Latest / Sober Readings / Spiritual Progress - Came To Believe Ch 9
Transcript
- Scott Hayes: Came to Believe, the spiritual adventure of AA as experienced by individual members. Welcome everyone to another Sunday episode of Sober Readings. In this episode, we're starting chapter 9 from Came to Believe. Chapter 9 is titled Spiritual Progress, so I'll begin with the intro. We are not saints. The point is that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. we claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. That was written by Bill W. and it's on page 60 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's also a part of How It Works. So let's jump right into Chapter 9. Today I'm going to read five of the ten short stories that are in Chapter 9. And the first one is titled Destinations. Only 12 steps. In a day when we are exposed to fantastic statistics, a mere dozen doesn't seem to rate much. But what is involved in the 12 steps makes a great difference. I can remember how thrilled my wife and I were when we saw each of our twins take the first step at 11 months. Soon it was two steps, then three, then four, and in no time at all there was no way of counting the steps they had taken. They were free. Free to go on and on. That first step is very important, whether it is the first step of a beloved child learning to walk, or the first step taken by a man on his way to a new life. Looking into my little one's faces, I can see the same qualities that we need for the 12 steps of AA. Daring to stake everything on the attempt. A sense of direction to be followed with no swerving, no detour. Decision to move forward without hesitation or reservation. Determination, to make it all the way. Destination, a full life, a free life, a serene life. And that was written in Albany, Australia. So this second short story is titled Totally Free. After 11 years sobriety, one day at a time, I have growing awareness of how incredibly blessed I am. At first, it was all I could manage to stay sober that one day. I never allowed myself an excuse to miss an AA meeting, and I read all the AA conference-approved literature I could buy or borrow. I also read other publications, such as William James' The Variety of Religious Experience, because Bill W. did. I read several daily devotionals, and still do, including my precious 24 hours a day. I attended confirmation classes in my church to review the Christian teaching of my youth, from which I had become so far removed. Growth and understanding came slowly, but they came steadily. And finally, I could feel gratitude for my sobriety. For the saving grace of God. Now I feel totally free because I know the truth about myself. I learned about people in AA, and this brought me to an understanding of myself. I know that spiritual growth is a great, wide, beautiful thing, and that I have only stepped up to the open door. By going to meetings and rubbing elbows with the new people in AA, I find they have much to teach me. Their problems are a little different, and they haven't experienced the awful isolation that many of us older folks did. But they are better informed. They are more knowledgeable. and I suspect they are smarter because they learn faster. Perhaps they don't have as far to go to get well as we did, but their path is more cluttered and the way isn't as clear. So it is still the same struggle for all of us and we need each other. We need each other's experience, strength and hope, regardless of age or length of sobriety. The saving grace of God doesn't come like a bolt out of the blue. It comes through, in and from other suffering. as well as rescued souls like you and me. I am happy to be part of a living and growing fellowship with an infallible heartbeat. Divine power is the pulse of AA, and it doesn't change no matter how errant and foolish we mortals be. And that was written in Bismarck, North Dakota. The Wonder of Discoveries I wanted to be the most successful member of my AA group. But it was a long time before I could think clearly. I stayed sober largely through fear and the thrill of trying to carry the message. I would talk frequently and at length on the value of working the steps and living this new way of life. Unfortunately, that's all I did about it. Just talk. I didn't really attempt to take the steps. Instead, I tried to find spiritual help and peace of mind through my church. For this activity, I felt certain that I would be rewarded with good health and happiness. It didn't work. Although I never took another drink, my general health declined. I became highly nervous and tense. As a result, an ulcer, high blood pressure, and acute neuritis finally took me to the hospital, where I lay almost blind, crippled, and near death. After my doctors had determined the chief medical cause for my illness, they predicted that I would live after all. Then I had much more time to think and to meditate. I reviewed my entire life, the years before AA and the 12 years in AA. Somehow, I felt free to look objectively at what I had been and what I had become. For the first time in my life, it grew quite clear to me that I was an utter, complete, 100 % die-in-the-wool louse. I was so self-centered, so full of ego, that I had all but destroyed myself. During the years in AA, I had learned little more than to keep the plug in the jug. I had neglected to try to work all the 12 steps of the program. But it occurred to me that now God had twice saved me from my self-destruction. I began to feel a sense of real gratitude, and I tried to thank him. I had a strong feeling that God had spared me for a purpose. To express my gratitude, I wanted to spend the rest of my life trying to help someone else. And I knew that one of the best places to work was in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, without my old, shallow ideas of success. I discovered the satisfaction of helping to arrange the chairs for a meeting or of cleaning the ashtrays. Soon, I discovered that AA service can be most rewarding and I loved doing it. Yes, I did go back and start all over the 12 steps. and I felt the wonder of other discoveries