Latest / Alive, I Guess Podcast / Episode 45 - Top Surgery Be Happenin

Transcript

Episode 45 - Top Surgery Be Happenin · Alive, I Guess Podcast

• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: What's good yours?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to your safe space.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, RJ, and this is the Alive I Guess Podcast.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, welcome.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you for joining.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here, welcome back.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: As always.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure y'all are following us on all social media platforms at Alive I Guess Podcast.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: For all inquiries, email us at alive I guesspodcast at gmail.com.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And for all I say this with love submissions, visit tinyurl.com slash AIGP advice.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are going to be discussing top surgery.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now I understand not everybody is dipping their toe into this pool.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I do do this show for the girls, gays and nays.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: So the ones who align with this, this is specifically for you.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you are curious or looking to start your own journey into getting top surgery, we are going to go over my experiences, what I have learned, how it's impacted me, and everything that goes into it.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: But before we do that, you already know we gotta do a moment of gratitude.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening, be sure to say something out loud that you are grateful for.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if not, and you were watching, drop something below in the comments.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Today, I am grateful for a really good hair day.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Today is one of those days where the hair is doing what it needs to do.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: It don't come easy, it don't come every day.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very rare thing.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So when it's like, oh, curls popping, everything is going the way it's supposed to, nothing is out of place, looking crazy.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate it.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I gotta give a little gratitude for the good hair days.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Those who get it, get it.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't, that's alright.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: But all right, let's get into it.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Cause top surgery be happening.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: This December makes four years post-op.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I got my surgery on December 15th, 2022 in San Francisco, California at the Gender Confirmation Center.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a day that was like the start to a new beginning of the rest of my life.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: It felt like that day took so damn long to get here.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: My journey started long before that.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I told the whole story in another episode about that whole process.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: But for the sake of the topic, um I discovered I identified as non-binary in 2021, early 2021.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then I discovered a person on Instagram who was also non-binary, and they were post-op from getting top surgery, but they had like feminine elements and masculine elements, and it really intrigued me.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so I dove into their videos, and there was one particular video where they really put language to everything that I was feeling, things that I had never knew how to put words to before, and it really just like awakened the true side of me that I didn't even know was in there.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And from there, I decided I did want top surgery because I've always been very uncomfortable in my body, specifically around my chest, completely detached.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like I had no emotion, feeling nothing towards it.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: It really felt like if I woke up with a growth coming out of the middle of my forehead, like it just felt very foreign for me, that whole entire area of my body.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: I found the gender confirmation center, did my research on my surgeon, on the whole process, got my surgery date, and it was about five months away between getting the surgery date and getting the surgery.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then on December 15th, 2022, I got the surgery, moved into recovery, and now four years later, I am living my very wonderful post-op life.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: In my opinion, I feel like deciding to get top surgery and then going through with the actual procedure is much more than just like a decision you make.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's really a significant life event that represents so much more than the cosmetic aspect of it, the outside appearance that you see.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: It really has an impact on your mental and how you see yourself in the mirror and how you feel in your body.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a lot more than just surface level things.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: It really seeps into your identity, it seeps into how you're perceived in the world, it touches on so many different things that is just bigger than I made the dis the decision to go through with this, and now I'm done, and that's just it.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, it's it's a very impactful decision that you do make.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or you have gone through that process to decide you want the surgery, it really drives home the point of who you are as a person in order to do that.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: There are other forms of gender-affirming care.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: BBLs are gender-affirming care.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: The BBLs men get gender-affirming care, the hairline reconstruction that's gender-affirming.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's doing things to make you feel more affirmed in yourself and in the gender that you choose to show up in the way you choose to show up.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I think this is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: But it comes with a lot.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to dive into all of it: the money aspect, the emotional aspect, aftercare, like recovery, all of it.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive in.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was fortunate enough to have health insurance that covered this procedure.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I was signing all the paperwork that I needed to sign and paying my copay of$200, I looked at all the charges that were like attached to the surgery.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: I said a quarter of a million dollars.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Who can pay for that?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, like, I'm so grateful and blessed to have had this covered and not have to go into debt just to have this surgery.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you taking something off of me, I gotta pay a quarter of a million dollars for that.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's insane.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew going in the financial burden was the biggest hurdle that I would have to make sure was taken care of before I even decided, like, hey, let's do this surgery.