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How Do I Stop The Money Fights? · Becoming Financially Confident

• 0:37
  How
• 0:37
  can
• 0:38
  something
• 0:38
  as
• 0:38
  practical
• 0:39
  as
• 0:39
  money
• 0:40
  feel
• 0:40
  like
• 0:41
  it's
• 0:41
  tearing
• 0:41
  your
• 0:41
  marriage
• 0:42
  apart?
• 0:43
  Sure,
• 0:43
  you
• 0:43
  try
• 0:44
  to
• 0:44
  talk
• 0:44
  about
• 0:44
  bills,
• 0:45
  but
• 0:45
  every
• 0:45
  time
• 0:45
  it
• 0:46
  turns
• 0:46
  into
• 0:46
  a
• 0:46
  shouting
• 0:47
  match.
• 0:48
  And
• 0:48
  now
• 0:49
  your
• 0:49
  body
• 0:49
  is
• 0:49
  carrying
• 0:50
  stress
• 0:50
  like
• 0:50
  a
• 0:50
  weight
• 0:51
  that
• 0:51
  you
• 0:51
  just
• 0:51
  can't
• 0:52
  set
• 0:52
  down.
• 0:53
  But
• 0:53
  today
• 0:54
  on
• 0:54
  the
• 0:54
  show,
• 0:54
  I'm
• 0:54
  going
• 0:54
  to
• 0:54
  talk
• 0:54
  about
• 0:55
  what
• 0:55
  you
• 0:55
  can
• 0:55
  do
• 0:55
  next
• 0:56
  to
• 0:56
  finally
• 0:56
  lower
• 0:57
  the
• 0:57
  heat
• 0:58
  and
• 0:58
  to
• 0:58
  rebuild
• 0:59
  safety
• 0:59
  around
• 1:00
  money
• 1:01
  and
• 1:01
  maybe
• 1:01
  save
• 1:01
  your
• 1:02
  relationship.
• 1:24
  Hey,
• 1:24
  friend.
• 1:25
  Ralph
• 1:25
  Estep
• 1:26
  Jr.
• 1:26
  Here.
• 1:26
  This
• 1:27
  is
• 1:27
  financially
• 1:27
  confident
• 1:28
  Christian.
• 1:29
  This
• 1:29
  is
• 1:29
  where
• 1:29
  we
• 1:29
  break
• 1:30
  that
• 1:30
  cycle
• 1:30
  of
• 1:30
  financial
• 1:31
  shame
• 1:32
  and
• 1:32
  try
• 1:33
  to
• 1:33
  find
• 1:33
  true
• 1:33
  confidence.
• 1:35
  And
• 1:35
  today's
• 1:35
  topic
• 1:36
  is
• 1:37
  so
• 1:37
  important
• 1:37
  for
• 1:38
  so
• 1:38
  many
• 1:38
  people
• 1:38
  in
• 1:39
  a
• 1:39
  relationship,
• 1:40
  and
• 1:40
  that's
• 1:40
  how
• 1:41
  to
• 1:41
  stop
• 1:41
  money
• 1:41
  talks
• 1:42
  from
• 1:42
  becoming
• 1:42
  fights.
• 1:44
  Let's
• 1:44
  get
• 1:44
  right
• 1:44
  to
• 1:44
  today's
• 1:45
  question.
• 1:46
  Ralph,
• 1:47
  I
• 1:47
  really
• 1:47
  need
• 1:48
  your
• 1:48
  help.
• 1:49
  My
• 1:49
  husband
• 1:50
  and
• 1:50
  I
• 1:50
  fight
• 1:50
  about
• 1:50
  money
• 1:51
  all
• 1:51
  the
• 1:51
  time.
• 1:52
  It
• 1:53
  seems
• 1:53
  like
• 1:53
  every
• 1:53
  time
• 1:53
  we
• 1:54
  talk
• 1:54
  about
• 1:54
  about
• 1:55
  money,
• 1:55
  it
• 1:55
  ends
• 1:56
  up
• 1:56
  in
• 1:56
  a
• 1:56
  shouting
• 1:56
  match.
• 1:57
  We're
• 1:58
  barely
• 1:58
  even
• 1:58
  speaking
• 1:58
  to
• 1:59
  each
• 1:59
  other
• 1:59
  at
• 1:59
  this
• 1:59
  point.
• 2:00
  It's
• 2:01
  affecting
• 2:01
  my
• 2:02
  emotional
• 2:02
  and
• 2:02
  my
• 2:03
  physical
• 2:03
  health
• 2:03
  at
• 2:04
  this
• 2:04
  point.
• 2:04
  And
• 2:04
  I
• 2:04
  don't
• 2:05
  know
• 2:05
  how
• 2:05
  to
• 2:05
  change
• 2:06
  this
• 2:06
  constant
• 2:07
  stress.
• 2:09
  There
• 2:09
  has
• 2:09
  to
• 2:09
  be
• 2:09
  a
• 2:10
  better
• 2:10
  way.
• 2:11
  Well,
• 2:12
  let
• 2:12
  me
• 2:12
  start
• 2:12
  by
• 2:12
  saying
• 2:13
  thank
• 2:13
  you
• 2:13
  for
• 2:13
  your
• 2:13
  honesty.
• 2:14
  And
• 2:14
  yes,
• 2:15
  there
• 2:15
  is
• 2:15
  a
• 2:15
  better
• 2:16
  way.
• 2:16
  And
• 2:17
  I
• 2:17
  hope
• 2:17
  I'm
• 2:17
  going
• 2:17
  to
• 2:17
  give
• 2:17
  you
• 2:18
  that
• 2:18
  better
• 2:18
  way
• 2:18
  today.
• 2:18
  Because
• 2:19
  before
• 2:19
  you
• 2:19
  fix
• 2:20
  the
• 2:20
  budget,
• 2:21
  you've
• 2:22
  got
• 2:22
  to
• 2:22
  restore
• 2:22
  safety
• 2:23
  in
• 2:23
  the
• 2:23
  conversation
• 2:24
  because
• 2:24
  that's
• 2:24
  really
• 2:25
  what
• 2:25
  today's
• 2:25
  all
• 2:25
  about.
• 2:26
  This
• 2:26
  isn't
• 2:26
  about
• 2:26
  money
• 2:27
  today.
• 2:27
  I'm
• 2:28
  putting
• 2:28
  on
• 2:28
  my
• 2:28
  counseling
• 2:29
  hat
• 2:29
  today
• 2:29
  because
• 2:30
  what
• 2:30
  we're
• 2:30
  really
• 2:30
  talking
• 2:31
  about
• 2:31
  is
• 2:31
  safety
• 2:32
  in
• 2:33
  a
• 2:33
  conversation.
• 2:34
  Let's
• 2:35
  talk
• 2:35
  about
• 2:35
  how
• 2:35
  to
• 2:35
  get
• 2:35
  there.
• 2:36
  First
• 2:36
  thing
• 2:36
  you've
• 2:36
  got
• 2:36
  to
• 2:37
  do,
• 2:37
  you've
• 2:38
  got
• 2:38
  to
• 2:38
  name
• 2:39
  the
• 2:39
  real
• 2:39
  enemy.
• 2:41
  If
• 2:41
  you're
• 2:42
  listening,
• 2:42
  you're
• 2:42
  watching
• 2:42
  right
• 2:43
  now.
• 2:43
  You're
• 2:43
  thinking,
• 2:43
  oh,
• 2:44
  Ralph,
• 2:44
  I
• 2:44
  got
• 2:44
  the
• 2:44
  answer.
• 2:45
  The
• 2:45
  enemy
• 2:45
  is
• 2:46
  the
• 2:46
  money.
• 2:46
  No,
• 2:48
  that
• 2:48
  money
• 2:48
  is
• 2:49
  the
• 2:49
  trigger.
• 2:50
  The
• 2:50
  real
• 2:51
  enemy
• 2:51
  here
• 2:52
  is
• 2:52
  fear.
• 2:53
  Fear
• 2:54
  is
• 2:54
  fueling
• 2:55
  that
• 2:56
  enemy.
• 2:57
  It's
• 2:57
  not
• 2:57
  you
• 2:57
  versus
• 2:58
  him.
