Latest / Wake Up with Marci / How to Overcome Trauma and Build Resilience | Amanda Anderson | Healing Podcast

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How to Overcome Trauma and Build Resilience | Amanda Anderson | Healing Podcast · Wake Up with Marci

0:00
Speaker 1: My second husband, who I ended up having children with,
0:03
Speaker 1: et cetera, and you know, believed that he was my soulmate.
0:06
Speaker 1: He ended up saying he couldn't handle it, he couldn't
0:09
Speaker 1: handle all the all the things that had happened, and
0:12
Speaker 1: that you know, he loved me, but we were going
0:14
Speaker 1: to have to separate and potentially that was the end
0:16
Speaker 1: of it. And that was the moment where I was
0:19
Speaker 1: because that one I wasn't expecting, and that was the
0:22
Speaker 1: moment where it was almost like all the dots lined
0:25
Speaker 1: up and I started to realize, hang on a minute,
0:28
Speaker 1: I've lived my entire life holding my breath thinking it's
0:32
Speaker 1: going to protect me, and in actual fact, what it's
0:35
Speaker 1: done is almost helped create the problem because I've been
0:40
Speaker 1: so switched off from you know, my relationships and my
0:43
Speaker 1: friendships and you know, oh, I'm fine, I can do
0:46
Speaker 1: it all. I'm strong, I'm tough and not letting anybody
0:49
Speaker 1: in et cetera. Yeah, it ended up causing the demise
0:52
Speaker 1: of you know, my relationship. Really, so that was my
0:55
Speaker 1: turning point where I realized I can't keep playing small anymore.
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Speaker 2: This is weak up with a space for honest conversations
1:02
Speaker 2: about healing, recovery, and women's wellness. I'm Marcy Hopkins. Take
1:07
Speaker 2: a breath, You're safe here. Let's begin. What if the
1:15
Speaker 2: hardest thing you've ever been through could become your greatest strength.
1:19
Speaker 2: What if your pain wasn't the end of your story,
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Speaker 2: but the beginning of your purpose. So many of us
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Speaker 2: spend years trying to hide our wounds, hide behind the walls,
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Speaker 2: tell ourselves to be strong, to push through, and just
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Speaker 2: pretend that we are okay. But what if real resilience
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Speaker 2: isn't about hiding what happened? What if it's about learning
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Speaker 2: how to heal from it. Today we're talking about resilience,
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Speaker 2: psychological safety, and how our deepest wounds can become the
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Speaker 2: foundation for our greatest growth. Hello all, welcome to Wake
1:56
Speaker 2: Up with Marcy. I'm so grateful that you are here today,
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Speaker 2: whether you are watching or listening. I'm Marcy Hopkins, your host.
2:04
Speaker 2: I am an author, TV host, motivational speaker, mental health advocate,
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Speaker 2: and I am also in long term recovery. And on
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Speaker 2: this show, we have honest conversations about healing, relationships, self discovery,
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Speaker 2: mental health and what it really takes to rebuild your life.
2:23
Speaker 2: And if today's conversation resonates with you. Please make sure
2:27
Speaker 2: to like, comment, and share this episode with someone that
2:30
Speaker 2: may need to hear it. So today we have an
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Speaker 2: incredible guest. Her name is Amanda Anderson. And Amanda is
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Speaker 2: an international keynote speaker, resilient strategist, founder of Totally Mental,
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Speaker 2: and the creator of the Wound scar Men Method. After
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Speaker 2: overcoming significant personal adversity, Amanda dedicated her life to helping
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Speaker 2: individuals and organizations to build resilience, create psychological safe environments,
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Speaker 2: and lead with authenticity. And today she's sharing how we
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Speaker 2: can move beyond surviving and begin truly healing. Now, let's
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Speaker 2: welcome Amanda. Amanda, welcome to Wake Up with Marthy.
3:16
Speaker 1: Thank you very much. I am waking up. It's one
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Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning.
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Speaker 2: Really well, what we're going to do is help people
3:25
Speaker 2: to wake up to a better life and wake up
3:27
Speaker 2: their subconscious and help them to do that. And I
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Speaker 2: know that that is something that you do and one
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Speaker 2: of the biggest things you do is help people to
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Speaker 2: be resilient. But what I want to do is go
3:42
Speaker 2: back and you yourself have quite a story and have
3:48
Speaker 2: gone through so much adversity, and you share that that's
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Speaker 2: where this work comes from, and that's why it's so
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Speaker 2: important to you. So can you take us back to
4:00
Speaker 2: that season of your life and what happened? What were
4:04
Speaker 2: some significant things that happened in your life that made
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Speaker 2: you realize, like this could take me down or I've
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Speaker 2: got to move through this and bring something powerful from it.
4:20
Speaker 1: So I've had multiple traumas throughout my life, and I
4:23
Speaker 1: think the reason that that is relevant is because the
4:27
Speaker 1: lesson that you learn in the first trauma can often
4:30
Speaker 1: double down each time it happens, and so the lesson
4:34
Speaker 1: kind of can embed itself or make you even more
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Speaker 1: resilient and resonant with your future trajectory. So the first
4:43
Speaker 1: instance happened when I was about ten years old or
4:45
Speaker 1: just shy of ten years old. My family and I
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Speaker 1: we had originally lived in Africa for a little while,
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Speaker 1: and then we went to England. My brother, who was
4:55
Speaker 1: older than I was, went to boarding school in England
4:58
Speaker 1: because the education system between Africa and England was a
5:02
Speaker 1: little bit different, so he had to sort of repeat
5:05
Speaker 1: and stay on campus in order to benefit the most
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Speaker 1: from it. And then unfortunately my dad couldn't find work
5:12
Speaker 1: in England, so we then decided to move to Australia.
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Speaker 1: My brother had about six weeks left of his boarding school,
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Speaker 1: so we decided to move and we bought him a
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Speaker 1: ticket and he was going to come over in that
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Speaker 1: six week period when he finished his schooling. And unfortunately,
5:30
Speaker 1: in that six week period, my brother, so when you're
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Speaker 1: at boarding school, you have to ask for permission if
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Speaker 1: you want to leave the ground, stay on the weekend,
5:39
Speaker 1: and things like that, and so he asked he got
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Speaker 1: approval from my dad to go to a party with
5:44
Speaker 1: his friend, to meet up with a girl that he liked.
