Latest / The You Project / #2111 When Does a Good Habit Become a Bad Obsession? - Harps & Kelly

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#2111 When Does a Good Habit Become a Bad Obsession? - Harps & Kelly · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'll get atenm it's Harps, It's Kelly Smith, the one
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: and only back for the first time in twenty twenty six,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I think, am I right in that?
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, first time?
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Giddy up by a cup, welcome back? How are you?
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Pretty good?
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Pretty good? How are you?
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm good. Just soldiering through soldiering That sounds melodramatic,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Just sprinting through the year, starting with a little bit
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: of a slow jog, building up as I head towards March.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Just finding a little bit of momentum and ticking a
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: few boxes and getting a few outcomes and learning a
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: few things and fucking up a little bit as I do.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: But I guess we call that the human experience. Have
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: you had anything, anything outstanding on your calendar so far?
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: Pretty much the same, so, you know, the start of
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: the year for me, there was a lot going on
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: with my nan, who I've mentioned before. She at ninety six,
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: had to really reframe and change her life. So she's
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: now in what we call h care And they are amazing,
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: amazing people like you look at them and go wow,
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Like you guys, do something for someone else every single
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: day with a smile on your face. And you know,
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: initially we thought, okay, they're probably putting it on because
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: you know, she's brand new, and it has it hasn't changed.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: They are all so lovely. Nan is very happy and
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: very safe, which is what we want for her obviously.
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: But just the other day she said, where's your podcast?
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: What's going on? Why are you talking to people anymore?
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Oh? Wow?
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: She was, She's like, well, you need to you need
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: to go back and start talking to people again. And
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: I think now that she feels quite settled, she's ready
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: to kind of, you know, give me a bit of
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: a shove back out there.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: And so that was quite nice. So that's been yeah, yeah,
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: so that's been the start of my year.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: So, as you say, just kind of getting ready to
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: ramp up, you know now that things are a bit
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: kind of I.
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: Don't know what's normal, but getting back into a rhythm.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I guess how's her brain going. How's her ninety six
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: year old brain going?
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Look for ninety six, I would dare say very well.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: So short term memory is.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: She says she's getting a bit bloody, that's her technical term,
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: bit bloody. But she could still tell you everything that
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: happened when she was five years old.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so yeah, that's the way I think. Even
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: when you're you know, fifties and sixties, like sher short
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: term memory starts to go unless you're really really working
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: on it. And like I've got friends my age who
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: their short term memory is pretty rubbish, their long term
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: memory is amazing. That's part of the brain that kind
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: of one of the bits that kind of declines first
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: is the short term stuff Like how I don't it
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: probably doesn't happen to you, but I meet people in
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: a conversation four sentences in, I can't remember the name
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: of the per that I just got introduced to, mainly
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: because I wasn't really focusing, but also that's pretty bad.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: So we're met jad for rock solid forty seconds and
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: forty seconds ago someone told me your name was Donna
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: or Dave or something, and I'm looking at you, going nah,
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: I got nothing. So from then it becomes old.
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: Mate, oh mate, the go to all right, So your
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: job in Inverted Commas is to come on every once
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: in a while and just as our regular civilian, our
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: regular listener with a.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Curious brain who might have a few questions relevant to
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: yourself or just general stuff. That you think might be
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: of interest to the collective. So where do you want
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: to start. I'm putty in your putty in your hands.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: Oh, this is this is fun. One of the things
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: I've been thinking about recently. So I've been working with
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: the nutrition coach, and this is something that I've always
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: been really curious about and never really understood completely. Sort
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: of thought I had a bit of a handle on
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: it and really didn't. So I'm getting all of this
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  Speaker 3: wonderful information about calories, macros, how they work, how they
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: work in particular with heavy expenditure like lifting weights and
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: things like that. But one of the things I'm noticing,
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: and it's something that you have spoken about a bit recently,
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: and I'm seeing it with friends. I'm seeing it, you know,
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  Speaker 3: every time you kind of plug something into like a
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: calculator or whatever. And it's the fact that walking and
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: getting your steps up is so much more important in
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: terms of your fitness, weight loss, fat loss journey. And
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  Speaker 3: it was something for me that I always really enjoyed walking.
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  Speaker 3: It was more like a you know, let's go and
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: clear the headspace. But it's becoming more and more obvious
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: that the more you walk, the easier or the more
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  Speaker 3: beneficial that is for fat loss, and why, like what
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: is it around, like the actual physicality of that that
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: makes that such a good form of exercise.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I think anything that you do where you
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: are carrying your weight, Like you sit on a bike,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: you're not really carrying your weight. The bike is carrying
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: your weight and you're just peddling. You know, you sit
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: on an arm bike in the gym, or a grinder,
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: or you know you're on an elliptical strider in the
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: gym where yeah, you're kind of carrying your weight, but
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: really the whole thing is on a pendulum or a swing.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: So I think there's a couple. It's not a single thing,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: but one of the main things is that you are
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: carrying your weight, and the heavier you are, the more
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: work you're doing. So if we get somebody, I'm just
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: going to make some of the figures up. But if
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: we get Kelly, who weighs I don't know what your
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: a doesn't matter. But let's say you weigh sixty kilos.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter what you weigh. But let's say you've
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: got a friend who wears a hundred kilos and you
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: and that one hundred kilos versus sixty kilos Kelly, that
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: person you go for the same walk at the same time,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: over the same distance, at the same speed, Well, there
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: any energy expenditure ie calorie burning will be way bigger
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: than yours because they're carrying forty kilos that you are
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: not carrying, So it's hiking that weight around. So in
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: a weird way, sometimes being bigger or heavier or more overweight,
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: there are surprising benefits because you're burning more calories per
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: unit of time if you're doing the same thing at
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: the same level. And I think you know, I think
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  Speaker 1: also when you start something like I am, like everyone
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: who listens to this show regularly knows that a year
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: and a half ago my phone time, I was fat
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: and I didn't walk enough right pretty much, and then
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I just started I went right, well, that's it. From tomorrow,
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I'm doing ten thousand rock bottom and hand on harder.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I can say that every day that since then, I've
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: done at the worst ten thousand steps a day, and
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I was doing something like four and a half without
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: really realizing it. So my steps are somewhere between doubled
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: and tripled every day of my life. But also what
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: happens when you create a new good habit. We'll talk
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: about the difference maybe between habit and obsession. That's an
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: interesting conversation in itself. But when you create a new habit,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: there's a shift emotionally and psychologically. So I'm not going
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: to go and walk ten thousand steps or fifteen thousand
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  Speaker 1: steps and at the end of that eat a fucking
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: cheeseburger because I've done this really good. So when we
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: create a new habit, one which aligns with who and
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: how we want to be behaviorally, psychologically, emotionally, physiologically like
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  Speaker 1: I'm improving me or what I think is my version
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: of improvemental success or growth, we're much more likely to
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: make decisions which are consistent with health, wellness, optimization performance.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: There's that. Now, if you want to go physiology, then
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: more of the calories, so the greater. Let's say we
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: burn x calories per hour walking and we burn one
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: and a half x calories an hour running or two
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: x calories an hour. Overall, will burn more fat running
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  Speaker 1: than walking, and this is where people get tripped up.