• 2:58
  It's
• 2:59
  none
• 2:59
  of
• 2:59
  those
• 2:59
  things.
• 3:00
  It's
• 3:01
  both
• 3:01
  of
• 3:01
  you
• 3:02
  versus
• 3:02
  this
• 3:02
  pressure.
• 3:03
  It's
• 3:03
  both
• 3:03
  of
• 3:03
  you,
• 3:04
  dare
• 3:04
  I
• 3:04
  say,
• 3:05
  facing
• 3:05
  this
• 3:05
  fear.
• 3:06
  But
• 3:07
  you've
• 3:07
  got
• 3:07
  to
• 3:07
  name
• 3:07
  that
• 3:08
  it's
• 3:08
  not.
• 3:08
  Well,
• 3:09
  my
• 3:09
  husband
• 3:09
  always
• 3:09
  spends
• 3:10
  or
• 3:11
  I
• 3:11
  always
• 3:11
  want
• 3:11
  to
• 3:11
  save
• 3:12
  her.
• 3:12
  He's
• 3:12
  always
• 3:12
  running
• 3:13
  up
• 3:13
  debtor.
• 3:13
  He
• 3:13
  minimizes
• 3:14
  what
• 3:14
  I'm
• 3:14
  saying.
• 3:15
  That's
• 3:15
  not
• 3:15
  the
• 3:15
  problem
• 3:15
  here.
• 3:17
  The
• 3:17
  problem
• 3:17
  here
• 3:18
  is
• 3:19
  the
• 3:19
  trigger
• 3:19
  is
• 3:20
  money.
• 3:20
  Sure,
• 3:21
  but
• 3:21
  fear
• 3:22
  is
• 3:22
  what's
• 3:22
  fueling
• 3:23
  it.
• 3:24
  It's
• 3:24
  both
• 3:25
  of
• 3:25
  you
• 3:25
  in
• 3:25
  this.
• 3:27
  First
• 3:27
  thing
• 3:27
  I'm
• 3:27
  going
• 3:27
  to
• 3:27
  recommend
• 3:28
  you
• 3:28
  do
• 3:29
  is
• 3:29
  put
• 3:30
  a
• 3:30
  stop
• 3:30
  the
• 3:31
  spiral
• 3:31
  rule
• 3:31
  in
• 3:32
  place.
• 3:33
  Now,
• 3:33
  this
• 3:33
  is
• 3:33
  easier
• 3:34
  said
• 3:34
  than
• 3:34
  done.
• 3:34
  This
• 3:34
  is
• 3:35
  hard
• 3:35
  work.
• 3:35
  Today's
• 3:36
  episode
• 3:36
  is
• 3:36
  hard
• 3:37
  work.
• 3:38
  But
• 3:38
  if
• 3:38
  you
• 3:38
  want
• 3:39
  to
• 3:39
  get
• 3:39
  somewhere,
• 3:39
  you
• 3:40
  got
• 3:40
  to
• 3:40
  put
• 3:40
  some
• 3:41
  rules
• 3:41
  in
• 3:41
  place.
• 3:42
  I've
• 3:42
  worked
• 3:43
  with
• 3:43
  many
• 3:43
  couples
• 3:43
  who
• 3:44
  have
• 3:44
  been
• 3:44
  through
• 3:44
  marriage
• 3:44
  counseling.
• 3:45
  Let
• 3:45
  me
• 3:45
  tell
• 3:45
  you
• 3:45
  right
• 3:45
  now,
• 3:46
  in
• 3:46
  my
• 3:46
  30
• 3:47
  years
• 3:47
  of
• 3:47
  experience,
• 3:48
  the
• 3:48
  number
• 3:49
  one
• 3:49
  cause
• 3:50
  of
• 3:50
  marital
• 3:51
  breakup
• 3:51
  is
• 3:51
  money.
• 3:53
  It
• 3:53
  is
• 3:53
  just
• 3:53
  it.
• 3:53
  It's
• 3:54
  money
• 3:54
  issues.
• 3:55
  Adultery,
• 3:56
  other
• 3:57
  things.
• 3:57
  Abuse.
• 3:58
  Yes,
• 3:58
  they're
• 3:59
  important
• 3:59
  things.
• 3:59
  I'm
• 3:59
  not
• 4:00
  mitigating
• 4:00
  them
• 4:00
  at
• 4:00
  all.
• 4:01
  But
• 4:01
  I
• 4:01
  will
• 4:01
  tell
• 4:01
  you,
• 4:02
  in
• 4:02
  my
• 4:02
  experience,
• 4:03
  the
• 4:03
  number
• 4:04
  one
• 4:04
  cause
• 4:05
  of
• 4:05
  marital
• 4:05
  problems
• 4:06
  leading
• 4:06
  to
• 4:06
  divorce
• 4:07
  and
• 4:07
  breakup
• 4:08
  is
• 4:08
  money.
• 4:09
  So
• 4:09
  if
• 4:09
  you
• 4:09
  want
• 4:09
  to
• 4:10
  make
• 4:10
  this
• 4:10
  work,
• 4:10
  you've
• 4:11
  got
• 4:11
  to
• 4:11
  stop
• 4:12
  the
• 4:12
  spiral.
• 4:13
  You
• 4:13
  got
• 4:13
  to
• 4:14
  agree
• 4:14
  on
• 4:14
  one
• 4:14
  phrase.
• 4:15
  One
• 4:15
  of
• 4:15
  the
• 4:15
  things
• 4:15
  I
• 4:16
  like
• 4:16
  to
• 4:16
  say
• 4:16
  is,
• 4:16
  I'm
• 4:17
  feeling
• 4:17
  flooded
• 4:17
  right
• 4:18
  now.
• 4:18
  I
• 4:18
  need
• 4:18
  a
• 4:18
  pause.
• 4:19
  If
• 4:20
  I
• 4:20
  say
• 4:20
  that
• 4:20
  to
• 4:20
  my
• 4:20
  husband,
• 4:20
  you're
• 4:20
  going
• 4:21
  to
• 4:21
  think
• 4:21
  I'm
• 4:21
  crazy.
• 4:22
  So
• 4:22
  maybe
• 4:22
  you're
• 4:22
  going
• 4:22
  to
• 4:23
  have
• 4:23
  to
• 4:23
  have
• 4:23
  some
• 4:23
  kind
• 4:24
  of
• 4:24
  rule
• 4:24
  in
• 4:25
  place
• 4:25
  that,
• 4:25
  like,
• 4:25
  wait
• 4:25
  a
• 4:26
  second.
• 4:27
  When
• 4:27
  voices
• 4:27
  start
• 4:27
  to
• 4:28
  rise.
• 4:29
  Time
• 4:30
  out,
• 4:31
  20
• 4:31
  minutes,
• 4:31
  half
• 4:32
  an
• 4:32
  hour,
• 4:32
  24
• 4:33
  hours.
• 4:34
  You
• 4:35
  gotta
• 4:35
  have
• 4:35
  to
• 4:35
  set
• 4:35
  that
• 4:35
  pause.
• 4:36
  Listen,
• 4:36
  we're
• 4:36
  not
• 4:36
  talking
• 4:36
  about
• 4:36
  this
• 4:37
  right
• 4:37
  now
• 4:37
  because
• 4:37
  where
• 4:38
  we're
• 4:38
  gonna
• 4:38
  go.
• 4:39
  And
• 4:39
  listen,
• 4:39
  I've
• 4:40
  been
• 4:40
  married
• 4:40
  25
• 4:41
  years.
• 4:41
  I
• 4:42
  know
• 4:42
  how
• 4:42
  to
• 4:42
  play
• 4:42
  the
• 4:42
  game.
• 4:43
  I
• 4:43
  know
• 4:43
  how
• 4:43
  to
• 4:43
  play
• 4:43
  the
• 4:44
  fight
• 4:44
  game.
• 4:45
  It
• 4:45
  never
• 4:45
  works
• 4:45
  out,
• 4:46
  does
• 4:46
  it?
• 4:46
  No
• 4:47
  matter
• 4:47
  as
• 4:47
  any.
• 4:48
  As
• 4:48
  many
• 4:48
  times
• 4:48
  you
• 4:49
  try,
• 4:49
  I'm
• 4:49
  gonna
• 4:49
  win
• 4:49
  this
• 4:50
  argument.
