Latest / Dubious Creatures Presents / The Dubious Book Club Podcast Ep 13 - Kiss of the Basilisk Part 1

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The Dubious Book Club Podcast Ep 13 - Kiss of the Basilisk Part 1 · Dubious Creatures Presents

0:00
Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Dubious Book Club
0:02
podcast. It's just me obvious Aubrey, a
0:05
dubious creature. Say hi other dubious creature.
0:12
You ever read something that you know is supposed to be sexy and
0:15
yet you just can't help just laughing from the sheer fucking
0:19
absurdity of it? Maybe.
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Yeah, that that was about my entire experience with this
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book. So yeah, specifically the book
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we're reading is Kiss of the Backs List by Lindsey Straub.
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Just quick note before we get into the actual book concept,
0:40
warnings for the upset are her graphic violence, misogyny, slut
0:42
shaming, mentions of essay, dubious consent, torture, and
0:46
victim blaming. And yeah, we are.
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We're in for a time. Yeah, like.
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I at least wasn't lied about that.
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This book is very smutty. Love how the opening preambles
1:04
like you will never be the same after reading this since like no
1:12
I'm still the same after reading this, just a bit disappointed
1:18
with humanity in general. There are parts of it I like,
1:23
there's parts that I don't like. I'd honestly, it was hard for me
1:29
to follow the plot between all of the aforementioned freaky
1:32
snake sex that's. That's fair.
1:37
Which honestly isn't even that freaky.
1:40
It's just like I. Don't know but it could have
1:46
been kinkier. I know it's just like, would you
1:51
please just, I don't, I don't watch pornography for the plot,
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you know, I don't want to know the tragic back story of the
1:59
pizza man. This book at times felt like it
2:03
was really focused on expositing the hell out of the pizza man.
2:09
So yeah, what this book is about is so essentially this is the
2:18
strangest season of The Bachelorette or The Bachelor
2:21
ever. It's up there, yeah.
2:29
Yeah, where it is the Yeah 13. 13 contestants in the world of.
2:39
I don't remember if they named the world.
2:42
I don't think they did, yeah. This fantasy world.
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In this non denominational fantasy world where, and I swear
3:05
I'm not making this up, a, a, a, a accord was reached between
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humanity and a race of shape shifting snakes.
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You know, the titular basilisks that essentially boils down to
3:21
like, OK, fine, we'll let you. We'll let you continue to exist
3:25
if you teach the royal bachelorettes to perform color
3:29
Lingus. Yeah.
3:33
That's cunnilingus coalinga. I feel like I've mispertensed.
3:38
Cunnilingus is correct. Yeah, it's a mouthful.
3:43
Literally. God, it's so, I mean, like, I
3:50
know what I'm here for. Well, I know what certain people
3:53
are here for, but still, it's just so at a certain point, like
3:57
why even bother World building, you know?
4:00
There are some really interesting ideas they could
4:02
have made for a very interesting world, but we're not here for
4:04
that. We're we're not.
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We're just not here for that anyway.
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For the freaky snake. Sex.
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Yeah, we're here. I want to see his freaky snake
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penis, which we don't get to see and I'm mad about it.
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Apparently he's got poo. Yeah, thank God that's another
4:24
thing. Because he's a snake.
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Yeah, like, yeah, because the male snakes haven't.
4:32
Yeah. If you if it sounds like we're
4:34
delaying and talking about the actual plot of the book, that's
4:37
because there's not really much to get into, dude.
4:41
There is, there isn't. Like this book is.
4:46
Written Written for the reason to just write a bunch of vaguely
4:51
interconnected smutty scenes. Yeah, like, OK, so there's a
4:55
protagonist. Her name is Temperance.
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Because of course it is. Because to be in a fictional
5:06
pornography you need to be a fictional porno.
5:10
Isn't all pornography fictional? What the fuck is wrong with me?
5:15
I mean, yeah, I guess so. Oh yeah, I'm a connoisseur.
5:23
I only, I only partake in non fictional pornography.
5:28
Jesus Christ. So.
5:31
Just voyeurism. Yeah, in the fucking Slytherin
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Bachelorette, the fucking, the temperance that is is being
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taught to do the fucking rather by.
5:48
Caspen. By Caspen, who is the serpent?
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King. But technically he's the Serpent
5:55
Prince. Apparently is is bad the because
5:59
you know, we needed. That's true.
6:00
OK, the the premise of Before we get any more lost in the sauce
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here, the the actual premise of the book in a nutshell, is
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Temperance is basically trying to She's in a competition to win
6:14
the hand of the Prince of. This place.
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This place again. Don't ask me where when there's
6:26
barely even a why really. And she it is competing and as
6:37
part of the competition, apparently you get a essentially
6:42
a sex coach for the purposes of seducing His Majesty.
