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Reinventing With Habits · Divas That Care Network

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's Divas the Care Radio.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Divas That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is a global movement for women, by women engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: To find out more about the movement, visit divas that care.com after the show.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Confidence in Bloom, where bold women rise, shine, and own their power.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: We all face that pesky inner critic, what I call the itty bitty shitty committee, whispering self-sabotaging doubts and untrue trash talk that hold us back.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: But here, we don't let that noise win.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: This season, we're celebrating the season of shift, women on the edge of reinvention.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's for every woman standing at the crossroads, ready to rewrite her story, reignite her spark, and rise into the next version of herself.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: This is a space to honor the fierce, fabulous women who've broken free from fear, crushed limiting beliefs, and stepped into their full, unstoppable selves.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because let's be real, the most powerful thing any woman can wear is her confidence.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Tina Spolotini, your host with Adivas That Care Network, bringing you real stories from women who reclaimed their voice, embraced their worth, and are lighting the way for all of us.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: Are you ready to bloom into your next chapter?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Let's dive in.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Today I'm chatting with Dr.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Carol Perlman, a licensed psychologist and cognitive behavioral therapy specialist with over 25 years of experience helping people break patterns and reach their goals.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: She has worked at top institutions, including Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, and co-authored a leading treatment series for adults with ADHD.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: In 2014, she founded Healthy for Life, where she coaches individuals and organizations on building habits that boost health, productivity, and work-life balance.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: She is also the host of the Healthy Habits for Life podcast.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: So welcome, Carol.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me today.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, I'm so looking forward to this.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I want to start with you know, you are a psychologist, right?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: Now you're also a cognitive behavioral therapy specialist.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Is that not the same thing?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_02: So it's a subdivision of a psychologist.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: So there are many different approaches to therapy.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of many.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: And it's a more modern approach.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's been around since um maybe the early 60s.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: And the idea is that we look at the patterns playing out today that connect the situations you're in with the thoughts you're having, how your thoughts impact your feelings, how your thoughts and feelings impact your behaviors, and how all of those go round and round to create your outcome today.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: So sometimes we do go back and revisit early childhood experiences mostly to understand like where did this thought pattern come from, or where did you learn, you know, this behavioral pattern.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: But the main focus is what's going on today, and how do we teach you skills for managing day-to-day situations differently?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I love that.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: So, I mean, I'm fascinated with how the brain works and how like why people do what we do, like why do we do what we do, right?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: I love that, that whole concept.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I know some of it goes back to, you know, before we're seven years old, some of it comes back to, you know, just regular patterns that we've created throughout our lives, right?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm always fascinated by, oh my God, that is so cool.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: I would have never thought, right?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 3:59
  unknown: Yeah.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: But the good news is we can always create change, even if something has an origin from many, many years ago, we can always create change.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my mother has always said to me that, you know, humans are creatures of habit, and I truly believe that.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: But she's also said to me over the years that when we get old, you know, we get so deep into our habits that we cannot change.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: And she said to me actually just a couple of weeks ago that I'm old now, that'll never change, right?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember sitting there thinking, but that can't be possible, right?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, obviously you have to be willing to make the change, right?
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because there are people in their 80s and 90s that took a coaching course with me.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're still willing to change themselves and help others do their, you know, whatever change.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: So when you um I mean, obviously you had an accomplished career in psychology, but what inspired you to change, like to make the shift into like a health habit coaching and your entrepreneurship?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: So it's it's really a wild story and it goes back to my origin.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: So I began graduate school.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: I was very young, I was maybe 22, just out of college, and I arrived at this program and I was interested in the connection between carbohydrates and mood.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: People were not talking about it back then.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: This was really kind of obscure.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know why.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: I just kind of had this inkling, but there was a powerful connection, and I wanted to study it.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so I did all sorts of intricate studies on people's nutrition patterns, their sleep patterns, exercise, substance use, and how that connected to well-being and depression.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: And it was really fascinating, and I absolutely loved it.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: Again, nobody was talking about this.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: Very few people were talking about this at the time.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: But, you know, then over the years, I graduated and I, you know, took my first couple of jobs in big academic medical settings, and I got pulled into more traditional work of a psychologist helping people with things like anxiety and depression and trauma.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: And um, one of my areas of expertise became helping adults with ADHD.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I did a lot of work with a group of colleagues.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: We were asked to develop a program for adults because back then, this was over 20 years ago now, there really wasn't much out there.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Fortunately, it's very different now.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_02: But at the time, there really wasn't much out there.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: There were medications, but we were looking at people who were still struggling, even though they were on what we would consider to be adequate medication, but they were still having problems.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: So, how could we help them learn skills above and beyond what the medications were going to do?