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  Speaker 1: But as a percentage of energy expenditure, it will be
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: higher in the walking. Okay, So but let's say, hypothetically,
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  Speaker 1: let's say seventy percent of the five hundred calories that
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: I expend walking are fat are from fat. We go
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: seventy percent, and five hundred is three point fifty, right,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: and we might go only fifty percent of the calories
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  Speaker 1: that I burn when I'm jogging is from fat, so
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: walking is better. But then you go, hang on, Brian,
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  Speaker 1: you're burning eight hundred calories running. Fifty percent of eight
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: hundred is four hundred, which is more than three fifty.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: So if we're looking at overall expenditure side by side
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  Speaker 1: per unit of time, walking at five k's won't spend
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  Speaker 1: as many calories as jogging at ten k's, of course,
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  Speaker 1: and it won't even expend the same amount of fat.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: But what it will do is most of what you're
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: using when you're walking is fat, which is what people want.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: What also it will do, which is something people don't
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: either realize or understand or talk about much, is you
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: will lose less muscle walking. Now I'll shut up after this,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: but this is just interesting. Look at the runners, the
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: people in the world of running who are muscly, how
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: far do they run? Kel the big musclie.
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  Speaker 2: People, I dare say not far.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred meetings one hundred meters, two hundred meters,
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  Speaker 1: they're starting to get smaller. You look at a dude
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  Speaker 1: or dudet who runs hundreds, they're generally quite muscular, quite
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  Speaker 1: powerful because it's pretty much an anaerobic event. There's not
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: a lot of oxygen required to sprint for nine or
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  Speaker 1: ten or ten and a half seconds or whatever it is.
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  Speaker 1: But then you look at somebody who's running fifteen hundred meters, well,
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  Speaker 1: weighing one hundred kilos and being jacked and muscular and
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: big is not consistent with running a fast mile or
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  Speaker 1: fifteen hundred. Then you look at the marathoners who might
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: be the same height like some of the African Ethiopian
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: you know, some of those runners who are just canyons
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  Speaker 1: who are just beautiful, like amazing physiology, but they're six
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  Speaker 1: foot tall and they weigh fifty five kilos, So they're
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: just light, powerful, hyper endurance running machines. Now, if you
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: got the same girl or guy who was that good
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: a runner, and you went now do that with thirty
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  Speaker 1: extra kilos, their best time would go from to ten
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: minutes to three hours and twenty minutes. So that was
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: a very long answer. I'll try and coep the future
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  Speaker 1: one shorter.
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  Speaker 2: No, No, it's good.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: It's good because, yeah, there is this rise at the
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: moment of making sure or kind of having a benchmark
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  Speaker 3: of ten thousand steps, and I'm very curious as to
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: what the reasoning behind that was. So now I think
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: I'll just I'm going to order a weight vest off
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Amazon so that I'm carrying around more weight and doing
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: that same walk. But in all seriousness, that is beneficial
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: as well, isn't it hundred percent?
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Well, the thing is, if you know, like it doesn't
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: matter what you weigh, that's not us. But let's say
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: you weigh sixty or let's let's use me, so I
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: weigh eighty, give or tape. Let's say I'm carrying twenty kilos.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Now I'm moving one hundred kilos through suburbia. I'm not
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: moving eighty, So that will be very similar in terms
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: of energy expenditure as if I weighed one hundred kilos.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: But then one other thing maybe to talk about with steps,
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: right is people like gott to walk ten thousand steps,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: got to walk ten thousand steps, you know, keep it
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: on your phone, keep it on your watch da da
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: da da da. Well, not if you're a bloke or
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: a girl working on a construction site, climbing ladders, carrying shit,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: building shit, moving constantly. You might not be out directly
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: taking step after step, but your movement, your incidental and
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: occupational activity they call it, is through the roof. So
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: old mate might walk a thousand steps at work, but
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: is built, is spent more energy or used more calories
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: than everyone else who's been walking the whole time, because
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: you know, so, I think the most the most relevant
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: that piece of advice becomes, or the more relevant it becomes,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: is when we're talking about people whose life otherwise incidental
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: and occupational is a low energy expenditure is somewhat you know,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: you know, not where they there's a lot of movement.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: But for somebody who is like an eighteen year old
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: trade who's climbing up and down bloody scaffolding and ladders
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: and carrying shit and building shit and moving shit and
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: running to whatever all day, that dude probably needs to
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: walk zero extra steps per day. Yeah.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, what you said before about habit versus obsession, I
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: do find that really interesting. So we've had a few
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: conversations where I was talking about like my fitness tracker watch,
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: and I'd been very determined to get rid of it
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: because I'd set myself this number of this is the
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: amount of calories I'm going to burn, this is you know,
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: the it was everything i'd set myself based on something
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: that I think I probably googled. And so every day
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I need to do this because I've
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: got this watch telling me that I'm need to do it,
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: and it was actually.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Giving me far more like it was quite unsettling.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: It became very unsettling because I was constantly trying to
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: make a piece of technology happy, or you know, seek
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: this kind of form of approval from a piece of technology,
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: and that to me became I wouldn't say obsessive, but
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: it became way more than a habit. So over Christmas,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: I thought I'm not going to wear it anymore. And
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: the first couple of days I was like, but I
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: don't know how far off walked. I just don't know.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: I feel like I've done enough, but I.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Just don't know.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: So I ended up just getting this step tracker pure
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: step tracker.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: And the headspace that it relieved was incredible, and I
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: think what I'm finding is that it's far more beneficial
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: to be almost for me, kind of free ranging that
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: rather than try racking every single metric.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: And the.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: Really funny thing about that for me is that my
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: results at the moment are far better.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, great, great, Well, the way that you're doing it
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: is I think the healthiest. If you can do it,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: the people go to me. In fact, I recently got
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: asked this question trackers and apps and all that. Good
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: or bad? That's what I get asked, good or bad?
