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EP370: Dr. Cheryl Fraser - Buddha's Bedroom · Respark Your Life

• 0:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So when I say kill the soulmate and savior relationship,
• 0:03
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: we need to realize there is
• 0:05
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: something of a subconscious template that is playing out.
• 0:08
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: The true source of happiness has
• 0:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: to be in our own mind.
• 0:15
  Raymond Aaron: Hello,
• 0:16
  Raymond Aaron: this is Raymond Aaron,
• 0:17
  Raymond Aaron: New York Times top 10 bestselling author,
• 0:20
  Raymond Aaron: bringing you Respark Your Life podcast,
• 0:22
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• 0:26
  Raymond Aaron: live life on your own terms.
• 0:28
  Raymond Aaron: Every single Thursday,
• 0:30
  Raymond Aaron: I bring you a multi-millionaire,
• 0:33
  Raymond Aaron: world-famous celebrity to teach you about the most fascinating ways in order to live a far better
• 0:41
  Raymond Aaron: life.
• 0:41
  Raymond Aaron: Every single Thursday,
• 0:43
  Raymond Aaron: you just need to subscribe by hitting the subscribe button.
• 0:47
  Raymond Aaron: I'll see you every Thursday to re-spark your life.
• 0:54
  Raymond Aaron: Yes,
• 0:55
  Raymond Aaron: this is Raymond Aaron again,
• 0:58
  Raymond Aaron: again,
• 0:58
  Raymond Aaron: for gosh sakes.
• 0:59
  Raymond Aaron: Every single time you hear my podcast episode,
• 1:03
  Raymond Aaron: it's always me as the interviewer.
• 1:06
  Raymond Aaron: But there's always a different guest.
• 1:08
  Raymond Aaron: And I have with me Cheryl Fraser,
• 1:11
  Raymond Aaron: who is an amazing lady.
• 1:13
  Raymond Aaron: And her book is called Buddha's Bedroom.
• 1:17
  Raymond Aaron: And that's,
• 1:18
  Raymond Aaron: of course, the title of this episode,
• 1:19
  Raymond Aaron: too.
• 1:20
  Raymond Aaron: And there's one thing she does that is like super insane crazy.
• 1:26
  Raymond Aaron: Every time I give a workshop,
• 1:27
  Raymond Aaron: I talk like for eight hours a day,
• 1:30
  Raymond Aaron: for five days,
• 1:31
  Raymond Aaron: eight hours a day for three days.
• 1:33
  Raymond Aaron: She gives a four month workshop in total silence.
• 1:41
  Raymond Aaron: It's like,
• 1:42
  Raymond Aaron: sign up for my workshop.
• 1:44
  Raymond Aaron: It's four months long.
• 1:45
  Raymond Aaron: I won't teach you anything.
• 1:46
  Raymond Aaron: In fact, nobody can say anything.
• 1:48
  Raymond Aaron: I can't even believe it.
• 1:50
  Raymond Aaron: And so this episode is going to be about the amazing life of Cheryl Fraser and what she has to offer you in relationship.
• 1:59
  Raymond Aaron: Either you're in relationship and it's not as good as you want,
• 2:02
  Raymond Aaron: or you're not in relationship and she can prepare you for one.
• 2:07
  Raymond Aaron: So tell me,
• 2:08
  Raymond Aaron: you're like the couples thing in the universe.
• 2:12
  Raymond Aaron: But what I want, I always like to go back to the childhood.
• 2:16
  Raymond Aaron: Is there something that happened in your childhood that set you up for this?
• 2:20
  Raymond Aaron: Oh, absolutely.
• 2:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Oh, my gosh.
• 2:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Absolutely.
• 2:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It was Sean Cassidy.
• 2:24
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Sean Cassidy,
• 2:25
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: TV's sexiest hardy boy and da-do-ron-ron pop singer.
• 2:29
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I was so desperately in love with him that I would break out in hives when the television show came on,
• 2:34
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: according to my father.
• 2:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And I had a belief,
• 2:36
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Raymond,
• 2:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and,
• 2:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: you know, let's have some compassion for 10-year-old Cheryl,
• 2:42
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: or maybe I was 13,
• 2:43
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: that Sean would come to my little tiny town on Vancouver Island
• 2:47
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and sweep me off my feet and take me to Beverly Hills
• 2:49
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: where I would live happily ever after.
• 2:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Spoiler alert, it didn't happen.
• 2:56
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That was my first shattering heartbreak,
• 2:58
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and it got me thinking about what is this love thing?
• 3:01
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: What is our innate longing to have this mythical soulmate?
• 3:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I like to say kill the soulmate and save your relationship
• 3:09
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: because the soulmate is...
• 3:11
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Kill the soulmate.
• 3:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I know it's a bit dramatic.
• 3:13
  Raymond Aaron: And save the relationship.
• 3:15
  Raymond Aaron: It's the exact opposite.
• 3:17
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I know,
• 3:17
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: but hey, my dear friend,
• 3:20
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: who I respect so deeply.
• 3:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I'm here to learn.
• 3:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Are we on marriage number one, two, three now?
• 3:24
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Three.
• 3:25
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So,
• 3:26
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I mean.
• 3:26
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That's just the official marriage.
• 3:28
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: The official marriage.
