Latest / Into The Mud Podcast / Ep. 87: When "Queer Belonging" Doesn't Feel Like Belonging with Gray West

Transcript

Ep. 87: When "Queer Belonging" Doesn't Feel Like Belonging with Gray West · Into The Mud Podcast

0:07
SPEAKER_02: While others celebrate the wins?
0:09
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: We celebrate the mud.
0:12
SPEAKER_01: Each episode has a special guest.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: Tony nominated actress Broadway's Lily Cooper.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: Here's a mana! David A.
0:18
SPEAKER_01: Gregory.
0:19
SPEAKER_01: Getting messy with muddy topics.
0:21
SPEAKER_01: We are going to be talking about grief journey with hilarious moments.
0:25
SPEAKER_02: Now, now get over here.
0:26
SPEAKER_01: And deep conversations.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: Shame to even admit this, but this is what happened.
0:30
SPEAKER_01: This is Into the Mud.
0:35
SPEAKER_01: Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Into the Mud Podcast, while others celebrate the wins.
0:40
SPEAKER_02: We celebrate the mud.
0:41
SPEAKER_02: I'm Alex Cuan.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm Drew King.
0:44
SPEAKER_02: We have a wonderful, wonderful guest here with us today.
0:47
SPEAKER_02: His name is Gray West.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: Yes, hello.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: Which is also, I remember the first time I heard it, I was like, God, that's a sharp name.
0:53
SPEAKER_02: It's a great sharp.
0:54
SPEAKER_02: What's your middle name?
0:55
SPEAKER_00: So it's actually William Gray West.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
0:59
SPEAKER_00: So that's very like cowboy.
1:01
SPEAKER_01: I really that's very Alabama.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: It is, it is.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: And so my dad has the same name.
1:05
SPEAKER_00: So she wanted me to go, my mom wanted me to go by my middle name, so I didn't become little Billy my whole life.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: Oh.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: Because we have two like Joes in our family, and one's still little Joe.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: And he's like 40-50.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: That's incredible.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: So it's always been Gray West.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: I learned how to spell G-R-A-Y as a child.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: I think.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: So first day, yeah, first day of school, they'd correct me and be like, William.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: And I'll be like, it's gray.
1:31
SPEAKER_02: It's gray.
1:31
SPEAKER_02: It's great.
1:32
SPEAKER_02: It's gray, bitch.
1:33
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's it.
1:34
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: Well, you and I know each other through Cellar.
1:37
SPEAKER_02: The comedy cellar.
1:38
SPEAKER_02: Through the world famous comedy cells.
1:41
SPEAKER_00: The dark little dungeon.
1:42
SPEAKER_02: The dungeon.
1:44
SPEAKER_02: The place that does it.
1:47
SPEAKER_02: The dark dungeon of labs.
1:48
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: It is.
1:50
SPEAKER_02: It's such a blast.
1:51
SPEAKER_02: It's good.
1:51
SPEAKER_02: I love you.
1:52
SPEAKER_02: I have such a good vibe that you bring in there.
1:53
SPEAKER_02: I love all your cheetah.
1:55
SPEAKER_02: You have the cheetah print top to bottom.
1:56
SPEAKER_02: You got a good boot.
1:58
SPEAKER_02: You don't host like a motherfucker.
2:00
SPEAKER_02: You're great.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: I love that print.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: It makes people happy.
2:02
SPEAKER_00: And it's just like easy.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: Everybody loves a good cheetah print.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: Everyone loves it.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: It means party.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: It does mean party.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: So you're just like, we're there to have a good time.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: Were you hosting the night that Tim and Alex and I came?
2:13
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
2:13
SPEAKER_01: I think you were.
2:14
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
2:15
SPEAKER_01: But probably.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
2:16
SPEAKER_01: It was at the cellar.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: It was downstairs.
2:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that would have been a view.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's a good thing.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: It's so random.
2:23
SPEAKER_01: It is a few.
2:24
SPEAKER_01: It's so random.
2:25
SPEAKER_00: I love getting on the Reddit and because I peeked at it one time long ago.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: People try and guess like, does this room mean this?
2:32
SPEAKER_00: And this room mean this?
2:34
SPEAKER_00: That's so funny.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh no.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: Like the lore of the city.
2:37
SPEAKER_02: People do think that is I we can uncover we can pull back the veil about this.
2:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
2:43
SPEAKER_02: People, because there's four rooms, right?
2:44
SPEAKER_02: And people think that like they maybe they put like the more experienced comedians or the headless people here, but it's completely, completely spread out.
2:54
SPEAKER_02: Everybody, everybody plays all the rooms.
2:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
2:57
SPEAKER_02: Everybody plays all the rooms.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: Great.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
2:59
SPEAKER_02: So Debas.
3:00
SPEAKER_02: Now we know.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: Myth busters.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: Well, Gray, we're excited to have this topic today because your name rhymes with our topic.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: Gay and gray.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: That was the tackiest, stupidest joke ever.
3:12
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
3:13
SPEAKER_01: So we're going to talk about the myth of queer belonging, body politics, community, and gay life or gray life in 2026.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
3:23
SPEAKER_00: Gay, gray life.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: It's so funny you said that because like I've that's one of the jokes I have, but like ever since the like truth behind the joke is I remember first grade, I can't everyone kept calling me gay.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: And I didn't know like what that meant.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: And then they're like, no, you're not, and like the teachers and all the adults reinforcing, like, no, you're not gay.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: You're not gay.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: And I like didn't know what it meant because they would just, it was, they would just like take out the R of my name all the time and then just call me gay gray.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I don't know what that means.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: They're like, you're not, just go back, go back to the playground, go play.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I remember hearing that all the time.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's like a real reason.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: I suppress, like, I didn't want to be that.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:06
SPEAKER_00: Because I early identified that as like bad.