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I go good and bad, which I know that's a
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: terrible answer depending on who's listening. But so here's the thing.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: I wrote this in my first ever book. The difference
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: between habit and obsession is ones in control ones out
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: of control. Right, if we're talking about this type of stuff,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: of course there can be negative, addictive habits they're out,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: but we're talking about something that we're an operating system
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: that we're creating. And it's like I'm trying to do
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: or I'm doing ten thousands steps a day. But if
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: this day on whatever, I'm flying around Australia and I
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: get off a plane at eleven thirty at night and
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: I happened to do eight I'm not going to have
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: a mental breakdown because it wasn't that I was lazy
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: or I didn't try right. So I think in general terms,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: you know, in the positive way, having help, having habits
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: that you built and created and designed and implemented incorporated,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: you know, that's a positive thing. That's an in control thing,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: that's a healthy thing, that's a logical thing. Whereas obsession
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: is emotional, habit is logical in the sense that we're
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: talking about it. And so. But one of the problems
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: with this or can be, is that we get like
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: when we get to our steps, it's almost like a relief,
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: and when we're not there, it's anxiety. And I see
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: that all the time and even down to like this
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: is digressing, but it's related. Like I've seen so many people,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: not so much in recent times because I don't do
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: this anymore, but over the years they come into the
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: gym and let's say we weigh them once a month.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: I didn't weigh people very often, but twenty eight days,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: you know, and we do lots of testing other than that.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, hey, feeling good. How I feel? Yeah,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I feel strong, healthy, My energy is good. I'm sleeping good.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely leaning at da da da da. And they
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: get on the scales and in a month they've lost
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: two hundred grams. Now, a minute ago they felt great,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: They literally felt great mentally, emotionally, physically. Now they look
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: at the scales and they pretty much spiral. They don't
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: spiral because a bad thing happened. They don't spiral because
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: they they actually got a bad result, or they didn't
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: spiral because they feel sick or they're getting whit. No,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: all the signs are great, except they have placed so
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: much value on this fucking but between their toes that
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: that has hijacked their happiness rather than understanding what that
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: means or might mean or doesn't mean. And then I
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: would say to people, well, depending on when I was
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: at my stage of my journey, but I'd go so
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: in the mornings, I weigh about ninety k's and at
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: night I weigh about ninety four. And they're like, what,
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I go, yeah, because by the end of the day,
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I've got food in my stomach, I've got fluid on
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: board of this, I've got that I'm at least two
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: two and a half kilos heavier, maybe three or four, right,
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: And I go, this does not. There's a point where
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: it matters depending on the person and their body composition
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: and where they are at. But for the average punt
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: who's just on the journey and doing the things properly
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: and doesn't have extremes like gaining a kilo or losing
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: two kilos, or up a few grams or down a
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: few grams, is not nearly as important as they think.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: It's just that we've been trained and programmed and sometimes
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: by ourselves to be obsessed with a particular number, and
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: that number between people's toes can literally ruin their day,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: whereas if they felt exactly the same and the number
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: was a bit lower, they'd have a great day in
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: the same body. You know, I'd say to people, well,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: you know, so there's a thing called body composition, and
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: that's what your body's actually made of. Also, by the way,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: you might have lost a kilo a kilo and a
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: half of fat this month, but you've gained some muscle.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: You maybe haven't had a wi this morning like you
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: did last or whatever. But you know, body weight matters
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: to a level, but body composition is far more indicative
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: of health. You know. Well, but you know, if you
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: look at not that on the thing. But if you
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: look at me, the world doesn't need to see this,
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: but just in pair of shorts and my top on
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: Lena's fakers at the moment, but I'm still qualifiers overweight, yeah,
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: based on the highlight thing. Right, So we've spoken about
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: that too much.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, And so at the moment for me
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: seeing a certain number on a particular day, I'd be.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Like, oh my god, what have I done wrong?
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: Like, what is it that I ate that I probably
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: I can't eat that again because it's going to.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: Make that spyke happen.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: And then I've had this reframing of Okay, well, what
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: did I did I enjoy it?
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: Did I did I even like? Did I overindulge?
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: Was it you know, potentially the wrong thing to put
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: into my body? Or is it just you know, something
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: that wasn't an event? For instance, did I enjoy having
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: a meal with some friends and family? And then reframing
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: it in terms of what is that one day in
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: amongst that average, because is that one day going to
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: affect you know the rest of the month where everything
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: is pretty much spot on? And that has alleviated a
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: lot of my anxiety around it so looking more so,
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: as you say, like if it's a day where you're
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: busy and you get eight thousand versus ten thousand steps, Like,
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: I'm looking at it more so from the point of
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: view of what's the average over the week, and is
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: my average still you know where it should be? And
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: if so, then I'm quite happy with that. If not,
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: am I going to keep kicking myself about it? No,
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: because I know that I'm doing the work and also
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: to learning about like I thought I had a pretty
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: good handle on calories macros right, but then having it
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: explained in terms of how certain carbs are going to
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: help a workout.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: So if I know that I want to reach.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: A different weight the next day, like lifting certain weight
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: the next day, what do I need to fuel my
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: body with?
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: So that reframe as well, and I find that that is.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: Far more healthier than I've ever been in terms of
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: thinking about what goes in and then how I then
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: use my body in a way that.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: For me feels fit and strong. Yeah, and that is Yeah,
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: It all just purely started with you know, I'm not
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: going to have this thing beeping on.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: My wrist anymore.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: That's controlling, you know, whether or not I'm smiling at
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: something or feeling shit about something.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think also that's very good insight and
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: self awareness. I think also trying to understand that your
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: body is one of one, like we intellectually know that.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: So even when your dietitian slash nutritionnus whatever slash Craig
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Harper slash whoever is giving you some kind of direction
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: or advice, or we are all having an educated guess,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So I've written thousands and
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: thousands of exercise programs, and I know you pretty well,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: but I don't know a lot, right, like I don't
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: know a lot of things about you. And so if
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: you said, you know this, who I am, this sort
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: of way, this is what I know, this, how I look,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: This is how my back works or my bloody legs
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: don't work, or my body is great, but my lower
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: body's got no flexible or whatever it is. You give
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: me all this information, then you tell me what you
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: want to be your goals. And then based on all
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: of the data that you give me, which is also
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: a subjective interpretation of what you think is going on
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: in your body, it's still not fucking science, right, it's
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: still because your body and your interpretation is wrapped in
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: emotion and logic and illogic, and it's still the Kelly
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: story about her body. Right. So then on top of that,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: then I go, all right, well, based on that and
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: based on the equipment you've got available here at SNAP
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: five one five fucking Bluff Road, Hampton East. You're welcome, blood,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: I mean you welcome SNAP. Then then I write your
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: program and it could be the perfect program, very unlikely.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: It could be really fucking good, or it might not
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: be so good. So all of the time we are
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: trying to understand our body and our emotions and our psychology.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: And I think one of the problems that we one
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: of the mistakes that we make. I'm globalizing here everyone,
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: so this may not be you, but is that we
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: outsource decisions for our own fucking body. When your body's
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: going hey, dumbass, listen to me, or your nervous systems going, Kelly,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: I am fucking telling you what creates anxiety because when
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: you do this, I'm going nuts over here. And the
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: information's there, right, we might not always understand it, but
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: we have it. And so I think using people who
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: are in inverted Comma's experts is something that should be
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: done cautionarily, with caution. That's me too, including you know too.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Or I did a podcast yesterday with Bobby about like
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: should we actually give advice at all?
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: This is a whole fucking cannon. Should you give it? Yeah?
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Why should you? When should you? Did they want it?
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Did they ask for it? Do you understand the total context?