• 3:29
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And same.
• 3:29
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I've had one official divorce and several beautiful,
• 3:32
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: longer term,
• 3:33
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: committed monogamous relationships.
• 3:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Right.
• 3:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: If the soulmate myth was true,
• 3:38
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the way we felt about some of those previous partners would have hypothetically lasted or lasted strongly enough, we would have chosen to work through the inevitable difficulties.
• 3:47
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So when I say a bit of shock value,
• 3:49
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: kill the soulmate and savior relationship,
• 3:51
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: we need to realize there is something of a subconscious template that is playing out with this.
• 3:57
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Now, to the Buddhist side,
• 3:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: it's called Buddha's Bedroom for a reason.
• 4:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That's not just a quippy title.
• 4:01
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I'm a very serious practitioner of Buddhism, hence the four months in the woods by myself,
• 4:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: meditating and not speaking,
• 4:08
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: zero contact with the outside world.
• 4:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But I'm also a love and sex expert.
• 4:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: How the heck do you bring those together?
• 4:14
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Well,
• 4:15
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the idea,
• 4:16
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and this is, I draw it from the Buddha, but many secular and other wisdom traditions teach something in a similar way, which is that the true source of happiness has to be in our own mind.
• 4:27
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So when something happens,
• 4:29
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: a crisis, a disaster,
• 4:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: someone we love is killed in a car accident,
• 4:33
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: or when something small happened on the way here,
• 4:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I'm joining you here in a beautiful place.
• 4:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: We've
• 4:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: been at an amazing conference together,
• 4:38
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: learning and growing together.
• 4:40
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: My first flight was delayed
• 4:41
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and I was about 18 hours late getting here.
• 4:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Now I could be miserable about that. Yeah.
• 4:47
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Yeah.
• 4:47
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Or I
• 4:48
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: could choose to say that happened.
• 4:50
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I can't change it.
• 4:52
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Am I going to be miserable for 18 hours or I'm
• 4:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: going to be content for 18 hours so there's the idea of happiness is in our own mind and let me
• 5:01
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: take this to the relationship realm now i'm lucky people can't actually throw tomatoes at me based
• 5:07
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: on what i'm about to say keep your rotten fruit and vegetables to yourself but the key to having
• 5:13
  Raymond Aaron: a happy relationship doesn't depend on your partner no no no hold on okay no i've got a
• 5:24
  Raymond Aaron: over i've got a quote from my dear dear friend dr john gray ah yes yes i asked him a question
• 5:32
  Raymond Aaron: i said i know i'm supposed to like be evolved but sometimes when my wife comes in and i haven't seen
• 5:40
  Raymond Aaron: her for a whole day i brighten up i'm so happy yeah i look at her and say how did you get so
• 5:47
  Raymond Aaron: beautiful in one day like i can't believe how pretty she is or conversely she can say one thing
• 5:53
  Raymond Aaron: and I'll be so mad at her.
• 5:56
  Raymond Aaron: That's okay.
• 5:56
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: The first part,
• 5:57
  Raymond Aaron: I haven't even told you the quote yet.
• 5:59
  Raymond Aaron: I'm going to tell you a quote
• 6:00
  Raymond Aaron: from Dr. John Gray
• 6:01
  Raymond Aaron: and then I want you to respond to it.
• 6:04
  Raymond Aaron: So I said,
• 6:04
  Raymond Aaron: so I don't get it.
• 6:05
  Raymond Aaron: I'm supposed to be evolved,
• 6:06
  Raymond Aaron: but you know,
• 6:07
  Raymond Aaron: my wife,
• 6:08
  Raymond Aaron: it looks like she does things to me
• 6:10
  Raymond Aaron: that affect how I feel.
• 6:13
  Raymond Aaron: And he said,
• 6:14
  Raymond Aaron: it's her job
• 6:16
  Raymond Aaron: to make herself happy.
• 6:19
  Raymond Aaron: It's your job
• 6:21
  Raymond Aaron: to make her happier.
• 6:24
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: this is beautiful on what we'd call the relative level it's wonderful fantastic advice okay
• 6:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: ultimately though if you come in and your wife smells delicious and she's delighted to see you
• 6:38
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: you're lit up if you come in and she's had a bad day perhaps independent from you
• 6:42
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and she's drawn in and she's a bit crabby and she's a bit negative if that affects you negatively
• 6:48
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: you're in a cycle of wanting you to make me happy and I'm not happy when you're not. Now at a
• 6:53
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: relative level it's very important we all work to be our best partner,
• 6:57
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: to bring our best self, to do
• 6:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: what we can to light our partner up,
• 7:01
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: to be kind and gentle and listen well when they're down.
• 7:04
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But at the ultimate or the absolute level I am happy or not happy in my own mind. I go into this
• 7:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: in a lot more depth in the book and for today probably we'll leave that part as it is for now
• 7:16
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But I relate it to why you need to kill the soulmate,
• 7:19
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the underlying slightly subconscious template that if I'm unhappy in this romantic relationship,
• 7:25
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: it's your fault because you're the wrong person.
• 7:28
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That's really what I'm pointing to.
• 7:30
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Versus I'm unhappy or maybe we,
• 7:33
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: gosh, because there's another person,
• 7:34
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: are unhappy within this relationship.
