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SEASON 2 DA CREW PODCAST_ EPISODE _177_ HOST BLAQUE DIAMOND · DA CREW Podcast

0:32
Speaker 1: A pursing her sidney.
0:37
Speaker 2: All things it was they do to be?
0:42
Speaker 1: Where did all the blue skies?
0:45
Speaker 2: But boys in his sty bloats from the north and
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Speaker 2: something one person he sings.
0:58
Speaker 1: All things and was.
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Speaker 3: There At Wings of Transformation Publishing, we are committed to
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Speaker 3: helping our authors reach their goals and pursue their dreams
1:12
Speaker 3: of becoming published authors. We work closely with each author
1:16
Speaker 3: to ensure a successful publishing experience, and we are dedicated
1:20
Speaker 3: to helping them tell their stories in the most meaningful
1:24
Speaker 3: and impactful ways. We look forward to putting you on
1:27
Speaker 3: the path to writing your book.
1:33
Speaker 2: Aspiring Authors Magazine is a founding sponsor for doc cru podcast.
1:38
Speaker 2: Get featured inside the magazine and allow your voice to
1:42
Speaker 2: be heard around the world.
1:44
Speaker 4: Aspiring Authors Magazine is an international magazine founded in May
1:47
Speaker 4: of twenty twenty by Queen Angela.
1:49
Speaker 2: Get featured, heyyay, and welcome to another episode of the podcast.
1:57
Speaker 2: I am your visionary Queen Angela. And if you are
2:00
Speaker 2: a diva that's looking to amplify your voice and you're
2:04
Speaker 2: looking for a whole we have for you.
2:09
Speaker 1: Come on over and join Dim Diva. Up yeahweight and.
2:13
Speaker 2: Amplify your voice. Basic Black after Dark, that all new
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Speaker 2: podcast show with.
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Speaker 1: Your host, Black Diamond.
3:14
Speaker 2: Hey everybody, this is Black Diamond from the Crew Network.
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Speaker 2: You're listening to Basic Black after Dark podcast to show
3:21
Speaker 2: that meets you where you are and gives you what
3:23
Speaker 2: you ask for. Now, how many of you are going
3:27
Speaker 2: through it? I mean really going through it? I have
3:31
Speaker 2: going through it and think that you're the only one
3:33
Speaker 2: who is going through it. Well, it's common to feel
3:35
Speaker 2: isolated in our struggles, as if we're the only ones
3:39
Speaker 2: experience certain challenges. However, many people go through similar situations
3:45
Speaker 2: and they can be assuring and reassuring to know that
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Speaker 2: you're not alone. The night's guest has written all about
3:51
Speaker 2: going through Please welcome Cynthia Spencer, author of Going Through
3:57
Speaker 2: to Basic Black after Dark. Hi everyone, Hi, how are you?
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Speaker 4: I am doing fine? Thanks for having me on this
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Speaker 4: platform tonight. Very grateful.
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Speaker 2: Now, I'm grateful and so pleased to have you on here,
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Speaker 2: and I can't wait to get into the subject of
4:17
Speaker 2: going through. Before we delve into your book Going Through It,
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Speaker 2: I want to discuss mental health and addictions. You are
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Speaker 2: more than a minister, an author, garit you counselor motivational
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Speaker 2: social work A license to work at that life coach. Yes,
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Speaker 2: and you have a concentration in mental health and addictions.
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Speaker 4: Yes.
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Speaker 2: What is the impact on help seeking because it's so
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Speaker 2: hard for some people help.
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Speaker 4: Okay, I'm sorry. The impact on health seeking is shame. First,
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Speaker 4: we're going to back up all of those things that
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Speaker 4: you say that I am. I appreciate that, but it
5:04
Speaker 4: did not keep me from going through see those titles.
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Speaker 4: Anything you possess, the money you hold in your hand,
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Speaker 4: the houses that you live in, it does not keep
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Speaker 4: you from going through even mental challenges. Sometimes you know,
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Speaker 4: you get sad, you could possibly get depressed if you
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Speaker 4: don't catch it, you know, before it gets to a spot.
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Speaker 4: I've been there before. So and one of the things
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Speaker 4: that I think that prevents people from seeking help is shame,
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Speaker 4: the stigma, especially in the African American culture. You know,
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Speaker 4: we remember that thing that our mothers used to say,
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Speaker 4: what happens here in this house stays in this house.
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Speaker 4: So everyone just walked around in the house just crazy,
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Speaker 4: and no one talked about anything. And that's what keeps
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Speaker 4: everyone from seeking help. Shame.
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Speaker 2: And it's funny that it's really really well, it's ironic,
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Speaker 2: not funny. How how funny. It's ironic that you mentioned
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Speaker 2: just that about what happens in this house stays in
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Speaker 2: this house, because I've written a book on in my
6:14
Speaker 2: Mother's House about the things that happened in the house.
6:16
Speaker 2: So I say it's ironic that you say that, because yes,
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Speaker 2: I grew up with that saying that what happens in
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Speaker 2: this house stays in this house. But sometimes that might
6:26
Speaker 2: not help everyone because you may have a child, and
6:29
Speaker 2: I'm going a little bit off a subject, but you
6:31
Speaker 2: may have a child that's being abused in a home
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Speaker 2: and when they're told what happens in the house stays now,
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Speaker 2: they don't tell right, So that that becomes a problem.
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Speaker 2: So I think families should make it clear of what
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Speaker 2: they mean when they say what happens in this house
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Speaker 2: stays in this house, and make it clear to this
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Speaker 2: child that it's okay to talk to mommy or daddy
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Speaker 2: or or to teacher or whoever that something made you uncomfortable, Yes,
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Speaker 2: that maybe you were tampered with or something like that.
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Speaker 2: So I'm going to come back on to our subject.
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Speaker 2: But yeah, it was just so ironic that you had
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Speaker 2: mentioned it. So trauma in a sense like that trauma
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Speaker 2: can lead to difficulties and trusting professionals, making it harder
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Speaker 2: to engage therapeutic relationships. But individuals with trauma, they may
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Speaker 2: find a challenge in the sea cup through the fear
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Speaker 2: of reliving the pain and experiences. How do you help
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Speaker 2: them one trust you and two trust themselves.
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Speaker 4: You know, my counseling is a little bit different from
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Speaker 4: everyone else's counseling the way they taught us in school.
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Speaker 4: I do believe that you have to do a little
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Speaker 4: disclose to let your client know that you too have
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Speaker 4: experienced some things and that you know you made it
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Speaker 4: through and they can make it through. Because it's hard.
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Speaker 4: Once you experience trauma, you go inwork, you don't want
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Speaker 4: to trust anyone. So I believe that therapists it's okay
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Speaker 4: to disclose, not get a friendship with you know, the relationship,
8:08
Speaker 4: but they need to know that they can identify with
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Speaker 4: something that you've been through or you know, experienced.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, that you're real you know, building that that that
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Speaker 2: that bond. You know, you have individuals that are substance users,
8:26
Speaker 2: but they wind up being counselors and that's because they've
8:30
Speaker 2: gone through it. Absolutely as a as a social worker,
8:34
Speaker 2: and I'm a social worker as well. Okay, it's sometimes
8:37
Speaker 2: and to understand what you're talking about. It can be
8:41
Speaker 2: difficult when you have a client and you may have
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Speaker 2: experienced it because you have to be careful of transference
8:47
Speaker 2: and counter transference, and some people go a little bit
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Speaker 2: too far with it. But you have to know the
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Speaker 2: difference in that, and some people just don't, so I
8:55
Speaker 2: guess that's the reason why they put that rule in
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Speaker 2: there for us to follow. You know, I'm not saying
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Speaker 2: it's not a good one, but some people just go
9:07
Speaker 2: above and beyond sharing information. Some information should not be shpited,
9:12
Speaker 2: and they don't know at what point should they not share,
9:16
Speaker 2: so that that becomes an issue. So I definitely get that. Yes,
9:19
Speaker 2: some might develop Yeah, go ahead, good, No, I.