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And that would be Caspian because basilisks in the setting
6:53
are incredibly sexual creatures. Which again, I think really just
6:57
boils down to we needed to get to the fucking as quickly as
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humanly or I guess reptilianly possible.
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No, don't really get to it. We don't get to the actual
7:07
fucking. There's a lot of build up in the
7:11
first half of the book. I know, but it's all basically,
7:15
it's all basically still smart like and there's a whole scene
7:18
where he basically just masturbates in front of her.
7:21
Yep, that's how they meet. Yeah, well the book literally
7:26
ends with some chick bragging about how he saw she stuck up
7:30
with her boyfriend and saw his Dick.
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So like, it's not fair, you know?
7:34
What you're here for? Yeah, yeah, it's not very coy
7:37
about it. Also also I I know it's
7:43
disjointed, but the fuck you like the everything about this
7:46
is disjointed. We're just ricocheting from 1
7:50
scene to fucking to the other. Because The thing is, again, we
7:54
we generally don't go into the gritty details of the sex scenes
7:57
because. I mean, yeah.
8:04
You know, you know. Start off with being the first
8:09
person we really meet is Vera who you're going to hate,
8:13
Listener, You're really just going to hate her.
8:16
She's not giving any redeeming care qualities ever.
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She's the mean girl. We also meet the like everybody
8:25
come forward and announcer stereotype.
8:27
We get Gabriel. He's the gay best friend.
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Yeah, Sarah is the mean girl. Leo is this kind of stuck up
8:38
Prince who, you know, maybe learns to become a better
8:42
person. Yeah, Caspian is the sexy other
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kin and Temperance is the is the girl with where you can't tell
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if it's crippling self esteem issues or if she's just fucking
8:56
stupid. Sometimes I was wondering, it's
9:00
like, girl, did we already have this conversation?
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Yeah, it's like, you know, no amount, you know, no amount of
9:10
self loathing can account for the lack of brain cells that way
9:14
here she. She does kind of waffle between
9:16
like weird bouts of courage to I don't know how to do anything
9:22
ever. Like is this a brat thing?
9:26
Like is that the whole it feels like a brat thing at times?
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He gets punished or like the punishments aren't fun.
9:35
They're like bad punishments. Yeah, they're not.
9:42
What the hell, book? Yeah, this is a brat thing.
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The punishments are supposed to be part of the fun.
9:48
Yeah, like dude. Yeah.
9:56
So yeah, no, there's there's just a lot of in the beginning
9:59
where we're throwing a bunch of names and we meet a bunch of
10:02
characters and nothing really happens until the girls head out
10:05
to meet their Princess. Yeah, so.
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Tim meets Caspian and, you know, apparently learns later that
10:26
everybody else just got it on that first night where, you
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know. Yeah, 'cause Caspian, in spite
10:34
of being a inhuman sex monster, is also into foreplay.
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Really into foreplay. Reeling the foreplay.
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Where she just goes I want to see you naked and he goes, bet
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I'm going to risk it all for this woman.
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I'm like, dude, I, I, I I don't. Yeah, OK, here's the thing.
11:03
We never, we get a concrete description.
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You'd think for a book about, you know, people fucking as much
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as we'd get like more. We'd get like erotic
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descriptions of characters. And we do at times.
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But there's also frustratingly vague of the deals.
11:21
Like we never get a good idea of what Temperance looks like.
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There's like 1 scene with a, there's like.
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One scene with a mirror, like any other scenes where she
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describes what she's like. She she only describes what
11:37
she's wearing when she's going to the fancy parties.
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She doesn't really ever describe what she's doing with her hair
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or anything like that. Again, like it it, it can be.
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It is frustratingly vague, like I'm trying to form a mental
11:53
picture of I'm trying to form a mental picture of temperance.
11:59
Like throughout the course of the book.
12:00
And honestly all I'm getting is just a slightly more well
12:05
endowed Bella Swan. I mean, that's.
12:09
It's not like completely out there.
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I mean like I only the the version of the book I have.
12:16
Is the bookish box exclusive Because somebody traded in at
12:19
one of the locally used bookstores and it has, like, art
12:23
in it of difference. So that's kind of like how it
12:25
was like, Oh, yeah, this is what she looks like.
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OK. Yeah, you might be asking
12:29
yourself why don't you focus on well endowed?
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Because the book makes specific mention OK, it's the one detail
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I have to focus on. She booblicious boobly
12:40
everywhere. She she boobed breastly across
12:43
the room. That.
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That's about all the description we get.
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Yeah, on her first night, she meets Caspian and says she wants
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to see him naked. He decides to risk everything
12:55
for it and gives her a vibrator. Vibrator.
13:02
Yeah, Oh my God, That was one of the things because like, I
13:12
remember just like he calls it. Sorry.