• 4:50
  You're
• 4:50
  not
• 4:50
  gonna
• 4:51
  win
• 4:51
  the
• 4:51
  argument
• 4:51
  if
• 4:51
  you
• 4:51
  lose
• 4:52
  the
• 4:52
  war.
• 4:53
  Number
• 4:54
  one,
• 4:54
  it's
• 4:54
  not
• 4:54
  a
• 4:54
  war
• 4:54
  with
• 4:54
  your
• 4:55
  spouse.
• 4:55
  Name
• 4:55
  that.
• 4:55
  But
• 4:56
  second,
• 4:56
  you
• 4:56
  gotta
• 4:56
  take
• 4:57
  a
• 4:57
  pause
• 4:57
  here,
• 4:57
  time
• 4:58
  out.
• 4:58
  And
• 4:58
  listen.
• 4:59
  Here's
• 4:59
  a
• 4:59
  little
• 4:59
  tip.
• 5:00
  Don't
• 5:00
  go
• 5:00
  another
• 5:00
  room
• 5:01
  and
• 5:01
  start
• 5:01
  texting
• 5:01
  each
• 5:01
  other
• 5:02
  either.
• 5:02
  I
• 5:02
  see
• 5:03
  a
• 5:03
  lot
• 5:03
  of
• 5:03
  people
• 5:03
  that.
• 5:03
  And
• 5:04
  listen,
• 5:04
  guilty
• 5:04
  of
• 5:04
  this
• 5:05
  one,
• 5:05
  too.
• 5:05
  Well,
• 5:06
  I've
• 5:06
  stopped
• 5:06
  the
• 5:06
  argument
• 5:07
  right
• 5:07
  now,
• 5:07
  but
• 5:07
  I'm
• 5:07
  going
• 5:07
  to
• 5:08
  the
• 5:08
  other
• 5:08
  room
• 5:08
  and
• 5:08
  I'm
• 5:08
  going
• 5:08
  to
• 5:09
  start
• 5:09
  texting
• 5:09
  her
• 5:09
  because
• 5:10
  I
• 5:10
  know
• 5:10
  I'm
• 5:10
  raped.
• 5:12
  The
• 5:12
  pause
• 5:12
  is
• 5:13
  all
• 5:13
  communication,
• 5:15
  verbal
• 5:16
  text,
• 5:17
  and
• 5:17
  all
• 5:17
  of
• 5:17
  it
• 5:18
  stops.
• 5:19
  That's
• 5:20
  where
• 5:20
  you
• 5:20
  got
• 5:20
  to
• 5:20
  start.
• 5:21
  First
• 5:22
  of
• 5:22
  all,
• 5:22
  who's
• 5:22
  the
• 5:22
  enemy?
• 5:23
  Secondarily,
• 5:24
  the
• 5:24
  pause.
• 5:26
  Now
• 5:26
  here's
• 5:26
  the
• 5:27
  biggest
• 5:27
  problem,
• 5:27
  though.
• 5:28
  If
• 5:28
  you
• 5:29
  think
• 5:29
  these
• 5:30
  things
• 5:30
  aren't
• 5:30
  going
• 5:30
  to
• 5:30
  happen,
• 5:30
  they're
• 5:31
  going
• 5:31
  to
• 5:31
  happen.
• 5:32
  So
• 5:32
  you've
• 5:32
  got
• 5:32
  to
• 5:33
  build
• 5:33
  in
• 5:33
  what
• 5:33
  I
• 5:33
  call
• 5:34
  like
• 5:34
  a
• 5:34
  check
• 5:35
  in.
• 5:35
  You
• 5:35
  know,
• 5:35
  you
• 5:35
  got
• 5:36
  to
• 5:36
  replace
• 5:36
  those
• 5:36
  money
• 5:37
  talks
• 5:37
  with
• 5:38
  a
• 5:38
  10
• 5:38
  minute
• 5:38
  check
• 5:39
  in.
• 5:39
  I
• 5:40
  firmly
• 5:40
  believe
• 5:40
  that
• 5:41
  you
• 5:41
  should
• 5:41
  set
• 5:41
  aside
• 5:42
  a
• 5:42
  certain
• 5:42
  time
• 5:42
  of
• 5:42
  the
• 5:43
  day,
• 5:43
  a
• 5:43
  certain
• 5:44
  time
• 5:44
  each
• 5:44
  week
• 5:44
  and
• 5:45
  have
• 5:45
  husband
• 5:46
  and
• 5:46
  wife
• 5:46
  or
• 5:46
  a
• 5:46
  partner
• 5:47
  relationship
• 5:47
  check
• 5:48
  in.
• 5:48
  You
• 5:48
  don't
• 5:48
  need
• 5:49
  this
• 5:49
  big
• 5:49
  elaborate
• 5:50
  agenda.
• 5:51
  Just
• 5:51
  10
• 5:52
  minutes.
• 5:54
  Ask
• 5:54
  yourselves
• 5:54
  both
• 5:55
  of
• 5:55
  these
• 5:55
  questions.
• 5:55
  What
• 5:56
  feels
• 5:56
  heavy
• 5:57
  right
• 5:57
  now?
• 5:58
  What
• 5:58
  in
• 5:58
  our
• 5:58
  finances
• 5:59
  is
• 5:59
  bothering
• 5:59
  you?
• 6:00
  What
• 6:00
  is.
• 6:00
  Because
• 6:00
  listen,
• 6:01
  it's
• 6:01
  about
• 6:01
  tension
• 6:02
  and
• 6:02
  fear.
• 6:03
  This
• 6:03
  is
• 6:03
  a
• 6:04
  time
• 6:04
  to
• 6:04
  be
• 6:04
  active
• 6:04
  listening
• 6:05
  to
• 6:05
  what
• 6:05
  the
• 6:05
  other
• 6:06
  person
• 6:06
  is
• 6:06
  telling
• 6:06
  you.
• 6:07
  So
• 6:08
  start
• 6:08
  with
• 6:08
  that
• 6:08
  question,
• 6:08
  what
• 6:09
  feels
• 6:09
  heavy
• 6:09
  right
• 6:09
  now?
• 6:09
  But
• 6:10
  then
• 6:10
  pivot
• 6:10
  to
• 6:10
  this.
• 6:11
  What
• 6:11
  do
• 6:11
  you
• 6:11
  need
• 6:11
  from
• 6:12
  me
• 6:13
  right
• 6:13
  now?
• 6:14
  Do
• 6:14
  you
• 6:14
  need
• 6:14
  comfort
• 6:15
  or
• 6:15
  do
• 6:15
  you
• 6:15
  need
• 6:16
  problem
• 6:16
  solving?
• 6:16
  And
• 6:16
  listen.
• 6:17
  It
• 6:17
  took
• 6:17
  me
• 6:17
  a
• 6:18
  long
• 6:18
  time
• 6:18
  to
• 6:18
  understand
• 6:19
  that
• 6:19
  sometimes
• 6:20
  when
• 6:20
  you're
• 6:20
  talking
• 6:20
  to
• 6:20
  somebody,
• 6:21
  they
• 6:21
  don't
• 6:22
  want
• 6:22
  a
• 6:22
  solution.
• 6:23
  They
• 6:23
  want
• 6:23
  to
• 6:23
  be
• 6:23
  heard.
• 6:24
  They
• 6:25
  want
• 6:25
  comfort.
• 6:25
  They
• 6:25
  want
• 6:26
  to
• 6:26
  feel
• 6:26
  like
• 6:26
  I'm
• 6:27
  listening.
• 6:28
  So
• 6:28
  be
• 6:28
  that
• 6:29
  active
• 6:29
  listener.
• 6:30
  Don't
• 6:30
  try
• 6:31
  to
• 6:31
  solve
• 6:31
  the
• 6:31
  problem.
• 6:31
  Just
• 6:32
  listen
• 6:32
  to
• 6:32
  them.
• 6:32
  Because
• 6:33
  here's
• 6:33
  the
• 6:33
  thing
• 6:33
  about
• 6:33
  this.
• 6:34
  A
• 6:34
  lot
• 6:34
  of
• 6:35
  times,
• 6:35
  this
• 6:35
  fear
• 6:36
  comes
• 6:36
  from
• 6:37
  way
• 6:37
  back
• 6:37
  times.