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So making sure I had the insurance, making sure it was the right insurance, making sure I had a doctor who could sign off on it.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: I had to get a psychiatric sign off, which bothered me a bit because, like, all those other gender-affirming care surgeries that I mentioned, like if I wanted to get something added, like a boob job, I wouldn't have to be like assessed to see if I was mentally like okay enough to get the surgery.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: But for this, I had to get psychiatric sign off, then I had to get my doctor to sign off, then I had to get the insurance to sign off, then I could proceed to move forward.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: But that's another side.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Specifically for the money.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: I read a lot of accounts of people saying their insurance didn't take it.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: You it has to be specific insurance that maybe the facility takes, even before I landed on going with this facility.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And if they don't take it, how are you gonna raise the money?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Who has that much money to raise?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: There are different resources out there.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: People did go fund me.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: When people really want to be affirmed in their body and experience a body that actually feels like a home for them, there are great lengths they will go through.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot say I'm giving up the money off the back because that's a lot to put towards one procedure.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'd probably still be paying it off.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because who has that sort of just money laying around?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Girl, I could do it myself at that rate.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Shit.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, so making sure you have the right insurance, making sure you have the clearance from the different medical practitioners.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you do not have the insurance, doing your research on finding different resources that can help fund them.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: There are different programs, there's a lot of stuff out there that can help you fund the surgery.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if not, there's saving if that's even possible in this goddamn economy, or starting like a fundraiser of sorts.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: But it is not a cheap expense.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: You have the doctors, you have the whole uh hospital visits, you have if you are getting surgery somewhere far away from where you live, you have to be able to go back to that hospital a week later.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: So that might be a hotel stay, that might be back and forth flights or driving or however you choose to get there.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: You have to pay for the things that you need for recovery.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: There are pillows, there's bandages, there's a lot of stuff that goes into that.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: You're going under anesthesia, so that already jacks up the price.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: There are certain clothes you have to buy because you can't lift your arms over your head for a certain amount of time.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it is expensive.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: And fortunately, I had community around me who also helped like get me some things.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: I bought some things on my own.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Coupling that with the insurance, I was able to make this experience as inexpensive as possible.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: But without having that coverage, boy, girl, y'all, they, them, it's pricey.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Also, if you do not have a job that allows you to be off for medical procedures or whatever, that's gonna cost as well.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it was the perfect situation I could put myself in.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was able to take paid time off for a couple of weeks while I healed.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: I had my wife who was living with me, my mom came with me after my surgery, and I think stayed for like a day.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was a very foggy time.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: But I think she stayed for like a day.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I had people to help like care for me and cook for me and all that stuff.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: But if you don't, that is another expense that people don't really account for until they're in it.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if you were thinking and considering getting the surgery, be mindful of all those things.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: And there's probably other things that I'm not even thinking of, but those are the biggest ones.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: That surgery alone, gonna cost.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: So do your due diligence, do your research, find out what's out there, and find the option that works best for you and your financial situation.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Find people or support, whatever that looks like, who can help you out and be mindful you will need that support for a week at least to two weeks after surgery.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can't drive.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: You can't drive.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: So someone's going to have to take you there, and you're not gonna really have the strength to like walk if it's a super far place away, you know.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, there's going to be some costs.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Just keep that in mind.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because not everybody has a financial safety net for things like that.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: I, while I was waiting the five or six months to have the surgery, I was getting everything in line.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I had uh open enrollment open up for work so I was able to move into a new insurance that would help me get the surgery.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: I made sure like I had the PTO or like the coverage plan to help me go on leave so that I could recover.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like I had a lot of time to get things in order.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: But even if you are someone who has that time, it might be too much to figure out.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: It might not work out as smoothly as it worked out for me.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: So just make sure you were thinking of all of that and doing everything you can to find out as much information as possible before you decide to make this jump.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's a jump, and that's just financial.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: We ain't even touched on the emotional costs.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, sitting with anything for five months, six months, it was really longer than that.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because as I'm researching, like I'm wanting it bad.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say like a full eight months of waiting for this day to come, and then you have the after part as well.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: That takes an emotional toll.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was questioning, like, what am I doing?