13:17
He calls it a. Classification device and it's
13:20
like. Yeah, he does.
13:23
Talk about the band. Talk about setting it to
13:25
vibrate. So the book box has it on the
13:32
front, like has this, this thing on the front.
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Now you'd realize what it was when I picked up the book and I
13:37
was like, oh, that's interesting.
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And then I get 20 pages and I went, oh, that's what that is.
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So yeah, Temperance and Caspin are sexting via a magic dildo
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for good portion of the book. Yeah, like Caspin also just got
13:55
to get better at, like, timing that stuff because it always
13:58
seems to be like when she was in the middle of something.
14:01
I know it's like what what is this an early 2000s ROM com?
14:05
Like are you seriously having her pull the oops I wore my
14:11
vibrator to work gag? Like what is going on Anyway, So
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that's kind of just the that's kind of just the thing that
14:25
happens. It literally the first quarter
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of the book is just that. Yeah, back and forth, you know,
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talking with Cash, then occasionally, occasionally
14:36
moving from just staring at him naked to touching him.
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And do you know other things they still haven't found yet?
14:45
Yeah. And then we get to.
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Well, obviously, you know, the actual point was protracted
14:56
exercise and edging, which is a, you know, the royal, the I, I
15:03
wish there were names for anything.
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Yeah, that would be nice. They're the royal family of.
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Here. Some place.
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This place that we are. There's a forest and there's
15:17
caves and there's the village that tempers from, which I also
15:20
don't think ever got a name. I don't.
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Think it. Did either and also have?
15:26
Like fucking mirrored walls. Because basilisks.
15:30
Yeah, except apparently they since they can shape shift into
15:34
humans. It's entirely.
15:37
It's entirely moot, so. It only works well when they're
15:40
in their basilisk form. Yeah, but they can.
15:45
They can shape shift, So what the hell.
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It's like the apotheosis of lazy world building.
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Yeah, there's, there's a little bit of that in there.
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I mean, we, we learned various other things.
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Burek used to be a bitch. We learned that her best friend
16:01
is a bit of a man whore. Yeah, because the gay best
16:05
friend in every single one of these fucking things is always
16:09
down horrendous. You're not.
16:13
You're not doing yourself any favors there, book.
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Down horrendous for anything with a penis.
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Seriously. Like, Happy Pride month,
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everybody. Yeah, no, I think, I think
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almost every single scene that he is in, he is thirsting after
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a different man. Yeah, it's a.
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Just like what is this me in college I.
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Mean you said it, I didn't say shit I.
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Mean yeah, I did. My my ally status is dangling on
16:45
the thinnest of fucking. OK so before the gay mafia
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breaks down my door, can we move so.
16:55
Yeah, first real big thing that happens is that going to meet
17:04
the Prince for the first time? Yeah.
17:06
So Leo, I mean, everybody in this, everybody in this fucking
17:10
book has such embarrassingly long names and everybody's got
17:13
like a nickname because of it. So like Leo short for something,
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Kaspin short for something. I don't fucking remember what
17:19
Leo is short for. And honestly, I don't, I don't
17:23
think I care. But here's what I do care about.
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Because guess what his dad's name is?
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What? Is the King's name is
17:33
disapproving authoritarian father figure.
17:37
His name is Maximus, the return of the Lord Dad.
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It's following us. It's it's Lord Dad too electric
17:48
boogaloo. He's not as chewing the scenery
17:55
as the other one. But yeah I know.
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But still like holy shit. He is comically blood points.
18:03
You, you, you have no idea how hard I laughed the moment I saw
18:07
that I didn't. Connect it in my head.
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Until now I was like, yeah, that is the same name.
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Yeah, that God I. Think my brain just did the ADHD
18:20
thing of is this important? No throws away.
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No, it's not important. It's important to me, all right?
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It's important to me. It's important to me because now
18:30
I get to make Lord Dad jokes again.
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This is true. We also meet Leo's sister, who
18:37
seems nice. She doesn't have much relevance
18:41
to anything going on, but she's there.
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The big thing that happens at this first one is she finds a
18:50
basilisk skull and Caspian was like no, don't touch that.
18:55
Yeah, they're, they're trying to set up a vein of like some kind
18:58
of mystery regarding the weird relationship between like the
19:02
royal family and the basilisks. But it's like you have given so
19:07
little thought to the actual world building of the setting.
19:09
Why? It's very much of A scenario.
19:13
Why should I care when you also don't really seem to care?
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There was something. And, you know, she keeps hearing
19:18
this weird voice in her head that's being like, help me.
19:22
Yeah, and I mean the, I mean, I read the full book because I'm a
19:29
glutton for punishment. I guess I can confirm that it's
19:34
dumb because, like, wait, you're telling me that the that the
19:38
authoritarian government, the the monarchist government has
19:42
made no pretense that that not being evil was secretly evil the
19:46
whole time? My God.