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Speaker 4: Was saying, I do understand why they put it in
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Speaker 4: the book, and you shouldn't share some things. But like
9:30
Speaker 4: I've never done drugs, I've never done alcohol, but I
9:33
Speaker 4: have had a food addiction, and I in order for
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Speaker 4: me to identify with clients that does have the drug
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Speaker 4: and the alcohol problem, I let them know that eating
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Speaker 4: addiction is a sister, it's related to your addiction. Just
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Speaker 4: to let them. Know, I understand what you're going through
9:53
Speaker 4: because we have to make these people feel comfortable when
9:55
Speaker 4: they come, not judged, you know, not judged. So with
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Speaker 4: me being a recovering, compulsive overeater, I think that's important
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Speaker 4: to share. And I don't think that that's you know,
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Speaker 4: disclosing too much, just basically giving them.
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Speaker 2: I think we're all in recovery from something. Yeah, we
10:19
Speaker 2: are in recovery for something. Some people own a minute,
10:26
Speaker 2: I want to chopoholic. I was talking to one of
10:29
Speaker 2: my partcasts this is a while ago, about me with
10:32
Speaker 2: my tea and my sugar. Yeah, I just got to
10:35
Speaker 2: have a certain amount of package. I gotta tell them
10:38
Speaker 2: specifically because I know how sweet I need it. So
10:40
Speaker 2: we're all in recovery. You know, it's just that some
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Speaker 2: people with the stigma, as you say, and we all
10:48
Speaker 2: know that there's a stigma that isolates people from from
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Speaker 2: family and friends and society when there's certain kinds of
11:00
Speaker 2: of addictions. You know, some people may deal with somebody
11:05
Speaker 2: that's that's a gambler, but they won't deal with alcoholic right,
11:09
Speaker 2: you know, you still have an addiction. You know, you
11:12
Speaker 2: still can lose your family over that. You can lose
11:14
Speaker 2: your home. Yes, you know, so it's it's hard, you know,
11:19
Speaker 2: some might it's yeah, it's it's unbelievable with the way
11:24
Speaker 2: people look at stigmas and how one stigma is okay,
11:31
Speaker 2: but on one it's not. Some might development adaptive coping
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Speaker 2: strategies like avoidance or substance use, which can hinder their
11:39
Speaker 2: willingness to pursue help. What coping mechanisms would be best,
11:43
Speaker 2: would be most beneficial.
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Speaker 4: You know, when I was in school and I did
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Speaker 4: a paper, I had created this whole plan on addictions,
11:52
Speaker 4: and after doing the study, what I would do or
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Speaker 4: what I do suggest to some of my counsel for
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Speaker 4: maladaptive techniques. I always start on with the exercise regimen,
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Speaker 4: because what happens, even if they just go out for
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Speaker 4: a little fifteen minute walk, a ten minute walk, a
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Speaker 4: thirty minute walk, it is something about that natural endorphins
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Speaker 4: that's being replaced, because what happens is that they're depending
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Speaker 4: on that substance to do what naturally exercise could do.
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Speaker 4: Or always just encourage them just a fifteen minute walk
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Speaker 4: or ten minute walk just to replace that that I
12:37
Speaker 4: was getting ready. I can't think of the thing that's
12:39
Speaker 4: in the brain. But yeah, to replace it releases endorphins
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Speaker 4: and that would help. That is ad with anything. It
12:48
Speaker 4: doesn't matter what they're coming to counseling. That is the
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Speaker 4: first thing that I ask. Are they doing some type
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Speaker 4: of exercise? And I do it for myself. I am
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Speaker 4: that counselor who only the research has not been putting
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Speaker 4: in a book yet. But I do my own research,
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Speaker 4: so I do it all myself. I know, just a
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Speaker 4: brisk fifteen to twenty minute walk every morning just helps
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Speaker 4: me with mindful just opens up the mind. So I
13:16
Speaker 4: often encourage all of the councils to get back to
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Speaker 4: the basic things instead of finding coping mechanisms to help
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Speaker 4: us cope.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. One individual told me about just walking barefoot in
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Speaker 2: the grass. Yeah, and I said, that's great if that's
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Speaker 2: what the person wants to do. But I'm allergic to grass.
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Speaker 2: So what I said, I just decided I was going
13:42
Speaker 2: to do was go into like a home depot and
13:46
Speaker 2: you know they got that fake grass, Yes, just put
13:50
Speaker 2: it down and just let my free go through that.
13:52
Speaker 2: I can do that. I can't go through the grass,
13:55
Speaker 2: So that's why I don't go and picnics or anything
13:57
Speaker 2: like that because it's just so much grass. But I
13:59
Speaker 2: can get that little sheet, put my feet on that
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Speaker 2: and just go through that and just hopefully you don't
14:03
Speaker 2: have the same feeling as the actual natural grass. So yeah,
14:08
Speaker 2: that's something that I can try. You know, there's a
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Speaker 2: pervasive fear that see can help lead to being labeled
14:14
Speaker 2: or marginalized. Reasons why some individuals do not seek help. Now.
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Speaker 2: I know labels begin and they did begin at a
14:21
Speaker 2: young age with our children, mostly all males who are
14:25
Speaker 2: labeled with ADHD. What do these labels due to a
14:29
Speaker 2: child navigating through school and how can we as parents
14:34
Speaker 2: in a society and teachers help them?
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Speaker 4: That is an awesome question. First off, everybody wants to
14:45
Speaker 4: be cool, right, Nobody wants to be labeled with anything.
14:49
Speaker 4: And I think children know or sense they're different or
14:54
Speaker 4: something is wrong. I know for me with my children,
14:59
Speaker 4: what I I did is I shared things that I
15:02
Speaker 4: went through with as a kid. I talked about mental
15:06
Speaker 4: illness way before I went back to college because I
15:09
Speaker 4: knew it was nine of us in the home and
15:12
Speaker 4: we were a little cray you know, it was some
15:14
Speaker 4: stuff going on in the home. That always it was
15:19
Speaker 4: some stuff going on in the home that you just
15:22
Speaker 4: knew what and't right. And that's some of the things
15:25
Speaker 4: that God has shown me, you know, honest stuff, even
15:30
Speaker 4: times when I was depressed as a kid because we
15:34
Speaker 4: had a great mother and she did the best that
15:37
Speaker 4: she could. But back then, what parents wanted to do
15:40
Speaker 4: was make sure you were fed, make sure you were clean,
15:43
Speaker 4: make sure you had a roof over your head. They
15:45
Speaker 4: didn't know how to help you deal with the soul things,
15:49
Speaker 4: your emotions. Or if I came home and said someone
15:52
Speaker 4: called me fat, you know, I had to deal with
15:55
Speaker 4: that by myself. And how did I cope? I started
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Speaker 4: with the eating.
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Speaker 1: Oh.
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Speaker 4: I say that parents should really sit down and talk
16:03
Speaker 4: to their children about mental illness, especially today. We have
16:07
Speaker 4: no excuse. You have stars now talking about they were depressed.
16:12
Speaker 4: You have the young lady who was the gymnast who
16:16
Speaker 4: was saying how depressed she was. So it's coming cool
16:20
Speaker 4: to talk about mental illness. So this is the opportune
16:23
Speaker 4: time to take advantage of that. A lot of basketball players,
16:27
Speaker 4: football players, everybody's talking about it. I just think they
16:32
Speaker 4: parents need to really sit down and talk about it
16:37
Speaker 4: and share some of their experiences because we all go
16:40
Speaker 4: through stuff, and you know we're not We're human, and
16:45
Speaker 4: it's okay for a parent to tell their children. I
16:48
Speaker 4: have grown children now, and I let them know, well,
16:50
Speaker 4: I really had a bad day today. I had to
16:52
Speaker 4: stop in journal or I had to just stop and meditate.