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Speaker 1: And you know, my dad was like, okay, you're seventeen
5:51
Speaker 1: years old, you're a good kid. Yeah, sure, you know,
5:54
Speaker 1: go to the party. He still has a curfew anyway,
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Speaker 1: so you know, the boarding school or on top of that,
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Speaker 1: not a problem. Unfortunately, when he got to the party,
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Speaker 1: the party was in a different part of town to
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Speaker 1: what he would have come from, and we actually spoke
6:13
Speaker 1: I know you wouldn't believe it now, but we spoke
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Speaker 1: to the Queen's English. So he's gone to a party
6:18
Speaker 1: with you know, a posh accent in an area that's
6:22
Speaker 1: not particularly posh, and he was having a good time
6:27
Speaker 1: and there was sort of like a father of the
6:29
Speaker 1: house or a like a host that was an older gentleman.
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Speaker 1: And as the night kicked on and everyone got a
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Speaker 1: little bit noisier, he came down. My brother happened to
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Speaker 1: be standing next to the stereo and he said, oh, buddy,
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Speaker 1: can you just turn the music down because we're now
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Speaker 1: getting to that point of like noise complaint. You know,
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Speaker 1: it's getting late, et cetera. And my brother, being you know,
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Speaker 1: well to do and gentlemanly, etc. Said, oh, yes, sir,
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Speaker 1: not a problem, sir, and he turned around and turned
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Speaker 1: the music down. Now, unfortunately, some of the other lads
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Speaker 1: at the party saw that exchange. They came over and
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Speaker 1: started saying, oh yes, sir, and they said, oh, you
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Speaker 1: think you're better than us, you know, you come to
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Speaker 1: our side of town and you start sort of commandeering
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Speaker 1: the party. Now, the host of the father of the
7:15
Speaker 1: house heard this exchange and said, listen, if you're going
7:18
Speaker 1: to fight, you can just leave. So they stopped. But unfortunately,
7:23
Speaker 1: while my brother went and enjoyed the party, these boys
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Speaker 1: decided that they had other plans. So when my brother
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Speaker 1: and his friend were heading home later that night, they
7:35
Speaker 1: followed them, they jumped them. The friend was found the
7:39
Speaker 1: next day unconscious under a car with both of his
7:42
Speaker 1: kneecaps on the other side of his leg. And my brother,
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Speaker 1: because my dad had been a like a boxer in
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Speaker 1: his younger days, he taught my brother to fight because
7:53
Speaker 1: not because he wanted him to fight, but it was
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Speaker 1: a bonding scenario, you know, father's son, I'll teach you
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Speaker 1: a few moves kind of thing. But because he had
8:01
Speaker 1: done that and there were three boys against one, my
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Speaker 1: brother was trying to fend them off and fight back,
8:07
Speaker 1: but that ended up with both with you know, all
8:10
Speaker 1: of them on top of him, kicking him in the head,
8:12
Speaker 1: et cetera. And unfortunately, he ended up basically having a
8:17
Speaker 1: brain bleed because when you kick someone in the head
8:21
Speaker 1: with sneakers, the brain bounces and then it swells, whereas
8:24
Speaker 1: if they had have done it with harder shoes, they
8:27
Speaker 1: would have just broken his skull, which sounds worse, but
8:30
Speaker 1: it's actually better. So in the end he passed away,
8:35
Speaker 1: and so he didn't make it out to Australia. And yeah,
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Speaker 1: so that's that's sort of the first part of the story.
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Speaker 1: How that impacted me was, you know, we all then
8:48
Speaker 1: flew back to England to go to the funeral, et cetera.
8:51
Speaker 1: And I was, you know, according to the family, his favorite,
8:55
Speaker 1: and he was my big brother, you know, like he
8:57
Speaker 1: was my favorite as well. And apparently I was physically ill.
9:04
Speaker 1: I was vomiting for three days straight. I don't remember
9:08
Speaker 1: any of it, to be honest. And what I learned
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Speaker 1: from that, which has taken me through my life and
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Speaker 1: then been reinforced by other traumas after that, is to
9:21
Speaker 1: you know, the world is not safe, fly under the radar,
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Speaker 1: be self sufficient, don't add any pressure to you know.
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Speaker 1: My parents, who were falling apart, they needed me to
9:33
Speaker 1: be able to cope and to be able to kind
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Speaker 1: of manage myself. You know. I was one of four kids,
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Speaker 1: including so my brother was the eldest, then me another brother,
9:44
Speaker 1: and then I had a baby sister that was less
9:46
Speaker 1: than a year old, who had been born and diagnosed
9:50
Speaker 1: with a terminal illness. So my parents really had their
9:54
Speaker 1: hands full and they were grieving, and so I just
9:59
Speaker 1: held my breath and played small and was you know,
10:04
Speaker 1: not a people pleaser per se, but I stayed out
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Speaker 1: of the way. I was hyper independent. I became hyper vigilant.
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Speaker 1: And that's the pattern that I then witnessed throughout my life.
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Speaker 2: Right, so I can relate in the in the part
10:22
Speaker 2: of staying small and not wanting to create any ripple effect. Right,
10:30
Speaker 2: how did that shape you? And let's talk about how
10:35
Speaker 2: that affected you in relationships and in your work and
10:42
Speaker 2: striving to become your own person.
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Speaker 1: So I when I think about playing small, I think
10:53
Speaker 1: about it is not only that you, you know, are either
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Speaker 1: reserved or quiet and watching. It's not just about sort
11:08
Speaker 1: of being I guess timid for a better I can't
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Speaker 1: think of a better word. It's not just about that.
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Speaker 1: It's about losing sight of the value and your perspective
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Speaker 1: and your unique skill set or your ideas or you know,
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Speaker 1: the things that make you you. Ultimately what you lose
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Speaker 1: by ending up playing small, Because if playing small was
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Speaker 1: just about speaking up, then really that just comes down
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Speaker 1: to bravery in many ways. Whereas I think when you
11:43
Speaker 1: learn that it's safer to be unseen, you can not
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Speaker 1: only shrink your person, but you can shrink everything that
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Speaker 1: you bring. You know, your superpower, what makes you you?
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Speaker 1: What you know, your insights and your instincts and all
12:00
Speaker 1: those things. So what ended up happening was I became
12:05
Speaker 1: somebody who really just I was just easy about everything,
12:11
Speaker 1: you know, like if somebody I can't even think of
12:15
Speaker 1: a good example, but if if something bad happened to me,
12:19
Speaker 1: you know, I would be like, Okay, that's fine, I'll
12:23
Speaker 1: figure it out.
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Speaker 2: So really, you build these walls around yourself, right, Is
12:29
Speaker 2: that what you felt like you did, because I know
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Speaker 2: that that's what I did.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, numb yourself to protect yourself. But what you don't
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Speaker 1: realize is you're actually numbing everything. You numb the joy,
12:39
Speaker 1: you numb the specialness, you numb all of it, and
12:43
Speaker 1: then you end up existing in your life, not living.