19:50
Or whatever the hell they worship.
19:52
Lord Dad was a villain this whole time.
19:57
Yeah, like, come on, man. And you know, thus thus begins
20:06
the the Bachelor games of eliminating women.
20:11
On the competition, do people? I know this is a trope, but does
20:17
like anybody actually enjoy the death games approach to dating?
20:25
I liked a few of the ones that I've read.
20:27
I read the selection years ago and I remember enjoying it, but
20:30
that was like 10 years ago so you don't know if I would enjoy
20:33
it. Nah all.
20:36
I don't know, it's just like I don't understand the I I don't
20:44
understand the appeal of like the fucking.
20:47
I mean, I know it has a bit of a basis in actual history, but
20:55
like, I don't know, I don't get the appeal of like the virgin
21:04
cattle show essentially like on a I understand the basis for
21:10
like history. I don't understand the appeal is
21:12
like a plot element because it always just seemed to me like OK
21:15
great, it's a tournament arc but less exciting.
21:19
Just sometimes they are very exciting because sometimes it's
21:23
like you have to appeal to the Prince, you also have to fight.
21:28
Yeah, but there's there's not Even so much as a catfight.
21:32
Yeah, yeah, Leo's a bit back and forth, especially in that first
21:40
time where he, like rates her at the bottom because like she was
21:42
mean to him. Yeah, obviously Leo is more of a
21:48
brat than she. Leo Leo's so much more of a
21:51
brat. Like even though like later he
21:54
turns around, he's like, yes, I enjoy when you're mean to me.
21:57
And it's like, just admit it, dude.
22:02
Just admit that you've been walking funny ever since you
22:06
walked into this anti chamber. OK?
22:14
Just admit that you're not the only one that would enjoy the
22:17
claw. Yeah, yeah, like it's fine.
22:23
She, she. He also gave her a a necklace,
22:27
which is important apparently. Right.
22:30
That that was like, yeah, it was.
22:35
It was just. Like, oh, there was what was the
22:37
necklace? Yeah, well, when we find out
22:41
what that necklace actually signifies, it's such a fucking
22:44
like out of left field reveal. That's like, OK, Caspian, are
22:52
you some kind of Caspian? Are you some kind of strange
22:56
reptilian intelligence or are you fucking stupid?
23:01
It's really hard to tell at times.
23:02
Literally put. The I want to marry this woman.
23:06
He literally put an engagement ring on her and didn't tell her
23:10
what it was. Yeah.
23:14
It's just like I accept and he's like, it doesn't work that way.
23:16
And it's like, why did you give her the ring?
23:19
What do you mean it doesn't work that way?
23:21
Then why'd you do it you big scaly fuck?
23:28
Yeah, his entire tribe has to agree to it.
23:31
He's like, they never will because you're human.
23:34
Yeah, unless you have sex with my dad.
23:38
What? I'm sorry, What?
23:42
I. Can't believe we got it a
23:45
cuckoldry at this point. You can you wind that back for a
23:50
second? How many Lord dads we talking
23:54
about here? Yeah.
23:58
Does Caspian have to watch? Yeah, it's oh, also there's he's
24:09
got some sort of like said, heated rivalry and like, no, I
24:14
don't want to make allusions to that show because that would
24:16
make this seem a lot more exciting than this actually is.
24:19
He has some fucking beef with this other basilisk who
24:27
apparently wants to ruin Caspen's day by magic.
24:33
Death touching temperance by. I swear this is not something
24:40
I'm making up for the shits and giggles.
24:42
So he can become stronger by stealing her orgasm.
24:50
We are not making this shit up. I had a lot of fun with this
24:54
book. This was actually very
24:55
entertaining. Glass.
24:57
I was I was having a good time, just not for the reasons I see
25:01
the author intended do. You.
25:03
Promise. I was cracking the fuck up the
25:06
entire time. Like the moment Caspin said,
25:10
Like the moment Caspin described what cresting is.
25:14
I was just like, oh you, you silly little snake man, tell me
25:19
more. This sounds fucking stupid.
25:23
Yes, no, but like getting back to how the plot was going, it's
25:27
the that and then, you know, Tim just starts like being like, why
25:33
can't we bang the Caspian? And Caspian gets very upset
25:37
about that. She's not ready, apparently.
25:42
Right, so that resolve lasts about all of a couple
25:49
paragraphs. Yeah, until she gets attacked
25:52
and comes to him and it was like, please, these horrible
25:57
people in the village attacked me.
26:01
And then he's like, yes, we must bang about it.
26:05
That I mean most scenes with CASP and and with.
26:08
Let me consider this while naked and inside if you.