16:56
Speaker 4: I bring it to the table so we could talk
16:59
Speaker 4: about it. So then then know, oh, mom had it.
17:01
Speaker 4: Oh I got this going on too. Let me see
17:03
Speaker 4: what she did for this instead of picking up alcohol
17:06
Speaker 4: or drugs or we just have to talk about it.
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Speaker 2: The generational thing. But you have some parents who don't
17:16
Speaker 2: talk about it because they're still going through it, yes,
17:18
Speaker 2: and they never got over it, so it becomes harder
17:21
Speaker 2: for them when their children are going through it because
17:24
Speaker 2: they never got the help. And you can just keep
17:27
Speaker 2: going back and keep going back, you know. They at
17:30
Speaker 2: one time they used to call it and I'll get
17:32
Speaker 2: off for this subject too. They used to say that
17:34
Speaker 2: the person would see now back then, but now they
17:37
Speaker 2: have another name for it, and it's called dementia, you know,
17:41
Speaker 2: or Alzheimer's you know. So it's always been there. Mental
17:45
Speaker 2: health has always been there. It's just that some people
17:48
Speaker 2: want the bucks to give it a name, to give
17:51
Speaker 2: it a label, you know, and then start having scientists,
17:55
Speaker 2: which we want to get into psychology and religion and
17:58
Speaker 2: everything a little later, have them come up with something else,
18:02
Speaker 2: come up with something else, come up with something else.
18:05
Speaker 2: And we've been talking about ADHD. Syntector was a pup. Yes,
18:10
Speaker 2: you just keep medicating, medicating, medicating and whatnot. And then
18:14
Speaker 2: at some point in time they have had so much
18:16
Speaker 2: medication's built up in this system that they're not children anymore.
18:20
Speaker 2: They're adults, and they're are adults with ADHD, but they
18:24
Speaker 2: have cold occurring problems.
18:27
Speaker 4: Absolutely, they do, you know.
18:30
Speaker 2: And one of the things that I know is the
18:32
Speaker 2: cognitive behavioral therapy, which is the CBT. It's highly it's
18:37
Speaker 2: a highly effective treatment for generalized anxiety disorder, which is DAD,
18:41
Speaker 2: and it can also be beneficial for individuals dealing with trauma.
18:45
Speaker 2: How does CBT cognitive behavioral therapy work for identifying triggers
18:53
Speaker 2: because sometimes anything can trigger person.
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Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely so. CBT is one of the greatest things
19:01
Speaker 4: or tools that use inside of CBT as journaling. Right, So,
19:05
Speaker 4: a patient who comes in with generalized anxiety or depression,
19:11
Speaker 4: it's usually what they're thinking that's causing their behavior and
19:14
Speaker 4: how they act. So what we do use social worker
19:18
Speaker 4: We give them assignments when they lead, and every time
19:22
Speaker 4: a negative thought come, they are to journal that thought
19:25
Speaker 4: and then that's how they can once they come back
19:28
Speaker 4: to the next counseling session, we go through those negative
19:32
Speaker 4: thoughts and we'll determine what triggered them at that time,
19:37
Speaker 4: and then we'll give them coping skills on how to
19:40
Speaker 4: deal with the trigger the next time it comes. So
19:43
Speaker 4: journaling is the key point of CBT therapy.
19:48
Speaker 2: So what are the benefits of the CBT for trauma?
19:52
Speaker 4: Trauma something that has happened prior to they have to
19:57
Speaker 4: talk about it. A lot of people don't want to
19:59
Speaker 4: talk trauma, but it helps releases stress in their lives.
20:05
Speaker 4: It helps them with coping mechanismism, it helps them with
20:10
Speaker 4: social skills because trauma just basically I call it, put
20:14
Speaker 4: you in jail and binds you up. So it just
20:17
Speaker 4: frees you and releases you. And a lot of people
20:21
Speaker 4: don't like to talk about it because it is disheartening
20:25
Speaker 4: to talk about. You know, it is as Elanya say,
20:29
Speaker 4: go back and do your homework. It is hard when
20:32
Speaker 4: I had to go back and do my homework and
20:35
Speaker 4: you know. As much as I love my mom, you
20:38
Speaker 4: know there was things that I couldn't be in denial anymore.
20:42
Speaker 4: You know, this happened. She didn't do anything bad or anything,
20:45
Speaker 4: but she did not she herself had mental illness like OCD.
20:49
Speaker 4: Her thing was just keep my house clean, keep my
20:52
Speaker 4: house clean, and we had to stay clean. All the
20:55
Speaker 4: things she was doing in her mind were good. We
20:58
Speaker 4: had to take two baths a damn And I'm like,
21:00
Speaker 4: why do I have to take two baths today? Or
21:02
Speaker 4: getting a spanking for getting dirty. It's like I don't
21:06
Speaker 4: want to wear no clothes then if I'm gonna get
21:08
Speaker 4: a spanking from being dirty. Yeah, that's the way she
21:13
Speaker 4: dealt with her trauma was to keep us so clean
21:16
Speaker 4: and so perfect. And it was hard to talk about
21:20
Speaker 4: those things. So I had to go back and journal
21:23
Speaker 4: that and do my own homework and be able to
21:26
Speaker 4: forgive and understand and not let that psycho continue on
21:31
Speaker 4: to the next generation.
21:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was something that I used to talk to
21:36
Speaker 2: people about. It was a program that I had, and
21:39
Speaker 2: I think I stopped it around COVID time called Unpack
21:42
Speaker 2: Your Mindfulness, where they would unpack all of that and
21:46
Speaker 2: I'm going to try to get back into it. But
21:48
Speaker 2: I had to go through that myself. See I'm saying
21:52
Speaker 2: go through. I go through myself in order to do
21:55
Speaker 2: not that it worked, but I understood it and I
21:58
Speaker 2: understood where I was at, so I was able to
22:01
Speaker 2: do that. You know. I would just sit and say,
22:03
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna unpack my mind. And I said, oh,
22:04
Speaker 2: I unpack my mindfulness. And then I had these little
22:07
Speaker 2: suitcases we had had all the stuff inside of it.
22:09
Speaker 2: So I'm going to be picking that back up again
22:12
Speaker 2: sometime next year because I still need to unpack some stuff.
22:17
Speaker 1: We all.
22:18
Speaker 2: I have been doing a good job, I think with that.
22:20
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna pack myself and do as the kids do.
22:24
Speaker 2: One of those little things. But mental health and addiction
22:29
Speaker 2: are closely interconnected, often referred to as a duo diagnosis
22:34
Speaker 2: or co ocurrent disorders, which I mentioned a little earlier.
22:37
Speaker 2: So what is their relationship and implication for treatment.
22:43
Speaker 4: One of the most important things is I think that
22:46
Speaker 4: people should seek help early, especially, like we said, the
22:50
Speaker 4: young boys the young girls, preferably boys, because you see
22:53
Speaker 4: more mental illness. Studies has shown that there's more mental
22:56
Speaker 4: illness and boys. Unless you seek help early, get a diagnosis,
23:02
Speaker 4: and learn how to treat that diagnosis. Then sometimes it's misdiagnosed,
23:08
Speaker 4: and usually that person starts using drugs because they don't
23:13
Speaker 4: know how to share what's going on with them. But
23:15
Speaker 4: then the weed and the alcohol helps to calm down.
23:20
Speaker 4: Sometimes it could be they're hearing things in their head
23:24
Speaker 4: and when you start taking alcohol and drugs, it helps
23:27
Speaker 4: to calm that down inside of their heads. So one
23:31
Speaker 4: of the best things that you could do is seek
23:33
Speaker 4: early treatment as soon as possible.
23:39
Speaker 2: One thing that I noticed, well, either that I've heard
23:42
Speaker 2: and that had been in the news, and some people
23:45
Speaker 2: will deny it. I wasn't there many others. Weren't there
23:49
Speaker 2: that some doctors are treating certain people because certain people
23:56
Speaker 2: have money to be able to afford the medication, I'll say,
24:02
Speaker 2: and they continue to give it to them and give
24:04
Speaker 2: it to them and give it to them without even
24:06
Speaker 2: looking at your weight is different, your mindset is different.