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Speaker 2: You know, you lose, you lose who you are. And
12:52
Speaker 2: that's what I felt like I did, just keep the
12:56
Speaker 2: peace in my helm. And when I said keep the peace,
12:58
Speaker 2: it was because there was the fighting and the anger
13:03
Speaker 2: and the alcoholism and that sort of thing. So that's
13:08
Speaker 2: what kept me small so I wouldn't create any more problems.
13:14
Speaker 2: I also know that you went through a divorce and
13:19
Speaker 2: some other very traumatic events, and how would you say
13:25
Speaker 2: that these things affected you? And I mean, divorce is
13:31
Speaker 2: really hard and there's so many people out there that
13:34
Speaker 2: are going through it, So how for you? How did
13:38
Speaker 2: you get through that?
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Speaker 1: So it's funny. What happened to me is that with
13:46
Speaker 1: each trauma, I actually doubled down on my playing small.
13:52
Speaker 1: So I kind of when I think about it, I
13:55
Speaker 1: honestly I think about holding my breath, you know, when
13:57
Speaker 1: you're I imagine, I don't know what this is like.
14:00
Speaker 1: But if you thought that there was an intruder in
14:02
Speaker 1: your house, you kind of, you know, you stay still,
14:06
Speaker 1: you don't want to move, you don't you're listening, you're
14:08
Speaker 1: not breathing, You're you know, super focused, right, And that's
14:12
Speaker 1: what I was doing. And then you know, my sister
14:14
Speaker 1: passed away. She had cystic fibrosis. She passed away when
14:18
Speaker 1: she was twenty, the day before my birthday. And so
14:23
Speaker 1: I doubled down on that. I held my breath even more.
14:26
Speaker 1: I was even more hyper vigilant, I was even more
14:29
Speaker 1: shut off, the walls were up everything. Then I was
14:33
Speaker 1: married and got divorced and that was very messy. So
14:38
Speaker 1: again I did the same thing, and this kept happening.
14:41
Speaker 1: And then you know, my father passed away from a
14:43
Speaker 1: terminal disease as well, and I ended up having a stroke,
14:49
Speaker 1: which I actually think was all the traumas undealt with
14:54
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, I'm sure there's a medical reason
14:56
Speaker 1: around it, but I personally think that all of those
14:59
Speaker 1: traumas undealt. That was almost as though my body just said, hey, listen,
15:03
Speaker 1: if you're not going to pay attention, we're going to
15:06
Speaker 1: make you pay attention.
15:07
Speaker 2: Biden has respond absolutely, Yeah.
15:11
Speaker 1: So in twenty eighteen, I had a stroke a tia officially,
15:16
Speaker 1: but usually with tias, they don't maintain damage, whereas mine
15:21
Speaker 1: did maintain damage. So I didn't have any physical problems,
15:25
Speaker 1: but I did have cognitive problems. I had word retrieval issues.
15:29
Speaker 1: I had memory issues, which I still have to this day.
15:33
Speaker 1: But I've managed to put scaffolding around how I operate
15:38
Speaker 1: so that I can function. But what ended up happening
15:42
Speaker 1: was even with that, I still had that sort of
15:46
Speaker 1: those walls up. I was still holding my breath. I
15:48
Speaker 1: was doing all of those things. And then my second husband,
15:52
Speaker 1: who I ended up having children with, etc. And you
15:56
Speaker 1: believed that he was my soulmate, he ended up saying
15:59
Speaker 1: he could handle it. He couldn't handle all the all
16:02
Speaker 1: the things that had happened, and that you know, he
16:04
Speaker 1: loved me, but you know, we were going to have
16:07
Speaker 1: to separate and potentially that was the end of it.
16:10
Speaker 1: And that was the moment where I was because that
16:12
Speaker 1: one I wasn't expecting, and that was the moment where
16:17
Speaker 1: it was almost like, you know, all the dots lined
16:21
Speaker 1: up and I started to realize, hang on a minute,
16:24
Speaker 1: I've lived my entire life holding my breath thinking it's
16:29
Speaker 1: going to protect me, and in actual fact, what it's
16:32
Speaker 1: done is almost helped create the problem because I've been
16:38
Speaker 1: so switched off from you know, my relationships and my
16:41
Speaker 1: friendships and you know, oh, I'm fine, I can do
16:44
Speaker 1: it all. I'm strong, I'm tough and not letting anybody
16:48
Speaker 1: in et cetera. That it ended up, yeah, it ended
16:52
Speaker 1: up causing the demise of you know, my relationship. Really,
16:57
Speaker 1: so that was my turning point where I realized, I can't.
17:00
Speaker 1: I can't keep playing small anymore. It's not serving me.
17:04
Speaker 1: And I think that's the thing. I think when you're
17:06
Speaker 1: a child or younger at least, you learn behaviors that
17:11
Speaker 1: serve you at the timetely and then they become habit
17:15
Speaker 1: and like with me, they just each time something happened,
17:17
Speaker 1: I was like, right, use this strategy. It worked last time.
17:20
Speaker 1: Use this strategy, and then you end up building your armor,
17:23
Speaker 1: you know, ten feet thick, and eventually one day you
17:28
Speaker 1: go hang in a minute. That strategy worked when I
17:30
Speaker 1: was ten, It doesn't work now that I'm fifty.
17:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely had the victim mentality for so many
17:38
Speaker 2: years and I was in survival mode, and so I
17:43
Speaker 2: can relate to that. And one of the things you
17:45
Speaker 2: said about this scalffeting is that's one of the things
17:49
Speaker 2: that I recognized when I had that rock bottom moment,
17:55
Speaker 2: if you will, right, And it was as if every
18:00
Speaker 2: thing came crashing down because I had built this life
18:04
Speaker 2: on this unstable foundation. M h. And now I think
18:08
Speaker 2: of it as I had the opportunity to rebuild on
18:15
Speaker 2: a steady foundation, brick by brick, and rebuild my life,
18:19
Speaker 2: which is exactly what you've done. And how would you
18:24
Speaker 2: say that you started your healing journey and transformation.