• 6:38
  Maybe
• 6:38
  they
• 6:38
  grew
• 6:39
  up
• 6:39
  in
• 6:39
  a
• 6:39
  childhood
• 6:40
  where
• 6:40
  the
• 6:40
  electric
• 6:40
  was
• 6:41
  getting
• 6:41
  shut
• 6:41
  off.
• 6:41
  They
• 6:42
  were
• 6:42
  always
• 6:42
  worried
• 6:42
  about
• 6:43
  was
• 6:43
  there
• 6:43
  going
• 6:43
  to
• 6:43
  be
• 6:44
  enough
• 6:44
  food.
• 6:44
  Maybe
• 6:45
  mom
• 6:45
  and
• 6:45
  dad
• 6:46
  were
• 6:46
  fleeting
• 6:46
  all
• 6:46
  the
• 6:47
  time
• 6:47
  about
• 6:47
  money.
• 6:48
  You
• 6:48
  bring
• 6:48
  that
• 6:48
  with
• 6:49
  you
• 6:49
  as
• 6:49
  much
• 6:49
  as
• 6:49
  you
• 6:49
  think
• 6:49
  you
• 6:50
  don't.
• 6:50
  You
• 6:50
  bring
• 6:51
  that
• 6:51
  with
• 6:51
  you
• 6:51
  and
• 6:52
  you
• 6:52
  bring
• 6:52
  it
• 6:52
  to
• 6:52
  your
• 6:53
  relationship.
• 6:54
  So
• 6:54
  sometimes
• 6:55
  a
• 6:55
  person
• 6:55
  just
• 6:55
  needs
• 6:56
  to
• 6:56
  have
• 6:56
  a
• 6:56
  hug
• 6:56
  and
• 6:56
  say,
• 6:56
  listen,
• 6:57
  I
• 6:57
  understand
• 6:58
  what
• 6:58
  you're
• 6:58
  saying.
• 6:59
  I
• 7:00
  didn't
• 7:00
  live
• 7:00
  in
• 7:00
  that.
• 7:01
  I
• 7:01
  don't
• 7:01
  know
• 7:01
  what
• 7:01
  that
• 7:01
  feels
• 7:02
  like,
• 7:02
  but
• 7:02
  I
• 7:03
  understand
• 7:03
  the
• 7:03
  fear
• 7:04
  that
• 7:04
  you
• 7:04
  have.
• 7:05
  And
• 7:05
  then
• 7:06
  as
• 7:06
  a
• 7:06
  group,
• 7:06
  as
• 7:06
  a
• 7:07
  couple,
• 7:08
  decide
• 7:08
  what's
• 7:09
  one
• 7:09
  bill
• 7:09
  or
• 7:10
  one
• 7:10
  decision
• 7:10
  we
• 7:10
  can
• 7:11
  handle
• 7:11
  this
• 7:11
  week.
• 7:11
  Don't
• 7:12
  try
• 7:12
  to
• 7:12
  solve
• 7:12
  all
• 7:13
  the
• 7:13
  problems.
• 7:14
  Just
• 7:14
  pick
• 7:14
  out
• 7:15
  one
• 7:15
  thing
• 7:15
  that
• 7:15
  you
• 7:16
  can
• 7:16
  celebrate
• 7:16
  as
• 7:16
  a
• 7:17
  win.
• 7:18
  And
• 7:19
  the
• 7:19
  thing
• 7:19
  is,
• 7:19
  you
• 7:19
  got
• 7:19
  to
• 7:20
  make
• 7:20
  it
• 7:20
  smaller
• 7:20
  than
• 7:21
  the
• 7:21
  whole
• 7:21
  marriage.
• 7:21
  See,
• 7:22
  this
• 7:22
  is
• 7:22
  the
• 7:22
  problem
• 7:22
  with
• 7:23
  a
• 7:23
  lot
• 7:23
  of
• 7:23
  people.
• 7:23
  When
• 7:23
  they
• 7:23
  find
• 7:24
  themselves
• 7:24
  in
• 7:24
  this
• 7:24
  situation,
• 7:25
  it
• 7:25
  becomes
• 7:26
  an
• 7:26
  all
• 7:26
  or
• 7:26
  nothing
• 7:27
  situation.
• 7:27
  This
• 7:28
  marriage
• 7:28
  is
• 7:28
  done
• 7:28
  because
• 7:29
  we
• 7:29
  can't
• 7:29
  get
• 7:30
  on
• 7:30
  the
• 7:30
  same
• 7:30
  page
• 7:30
  financially.
• 7:31
  And
• 7:32
  then
• 7:32
  it
• 7:32
  becomes
• 7:32
  this
• 7:33
  huge
• 7:33
  marriage
• 7:34
  conflict.
• 7:36
  You
• 7:36
  don't
• 7:36
  need
• 7:36
  to
• 7:36
  go
• 7:36
  there.
• 7:37
  Just
• 7:37
  pick
• 7:37
  one
• 7:38
  category
• 7:38
  because
• 7:39
  maybe
• 7:39
  these
• 7:39
  are
• 7:40
  the
• 7:40
  stress
• 7:40
  points.
• 7:40
  Here's
• 7:41
  a
• 7:41
  big
• 7:41
  one
• 7:41
  right
• 7:41
  now.
• 7:42
  Groceries.
• 7:43
  I'm
• 7:43
  going
• 7:43
  to
• 7:43
  talk
• 7:43
  about
• 7:43
  groceries
• 7:44
  in
• 7:44
  the
• 7:44
  next
• 7:44
  couple
• 7:45
  days.
• 7:45
  But
• 7:45
  this
• 7:45
  is
• 7:46
  a
• 7:46
  huge
• 7:46
  source
• 7:46
  of
• 7:46
  stress
• 7:47
  because
• 7:47
  the
• 7:47
  price
• 7:48
  of
• 7:48
  groceries
• 7:48
  goes
• 7:48
  up.
• 7:49
  And
• 7:49
  guess
• 7:49
  what?
• 7:49
  You
• 7:49
  got
• 7:49
  to
• 7:49
  eat,
• 7:50
  right?
• 7:51
  And
• 7:51
  this
• 7:51
  causes
• 7:51
  stress.
• 7:52
  Well,
• 7:52
  maybe
• 7:52
  you
• 7:52
  pick
• 7:52
  that
• 7:53
  category
• 7:53
  and
• 7:53
  I'm
• 7:54
  going
• 7:54
  to
• 7:54
  talk
• 7:54
  to
• 7:54
  you
• 7:54
  in
• 7:54
  a
• 7:54
  couple
• 7:54
  of
• 7:55
  days
• 7:55
  about
• 7:55
  how
• 7:55
  to
• 7:55
  break
• 7:56
  that
• 7:56
  cycle
• 7:56
  of
• 7:56
  that
• 7:57
  grocery
• 7:57
  budget.
• 7:58
  Maybe
• 7:58
  for
• 7:58
  you
• 7:59
  it's
• 7:59
  bills.
• 7:59
  You
• 7:59
  see
• 7:59
  the
• 8:00
  bills
• 8:00
  come
• 8:00
  in
• 8:00
  and
• 8:01
  it's
• 8:01
  overwhelming
• 8:02
  to
• 8:02
  you.
• 8:02
  Like,
• 8:02
  we
• 8:03
  kind
• 8:03
  of
• 8:03
  stop
• 8:03
  the
• 8:03
  bleeding
• 8:04
  route
• 8:05
  and
• 8:05
  these
• 8:05
  bills
• 8:06
  come
• 8:06
  in
• 8:06
  it
• 8:06
  just
• 8:06
  makes
• 8:07
  you
• 8:07
  angry,
• 8:07
  it
• 8:07
  makes
• 8:07
  you
• 8:07
  fearful,
• 8:08
  it
• 8:08
  creates
• 8:09
  that
• 8:09
  tension.
• 8:10
  Maybe
• 8:11
  for
• 8:11
  you
• 8:11
  it's,
• 8:11
  you've
• 8:12
  got
• 8:12
  to
• 8:12
  pay
• 8:12
  that
• 8:12
  debt
• 8:12
  off.