• 7:36
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And that is now a call to action,
• 7:38
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: a call to greatness,
• 7:39
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: a call to say,
• 7:40
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: let's take a look at where we're strong and where we're weak.
• 7:43
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And a model I teach,
• 7:45
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I call it the three keys to passion or the three keys to great relationship.
• 7:49
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And this is based on great couples research and communication research,
• 7:52
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: sexuality research.
• 7:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Someone said recently,
• 7:55
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: all models are flawed, but some of them are useful.
• 7:58
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So the way I like to teach couples is it's a passion triangle.
• 8:01
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And there are three sides we can then quickly rate ourself on.
• 8:04
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Everybody listening, you can rate yourself in your head as you hear Raymond and I share today.
• 8:09
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So the first side I call intimacy.
• 8:11
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Caveat, I'm not using intimacy in the way sometimes people do, which is a euphemism for sexuality.
• 8:18
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That's a great way to use the word.
• 8:20
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: We were intimate last night.
• 8:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: When I talk about intimacy with the couples in my program,
• 8:25
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: etc., I define it as sort of psychological,
• 8:28
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: relational,
• 8:29
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: communication intimacy.
• 8:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Everything from how well do you handle conflict?
• 8:33
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Do you have ugly fighting styles that lead to flooding and disconnect?
• 8:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: When or if you disconnect?
• 8:39
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Are you skillful at repairing and coming back together?
• 8:41
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: are you a do you as i like to say love do you apologize like a mofo like are you a tremendous
• 8:48
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: apologizer where you own the behavior you express your regret and you vow to do better and so much
• 8:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: more and it's also the lovely stuff okay so do i rate myself oh well you hear the rest of it in a
• 9:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: moment it's also the talking about your day talking about the minutiae it's always everybody go back
• 9:05
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and listen to a solo episode raymond did a while ago i'm sure they can tag it in the show notes
• 9:09
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: where you talked about how to cherish your wife.
• 9:11
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And you talked about some mornings you go get her favorite Starbucks
• 9:14
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and you make her her simple favorite meal and you bring in a tray.
• 9:18
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: All of these things are what I'm calling this intimate side.
• 9:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Communication,
• 9:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: connection,
• 9:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: edification.
• 9:23
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So rate yourself,
• 9:24
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: let's say from, you know, excellent to medium to okay to poor.
• 9:28
  Raymond Aaron: I'm a mathematician.
• 9:29
  Raymond Aaron: I need numbers.
• 9:30
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Oh, use numbers.
• 9:30
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Zero to ten.
• 9:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Ten being freaking amazing,
• 9:33
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: best husband ever.
• 9:33
  Raymond Aaron: I got it. I know what they mean.
• 9:36
  Raymond Aaron: Okay,
• 9:36
  Raymond Aaron: I'm going to say we're 10 almost all the time,
• 9:39
  Raymond Aaron: but then every so often she says something, it drives me nuts,
• 9:43
  Raymond Aaron: and so I dropped a 2.
• 9:45
  Raymond Aaron: But on the average,
• 9:46
  Raymond Aaron: it's at least 9.
• 9:48
  Raymond Aaron: Your mind drives yourself nuts.
• 9:49
  Raymond Aaron: She just says something, it's just data.
• 9:51
  Raymond Aaron: But anyway, we'll leave that for now.
• 9:52
  Raymond Aaron: By the way, what am I doing?
• 9:54
  Raymond Aaron: We're both in Hawaii,
• 9:55
  Raymond Aaron: that's why I'm wearing a name.
• 9:57
  Raymond Aaron: And we're both at a conference,
• 9:58
  Raymond Aaron: that's why I'm wearing a name tag.
• 10:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But I don't think I need the name tag anymore.
• 10:02
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Should we create a scandal and say we got laid together today?
• 10:05
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Uh-oh.
• 10:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Oh, boom.
• 10:07
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That was like a dad joke,
• 10:09
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: even though I'm not a dad.
• 10:16
  Raymond Aaron: Okay,
• 10:16
  Raymond Aaron: I've heard one side of the triangle.
• 10:18
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Yes,
• 10:18
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the second side I call thrill.
• 10:20
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And that is the easiest way to think about this, everybody,
• 10:23
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: is do you remember what it was like falling in love with your current partner?
• 10:27
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And everybody says yes.
• 10:29
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And I've asked this of tens of thousands of couples,
• 10:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and I say,
• 10:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: what do you miss about falling in love?
• 10:34
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: What do you miss about falling in love?
• 10:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Like, what are some of the really lovely things that came so easily that maybe you miss a little bit?
• 10:39
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: No, it's the other way around.
• 10:41
  Raymond Aaron: No.
• 10:41
  Raymond Aaron: No, I experience it all the time.
• 10:43
  Raymond Aaron: Like,
• 10:43
  Raymond Aaron: when we crawl into bed, we'll both reach to touch each other's feet.
• 10:48
  Raymond Aaron: Yes, I do that too.
• 10:49
  Raymond Aaron: As soon as we touch feet,
• 10:50
  Raymond Aaron: it's like I'm falling in love again.
• 10:53
  Raymond Aaron: There's not an explosion.
• 10:55
  Raymond Aaron: It's a gentleness.
• 10:56
  Raymond Aaron: But it's big, and I look forward to it.