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Speaker 1: So two things one, well, two main things. I mean,
18:37
Speaker 1: there's the whole list of things, but two main things
18:39
Speaker 1: is that I was walking down the street and I
18:42
Speaker 1: remember it. It was literally the penny drop moment of
18:46
Speaker 1: my entire life. And I was walking down the street
18:48
Speaker 1: and I was thinking, I'm so unhappy, like what am
18:51
Speaker 1: I going to do to change this, you know, this
18:54
Speaker 1: life that I've created. And you know, a lot of
18:57
Speaker 1: people when they talk about changing their lives, they asked themselves,
19:00
Speaker 1: you know, well, what would I do if I won
19:02
Speaker 1: the lottery? And it's like, okay, well, if I won
19:05
Speaker 1: the lottery, I'd go on a holiday and I'd buy
19:07
Speaker 1: a new house, you know, And yes, they change your
19:09
Speaker 1: life materialistically, but they don't necessarily make you know any
19:12
Speaker 1: different or happier. And also it's like one in seventeen
19:16
Speaker 1: billion that you know, you can win the lotto. So
19:19
Speaker 1: what I actually thought to myself was, Okay, what if
19:22
Speaker 1: I asked a different question, And the question was, you know,
19:25
Speaker 1: because I've obviously had, you know, family members get terminal diseases,
19:29
Speaker 1: I was like, what if the doctor called me right
19:31
Speaker 1: now and said, listen, you have a terminal disease and
19:34
Speaker 1: you don't have long left. What would that mean to me?
19:38
Speaker 1: And I thought, do you know what it would? I'm
19:41
Speaker 1: pissed off about that, not only because I would have
19:44
Speaker 1: this terminal disease, but I have wasted my entire existence
19:49
Speaker 1: worrying about the wrong things or trying to manage my life,
19:52
Speaker 1: et cetera. So for me, it was asking that question
19:56
Speaker 1: was the very first penny drop moment where I was
19:58
Speaker 1: able to think, okay, what do I want with my
20:02
Speaker 1: life type thing? And then the second one, which sounds
20:07
Speaker 1: really simple, but when you've done this for long enough,
20:10
Speaker 1: it's actually quite difficult in some ways. I actually had
20:15
Speaker 1: to start learning how I felt and what I thought.
20:19
Speaker 1: And you know, I remember when I first got divorced.
20:23
Speaker 1: I went to stay with my mum because that's what
20:25
Speaker 1: you do, and I went down to the local video store.
20:29
Speaker 1: This is how long it was. And I walked in
20:32
Speaker 1: and I looked at the walls and I thought, I
20:36
Speaker 1: have no idea what I want to watch, and not
20:38
Speaker 1: with regard to which particular movie. But I didn't even
20:41
Speaker 1: know if I liked thrillers or comedy or documentaries, because
20:46
Speaker 1: whenever I, you know, whenever someone said, oh, what do
20:48
Speaker 1: you want to watch? I was like, oh, whatever, what
20:49
Speaker 1: do you want to watch?
20:50
Speaker 2: You know, like.
20:51
Speaker 1: Easy, And so I had to start thinking, okay, well,
20:55
Speaker 1: hang on, what do I want to watch or what
20:58
Speaker 1: do I want to eat? And so I ended up
21:01
Speaker 1: doing that thing. When as soon as I had the
21:04
Speaker 1: thought of, oh, you know, it's a nice day to
21:07
Speaker 1: be cool to go for a walk. I would just
21:09
Speaker 1: go and do it because that's what I wanted to do.
21:11
Speaker 1: And so I had to start operating from a place
21:15
Speaker 1: where I could recognize what I wanted, not necessarily what
21:21
Speaker 1: either others wanted or what was going to keep me
21:24
Speaker 1: safe or what was going to manage you know, expectations
21:27
Speaker 1: or comfortability or any of those things. I had to
21:29
Speaker 1: get in touch with my own thinking and my own
21:32
Speaker 1: feeling and then act on that.
21:34
Speaker 2: And I think that's hard. It is right because as
21:38
Speaker 2: women especially also like we do stay small where a
21:43
Speaker 2: lot of us have been tight because generationally to take
21:47
Speaker 2: care of others and how selfish it is to take
21:50
Speaker 2: care of ourselves right and prioritize ourselves. So I had
21:55
Speaker 2: to get with that.
21:58
Speaker 1: It's social conditioning, yeah, yeah, exactly.
22:01
Speaker 2: And and I had to get really curious with life.
22:07
Speaker 2: And when I started breaking down those walls, and for me,
22:13
Speaker 2: I stopped drinking and changing my mindset, it was it
22:20
Speaker 2: was kind of exciting to start getting to know myself
22:25
Speaker 2: and acting on the things because I myself was exactly
22:28
Speaker 2: the same. It was like, where do you want to go? Eat,
22:31
Speaker 2: what do you want to do? What movie do you want? Well?
22:33
Speaker 2: Whatever you whatever you want. That was just easier. And
22:37
Speaker 2: then I remember there was a time when I got
22:41
Speaker 2: out of a long term relationship. We were going to
22:44
Speaker 2: get married, and I decided last minute that, oh my goodness,
22:47
Speaker 2: I got to get out of this thing. And I
22:50
Speaker 2: went out with somebody and they asked me like, what
22:52
Speaker 2: is your passion? And I literally had no idea. I
22:57
Speaker 2: just felt like and then I was so embarrass.
23:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, they feel like you should.
23:03
Speaker 2: Know exactly exactly. So I love that what you One
23:09
Speaker 2: of the things you said is is just being on it, right,
23:13
Speaker 2: Like when you have the idea like this is something
23:16
Speaker 2: I'd like to do, then then acting on it instead
23:19
Speaker 2: of thinking like how is this going to affect someone else?
23:22
Speaker 2: Is this going to take away from them? Is this
23:26
Speaker 2: going to upset them or whatever the case may be. Yeah,
23:31
Speaker 2: And the.
23:31
Speaker 1: One of time you don't notice that you're you actually
23:34
Speaker 1: have to catch yourself doing it. And I think one
23:38
Speaker 1: of the other things that you can do, because I
23:40
Speaker 1: had to do this as well, is if I was
23:42
Speaker 1: going to let's say I was going to go for
23:43
Speaker 1: a run after work and I'd come home and I'd
23:45
Speaker 1: put all my gym gear on, et cetera. And then
23:48
Speaker 1: you know, maybe my husband turns up, you know, earlier
23:51
Speaker 1: than expected. I'd be like, oh, okay, so I'm not
23:54
Speaker 1: going for a run, and I'd start to take my
23:56
Speaker 1: shoes off because and he didn't say don't go for
23:59
Speaker 1: a run, but for me, it was like, oh, well,
24:01
Speaker 1: he's home, so I'm not going to leave, like I'll
24:03
Speaker 1: just stay here, and I then would have to. Once
24:07
Speaker 1: I started to learn to listen to what I wanted,
24:10
Speaker 1: I'd go to take my shoes off and then I'd
24:12
Speaker 1: be like, no, but I actually do want to go
24:15
Speaker 1: for a run, and he will be here when I
24:16
Speaker 1: get back, so you know what, I am going to
24:19
Speaker 1: go for a run. But then you feel bad as
24:21
Speaker 1: well saying that you're going to do it, so you've
24:23
Speaker 1: got to practice doing it.