26:14
Pretty much, especially after that point, it's like, yeah, no,
26:18
they went like 5 or 6 rounds and he's just, he's still going and
26:21
she's like, wait, I need a second.
26:25
Looks like hydrate, temperance. If you don't hydrate, you're
26:31
going to hydrate, right? Seriously, it's it gets to the
26:43
point where the sex just really ain't that sexy anymore.
26:48
Yeah. Like unless.
26:50
Unless you like really eat spicing it up, like making them
26:53
do different things, having like bringing in new kinks and like
26:56
having them do it in new places. Other than the fucking caves.
26:59
It's just like, come on, we got got some variety varieties to
27:02
spice a life. Yeah, Caspian for all.
27:05
Yeah, Caspian, for all of his good looks, is a strictly
27:09
missionary sort of guy. Yeah, it seems so.
27:12
And then also he turns to stone the two people.
27:15
A toe attacked her and she gets real pissed about that.
27:19
Yeah, and he was going to do. Yeah, again, we're we're just
27:25
getting down the checklist of tropes like the protective
27:28
monster boyfriend type thing. It's like that K again.
27:35
I I think would help if Caspin had.
27:41
I think we would help if Caspin was more than just a walking
27:44
dildo. Yeah, yeah, if he, you know, had
27:49
a bit more personality, everything.
27:51
So there's times where I'm just like, at least Leo's honest.
27:56
At least Leo is. Like, I like being a brat
27:58
apparently, so I'm going to continue with that.
28:01
I mean, like Leo is, I mean, that's basically his whole
28:04
personality is like he's doing this mostly to piss off his dad.
28:08
And I can respect. That.
28:11
Yeah, I know you can because you have no self respect, freak.
28:18
True. Because the folks, the amount of
28:20
times I've had to hold up the sign that says you find new ways
28:26
to disappoint your father in response to something this woman
28:29
has done is frankly might as well become a drinking game at
28:33
this point. So yeah, fuck, what even is?
28:39
What else is there even a talk about like?
28:43
There's that fight between, there's like multiple fights
28:47
between Caspian and Tam, which kind of all are very cyclical
28:56
and kind of always just end up the same place.
29:01
Strictly missionary. Strictly missionary the the
29:08
second elimination challenge. It's called the Frisky 60.
29:15
Yeah, it's not as exciting as Alda, basically.
29:21
Did you do it? There should've just been 7
29:23
minutes in heaven. Yeah, like all that really
29:27
results is Temperance just basically blue balling Leo for a
29:34
couple of sentences and then immediately proceeding to just
29:37
Mack down with them. Yeah, she spends like half the
29:41
book blue balling Leo. Yeah, but the problem is Leo's
29:45
really into it, so Leo is. So into it.
29:49
God, you know if becoming the queen of Never Neverland doesn't
29:56
work out, Temperance, if you consider it maybe a profession
29:59
as a dominator, it's. A pretty good one, yeah.
30:03
Yeah, I feel like you'd be all right at it.
30:05
Yeah, just a. Little Yeah.
30:08
You'd be the most popular day of dominatrix in Craigslist, that's
30:11
for sure. Then there's like a date with
30:14
Leo, which is kind of cute, and they really get to like talk and
30:18
you get to feel like Leo has a personality.
30:23
Unfortunately, Caspin is missing bits of his personality.
30:28
Yeah, look, I feel like the author was trying to make him
30:34
seem. Brooding.
30:37
Inhuman, like, I don't know, like they were just it ricochets
30:43
back and forth with him being the typical like brooding like,
30:47
oh, I cannot get close to anyone and like something like more
30:53
like genuinely inhuman. And the the end result was
30:58
basically like, like, look, The thing is he really is just kind
31:06
of a sentient sex toy is the problem.
31:11
Yeah, and I've just, I've just read better breeding
31:18
protagonists this year in books. Yeah, he's a, I don't really
31:28
know what else there is to say, man.
31:30
The problem is like the 1st 20 chapters alone, there's like
31:33
there's one sex scene for like every 3 or 4 chapters.
31:37
So the end result is basically like.
31:39
There's just really not much to say other than, well.
31:45
There's like stuff is slowly drip fed, you know, there's like
31:51
interesting things where like there's something going on in
31:53
the castle. That voice is still there.
31:57
I mean, I didn't think it was going to be anything amazing.
32:00
It's not, it's not God. We're not discussing that part
32:06
of the book yet, so I'm not going to get into it, but it's.
32:11
Tim and Leo try to bang but then Caspin screams in her head so I
32:18
just cuddles like the. Police screaming somewhere else.
32:23
This is true. Lest we forget about the dildo
32:27
communicator. But seriously.
32:31
Like I I caspen's usually more of my type, but I'm just keep
32:35
going. Just like just choose Leo.
32:37
He's honest with you. He's so fucking honest with you.