• 10:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That's a delight.
• 11:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's funny.
• 11:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I'm a big foot toucher as well.
• 11:02
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So what most people who aren't as enlightened as our dear Raymond here say that they might miss are things like the anticipation of really wanting to see each other.
• 11:11
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: How much effort you made to plan dates or excitement and do special things for each other.
• 11:16
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: The sexual attraction,
• 11:18
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: particularly before you might have chosen to become sexually intimate together,
• 11:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: that waiting and that buildup.
• 11:23
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And people say over and over, I felt like I was the most important person in my partner's world.
• 11:28
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I suspect you still feel that way a fair bit,
• 11:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: but I would say you and Karen are unusual.
• 11:34
  Raymond Aaron: She admires me in the work that I do in the world.
• 11:37
  Raymond Aaron: Yes.
• 11:37
  Raymond Aaron: As if she's like my biggest fan.
• 11:40
  Raymond Aaron: And I think that she's so clever,
• 11:42
  Raymond Aaron: so wise,
• 11:44
  Raymond Aaron: and also so beautiful.
• 11:46
  Raymond Aaron: I can't believe how beautiful she is.
• 11:49
  Raymond Aaron: If I haven't seen her in even 10 minutes and she walks through the door and says,
• 11:52
  Raymond Aaron: Oh my gosh,
• 11:53
  Raymond Aaron: you got so pretty in 10 minutes.
• 11:55
  Raymond Aaron: What happened?
• 11:56
  Raymond Aaron: I mean it.
• 11:57
  Raymond Aaron: I'm not just faking it.
• 11:58
  Raymond Aaron: Right.
• 11:58
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: You're not just husband 101,
• 12:01
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: tell her she's pretty.
• 12:02
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Right.
• 12:03
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Yeah.
• 12:03
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So this is rare, and I'm delighted.
• 12:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Zero to ten,
• 12:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: how would you rate yourself on Thrill these days?
• 12:08
  Raymond Aaron: I got to give myself a ten.
• 12:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Okay.
• 12:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: This is so unusual.
• 12:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That's why he's the master he is.
• 12:14
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And I want everybody listening to aspire to be able to honestly say eight, nine,
• 12:19
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: or ten on these two areas.
• 12:20
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I'll tell you,
• 12:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: though,
• 12:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: what about 94% of the couples I interview through my master classes or my programs or teaching or beautiful things that I have the privilege to do say,
• 12:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: you know,
• 12:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: they might say we're pretty good in intimacy,
• 12:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: talking,
• 12:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: we're decent at communicating, we do struggle with ugly fighting and conflict,
• 12:39
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and thrill most longer term couples.
• 12:41
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And by that, I mean together more than about two or three years.
• 12:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I'm not talking decades.
• 12:46
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Many of us might be decades.
• 12:47
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That's long term these days.
• 12:48
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Well,
• 12:49
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: what I mean is it's about 18 months in,
• 12:52
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: according to research,
• 12:53
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: that a lot of the thrill starts to fade a little and it turns into what I call marriage or relationship incorporated.
• 12:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Where we're running our relationship,
• 13:01
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: not intentionally,
• 13:01
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: not by choice,
• 13:02
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: but something like a business.
• 13:04
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: We're getting things done.
• 13:05
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: The dog gets to the vet to get their toenails done.
• 13:07
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: The kids get to school on time.
• 13:08
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: The mortgage gets paid.
• 13:09
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: We call the plumber.
• 13:11
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And that's great.
• 13:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Those are very important,
• 13:13
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: you know,
• 13:13
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: logistic aspects of being in a relationship and building a life together.
• 13:17
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: but so many couples end up almost fully in marriage incorporated parallel and where's the us where's
• 13:24
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the thrill when's the last time you planned a fun maybe surprise date for your partner when's the
• 13:29
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: last time you took them their favorite starbucks and made breakfast and took it to them in bed
• 13:34
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: i bet everybody listening did that when they were dating when they were falling in love and a lot of
• 13:39
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: us do the terrible c word here which is we get complacent and we take for granted are we still
• 13:45
  Raymond Aaron: on the thrill side?
• 13:46
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Yeah.
• 13:46
  Raymond Aaron: I've already rated myself.
• 13:48
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Yeah, but they haven't, honey,
• 13:49
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and they're not as enlightened as you.
• 13:51
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I've got to help the people.
• 13:53
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Goodness.
• 13:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I want to know the last.
• 13:56
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Oh, the last one.
• 13:57
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Well, that's the S one.
• 13:58
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So we've got intimacy,
• 13:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: communication,
• 14:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: et cetera.
• 14:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: We've got thrill, edification.
• 14:02
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: That's everything from dates
• 14:03
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: to sharing appreciations,
• 14:04
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: gratitudes,
• 14:04
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: those little moments of kindness.
• 14:07
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And the third side
• 14:07
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I call sensuality.
• 14:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Sensuality.
• 14:10
  Raymond Aaron: You tricked me.
• 14:11
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Well, you thought
• 14:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: it was going to be sex,
• 14:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: right?
• 14:13
  Raymond Aaron: Well, what other S words are there?
• 14:15
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Well, I'm a wordsmith.
• 14:17
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I suspect you are too.
• 14:18
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And I chose the word sensuality very deliberately.