24:25
Speaker 2: I love that. I love that because it's that muscle memory,
24:29
Speaker 2: rebuilding what feels comfortable and what doesn't. And one of
24:35
Speaker 2: the things that you talk about and you teach about
24:40
Speaker 2: is resilience. And I think a lot of people think
24:44
Speaker 2: being resilient is being strong and pushing through, But what
24:50
Speaker 2: does resilience really mean?
24:55
Speaker 1: A lot of people will say resilience is how quickly
24:59
Speaker 1: you can bounce back. I actually don't think that that's
25:04
Speaker 1: what resilience is, because I bounced back every time after
25:09
Speaker 1: all of my traumas, and I don't think it was
25:12
Speaker 1: particularly strong of me. I think it was a survival
25:17
Speaker 1: mechanism and it was the only way I knew how
25:19
Speaker 1: to cope. It wasn't a considered decision, if that makes sense.
25:24
Speaker 1: So for me, I actually think that resilience is more about,
25:30
Speaker 1: you know, allowing yourself, being honest with yourself and saying,
25:34
Speaker 1: you know, this is how I feel, and this is
25:36
Speaker 1: absolutely horrible, and I hate it, and I'm going to
25:38
Speaker 1: give myself the time to hate it. And then when
25:43
Speaker 1: I have done that, and I've you know, purged everything,
25:46
Speaker 1: and I've you know wallowed, and you know, I felt
25:52
Speaker 1: sorry for myself and all of those things. Once I've
25:55
Speaker 1: done that, I also do a thing called rage journaling,
25:58
Speaker 1: which I absolutely love. I like that it's where, yeah,
26:03
Speaker 1: it's where you get pen and paper and you like,
26:05
Speaker 1: I close my eyes, you don't have to look at
26:07
Speaker 1: the page, and you're not even writing, You're just kind
26:10
Speaker 1: of scribbling and like exclamation marks and all this stuff
26:13
Speaker 1: and it just gets it all out of you. And
26:16
Speaker 1: it can be about anything. It can be about you know,
26:18
Speaker 1: the annoying woman who crossed the the road too slowly,
26:21
Speaker 1: or you know whatever, but you don't realize how much
26:24
Speaker 1: you hold for me. Resilience is getting it all out,
26:27
Speaker 1: being honest with yourself about how you feel and how
26:31
Speaker 1: bad it is and all of those things, and then
26:34
Speaker 1: once you've done that, being kind to yourself and saying, okay,
26:38
Speaker 1: I've now purged. I need to have faith in my
26:41
Speaker 1: ability to cope with this, to get through it, to
26:47
Speaker 1: you know, take one step at a time and trust me.
26:49
Speaker 1: I know, like I've I've had days where I don't
26:52
Speaker 1: want to get out of bed and you know I
26:54
Speaker 1: can't even you know, get up to have a shower
26:57
Speaker 1: is too difficult. I do understand, and I'm not I'm
27:00
Speaker 1: not just saying, oh, well, you know, give yourself time
27:02
Speaker 1: to wallow and then you can do it. But I
27:05
Speaker 1: think it's believing that you can do it, even if
27:08
Speaker 1: you do it super slowly, even if it takes you,
27:12
Speaker 1: you know, a year, that's okay.
27:14
Speaker 2: There's no time limit on this, right, especially if you're
27:18
Speaker 2: greeting something. I mean, you can't put a time limit
27:20
Speaker 2: on that. But I will say that I really like
27:25
Speaker 2: how you said that about resilience, and a lot of
27:28
Speaker 2: us do think about bouncing back and being able to
27:32
Speaker 2: do it in a quicker fashion, if you will. But
27:37
Speaker 2: I've allowed myself the same when I'm having a bad day. Right,
27:42
Speaker 2: it's not about just going all right, well, you can't
27:45
Speaker 2: have a bad day or you can't have a difficult time.
27:49
Speaker 2: You absolutely can, and acknowledging that, but actually giving yourself
27:53
Speaker 2: permission to feel those feelings. But it's how you talk
27:57
Speaker 2: to yourself through it and and and learning different tools
28:05
Speaker 2: mechanisms to get through it. Because life is going to happen, right.
28:09
Speaker 1: It's going and so it's.
28:12
Speaker 2: Just learning a new way to navigate. I used to
28:16
Speaker 2: feel sorry for myself. I'd lash out, i'd be resentful,
28:22
Speaker 2: I'd jump into a bottle of wine. It was a
28:26
Speaker 2: whole thing. And and and thankfully today with many new
28:35
Speaker 2: tools and and like I said, mechanisms and and framework,
28:41
Speaker 2: I'm able to and and no alcohol, a different coping mechanism,
28:46
Speaker 2: I'm able to get through it the same. And I
28:48
Speaker 2: know there's one that you've created, a framework called wound
28:53
Speaker 2: scar men. Can you take us through what that means
28:57
Speaker 2: and why that's such a powerful way to think about
29:00
Speaker 2: hate about healing.
29:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, So basically the wound is, you know that the
29:07
Speaker 1: moment after your personal earthquake gets when you know, you
29:11
Speaker 1: feel like you're bleeding inside and out. It's you know,
29:14
Speaker 1: the shock, the pain, the everything. We all you know,
29:18
Speaker 1: we all know what that moment is when the rug
29:21
Speaker 1: has been ripped out from underneath you. And the scar
29:25
Speaker 1: is really that kind of that functioning, you know, like
29:30
Speaker 1: because the world doesn't stop right. So let's say you've
29:33
Speaker 1: lost somebody and you're grieving, you still potentially have to
29:37
Speaker 1: take the kids on the school run. You've still got
29:39
Speaker 1: to go to work and you know, answer one hundred
29:41
Speaker 1: emails when you get back from you know, your bereavement leave.
29:46
Speaker 1: You will still go to the coffee shop and hear people,
29:50
Speaker 1: you know, winging about their partners when maybe you've just
29:53
Speaker 1: lost yours, you know, And so the scar is when
29:56
Speaker 1: you kind of suck it up and you you know,
29:59
Speaker 1: it's that hole. Oh I'm resilient because I can bounce
30:02
Speaker 1: back and I can cope, but really you haven't actually healed.
30:06
Speaker 1: You've just covered over the open gaping wound. So the
30:11
Speaker 1: men is that element where you're able to trust in
30:15
Speaker 1: your abilities, You're able to feel your own feelings, You're
30:19
Speaker 1: able to you know, and it is all the other things.