4:09
SPEAKER_00: Well, like something like stirring a drama as I introduced your channel.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: Why not?
4:14
SPEAKER_00: That's why we're here.
4:15
SPEAKER_02: Well, and you grew up in Alabama.
4:17
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:18
SPEAKER_00: Athens, Alabama, went to elementary school, then moved to Madison, spent two years in Memphis, and then moved back to Huntsville, went to college at Alabama, and then moved to DC.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: So a little spent throughout the South.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: When did you come out?
4:34
SPEAKER_00: I knew kind of in middle school, but I didn't I didn't deal with it at all.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: And then I kept going and it didn't happen till maybe like second semester senior year of college.
4:51
SPEAKER_00: Of like, yeah, no, you didn't because that's just not in an onbell.
4:55
SPEAKER_00: Which like I knew gay people and we loved gay people, but it was one of those, like, oh, we love our neighbor, but not in our house.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: You know, and so it's okay if they do it, but not like here.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: And then, but coming out was fine.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: It was like I told my parents and they were like, okay, well, this is what it is, you know.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah, because I was scared that they were gonna like disown me and whatnot.
5:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, of course.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, everyone has that fear.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: And so then I moved to DC and started living my gay life, I guess.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: Gay government life.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, government life.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: Gay and the government in DC.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was fun.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
5:35
SPEAKER_01: Well, like in in consuming your comedy on the interwebs.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
5:39
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of gay themes in your work.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: There is so Alex talks about this all the time about what it feels like to be the only woman on stage at the comedy cellar in a very, very hyper or in other or in kind of any way in general, but like that the comedy world, I'm not a part of it, both of you are, is like very, I don't know, straight male oriented, shall we say.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: That there's a lot of tokenism.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, you have the one gay guy, the one woman, the one person of color, and then everyone else is like five or six straight white guys.
6:09
SPEAKER_01: What does it feel like for you to be, I guess, like a queer comedian in such a homogeneously heterosexual space?
6:16
SPEAKER_00: It's a double-edged sword, is that it's harder.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: And then the other side is that it is a lot easier.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: Because of the tokenism, you can use it to your advantage, like in safe spaces in a way.
6:30
SPEAKER_02: Cause I feel like if uh I don't know if you feel this way, but like there are like if I'm the only woman on the lineup, I at least am like, okay, I'm the only person this audience is gonna get to like hear about these things.
6:43
SPEAKER_02: So I I do have that kind of like edge of like, I have this whole swath of material that I can talk about that maybe the other comics won't be able to talk about or can't talk about to the degree that I can.
6:54
SPEAKER_02: You know, the downfall is that, and I've talked about this with other female comics too, is that you feel like there's a zero percent margin of error.
7:01
SPEAKER_02: Like if you you are representing I am representing everyone.
7:04
SPEAKER_02: So if I mean if I make a mistake, there's that too, yeah.
7:07
SPEAKER_02: Then all women aren't funny.
7:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
7:09
SPEAKER_02: And it's like, okay, so it it can be a lot of pressure.
7:11
SPEAKER_02: It's it's both, it and it's balancing both, and it's like you just kind of learn how to deal with it and navigate.
7:17
SPEAKER_02: You you just kind of move around it.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: I think being because I I started comedy in DC and like a little bit of Philly.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: I claim both of those I love.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: I think because those tend to be more liberal cities, so there was the okay, let's make sure our lineups are more diverse.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: And so, oh, there's this newer gay comic, let's who's doing well, let's put him on our lineup, which is good, which added the pressure of like, okay, I still need to be able to crush and like go in there and do very well and not be like, because the last thing you want to hear is you get off stage and oh, he was just on the show because he's gay.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: Like you never want that.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: You never want that, which happens.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: That can happen.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: Because you would hear whisperings of that, like, oh, he's getting ahead because, you know, oh, he's gay.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: So she, yeah, it's a saying.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, well, it's because they needed a woman and they needed so that's a good one.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, I just have to work.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: Like, I so I made sure like I'd have to like just keep writing jokes, keep like pushing and going to just know that okay, it's if the audience is laughing or not.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: And if the audience is laughing, then who cares?
8:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
8:24
SPEAKER_02: Do you find or have you historically performed in like like do you do like queer shows or like I have done queer shows.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: Queer shows are hard.
8:33
SPEAKER_00: Queer shows are very difficult.
8:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh, interesting.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: Are the audiences just like judgier?
8:37
SPEAKER_00: The audiences are I could be up there.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: It's that.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: It's that was savage.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: It's that.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, because you've done Broadway.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: And like you do.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: So imagine having to do a show for people who were in the callbacks but didn't get it.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: There was one time I was swear to God, I was doing that.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: I was doing a show out of town, and there was this one guy who was up for the role that I that I had gotten because I was better.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, so I got the role, and that motherfucker came and saw the show on a comp ticket that I gave him, and then he had the audacity to say to everybody, he was like, I should have been in this show after he saw the show.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, You little piece of shit.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: That's so interesting.
9:22
SPEAKER_01: That's so rude.
9:22
SPEAKER_01: That's so rude.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I gave you a free ticket, bitch.
9:25
SPEAKER_01: And at the end of the day, I got it because I was better than you.
9:28
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
9:29
SPEAKER_02: Well, okay, this is a question then that I have that I've been wondering about because does the gay community do you see more support or more competition among like the things that you like I have an answer, but I want to give you an answer first.