• 14:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It, of course,
• 14:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: incorporates the erotic, the sexual,
• 14:25
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: our sexual life.
• 14:26
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But now I have some news that's going to be very relieving to some of your audience and quite surprising to the rest.
• 14:32
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: 30 to 40 percent of couples in a longer term relationship are in a low sex or completely sexist relationship.
• 14:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I've heard that.
• 14:38
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's not talked about enough because it's such a private and often shameful.
• 14:43
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: it shouldn't be.
• 14:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And when I teach this,
• 14:45
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: anytime I teach, I always make sure to mention this,
• 14:48
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: because I can see the shoulders of 30 to 40% of the room drop, at least knowing that they're not
• 14:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: uniquely broken.
• 14:55
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And I say the three most important words I ever say to a couple,
• 14:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: especially in the
• 15:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: sensual realm is you are normal.
• 15:02
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: You are normal if you have little or no desire.
• 15:05
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: You're normal if
• 15:05
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: you do make love on occasion.
• 15:07
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And it's okay.
• 15:08
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's what I call nipple,
• 15:09
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: nipple, crotch, good night.
• 15:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Now, that's not a bad thing,
• 15:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: but it means we've got our routine and I touch you here and you touch me there.
• 15:15
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And it's nice. And ideally,
• 15:17
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: one or both people has an orgasm or neurotic fulfilling moment of some kind, whether orgasm is achieved or not.
• 15:23
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Our body's age and all the psychology and the relationship conflicts all come into play.
• 15:28
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But just because it is somewhat typical,
• 15:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: if it's 30 to 40 percent,
• 15:33
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: that's pretty typical,
• 15:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: doesn't mean we should make it OK.
• 15:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's also typical to eat in a way that gives us type 2 diabetes.
• 15:41
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's also typical to be in credit card debt.
• 15:43
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So just because something's reasonably common doesn't mean we should accept it as okay.
• 15:47
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And one of the dearest things I get to do with couples in the programs or when I teach or whatever
• 15:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: is to help them look at are they interested because they might not be.
• 15:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's a deep,
• 16:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: big bunch of stuff.
• 16:01
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But what would it look like for them to move from sensual to sexual?
• 16:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Now,
• 16:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I'll define sensual here,
• 16:08
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: which is having pleasure through any of your senses.
• 16:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So a little experiment,
• 16:11
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Raymond.
• 16:11
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I'd like you to put up your hand and close your eyes.
• 16:15
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And I'm going to just stroke your hand a little bit.
• 16:18
  Raymond Aaron: That feels good.
• 16:19
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It feels great.
• 16:20
  Raymond Aaron: But it's not sexual.
• 16:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: No.
• 16:21
  Raymond Aaron: I got it.
• 16:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Okay,
• 16:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I got it.
• 16:23
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So sensual pleasure.
• 16:24
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: When you listen to music that lights your heart up, when you smell baking cinnamon buns,
• 16:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: smell like your grandmother's when you were a child,
• 16:33
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: these are sensory pleasures.
• 16:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So what I do with couples who might not have seen each other in the nude for years, I worked with one couple in their 70s.
• 16:41
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: They had not seen each other naked in over 40 years.
• 16:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: They told me they changed in the walking closet separately from each other.
• 16:47
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: They'd not been sexual for over 40 years.
• 16:50
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: They say this on a video on my website.
• 16:53
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: They want to share it to help other couples.
• 16:55
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: They took my program and they moved from zero to being sensual to being sexual and scheduling a sensual or sexual encounter once every six days.
• 17:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Because I'm not necessarily going to guide a certain couple to maybe having full intercourse.
• 17:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Their bodies may not do that anymore.
• 17:15
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But how can we start with introducing some fully clothed sensual touch where you can maybe rub your partner's shoulders or put your foot on their foot before you fall asleep?
• 17:24
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: You can hug more.
• 17:26
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: You can snuggle on the couch while you watch a movie instead of being in two different Lazy Boys,
• 17:32
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: which when you think of it is not a great name for connecting with anybody.
• 17:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Go be a Lazy Boy and I'll be a Lazy Girl.
• 17:38
  Raymond Aaron: And then,
• 17:38
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: of course,
• 17:39
  Raymond Aaron: one of my dearest friends owns Lazy Boy Furniture.
• 17:41
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Great stuff.
• 17:42
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: We love it.
• 17:43
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Supporter of the podcast.
• 17:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I have one, too.
• 17:46
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But I have one that's a dual love seat with the two chairs together without anything in between.
• 17:52
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So you can still snuggle.
• 17:53
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Yeah.
• 17:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So of course, I also work.
• 17:56
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Let's talk briefly.
• 17:57
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: We've got limited time today.
• 17:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: What a joy to be
• 17:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: with you all and with Raymond here in this beautiful place is sexuality is a really beautiful,
• 18:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and I would say sacred part of a relationship.
• 18:08
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So whether you have a sexualized encounter once a
• 18:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: year,
• 18:13
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: once a month or once a day,
• 18:14
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: if we're not being that way with each other at all,
• 18:17
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and we're choosing and attempting to walk a path of monogamy,
• 18:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: it means that we might have a solo
• 18:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: sexual life, a masturbation life, and that can be beautiful.