30:22
Speaker 1: Because I realized when you were sort of talking about
30:24
Speaker 1: the things that you did, I realized there are a
30:27
Speaker 1: lot of those things that I've done as well. So
30:29
Speaker 1: I gave up alcohol, I started. I didn't become a vegetarian,
30:33
Speaker 1: but I definitely eat better. But I you know, I
30:36
Speaker 1: do gratitude walks where I walk down the street and
30:39
Speaker 1: I just spend twenty minutes looking around, going wow, I'm
30:42
Speaker 1: so thankful for the trees and the sun and all
30:45
Speaker 1: of those kinds of things. You know, I did grounding
30:49
Speaker 1: and you know, all of those meditation, all of that
30:51
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. But I think for me, that sort
30:56
Speaker 1: of what it is is self trust in a way way,
31:00
Speaker 1: you know, trusting that you will handle it how even
31:04
Speaker 1: if it's messy, even if you handle it badly, you
31:07
Speaker 1: will handle it. And you've got to just be compassionate
31:10
Speaker 1: and you're a human being, give yourself time and you know, compassion.
31:15
Speaker 1: Then what starts to happen is you start to mend,
31:18
Speaker 1: you actually start to process a lot of the It's
31:23
Speaker 1: sort of like if you have a wound and you
31:26
Speaker 1: just bandaid over it, the infection is still there. I
31:30
Speaker 1: think when you start to allow yourself to process through
31:35
Speaker 1: it and then have faith and self trust and start
31:39
Speaker 1: doing those little things where you know when you want
31:41
Speaker 1: to do something, you do it, and you start to
31:45
Speaker 1: listen to yourself, that's when you start to mend and
31:48
Speaker 1: actually heal the wound.
31:51
Speaker 2: If we get used to pushing it down and carrying
31:56
Speaker 2: those wounds right for so long and we haven't acknowledged them,
32:01
Speaker 2: how do we start to process them. We become so
32:06
Speaker 2: good at hating we do in our pain, how do
32:10
Speaker 2: we then start to approach it?
32:14
Speaker 1: So, look, I think it does depend on what your
32:18
Speaker 1: wound is, because some wounds definitely obviously need you know,
32:21
Speaker 1: professional assistance. So I don't want to discount some of
32:26
Speaker 1: the traumas. I am a big believer in neurolinguistic programming.
32:32
Speaker 1: I use a lot of that in everything that I do,
32:36
Speaker 1: And regardless of you know, how it's perceived by sort
32:41
Speaker 1: of different industries, et cetera. The thing that I like
32:44
Speaker 1: about it is that its main focus is reframing things.
32:49
Speaker 1: And I remember when my dad died. I really like
32:54
Speaker 1: it gutted me because I felt like, you know, I
32:58
Speaker 1: was his DNA, you know, like we were the same person,
33:02
Speaker 1: even though you know we clearly weren't, but I had
33:06
Speaker 1: the same sense of humor and the same values, and
33:08
Speaker 1: like he was my person. And I remember when he
33:12
Speaker 1: got sick, I said to my husband, you know, when
33:14
Speaker 1: he dies, I will change, You know that my identity
33:18
Speaker 1: will change because I am who I am because of
33:21
Speaker 1: who he is. And that was the thing I kept saying.
33:24
Speaker 1: When he passed away. I was like, you know what
33:26
Speaker 1: am I going to do without him?
33:28
Speaker 3: Like?
33:28
Speaker 1: Who am I without him? And I was lucky because
33:32
Speaker 1: I have this NLP background, I was able to twist
33:36
Speaker 1: that question and instead of saying who am I without him?
33:39
Speaker 1: I was able to say, well, who am I? Because
33:41
Speaker 1: of him? And it made me in just that moment,
33:46
Speaker 1: it made me realize, Okay, well, you know I carry
33:51
Speaker 1: a lot of who he is in me, and that's
33:55
Speaker 1: a way better way for me to think about him
33:59
Speaker 1: than thinking about only that I've lost him and that
34:01
Speaker 1: I don't have him anymore. And so that reframing of
34:05
Speaker 1: my perspective really helped me sort of get through it.
34:10
Speaker 1: And so I think. You know, that's one of the
34:12
Speaker 1: techniques that I try and use is that you know,
34:16
Speaker 1: and I know it's really hard. I know, when you've
34:18
Speaker 1: had a big trauma, you think, well, how how is
34:21
Speaker 1: this good? In what planet? Is there a positive in
34:24
Speaker 1: this thing happening to me? And you know, maybe it's
34:28
Speaker 1: that you see things differently now. Maybe you you know,
34:31
Speaker 1: you have different relationships because of it. Yeah, I think
34:36
Speaker 1: it changes if you can find something in it, it
34:41
Speaker 1: can change your experience of it. Like even your experience.
34:44
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's things now that you look back on
34:47
Speaker 1: and as much as it was horrible, you also think, well, actually,
34:50
Speaker 1: I'm glad that that happened because now dot dot dot.
34:54
Speaker 2: I absolutely I say it all the time. I mean,
34:56
Speaker 2: I share very openly about my story and I always say,
34:59
Speaker 2: do not sorry for me, please in any way, right
35:02
Speaker 2: because this is those things shaped me to be who
35:07
Speaker 2: I am today and do the work I do today.
35:10
Speaker 2: And I had to go through it. I had to
35:12
Speaker 2: go through it, and while I don't wish it on anyone,
35:17
Speaker 2: for me, that's what I had to do. And one
35:21
Speaker 2: of the things that I'll just extract from what you
35:26
Speaker 2: just said in simplifying it is you start to look
35:31
Speaker 2: in for the positive in the negative things that happen.
35:36
Speaker 2: And the way that I was able to do that
35:39
Speaker 2: is through the practice of gratitude and also through the
35:44
Speaker 2: practice of my spiritual connection. Right. So there's so much
35:50
Speaker 2: power in living life in gratitude because that really does
35:57
Speaker 2: allow you to look at things differently, being grateful for something.
36:02
Speaker 2: Maybe that hurts us, but what is it that we
36:07
Speaker 2: will gain from this? And that's how for me that
36:12
Speaker 2: I have changed the way that I look at it.
36:14
Speaker 2: And I love how through questions that we ask ourselves
36:19
Speaker 2: that that really changes our perspective.
36:23
Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah, and I think as well. It can
36:27
Speaker 1: sound really difficult when you're in the thick of it.