32:40
He tells you what he wants. He's never lied to you.
32:46
I I don't care, I'm just here to see what new ridiculous shit
32:51
this book kicks kicks up next. No, I mean.
32:55
That's the Wi-Fi. The the Wi-Fi enabled sex toy
32:59
was a was a good start. The Lord Dad was Lord Dad felt
33:04
like it was for me personally, which I appreciate.
33:09
I'll search out more books with the villain named Maximus.
33:12
I feel like, you know, I have feeling there's a lot.
33:19
I think I read, I think I read another book this year which was
33:21
like if the Roman Empire was run by vampires and I think the
33:27
villain's name was Maximus. Of course, because The thing is
33:31
with the name like Maximus, you really, you really only have two
33:37
options in life. You either, yeah, you either are
33:44
an actual Roman legionary or you are a super villain.
33:48
That's that's basically it. Pretty much, no.
34:04
Just it made me reflect on a couple of books that I read this
34:06
year just being like, I didn't. It's like, oh wow, you certainly
34:13
did this character archetype better.
34:16
Maximus or Lucius I think is like.
34:19
Yeah. Those are the those are the big
34:22
bad evil guy names. I.
34:24
Think the second one is like more thanks to the the this that
34:28
famous series. The the famous series by she who
34:32
will not be named during the month of pride.
34:38
That series, the one with the the Chamber of the definitely
34:42
not the thing that's sort of related to what we're currently
34:46
talking about that that one. Yeah.
34:50
No, definitely not. Definitely, man.
34:53
Look, I already made a Slytherin joke at the beginning of the
34:56
week. We're in it.
34:57
We're we're here now. It's unfortunately, it's
35:00
unfortunately we are millennials and or generally millennial
35:04
related. Speak for your fucking self.
35:08
I mean, Gen. Z also got it.
35:11
Yeah, I yeah, I'm Gen. Z.
35:13
Nobody forced me into this shit. I chose it and then immediately
35:16
regretted it. Unfortunately our both of our
35:21
generations were poisoned by that book when we were younger,
35:24
so now it's weird shorthand in our brains.
35:27
Yep, the the the real result of the law of the loss of attention
35:34
span over the last two days. Harry Potter books, nothing
35:37
else. Like I watched a bunch of videos
35:42
recently about like just pointing out how dog shit the
35:46
world building is and I was feeling like.
35:49
It's. Not it makes no sense.
35:54
I don't know. I think The thing is, it's just
35:56
like when it was popular, everybody was willing to forgive
35:59
everything about it, and then all of a sudden it's not popular
36:02
and you get all these fucking armchair intellectuals coming
36:04
out of the woodwork to criticize every little thing.
36:07
Many of us were children when we read those books.
36:10
And. You as a child don't care as
36:13
much, but like when you were you as an adult and you read
36:15
anything like that, you're like how the fuck does this society
36:18
work? Because we just want to know.
36:21
Yeah, and it's like, yeah, dude, the thing about Harry Potter is
36:28
that it's on a purely as a work of fiction, it's fine.
36:38
It's perfectly serviceable. The world building is there.
36:42
The the Hogwarts and all of its many, many of its child related
36:48
deaths is purely there for the purposes of, you know,
36:53
facilitating the adventures of the Chosen 1 and company and
36:56
their wacky fucking high jinks. You look anywhere beyond the
37:03
surface, nothing makes sense. Yeah.
37:06
And it will like this to push the plot forward.
37:08
Yeah. And again, it's like, yeah, no,
37:11
that's my God. Something that something that
37:17
was popular. Yeah, my God, Something that was
37:20
popular wasn't that good, But well, I never.
37:27
We were reading more beasts over there.
37:29
Yeah, fuck you. I'm getting through Ulysses,
37:35
right? I'm I'm, I'm poisoning myself
37:40
with James choice. Good luck with that.
37:45
Yeah, no, OK, This is something I actually, and I'm not making
37:49
this shit up. I read The Count of Monte Cristo
37:52
when I was like 11. High school.
37:57
Yeah, like my dad would actually, you know, like other
38:00
kids were getting like the magic again.
38:03
Like the fucking magic, Magic Treehouse, Captain Underpants or
38:07
whatnot. Like, no, my dad was reading me
38:09
The Count of Monte Cristo. My dad read me the like David
38:14
Edink's Bill Garriott when I was a child.
38:17
Yeah, it says a lot about our personalities.
38:20
Donuts. Yeah, it kind of does.
38:23
And. Here at Lord of the Rings, I
38:27
unfortunately I've never really been a big Tolkien person.
38:29
I think it's because it wasn't like the first one I read.
38:31
It was like the third or fourth series I read.
38:34
Think God Ilona isn't he or she. I mean, she won't do much, but
38:38
she tried to bite off your knee. Caps I I will always admit that
38:41
it's good, it just never unfortunately grabbed me.