9:44
SPEAKER_02: When I think about like with women, and I saw this on a th I saw someone post a thread about this.
9:50
SPEAKER_02: Um, uh a black woman posted, like, do white women support each other the way that like black women are like kind of at each other's backs?
9:58
SPEAKER_02: And no, I think white women do not.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: And particularly like I have experienced in comedy, just like after a while you become friends with people, but when you are like new to a scene and just like because there is that like one spot on the lineup, there's more competition amongst women than there is camaraderie.
10:15
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
10:16
SPEAKER_02: And it's that idea of like fighting for the one seat at the table rather than asking why there are not more seats at the table for the people that look like you, or you know, have your similar experiences.
10:26
SPEAKER_02: And so that's my I've just been wondering if you have thoughts on that.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: I have so many thoughts.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: I think in j what are your thoughts?
10:37
SPEAKER_00: You go first.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: Because I I Noah.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: Instinct, my gut.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'll go with my gut.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: My gut answer is no, like we don't.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: But then I start thinking about the individual times that like so many people within the queer community have helped me and have reached out.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: But it doesn't sometimes help doesn't look like buying a ticket to see the show.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it can be, hey, my friend is doing a podcast somewhere, you should do that to promote your shows.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: Or you, my friend, like it's like helping each other out, being there as someone to talk to, yeah, if you have like an issue or something.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't necessarily mean and also for me in my instance, sometimes I want to go out and have a night out with my friends.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes something funny happens, I'll write it down.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: And they ended up helping me with a story that has like grown into something supportive in a way.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: And it's more like friends.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
11:37
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, mine is mine's more of a controversial opinion.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: I think I think we've dug into this quite a few times.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: I hate gay men.
11:43
SPEAKER_01: No.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: Um it's it's controversial in the sense that uh mine's a no.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: Like I think that it's a no.
11:50
SPEAKER_01: And that no, that no, there there really isn't as much support and love for each other as there should be, especially considering all that gay men have gone through and and what our community has been through.
12:01
SPEAKER_01: I wish that there were more love and support.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: I think there is in many, many, many, many ways.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: I, in my experience, I have my own beautiful, queer community that I fucking love.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: I have the most amazing friends.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: I love everyone in my life.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: However, going to, we always talk about like horse meat disco or going to Fire Island or even like all the gay safe spaces, I don't feel safe there.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: I don't feel welcomed in in very many different areas.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: In Broadway and the Broadway community, I didn't feel like I was a part of the community because I wasn't hot enough or I wasn't talented enough.
12:32
SPEAKER_01: Right.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: I never felt like I was in the in-crowd.
12:34
SPEAKER_01: I always felt like I was the kid at lunch that was like, oh, the cool kids are sitting over there.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: And like maybe they'll invite me to sit with them one day, is how I've always felt about the gay community, how I've always unfortunately felt about the Broadway community.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: And people are gonna give me so much shit for that, but that's just how I felt.
12:50
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
12:50
SPEAKER_02: Well, I also, anyone who wants to give you shit for that is not allowed to.
12:54
SPEAKER_02: You can't give someone shit for how they feel.
12:56
SPEAKER_02: For sure.
12:57
SPEAKER_01: If you like, that's that's your emotion, like you know.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: Right.
13:00
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's hard to be someone in life who is othered as a kid, and then you come out.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: We talked about this on the episode with well adjusting, you know, to be othered as a kid and feel like trapped and be like, I can't be myself, and then you finally come out thinking that you're like, uh, I belong now, I belong to the community.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: And then you show up at the party and the hot gays are like, no, you're still not welcome here because you don't have money, abs, seven fire island houses.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: Right.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: What's your take?
13:27
SPEAKER_00: I look at that.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Katrina Colby, classic shout out, drag queen in DC.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: She calls calls on the gays with no lives.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: That's what they do.
13:34
SPEAKER_00: They go from one concert to the next concert to Fire Island, to you know, oh, then we'll go to P Town, then we'll go to Horse Meat Disco, then we'll do that.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: Rinse, repeat, copy, paste, no lives.
13:47
SPEAKER_00: You keep copying what the other twink is doing next to you.
13:50
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: And it's no individuality.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: It was so funny.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: She pulled up, uh, is she also in the same brunch that we were at?
13:57
SPEAKER_00: She just pulled up this this hot guy, uh, his Instagram, and it was all it was like shirtless, shirtless, shirtless, shirt, shirtless, shirt, shirtless, shirt, list, shirt.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: And she scrolls, she said, Wow, how diverse.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: And just threw it down.
14:10
SPEAKER_00: Which is so true because it's like, well, where's the where's the personality?
14:14
SPEAKER_00: Where's the that?
14:14
SPEAKER_00: And that's okay, like if you do that, but the way I look at it, I know I'm not part of that culture.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: I've never been part of that culture.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: I I don't think I would do uh I like P Town, but I like going to see the shows.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't like having sex under the dock.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Which is the different like part.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, I want to go like see the plays.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: Like, do you know my friends are like, we're trying to go get laid?
14:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what?
14:38
SPEAKER_01: Like, what the I don't think do you know about the dick dock?
14:41
SPEAKER_02: I can imagine that it's similar to the Fire Island boardwalk.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: So Dick Doc is actually it's it's a really it's a poetry reading that they do every Monday.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no.
14:50
SPEAKER_01: There's a there's a literally a dock, and then you like at nighttime, people go underneath and like fuck under the dock in the dark.
14:58
SPEAKER_00: I I was because I'm like very like I'm kind of a prude, but I I went like to listen.
15:03
SPEAKER_00: I was like, is it true?