24:13
Speaker 2: The medication. We need to change that dosage. But as
24:16
Speaker 2: long as that money keeps coming to them, they keep
24:19
Speaker 2: increasing and giving it to them, and then this person
24:22
Speaker 2: winds up with people wind up passing away because a
24:26
Speaker 2: doctor someone we're supposed to trust that took an oath
24:32
Speaker 2: giving it to you. You have some people who where
24:35
Speaker 2: they may have been an accident and they were given
24:38
Speaker 2: certain medication just to help them through that time, but
24:44
Speaker 2: the doctor will continue to give it to them and
24:46
Speaker 2: they become addicted to it. So I think that we
24:49
Speaker 2: need to hold them responsible for a lot of stuff too,
24:53
Speaker 2: instead of just the person, because the person wants you
24:55
Speaker 2: to seek help, and this is how you help them.
25:00
Speaker 2: Surrounding mental health support have been pervasive for years, but
25:04
Speaker 2: are they gradually lessening as awareness increases.
25:07
Speaker 4: Yes, you know what, I think the more that we're
25:14
Speaker 4: starting to talk about it, I think people are getting
25:16
Speaker 4: seeking more help. Now. I want to Can we just
25:20
Speaker 4: go back just a little bit on the ADHD with
25:23
Speaker 4: in Boys and Girls, We're gonna We're not gonna single
25:26
Speaker 4: one out. You know, it had became popular when people
25:29
Speaker 4: started talking about ADHD and then everybody. One of the
25:32
Speaker 4: pet peeves that I have is that everyone was running
25:36
Speaker 4: then and you know, said that their child had a problem.
25:38
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's just the structure of the home.
25:41
Speaker 2: I believe.
25:42
Speaker 4: I believe some people do have ADHD, and I believe
25:46
Speaker 4: some children just need more structure where their mind is
25:51
Speaker 4: like me, I need more structure. I cannot imagine when
25:54
Speaker 4: my children were young. I'll give you an example that's
25:56
Speaker 4: better for me, my younger son. You know, I would
26:00
Speaker 4: You know how, Mom, you get home from work, you
26:01
Speaker 4: have to hurry up and cook, then you have to
26:03
Speaker 4: go take them to baseball practice. You have to do this,
26:05
Speaker 4: And I remember my son told me one day, Mom,
26:07
Speaker 4: I just stopped. It was too much stimulation for him.
26:13
Speaker 4: He didn't need any adh medication. He just needed more structure.
26:19
Speaker 4: He wasn't able to go and move the way we moved.
26:22
Speaker 4: He just needed to come home, do his homework and
26:25
Speaker 4: do more structure. So I think we need to be
26:28
Speaker 4: more in tune to that to really do a fully
26:31
Speaker 4: assessment before we just throw kids on medication for it.
26:40
Speaker 2: I'm so happy that you said that because a lot
26:42
Speaker 2: of the schools are saying that these children have ADHD
26:47
Speaker 2: and their teachers saying it. Now. I understand you have
26:51
Speaker 2: a degree to educate, but you're gonna have a degree
26:55
Speaker 2: as a doctor to label this child, saying this child
26:58
Speaker 2: has ADHD because the little hype heir little hypy. Did
27:02
Speaker 2: you ever think that that child may be autistic? Did
27:05
Speaker 2: you ever think that there could be something else. But
27:07
Speaker 2: because you know ADHD as a term that we use
27:12
Speaker 2: when it's associated with school, and then you throw in
27:14
Speaker 2: the fivele fours and the IEPs, right, and we know
27:17
Speaker 2: money is behind it. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna
27:19
Speaker 2: go ahead and say that it's not money is behind it.
27:22
Speaker 2: You know, you have bringing in specialists in your school,
27:26
Speaker 2: taking them in an office so they can see this
27:27
Speaker 2: child because you labeled the child staying the child of ADHD,
27:31
Speaker 2: and the parent is going along with it because sometimes
27:34
Speaker 2: the parents don't want to go see the psychiatrist or
27:36
Speaker 2: the therapist. But the schools have to be held responsible
27:39
Speaker 2: to They try to hold the parents responsible too. But
27:41
Speaker 2: you have to look at the entire picture of what
27:44
Speaker 2: could be going on with this child. They're in your
27:46
Speaker 2: class and they're what I would say, acting out or
27:50
Speaker 2: having behaviors I'll keep it professional, having behaviors. You as
27:54
Speaker 2: the teacher, were you trained to deal with that behavior
27:58
Speaker 2: or were you educated to educate? See there's a problem.
28:02
Speaker 2: Then when you can't do it and and this child
28:05
Speaker 2: is having a behavior, maybe they're having to behavior because
28:08
Speaker 2: something triggered it.
28:09
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.
28:10
Speaker 2: You can't keep your eyes on all thirty kids. That's right.
28:14
Speaker 2: Something someone It could be. It could be just something
28:16
Speaker 2: in the air. It could have triggered it. It could
28:19
Speaker 2: be the pencil that they're holding that triggered it. It
28:22
Speaker 2: could be their seat, it could be the sweater that
28:23
Speaker 2: they have on. Anything.
28:25
Speaker 4: The first thing you go to it should be anything
28:28
Speaker 4: that could be being bullied, any anything, trauma at home.
28:32
Speaker 4: But they just want, you know, they just want to see.
28:35
Speaker 2: When there's something at home. They dig in. They dig in.
28:38
Speaker 2: You know, we know its social workers. I ain't gonna
28:40
Speaker 2: try to go down that route, but we know how
28:41
Speaker 2: they dig in. I'm gonna make a statement, but it's
28:45
Speaker 2: not how I feel. It's something that is believed by
28:48
Speaker 2: some and ignored by others. That's right. Thinking therapy is
28:52
Speaker 2: only for crazy people? What is the stigma behind that?
28:57
Speaker 2: What is the impact and how do we as a
29:00
Speaker 2: society break the stigma or can we break the stigma back?
29:05
Speaker 4: You know, I don't think that no one wants to
29:08
Speaker 4: be crazy, And that's how we used We used to
29:12
Speaker 4: call it crazy. We didn't call it mental illness. And
29:16
Speaker 4: I remember just being a little girl when you just
29:19
Speaker 4: knew every home had somebody that we called crazy, you know,
29:24
Speaker 4: and they just pulled yes. And just now I'll be
29:30
Speaker 4: asking what happened to so and so, because now I
29:33
Speaker 4: knew that he had a mental illness, but no one
29:36
Speaker 4: talked about it. But you know, they would just walk
29:39
Speaker 4: the neighborhood. And of course if we labeled that crazy,
29:43
Speaker 4: and that's what crazy looked like. No one wanted to
29:46
Speaker 4: be like that. But in this world, we're all going
29:51
Speaker 4: to experience something that makes us feel like we're crazy.
29:55
Speaker 4: And I believe that we all are going to need
29:58
Speaker 4: a counselor or some court group or someone that could
30:02
Speaker 4: help us get through it because we just can't do
30:05
Speaker 4: it alone. Of course, we know that we have got
30:08
Speaker 4: because I'm a minister first, but we also need counselors.
30:12
Speaker 4: We need people. God put those people in place to
30:15
Speaker 4: be able to help people go through what they're going through.
30:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, now we spoke about trauma, addictions, mental health, CBT,
30:27
Speaker 2: cognitive behavior therapy. Tell me about better Tomorrow counseling.