• 18:25
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But we're missing out on a type of,
• 18:27
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I would argue,
• 18:28
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: potentially spiritual,
• 18:30
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: emotional connection with our partner that we neglect
• 18:34
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: in a way that we lose something very precious.
• 18:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's not a huge percentage of the hours of our
• 18:39
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: relationship,
• 18:41
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: but it is the special sauce. It can be this special connection that feels very different.
• 18:45
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So I like to encourage people to consider with lots of trepidation,
• 18:49
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: there's usually lots of
• 18:50
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: baggage and issues we need to work through a lot of hurt and disappointment but around being naked
• 18:56
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: together literally and figuratively right nakedly vulnerable nakedly open and then there's another
• 19:02
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: aspect i'll briefly mention so it doesn't get ignored sex can also be riotous fun hot spicy
• 19:08
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: crazy on occasion and a way to let go to be your full self so that's the third sign but i'm not a
• 19:15
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: dummy so i don't teach great sex in 30 days i think i'd be a millionaire if i sold that course
• 19:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: but i wouldn't give a money back guarantee i give a money back guarantee when i teach all of it and
• 19:27
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: we work on the first two so i need to give a number first oh i'm excited to hear this so zero to ten
• 19:33
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and it's not a frequency game it's the quality of your sensual sexual life that you're rating
• 19:38
  Raymond Aaron: Nevertheless,
• 19:39
  Raymond Aaron: I will answer it my way.
• 19:41
  Raymond Aaron: I'm excited.
• 19:41
  Raymond Aaron: So I met her in my 60s and I'm now in my 80s.
• 19:46
  Raymond Aaron: And I heard a very wise man, he was asked, what is aging?
• 19:51
  Raymond Aaron: And he said, parts fall off.
• 19:54
  Raymond Aaron: Well,
• 19:55
  Raymond Aaron: none of my parts have literally fallen off, but some of them don't work as well as they used to.
• 19:59
  Raymond Aaron: Sure.
• 19:59
  Raymond Aaron: And so the frequency has gone down a bit,
• 20:02
  Raymond Aaron: but the quality is gigantic.
• 20:05
  Raymond Aaron: and I will never ever have an affair on Karen,
• 20:09
  Raymond Aaron: not just because it's unethical,
• 20:11
  Raymond Aaron: not just because
• 20:12
  Raymond Aaron: it's a vow to God,
• 20:15
  Raymond Aaron: but because I'll never find a sexual partner as good as her.
• 20:18
  Raymond Aaron: She is amazing.
• 20:21
  Raymond Aaron: She's just incredible.
• 20:23
  Raymond Aaron: And so even though the frequency is down,
• 20:25
  Raymond Aaron: because some of my parts don't
• 20:27
  Raymond Aaron: work as well in my 80s as in the 60s yeah i i'll give her a 10 that's fantastic yeah so i'm 9 10 10
• 20:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: 29 this man doesn't need me but the rest of you might benefit from a little i need to keep working
• 20:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: on it i'd say i'm around an eight an eight and these days a seven or a six on sensuality
• 20:51
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: who've been neglecting it a bit due to injuries and other things and busyness poor excuses yeah
• 20:57
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: but things happen they are reasons not excuses and so we have made a vow my beloved and i to you
• 21:03
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: know reinitiate a weekly sensual date and to have a little more fun and to and every time we do it's
• 21:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: it's a bit like going to the gym but way more fun afterward we say i'm so glad i did that i'm so
• 21:15
  Raymond Aaron: glad we did that why don't we do this more often well i typically make breakfast for karen and
• 21:20
  Raymond Aaron: And here in this exotic hotel,
• 21:23
  Raymond Aaron: I get up when she's still in bed.
• 21:26
  Raymond Aaron: I go down in my pajamas.
• 21:28
  Raymond Aaron: Thankfully,
• 21:29
  Raymond Aaron: no one notices.
• 21:30
  Raymond Aaron: And I get her a coffee and croissant or something to eat.
• 21:36
  Raymond Aaron: And I come back and she feels so she feels like a princess or a queen.
• 21:40
  Raymond Aaron: She's still in bed.
• 21:41
  Raymond Aaron: And I've done this for her.
• 21:42
  Raymond Aaron: And heck, oh,
• 21:43
  Raymond Aaron: like physically,
• 21:44
  Raymond Aaron: all I'm doing is pressing a button on an elevator.
• 21:47
  Raymond Aaron: It's not that difficult.
• 21:49
  Raymond Aaron: But most people don't do it.
• 21:51
  Raymond Aaron: And I appreciate her so much that I'm super willing to do something that is gigantic for her.
• 22:00
  Raymond Aaron: And in fact, I have a rule for gifts and I apply it in relationship.
• 22:04
  Raymond Aaron: And that is a great gift is high perceived value to the recipient divided by low cost to the giver.
• 22:13
  Raymond Aaron: So if I give you a $20 gift certificate,
• 22:16
  Raymond Aaron: the perceived value to you is $20.
• 22:19
  Raymond Aaron: Right.
• 22:19
  Raymond Aaron: The cost to me is $20.
• 22:21
  Raymond Aaron: You divide them, you get one.
• 22:22
  Raymond Aaron: So that's just not good.