38:48
Just like, you know, Alone is a big fan of Lord of the Rings.
38:50
And I'm like, yeah, of course you are.
38:52
The hobbits are the only people who are shorter than you.
38:58
I'm going to pay for that later. Yes, but yeah, no, it's it's
39:08
sort of like thinking is that it's just like I got read a
39:11
bunch of other various fantasy novels.
39:15
Yeah. I think my I think one of my
39:18
parents read the Black Company books to me at one point.
39:21
Jesus it. Was like maybe 10?
39:28
Box. Wow, you had no chance.
39:35
Yeah my fucking. The thing is I always say is my
39:39
parents met playing D and DI was cursed to this life.
39:48
Yeah, that. And both of my parents are
39:50
writers, so. Wow.
39:54
OK, yeah, no, this explains a lot.
40:04
Yeah. Yeah, this.
40:06
I'm learning the deep lore, the deep Aubrey lore.
40:10
It's funny how we we've known each other for a while at this
40:13
point. Yeah, I've learned the most
40:14
about you and a bunch of other fellow cast mates whenever we're
40:18
doing, whenever we're reviewing one of these fucking porn
40:20
novels. Yeah, it's, it's certainly
40:24
something. And yeah, no, I've and I, I was
40:28
always the kid who read way beyond my fucking reading level.
40:31
Like we discussed it in we were discussing Daggerheart and we
40:35
talked about wounds. I read wounds when I was 13, was
40:39
fucking freshman in high school and reading BDSM vampire porn in
40:43
the back of my mouth. Dagger mouth, Yes, dagger mouth.
40:47
I know it does not help, but I'm playing in a Daggerheart
40:50
campaign and it throws me off constantly.
40:53
I see Daggermouth during the game.
40:57
It's fine, you know it is what it is now.
41:04
The title really makes sense when you think about it too
41:06
hard. It's it's fair and I am horribly
41:10
ADHD. Yeah, the rest of the recording
41:16
is just going to be this. Folks like I I don't know what
41:18
to tell you. This book did not have a lot of
41:19
code it. It it does not it.
41:25
Does. Not I like some of the stuff to
41:28
it, but then it's just yeah. You know, it makes me prefer a
41:31
novel like Never Night or just something with like way too much
41:34
information because at the very least we can talk about the
41:36
information here. It's just like, well.
41:44
Yeah, no, I misadmire to sit down and go through Alchemist
41:52
tomorrow on recording and that I know is going to be long because
41:57
there is a lot to go through. Everybody keeps telling me to
42:00
read this fucking this fucking thing and it's like I don't want
42:04
to. It's a fair I'm not going to
42:07
make you read it. Yeah, good.
42:09
My birthday's coming up. I get to finally decide what the
42:12
hell we're on about. Look forward to that.
42:16
Yeah, I've got a few picks and honestly, I'm debating how much
42:20
I want to torment the rest of my cast.
42:25
Only fair. Yeah, I get to do it during the
42:29
recordings, so why not? Why not this too?
42:33
Yeah, and I mean, it doesn't like, I mean Alchemist is like
42:38
over 1000 pages. So yes, there are things to talk
42:41
about that book. So, overall impressions of Kiss
42:45
of the Basilisk. It's fine.
42:51
It's 33 out of five currently. It's just kind of the middle of
42:54
the road. They.
42:56
Give it to two. I give it 2 snake dildos out of
43:00
five. It's it's certainly a book.
43:04
Is a book. It's not done anything horrible,
43:08
but when I was listening to the audio book I kept, I kept
43:11
getting distracted by a different audio book I was
43:13
listening to because that one was much more interesting.
43:16
Yeah, at the biggest sin, kiss the baseless commits.
43:20
Honestly, it's just it's really fucking boring.
43:24
When things happen and when the plot moves forward, it's so it's
43:27
interesting. I find myself tuning in.
43:29
But then there are other times where it's like, oh, we're just
43:31
going to have another conversation with Caspian about
43:34
how he's not letting you in and you're going to yell at him for
43:37
not letting you in and start him off.
43:39
And you'll be back tomorrow night to be like, I'm so sorry
43:41
that I yelled at you for not letting me in.
43:43
It's fine. You don't have to let me in.
43:45
Yeah, it's the problem is it's like 90% that.
43:53
Yeah. And there's like, there's that.
43:57
There's a trilogy of these. It's like, dear God, what are
44:01
you trying to inflict on the rest of us?
44:04
Like I at least I know that the the game the the fucking
44:08
bachelor will be over in book 1. Yes.
44:13
So it's whatever the fuck's actually that.
44:15
So it's not like they pulled out The Bachelor for three books.
44:21
Yeah, I don't think anyone can survive that.