• 8:13
  Maybe
• 8:13
  you
• 8:13
  got
• 8:13
  this
• 8:13
  mountain
• 8:13
  of
• 8:13
  debt
• 8:14
  and
• 8:14
  you're
• 8:14
  like,
• 8:14
  can't
• 8:15
  stand
• 8:15
  having
• 8:15
  this
• 8:16
  mountain
• 8:16
  of
• 8:16
  debt.
• 8:16
  The
• 8:16
  shadow
• 8:17
  of
• 8:17
  that
• 8:17
  is
• 8:17
  on
• 8:17
  me
• 8:18
  all
• 8:18
  the
• 8:18
  time.
• 8:18
  It's
• 8:18
  driving
• 8:19
  me
• 8:19
  crazy.
• 8:21
  But
• 8:21
  as
• 8:21
  a
• 8:21
  couple
• 8:22
  collectively
• 8:23
  battle
• 8:23
  that
• 8:23
  together,
• 8:24
  choose
• 8:24
  that
• 8:25
  one
• 8:25
  decision
• 8:25
  that
• 8:25
  you
• 8:26
  can
• 8:26
  agree
• 8:26
  on
• 8:26
  today.
• 8:27
  Yes,
• 8:27
  we
• 8:27
  both
• 8:28
  agree
• 8:28
  we
• 8:29
  can
• 8:29
  save
• 8:29
  money
• 8:29
  with
• 8:29
  groceries.
• 8:30
  Here's
• 8:30
  what
• 8:30
  we
• 8:30
  can
• 8:31
  do.
• 8:31
  We
• 8:31
  can
• 8:31
  plan
• 8:31
  better,
• 8:32
  we
• 8:32
  can,
• 8:32
  we
• 8:32
  can
• 8:33
  do
• 8:33
  the
• 8:33
  whole.
• 8:33
  And
• 8:33
  like
• 8:33
  I
• 8:33
  said,
• 8:33
  I'm
• 8:34
  gonna
• 8:34
  talk
• 8:34
  about
• 8:34
  that
• 8:34
  in
• 8:34
  the
• 8:34
  next
• 8:34
  couple
• 8:35
  days.
• 8:35
  But
• 8:35
  maybe
• 8:35
  the
• 8:36
  bills
• 8:36
  and
• 8:36
  you've
• 8:36
  got
• 8:36
  a
• 8:36
  better
• 8:37
  plan
• 8:37
  for
• 8:37
  maybe
• 8:37
  set
• 8:38
  up
• 8:38
  automated
• 8:38
  payment
• 8:39
  for
• 8:39
  bills
• 8:39
  or
• 8:39
  maybe
• 8:39
  set
• 8:40
  up
• 8:40
  that
• 8:40
  debt
• 8:40
  plan,
• 8:41
  whether
• 8:41
  it
• 8:41
  be
• 8:41
  the
• 8:42
  snowball
• 8:42
  or
• 8:42
  the
• 8:42
  avalanche
• 8:43
  plan.
• 8:44
  And
• 8:44
  then
• 8:44
  write
• 8:44
  it
• 8:45
  down.
• 8:46
  Stop
• 8:46
  that
• 8:47
  restarting
• 8:47
  of
• 8:47
  the
• 8:47
  fight.
• 8:48
  And
• 8:48
  once
• 8:48
  you
• 8:48
  talk
• 8:48
  about
• 8:48
  it,
• 8:49
  another
• 8:49
  little
• 8:49
  pro
• 8:49
  tip
• 8:50
  here.
• 8:51
  Don't
• 8:51
  use
• 8:51
  that
• 8:51
  as
• 8:51
  ammunition
• 8:52
  to
• 8:52
  fight
• 8:52
  the
• 8:52
  person
• 8:53
  again.
• 8:53
  If
• 8:54
  you've
• 8:54
  come
• 8:54
  up
• 8:54
  with
• 8:54
  a
• 8:54
  decision,
• 8:55
  you
• 8:55
  better
• 8:56
  put
• 8:56
  that
• 8:56
  in
• 8:56
  writing.
• 8:56
  Put
• 8:57
  it
• 8:57
  decision,
• 8:57
  put
• 8:57
  it
• 8:57
  out
• 8:58
  there.
• 8:59
  Because
• 8:59
  you've
• 8:59
  got
• 9:00
  to
• 9:00
  protect
• 9:00
  your
• 9:00
  health
• 9:01
  with
• 9:01
  a
• 9:01
  boundary
• 9:02
  that
• 9:02
  honors
• 9:02
  the
• 9:03
  relationship.
• 9:05
  That's
• 9:05
  what
• 9:05
  we're
• 9:05
  really
• 9:05
  talking
• 9:06
  about.
• 9:06
  Like
• 9:06
  I
• 9:06
  said
• 9:06
  at
• 9:06
  the
• 9:06
  beginning,
• 9:07
  this
• 9:07
  isn't
• 9:07
  about
• 9:07
  money
• 9:08
  today.
• 9:09
  This
• 9:09
  is
• 9:09
  about
• 9:10
  how
• 9:10
  do
• 9:10
  we
• 9:10
  make
• 9:10
  the
• 9:10
  relationship
• 9:11
  strong
• 9:12
  again.
• 9:12
  How
• 9:12
  do
• 9:12
  we
• 9:13
  build
• 9:13
  that
• 9:13
  comfort
• 9:13
  into
• 9:14
  the
• 9:14
  relationship?
• 9:14
  How
• 9:15
  do
• 9:15
  we
• 9:15
  make
• 9:15
  sure
• 9:15
  the
• 9:15
  other
• 9:16
  person
• 9:16
  is
• 9:16
  being
• 9:16
  felt
• 9:17
  and
• 9:17
  heard
• 9:18
  and
• 9:18
  understanding.
• 9:20
  Set
• 9:20
  up
• 9:20
  some
• 9:20
  rules
• 9:20
  for
• 9:21
  yourself.
• 9:21
  I
• 9:21
  love
• 9:21
  this
• 9:21
  rule.
• 9:22
  I
• 9:22
  won't
• 9:22
  do
• 9:22
  money
• 9:23
  conversations
• 9:23
  when
• 9:24
  they're
• 9:24
  shouting.
• 9:26
  Listen,
• 9:27
  like
• 9:27
  I
• 9:27
  said,
• 9:27
  I've
• 9:28
  been
• 9:28
  married
• 9:28
  25
• 9:28
  years.
• 9:29
  My
• 9:29
  marriage
• 9:29
  is
• 9:29
  not
• 9:30
  perfect.
• 9:30
  And
• 9:31
  here's
• 9:31
  the
• 9:31
  thing.
• 9:31
  I
• 9:31
  will
• 9:31
  tell
• 9:32
  you
• 9:32
  time
• 9:32
  and
• 9:32
  time
• 9:32
  again,
• 9:33
  when
• 9:33
  you're
• 9:33
  shouting
• 9:34
  at
• 9:34
  each
• 9:34
  other,
• 9:34
  you're
• 9:34
  not
• 9:35
  getting
• 9:35
  anywhere.
• 9:36
  If
• 9:36
  you're
• 9:36
  shouting
• 9:36
  at
• 9:36
  each
• 9:37
  other,
• 9:37
  you
• 9:37
  might
• 9:37
  as
• 9:37
  well
• 9:37
  walk
• 9:37
  in
• 9:38
  the
• 9:38
  other
• 9:38
  room
• 9:38
  because
• 9:38
  guess
• 9:39
  what,
• 9:39
  it's
• 9:40
  not
• 9:40
  going
• 9:40
  to
• 9:40
  work.
• 9:41
  So
• 9:42
  maybe
• 9:42
  for
• 9:42
  you
• 9:42
  have
• 9:43
  a
• 9:43
  rule.
• 9:43
  We
• 9:43
  don't
• 9:44
  do
• 9:44
  money
• 9:44
  conversations
• 9:45
  when
• 9:45
  they're
• 9:45
  shouting,
• 9:46
  when
• 9:46
  we're
• 9:46
  angry,
• 9:47
  when
• 9:47
  we're
• 9:47
  upset,
• 9:49
  maybe
• 9:49
  we're
• 9:49
  going
• 9:49
  to
• 9:49
  say,
• 9:49
  look,
• 9:50
  when
• 9:50
  this
• 9:50
  happens,
• 9:51
  we
• 9:51
  go
• 9:51
  to
• 9:51
  our
• 9:51
  check
• 9:52
  in
• 9:52
  time.