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Like maybe you're seeing the tip of the iceberg and
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: you think that's the problem or the issue or the challenge,
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: But it's fucking six miles of iceberg below the surface
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: that you can't see, right, So all of this, and
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: this is my passion around all of this, even around
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: the body, even around health, even around training. Is you
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: trying to understand you, You're trying to learn how to
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: operate you. And I'm going to sound like an old
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: fuck here, but and this is a purely a personal preference,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: but I wish young people would try it. Fuck off
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: your apps, fuck off your phone, fuck off all that
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: in terms of this process, and just write stuff in
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: a book, do it for six months, get a spiral
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: bound like I've I've got one right here as you
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: can kind of see. Nope, No, anyway.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: Yet there.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: I used them my whole life, where I just write
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: down thoughts, feelings, ideas, and then I can flick back,
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: you know, like there's something different to me from scrolling
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: to last Tuesday's steps and going all right, I did
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: eleven thirty eight or three eighty or whatever it was right,
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: but opening last tuesdays and it's going Oh. I woke
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: up at six, I felt fucked. I felt tired. I
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: got out of bed. I had a coffee at six thirty.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I did some coaching at seven, I was back home.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: At age fifteen, I had this for Brecky. I trained
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: at this time. I did this workout at this intensity.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: I felt fucking amazing. I did this many steps that day.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I went to bed at this time. I ate this
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: for food. Of this food for dinner or for lunch,
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: or I took these supplements. I drank this water. I
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: had two coffees. Now I've got a hold, not just
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: that's on stepping, not just and not only have I
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: got all of this information, I've also got how I felt.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Because changing your body is a feeling process or an
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: emotional process, and a psychological process and a physical process.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: But what we're doing when we're just plugging numbers into
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: a phone is just fucking stats and data. And I
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: like the idea of looking at my writing on a page.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: I can even tell by my writing how I was going.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I'm like, am I writing? I was fucked? You know?
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: So that's my and of course that's just my thoughts everybody.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: That's not what anyone should necessarily do. But I think
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: but the thing is with that too. Let's say you
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: do a twenty eight day trial of that where you've
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: got a spiral bound little pad or whatever. I would
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: say a four size to be honest, just so you
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: can get a whole day on there. Do it enthusiastically
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: rather than gonn ah, fuck, this is a thing I've
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: got to do for twenty eight days, because no, if
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: you do it that, then don't start. But I diorized
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: all of my training, all of my sleep, all of
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: my food, all of my fluid intake, my supplements, my vitamins,
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: my injuries, my energy levels from when I was eighteen
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: to when I was about thirty five, so whatever, seventeen
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: years right, And people go, oh, you're obsessed. I go, no,
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: I'm curious. I'm fucking If I said to you do
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: you want to understand your body? Really well, everyone's going
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: to no, one's going to go no, I don't now,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: I don't. Well, you're a dumbass. Why the fuck don't
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: you want to? You can't get a new one? Do
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: you want to understand how your body responds to different
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: stimuli and processes? Write that shit down and just go oh,
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: when I do this, when I go to bed at
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: that time, when I get up at that time, when
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: I have a coffee after six, I'm fucked. I can't sleep,
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: So don't do that. Also, I don't know why, but
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I seem to be stronger between eleven am and two
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: pm than I am from fucking five to seven pm.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: So maybe when I feel the strongest, if I can,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: as we're not, I'll try. So you're kind of doing
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: a PhD in kelly yourself.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: Interestingly I read a similar version of that just the
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: other day, and it was advice from a writer, and
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: it was pretty much exactly what you've just said. And
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: so he would he took note of when he felt
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: like he was at his best performing, and so he documented.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: You know, in the mornings, I'd be doing this and
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: then I would go and do this, and he said
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: it helped me to figure out what was going to
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: be the best rhythm of productivity for me.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: But the process took him a few months.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: And I find it quite interesting that that was the
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: advice that came from a writer, and out of that
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: he published his first book.
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: M Yeah, really.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean and again again, for some people, the
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: apps work perfectly, so ignore the fuck out of me
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: if you're using an app and it's working, and then
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: do that. But I also think I think it's in
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: our interest to try to understand how our body works,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: and maybe to go and go and read about the
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: nervous system for half an hour, just the nervous system,
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: not your nervous system, but how does it work? Like
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: I remember when I was young, I spent a week
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: and this sounds like so low key. I would have
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: been twenty five when we didn't have the internet and
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: shit was hard to get a hold of. But I
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: just studied the brain for a week, which just trying
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: to go, ah, what are the bits of the brain called,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: what is the prefrontal cortext do? What does the amigdala do?
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: You know? What does this do? What does that do?
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: And just trying to go okay, and I've got one
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: of those, and what happens when I'm tired? And what
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: happens when by the way, what is my brain run on? Oh? Glucose? Okay?
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: And by the way, how much energy does my brain
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: use over a day? Well, twenty percent of all your energy? Fuck?
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: And the hell you know, like there's and then you
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: can just go, oh, you can start to understand your
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: own brain and your own cognitive kind of state because
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: you now understand a little bit more about the brain.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: Like and we're still learning. Do you remember that thing
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: that hubanman He didn't discover it, but he started talking
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: about a year or two ago, which is called the
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: the am Yeah, AMCC. I've got to remember the words
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: and then the acronym. Have you heard about the AMCC
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: anterior mid singulate cortex.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: No I haven't.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: Oh, we'll fucking strap in. So the AMCC is a
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: part of the brain that actually grows, like physically grows.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: It gets bigger when you do that you don't like doing,
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: but you need to do right right, So it actually
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: so let's say, and it could be like I've just
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: done three sets of lap pools in the gym, for you, Kelly,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I've done three sets of lap poles of what last
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: one was really hard. I'm fucked, and I go, cool,
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: do a fourth, and you're like, fuck you, I don't
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: want to do a fourth. I go, yeah, cool, I
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: know you don't, but do a fourth and you're like,
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: I really don't. Like I actually don't. I'm tired. I've
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: had a big day and I'm like ah, and you go,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: fuck you and you do the fourth.