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is this the right decision?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: What if it doesn't come right, come out right?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: What if I don't like it?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: What if I don't make it out of surgery?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because I uh, as we know, was a little bit larger, and going under anesthesia at that size is it has risk.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I wasn't morbidly obese, but still, like, and this is when my panic attacks were up, so I'm just freaking out.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also wondering if this surgery really is the answer to the things I'm feeling inside.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: What if I go through all this and it really doesn't resolve what I'm truly feeling?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how do I know this is the thing I'm supposed to be doing?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not like I'm just sitting there waiting for a week or like a month, like this is months.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a lot of back and forth you go through in your head.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you tell anybody that you're going through with this, if they don't understand completely the decision that you're making, you're gonna have to deal with like questioning from their part or just wondering how they're going to receive you when you're done, and all that thing about being perceived and fitting into the world, and how is life gonna look for me now that I'm going to be altered physically?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's one thing to be um like gay, you know, and it's one thing to be mask, but now my body has been changed to show that I am more in this like spectrum of queerness, you know.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like now, like I was already non-binary, but now I like my body is non-binary halfway.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I'm only post-op up top, because we ain't we're going no further than that for me personally.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: If that's you, do your thing, but I'm good.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: The buck stopped here.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you have a family who is not accepting of you already, and then you say you're about to get this surgery that makes you lean more into this identity of something that they already don't agree with, that takes an emotional toll on you as well.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much to go through.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be gung-ho and all for it one day, and other days you're like, I I shouldn't do this, let me back out, and then you're gonna be like, No, I don't even care about what people think, and then you're gonna be like, Well, actually, I do.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna go back and forth this whole time.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're anything like me, you're gonna get there the morning of, and your anxiety is going to be through the roof because then you remember, like, you've been thinking about the fact that you're gonna get this surgery, and then you're like, Oh shit, I'm I'm having a surgery.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're also like me and you really do a lot of research, you look at videos of the procedure.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: So there's certain ways in which you can have this procedure with the incisions.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's um incisions that are only like two incisions where they really just remove the tissue.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: There are incisions that are smaller, like if you had a smaller chest, or if you are like a larger person, or if you have a larger chest, that incision is going to be more invasive.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, where you're essentially the essential uh the incision essentially goes like across your entire chest.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Guess which one I got?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: It goes all the way across my chest to part like wraps around my back.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: I knew that was going to be the incision that I had just based on my anatomy.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I looked up what that looks like and kind of freaked myself out.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, if you are a person who can handle that, I would say look it up.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: I like knowing all the information I can, but just imagining myself in that position and then getting there on the day and knowing that's what's going to happen to me, I was freaked out.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: But uh fortunately, shout out to my doctor.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was prescribed a little Atavan before I went.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I was a little calmer.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: The nurses were great.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: I had a heated blanket, they tried to keep me as calm as they could.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I got in the room, um the anesthesiologist was like, How are you feeling?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm very nervous.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Mind you, they're hooking me up and getting me ready.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and he asked if I took anything.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I took Atavan.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Well, I've got something a little stronger than Adavan, and then I woke up.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: So all the nerves went out the window.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: It definitely was super helpful finding someone who is black, who is queer, who is was mask-ish presenting at the time and didn't fit into this normal look, who crossed so many boundaries in what they look like: femininity, masculinity, like it really didn't abide by any book or uh group or category of person that they fit in.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Seeing that, lived out, seeing how much happier they were post-op and hearing them discuss the ways it's impacted them was super helpful, especially during that downtime.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: I believe their name, I don't know if this is still their Instagram name, was Camille.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I remember the specific video I was watching, like I watched it a few times over the course of those months when I felt unsure or was just questioning my decision making and longing for and being hopeful and optimistic that my outcome would be similar to theirs, and I would be happier on the other side of this procedure than I am right now.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I always went back to like how uncomfortable and how awkward and how unfamiliar I felt in this body that I've had my entire life, and not to know what it feels like to feel comfortable inside my body.