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I was basically doing all of that work for many years.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: I had I've had a private practice for 20 years, but about 10 years ago, you know, this little whisper was just calling to me, and I really wanted to get back into the sphere of wellness.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: And so I started promoting health coaching, and I wanted to use all these skills that I now had for behavioral change.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_02: How do you help people change their thoughts, change their emotions, change their behaviors?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to apply it to health habits because I saw what was happening was that doctors would make recommendations and say, oh, you have cardiovascular disease, I want you to modify your diet in this way.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you have diabetes, I want you to make these changes.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: But the doctors didn't know how to help people actually do that day in and day out, nor did they have the time to do that.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I just saw there was such an opportunity for me to use my skills and help people in this way.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I wanted to roll up my sleeves and get into the nitty-gritty, what's going on day in and day out that makes it hard to regulate your food intake.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: And how can I make that feel more doable for people and help them create the health habits so it's just automatic.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: So it became a gradual shift.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: I was doing that in my private practice.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: I worked with a another health and wellness uh company distributing their products and also coaching people to use the tools for at-home workouts.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_02: And um and then in 2020, I uh let's see, I realized so this was just the start of COVID, and I was actually a friend of mine actually helped asked me to help her.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: She had undiagnosed ADHD and she said to me, You're so productive.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you tell me you're gonna do this one day and then you do it.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_02: How do you make that happen?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: Can you help me?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so we got to talking and we said, Well, if I'm gonna help you, I might as well help lots of people at the same time because there's so many people, you know, in that boat.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so I basically adapted the program that we had created for ADHD into a program that was relevant for the general population, a time management program to help people with um productivity, procrastination, basically how do you get your stuff done in less time so that you can free up more time to guilt-free, relax, have fun, spend time with your family, do the things that you love, and overall create a better work-life balance.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so that was really the big pivotal moment for me was in 2020 when I started doing that and decided to focus um exclusively on teaching group programs going into companies and teaching their teams how to work more efficiently, create better work-life balance, decrease burnout, which was becoming such a big thing throughout COVID and and beyond.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I still maintain a private practice on the side.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: I still love um being a therapist and helping people one-on-one.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm doing both these days.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I love that.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I mean, I'll be honest, the whole, you know, habit change, we all need, we all need to like grasp it, right?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: And and now not everybody has to make major changes, but even little changes.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: We all have some kind of habits that we don't like about ourselves, right?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so it sounds like the program that you designed is, you know, something that could help pretty much anyone.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so now you call it healthy like health habits that you're changing.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so, I mean, clearly it was directed at, you know, people that were having health issues like cardiovascular disease and and diabetes, and I'm sure there were others.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what kind of I'm just curious as to what kind of habits does that include?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Is it like, you know, it's not something minor like time blocking where you, you know, you put on your calendar and you say, okay, from this time you're going to clean your bedroom.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then, right?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I mean, that's easy.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: Don't get me wrong, that's super easy.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: And that's something that I teach my clients as well.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: But I don't know about anyone else, but I know myself.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Even if though it started with if it's on my calendar, I'll get it done because then I know that I only have so much time to do it.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: But I was a stay-at-home mom.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: And when my all my kids were in school, it was easy to say, oh, I'll do it tomorrow, right?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: I have time tomorrow, or I'll do it after lunch, right?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go for coffee and then when I get back, I'll do it.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, if once I leave the house, forget it.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not coming home to do stuff.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's just not gonna happen, right?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was like that in my 20s and 30s, I'm still like that in my 50s.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do you work, like how do you walk people around like through that?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you help them, you know, grasp the idea?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: Here's the thing.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_02: So you are already well versed in the idea of time blocking.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: Many people are not.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: So I would say the majority of people that come through my programs are accustomed to having certain things in their calendar that they know they have a date and time.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like you and I knew we were meeting at a certain time, so that's in the calendar.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I have a doctor's appointment, I know that's Wednesday at night.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_02: So those are much easier to get to and make happen because we know exactly when they're going to happen.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_02: But then there's everything else that I call the white space.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_02: So it's all that unstructured time that's sort of over here in one bucket.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: And then over here are the is the list of to-dos, which I hope people have.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: This is one of the things I teach is to make sure they're all in one place and they're not scattered, you know, stickies here, text to myself there, voicemail to myself, a note written on a stray piece of mail, you know.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: So that's one thing we have to clean up right away is we have to streamline everything, get it all in one place.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_02: But then we have the task of marrying that list of to-dos with the white space.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: So, how are you gonna get them all done?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: Honestly, that's where people get jammed up because the list gets really overwhelming.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: They can't really figure out it all feels important, they feel like it all should have been done yesterday.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: So, how do you pick out on a given day what's the important thing to do?