36:30
Speaker 1: It can sound really difficult for someone to say have
36:33
Speaker 1: gratitude because you're like, there's nothing about this that I
36:36
Speaker 1: want gratitude around, but what I found And because I
36:40
Speaker 1: do it every day because I still have situations going
36:44
Speaker 1: on that you know, I am dealing with that people
36:48
Speaker 1: you know would not want to deal with necessarily, and
36:51
Speaker 1: so it's very hard to always be upbeat. But I
36:54
Speaker 1: give myself every single morning. There's a loop Whi's only
36:57
Speaker 1: twenty minutes. It's the loops that I do, and I
37:01
Speaker 1: just forget everything else for a minute, and I have
37:04
Speaker 1: gratitude about the simplest things like literally the trees, or
37:08
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I'm wearing a warm jumper while I
37:11
Speaker 1: do this walk, like whatever it is. And you'd be
37:15
Speaker 1: surprised how you start to train that part of your
37:19
Speaker 1: brain to then start to notice other gratitude as the
37:24
Speaker 1: day goes through, and so then you start to actually
37:27
Speaker 1: get more and more and more, and then it doesn't
37:29
Speaker 1: feel like quite such a big leep.
37:32
Speaker 2: And that's what it is. It is building that practice,
37:36
Speaker 2: right because it's just like if you start the journey
37:40
Speaker 2: of losing weight and building muscle, that takes time, and
37:44
Speaker 2: this is how we are rewiring our brain and our
37:47
Speaker 2: thought process through those small actions each day. I'm almost
37:51
Speaker 2: eleven years sober, I still every single day participate in
37:58
Speaker 2: that gratitude practice that morning and my spiritual connection to
38:03
Speaker 2: help me get through the day. And it's funny, one
38:08
Speaker 2: of the things you were talking about, if something annoys me,
38:13
Speaker 2: I will sit there and go, all right, this is
38:16
Speaker 2: really annoying me, and maybe maybe I'll be able to
38:20
Speaker 2: tell myself you're kind of overreacting about.
38:23
Speaker 1: This, right, it's but I actually think that's a part
38:28
Speaker 1: of adversity because I, until I started doing this rage
38:34
Speaker 1: journaling thing, I love it, I wouldn't have said that
38:38
Speaker 1: I was rageful at all. Like I would have said, oh, yeah,
38:41
Speaker 1: I'm totally chill, like you do you like, I'll be
38:45
Speaker 1: fine whatever whatever. And as I started to do it,
38:48
Speaker 1: I thought, oh my god, I am so angry at
38:52
Speaker 1: literally everything, Like I'm angry at the bird that just
38:55
Speaker 1: you know, made a noise while I was on a
38:58
Speaker 1: phone call, or you know, like so many ridiculous things.
39:03
Speaker 1: But I think what happens is, you know, you're so
39:06
Speaker 1: used to controlling your self and controlling your environment and
39:12
Speaker 1: all of those things that you are angry. Like, there's
39:15
Speaker 1: a lot that you're angry about. And that's why I
39:18
Speaker 1: like the rage journaling because it gets out even the
39:21
Speaker 1: little things, like more nine times out of ten it's
39:24
Speaker 1: just the little things, But it feels like that takes
39:27
Speaker 1: the edge off.
39:29
Speaker 2: And there's really a route to something, you know, the
39:32
Speaker 2: small thing, there's actually something probably bigger underneath that why
39:38
Speaker 2: you're responding that way. So tell us about how you
39:44
Speaker 2: are helping people today. People that are trying to reconnect
39:48
Speaker 2: with themselves and stop staying and that survival mode.
39:54
Speaker 1: What I mostly do is a mixture between keynotes, workshops,
40:00
Speaker 1: and I also have a magazine called Totally Mental that
40:04
Speaker 1: I distribute as well, and all of those formats or platforms,
40:11
Speaker 1: if you like, all work towards the same goal of,
40:15
Speaker 1: you know, getting people, I think initially to recognize where
40:20
Speaker 1: they're potentially not living their best life. And it's funny.
40:25
Speaker 1: I have an example where, you know, I talk about
40:27
Speaker 1: like a hypnotist. Hypnotist gets people on stage, and let's
40:32
Speaker 1: say he's got six people on stage, and you'll notice
40:34
Speaker 1: the next time you watch a hypnotist, you'll notice that
40:37
Speaker 1: he will often get you on I say he, it
40:39
Speaker 1: could be she. They will often get you on stage
40:42
Speaker 1: and say little things like oh, can you just move
40:44
Speaker 1: over here? And then they move, oh, and no, actually
40:47
Speaker 1: go back a little bit more this way and then
40:48
Speaker 1: they move Okay, now show me your hands right, turn
40:51
Speaker 1: them over. All this stuff, all of those instructions are
40:55
Speaker 1: completely irrelevant, right, But what they are is micro compliances.
41:00
Speaker 1: He's making sure that you are suggestible, right, so that
41:05
Speaker 1: he can see, Okay, you're going to be someone that
41:07
Speaker 1: I can potentially hypnotize. What we don't realize is that
41:11
Speaker 1: we actually have those micro compliances in our lives. So
41:15
Speaker 1: for example, with us, you know, we had trauma, so
41:18
Speaker 1: we grew up learning, you know, to behave a certain
41:21
Speaker 1: way would keep us safer. And then as you go
41:23
Speaker 1: through life, we learn it socially because you get things like, oh,
41:27
Speaker 1: don't be so sensitive, or well everyone else is doing it,
41:31
Speaker 1: or you know, well this is just how things.
41:33
Speaker 3: Are, and so we don't even realize that that being easy,
41:40
Speaker 3: you know, managing expectations, making sure that everyone's comfortable.
41:44
Speaker 1: We learn it young, we learn it at school, we
41:46
Speaker 1: learn it in our families, and then it's reinforced throughout
41:49
Speaker 1: our lives as well. And so the first thing I
41:53
Speaker 1: do is try and get people to recognize the moments
41:57
Speaker 1: that they're doing that, you know, the moments that you
41:59
Speaker 1: walk in and sort of saying, oh, listen, I know
42:01
Speaker 1: this might not be a good idea, but you know,
42:03
Speaker 1: we're pre apologizing before we even start, you know, saying
42:07
Speaker 1: what we want to say, or you know, oh I
42:10
Speaker 1: just thought you know, et cetera. So essentially, I talk about,
42:15
Speaker 1: you know, those elements of recognizing it and then once
42:18
Speaker 1: you recognize it, then I can actually give you tools
42:22
Speaker 1: to be able to make different choices so that you
42:26
Speaker 1: actually can regain your sense of self. You can you know,
42:32
Speaker 1: be everything that you can be, because I think unfortunately,
42:36
Speaker 1: we learn that it's not safe to be. You know,
42:39
Speaker 1: it's it's either unseen or it's exposed, you know, And
42:43
Speaker 1: I think that unseen is kind of comfortable a lot
42:47
Speaker 1: of the time. But you end up getting to a
42:50
Speaker 1: point where, at some point in life, I mean, I
42:52
Speaker 1: think usually it happens around you know, midlife, you start
42:56
Speaker 1: to think, well, hang on, this is not all that
42:59
Speaker 1: I am, This is not all that I have to offer.