30:32
Speaker 4: Better Tomorrow counseling as a counseling service to help meet
30:37
Speaker 4: anyone where they're at. Better Tomorrow counseling. We know that
30:43
Speaker 4: people are going to come in feeling feeling probably at
30:47
Speaker 4: their lords. Usually when people are coming for counseling, it's
30:49
Speaker 4: either someone who's referred to by the courts or someone
30:53
Speaker 4: who's really at their loss. So Better Tomorrow is where
30:56
Speaker 4: we bring them in, start a treatment plan for them
31:00
Speaker 4: and try to get them to a place where they
31:03
Speaker 4: could start coping in life to have better Tomorrow's. They're
31:06
Speaker 4: gonna come in today as this, but they're gonna look
31:10
Speaker 4: forward to better tomorrow with them schedulings that it goals
31:14
Speaker 4: for themselves, because we're just we're the therapist, but the
31:18
Speaker 4: client really does the work for themselves, right. It is
31:21
Speaker 4: not our job to do their work, but we're there
31:24
Speaker 4: to make them feel like they're not crazy. We validate
31:28
Speaker 4: their feelings and we let them know what's possible if
31:32
Speaker 4: they take the right steps, and we just help them
31:35
Speaker 4: set the goals that they said that they can obtain.
31:39
Speaker 4: So that's what better Tomorrow counseling is.
31:41
Speaker 2: It believes that if they want to change, wow, well
31:47
Speaker 2: we're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
31:50
Speaker 2: we're going to talk about.
31:51
Speaker 4: Your book going okay, okay, thank you.
31:58
Speaker 2: The same thing refer clients and to what grew like
32:01
Speaker 2: AA or Oha answer that question when we come back.
32:05
Speaker 2: Thank you, Sandy. Oh well, I was trying to get
32:16
Speaker 2: to this commercial. Maybe you can answer that question now.
32:18
Speaker 2: Sandy asks the Cynthia refer clients to support groups like
32:23
Speaker 2: AA or o A.
32:26
Speaker 4: Absolutely definitely yes, if I could, I would refer everybody
32:30
Speaker 4: to an AA program or OA program. It's just the
32:34
Speaker 4: twelve steps of recovery. And because I've used it myself
32:38
Speaker 4: with food, I highly recommend it to everyone who is
32:42
Speaker 4: struggling with something.
32:45
Speaker 2: Okay, I was so into the conversation with Cynthia. If
32:50
Speaker 2: you had a question posted on them, so sorry I missed.
32:52
Speaker 2: If you reposted, I'll definitely get to her, get to
32:55
Speaker 2: your question and ask her her the question for you.
32:59
Speaker 2: So we're going to just continue to move on with
33:03
Speaker 2: this going through. What is the meaning behind going through?
33:08
Speaker 4: Oh boy, that's such a large such a short title,
33:12
Speaker 4: but such a big impact. Going through. Like we've talked about,
33:17
Speaker 4: people get stuck in the middle. We're all going to
33:20
Speaker 4: go through something we will never get away from it
33:23
Speaker 4: as long as we're on this earth. Whether it's a divorce,
33:27
Speaker 4: whether it's a loss of a parent, a child, a relationship,
33:31
Speaker 4: a job, any type of loss, people now are losing
33:36
Speaker 4: it in the halfway mark. And because I'm a minister
33:40
Speaker 4: on one end and a therapist on the other end,
33:42
Speaker 4: I get to see them both. So the Christians are
33:45
Speaker 4: stopping in the middle just as well as the other
33:47
Speaker 4: people are stopping in the middle. So I wanted to
33:50
Speaker 4: make a tool to help the person get through, not
33:54
Speaker 4: just get through, but be better. Have you ever heard
33:57
Speaker 4: the term you don't look like what you've been through? Oh?
34:01
Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes say you look like how I feel.
34:04
Speaker 4: Yes, So we want to go We want to get
34:09
Speaker 4: them through. We want everybody to make it through. And
34:12
Speaker 4: part of that is we'll we'll take We'll take it slow.
34:16
Speaker 4: I'll let you ask the next question. But that's what
34:18
Speaker 4: going through was all about. And I shared some of
34:21
Speaker 4: my most difficult times when I wanted to throw on
34:24
Speaker 4: the towel and I wanted to give lack. It didn't
34:27
Speaker 4: matter whether I was a minister, it didn't matter whether
34:30
Speaker 4: I was a therapist, it didn't matter. You know, all
34:33
Speaker 4: the courses I've taken, that didn't matter. I wanted to
34:36
Speaker 4: stop right there in the middle. But I must say
34:41
Speaker 4: that it was God. Once I relied on him, that
34:44
Speaker 4: is what pulled me through, but I had to take
34:47
Speaker 4: my mind and actually do something, and that's trust. So
34:52
Speaker 4: I talked about different tools that I use on how
34:56
Speaker 4: to get through. So I brought theology and psychology together
35:00
Speaker 4: to get something.
35:01
Speaker 2: To talk about. Okay, is there a particular aspect of
35:05
Speaker 2: this book that resonates with you the most or that
35:07
Speaker 2: you'd like to explore more.
35:13
Speaker 4: This book was written out of pain. I was in
35:16
Speaker 4: the middle of a divorce when I wrote this book,
35:20
Speaker 4: and I was just sitting in my living room, you know,
35:24
Speaker 4: probably crying.
35:27
Speaker 2: And then I just.
35:29
Speaker 4: Started thinking about someone else and I'm like, geez, it's
35:33
Speaker 4: it felt like a hole or the it was. It
35:36
Speaker 4: was such a pain.
35:38
Speaker 2: And then I just.
35:39
Speaker 4: Started thinking, I never want anybody else to experience this
35:43
Speaker 4: type of pain. So I started writing this book because
35:48
Speaker 4: of my pain and not wanting anyone else to experience
35:51
Speaker 4: this pain. And I think we stay in pain too
35:55
Speaker 4: long when we start feeling sorry for ourselves, or when
35:58
Speaker 4: we think about what has been done to us. Oh why,
36:02
Speaker 4: I can't believe how they did this? Oh my, it's
36:06
Speaker 4: because I'm this. So I started changing the way I
36:10
Speaker 4: looked at things. And I don't want to take the
36:14
Speaker 4: credit because it was God just start downloading it on me.
36:18
Speaker 4: And I believe once you take yourself outside of yourself
36:22
Speaker 4: being selfish and start thinking about someone else, I believe
36:25
Speaker 4: that's when God gives you everything to be able to
36:28
Speaker 4: help people.
36:30
Speaker 2: Amen. Amen, you once said it does not matter about
36:35
Speaker 2: the degrees or titles your whole we will all go through.
36:38
Speaker 2: What did you mean by that we will all go through?
36:41
Speaker 1: Wow?
36:41
Speaker 4: I think I've already said it, but I'm gonna share
36:43
Speaker 4: it again. I've gone. I have my associates, I have
36:48
Speaker 4: my bachelor's I have my master's degree, I'm a minister,
36:54
Speaker 4: and I mean I stand the word, but it does
36:57
Speaker 4: not stop me from going through. You know, there is
37:00
Speaker 4: things that came knocking on my door that I didn't
37:03
Speaker 4: want to face. And the titles didn't help me. The
37:07
Speaker 4: degrees couldn't help me. It was a mind change, me
37:12
Speaker 4: changing my mind and surrendering everything over to God. So
37:18
Speaker 4: that's what I meant when I said that we're going
37:20
Speaker 4: to go through some things. There is no way pup
37:23
Speaker 4: Daddy can get out of his stuff now, it doesn't
37:25
Speaker 4: matter how much riches he got. Hopefully I could say
37:28
Speaker 4: that on on here. So there are situations free I'll
37:34
Speaker 4: be free. Okay. There are situations. Okay, So that's what
37:40
Speaker 4: I meant by that. It does not prevent me from
37:44
Speaker 4: you know, it didn't prevent my mother from passing away
37:46
Speaker 4: and leaving. None of that helps when you're going to
37:50
Speaker 4: go through some stuff and we're all going to experience it.