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: So when I was in doubt, I always looked to that.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, having a supportive partner and parent is definitely helpful as well because they also helped me in the questioning or the moments where I was questioning like if I should do it or if I could do it.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: So there's definitely an emotional labor of preparing yourself, preparing your life, preparing everything that involves you to have this surgery, being in surgery, and recovering from surgery.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: But ultimately, the biggest thing that I had to do was really make peace with what I was letting go and what I was stepping into, even though I did not know and I was not sure, and was hopeful that I would actually be letting go of things and stepping into things.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just tried to move with everything would work out, and it did.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: So the surgery day came, had the surgery, it was the holidays, and we were in the middle of San Francisco, and it took us so long to get home.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was passed out, it didn't matter.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: But I remember waking up a few times, I'm like, god damn, we still in this car.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: It was a lot.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the next couple days were fuzzy.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was bandaged up.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: I woke up and immediately tried to take off my bandages because I wanted See, but I couldn't take them off for a week, so I didn't even get to like see the result for a full week after I'd come out of surgery.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, recovery was um it.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like it was super hard for me.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: I heard horror stories of what it could have been, but that was not my experience.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard that people had their skin um or their like skin tissue adhere to their muscle, which is not good.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard stitches loosening.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Uh if okay, so in top surgery, if you are on your journey, you know this.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: If not, fun fact you can choose to keep your nipples.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: You uh depending on how big you were before you went in, they can be the same place and be attached to your skin as they were, or for most people, they will have to be taken off, tissues removed and reattached.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: But with that, there are risks.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: They will not look how they looked before.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: And when they were asking me if I wanted to go with or without, I looked at so many post op notes, so many, and I did not see one that was convincing to me enough to keep them.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't have any.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: None.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: They took everything I had, it's gone.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's just skin and a stitch.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing there.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I've heard if you do keep them, there can be issues with that as well.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Some people say they healed crooked, not that they were put on crooked, but they heal different.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Your skin stretches, it's really tight when it gets uh stitched back together as your skin fluctuates and it's a bit more malleable, like things happen and things start to look differently.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: I know how much the skin can stretch.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: I decided I was gonna try and cook maybe less than two weeks post-op.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Mind you, you are very numb when you come out of surgery for a long time.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: If you ever regain any feeling, I'm at the point where I can like feel things again, but they're still like numb pockets where I can't feel anything.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: But two weeks out, you feel nothing.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I am cooking something with grease.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Grease pops me.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: I have no idea.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm shirtless because I can't put stuff on and it's hot at this point.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: I can't put things over my head.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I look down and I see something on my chest that looks like debris or something.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, what the hell is this?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I wipe skin.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Skin rolled right off, burnt me bad.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: And at the time, it popped me right here, right in the middle, right where the nip would be.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: That same scar is like over here now, under my pit.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be forgetting I have it.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: So your skin shifts, moves, changes as you heal.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: I've heard um like people had beautiful scars when it when they it was all said and done.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: I looked into so many scar gels and creams and tapes because I didn't want like a keloided scar.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've seen them be like pristine, like there's just a lot that can happen that I was going to do my best to make sure it wasn't an issue.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: So for my personal recovery, um, in terms of pain, there was some discomfort.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was really hard not lifting my arms above my head, like you can only lift it to about um like shoulder height for your elbows can't go past there, and your hands can't go like above your head.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that means putting on shirts is gonna be a little different.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta figure out how to do it in a way that doesn't uh hurt you.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all can't drive for a minute, y'all can't exercise, you're also not supposed to lift heavy, but knowing me, uh again, holiday season.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: I have two nephews, they are the same age.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: When I had surgery, it was their first Christmas.