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: That's an example of doing something that you know. I'm
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: not talking about let's get injured. I'm just talking about
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: let's go to I'm tired and I like, cool, so
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: do something hard. It's going to last sixty seconds, probably
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: won't die, probably won't get injured. And a little example
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: of that for me is last night I was really tired.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: I went downstairs so I sleep live upstairs. I went
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: downstairs to the kitchen to do something. I'll get some
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: and I realized that i'd a not a It's only me,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: so it's not like it's a thousand, But I had
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: about five or six dishes, right, and I'm like, I
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: will soak those and I will clean those in the morning,
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: and then fucking I hate being these sometimes then amcc
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: boy is like, no, you won't. You'll wash them. You'll
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: you'll run some hot water, you'll get some lick, some soap,
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: you'll fill up the fucking sink. You'll wash them properly,
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: you'll dry them properly. Then you'll put them away, and
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: then you'll take the dish rack off and you'll wipe everything.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: Then you'll dry and everything, so it looks like a
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: fucking showroom. And that's what I did, and I just
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: didn't want to. I didn't want to. But it's in that,
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: can I digress, I'll shut up after this, And it's
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: in that doing of the the hard things I believe.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I don't mean lifting a heavyweight, because some people lifting
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: a heavyweight is fun, so you don't get this particular
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: bend effit that I'm talking about. Right, some people that
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: hate doing squats, they'll do everything in the gym, but
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: they won't put a weight on their back and do squats.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying everyone should do squats, but when you go, fuck,
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: I'm going to squat once a week. I don't want
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: to hate it. They suck. I don't think I'm very
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: good at and blah blah, blah all that. Well, then
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: that's where you start to get this type of benefit.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: And I was listening to a podcast. Do you know
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: who Alex Hanald is the climber corn So he is
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: considered by most to be the best climber in the world,
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: and he he has climbed the toughest. He's probably the
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: one person who's done most of the you would call impossible,
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: in impossible for the average human, climbs like El Capitan,
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: which is in I think it's Insemite, which is I'm
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: going to get the numbers wrong, but it's something like
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: two thousand or two and a half thousand feet straight
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: fucking up. It's like climbing. It's like timbing the wall
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: of your bedroom. It's like it's straight up right. And
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: then he was talking to Stephen Bartlett, who does Diary
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: of CEO. Shout out to him. He's, oh, gladly give
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: him a shout out. Good podcast, a good podcast. And
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: he was talking about, you know, like the sacrifice of
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: all these things he did, like he lived in a
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: van from when he was nineteen to thirty thirty years,
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: eleven years and all he did was, you know, climb.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: And he's like, oh, you did all these horrible things
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: and hard things, and they started talking about the AMCC
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: and he's like, yeah, but what you don't understand is
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: for me, that's joy, you know. For me, that's what
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: is hard for me is coming into the city and
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: putting on a fucking suit and tie and going to
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: talk to some corporates. Like that's for him a horror story,
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: you know. So it's like we get this cognitive benefit
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: when we do something which for someone else might seem
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: easy or convenient, but for you it's like, no, fuck,
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: I hate doing this. Like I would say, for you,
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: part of your cognitive growth doing these with me, starting
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: from the girl lady who's never done one to be
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: the lady who has now been on here unteen times.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: And I can tell in you the thing that used
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: to stress you doesn't stress you as much. I don't
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: know what your individual response is, but it might have
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: been somewhere in the ballpark of a ten, and right now,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: in this moment, you're probably sitting closer to a one
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: than a ten.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: AM I correct, absolutely, And even in terms of speaking
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: in front of people as well, Like we've had conversations
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: where I've been asked to present to rooms of leaders
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: at work and things like that.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: And I was sweating so much that I thought I
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: was going to you know, it's going to roll down
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: the sleeve of my arm.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: And now it's I can absolutely reframe that and it
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: doesn't terrify me as much. Like I think I've still
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: got a very healthy level of nerves, and that's because it's.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: Something that matters.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: And yeah, I find it slightly easier and certainly talking
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: in front of a lot of people, because even that
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: would terrify me. Like i could be in a room
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: full of people that I've known for quite some time
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: and you know, people would suddenly start listening to what
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: I was saying and I'd be like, oh, everyone's.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: Looking this is this isn't comfortable at all.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: And now it's like, okay, well I feel a bit
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: more at ease with that.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: So yes, yeah, yeah, And I think the challenge in
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: the middle of all like so many things where we think, oh,
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: I've got to change this about my life, or I've
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: got to change this about my body, or I've got
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: to change this about my bank account, I've got to
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: change this about my relationship and ships. I've got to like,
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: we look at all of these external things. But the
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: thing that we've really got to change.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: Is us, absolutely, And when.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: I change, when you change, you, when you are now,
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: when your default setting is, oh, Kelly, let's use the
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: metaphor of a mountain. Kelly can go and climb that mountain.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: And she's not nervous about it. She's not exhausted, she's
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: not terrified halfway up the mountain because she's climbed at
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: the mountain. She's climbed the mountain. She's progressed. She's started here,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: she worked to two, then three, then four, and now
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: she's got skills and knowledge and courage and understanding and
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: insight and all of this stuff. Where the mountain is
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: the same, the task is the same, the environment is
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: the same, but you're different. And without anything about the mountain,
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: be that a literal or metaphoric mountain, without anything about
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: the mountain changing because you different. Now your relationship with,
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: experience with and respond to the mountain is different, and
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: you change nothing except you.
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: Oh it's wild, isn't it?
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: And I think so the other day you were talking
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: about how you don't have to always keep pushing up
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: the hill because life is also swings and roundabouts, and
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: what I took from that is you can be always
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: like pushing for something next, right like whether it's you know,
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: you want to you want to do more steps, you
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: want to lift a heavier weight, you want to lose weight,
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: you want to learn more, you want to think differently.
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: But there's going to be times when you've got to
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: pause because something else in life is happening. And so
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: in amongst all of the things that have been happening
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: at the moment with my nan, like I'm her kind
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: of key person, I'm her primary care basically, so there's
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: been a lot of admin around that, and I thought,
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: I've got to focus on what it is that I
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: can control within MySpace while I'm not actively pushing up
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: that hill. And so when you said what you did
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: the other day, I'm like, Okay, that makes absolute sense.
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: Because if you're on say the swings all the roundabout
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: its metaphor, it can be going up and down, and
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: that's fine.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: Because of all the work that you've put in.
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: It's not actually changing anything about your progress. It's just
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: taking the focus off it for the moment. Yeah, So
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: I thought that is you know, if we're talking quite
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: literally about the U project, that for me was like
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: it was such a light bulb moment of Yeah, things
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: are always you're going to have those moments of it
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: being up and down, but depending on the work that
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: you've already put in, it's not going to change your
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: progress and then eventually the swing will stop and you
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: can start the bush again.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I think also like when we're aiming for something,
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: chasing something, trying to create an outcome. So I'm writing
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: this down because I'm thinking this through in real time.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: This is how much I don't prepare. Well, I couldn't
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: because I didn't know what you're going to ask. But
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: we talk about So I've written on my page goal,
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: there's the thing that we want. Then I've written underneath goal,
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: I've got a circle around goal, and then an arrow
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: down to the word story. We all have a story
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: about what happens when I get the goal, and it's
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: always something good. Right, Yeah, I'm my self esteem will
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: be great because now I'm in shape. My confidence will
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: be greater because now I've got fifty thousand followers, not
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: five my you know fill in the blank. And I
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: think that is the expectation that we have, or the
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: belief that we have tied into a theoretical does not
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: yet exist outcome. And then I would say, how many
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: times have you achieved a goal or done a thing
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: that you wanted to do and did not have the
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: subsequent subsequent emotional or psychological or broadly speaking, internal shift,
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: And most of us would go nearly every time. It
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: might have been temporarily better. But then, you know, if
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: we talk about satisfaction and contentment, very few people are
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: actually content. And you go, oh, yeah, but if I
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: do this, change that, own that earn that, get that
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: I will be I doubt it. I doubt it, Which
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: is not to say getting earning, having owning, achieving is bad,
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: of course not. But I've never got to the point
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: where I think, oh yeah, I've got it, sort it out,
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: and I'm I'm content. I will never want anything else.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: I am fulfilled. I am fucking hell, I have figured
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: it out. Hey, world, eyes to me, listen the fuck up.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: You know it's no you're a human like you're going
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: to get there and go, oh fuck here, I don't
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: want to be here. I thought I wanted to be here,
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: you know. And then then what's interesting is interesting is
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: to go, what is that about? What is the psychological
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: or emotional or spiritual thing that I really want but
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: don't know that I want it or really need while
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: I think I want something else. Like this is when
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: we start to get hold on kel. It's about to
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: get fucking deep. This is when we start to get
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: past goal setting and personal growth and you know, human
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: performance and all of that stuff is good because that's
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: part of who we are. But also, do you and
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: me and every one of our listeners know someone who
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: you would go fuck and how They're a stud, they're
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: a superstar, they're successful, and they're miserable as fuck, Yet
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: none of them want to be miserable outside looking in
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: all shiny and successy inside overthinking self doubt, paranoia, depression, anxiety, medication,
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: darkness not light, and you go, dude, you're chasing the
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: wrong things or you look for the right solutions in
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: the wrong places. And this is opening a door on
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: real high level self understanding and awareness and consciousness where
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: we start to question our own beliefs about what will
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: fix me, what will make me happy. You know, when
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: I was and I don't say this to you know,
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: but when I was young thirty, I was way more
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: successful financially commercially da da da da than I thought
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: I would ever be in my entire life. And I
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: was thirty, and I'm like, well, how did this happen?