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: And then people get really stuck with procrastination, they can't decide, so then they spend all this time scrolling social media, watching Netflix, doing other things that really aren't important.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: So the very first thing we have to do is establish a really solid system with your calendar, your to-do list, and how you're gonna integrate them, decide and figure out what are the priorities on a given day or week, and then figure out when exactly you're gonna get them done.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: So I like to teach the habit of identifying one day during the week when you're going to set up your plan for the whole week, and you make that a lifelong habit.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: So for me, I like to do it on Sunday.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes I do it on Saturday because I just I want to make sure that it's done, and then I'm actually excited for the week.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like I don't feel overwhelmed, I feel totally in control because I know exactly how what it's gonna look like.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously, things are gonna come up, things are gonna change a little bit, but the bulk of it is all mapped out.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: So back to, you know, the health habits.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: So when I think of health habits, it's really a very broad label, you know.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: So that's health habits, that's productivity, that's when are you gonna take care of your stuff and get it done, and then when you're gonna take care of you, your body, have your meals, exercise, do things for fun, do things to relax, spend time with your family.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: So it's all of that.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so what I find is that if you haven't time blocked it, it's not gonna happen.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_02: So if you say, Yeah, you know, I'd like to get in better shape this year, you know, I think I I want to, you know, go to the gym three times a week.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: If it's if you leave it at that, I just want to get to the gym three times a week, it's not gonna happen unless you know more specifically exactly when.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's gonna happen Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from four to five.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, now I know the plan.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: Now there's still a task, a task to do, which is to problem solve the obstacles because there will still be many.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, a kid asks you to drive them somewhere, or you have a tech glitch that day, and now you're on tech support all day long and you didn't get the other thing done.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: So things come up all the time.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: You have to rework the schedule.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: But when you have that solid framework in place, it makes it so much more doable to just make the small adjustments along the way.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I get that.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then also, too, along with that is you learn how to set boundaries, right?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, like, okay, I have to be at the gym, right, at 10 o'clock this morning.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, your son is like, well, mom, can we stop?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, can you bring me to this place?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can, but I we either have to leave the house at nine o'clock, right?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: So you're gonna have to get your ass out of bed, or you're gonna have to go, you know, take the bus and I can pick you up on the way back.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like you, you know, you set boundaries that way because you can't, I mean, I think once you start letting yourself down, right?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I think most women are, you know, can probably relate with this.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: You put myself aside, right?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll go to the gym, I'll go to the gym after lunch, right?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because he needs me right now, right?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: But we have to learn how to stop doing that, right?
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like we're not saying you don't say no to your kid, your kid still will always need you, but you he has to learn how to respect your boundaries as well as you respecting your own boundaries.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: I really love that.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: And that can be a podcast on its own, this whole setting boundaries, right?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh my gosh, there's so much to say.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's so hard.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, even though you and I could sit here and say, yeah, that's so important, it's still really hard.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I actually I just came across, I don't know if it was a blog post or a Facebook post that I had written about this, but this probably happened last year.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: So my kids are 16 and 19.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: They're not little anymore.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they they know about delayed gratification and, you know, they have more cognitive skills.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: But I was on a Peloton ride in my basement, and my son came down and asked me for something.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I actually said to him, Yeah, happy to do it, but in 20 minutes when I'm done with my ride.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that might have been one of the few times that I had done that.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: That was so new in the past, I probably would have hopped off and be like, yep, I guess I'm not gonna finish my ride today, and I'm gonna go help him do whatever.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: And it felt so hard and different and amazing to say to him, no, actually, we're gonna wait 20 minutes and then I'll do that.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: And life went on.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: He was totally fine.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: But what a concept, right?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I know, like with my kids, I did it with my heart.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: I never like, you know, I never did anything out of obligation, but I know there were times where I, you know, I'd rather be helping my kids than doing whatever it was I was doing, right?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so then it was like, ah, I'll do it later.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: My kid needs me.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: But that's an excuse, right?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the truth is what they demand of you, you there's always time for it.