• 22:24
  Raymond Aaron: But if I,
• 22:25
  Raymond Aaron: let's say I manufacture shirts in China
• 22:27
  Raymond Aaron: and they sell in North America for $100,
• 22:31
  Raymond Aaron: so maybe the perceived value to you is not $100,
• 22:33
  Raymond Aaron: maybe just $80.
• 22:35
  Raymond Aaron: But the cost to me is $5.
• 22:37
  Raymond Aaron: Well,
• 22:37
  Raymond Aaron: $80 divided by $5 is $16 to $1.
• 22:41
  Raymond Aaron: $16 to $1 is a great gift.
• 22:42
  Raymond Aaron: And so in relationships,
• 22:44
  Raymond Aaron: I think of anything I can do that has a huge perceived value to her,
• 22:48
  Raymond Aaron: even though it may not mean much to me,
• 22:50
  Raymond Aaron: and a low cost or effort to me.
• 22:52
  Raymond Aaron: And I do them.
• 22:53
  Raymond Aaron: She loves them, so I do them.
• 22:55
  Raymond Aaron: If we're at home together and it's dinner time
• 22:58
  Raymond Aaron: and she says, you know what?
• 22:59
  Raymond Aaron: I'd really love a Starbucks.
• 23:01
  Raymond Aaron: I said, I'll get it.
• 23:02
  Raymond Aaron: Now, we live way out in the country,
• 23:04
  Raymond Aaron: far from any village,
• 23:05
  Raymond Aaron: but the neighboring village actually has a Starbucks.
• 23:08
  Raymond Aaron: I said, I'll go there.
• 23:10
  Raymond Aaron: She said, no, you won't.
• 23:11
  Raymond Aaron: It's snowing outside.
• 23:12
  Raymond Aaron: I don't care if it's snowing.
• 23:13
  Raymond Aaron: I'll go.
• 23:14
  Raymond Aaron: I'll go.
• 23:14
  Raymond Aaron: If you want me, I'll go right now.
• 23:15
  Raymond Aaron: And I mean it because I'm in an air-conditioned car.
• 23:18
  Raymond Aaron: with good suspension,
• 23:20
  Raymond Aaron: like how can it hurt me?
• 23:21
  Raymond Aaron: I have another rule in relationship.
• 23:23
  Raymond Aaron: Nothing is out of the way.
• 23:25
  Raymond Aaron: Nothing.
• 23:26
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Oh,
• 23:26
  Raymond Aaron: that's lovely.
• 23:26
  Raymond Aaron: Nothing.
• 23:27
  Raymond Aaron: So I never have to worry.
• 23:28
  Raymond Aaron: If she says, well, you go to Toronto,
• 23:29
  Raymond Aaron: that's an hour and a half each way.
• 23:31
  Raymond Aaron: In order to do this for her, I say, sure.
• 23:33
  Raymond Aaron: Nothing's out of the way.
• 23:34
  Raymond Aaron: I'll play an audible book in my car while I'm driving.
• 23:39
  Raymond Aaron: I get three hours of the book done.
• 23:41
  Raymond Aaron: So I have a rule.
• 23:42
  Raymond Aaron: Nothing's out of the way.
• 23:43
  Raymond Aaron: And I do anything that has a higher than one-to-one ratio of a gift.
• 23:49
  Raymond Aaron: Those are my rules.
• 23:50
  Raymond Aaron: But you know what?
• 23:51
  Raymond Aaron: We're a little over time,
• 23:53
  Raymond Aaron: but we can't stop.
• 23:55
  Raymond Aaron: Tell me about sex.
• 23:56
  Raymond Aaron: You're a sex counselor.
• 23:57
  Raymond Aaron: You've got to tell me one great thing about sex.
• 24:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Okay.
• 24:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: The clitoris is a great thing about sex.
• 24:02
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: She said the word.
• 24:04
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I did.
• 24:05
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Because,
• 24:05
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: okay, I'm going to be a little saucy here.
• 24:08
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But I like to tell, in a heterosexual relationship, I like to tell beautiful menfolk that,
• 24:13
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But in the development of a fetus in the womb,
• 24:15
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the same tissue that develops in an XY chromosome fetus into a penis develops in an XX chromosome fetus into a clitoris.
• 24:24
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Imagine all the nerve endings, because this is literally biologically developmentally accurate.
• 24:28
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: All of the nerve endings in your beloved penis,
• 24:31
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: gentlemen,
• 24:32
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: in something about as small as the tip of your little finger.
• 24:36
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Wouldn't you want to play with it?
• 24:38
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And expecting a woman to have an orgasm from intercourse alone, penis thrusting into the vagina,
• 24:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: is a bit like expecting a man to have an orgasm if we tap on your balls with a pencil.
• 24:48
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So,
• 24:49
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: think about that.
• 24:51
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Are we allowed to say these words in public?
• 24:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I kept them pretty clean.
• 24:55
  Raymond Aaron: I said I'm going to be a little saucy.
• 24:57
  Raymond Aaron: Saucy, yeah.
• 24:58
  Raymond Aaron: Saucy.
• 24:59
  Raymond Aaron: But those words have never come up in almost 400 podcasts that I've done.
• 25:04
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I'm glad to break the sound barrier.
• 25:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: You broke the sound barrier.
• 25:07
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I say them that way to make it pretty obvious.