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: And why do I still feel like dogshit? And why
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: am I insecure when I have that and known that
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: and earned that and got a profile and I've got
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: all these things, I've got all these shits, And how
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: come in the middle of all of my shit? And
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: again just my experience, but I know I was. I
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: definitely remember thinking back when I was twenty and I
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: was working in pubs four nights a week, I'm getting
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: punched in the face for twelve dollars an hour, and
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: I was working in gyms for someone else, and I
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: was on a wage, and I had mates and we
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: did dumb shit and my girlfriends and we just life
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: was just fun. And I'm like, I definitely remember. And
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: that's not to say one or the other. That was
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: just my story. It's like I was in a situation
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: that no one would aspire to, perhaps like my practical
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: reality of my world. I had a shit car, had
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: a shit motorbike. I didn't own a house. Every week
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: I'd make you know, four more dollars than I needed
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: to survive and in the middle of that happiest shit
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: and then you go and now I've a gieved all
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: these fucking amazing things, and I yeah, so I think,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: and I don't have a single answer to that. I
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: just think, fuck, that is an interesting phenomenon. You know,
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: let's what is that about for me? What is that
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: about for you? And it's like, what do you want
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: to be when you're forty well you know? And then
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: you go, well, why do you want to be it?
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: And do you really want to be it? And then
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: if you do you get there? What then.
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: Who knows?
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: That's why I kind of think.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: When I was planning for my holiday last year, there
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: was these things I was reading and someone said, sometimes
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: it's in the planning and the anticipation and the looking
• 46:20
  Speaker 3: forward to that it's far more rewarding and far more
• 46:25
  Speaker 3: exciting than the actual getting there and the doing and
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: the scene. And it's like having you know, you've got
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: something marked in your calendar of Hey, I've got this
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: to look forward to, and there's all of this time
• 46:37
  Speaker 3: in between that I'm going to be doing whatever it
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: is I'm doing, but I've got this thing here to
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: look forward to and at the moment for me, because
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: I do feel I feel really good within myself physically.
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: It's like, Okay, well, I know that I'm still doing
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: this kind of challenge thing for another couple of weeks,
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: but I don't even care anymore. I don't care what
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: the end result is because I know my thing thinking
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: around it has changed and that is giving me this
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: internal sense of achievement already and I haven't even got
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: to where.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: The you know, the arbitrary goal is. So the reframe
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: of the doing being the reward.
• 47:19
  Speaker 3: Like, I'm finding that's working for me and it's keeping
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: me consistent, and it's something that.
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: It's just working for me.
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: Something is clipped over around my brain that's saying the
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: doing is the reward, not the end goal. It's going
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: to be a number or this or that, And I
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: don't know, maybe maybe that's maybe there's something in there.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely A couple of things come to mind when
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: you say that. One is how people get excited about
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: a holiday for a year. And this part this couple
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: talk about where we're going to do it and what
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: we're going to look see that, and then we'll go
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: and see that we'll stay in this joint and I mean,
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: tell them why we're going to France in Mapril next year.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, and which is great. They go and they
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: almost fucking hate it because it's not as good as
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: the idea. It's like, ah, the food kind of sucks.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: The guy that served us was a prick. It's hot
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: as fuck or whatever. Like, sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: There's the idea of what we're going to do, and
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: then there's the thing that we're going to do, and
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: sometimes you know that aligns and sometimes it doesn't. But
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: another thing that came to mind was, so what if
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: we just said to ourselves, like, oh, some days I'm
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: going to have a shit day and that's fine. Some
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: days I'm going to be sad. That's fine, because that's
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: what humans do. You know. Some days I'm going to
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: be happy as fuck. I might not even know why
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy today. And sometimes I'm going to get disappointed.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: And sometimes I'm going to win, sometimes I'm going to lose.
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: And in the middle of all of those human experiences,
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: I'll just try and navigate and I'll just try and
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: have the best mindset that I can. I'll try and
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: self regulate as well as I can. Like, you've been
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: going through stuff with Nan, who you love, and it's
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: some of it sucks, some of it's fucking horrible. It's
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: not where you want to be, how you want to be,
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: it's not how you want her to be. It's it's
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: all the things. But also there's a knowing you can't
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: control it. It's just happening. So in that instance, we
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: resign ourselves and we go all right, well, this is
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: in some shape or form inevitable, So how do I
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: be of service to Nan? How do I love her?
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: How do I mentally, emotionally practically love her? And you
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: just all of a sudden, you're like, oh, wow, I
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: might have six months with her that I didn't think
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: I would have, or a year or whatever it is,
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: and you're just grateful. You're just grateful for something that
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: you were never truly grateful for because she was always
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: just there, you know. So I think there's you know,
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: context and reframing. And I remember recently, I can't remember
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: what day, but in the last three weeks I had
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: a day where I was fucking sad, and I'm like, wow,
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: I don't get sad. I'm Craig Harper, and I'm like,
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: I don't get sad. What the fuck is wrong with me?
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: I was flat? And Melissa rang me and I go, fuck,
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: I'm flat. She's like really, I go and she was
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: like you, I'm like me, I'm flat as fuck. I
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: feel sad. I don't talk to anyone. People are ringing me,
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not answering, and I'm like, oh, okay, so this
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: is new, this is new. I don't know what was
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: going on. I still don't know. I think I suspect
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: a bit of unling, underlying stuff with mum and dad
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: and a few issues and PhD and getting shit done,
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: taking a few bucks and you know, personally trying to
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: fucking get healthy, and it's all the things, and it's
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: Tuesday and you feel like shit. So there you go,
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: sham Tuesday, feeling shit. I'm like Roger that so and
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: the next day quite a bit better. Next day, brand new,
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: happy as fucked. I don't know why I didn't do
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: anything in particular, but I think the goal of being
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: happy may not be the best goal.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: No.
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: I think the goal of just navigating life successfully and
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: if you're happy, great, If you're sad, that's Okay. If
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: you're confused, that's cool. If you're clear, that's cool. Also,
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: for God's sake, stop needing to be right. Stop needing
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: to be right, stop needing to win arguments and conversations,
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: Stop needing to show the world some form of how
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: good you are.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I'm so glad you said that.
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: If you're good, we're going to fucking know, Champ. The
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: more you tell me how good you are, the less
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: I believe you. So fucking shush one and two, just
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: do you blue boom, We'll get it.