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Unless, of course, they've fallen and they've gotten hurt.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's different.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: But if they're just asking you to put yourself aside so you can help them, that's that's when the boundaries need to come in.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: But we want to talk about reinvention.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: So when you when you reinvented yourself, I mean, I'm gonna assume that that was it took a bit of a reinvention when you started creating these um like the healthy habits uh workshops that you created or programs, I guess they would have been for these adults.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: When did you realize that you were like reinventing your own life?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: I know it's so wild because you don't necessarily know that it's happening as it is happening.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, your career is as true as life, but it's your career just kind of evolves and you never know how many zigs and zags you're gonna take before you get to the end of your career.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: And it just it's so entertaining to me.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_02: I guess that's maybe the best word, that you know, to think about where my career is now and where it started, because these platforms did not exist when I was in graduate school.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: There was no social media and there were no online courses, there was no Kajabi, you know, there was no Google Classroom, there was none of that.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so this kind of work just simply didn't exist.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: You go to school to become a psychologist, you imagine you're gonna have an office, people are gonna come in.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: There was no Zoom, there was no telehealth, you know, it literally didn't exist.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, we have to evolve over time as technology evolves and as the demands of the world evolve, we have to be able to change with it and adapt.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so some of that just happened over time.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: So we were doing a little telehealth before COVID happened, although there were all sorts of issues with insurance and it was, you know, sort of accepted, but sort of not, you know, it definitely wasn't mainstream the way it is now, but that was slowly evolving.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: And then the digital platforms were slowly evolving.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: And some people, I don't know, I don't know what kind of pulled me into them because I'm sure there are plenty of people who know they're out there, but they just didn't want to learn them.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: But I just think little by little I just got exposed.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, we were talking earlier about a friend of mine who played such a big role in me making this change, and she had an online business, so she really taught me a lot.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know, she had all the systems like how do you set up a checkup cart, a checkout cart and um, you know, building a website.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: So she had already done it and she taught me a lot.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_02: She gave me the names of all of the platforms that she was using.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: So I basically did.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't really do the research, I just used whatever she told me to use.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: And then over time, some of them I updated as I realized there might have been different ones that could do different things.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I changed over the years, but um, it was really having sort of an unofficial mentor who was a few steps ahead of me who paved the way, made it feel more doable for me, and we did it together.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: And it's always more fun to do things together.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I just found I really enjoyed it.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: I love writing, I'm a really creative person, so I love you know designing the websites and designing programs and Canva, you know, going in and making workbooks for my clients.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: So I've I was surprised to find that I really loved all of use, I loved using all of the other skills in addition to the behavioral change skills that I've had for a long time.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I think that's part of like enjoying the change, right?
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're because you're learning at the same time, like when you're creating all this stuff, your brain is like, whoa, this is awesome.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: What more can I do?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then it really is.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's part of it.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I mean, you know, I mean, better than you and I, like you'll know this for sure.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: Women are great at hesitating when it comes to change, right?
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because I mean, let's face it, change is hard, right?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: What what how do you work through that?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you help them sort of deal with what could be happening and what might happen?
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, like positive and negative, right?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm sure you went through it yourself.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: You could probably bring that into your own, like your clients' work.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: How do you how do you do that?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, we talked about the premise of cognitive behavioral therapy, which is learning more about your thoughts and how impactful your thoughts are in everything.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: So that's the always the first place my brain goes is when you're feeling something, like you're feeling that hesitation.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_02: I always want to know what are you thinking?
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_02: And can we isolate those thoughts?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: Are you having thoughts of this is going to be hard?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to fail, this isn't going to work, I'm going to be a disaster.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: Someone else has already done this.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like all those thoughts can really derail you.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so we have to identify them and then we have to really check them out, get a little distance from them, examine them, decide are they helpful?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: Do we really want to keep these thoughts around, or do we want to turn the volume down on those and turn the volume up on some more helpful thoughts?