• 25:10
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Now, of course, some women were built differently, et cetera, et cetera.
• 25:13
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And some women will have orgasms through penetrative intercourse alone, which is wonderful.
• 25:18
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: But the more men get that point that all of those delicious nerve endings are right there,
• 25:22
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: it gives them a guide to say, sweetheart,
• 25:24
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: if they haven't already learned this,
• 25:26
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: and lots of fellows haven't, lots haven't, to say, you know, teach me how you want to be touched there.
• 25:30
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Teach me what works for you,
• 25:32
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: honey.
• 25:33
  Raymond Aaron: I'm afraid to ask you any more questions.
• 25:36
  Raymond Aaron: You're going to say some more vetoed words?
• 25:38
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Well,
• 25:40
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: tennis balls,
• 25:41
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: that's not a vetoed word.
• 25:42
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's just a word.
• 25:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: You're right.
• 25:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I guess I'm a prude.
• 25:47
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Raymond Aaron the prude.
• 25:49
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I don't think you're a prude at all.
• 25:51
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Goodness.
• 25:52
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And just back to the fact that our sensual life,
• 25:55
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: everything from touching, cuddling, hugging,
• 25:57
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: everything,
• 25:57
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: it matters far more.
• 25:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: There's great research to show.
• 26:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It helps calm the nervous system.
• 26:03
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system.
• 26:06
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's great for stress.
• 26:07
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: There's research to show that if you have a sexual, sensual life,
• 26:11
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: it doesn't have to be very frequent.
• 26:13
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It actually predicts longevity.
• 26:15
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It seems to be predictive to some small but significant degree of things like Alzheimer's and ill health.
• 26:21
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It really is a beautiful way to be healthy and connected and just to have some fun together.
• 26:27
  Raymond Aaron: Sex prevents dementia.
• 26:29
  Raymond Aaron: You heard it here for the first time.
• 26:31
  Raymond Aaron: Oh,
• 26:31
  Raymond Aaron: boy.
• 26:32
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I can see it on the front of the Toronto whatever.
• 26:36
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: newspaper.
• 26:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Slightly misquoted.
• 26:38
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Needs context.
• 26:40
  Raymond Aaron: Give our dear subscribers a gift.
• 26:43
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Oh,
• 26:44
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: what I would love
• 26:45
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: to.
• 26:45
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Just this year, for the first time, I created a free five lesson,
• 26:50
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: five short videos course on
• 26:52
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the three keys to passion,
• 26:53
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the intimacy,
• 26:54
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: thrill, and sensuality. Each one comes with a little
• 26:56
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: worksheet. You can do it alone or much better. Oh,
• 26:57
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the three sides of the triangle.
• 26:59
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Exactly.
• 27:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Okay, good.
• 27:00
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: So it's a little mini course.
• 27:02
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: It's like a preview of my three-month immersion program,
• 27:05
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And you can get it for free clicking the link below.
• 27:07
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And if you'd like a little more of me,
• 27:09
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: you can check out my own podcast.
• 27:11
  Raymond Aaron: But tell us the link anyways.
• 27:12
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Oh, the link to the course?
• 27:14
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Go to Dr.
• 27:14
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Cheryl Fraser dot com.
• 27:15
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And then I think it's slash reboot.
• 27:17
  Raymond Aaron: No,
• 27:18
  Raymond Aaron: don't make it up.
• 27:19
  Raymond Aaron: Oh,
• 27:19
  Raymond Aaron: gosh.
• 27:20
  Raymond Aaron: Pretty sure that's what it is.
• 27:21
  Raymond Aaron: Okay.
• 27:22
  Raymond Aaron: Dr.
• 27:22
  Raymond Aaron: That's D-R.
• 27:23
  Raymond Aaron: D-R.
• 27:24
  Raymond Aaron: Cheryl Fraser.
• 27:26
  Raymond Aaron: F-R-A-Z-S.
• 27:27
  Raymond Aaron: S-E-R.
• 27:28
  Raymond Aaron: F-R-A-S-E-R.
• 27:34
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: S-E-R
• 27:35
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: free course and just put in your email.
• 27:37
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Boom, you'll get your first lesson delivered.
• 27:39
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Little video,
• 27:40
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: little worksheet,
• 27:41
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: couple questions to discuss with your sweetheart.
• 27:43
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Couple days later, part two and so on.
• 27:45
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: And you can rate yourself and you can get
• 27:47
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: some teachings and get started right away on improving
• 27:50
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: the three sides to passion.
• 27:53
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: Wow.
• 27:55
  Dr. Cheryl Fraser: I have a crush on him, but I don't think Karen will mind.
• 27:58
  Raymond Aaron: We're both very ethical.
• 28:00
  Raymond Aaron: Okay,
• 28:00
  Raymond Aaron: 1040. Over and out.
• 28:03
  Raymond Aaron: Bye.
• 28:03
  Raymond Aaron: Bye-bye.
• 28:04
  Raymond Aaron: Wow, I sure hope you enjoyed that fascinating episode.
• 28:08
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• 28:10
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• 28:12
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• 28:15
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• 28:16
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• 28:18
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• 28:19
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• 28:23
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• 28:26
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• 28:28
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• 28:34
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• 28:46
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• 28:50
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• 28:54
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