15:04
SPEAKER_00: Just to the true, and I walked down and I could hear it.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not just the sound.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: You can hear it.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: Cause we're on the pod.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: And for the listeners, but yes, it is that times 75 different low time jellyfishes.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, and I'm just like, ew, and I was just like, ew, I ran away.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, I don't know.
15:24
SPEAKER_00: That wasn't for yeah.
15:26
SPEAKER_00: Do you go back?
15:26
SPEAKER_00: Like, I kind of look at it like soccer.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: Like being gay is a sport.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: If you call it like follow me through.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: So it's like, I'm gay.
15:35
SPEAKER_00: That's like liking sports.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: And like that little subset soccer, like I'm not into that.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I'll ever be into that.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: If someone had a ticket to a soccer game, I go to a soccer game, and I have a text and I say, Hey, I'm not really into soccer, but I'd like to hang out with you.
15:51
SPEAKER_00: So if like one of my best friends texts me and they're like, hey, like, I got tickets to Horse Bean Disco, will you come?
15:57
SPEAKER_00: If the stars align, like I don't have a show, I don't have I'll like, yeah, I'll go check it out.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: But I'm just not, it's just not doing it for me.
16:05
SPEAKER_02: Gay men are not a monolith.
16:07
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's not like it's not like, oh, you're gay, so all of you like to do the same thing.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I feel like that is what's advertised as the like stereotypical gay man.
16:19
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
16:19
SPEAKER_02: Well, we talked about this with the gays of national parks, right?
16:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
16:22
SPEAKER_02: Of like what are the forest gays saying?
16:24
SPEAKER_02: The forest gays.
16:25
SPEAKER_02: What are the forest gays?
16:26
SPEAKER_02: The forest fairies fairies.
16:28
SPEAKER_02: That like part of why that was started was because people were like, well, I don't want to like go out and do drugs and dance and drink.
16:36
SPEAKER_02: Like, I I want to go hike.
16:38
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
16:39
SPEAKER_02: I just want to go hike, but I want to go hike with queer people.
16:41
SPEAKER_02: Queer people.
16:42
SPEAKER_02: I want to feel safe on the trails.
16:43
SPEAKER_01: I want to like, you know, and and that was safe on the trails.
16:46
SPEAKER_01: What faggots gonna help you on the trails if a bear shows up?
16:49
SPEAKER_00: None of them.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, a bear shows up.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, someone shows up.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm kidding.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: I'm kidding.
16:58
SPEAKER_01: Wow, we're gonna get so much hate for this episode.
16:59
SPEAKER_01: No, we're not.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: I've also never been into drugs.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, I I'm never just they've scared me.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and they scare me.
17:05
SPEAKER_00: Like ketamine, that scares me.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: Cocaine.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: I had some friends, O D when I was like early, like 20.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: On what?
17:14
SPEAKER_00: Me moved to Miami for college, freshman year, probably.
17:18
SPEAKER_00: Cocaine.
17:18
SPEAKER_00: And then like that week he died.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: And then another guy in my grade.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: And I just remember that.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: So when I went into college, I was like, I'll black out, but I'm not gonna like do drugs.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: And I just never touched drugs in college.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: Towards the end, senior year, we came home from the apartment.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: We were climbing up the steps to get to the apartment.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: We found like a huge bag of weed, and we were like, oh my god, this is crazy.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: And we like all smoked it one afternoon and there was too much of it.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: So I gave it to one of the waiters I worked with every Tuesdays.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm not gonna finish this here.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah.
17:50
unknown: Yeah.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: So I don't know.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I've just never been like drug, like they scare me.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: It's not always, of course, we're saying it's not, it's not always about drugs.
18:00
SPEAKER_01: For many people, it's it's there are plenty of sober, hot guys that are going to horse meat disco.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: Of course, who do have interesting, amazing, cool, fascinating lives.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:07
SPEAKER_01: It's like even if drugs aren't involved, it's like, I don't know, being on the beach at Fire Island.
18:11
SPEAKER_01: It's like like seeing those clusters.
18:13
SPEAKER_01: We always say, I always say, I'm I'm scared of groups of gay men.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: It's like seeing like a cluster of like hot, traditionally hot gay men all gathered on the beach is terrifying to me.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: Terrifying.
18:23
SPEAKER_01: And of course, that's you know, one of our other topics we're gonna dive into is like body image as well.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: Why is it scary?
18:28
SPEAKER_00: Because you want, do you want to be part of them or do you feel like they're gonna be able to do that?
18:30
SPEAKER_00: That's what I hate.
18:31
SPEAKER_01: That's what I hate.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: I think that's what it is, is like I want to I want to be invited to the table.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to sit at the table because I like my friends better, but I want to be wanted.
18:41
SPEAKER_01: Right.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: It's like the ultimate that's a human want and a human desire.
18:45
SPEAKER_01: Is that whether or not you're gonna go to the party, you at least want to be invited.
18:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: And I don't feel invited to many of those parties or to those groups.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I don't know.
18:53
SPEAKER_02: Um It was interesting when we went, because we've gone to Fire Island a couple times together, and I remember like the first time we went, just really like seeing it in action again.
19:02
SPEAKER_02: Like, whoa, yeah, yeah, it is like elitism on crack.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: It's wild.
19:06
SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: I've seen pictures and I don't think it's something I would enjoy.
19:11
SPEAKER_01: I will I will say go to Cherry Grove.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: Also, I don't like the beach.
19:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm a mountains person.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm a mountains.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I like a cube.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: Like when I like because so many people they're like, when I make it, I'm gonna have a beach house.