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so glad you said that, because in a
• 51:53
  Speaker 3: month's kind of feeling as though so many different elements
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: have been spinning out of control. Like I will very
• 52:00
  Speaker 3: honestly put my hand up and say I've been such
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: a little shit with wanting to be right, because it's
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: coming from this place of well, if I'm right, then
• 52:10
  Speaker 3: I'm in control of that, and that means that there's
• 52:12
  Speaker 3: something that is still moving in the right way. And
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: you know, it means that I'm in control of that,
• 52:20
  Speaker 3: and it means that I know something, and it means that, yeah,
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: I'm good. But then it's like, stop talking, stop trying
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: to prove something. You're actually coming across as a bit
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: of an asshole. So maybe just take a step back
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: and let someone else talk.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: And that's yeah, it's very much. It's been kind of
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: front and center of my mind to stop doing that.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: No one likes it, you don't like it, you actually
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: feel like shit afterwards. So what is this inherent kind
• 52:49
  Speaker 3: of need to say.
• 52:52
  Speaker 2: I know that, I know that you don't know what
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: you're talking about. I know better than you.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Stop talking, and you think about also on a social
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: media level. And I'm not throwing social media under the
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: bus because I think sometimes it's a really good tool
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: and sometimes it's not. And I think we need to
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: take responsibility for the impact that social media has on us,
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: because you know, where like nobody's putting a gun to
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: here to make oh yeah, but they've developed these things
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: so that it hijacks your brain, and that has an
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: hijacked mine hasn't hijacked a lot of you know, it's
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: not like this mandatory I'm a fucking puppet at the
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: mercy of It's like, there needs to be some level
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: of accountability and responsibility on an on an individual level
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: as well as the social media company is having some responsibility.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: But what I was going to say is, so, you know,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: you jump into social media IG for me, and you
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: scroll and you're like, you're looking at all of these
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: fictional fucking stories that people are wheeling out as though
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: this is truth, Like, ah, you know, how happy or
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: how successful or how lean or how amazing or how
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: fucking we'll fill in the blank, and we go, oh,
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: I want to be like they want to be like
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: who I want to be like him? Look how amazing that? No,
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: that's not their life. That's a fucking real on a
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: platform that they have probably shot thirty five different times
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: in three different fucking light settings with four different mics,
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: with some motherfucker holding the camera, and then they've edited
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: the shit out of that to produce this little thing
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: that you think just them casually strolling through their excellent existence, right, bro,
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: come on, Like, for me, I find it interesting, but
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: I know what it is, and I know what it
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: isn't you know? This is not life. This is a show.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's literally like a little movie that someone's created.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: Like we don't watch movies, going fuck, I love this
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: documentary because we know it's a fucking movie. So don't
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: think the movies, the mini movies you're watching on social media,
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: are documentaries or any reflection of reality. There's some exceptions,
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: but most not really. And so that's going. No, life
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: is not a fucking Disney movie. Life is not fucking
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: you know, fluffy puppies and unicorns. It's not. It's life.
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: Life's life. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes it's horrible. You know, I've
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: got friends right now going through all kinds of horrible shit.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: Ask them how life's going. It ain't a reel on Instagram,
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: you know, like like our friend that you know, Johnny
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: comes to the gym last eight years, it's just gone
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: eight years since he got blown up. Eight years with
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: a traumatic brain injury. Eight years with daily pain, I
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: mean fucking nine out of ten pain, eight years with
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: a spinal did I say spinal cord or traumatic brain injury,
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: got both of them, and eight years of walking with
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: great difficult not eight years because he was in a
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: wheelchair at first, you know. And that's his day, like
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: he never has Yes, he has moments of joy and fun,
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: but if you look at the totality of twenty four
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: hour period, he never has a great day. Every day
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: contains pain and discomfort, and considerable work, an organization to
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: get out of bed in the morning to be somewhat
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: operational for the day. So don't tell me how fucking
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: amazing life is. Everyone. You know, maybe your life truly
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: is amazing, maybe maybe you're the unicorn, but life is
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: just life. For some people, it's beautiful. For some people
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: it's fucking horrible. We don't want to talk about the
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: horrible because we're all about pumping our fist and walking
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: on hot coals and being putting light into the world. Well,
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: guess what, some people live in darkness. You don't want
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: to acknowledge it, you don't like it, but that is
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: some people's reality. So we need to be compassionate and
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: if we can be a little bit of light. I
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: try to be a little bit of light in Johnny's life.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: If I can do that, then I'm proud. But I'm
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: not pretending his life is good. You know, there's that
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: we've got to, like, fucking get out of the fairy
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: talent into this is what life.
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: Is, absolutely and they're the far more rewarding conversations as well.
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: I've become quite good friends with someone from the gym
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: who and she won't mind me mentioning, but she posted
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: on social media about her depression and how she didn't
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: want to be here anymore and that, like, I just
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: sent her a message and I said, you know, I
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: don't know you. I see you at the gym and
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: I always look at you and think, you know, she's
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: she's super fit, she's really lean, she's you know, got
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: it all together. And she put this really honest post
• 57:38
  Speaker 3: out and I just said to her, I'm really glad
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: that you changed your mind, and I'm really glad that
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: you're still here. And I don't know you, but please
• 57:45
  Speaker 3: send me a message anytime you feel shit.
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: And so we have been messaging each other quite a bit.
• 57:51
  Speaker 3: Now, and all we know about each other is that
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: we're both really you know, vulnerable human beings who dip
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: into mental health issues here and there.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: And it's.
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: Probably one of the realest connections that I have. So
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: that that is a good side of social media. It's
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: just it's a message that we send each other. But yeah,
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: that's you don't have that level of conversation or depth
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: of connection with people who are going, hey, check out
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: my makeup tutorial or you know this, you know, here's
• 58:26
  Speaker 3: what's on my plate. For the day, or you know,
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: here's the latest viral recipe. So yeah, I think, you know,
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: not to sound wanky, but I think there's a real
• 58:38
  Speaker 3: beauty that can come out of that darkness if you're
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: willing to be vulnerable around it and.
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: Talk to the right people.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, beautiful, I agree, because that's the human experience. Also,
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: before anyone gets mad at me, I'm not saying social
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: media is bad at all. Also, I'm not saying building
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: a business or a profile is bad. I think you know,
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: it's like I've got a few follows, I've got a
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: few listeners. That's cool, of course, and I'm grateful for that,
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: but it's not my identity. And you know, but there
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: are other people who jump online and they're purely online
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: just to sell this or sell that. Also, well done.
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: You know. If you want to build a business, a
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: micro business or an online business and you're doing great, well,
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: then go you like go you. So it's this is
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: the thing. It's like with with any single thing. Is
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: cake bad? No? If you have three bits a day,
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: well yeah, this booze bad. What depends, doesn't it. It's
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: like my mum and dad drink booze. They're eighty six. Yeah,
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: they're probably going all right. You know, it's like, do
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: I drink booze? No? Does that make me better? No?