• 9:52
  We
• 9:53
  got
• 9:53
  to
• 9:53
  check
• 9:53
  in
• 9:53
  every
• 9:54
  Friday
• 9:54
  at
• 9:54
  9pm
• 9:55
  what
• 9:55
  we
• 9:55
  do,
• 9:56
  we
• 9:56
  take
• 9:56
  10
• 9:56
  minutes
• 9:58
  and
• 9:58
  that's
• 9:58
  what
• 9:58
  we're
• 9:58
  going
• 9:58
  to
• 9:58
  talk
• 9:59
  about.
• 9:59
  This.
• 9:59
  We're
• 9:59
  not
• 9:59
  going
• 10:00
  to
• 10:00
  re
• 10:00
  engage.
• 10:00
  We're
• 10:00
  not
• 10:00
  going
• 10:01
  to
• 10:01
  continue
• 10:01
  that
• 10:01
  text
• 10:01
  battle,
• 10:02
  the
• 10:02
  text
• 10:02
  war
• 10:03
  I
• 10:03
  call
• 10:03
  it.
• 10:04
  You
• 10:04
  have
• 10:04
  texting,
• 10:04
  text
• 10:05
  terrorism.
• 10:06
  If
• 10:07
  it's
• 10:07
  unsafe
• 10:07
  or
• 10:08
  it's
• 10:08
  escalating,
• 10:09
  maybe
• 10:09
  you're
• 10:10
  in
• 10:10
  a
• 10:10
  relationship
• 10:10
  and
• 10:10
  you're
• 10:10
  like,
• 10:11
  Ralph,
• 10:11
  we've
• 10:11
  tried
• 10:11
  all
• 10:11
  these
• 10:12
  things,
• 10:12
  we
• 10:13
  just
• 10:13
  can't
• 10:13
  get
• 10:13
  on
• 10:13
  the
• 10:13
  same
• 10:14
  page.
• 10:14
  Listen,
• 10:15
  go
• 10:15
  talk
• 10:15
  to
• 10:15
  your
• 10:15
  pastor.
• 10:17
  Pastors
• 10:17
  deal,
• 10:17
  listen.
• 10:18
  Pastors
• 10:18
  deal
• 10:19
  with
• 10:19
  this
• 10:19
  all
• 10:19
  the
• 10:19
  time.
• 10:20
  I
• 10:21
  deal
• 10:21
  with
• 10:21
  this
• 10:21
  kind
• 10:21
  of
• 10:22
  stuff
• 10:22
  all
• 10:22
  the
• 10:22
  time.
• 10:22
  Reach
• 10:22
  out
• 10:22
  to
• 10:22
  me.
• 10:23
  I'm
• 10:23
  happy
• 10:23
  to
• 10:23
  talk
• 10:23
  to
• 10:24
  you
• 10:24
  and
• 10:24
  your
• 10:24
  spouse.
• 10:25
  Go
• 10:26
  see
• 10:26
  a
• 10:26
  counselor
• 10:27
  and
• 10:27
  listen
• 10:28
  if
• 10:28
  there's
• 10:28
  any
• 10:28
  intimidation
• 10:29
  or
• 10:29
  threats,
• 10:31
  I'm
• 10:31
  not
• 10:31
  going
• 10:31
  to
• 10:31
  talk
• 10:31
  a
• 10:31
  lot
• 10:31
  about
• 10:32
  that
• 10:32
  today.
• 10:32
  But
• 10:32
  if
• 10:32
  you're
• 10:33
  living
• 10:33
  in
• 10:33
  a
• 10:33
  relationship
• 10:34
  where
• 10:34
  there's
• 10:34
  intimidation
• 10:35
  or
• 10:35
  threats,
• 10:36
  prioritize
• 10:37
  your
• 10:37
  safety
• 10:37
  immediately.
• 10:37
  If
• 10:38
  things
• 10:38
  are
• 10:38
  getting
• 10:38
  out
• 10:38
  of
• 10:38
  control,
• 10:39
  go
• 10:39
  for
• 10:40
  a
• 10:40
  ride,
• 10:40
  go
• 10:40
  for
• 10:40
  a
• 10:41
  walk.
• 10:41
  Get
• 10:41
  out
• 10:42
  of
• 10:42
  that
• 10:42
  situation.
• 10:42
  I'm
• 10:43
  not
• 10:43
  a
• 10:43
  counselor.
• 10:43
  I'm
• 10:44
  not
• 10:44
  trying
• 10:44
  to
• 10:44
  give
• 10:44
  you
• 10:44
  any
• 10:45
  counseling
• 10:45
  advice.
• 10:45
  But
• 10:46
  if
• 10:46
  you
• 10:46
  find
• 10:46
  yourself
• 10:47
  you're
• 10:47
  being
• 10:47
  intimidated
• 10:48
  or
• 10:48
  you're
• 10:49
  being
• 10:49
  threatened,
• 10:49
  I'm
• 10:49
  not
• 10:49
  minimizing
• 10:50
  that
• 10:50
  right
• 10:50
  now.
• 10:51
  Prioritize
• 10:52
  your
• 10:52
  safety
• 10:54
  because
• 10:54
  none
• 10:54
  of
• 10:54
  what
• 10:54
  we're
• 10:55
  talking
• 10:55
  about
• 10:55
  makes
• 10:55
  you
• 10:55
  crazy
• 10:56
  today.
• 10:57
  This
• 10:57
  is
• 10:57
  your
• 10:57
  nervous
• 10:57
  system
• 10:58
  asking
• 10:59
  for
• 10:59
  peace.
• 11:00
  Well,
• 11:00
  here's
• 11:01
  your
• 11:01
  one
• 11:01
  win
• 11:01
  for
• 11:01
  today.
• 11:02
  I
• 11:02
  want
• 11:02
  you
• 11:02
  to
• 11:02
  write
• 11:03
  one
• 11:03
  sentence
• 11:04
  and
• 11:04
  I
• 11:04
  want
• 11:04
  you
• 11:05
  to
• 11:05
  keep
• 11:05
  it
• 11:05
  ready
• 11:05
  for
• 11:06
  when
• 11:06
  this
• 11:06
  happens.
• 11:06
  And
• 11:06
  this
• 11:07
  is
• 11:07
  what
• 11:07
  I
• 11:07
  want
• 11:07
  you
• 11:07
  to
• 11:07
  write
• 11:07
  down.
• 11:08
  And
• 11:08
  I'll
• 11:08
  put
• 11:08
  this
• 11:09
  in
• 11:09
  the
• 11:09
  show
• 11:09
  notes
• 11:09
  today.
• 11:10
  I
• 11:10
  want
• 11:10
  you
• 11:11
  to
• 11:11
  think
• 11:11
  about
• 11:11
  this.
• 11:11
  Memorize
• 11:12
  this.
• 11:13
  I
• 11:13
  love
• 11:13
  you
• 11:14
  and
• 11:15
  I
• 11:15
  want
• 11:15
  peace.
• 11:16
  Start
• 11:17
  there.
• 11:17
  I
• 11:17
  love
• 11:17
  you
• 11:18
  and
• 11:18
  I
• 11:18
  want
• 11:18
  peace.
• 11:19
  Can
• 11:19
  we
• 11:19
  do
• 11:20
  a
• 11:20
  10
• 11:20
  minute
• 11:20
  money
• 11:21
  check
• 11:21
  in
• 11:21
  on
• 11:21
  blank
• 11:22
  at
• 11:22
  blank.
• 11:23
  Friday
• 11:23
  at
• 11:23
  9.
• 11:24
  Whatever.
• 11:24
  Listen,
• 11:25
  everybody
• 11:25
  schedules
• 11:25
  different.
• 11:26
  Maybe
• 11:26
  after
• 11:27
  church
• 11:27
  on
• 11:27
  Sunday's
• 11:28
  a
• 11:28
  good
• 11:28
  time.