19:23
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, no, I'll have a cabin, like Cabin in the mountain.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Gallenburg, Chattanooga, like somewhere like that.
19:30
SPEAKER_00: Like a nice, like cozy.
19:32
SPEAKER_00: I like that cozy feeling.
19:33
SPEAKER_00: I love Chattanooga.
19:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, Chattanooga's cute.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: Something like that.
19:35
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
19:36
SPEAKER_01: Let's talk body image.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: I guess maybe we can all get it.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: Let's talk for sure.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: Sure.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: I had a rough one.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: I grew up.
19:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what's your what's your experience when it comes to the way that you perceive yourself and the way that your body or that the world has perceived you in your body?
19:50
SPEAKER_01: What's that experience been like for you?
19:52
SPEAKER_00: I know for me, starting off, like my mom was kind of very rude to me about my body image growing up.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: But I think that stems from her mom being rude to her.
20:01
SPEAKER_00: Her mom was abusive.
20:03
SPEAKER_00: And my mom was very skinny.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: And so her mom would give her like give her money and force her to go eat ice cream like after school and like force her to like get bigger and stuff because she was too skinny and stuff.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: And so my mom, uh, it kind of she was like, I'll never be like that.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, anything because I got a degree in theater, and anytime I didn't get a role or things weren't going well, she would call and like I just remember the quote like I was up for Shakespeare Theater in DC, and like just right after she said, Well, if you had lost that 10 pounds, and it was like those calls, and then we'd had a falling out.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: I said, Don't call me if you're ever gonna talk to me like this.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: So it's but still carrying that that like body like trauma and things, and then putting on top of it gay world of like a twink, a bear, an otter, a this, a that.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I don't know what they're like, yeah, oh no, because like then when the body positivity thing came around, they're like, the bears, and you're seeing like all these like bigger guys, but they're like muscle bears.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: They're not, I guess they're muscly.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: I don't know, but I'm like, I'm not that big.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: But then I look to the other side, I'm like, well, I'm not that small.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, I just look like I like cheese.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's it.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm just like in between.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: I like to like eat a little bit.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: And so it has like manifested and like my weight has always fluctuated a lot, but I've I'm never happy ever.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: Like, even like when I'm down, I'm uh I'm never, I'm never happy because I in my it's in the back of my mind of like it should be more.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because even when even when I'm losing weight, it's like, well, because then you get the compliments, which come a lot of time.
21:41
SPEAKER_02: Great.
21:42
SPEAKER_02: Like, when have you lost weight?
21:44
SPEAKER_00: And like there's some people that have like have started taking Ozimpic, and I make sure, like, because even if they're on Ozympic, I make sure to like not comment when the I just don't comment on people, like, oh wow, did you lose even if they're on it and they've told me they're on it, yeah, I don't want That to be a reward, but unfortunately, we see it as a reward.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: We really do working in the entertainment industry.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: It is a reward to be as much as we like sit around, like you can say it till you're blue in the face.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: Like there's nothing wrong with like being bigger or looking a certain way, but certain things are rewarded for looking a certain way.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:20
SPEAKER_01: That's a social cultural standard in the world, but also primarily in America.
22:25
SPEAKER_00: Because it's like it's looking at, well, they're getting these things because we're hot.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: I was with someone and they were like, after shows, do you ever get met do you get menhead on you?
22:35
SPEAKER_00: Rarely.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: Same.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: Rarely.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: And I was with someone, I was with someone, and they were like, oh, that every time.
22:42
SPEAKER_00: Four to five a show.
22:44
SPEAKER_00: And they were like, you get it, Gray.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: And I said, look me.
22:48
SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, I don't.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, yeah, you do.
22:50
SPEAKER_00: It's like part of like, yeah, like you afterwards, you know, you do this, and like women come up and they're always this, this, this.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: And I said, look me in my eyes.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: Never, not once has this happened to me.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: I need to know who it was.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: I will tell you off camera.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: I will tell you all my eyes.
23:06
SPEAKER_00: Tell us, but we won't.
23:07
SPEAKER_00: No, no.
23:08
SPEAKER_00: There's three cameras and eight microphones.
23:10
SPEAKER_00: Just tell me just what's right.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: It's not who you're thinking.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: But what were you gonna say?
23:14
SPEAKER_01: I was the okay, Alex is like, nah, I get hit on much, but there was one time this like fucking hot guy slid in her DMs and sent her this message.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: Do you remember?
23:24
SPEAKER_01: And Alex was like, ew, and me and my roommate Tim were like, he's hot, do it.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: Do it.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: I know.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: That's how made people are like, my DMs are crazy.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, am I looking at the white DMs?
23:34
SPEAKER_00: My DMs are like that.
23:35
SPEAKER_02: I'll take it back.
23:35
SPEAKER_02: I'll take it back.
23:37
SPEAKER_02: I will say I actually remember I actually dated someone for a few weeks uh last summer, summer before, um, who slid into the DMs after a train.
23:45
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
23:46
SPEAKER_02: Um, and so that was like the kind of first time that ever worked.
23:49
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
23:50
SPEAKER_02: And but I will say that men, straight men, typically don't see women on stage and go, ooh, that's hot.
23:59
SPEAKER_02: They see it as a threat, or they see it as like, I don't want, I don't want her to talk about me.
24:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:05
SPEAKER_02: And I have a joke about this where it's like men's biggest fear is that like, like, oh, what are you gonna do?
24:10
SPEAKER_02: Like, you make a joke about me, and it's like, yeah, and if I do that, you'll kill me.
24:15
SPEAKER_02: Like you will murder.
24:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:16
SPEAKER_00: Like that's like we hear about everyone's relationships on stage through just listening.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: Right.
24:23
SPEAKER_00: We're like, oh, they're going through a divorce right now.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: They're doing that.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: We can tell by the jokes, and we're like, oh, okay.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: Like, we're honest.
24:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's and that's what it is.
24:31
SPEAKER_02: But I did get, I did get a DM that I sent.
24:34
SPEAKER_02: It was hilarious.
24:36
SPEAKER_02: So this guy was like, it was after a show, and I think I had told like a period joke or something, and he was like, just so you know, I would like, I would I would like you know, lick you top to bottom, like doesn't matter how much blood.
24:49
SPEAKER_02: He goes, also, I also something about your butt, and then he ends it with, I'm a munch.
24:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm a munch.
24:56
SPEAKER_02: I'm a munch.
24:57
SPEAKER_02: I'm a munch.
24:57
SPEAKER_02: I'm a munch.
24:58
SPEAKER_02: And then and then I was like, he wanted to like chew on your bloody underwear or something like that.
25:03
SPEAKER_02: He goes, Oh, he was like, You could have you could leave your bloody underwear everywhere, and I would like eat your ass.
25:07
SPEAKER_02: I'm a munch.
25:08
SPEAKER_02: And then I sent, and I was like, holy shit.
25:10
SPEAKER_02: And I sent it to the gay group, and they were like, Why are you not hitting why are you not gonna get a chance?
25:14
SPEAKER_01: We didn't even look at the text, we just all zoomed in on the pick, and we were like, he's fucking hot, do it.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: Are you kidding me?
25:19
SPEAKER_02: And they were like, Truly, why are you not?
25:21
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Well, because he'll kill me.
25:23
SPEAKER_02: Because this is a man from the internet great.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: My friend Logan, he was on grind.
25:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, whatever.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: But whatever.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: Love you, Logan.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: Hope you're listening.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: Um, he was on Grinder, and he he's not like he was runs and like does like uh he's doing the New York marathon next year.
25:42
SPEAKER_00: And this guy messaged him, he was like, Hey, hey, hey, yeah, and Logan's like, I'm not interested.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: People just keep hitting you up with even if you don't respond.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: Hey, you're hot.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: And then Logan didn't respond.
25:53
SPEAKER_00: And then the next message was, I like that you're a little pudgy.
25:58
SPEAKER_00: And so now every time in the friend group we see him, we go, hey Pudge.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: Hey Pudge, hey Punch.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: I like that you're a little pudgy.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: He was like, Pudgy, you think this was the message that was gonna get me?
26:11
SPEAKER_00: Pudgy?
26:12
SPEAKER_00: But like he's not even like what's you're not responding because you're insecure.
26:16
SPEAKER_01: I want to let you know, I think you're Pudgy bodies.
26:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm Pudgy.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: Like, I know.
26:20
SPEAKER_01: It's like That's absurd.
26:22
SPEAKER_01: This is like a quintessential gay story.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: This is one of my favorite gay stories, but it's about body image and body shaping.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
26:28
SPEAKER_01: So I was with a buddy of mine, and uh, his name is Trevor.
26:31
SPEAKER_01: Hi, Trevor, we gotta get you back on.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: So Trevor and I were working a catering job, and then afterwards we went to the Eagle.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: And we were like, oh, the Eagle, yay! So we were people outside of New York, what is the eagle?
26:41
SPEAKER_01: The Eagle is like a leather daddy bar, but it's generally supposed to be a more like body positive, inclusive, larger community for like the bears, for the older men.
26:51
SPEAKER_01: Like it's very much like a the a queer, open, safe space.
26:56
SPEAKER_02: Open, safe, safe space.
26:56
SPEAKER_02: And follow-up question for people who don't know what is Leather Daddy?
27:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh, Leather Daddy is like like a daddy who wears leather like harnesses and like chaps and stuff like that.
27:06
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
27:06
SPEAKER_01: Just wanted to catch up the strength.
27:11
SPEAKER_01: So we're at the Eagle and they have a rooftop.
27:14
SPEAKER_01: When you're at the Eagle, a lot of people take their shirts off, and they're just like you'll be standing outside in the fresh air, like drinking a cocktail, and it's like really nice and fun.
27:21
SPEAKER_01: So my this friend Trevor of mine is like the hot, like very traditionally, conventionally hot.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: Six pack goes to the gym, has been like a you know, like a fitness coach, a body positivity image coach.
27:33
SPEAKER_01: So it's me and him.
27:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm in my COVID body, but like, I don't care, I feel great, whatever.
27:38
SPEAKER_01: And this drunk guy comes up to us and starts like, you know, like tacking us and he's like clearly like loving Trevor's chest and Trevor's abs.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: But he's like kind of talking to me, but kind of really paying attention to Trevor.
27:51
SPEAKER_01: And he's like petting Trevor's chest, and we're like, this is really awkward.
27:55
SPEAKER_01: He was wasted.
27:56
SPEAKER_01: And then at one point he finally took a step back and he was like, All right, all right, all right, let me guess.
28:01
SPEAKER_01: And he's like sizing up Trevor, he's sizing up me.
28:04
SPEAKER_01: And he points at Trevor and he goes, berries.
28:08
SPEAKER_01: And then he looks at me and he goes, Soul cycle?
28:15
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: What a gay people's stop.
28:20
SPEAKER_00: I know.
28:21
SPEAKER_00: This goes back to why rude.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: When did gays learn?
28:25
SPEAKER_00: I think it's like a defense mechanism or something.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: It's like they have to be mean equals humor.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: I guess.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: Like being mean and catty is like that's what's funny.
28:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
28:36
SPEAKER_00: And I don't that like there was going back to there's no rhyme or reason for the room.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: There was one night I was hosting at the bar, which is one of the rooms at the comedy cellar.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: And then there's the original room, McDougal, which I was hosting on a Thursday.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: I remember it was Tuesday night.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: I, this guy came, this gay couple, they were like, You are so funny.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh, thank you so much.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: No, like you're really good.
28:57
SPEAKER_00: Like, you gotta keep working.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: You'll be in the main room one day.
29:01
SPEAKER_00: Oh, good.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: I said, What?
29:04
SPEAKER_00: They said, Yeah, the original.
29:06
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I'm there Thursday.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: They're like, have a good one.
29:10
SPEAKER_01: That's like the Pixie Aventura.
29:11
SPEAKER_01: Do you know Pixie Aventura, the drag queen?
29:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I've heard the name.
29:13
SPEAKER_00: I haven't seen her.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: We had a reel.
29:15
SPEAKER_01: We had her on the podcast and she had a reel where she was like, PSA, keep your compliments short, and whatever you do, don't bring down other people.
29:21
SPEAKER_01: Because there's the thing of being like Alex says you experience it all the time, of being like, you are our favorite fear.
29:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh, we get that.
29:28
SPEAKER_02: Like you are a favorite, or you're you're really good for a woman.
29:32
SPEAKER_02: I don't usually like I don't usually like women, but you were great.
29:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:35
SPEAKER_01: I get that all the time.
29:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I can tell you don't like women.
29:38
SPEAKER_01: Who'd you go for?
29:38
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, that's crazy.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: I never get the well, I think it'd be crazy or to be like, you're good for a gay.
29:45
SPEAKER_00: We hate gay people, but you were great.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: Well, I did do a first sending homosexual who's going to hell.
29:52
SPEAKER_00: Pretty funny.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: The Omaha, the Omaha show went really well.
29:57
SPEAKER_02: Do you feel how do you feel about going on the road and doing comedy in smaller cities or redder areas?
30:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: I'm excited.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: I I don't mind it.
30:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm lucky enough.
30:09
SPEAKER_00: I've been lucky enough to feature for Rocky Dell Davis on a couple shows, who is just this straight southern comic.
30:17
SPEAKER_00: His crowds lean straight.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: Uh, about 25% of them are gay, like of the audience is gay.
30:23
SPEAKER_00: So I'll know that I can go in like having a little bit on my side.
30:27
SPEAKER_00: And it's why what I do love is watching, because the front row won't look at me the first like minute to two minutes.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: And I can tell.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, y'all don't want to like this.
30:41
SPEAKER_00: That's over after after a while, they're laughing, they're clapping, they're having a good time, they're all getting into it.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: Then after the show, they're like, you can tell, like a you're great.
30:55
SPEAKER_00: You agree.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: It was one of those, like, I thought I wasn't gonna like this.
30:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: But then like winning them.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Cause I talked because I talked to Rocky before he took me.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I don't think this is gonna work.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I don't like, are you sure?
31:07
SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, like these places, he was like, he was like, You're funny, that's all that matters.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they're they're as long as you're funny, you'll be fine.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: Great.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, thank you.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: Appreciate it.
31:17
SPEAKER_01: It's funny the like, what is it?
31:20
SPEAKER_01: How do I say this?
31:21
SPEAKER_01: There's a tendency of I don't like gay people, but you're funny.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: Or like I don't usually like women, but I like you.
31:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
31:29
SPEAKER_01: It's and it's it in a weird way, you're like, okay, I'm flattered, but also, what the fuck?
31:34
SPEAKER_01: What is that like it's insane that like people respond that way?
31:39
SPEAKER_01: It's like me and my brother were on a road trip and we were in Montana, and some the woman checking us out was like, um, she was like, oh, New York City, and she was like, that's a terrible, terrible place.
31:48
SPEAKER_01: She was like, but you boys seem nice.
31:50
SPEAKER_01: And we're like, it's the idea.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: It's the idea of everything.
31:54
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
31:55
SPEAKER_01: It's so wild to me.
31:56
SPEAKER_01: Um, this is something that you you mentioned in our our text message, but you were talking about like community and like finding belonging and finding community.
32:04
SPEAKER_01: I think that's a universal thing that a lot of people struggle with, especially in transient cities like New York.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: But what has it been like for you?
32:12
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, kind of establishing and developing either a a community here in New York or B, like a queer community, a gay community.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: Community's tough for me because I I I have a problem, a personality trait, I guess.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: I really put myself out there a lot.
32:29
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
32:29
SPEAKER_00: And in my mind, I think, oh, we're going to be friends and we're going to be friends forever, but with each person, like when I meet them.
32:37
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, yes.
32:39
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, and then which sets up for heartbreak and let down, like over time.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: But so that was like I moved to I moved to New York.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: I started working in the cellar, and I was like, whoa, friends for life.
32:53
SPEAKER_00: And like the thing about there is people are in and out and gone every day.
32:57
SPEAKER_00: And it's the it's so hard to get consistency.
33:00
SPEAKER_00: People are living their own lives, people don't care.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: A lot of comic majority are very introverted people, and like to like to and I was like, wait, I thought we all get along and hang out every night and write jokes and do things.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, no, that's not it.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: And so like it was hard to find like a place.
33:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm still finding a place like in the comedy community.
33:21
SPEAKER_00: The gay community, uh, I did find like a I I joined gay kickball.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I was like, I need friends.
33:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
33:30
SPEAKER_00: Because I was hanging out with my friends from the cellar, and I remember I'd see each other four nights a week, and then we got lunch one day, and there was nothing to talk about because we'd seen each other four nights.
33:41
SPEAKER_00: So and I was like, oh, I need some friends.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: And so like I was I just signed up for that.
33:46
SPEAKER_00: Um, first season was horrible.
33:48
SPEAKER_00: I got bullied a lot.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: You got bullied as an adult.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: Bullied as an adult during a child's game.
33:54
SPEAKER_00: It's so embarrassing.
33:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, there was this there was this one instance, and I remember, and it wasn't my fault, and they just didn't like me because I played too much, but because I didn't realize I signed up on the competitive day.
34:06
SPEAKER_00: But that's how I met my best friend Jonah, who I love because he stood up for me at the bar.
34:12
SPEAKER_00: It was a barracuda.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: I'll never forget.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, RD.
34:15
SPEAKER_00: And so it was everyone kept yelling.
34:18
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I got to second base and everyone kept yelling, stay on second, stay on second.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, got you.
34:23
SPEAKER_00: I interpreted that as don't steal third.
34:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I got it.
34:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm staying on second.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: And then like the captain from the other team comes out and starts yelling at the ref or the umpire.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: And then our team comes out, and I look at the second baseman, I'm like, what are they talking about?
34:37
SPEAKER_00: They're like, Oh, your foot physically has to be on second.
34:40
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh, took one step to the left.
34:43
SPEAKER_00: I said, I fixed it, my bad.
34:44
SPEAKER_00: And then they still go at it, and then the ref just like called it off.
34:47
SPEAKER_00: He's like, he didn't know, like, it's fine.
34:49
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: We win the game nine to two.
34:53
SPEAKER_00: Three of the mean gays, hope you're listening, approached me at the bar, and they just they're like, So we're gonna email you a PDF of the rules, just so that you know.
35:02
SPEAKER_00: And then you can PDF, get fucked.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: They're like, You really should look over this.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: Like, that you could have like cost us like some points.
35:07
SPEAKER_00: We're trying to come at number one, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
35:10
SPEAKER_00: For kickball.
35:11
SPEAKER_00: And then recreational gay kickball.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: Come on.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: So embarrassing.
35:15
SPEAKER_00: Jonah came up and was like, Are you guys uh you guys like what are you uh what are y'all doing?
35:20
SPEAKER_00: They're like, Oh, we were talking about how gray it was like breaking the rules.
35:23
SPEAKER_00: And Jonah's like, Oh, I dropped two passes in the outfield tonight, like, or two kicks.
35:28
SPEAKER_00: No one talked to me about that.
35:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no one, they're like, Oh yeah, but then then they did that switch of like, yeah, but we were they was like, Well, then why are you getting on to him?
35:37
SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, I and they went away, they were like, just leave him alone, yeah, let him be him.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: They left, and then Jonah was like, Do you want to get a shot at the bar?
35:46
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah, absolutely.
35:48
SPEAKER_00: And then he was like, I just noticed they've been bullying you for like two weeks.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: I said, I thought, because I had just moved to New York, I was like, Oh, I just thought all gay people in New York were like this.
35:56
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I thought they were all just mean and I had to like deal with it.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: And he was like, No.
36:01
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh, and so that's when I became friends with him and then friends with Logan, who had just moved from Colorado, and then our little like three, like we just they'd be out there yelling about and we just sit in the dugout and giggle with each other, and then we became friends, we'd gone on vacation, we'd like have a group chat, we'd love each other now.
36:17
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so it worked out, it worked out, and I I love, I love, yeah, I love those guys.
36:21
SPEAKER_00: We brunch, we're just little troublemakers, and so it's fun.
36:25
SPEAKER_00: We found a little positive community, we love that.
36:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I found a good community, and then through gay kickball.
36:31
SPEAKER_00: I think this is my last season, but then I did the next season, we did Saturdays, which is more recreational.
36:37
SPEAKER_00: Love that team, yeah.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: Still talk to all of them.
36:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's just like, and it's not you get people that are like, Oh, I work in tech eight days a week, and this is my only time talking to a human.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then you get the other guy on the team who's like, Yeah, I go to Berry's four times a week.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: But they're still like forced to mix together.
36:56
SPEAKER_00: So we you you get to, we're all out here trying to make friends.
37:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
37:01
SPEAKER_00: So then why are we there's no point in and being catty and stuff.
37:05
SPEAKER_00: So I really liked that.
37:06
SPEAKER_00: So I've definitely made I like that community.
37:08
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
37:09
SPEAKER_00: Love that.
37:09
SPEAKER_01: Grey, this is so delightful.
37:11
SPEAKER_00: Yes, thank you for having me.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: This is amazing.
37:15
SPEAKER_01: Where can um everyone on the interwebs find you in the world?
37:18
SPEAKER_00: Find me, find me at Gray West on Instagram.
37:21
SPEAKER_00: You can go to my uh website beaconsai slash gray west.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: Sign up for the mailing list, put your city there, please.
37:28
SPEAKER_00: TikTok at gray.west, all the things, gray west, just Google me.
37:33
SPEAKER_00: I'm out there.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: Amazing.
37:34
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Gray.
37:35
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me.
37:36
SPEAKER_01: Of course, glad we got in the mud.
37:37
SPEAKER_00: We got in the mud.
37:40
SPEAKER_00: So, yes.
37:41
SPEAKER_01: All right, we love you all.
37:42
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for tuning in.
37:43
SPEAKER_01: Don't forget to like, follow, and subscribe.
37:45
SPEAKER_01: Bye.
37:46
SPEAKER_01: Click it.