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: So that's place number one that I go to is doing some work.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's mindset work, really.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: But the other thing I wanted to make sure we talked about today, which is so relevant with that, uh or relevant to that, is the idea of accountability partners.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I'm sure this concept has been around forever and ever.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_02: I personally really never heard of it until maybe eight or 10 years ago when I really got into the coaching world and the world of personal development.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: But man, do I wish that I knew about it sooner.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: So, for people listening who aren't familiar with this concept, accountability partners are people that you have an agreement with that they're going to serve this role for you, and you basically agree that you're going to share your stated goal with them, what you're working on, and what you attend to do to help you get to that goal.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: And they expect a check-in, they expect some follow-up.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: So you can negotiate what that looks like.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: But it might be something like today, I'm going to, you know, do that one-hour intro video on this new platform.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm going to um, you know, follow steps one through 10 that they say we're going to do in that first one hour video.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: That may be something that's because you don't really know how to do it, it's out of your comfort zone.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: So let's say you and I, you agreed to be my accountability partner.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: I would text you and I would say, Tina, my plan today is I'm going to do that one hour training and I'm going to text you at the end of the day and tell you that I did it.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_02: Well, now that it's out there, and now that I know that you know, I'm going to be more likely to do it because I certainly don't want to text you at the end of the day and yeah, I decided to watch Netflix instead and I didn't get around to it.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to feel like an idiot if I tell you that.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so by preempt, I'm preempting myself basically and making that goal known to you.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: And now that's going to ensure that I'm held accountable to this.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I still use this all the time, even though in general I'm very productive and I'm really disciplined and focused.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: I have my own challenges too, and I get in my own way all the time.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I use accountability partners for my workouts.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: I use it for hard tasks that I know I don't want to do.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_02: And it's really so valuable.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: So my husband, I don't I don't call him an accountability partner at any time, but it you made me think that there's lots of times where he'll be like, So, did you get done what you said you were gonna get done?
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I sit there beside him on the couch and I'm like, You have to remember that now.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why didn't you ask me that at four o'clock when I still had time to finish it?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because now I'm I'm on the couch, I'm parked, I am not moving, and I'm not only part.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: So he's a self-appointed accountability partner.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly, exactly.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I do love that, and I think you know, and I know that for myself, that's why I started putting things into the calendar, like for time blocking, because that was, you know, as a stay-at-home mom, I didn't feel like I needed an accountability partner, as you say.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_01: That was I was being my own accountability partner.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: It was like I need to get this done, right?
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then slowly when I started to like it when it became a habit, right?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: Then I started to go, you know what?
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: If I don't do it, I'm the only one who's gonna be hurt by it, right?
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so now I do have an accountability partner and I use her mostly for work, but I'm like, I I don't have like I can't do that anymore, right?
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like I need to get I need to get things done.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't do like if I don't do it, I'm the one who's gonna hurt because my business will hurt, right?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it I mean it takes practice, right?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: It takes a lot of practice and a lot of you know failures, right, to get there, as you I'm sure.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's the thing about being self-employed, being an entrepreneur, or even having any kind of job where you have a lot of autonomy.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_02: If you don't find a way to make yourself do the things you need to do, the business isn't going to move forward.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_02: And so there's a lot at stake.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot to gain.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_02: Being an entrepreneur is so wonderful, so fun, so exhilarating, but there's a lot at stake.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so you have to find ways to get really good at doing things that don't have a particular date and time that no one else knows about.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: No one else is gonna care if it happens, but you have to find ways to keep yourself accountable, otherwise your business is gonna tank.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: And my husband always says it's not gonna run itself.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: He says that we heard that on big bank theory and he uses it all the time.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: Now, when you're now you're working with, I know you work with just like adults, but I want to talk more about women.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: And so women, because we are creatures of habit, like we were talking about, um, when women want to like reinvent themselves, uh, how do you see habits playing a role in that, especially like later in life?
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because as like I was saying about my mom earlier, right?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like as we get older, right, we get more um I guess stuck in our way is a bet the best way of saying it.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: Cause I think it's more that because if we want to change, we can.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: But how do you handle that?
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I think that's just it.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's the kind of funny paradox, is that the getting stuck in our ways can be something that works against us, or it can be the very thing that works to our advantage.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: So anything that's a habit is going to be easier to do because you don't have to think about it.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, when it's automatic, when it's a habit, you don't get into the whole thought process.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_02: Do I feel like it?
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: Is this the right thing to do?
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: Do I want to do it?
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: Do that, should I do this right now?
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's just what you do.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_02: So you short circuit all of those thoughts that could potentially derail you.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_02: So that can be great.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_02: So let's say, you know, later in life, it's still really important, or as we get older, it's really important to have a daily movement habit because that's going to be really important for our health.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: So um, so if that's just what you do.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: So my mom, for example, is a really uh great role model for this.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: So ever since I can remember, she will tell me that this started early in her 40s, but in my mind, it's ever since I can remember.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: She, that woman, has walked outside every single morning, rain or shine, snow, sleet, hail, ice, she really doesn't care.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_02: She's got all the gear, um, all the various jackets and layers and whatever.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_02: And that is for her sanity.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_02: That is what makes her feel good.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: So she is out there, she doesn't debate, do I feel like going out there today?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: Is the weather good enough?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: It is just what she does.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think that can be so beneficial as we're trying to lock in habits that are going to be good for us, make it automatic so automatic that you don't ever debate it and it just happens on its own.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: Obviously, it's a little harder if you're trying to do something differently.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: So let's say you say like you're trying to change, um, I don't know, what would be something a woman might be trying to change later in life?
