular part of entrusting their lives, their hearts, and their faith and future to God. So we'll talk about praying for our children next time on Grounded Growth. Bye. Bye, friends. Thank you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, Stephanie Petry: Thank you for joining us for another episode of Grounded Growth. We hope today brought you clarity, encouragement, and a gentle reminder that you're not walking this journey alone. If this episode spoke to you, we'd love for you to share it, subscribe, and leave a review. We'll see you next week. Until then, stay grounded and keep growing. Nicole Ghirardi: stay grounded and keep growing.