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: Or maybe I'd be a better person if I had
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: a fucking wine or a beer each day, accounty, I
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: don't know. But it's like these yeah, these things are
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: not arbitrary so much. You know, maybe if you things
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: like well, we know cigarettes are probably going to fuck
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: you up. But you know, is our social media good
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: or bad? Both? Both? But it's really not about is
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: it inherently good or bad. It's really about how it
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: is used by people and how it impacts people. It's
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: more than that, you know, And even over time we
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: find out via a lot of our guests on even
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: this show, it's like, oh, the thing that we used
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: to think was really bad, eating lots of meat might
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: actually not be bad, you know, Or maybe this kind
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: of oil is you know, don't ever have fucking butter now?
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: Some people are like, no, you should just have butter. Again.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not endorsing or rejecting anything. I'm just you know,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: this is the thing, and it's like, I like, for me,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: I've never I've never been less busy in the sense
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: that I don't have multiple business and I don't have
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: lots of stuff, and I don't have sixteen meetings a day.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: But I feel the richest I've ever felt, and not
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: because of money. Like I'm like, oh, how good is
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: my fucking life? How good is my life? And I go,
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: I am you know, of course there's money, which we
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: call wealth, And then I go, yeah, what about your
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: emotional bank account or your spiritual bankccount, or your social
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: bank account or your mental bank account or how's that going?
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: But we're so preoccupied with the first one, not the
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: last four, that we feel the first one sometimes again,
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: that's not a bad thing, that's an amazing thing. But
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: then then around that, you know, is my identity intertwined
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: with the ship that I own and the money that
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: I have, or is that just a resource available to
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: me to do the stuff that I'm actually passionate about.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 3: Look, I would dare say that for me, like my identity,
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: Like I know that I have a lot of really
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 3: wonderful people in my life, and I look at them
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 3: and it's kind of like, well, if someone as amazing
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: as this person is in my life and they come
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: to me and support me when they know that I'm
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 3: not feeling great.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: That is worth more than any.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: Bank balance, because you've got the right people around you
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: that support you and love you and care for you
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 3: when you need it, and also you get to do
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: the same for them and they accept that from you.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: And I know for a lot of people in my life,
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: they don't let.
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 2: Just anyone in. And to know that, you know.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: It's a relationship that goes both ways in that they
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 3: can be for you and you can be for them.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: That's my absolute wealth.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: And yet there'll be people listening to you and I going, yeah,
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: it's all right for you, Harps. You're a faculty fucking
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: single bloke living in wherever. I've got four kids and
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: we're a one income household and my wife or me
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: and my husband and six miles and four lots of education.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: And then you go, well for you one as best
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: I can understand, not being you, I understand total empathy,
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: total love, and I get that like making money practically,
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: that's just got to be your priority now, absolutely, you know,
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: And it's like it's situation dependent. I'm going to give
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: you an eight and a half for this. You've done
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: very well. I don't want to give you a ten,
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: because I want to give you something to work towards
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: and aspire to excellent.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: I like doing the work.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: How did you feel getting back behind the wheel?
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: Great? Really, really good.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: It's nice to be stretched in ways that I wouldn't
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 3: normally be And that's really what I'm getting out of
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 3: the conversations that I get to have with you. So yeah,
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 3: I feel really good.
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: What I want people to know and correct me if
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: I fuck any of this up. But like you and I,
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: I've never sat down and had a coffee together. We've
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: never had a meal together, we've never hung out together.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: We know each other through the gym and we message
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: back and forth, we have the odd phone call, a
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: few SMSs. But my understanding of you is this is
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: not your natural wheelhouse, right, You're way down the introvert
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: rather than the extrovert end of the scale.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, Why do you?
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: And I know it's not because you want to people
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: to know you and you don't want to be or
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 1: you want to be famous. I know it's not that,
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: because I fucking know you. Why do you want to
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: come on and chat to me in this situation that
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: is not By the way, you're getting better and better.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's the Maybe that's the reason, right. And even
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: at the start when I did the first one with you,
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 1: I remember talking to Melissa going for somebody who's fucking
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: nervous and shy and an introvert. She did an amazing
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: job just talking. So what's your reason for wanting to
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: do it?
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: I think so in person, I have a lot of
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 3: social anxiety, and that's something that I've worked through. I
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 3: think the fact that this is through a screen, there's that.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: Barrier.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 3: There's a physical barrier, right, So we're not actually in
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 3: the same room. We're having a conversation. You're not kind
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 3: of looking at me in any way. That's you know, judging.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: Like you know what.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 3: It's likely to have conversations with people in person and
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: they might give you a bit of a look up
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 3: and down, and then suddenly your train of thought has
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 3: gone to, oh my god, what are they looking at? Like?
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 2: Do I is my fly undone?
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 3: You know? Is my shoe less undone? Like what's going on?
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 3: But I'm also I reached out to you the first
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 3: time when I was on this huge journey of learning
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: about self awareness. Meditation was in there, learning about the brain,
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 3: was in their physical learning as well. And you know,
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 3: to me, you were always just the scary dude at
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 3: the gym, and I always wondered why everybody flocked to you.
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 3: And then I started listening to what you're putting out
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, this is so fascinating, and.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I just tried my luck.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 3: I thought, from a very selfish perspective, I get to
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 3: ask you questions, and I know from what I see
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 3: on the Facebook groups, there's so many people that want
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 3: to ask you questions. And I'm like, I'm so lucky
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: to be able to do this, so preparing for it,
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 3: thinking about it, thinking about, you know, questions that if
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 3: I've got the chance to be asking, let's say, on
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 3: behalf of other people who are curious, what's going to
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 3: be the best use of this time?
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 2: And from that it's just you.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 3: Know, even also, you know, talking with tiff On Hers
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 3: and it's really pushed me out of my comfort zone
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 3: and I as much as I'm introverted, I'm enjoying that.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: And you know what's funny is and this is not
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: an invitation for everyone else, sorry, but if you hadn't asked,
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: never to have happened, right, So you did a really
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: brave few thing asking the scary dude. Hey. I think
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: it started with there are a bunch of people that
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: sent me some questions on the platform. Also everyone I
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: realized I asked for questions a month ago and I
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: haven't got to them. I will get to them. I've
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: still got them in a document. But you went, hey,
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: something like can I ask you those questions? On the
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: ones that were I think that's where we started, wasn't it.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 3: Well? The first one was when you put it out
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 3: and this was a few years ago about the listener
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 3: invasion and you invited three listeners to come and that
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 3: was the first.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: Time, and from then I was always like, how can
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 2: I do it again?
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 3: Because that was just magic and in full disclosure, like
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 3: any time I've thought or been brave enough to say, hey,
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 3: can I have another go? It's been when I'm at
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 3: the gym and all of my endorphins are pumping and
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I've just lifted something heavy.
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: I can do anything, and I'll click your message. And
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: it went from kind of like hi to hey, but
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: a cup.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: Yes, there's been a progression in familiarity. I will say
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: that makes me a little uncomfortable, but no, it's great,
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: it's fun. Well, good for you, I mean talk about
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: a mc C talking about doing something that you want
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: to do but that terrifies you and you want to
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: do but you kind of don't want to do. Yeah,
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: well done you all right, thanks, say goodbye A fair
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: but nice to chab Kel.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: Thanks