37:55
Speaker 2: Well, think you mentioned the person that you mentioned. I
38:01
Speaker 2: just hope that every one that's involved on either side
38:07
Speaker 2: get the help that they need. And I'm not going
38:10
Speaker 2: to make a statement or anything. That's not my place,
38:15
Speaker 2: but I just hope that everybody that's involved get the
38:17
Speaker 2: help that they need, whatever the help may be for
38:21
Speaker 2: any of the individuals that's involved, their families that's involved. Now,
38:24
Speaker 2: there was a time when religious groups saw psychology as
38:29
Speaker 2: undermining faith or moral values, with concerns that psychological theories
38:35
Speaker 2: were too materialistic or individualistic, minimizing the spiritual dimension of life.
38:42
Speaker 2: What are your thoughts about that?
38:44
Speaker 4: You know what, I think that there is no way
38:47
Speaker 4: to get around psychology and faith based. I think there
38:53
Speaker 4: is just a division that's been put in It's just
38:57
Speaker 4: a division that's been put in place to separate them both,
39:02
Speaker 4: but they really go hand in hand because we're mind
39:05
Speaker 4: body and spirit, right, so we carry a soul. Our
39:10
Speaker 4: soul is our emotions and our feelings. And the psychologists
39:13
Speaker 4: are right about the emotions and the feelings, and the
39:18
Speaker 4: old cannot get that word right. The theology, it's all
39:22
Speaker 4: about God. And I just believe that God made us
39:27
Speaker 4: this way, you know. I believe Jesus had emotions when
39:30
Speaker 4: he cried, you know. So I just think they go
39:33
Speaker 4: hand in hand. And I think the fight should be
39:35
Speaker 4: over with psychology and theology, and we may as well
39:37
Speaker 4: just come together and help these people on this earth
39:42
Speaker 4: get to moving so we can get through some stuff
39:45
Speaker 4: and stop fighting. It's a part of Satan if it's
39:49
Speaker 4: okay for me to say that, just to bring division
39:51
Speaker 4: amongst two people, that's what he does so they cannot
39:54
Speaker 4: come together and help because we need them both. And
39:58
Speaker 4: this is why I I'm bringing them together both with
40:02
Speaker 4: theology and psychology, so I have respect for both of them.
40:07
Speaker 2: So to be fair. Psychologists view theology as rigid or dogmatic,
40:14
Speaker 2: potentially harmful if it discouraged critical thinking or promoted guilt
40:18
Speaker 2: and shame, as you mentioned as a method of controlling behavior.
40:23
Speaker 2: What are your views on critical thinking being a method
40:26
Speaker 2: with control.
40:26
Speaker 4: And behavior, you know, I in a sense in the
40:32
Speaker 4: old time church or in the first part of the
40:37
Speaker 4: Bible that was religion. I agree with the psychologist. It
40:42
Speaker 4: was too rigid, it was too dogmatic. It was more
40:46
Speaker 4: religion trying to conform people and tell people what they
40:49
Speaker 4: should do and shouldn't do.
40:51
Speaker 2: And I believe that.
40:55
Speaker 4: It's a relationship with God and with Christ. And I
40:58
Speaker 4: think God gives us free will to make our choice
41:01
Speaker 4: instead of a man or people using religion, you know,
41:07
Speaker 4: laws to have us to do certain things. So I
41:11
Speaker 4: totally agree. I think it was too rigid, and I
41:13
Speaker 4: think that's why a lot of people don't like.
41:17
Speaker 1: Or either.
41:19
Speaker 4: How do I want to say this? I want to
41:20
Speaker 4: say it right. I think this is what prevents people
41:23
Speaker 4: from really experience and true love with God because we
41:31
Speaker 4: shy away from it. Because religion was used to be
41:34
Speaker 4: dogmatic and tell us we couldn't do this, can't wear pants,
41:38
Speaker 4: you can't wear makeup, you can't do this, you going
41:40
Speaker 4: to hell.
41:40
Speaker 2: And then some churches and religion, some churches and religion
41:45
Speaker 2: said that you couldn't wear pants, But well, I'm not
41:48
Speaker 2: going to go there with that. You can you didn't
41:57
Speaker 2: have my art, so you can. I would have, but
42:00
Speaker 2: then weren't give tonight. So Channette Johnson has a question
42:04
Speaker 2: for you. She says today wasn't a good day for her.
42:07
Speaker 2: Next month marks a year since her son passed. She
42:11
Speaker 2: says that the closer she gets to that day, she
42:13
Speaker 2: finds herself more depressed and not wanting to do anything.
42:17
Speaker 4: Can you give her some advice, Shannette, I can give
42:23
Speaker 4: you a little advice. I have never lost a child. However,
42:29
Speaker 4: I did have a child that was in a very
42:31
Speaker 4: bad car accident, and they told me that he wasn't
42:34
Speaker 4: going to make it. He did make it. I know
42:36
Speaker 4: I'm going off topic, and immediately when I heard that,
42:42
Speaker 4: you know, I told God, if you don't keep him here,
42:46
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be grateful for the years that you did
42:48
Speaker 4: bless me with. When I told God that, I knew
42:53
Speaker 4: that I would miss him always, but he did live. However,
43:00
Speaker 4: other family members that has passed away, I celebrate them.
43:05
Speaker 4: I try not to let my mind go to a
43:08
Speaker 4: place that make me depressed. I think about all the
43:13
Speaker 4: good times that we had. How I was able, you know,
43:16
Speaker 4: just to be in their life, and they're able to
43:18
Speaker 4: be in my life. And then I would suggest maybe
43:21
Speaker 4: a grief support group, Shaney, because it's also the depression.
43:29
Speaker 4: It's a longing and you're missing him instead of living
43:34
Speaker 4: the time that you did have with him. And I
43:36
Speaker 4: do sympathize with you wholeheartedly and we'll be praying for you.
43:41
Speaker 4: But I would say get into a support group so
43:43
Speaker 4: you could see that there was more life to celebrate
43:47
Speaker 4: them what's lost.
43:50
Speaker 2: And there's nothing wrong with the way that you feel,
43:52
Speaker 2: you know, and nobody can tell you or shouldn't. I
43:57
Speaker 2: tell you that you'll get through it. You'll get through it.
44:02
Speaker 2: It's just that every day it's going to be a
44:04
Speaker 2: different day. You know, something different is going to be
44:07
Speaker 2: about today that was different than yesterday regarding your son
44:12
Speaker 2: or whoever you may have lost. And that's goes to
44:14
Speaker 2: anybody out there. You know, I lost my sister and
44:18
Speaker 2: I lost my nieces and nephews back to back, and
44:23
Speaker 2: some days I find myself crying, you know, especially with
44:28
Speaker 2: my sister. I just keep this thing in my in
44:30
Speaker 2: my room about her, and it's I just shake my head.
44:35
Speaker 2: You know that I really wish you were here for this,
44:37
Speaker 2: that and the other. But every day it's a different day.
44:38
Speaker 2: Because then I find myself laughing saying, if she was here,
44:41
Speaker 2: this is what she would have did, you know. So
44:43
Speaker 2: every day it's a different day. It just depends on
44:46
Speaker 2: what's going on and how I felt. You know, I'm
44:50
Speaker 2: going to put it out there. I shouldn't say it,
44:51
Speaker 2: but like, tomorrow's my birthday and I wish she was
44:54
Speaker 2: here because this is a big number for me, and
44:56
Speaker 2: I noticed she would have said something about it, and
45:00
Speaker 2: she would have joked and made something of it. So me,
45:04
Speaker 2: instead of me crying or something, I'm just gonna be
45:07
Speaker 2: thinking about the things, all the things she could have said.
45:09
Speaker 2: And I'm gonna say to her, go ahead, get your
45:11
Speaker 2: kicks and say what you wanted to say, because I
45:13
Speaker 2: know you would have. So that's the way I find
45:15
Speaker 2: my way of getting through that moment. But every day
45:17
Speaker 2: is going to be a different day, because maybe next
45:19
Speaker 2: week gonna say, I wish you were here to celebrate
45:22
Speaker 2: that milestone with me. So every day is a different
45:25
Speaker 2: day because it's different things just happening within that day.
