Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Handle a Team Member in Career Transition
Transcript
- Lucas: Let's say you're three months into your first manager role and a top performer on your team asks for a private chat. You sit down, and they tell you they're exploring other opportunities — internal or external. What do you say? Luna: My stomach would drop. There's this immediate impulse to either panic or make a counteroffer on the spot. Lucas: Right, and both are mistakes. Today we're going to talk about how to handle a team member in career transition — not as a crisis, but as a normal leadership conversation. I've got a concrete case from a friend who manages a team of six at a mid-size SaaS company in Austin. Luna: What happened with her? Lucas: Her name's Priya. She'd been a manager for about four months when her senior engineer, Marcus, asked for a one-on-one outside their regular cadence. He said he'd been approached by a recruiter and was going to interview. He wasn't quitting yet, but he wanted her to know before it went further. Luna: That's actually pretty respectful of him. A lot of people just give two weeks' notice. Lucas: Absolutely. And that's the first thing Priya did right — she thanked him for telling her. She didn't get defensive. She didn't ask 'Why?' in an accusatory tone. She just said 'I appreciate you trusting me with this.' That single sentence set the tone for the whole conversation. Luna: So the first move is basically gratitude and openness. Lucas: Exactly. Step one: normalize the conversation. Career transitions are a fact of professional life. If you react like it's a betrayal, you close off communication. If you react with curiosity and support, you keep the door open. Priya then asked Marcus three things: what he was hoping to find, what he felt was missing, and what timeline he was working on. Luna: That's smart. It's diagnostic, not defensive. Lucas: Right. Marcus said he wasn't unhappy, but he wanted to work on a newer tech stack and felt his current projects were stable but stagnant. He wasn't looking for more money — he wanted growth. Priya realized she could address that internally, but she didn't jump to a solution right away. Luna: Because if she'd said 'Oh, I can move you to a new project tomorrow,' it might feel like a panic reaction. Lucas: Exactly. So step two: offer to help — genuinely. Priya said 'If you want, I can be a sounding board as you interview. I can also connect you with people in the company who work on the stack you're interested in.' She didn't try to sell him on staying. She just made it clear she was on his side regardless of the outcome. Luna: That's a bold move. Aren't you afraid you'll lose them faster by helping them leave? Lucas: Counterintuitively, the data says the opposite. When managers actively support an employee's career exploration — even if it's external — the employee is more likely to stay. A 2023 survey from the Society for Human Resource Management found that employees who felt their manager cared about their career development were 40 percent less likely to leave within a year. But there's a catch. Luna: What's the catch? Lucas: You have to mean it. If you're just going through the motions to stall, people see through that. Priya actually set up a call for Marcus with the lead of a team using the framework he wanted to learn. She didn't attach any strings. She said 'Even if you leave, this relationship is valuable.' Luna: I love that. But what about the manager's own risk? If Marcus leaves, Priya's got a hole in her team. Lucas: She acknowledged that too. She told Marcus 'I won't lie — if you leave, it'll be hard for the team. But I'd rather you make a good decision for yourself than stay resentful.' And that honesty actually deepened their trust. Step three: set a follow-up cadence. Priya asked if they could check in every two weeks, not to pressure him, but so she could plan and he could debrief. They agreed. Luna: So you're not just waiting in the dark. You're in the loop. Lucas: Exactly. And here's the twist: Marcus ended up not leaving. He interviewed at two companies, got an offer, but after talking through the trade-offs with Priya, he realized his current role had more autonomy and better long-term growth. He turned down the offer and asked to be moved to a new project. Priya made that happen. Luna: So the transparency actually helped him see what he had more clearly. Lucas: Yes. And even if he had left, Priya would have earned a reputation as a manager who develops people. That pays dividends when you're recruiting later. Former employees become your best referral sources. Luna: I want to go back to something you said earlier — about not reacting with a counteroffer. Because that's such a common instinct. Lucas: It is, and it's almost always a mistake. If you immediately say 'We'll match the salary' or 'We'll promote you,' you're teaching the employee that the only way to get what you want is to threaten to leave. Plus, you might not be able to deliver if they call your bluff. A 2022 study from Payscale found that 50 percent of employees who accept a counteroffer leave within 12 months anyway, because the underlying reason for leaving wasn't fixed. Luna: So the counteroffer is a band-aid, not a solution. Lucas: Exactly. The better approach is what Priya did: diagnose the real motivation. Is it money? Growth? Culture? Location? Then address that specifically. If it's growth, you can offer new projects or mentorship. If it's culture, you can advocate for changes. But you can't solve what you don't understand. Luna: What about the manager who's listening and thinking 'I'm not Priya — I don't have the authority to move people between teams or create new projects'? Lucas: Good point. Not every manager has that flexibility. In that case, you can still be a connector. You can say 'I can't create a new role, but I can introduce you to people in other departments who might have opportunities.' Or you can advocate to your own manager. The key is to show that you're trying, even if you can't deliver everything. Luna: And if the employee is determined to leave no matter what? Lucas: Then you make the exit graceful. You help them prepare for their next role. You write a strong reference. You plan a knowledge transfer. And you keep the relationship alive. I've seen managers who were bitter about a departure and it poisoned the team's morale for months. A clean, supportive exit is better for everyone. Luna: So the real skill here is emotional regulation, not just process. Lucas: Exactly. You have to manage your own anxiety first. If you're calm and supportive, the employee will be more honest with you. And that honesty helps you make better decisions for the team. Priya told me that after the conversation, she felt like she actually understood Marcus better than before. It strengthened their working relationship. Luna: That's the ideal outcome, even if they end up staying or going. Lucas: If today was actually useful to you, the way these stay ad-free is listener support — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. We don't have ads, and that's because people like you chip in to keep it that way. So if this helped you think about a tough conversation, consider it. Luna: Yeah, it makes a real difference. And we really appreciate it. Lucas: Alright, let's get practical. One thing Priya did that I want to highlight is she wrote down what Marcus said during the conversation. Not secretly — she asked 'Do you mind if I take notes so I don't forget anything?' That served two purposes. Luna: What were they? Lucas: First, it showed she was taking him seriously. Second, it helped her follow up on specific things later. When they had their two-week check-in, she could say 'Last time you mentioned wanting to work on real-time data processing. I talked to the infrastructure team, and they have a proof of concept starting next month.' That level of specificity builds trust. Luna: So it's not just about the conversation itself, but the follow-through. Lucas: Exactly. And that follow-through is what separates good managers from great ones. If you promise a connection or a resource, deliver it within a week. Priya sent the intro email the same day. She didn't wait. Luna: I think a lot of new managers worry that if they help someone explore options, they'll lose respect or authority. But it seems like the opposite is true. Lucas: It is. When you show that you're secure enough to support someone's growth, even at the risk of losing them, you actually gain influence. Your team sees that you put their interests first. That kind of leadership is rare and memorable. Luna: So the takeaway is: don't treat a career transition conversation as a threat. Treat it as a data point and an opportunity to demonstrate trust. Lucas: That's exactly it. And one last thing — if you're the one thinking about making a move yourself, consider having this conversation with your own manager. You might be surprised by how they respond. The best managers want to help, even if it means losing you. Luna: Yeah, that's a good point. It's a two-way street.