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um let's say you're trying to socialize more, like you're trying to expand your social network.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_02: So in the beginning, that's gonna feel hard.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna have to think, well, okay, what are my options?
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what's out there?
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: Where do I want to begin?
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I would start by doing some brainstorming sessions to um to think about, you know, how do you want to pursue this goal?
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_02: And then how can you break that down into daily or weekly action items?
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so let's say you found that there was a group that played um uh, I don't know, some sort of cards or mahjong or whatever it is, and they, you know, and they Play on Fridays, and you thought, well, that would be good.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's a good excuse to get together with people, and then that will build in the socialization that I'm that I know is important for me.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: So you commit to going on Fridays.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: So you put it in your calendar, you time block, and it probably is going to take some effort in the beginning.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: You probably feel a little uncomfortable.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: You don't know these people, maybe you don't know how to play.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_02: So you have to really push yourself to say, nope, you can't debate.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_02: Are you going your this is what you said you were going to do, so you're going to do it.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_02: But if you, and I would also recommend working in some accountability partners if that's something that's hard for you, maybe you find a friend and together you commit to going every Friday.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_02: I would bet a whole lot of money that if you do that for, let's say, 12 weeks in a row, by the time you're done with those 12 weeks, it's going to be baked in.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's Friday morning.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: I go to play Mahjong with my friend Susie.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's just what I do.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even think about it.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: So it's effort for a period of time until it's not, and then it's just what you do.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and it's it it that's very true, right?
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like I wouldn't go by myself unless it's something I already know I want to do, right?
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if I'm like I think it's easier, you know, let's, you know, you call a friend, right?
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: And there's there doesn't have to be a full commitment.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like you you could say to your friend, like, join me, come for two or three times.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: If we like it, we continue.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: And if we don't like it, we don't.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: And if I like it and you don't, you know, there's no obligations.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to stay, or vice versa.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to stay if you want to stay, like, let's just try it for three weeks.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: We have to give it a certain amount of time, right?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: You got to practice, right?
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_01: And my husband and I actually did that with Bridge, right?
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, we wanted we we did it with the purpose of learning the game, but we also thought it would be, you know, more social activity for us, right?
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_01: And because we don't have a lot of, you know, like we know a lot of people, but we don't really hang out with a lot of people.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so we were like, well, let's try it.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, by the end of the nine weeks, I was like, I can't stand the game.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I don't want to play the game.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: I like the people I want, but nobody, everybody was just playing the game.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: There was no social interaction.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I'm done, I'm out.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna happen.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_02: So I would call that a really solid experiment.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_02: You gave it some time and you found I don't like bridge.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_02: So okay, so moving on.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's not gonna be your outlet for socialization.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, exactly.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_02: Another experiment.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: And you need to be, and I think when you create that kind of commitment or promise to yourself, you have to be open to both sides.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_01: I might like it, I might hate it.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like you have to be prepared, right?
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you go in, I mean, unless you really know that you're gonna like it, you just need the opportunity to go, that's different.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: But if you don't know what you're getting into, right, don't fully commit.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: Just, you know, give yourself that part-time commitment where okay, I'll do it for a little while and then we'll see where it goes, right?
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so when um what what advice would you give to women uh who are feeling stuck in their old patterns, but they know they want to create something new?
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: Are you thinking business-wise or personal?
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think just in in in the whole reinvention theme, you know, like could because I mean we're not all creating businesses, right?
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: But some of us want to change our lives in some way.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, I think the term reinvention um can feel a little daunting.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like if I said to you, you know, Tina, I think you need to reinvent yourself.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: You would probably want to throw up and say, like, that's just really big.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I can't do that.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's you know, that's just too overwhelming.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I would definitely say um, I would want to turn label that as something that's gonna feel more doable.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'd like to make some changes in my in my life.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: I'd like to build some better health habits, or I'd like to do a better job of keeping my house clean, or I'd like to socialize more.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_02: So I would I would think about sort of a subheader of what the goal is.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_02: I I can kind of see using the term reinvention more in the rear view mirror.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like, like when you said that to me, like, you know, in 2020, I didn't sit down and say, Carol, you need to reinvent your business.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: It was just sort of, I just took one step in a new direction, and then I took another, and then I took another.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_02: Now in the rear rear view mirror, I can say, I reinvented my career, but you don't necessarily know that that's happening in the moment.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, so I would say break it down into a subheading of a change that you want to make, and then I would spend some time brainstorming what is that gonna look like?