44:24
That wasn't, frankly, nuclear amount of foreplay.
44:27
I I feel slightly lied to by books to grab and everything
44:32
because I mean yes, this book is like everyone.
44:34
A lot of people were writing about this book and like he
44:37
talking about how very smart he is.
44:39
Yes, it's very smarty. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a
44:42
lot going on and anything else. Doesn't have much going on in
44:47
the smart department to be honest.
44:49
Yeah, it's fair. There's a lot of banging, but
44:54
yeah, it's all pretty basic banging.
44:57
It's like, Oh my God. It's like, my God, he showed up
45:05
at the baseless cave. The pizza with extra sausage.
45:08
It's like, OK, cool. Like and I'm like, yeah, now I
45:12
can see that. Like, oh man, how does he walk?
45:16
It's like, dude, shut the fuck up.
45:21
We get it. He's well endowed and
45:22
emotionally unavailable. Like get in line.
45:31
Yeah, honestly, the the the most fun parts for me were the bits
45:34
were the ridiculous shit was happening beyond the temperance
45:39
trying to get past Aspen's chastity belt.
45:44
Yeah, it's usually it's the other way around in a lot of
45:49
these muddy books of being, you know, for a society.
45:53
That's apparently for a society where you have to top someone's
45:56
dad in order to qualify for marriage.
45:58
You are really not putting out my guy.
46:05
Yeah, it's it's certainly it's like, wow, Usually I'm I'm so
46:11
used to this, the morally Gray person being like being the one
46:17
that's like pursuing and just being like we have to bang right
46:20
now and her being like, no, I must maintain my virtue, pretend
46:24
it's just like fuck virtue. Take it now.
46:27
The. Time is like I am running out of
46:30
polite ways to ask you to fuck me the task but it's like oh but
46:37
I couldn't what would the parents think?
46:39
Just like your parents also want to be fucked by me apparently.
46:43
Yeah, and it's also, it's just like every all of the other
46:46
basilisks have been fucking the other contestants for like
46:51
months. Apparently most of them started
46:56
on the first night. Yeah, it's so it's just a weird
47:05
dynamic and not in a good way. And it doesn't get any better.
47:14
You know, it's just like whenever there's any, like
47:18
whenever there's a the reason why there's so many scenes of
47:22
the reason why there's so many scenes of a tab and Caspian
47:29
just, you know, working things out inside and outside is
47:39
because whenever there's a lull and like the base of the book,
47:42
the author is we just throws it in.
47:46
Pretty much. So yeah, there's not really much
47:51
more to say. And fucking.
47:53
Hell, hold on, I'm holding. Hey she'll you want to tell the
48:01
audience at home what you were doing?
48:03
What the What was Sheel doing? He was.
48:06
He was just drinking the mystery grey water out of the sink.
48:14
Yeah, because you have a full food bowl and water bowl that I
48:18
refill every morning. But for some fucking reason
48:22
you're like the mysterious pan liquid.
48:25
I must have it. It's yummy.
48:32
Yeah, now you're, yeah, now your face is covered with I don't
48:36
even know what and your paws are wet and yeah, and you're
48:41
interrupting my fucking snake porn discussion, you little
48:48
bastard. You absolute creature.
49:04
Yeah, he gets like this when I have the audacity to try and do
49:07
my job. Apparently, how dare you do your
49:12
job? I know he must be the center of
49:15
attention always or he will die. Thus is a cat's life.
49:20
That's the cat's life, Yeah, anyway.
49:24
Anyways, any last thoughts on the first half of this book?
49:31
I just want, I just want one. I just want one of these books
49:42
to be a monster boyfriend who isn't just a hot dude with an
49:46
old state. Just give me something.
49:48
I have a monster fucker month planned and one of them is a
49:51
just a giant spider. Would that make you happy if it
49:54
was a giant spider person? You know it might.
49:58
You know what, Aubrey? It might, it might.
50:05
One of them say Minotaur. I'm a fucking dying of thirst
50:13
here. I'll take what I can.
50:16
Have a monster fucker month planned this fall for when it's
50:19
thematically appropriate to be spooky.
50:30
Yeah, I guess we'll be back in a couple.
50:33
Of weeks to discuss. The second-half of this book.
50:37
I don't know what the hell we're going to discuss it.
50:41
It doesn't get. I can confirm it really doesn't
50:43
get any better than this. We'll see.
50:47
I'm hope I'll hopefully be able. I'll hopefully be able to finish
50:51
it. What do you think she'll do?
50:56
You think that Caspen is finally going to get it in?
51:00
Yeah, I don't think so either. Yeah, is.
51:04
Caspen going to fumble the Batty.
51:16
Yeah, that that. That's it.
51:18
No way. See you all in two weeks to
51:21
discuss more Snake Born. Yeah, bye.