43:03
Speaker 1: And the choices that I made may have kept me safe,
43:05
Speaker 1: but having kept me joyful and you know, living and
43:10
Speaker 1: making the most of everything.
43:12
Speaker 2: So and let's compare that rate. They're safe, and then
43:16
Speaker 2: there's living and being joyful and just expanding in life.
43:23
Speaker 1: Exactly, and we don't even realize that we're doing it.
43:26
Speaker 1: You know, when you go through a coffee, like you
43:28
Speaker 1: next time you go through a coffee, or you're eating
43:31
Speaker 1: a meal and it's not amazing, it's just food. And
43:34
Speaker 1: the waiter comes by and says and he's cleaning up
43:36
Speaker 1: and he says, oh, how did you like it? You go, oh,
43:38
Speaker 1: it was lovely, thanks, when maybe it was it, do
43:41
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And you don't have to
43:43
Speaker 1: be horrible. You can just say, yeah, look it wasn't
43:46
Speaker 1: my favorite today, or you know, next time, I might
43:49
Speaker 1: try something.
43:50
Speaker 2: Out, whatever it is.
43:51
Speaker 1: But we give ourselves over all the time without even noticing.
43:56
Speaker 1: And it's actually really freeing to notice what you think,
44:02
Speaker 1: what you feel and then actually express.
44:05
Speaker 2: It in whatever way that is and doing it, you know,
44:09
Speaker 2: like you're saying, I mean, you can do it in
44:11
Speaker 2: a kind way. I mean, that's one of the things
44:13
Speaker 2: I talk about, is like how we communicate is so important.
44:17
Speaker 2: But you can get your feelings and your needs expressed
44:21
Speaker 2: in a way that it is not going to turn
44:23
Speaker 2: somebody else off and they're going to listen to you, right,
44:26
Speaker 2: So it's okay to express yourself. And I think that's
44:30
Speaker 2: one of the things a lot of times young people
44:33
Speaker 2: you feel like you can't express yourself, especially with an adult,
44:37
Speaker 2: But you can't. There's just a way to do it
44:40
Speaker 2: where it's better with fiefs.
44:43
Speaker 1: But also I think it comes down to as well,
44:46
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with being honest, as long as you're
44:49
Speaker 1: respectful and kind. And you know, I actually had that
44:53
Speaker 1: exact situation happen, and you know, the food was okay,
44:57
Speaker 1: it wasn't. I actually didn't really enjoy it, but that's okay.
45:01
Speaker 1: You know, someone else may have absolutely loved it. And
45:04
Speaker 1: when the waiter came around and said, oh, how is
45:06
Speaker 1: your food? I said to him, look, it was okay,
45:08
Speaker 1: but I wasn't a huge fan of the mushrooms or whatever.
45:12
Speaker 1: And he walked away, and the person I was with
45:14
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I can't believe you said that,
45:16
Speaker 1: Like do you not think that that's a bit rude?
45:18
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, because how is he going
45:21
Speaker 1: to make his business grow and be better and you know,
45:24
Speaker 1: all of those things if he doesn't get honest feedback,
45:26
Speaker 1: If everyone just says, oh, it was amazing, then eventually
45:29
Speaker 1: he closes. And you know, no one sort of that
45:32
Speaker 1: is any the wiser.
45:34
Speaker 2: So true. They really do want to hear because they
45:37
Speaker 2: can't create change if you aren't expressing that. It's just
45:40
Speaker 2: the way that you do it.
45:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, you feel better when you do it.
45:44
Speaker 2: You do feel better. You do. So if someone's watching
45:47
Speaker 2: today and feels defined by their wounds. What would you
45:51
Speaker 2: want them to know?
45:53
Speaker 1: Well, I think firstly, you are more than what has
45:56
Speaker 1: happened to you. And I think secondly, I think people
46:02
Speaker 1: put a lot of pressure on themselves to be more,
46:06
Speaker 1: do more, show up more. And I think you don't
46:11
Speaker 1: need to become more, you just need to withhold less
46:17
Speaker 1: because I actually think we have everything inside us that
46:23
Speaker 1: you know, makes us amazing, but we're petrified of it,
46:27
Speaker 1: and sometimes with good reason. But if we can even
46:33
Speaker 1: slowly pull down those layers of the wall and just
46:37
Speaker 1: dip our toe in the water of you know, who
46:39
Speaker 1: we authentically are, I think people will find that they
46:44
Speaker 1: actually like that version of themselves and their lives better.
46:52
Speaker 2: Yeah. Love that, Love that, Amanda. Thank you so much
46:56
Speaker 2: for coming on weak up and please tell us where
46:58
Speaker 2: we can reach out to you if anyone would like
47:02
Speaker 2: to learn more.
47:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got a website www. Dot Amanda little dash
47:09
Speaker 1: Anderson dot com dot au and I'm also on LinkedIn
47:13
Speaker 1: as well under Amanda Anderson. Say, although blonde an what
47:20
Speaker 1: my picture on LinkedIn is made with blonde here, so
47:22
Speaker 1: you might not necessarily recognize it.
47:25
Speaker 2: Well, I just want to say thank you for staying
47:30
Speaker 2: up late and joining us from Australia.
47:33
Speaker 1: Well, thank you for having me.
47:35
Speaker 2: It's been incredible and just keep on changing lives. And
47:40
Speaker 2: I've learned so much through this conversation. And again, thank
47:44
Speaker 2: you for coming on wake Up. Thank you, thank you
47:47
Speaker 2: all so much for being here today. And again, if
47:50
Speaker 2: today's conversation resonated with you, please make sure to like,
47:54
Speaker 2: comment and share this episode with someone who may need
47:57
Speaker 2: to hear it. Because your wounds don't have to become
48:00
Speaker 2: your identity, they can become the place where healing begins.
48:05
Speaker 2: And if you're on your own healing journey, a journey
48:08
Speaker 2: of recovery and rebuilding, I hope you'll check out my
48:12
Speaker 2: books Chayos to Clarity and also wake Up You're Not Broken,
48:16
Speaker 2: both available now on Amazon. And remember this healing isn't
48:21
Speaker 2: about erasing your past. It's about discovering that your past
48:25
Speaker 2: doesn't get to write the rest of your story. You
48:29
Speaker 2: are stronger than you know, and you are not broken.
48:33
Speaker 2: You are beginning. This is Wake Up with Marcy, and
48:36
Speaker 2: I'll see you next time.