• 11:28
  Make
• 11:29
  sure
• 11:29
  you're
• 11:29
  doing
• 11:29
  it
• 11:29
  a
• 11:30
  time
• 11:30
  when
• 11:30
  you're
• 11:30
  not
• 11:30
  hungry,
• 11:31
  you're
• 11:31
  not
• 11:31
  tired,
• 11:32
  you're
• 11:32
  not
• 11:33
  upset,
• 11:33
  you're
• 11:33
  not
• 11:33
  fighting
• 11:34
  with
• 11:34
  the
• 11:34
  kids
• 11:34
  when
• 11:34
  you
• 11:35
  first
• 11:35
  put
• 11:35
  the
• 11:35
  kids
• 11:35
  down.
• 11:35
  And
• 11:36
  if
• 11:36
  you're
• 11:36
  a
• 11:36
  young
• 11:36
  couple,
• 11:37
  it's
• 11:37
  not
• 11:37
  the
• 11:38
  time
• 11:38
  to
• 11:38
  do
• 11:38
  that.
• 11:38
  That's
• 11:38
  the
• 11:39
  time
• 11:39
  to
• 11:39
  decompress.
• 11:40
  You've
• 11:40
  got
• 11:40
  to
• 11:40
  really
• 11:41
  think
• 11:41
  strategically,
• 11:42
  intentionally
• 11:43
  be
• 11:43
  out.
• 11:44
  Why
• 11:44
  do
• 11:44
  I
• 11:44
  do
• 11:44
  this?
• 11:45
  Because
• 11:46
  in
• 11:46
  the
• 11:46
  end,
• 11:46
  we
• 11:46
  want
• 11:47
  to
• 11:47
  shift
• 11:47
  that
• 11:47
  momentum
• 11:48
  from
• 11:48
  conflict
• 11:49
  to
• 11:50
  structure
• 11:50
  and
• 11:50
  to
• 11:51
  safety.
• 11:52
  So
• 11:52
  that's
• 11:52
  my
• 11:53
  good
• 11:53
  takeaway
• 11:53
  for
• 11:53
  it
• 11:53
  today.
• 11:54
  Let's
• 11:54
  get
• 11:54
  right
• 11:54
  to
• 11:54
  our
• 11:54
  Bible
• 11:55
  verse.
• 11:55
  You
• 11:55
  know,
• 11:55
  I
• 11:55
  always
• 11:55
  want
• 11:55
  to
• 11:56
  land
• 11:56
  us
• 11:56
  in
• 11:57
  scripture
• 11:57
  and
• 11:57
  reinforce
• 11:58
  what
• 11:58
  we
• 11:58
  talk
• 11:58
  about
• 11:58
  in
• 11:59
  Scripture.
• 11:59
  This
• 11:59
  one
• 12:00
  comes
• 12:00
  to
• 12:00
  us
• 12:00
  from
• 12:00
  Proverbs
• 12:01
  chapter
• 12:01
  15,
• 12:02
  verse
• 12:02
  1.
• 12:03
  And
• 12:03
  let
• 12:03
  me
• 12:03
  tell
• 12:04
  you
• 12:04
  right
• 12:04
  now,
• 12:04
  this
• 12:04
  one
• 12:05
  is
• 12:05
  perfect
• 12:05
  for
• 12:05
  today.
• 12:06
  Again,
• 12:06
  Proverbs
• 12:07
  15:1.
• 12:08
  A
• 12:09
  gentle
• 12:09
  answer
• 12:10
  turns
• 12:10
  away
• 12:10
  wrath,
• 12:12
  but
• 12:12
  a
• 12:12
  harsh
• 12:12
  word
• 12:13
  stirs
• 12:13
  up
• 12:14
  anger.
• 12:16
  That
• 12:16
  one
• 12:16
  fits
• 12:16
  today,
• 12:16
  doesn't
• 12:17
  it?
• 12:18
  Because
• 12:18
  God
• 12:18
  is
• 12:18
  giving
• 12:19
  I
• 12:19
  love
• 12:19
  it
• 12:19
  when
• 12:19
  God
• 12:20
  gives
• 12:20
  us
• 12:20
  something
• 12:20
  practical.
• 12:21
  And
• 12:21
  man,
• 12:22
  he
• 12:22
  is
• 12:22
  laying
• 12:22
  on
• 12:23
  the
• 12:23
  practical
• 12:23
  thing
• 12:24
  today.
• 12:24
  What's
• 12:24
  he
• 12:24
  say?
• 12:24
  A
• 12:25
  gentle
• 12:25
  answer,
• 12:26
  calm
• 12:27
  answer,
• 12:28
  thoughtful
• 12:29
  answer.
• 12:30
  He's
• 12:31
  telling
• 12:31
  us
• 12:31
  to
• 12:31
  lower
• 12:31
  the
• 12:32
  temperature.
• 12:32
  So
• 12:33
  before
• 12:33
  you
• 12:33
  turn
• 12:33
  up
• 12:34
  the
• 12:34
  temperature,
• 12:34
  he's
• 12:35
  saying
• 12:35
  to
• 12:35
  you,
• 12:35
  don't
• 12:35
  have
• 12:36
  those
• 12:36
  harsh
• 12:36
  words.
• 12:37
  You're
• 12:38
  not
• 12:38
  going
• 12:38
  to
• 12:38
  solve
• 12:38
  this
• 12:39
  problem
• 12:39
  with
• 12:39
  harsh
• 12:39
  words
• 12:40
  and
• 12:40
  back
• 12:40
  and
• 12:41
  forth
• 12:41
  texting
• 12:41
  and
• 12:42
  I'm
• 12:42
  going
• 12:42
  to
• 12:42
  win
• 12:42
  this
• 12:42
  battle.
• 12:44
  A
• 12:44
  gentle
• 12:45
  answer,
• 12:46
  carving
• 12:46
  out
• 12:46
  that
• 12:47
  time
• 12:47
  to
• 12:47
  talk
• 12:47
  about
• 12:47
  it.
• 12:48
  That's
• 12:49
  how
• 12:49
  you
• 12:49
  solve
• 12:49
  this
• 12:50
  not
• 12:50
  math
• 12:51
  problem.
• 12:52
  As
• 12:52
  I
• 12:52
  said,
• 12:52
  I
• 12:53
  hope
• 12:53
  you
• 12:53
  agree
• 12:53
  with
• 12:53
  me
• 12:53
  at
• 12:53
  this
• 12:54
  point.
• 12:54
  It's
• 12:54
  not
• 12:55
  a
• 12:55
  math
• 12:55
  problem.
• 12:56
  It's
• 12:56
  a
• 12:56
  relationship
• 12:57
  communication
• 12:59
  problem.
• 12:59
  That's
• 13:00
  where
• 13:00
  we
• 13:00
  got
• 13:00
  to
• 13:00
  go.
• 13:01
  How
• 13:01
  about
• 13:01
  we
• 13:01
  pray
• 13:01
  together,
• 13:03
  Lord,
• 13:03
  you
• 13:03
  see
• 13:03
  the
• 13:03
  tension
• 13:04
  in
• 13:04
  our
• 13:04
  homes
• 13:05
  and
• 13:05
  you
• 13:05
  see
• 13:06
  how
• 13:06
  heavy
• 13:06
  this
• 13:07
  feels
• 13:07
  in
• 13:07
  our
• 13:07
  bodies
• 13:08
  and
• 13:08
  in
• 13:08
  our
• 13:08
  heart,
• 13:08
  Lord,
• 13:09
  how
• 13:09
  I
• 13:09
  just
• 13:09
  ask
• 13:09
  that
• 13:09
  you
• 13:10
  would
• 13:10
  give
• 13:10
  us
• 13:10
  wisdom
• 13:10
  today
• 13:11
  and
• 13:12
  peace
• 13:12
  right
• 13:12
  now
• 13:13
  for
• 13:13
  this
• 13:13
  moment.
• 13:13
  Help
• 13:13
  us
• 13:14
  to
• 13:14
  slow
• 13:14
  down,
• 13:15
  help
• 13:15
  us
• 13:16
  to
• 13:16
  breathe
• 13:16
  and
• 13:16
  help
• 13:17
  us
• 13:17
  to
• 13:17
  choose
• 13:17
  gentleness
• 13:18
  even
• 13:19
  when
• 13:19
  our
• 13:19
  emotions
• 13:20
  are
• 13:20
  surging,
• 13:21
  Lord,
• 13:21
  we
• 13:21
  know
• 13:21
  what
• 13:21
  that
• 13:22
  feels
• 13:22
  like.