about myself and my higher power. I would have felt this years ago had I but followed the program and had I been, as the big book states, willing to go to any length to get it. AA Today affords me the privilege of being at ease in the world of normal people. It gives me the opportunity to try to live and work in my church and community, and perhaps in these areas too, offer a small contribution toward making things just a little bit better for those yet to come. Cordell Oglo. The next story is titled, Evidence of a Miracle. My alcoholism was not far advanced when I first sought the help of AA, but the effects of 30 years of drinking were there and my spiritual life was at a low ebb. All desire to drink left me at my first meeting and believing, I took to the program with enthusiasm, minded the slogans, went to meetings, made friends, and carried the message as I understood it then. Shortly after joining AA, I underwent a religious conversion. I had been a Christian just nominally. about as ill-informed on spiritual matters in general as one can imagine. Upon truly discovering Christianity, I studied theology and its many branches, became a lay member of a religious order, and was a daily communicant. I felt secure, so I drifted away from the fellowship, no longer participated in meetings, lost track of my AA friends, and became extremely busy. When I took a drink after 13 years of sobriety, I'm sure I had in mind the AA would still be there if the results proved dire. Surprisingly, the whiskey had no apparent effect. For a couple of years after that, I would have an occasional drink. My life situation was entirely different from what it had been 15 years before, gradually deceiving myself skillfully. I became convinced that I had been mistaken about my alcoholism. For a few years, I managed to appear to be a social drink. They were portents of the contrary, but I ignored them. I cherished my illusion of control. The deterioration of my spiritual life was slow. The physical and mental effects were not especially noticeable for quite a while. Inevitably, the time came when I faced the fact that I could neither cut down on the considerable amount I was drinking, nor could I stop. In desperation, I had myself hospitalized. My chart read, acute alcoholism. And I suffered all the symptoms. including hallucinations. Yet after release, I continued to drink, completely obsessed. One day, my doctor suggested that I go into the hospital again. I said I would think about it. A friend came for tea that day, my tea was more than half vodka, and said, just in passing, you know, dear, it isn't worth it. Just that. After she left, the words, it isn't worth it, kept running through my mind. The next morning I phoned the local AA entry group office and asked for a meeting list. I have not had a drink since that day. Now I see how monumental my self-deception was. During that first 13 years, my sobriety was not of the high quality it seemed to be. During the two years that followed, I actually convinced myself that it was a privilege to be able to drink. When I returned to AA, its precepts seemed entirely new to me, particularly the full meaning of the first step. the atom bomb of the program. Instead of taking the steps and forgetting them, this time I began living them daily, finding new meaning in each one. What I have come to believe is profound and my concept and understanding of the program are quite different from what they were before. My AA way of life now demands constant action, an active self honesty and recognition of the necessity for living in day tight compartments. Patience must be practiced. In gratitude, I must humbly come to believe every moment of every day. Each day I must surrender and rededicate my life, or I shall lose all that I have gained. I have always believed in God, but I must never again forget how easy it is to lose contact and to become again, insane. I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother, and I found all three. We find our brothers in the fellowship, and therein lies spiritual strength. Your understanding of God may be quite different from mine, but we may agree, I think, that there is a Holy Spirit pervading AA meetings and that the sobriety of each and every one of us is evident of a miracle. A miracle is defined as an event that appears unexplainable and so is held to be supernatural in origin, an act of God. This I accept. David Stort has written, A miracle is an astonishing act emerging from the concerted effort of God and a person. I agree, and in AA, a person becomes many people. AA succeeds because, one and all, we have a common goal toward which we are working. Mental, emotional, and spiritual growth, through love and service. Once we come to believe, we are given the opportunity to work toward this goal. For me, Coming to believe is not a one-time experience. It is an action to be performed daily as long as I live and grow. New York, New York. And that might be one of my favorite stories in this book. All right, one more short one before we close today. This one's called Only One Reason. I believe we are all sober and alive for only one reason. God has a job for us to do. I have also come to believe that I must please God first, myself second, and everybody else third. When I can live and feel that way, and it isn't all day every day, things seem to work out. When I try to run the show, everything goes to hell. Akron, Ohio. And I have to say, I love that last line in this last reading. When I try to run the show, everything goes to hell. Alright, so next Sunday we'll pick up where we left off and the next story is titled, The Central Experience, and there's five more stories left in chapter nine. So I hope next Sunday you will join me to listen for that. And so let's wrap up this episode with the Serenity Prayer. God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the Thank you so much for listening. Stay sober, keep reading, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other, and remember, just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day. And as my friend Larry says, best day ever.