45:29
Speaker 4: Yeah, And that's one of the stories that I share.
45:34
Speaker 2: Birthday.
45:36
Speaker 4: That's one of the stories that I'm sorry, that's one
45:40
Speaker 4: of the stories that I shared in the book. When
45:42
Speaker 4: my mother died on Christmas Day. We had cooked dinner
45:47
Speaker 4: and everything the night before, and then my brother called
45:49
Speaker 4: and said that she had passed away. So the first,
45:54
Speaker 4: maybe the first two Christmases, I couldn't listen to no
45:57
Speaker 4: Christmas music, I couldn't do anything. I didn't want to
46:01
Speaker 4: put up a tree. But then I realized I was
46:04
Speaker 4: thinking about it the wrong way. Now I still miss
46:07
Speaker 4: my mother and I still cry about my mother, and
46:10
Speaker 4: it is okay to feel like that. However, I did
46:14
Speaker 4: have to take control of the way that I was
46:17
Speaker 4: thinking about the situation, because if not, it could have
46:20
Speaker 4: potentially caused me to be depressed. So it's all about
46:27
Speaker 4: the way you think about a situation. You could feel
46:30
Speaker 4: one way, but you can also think another way. It's
46:33
Speaker 4: okay to feel. Every time Christmas come, I tell her
46:36
Speaker 4: how much I miss her, and I remember the night
46:39
Speaker 4: that we had before she passed away, and it makes
46:42
Speaker 4: you want to cry. And then all that that good
46:45
Speaker 4: music that they plan and she loved the Temptations Christmas.
46:49
Speaker 4: It makes me share the tear, But I refuse to
46:53
Speaker 4: allow my negative thinking to start thinking whoa me?
46:57
Speaker 1: Why you leave me?
46:58
Speaker 4: Just I just believe that we're able to change our thoughts,
47:03
Speaker 4: then we can change the way that we feel. But
47:06
Speaker 4: everybody and each time, it took me two years to
47:10
Speaker 4: get there.
47:13
Speaker 2: From the Crew podcast, it says, feel how you feel,
47:17
Speaker 2: just don't stay there too long because you still have
47:20
Speaker 2: to live and you're so right, you know, don't don't
47:23
Speaker 2: stay there too long. My children got me through the
47:27
Speaker 2: loss of my husband. You know, I really don't know
47:31
Speaker 2: where I would be if they weren't there for me.
47:36
Speaker 2: They helped me more than I've helped them. And I
47:39
Speaker 2: go over it over it in my head so much
47:43
Speaker 2: every day, as far as what happened, how I told them,
47:49
Speaker 2: what they did, and how they pulled me through, And
47:52
Speaker 2: believe it or not, they'll just looking at them, they
47:55
Speaker 2: pulled me through because they remind me of him in
47:57
Speaker 2: so many different ways. There was times that I used
47:59
Speaker 2: to look up when I had a day that one
48:02
Speaker 2: of them plucked that last nerve I would look up to,
48:05
Speaker 2: you know, just look up and say and say, see
48:06
Speaker 2: what you got me with? That's how you got back
48:08
Speaker 2: at me. So I would try to find my way
48:12
Speaker 2: of dealing with him or either that's your son, you know,
48:16
Speaker 2: that's that's that's your She's just like you. Did you
48:19
Speaker 2: see what she just did? So that that was my
48:22
Speaker 2: way of things and saying though things. But that night,
48:26
Speaker 2: you know, in my bed, I would sit there and
48:27
Speaker 2: say I had a day, and I know you had
48:30
Speaker 2: to have seen this day, but thank you for getting
48:33
Speaker 2: me through this day because I know that you're still there.
48:35
Speaker 2: You know you're not here where I can I can
48:37
Speaker 2: touch you. You may be able to touch me and
48:39
Speaker 2: I may not be able to feel it, but I
48:40
Speaker 2: know that you're there. So everybody's going to go through
48:43
Speaker 2: things in different ways. Now, you mentioned that you were
48:47
Speaker 2: able to integrate theology and say psychology, which has been
48:50
Speaker 2: a fascinating and involved and feel that explores how faith
48:53
Speaker 2: and health can compliment and support each other. You also
48:57
Speaker 2: mentioned ways that they complement each other. So do you
49:03
Speaker 2: believe both people recognize the potential for integrating theology and psychology,
49:08
Speaker 2: especially in addressed and cumuit will being.
49:12
Speaker 4: I'm sorry I didn't hear that last sentence. I'm sorry,
49:15
Speaker 4: Can you repeat the lesson?
49:17
Speaker 2: Do you believe? Do you believe that both fields recognize
49:21
Speaker 2: the potential for integrating theology and psychology, especially in addressing
49:26
Speaker 2: holistic human well being.
49:28
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I do think it. Remember I told you it
49:31
Speaker 4: was years ago they were so at odds against each other.
49:35
Speaker 4: But now I think more so that they are integrating
49:38
Speaker 4: because it's mind, body and spirit and time. They have
49:43
Speaker 4: done so many studies now that shows that the spirit
49:48
Speaker 4: man is just as important as the mental part of
49:52
Speaker 4: the man. They work hand in hand together, and psychology
49:56
Speaker 4: is how the mind works the spirit man, and faith
50:01
Speaker 4: is what helps keeps a person at peace. It helps
50:05
Speaker 4: keep a person saying mindful mentum, you know mindful meditation.
50:11
Speaker 4: Different people meditate on different things, but the faith aspect
50:15
Speaker 4: of it, or you know, believe in God, that help
50:18
Speaker 4: keeps you at peace. So yes, I do believe that.
50:21
Speaker 4: I'm starting to see that theology and psychologists coming together
50:26
Speaker 4: to help people with overall wellness, health and wellness.
50:32
Speaker 2: It's I'm not going to call them out. Some people
50:36
Speaker 2: they know who I'm talking to a certain certain religion
50:41
Speaker 2: that I feel so need to listen to other other
50:50
Speaker 2: religions because our feelings, though, are sucking their ways and
50:56
Speaker 2: that's hurting them more than it is helping them, and
50:58
Speaker 2: it's driving people away from a religion that I've held
51:04
Speaker 2: in my heart for such a long period of time
51:06
Speaker 2: as a child, but as an adult, I start to
51:09
Speaker 2: think back on some of the things that was said
51:12
Speaker 2: and some of the things that were done, and I
51:14
Speaker 2: would say, that's not true, that wasn't true. Why would
51:18
Speaker 2: you have said that? Knowing that don't and I can
51:21
Speaker 2: see things differently, you know, I'm not going to say
51:25
Speaker 2: through a different set of lens. I'm just peeping through
51:27
Speaker 2: the people at them, right, And I'm just saying that now.
51:32
Speaker 2: You know, I'm not going to sit the unquote the
51:35
Speaker 2: Bible or blasted or anything, because that's not what I'm
51:39
Speaker 2: trying to do. But what I'm saying is that there's
51:42
Speaker 2: a particular religion that I shied away from because of
51:47
Speaker 2: some of the things that I grew up hearing about
51:54
Speaker 2: and believing. But it wasn't so I'm always going to
51:59
Speaker 2: be that religion. That's gonna always be my faith. But
52:04
Speaker 2: now I'm piecing it together myself, and I read the
52:07
Speaker 2: Bible myself to piece things together. Because I'm not saying
52:10
Speaker 2: I couldn't accept advice from anybody, because advice is, you know,
52:15
Speaker 2: and anytime somebody gonna give it to me and gonna
52:17
Speaker 2: take it. But I have to do things my pace.
52:21
Speaker 2: For me to understand it, I have to take it.