• 13:23
  Teach
• 13:24
  us
• 13:24
  to
• 13:24
  trust
• 13:24
  you
• 13:24
  with
• 13:25
  our
• 13:25
  needs,
• 13:25
  Lord,
• 13:25
  and
• 13:26
  trust
• 13:26
  us
• 13:26
  with
• 13:26
  our
• 13:27
  future
• 13:27
  and
• 13:27
  help
• 13:28
  us
• 13:28
  that
• 13:29
  fear
• 13:29
  that's
• 13:29
  underneath
• 13:30
  of
• 13:30
  that
• 13:30
  fighting.
• 13:30
  Because
• 13:31
  we
• 13:31
  do
• 13:31
  recognize
• 13:31
  that,
• 13:32
  Lord,
• 13:32
  it's
• 13:32
  not
• 13:33
  that
• 13:33
  we
• 13:33
  don't
• 13:33
  love
• 13:33
  this
• 13:33
  person.
• 13:34
  It's
• 13:34
  not
• 13:34
  that
• 13:34
  we
• 13:34
  don't
• 13:35
  want
• 13:35
  to
• 13:35
  work
• 13:35
  things
• 13:35
  out.
• 13:35
  We
• 13:36
  just,
• 13:36
  we
• 13:36
  have
• 13:36
  this
• 13:36
  fear,
• 13:37
  Lord,
• 13:37
  help
• 13:38
  us
• 13:38
  to
• 13:38
  break
• 13:38
  that
• 13:39
  fear.
• 13:39
  And
• 13:39
  Lord,
• 13:39
  we
• 13:40
  just
• 13:40
  ask
• 13:40
  that
• 13:40
  you
• 13:40
  would
• 13:40
  bring
• 13:40
  healing
• 13:41
  to
• 13:41
  our
• 13:42
  communication
• 13:43
  and
• 13:43
  protection
• 13:44
  over
• 13:44
  all
• 13:44
  of
• 13:44
  our
• 13:45
  marriages,
• 13:45
  Lord,
• 13:46
  and
• 13:47
  give
• 13:47
  us
• 13:47
  courage
• 13:47
  to
• 13:47
  ask
• 13:48
  for
• 13:48
  wise
• 13:48
  support,
• 13:49
  Lord,
• 13:49
  when
• 13:50
  it's
• 13:50
  needed.
• 13:50
  And
• 13:50
  I
• 13:51
  ask
• 13:51
  this
• 13:51
  in
• 13:52
  Jesus
• 13:52
  name.
• 13:54
  Amen,
• 13:55
  friend.
• 13:56
  I
• 13:56
  want
• 13:56
  you
• 13:56
  to
• 13:56
  hear
• 13:56
  this.
• 13:57
  Peace
• 13:58
  can
• 13:58
  start
• 13:58
  small.
• 14:00
  Just
• 14:00
  one
• 14:00
  pause,
• 14:01
  one
• 14:02
  gentle
• 14:02
  answer,
• 14:02
  one
• 14:03
  gentle
• 14:03
  sentence,
• 14:04
  one
• 14:04
  structured
• 14:05
  step.
• 14:06
  But
• 14:06
  you
• 14:06
  can
• 14:07
  get
• 14:07
  to
• 14:07
  that
• 14:07
  today.
• 14:07
  If
• 14:07
  you're
• 14:08
  in
• 14:08
  that
• 14:08
  midst
• 14:08
  of
• 14:08
  fighting,
• 14:09
  reach
• 14:09
  out
• 14:09
  and
• 14:09
  get
• 14:09
  some
• 14:10
  help.
• 14:10
  You
• 14:10
  don't
• 14:10
  have
• 14:11
  to
• 14:11
  live
• 14:11
  like
• 14:11
  that
• 14:11
  anymore.
• 14:12
  And
• 14:13
  if
• 14:13
  you've
• 14:13
  got
• 14:13
  a
• 14:13
  question
• 14:14
  for
• 14:14
  the
• 14:14
  show,
• 14:14
  I
• 14:14
  would
• 14:14
  love
• 14:14
  to
• 14:15
  hear
• 14:15
  your
• 14:15
  questions.
• 14:15
  What
• 14:15
  really
• 14:16
  feeds
• 14:16
  me
• 14:16
  on
• 14:16
  the
• 14:16
  show?
• 14:17
  Go
• 14:17
  to
• 14:18
  financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question
• 14:21
  we'll
• 14:21
  put
• 14:21
  that
• 14:22
  link
• 14:22
  in
• 14:22
  the
• 14:22
  show
• 14:22
  notes,
• 14:23
  but
• 14:23
  it's
• 14:23
  super
• 14:23
  simple.
• 14:24
  Just
• 14:24
  go
• 14:24
  to
• 14:24
  financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question
• 14:27
  just
• 14:28
  tell
• 14:28
  me
• 14:28
  what's
• 14:28
  going
• 14:28
  on.
• 14:29
  Tell
• 14:29
  me
• 14:29
  what's
• 14:29
  on
• 14:29
  your
• 14:30
  mind
• 14:30
  and
• 14:30
  I'll
• 14:30
  answer
• 14:31
  your
• 14:31
  question
• 14:31
  on
• 14:31
  the
• 14:31
  show.
• 14:31
  You
• 14:32
  don't
• 14:32
  have
• 14:32
  to
• 14:32
  tell
• 14:32
  me
• 14:32
  who
• 14:32
  you
• 14:32
  are.
• 14:33
  Don't
• 14:33
  need
• 14:33
  to
• 14:33
  know
• 14:33
  that.
• 14:34
  Just
• 14:34
  tell
• 14:34
  me
• 14:34
  what's
• 14:34
  going
• 14:35
  on.
• 14:35
  Because
• 14:35
  chances
• 14:35
  are
• 14:36
  somebody
• 14:37
  else
• 14:37
  is
• 14:37
  feeling
• 14:37
  the
• 14:37
  same
• 14:38
  way
• 14:38
  you're
• 14:38
  feeling.
• 14:39
  And
• 14:39
  if
• 14:39
  you're
• 14:39
  getting
• 14:40
  value
• 14:40
  from
• 14:40
  the
• 14:40
  show
• 14:41
  and
• 14:41
  you're
• 14:41
  like,
• 14:41
  well,
• 14:41
  Ralph
• 14:42
  is
• 14:42
  really
• 14:42
  onto
• 14:42
  it
• 14:43
  now,
• 14:43
  do
• 14:43
  me
• 14:43
  a
• 14:43
  huge
• 14:44
  favor
• 14:44
  and
• 14:44
  share
• 14:45
  the
• 14:45
  show
• 14:45
  with
• 14:45
  somebody.
• 14:46
  Just
• 14:46
  send
• 14:46
  them
• 14:47
  a
• 14:47
  text,
• 14:47
  send
• 14:47
  them
• 14:47
  an
• 14:47
  email
• 14:48
  and
• 14:48
  say,
• 14:48
  hey,
• 14:48
  I
• 14:48
  know
• 14:49
  you're
• 14:49
  battling
• 14:49
  something
• 14:50
  right
• 14:50
  now
• 14:50
  financially.
• 14:51
  I
• 14:51
  know
• 14:52
  this
• 14:52
  guy
• 14:52
  Ralph.
• 14:52
  He
• 14:52
  does
• 14:53
  this
• 14:53
  show.
• 14:53
  Financially
• 14:54
  confident
• 14:54
  Christian.
• 14:55
  Just
• 14:55
  check
• 14:55
  it
• 14:56
  out.
• 14:56
  And
• 14:56
  as
• 14:57
  I
• 14:57
  always
• 14:57
  close
• 14:57
  today,
• 14:58
  stay
• 14:58
  financially
• 14:59
  savvy,
• 14:59
  my
• 14:59
  friend,
• 15:00
  and
• 15:00
  God
• 15:00
  bless
• 15:00
  you.
• 15:01
  And
• 15:01
  you
• 15:01
  have
• 15:02
  a
• 15:02
  great
• 15:02
  day
• 15:02
  today.