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_02: What are the the actions, daily, weekly, monthly actions that I need to take that over time will get me there.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_02: And then what do I have to have in place in order to make those happen consistently?
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_02: And really try to get as tangible, as concrete, as manageable as possible, small steps, manageable as possible, and just start doing them one after another after another.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_02: And over time, you will find that you're creating the habits, and then over time you will find that you're reinventing.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_02: But I think that's a daunting task to put in front of someone.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: I yeah, now that we say it like that, I have to agree.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I also think as you were saying that, you won't even notice the changes that you're making.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like you'll notice that, oh wow, look at that.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm, you know, exercising every day and I've never done that in all my life, right?
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_01: But all the other changes that come along with it, you won't even notice or feel, right?
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because they happen so naturally.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: The people around you will be like, what is wrong with you?
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: Or what have you done?
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like you look happy again, or you, you know, you're you you have lots of energy.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: You and you won't even look at it until somebody says that to you.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're you'll be like, Oh yeah, it's almost like I've created a new me.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I like that.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, some of us know, like some of us know, like I hear my daughter, she's only 24, mind you, but you know, she'll lots of times she'll be like talking about what she wants to change in her life to make life better.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, we do go into like a reinvention project knowing that's what we're doing.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: But I think, you know, I look at her, and at 24, you don't know what that looks like, right?
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: You don't know.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: Every day you're reinventing yourself.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and I mean, at the same time, like I want to look at her and I say, you know what?
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_01: You have to love yourself for who you are.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, someone else, like everyone else has to learn how to love you for who you are, but they can't do that until you can accept yourself, right?
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_01: So reinvention has so many different levels to it, right?
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, we can't change who we are.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_02: And you make me think of um, so my son is 19.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_02: He just he's about to start his sophomore year at college, and his senior year in high school, our school has this program, it's a senior project.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_02: So instead of going to school for the last six weeks or something, you can do an internship.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: So he did an internship at a wealth management company.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: He knew nothing about it, but he had to get dressed up, you know, head to toe, and act really mature and deal with these adults in a, you know, a business that had a lot of responsibility, a lot of risk.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: It was really important.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that kid changed so much in those six weeks by this one internship.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_02: He emerged a totally different person.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_02: But if we had and if we had said to him, you know, I think you need to reinvent yourself to get yourself ready for a career, like that wouldn't have landed anywhere.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I it would have been really hard to think about the steps.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_02: But just by making this one decision, and he could have chosen not to do the senior project.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_02: He almost didn't, but he made the decision to do it.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_02: He happened to land at this company, they treated him so well, and he just emerged, reinvented.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_02: So you just you just don't realize, like you said, you don't know it's happening until all of a sudden it it happens.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, exactly.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, like I said, I mean, we know that, you know, some of us know that we have to make changes.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: Some people can say, I'm happy with the way my life is, right?
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: So not everybody needs changes, but there's always something, right?
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: There's always something that you can look at and say, you know, let's change this.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_01: So um when we look forward, uh, what do you see uh the next reinvention for yourself?
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like, do you do you see any kind of change coming ahead for you?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_02: Well, funny you should say that.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm sort of moving into the world of empty nesting.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_02: So I have one son in college, I have one still at home, but he's about to get his license and he's out a lot.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's a very new phase for me and for my husband and for my family, where I now have a lot more time on my hands, a lot more freedom.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_02: And it's really strange.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't think it would be, I don't want to say hard, but just significant.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't realize that this transition in life would be so significant.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_02: And it's been a lot of wonderful things.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's a little sad that what was for so many years is no longer, but it's also been great to watch my kids become more independent and to do great things with their life and then to get some time back and um and do more things.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm a really big tennis player, and when they were little, I played, I managed to hang on for to play tennis one day a week.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_02: That was about all I could do for about 12 years.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_02: And then as my kids got a little older, I decided I really want to get better.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_02: And if you want to get better, you have to play more.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I went from playing one day a week to playing four or five days a week.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_02: And now tennis runs my life.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_02: My business runs my life, but tennis also runs my life.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_02: I live for it.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm really excited to move more into that world.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_02: We are now playing on teams and competing and um putting myself in situations I never dreamed I would have been in.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, captaining teams.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like this was never part of the life plan.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, you make, like I said, you make one decision and then another and then another, and then next thing you know, here you are.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm really excited for that part of my life to continue to kind of grow and expand and provide a lot of fun.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm really excited for my business.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_02: So another thing that's happening is my husband and I are partnering together.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_02: So he is in the business world, he is a leadership development consultant.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_02: He's been um a consultant on his own for many years, and there's a lot of overlap with what we do.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_02: So I always say, sort of where I end off as a psychologist, he picks up as a leadership development consultant.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_02: And so we are we've created some programs and we are launching them and working with different clients.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_02: So we've talked about doing this for years and never did, and it's been really fun so far.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm really excited for the two of us to see what we create together over the next couple of years.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, um, you know, the whole like empty nesting part.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's that's a like a section of life, right?