52:23
Speaker 2: I have to take this particular religion apart and piece
52:28
Speaker 2: it together to a way that I can understand it,
52:31
Speaker 2: and then maybe I can go back to it, you know, someday,
52:34
Speaker 2: but right now would not be the day. It would
52:37
Speaker 2: not be the day. There's some things that I feel
52:40
Speaker 2: it's a little broken, and I'm not saying it can't
52:43
Speaker 2: be repaid, but I think sometimes you need to listen
52:47
Speaker 2: to yourself instead of just preaching it all the time
52:50
Speaker 2: for others and want them that way when you're not
52:53
Speaker 2: living that way yourself. So that's just my opinion. I
52:56
Speaker 2: still believe in that faith. It's just that I just
53:00
Speaker 2: have some things that I have to say and I
53:02
Speaker 2: feel as though the no that I have them out right,
53:05
Speaker 2: and I'm going to say how I feel, and that's
53:10
Speaker 2: just the way that I feel. So you know, I
53:14
Speaker 2: still hope that my seat is close to you.
53:17
Speaker 3: Now.
53:18
Speaker 4: And you know, while we're on this, while we're on
53:22
Speaker 4: this topic about Christianity or church, there has I noticed.
53:27
Speaker 4: I thank God I didn't get saved until I was
53:29
Speaker 4: an adult, so I had the choice to do it.
53:32
Speaker 4: I had no one pushing it on me. A lot
53:36
Speaker 4: of people have trauma from church because people were doing
53:40
Speaker 4: religion and they really don't understand that it's in a
53:43
Speaker 4: relationship with God. And the way that, like you said,
53:49
Speaker 4: they were using it to scold or beat and tell
53:52
Speaker 4: people you have to do this or it was a
53:54
Speaker 4: judgmental type of thing, and we have to get away
53:57
Speaker 4: from that. There are just as many people who was
54:00
Speaker 4: traumatized in church. You know, then at home, you know
54:05
Speaker 4: there was families, mothers, fathers, who was following pastors like
54:09
Speaker 4: it was a cult and you know, putting their families last.
54:12
Speaker 4: And then you have the children that's being growing up
54:15
Speaker 4: and want no part of church because of what they've seen.
54:19
Speaker 4: But I must say that there is true God, and
54:24
Speaker 4: that is not how he operates. He loved everybody on
54:28
Speaker 4: this earth. He does not judge you. He wants you,
54:32
Speaker 4: at your own time to come to Him and really
54:35
Speaker 4: be loved. Learn what it is to be loved, Why
54:38
Speaker 4: He made you beautifully the way that we are. So
54:42
Speaker 4: again that's a whole nother topic for a whole another setting.
54:47
Speaker 4: But I think it's only one love. I think it's
54:49
Speaker 4: only one God, and that's just love. Just to love everybody,
54:53
Speaker 4: want better for everybody, be there for everybody, not be
54:58
Speaker 4: so selfish. I think that's what God is and learning
55:03
Speaker 4: how to forgive, learning how to accept people for who
55:07
Speaker 4: they are and what they are, just because they don't
55:10
Speaker 4: look like us, act like us. I think it's too
55:13
Speaker 4: many religion, you know, you.
55:17
Speaker 2: Know, or to act like anybody, or to look like anybody.
55:21
Speaker 2: You know. It's it's just the acceptance. And you know,
55:24
Speaker 2: to me, I just throw it up and throw my
55:27
Speaker 2: hands up because to me, I'm not saying I don't
55:29
Speaker 2: care about people or care about religion, but I just
55:32
Speaker 2: don't be caring, you know, because it's other things. And
55:36
Speaker 2: I just can't just go through all of that because
55:38
Speaker 2: it's it's too exhausting. It's exhausting, and it takes a
55:41
Speaker 2: lot out of here. But I want to think for
55:46
Speaker 2: enlightening us, your knowledge and the book going through if
55:51
Speaker 2: you don't have your copy it now, if not for yourself,
55:55
Speaker 2: for someone who may be going through it. Can you
55:59
Speaker 2: our listeners how they can connect with you for your
56:01
Speaker 2: book or your services.
56:03
Speaker 4: Yes, they can go to Better Tomorrow Counseling with Cynthia
56:07
Speaker 4: dot com. They can order the book there. They can
56:11
Speaker 4: also schedule an appointment. There's a fifteen minute slot that's
56:15
Speaker 4: free that we could talk about it and see if
56:17
Speaker 4: I'm a perfect fit for them, because it is very
56:20
Speaker 4: important that you find the perfect fit for you before
56:24
Speaker 4: you say therapy does not work. They can email me
56:29
Speaker 4: at Better Tomorrow nine hundred at gmail dot com, and
56:33
Speaker 4: they can also find me on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok
56:38
Speaker 4: as Cynthia Carter Spencer.
56:42
Speaker 2: Okay from the crew, they're saying religion and no relationship.
56:47
Speaker 2: If you or someone is going through it, and going
56:51
Speaker 2: through it could mean divorce, separation, postpartum that's of a
56:56
Speaker 2: loved one, well, even the loss of a joke. You
56:59
Speaker 2: are going through it, please don't do it alone. Contact
57:02
Speaker 2: the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at one eight hundred two
57:07
Speaker 2: seven three talk. That's one eight hundred two seven three
57:12
Speaker 2: eight two five five. It is confidential twenty four hours,
57:16
Speaker 2: seven days a week. There's services for individuals in crisis
57:20
Speaker 2: or emotional distress. You can also text the Crisis text
57:25
Speaker 2: line at text hello H E L L O to
57:31
Speaker 2: seven four one seven four to one. It's three and
57:35
Speaker 2: that is also twenty four hours a day, seven days
57:37
Speaker 2: a week. Their text line is providing immediate support through
57:41
Speaker 2: text messages. So if you're going through it and you
57:45
Speaker 2: don't want to actually talk to someone, you can text
57:48
Speaker 2: seven four one, seven four one twenty four hours, seven
57:53
Speaker 2: days a week, and there's somebody that's going to give
57:55
Speaker 2: you immediate support through text messages. So it doesn't mean
57:58
Speaker 2: that you're crazy. It just means that you justt somebody
58:02
Speaker 2: to talk to because you're going through it. Get the
58:05
Speaker 2: book going through it. Increasing awareness about mental health and
58:10
Speaker 2: challenging stigmas can help create a more supportive environment. Approaches
58:14
Speaker 2: that acknowledge the impact of trauma can force the trust
58:18
Speaker 2: and make individuals feel safer when seeking help. Everyone situation
58:23
Speaker 2: is different, but offering a compassionate and non judgmental presence,
58:28
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say it again, non judgmental presence can mean
58:32
Speaker 2: a lot. Whether it's about mental health, integrating faith and techology,
58:38
Speaker 2: or something you are going through. Feel free to express
58:41
Speaker 2: what you're experiencing with the professional. You don't have to
58:45
Speaker 2: go it alone. Join us Sunday, October the twentieth for
58:49
Speaker 2: a bonus show. We are having a conversation on IP.
58:54
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna tell you what it means, right, now
58:55
Speaker 2: because you gotta join us on Sunday and that IP
58:59
Speaker 2: is going to be with me Baron mcleam McLamore after
59:03
Speaker 2: eight after Baron is gonna be with us, and she's
59:06
Speaker 2: gonna be talking about I P. So you might want
59:09
Speaker 2: to look it up before Sunday. I P me come
59:14
Speaker 2: join this Joe, watch us, tune in, listen and then
59:17
Speaker 2: asking your questions because she's got something special for you.
59:20
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining us tonight, and we
59:23
Speaker 2: appreciate you for being here with me on Basic Black
59:28
Speaker 2: after dark. Remember after eight, good night.
59:49
Speaker 1: Turn off the light.
1:00:00
Speaker 2: Tonight.
1:00:00
Speaker 1: Then let's take a shower shower together. I'll wash a
1:00:17
Speaker 1: bundt you must some fat wealth day.
1:00:31
Speaker 2: And say.
1:00:37
Speaker 1: Jay turn off. Come girl. I want to give you
1:00:49
Speaker 1: a special tweet. You're so sweet,