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we all have to go through that at some point.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it's it's so great to see our kids as adults in the world.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's kind of hard, like you said.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's, you know, it's not as easy as you think until it's happening, right?
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and the older they get, the easier it gets, believe me.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_01: I have a 24-year-old that's leaving, you know, he's moving out kind of at the he's been moving out since the end of June.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's been ongoing, right?
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm at the point now where I'm like, are you going?
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because I want your space, right?
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like I want your room back, I want, I want my house back.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's but it is strange.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's a it's a weird feeling, right?
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like your life revolves around them for so long, and then all of a sudden it's like uh you're free.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: Now what?
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I know really bizarre.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I totally get that.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I think you had um you you we were talking about courses and workshops and stuff.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: Do you have anything that you would like to mention to our listeners?
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_02: So um I can't remember if I said this to you before we recorded or not, but I just completed a big redesign of my website.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_02: So everything that I have to offer is now in one place on my website, Carol Perlman.com.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_02: And a great place to start is with a free guide that I have there.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's called Morning Momentum, and it's a guide to help you create a morning routine that will set you up for success for the whole day.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_02: So it helps you get your body and your mind into a positive place, helps you to get focused, feel awake and ready to go and ready to really thrive in your day.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I walk you through the whole step, the whole process, and that's for free.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_02: So you'll find it on the website under online courses.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_02: And it's a great place to start to just kind of work on some new habits.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_02: Sleep is really critical.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: Everything kind of trickle trickles down from our sleep routines.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_02: So that's a great place to start.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_02: And then I kind of have a succession of programs.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if you want to dive into deeper and deeper work, so there I have a seven-day productivity mini course, and then I have my signature 21-day program to um work on all sorts of time management and health habits, and then there's always one-on-one coaching that I'm available for.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_02: So it's all on the website, but the the free program Morning Momentum is a great place to start.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think I might actually look into that for myself because you know I struggle with my morning routine.
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_01: As much as I love it, it's a struggle, right?
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm like some days I just don't want to do it.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's not easy.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it's not easy.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a recovering snooze to the last minute person, believe it or not.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_02: So I get it.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, yeah, I get it.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then now I've even shut my snooze off.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_01: I just shut it off, like I shut the alarm off, and then I'm like, oh my god, it's time to get up.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, now you really have to.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you so much for joining me today.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: This has been awesome.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_01: I love learning about how the brain works and talking about habits and all the things.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_01: So this was really awesome.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much, Tina, for having me today.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_02: This was so much fun.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_02: I really appreciate it.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for listening to Confidence in Bloom, where we celebrate the amazing, brilliant, and beautiful woman you already are.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: This season of Shift is your invitation to rise, reinvent, and reconnect with the woman you're becoming.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need to look like a movie star or a supermodel.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: Spoiler alert, they don't even look like that.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: You are already enough, worthy of love, success, and a life that feels as good as it looks.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_01: We give so much love to everyone else.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's time to pour some of that love back into you.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: If you're ready to reclaim your confidence and step into your next chapter, I'm offering personalized coaching, three focus sessions to help you build unshakable confidence, define your personal brand, and create a signature style that reflects who you truly are.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_01: Because she comes in every shape and size, and reinvention has no expiration date.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: Want to be a guest here on Confidence in Bloom?
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_01: Let's connect.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: Find me on Instagram at Infobloom Styling, email Tina at Infobloomstyling.com, or visit the Divas That Care Network website.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, keep blooming, boldly and confidently.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_00: This show was brought to you by Divas That Care.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: Connect with us on Facebook, on Instagram, and of course on divas that care.com, where you can subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss a thing.