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: They were about to turn one, but it's their first, their first Christmas.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want to hold them.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my nephews is a thick boy.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was a heavy 10-month-old, and I was picking them up.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: Should not have done that.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thankfully, there were no consequences to that.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: But you can't do that.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't think about the fact that like your cups and plates and stuff are up there, or you putting on deodorant, or you're in the shower, or you putting on your shirt, or you turning off a light, or closing the blinds, like you can't do any of that.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: So making that adjustment was tough.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: There are also drains.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: There are drains that are inside of you, and they come out, and they're these little bulb things that you have to have on you, and you have to empty a few times a day that is draining the excess fluid that is associated with the surgery.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: That I wasn't a fan of, it was gross.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can still like hear the drain noise when you empty it.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't a good time.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm also paranoid because I'm like, what if I get air in my body and I die because I have anxiety up the yin yang.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: You also can't shower for that first week.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: So these were the hardest things.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, having to sleep kind of propped up because you can't be on your back.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was a bit hard.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: My wife used to be on my ass if I made any sort of move in the middle of the night.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where are you going?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing?
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: You need to be careful.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, chill, dog.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just going to the bathroom, you know?
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but in terms of like healing, it wasn't terrible for me, but it was a journey.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, the skin tightening, the massaging, because I was scared to death that my muscle and my skin was gonna stick together.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: So massaging that out at a certain point, you could do some stretching.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was doing care for my scar.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to, but if you choose, I really did not want a bad scar, and my scar looks great now, you know.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'd say the biggest issue was just like learning to function in this new body that I had in that first year.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, the skin is tight, things feel different, things fit different.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's just an adjustment.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but my story is not everyone's story, so do not take this and think like recovery is easy, because it could be on the other side of that as well.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Even if the recovery was not easy for me, I would do this surgery 10 times over again if I had to.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: The realization that I had in the moment where I saw myself for the first time was unlike any sort of like clear moment that I've ever had in my life.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know I've told this story, I'm gonna tell it again.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, again, we had to wait a week to get the bandages off.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: That whole week, I'm just wrapped up with my little harness that's holding my little drains, wanting to see, trying to get a peek, can't see nothing.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: All you can see is like obviously before you can tell there's something in there.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: Although I used to wear a uh sports bra to death, you could tell, like, it's not flat, but now it's like swollen, but it's flatter than it was.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, what is this going to look like?
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already disoriented from the medication and the surgery and all these things, but like I need to see this without.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we go to the office on the seventh day, and the nurse, she's in there, she's unwrapping me, and it's like these wraps taking forever.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I just want to see it, and it finally comes off, and I look down, but because there's nothing there, no nipples, no nothing, like it's just like, huh.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then I get up and I walk over to the mirror and I see myself, and it really felt like for the first time I saw myself the way I've been seeing and feeling in my mind all of my life, and so the only thing I could say at this point, like the nurse stepped out, I was like, there we go, like now this makes sense, like now it's adding up to what I'm seeing.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: And if I could capture that moment in a bottle and just like drink from that forever, life would be pretty great because it was just pure joy and giddiness that I actually get to experience this thing that everybody seems to have, that I just never did, like feeling at home finally for the first time.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: My wife was also excited.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I remember calling my brothers, they were kind of younger at the time, and they were excited as they could be.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they don't really really understand it, but if I'm happy, they're happy type thing.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember I showed my mom and my older brother for the first time.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: They was trying to be happy, you know, like I think everything kind of hit them at once, so it was just real quiet.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was happy, and again, it was more so like if I'm happy, they're happy.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I think like the fact that it was just bare, like nothing there was kind of surreal.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: I know they've never seen anybody post op before, let alone just like a blank canvas with nothing on it.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, since then, good to go.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: And since then, I have put my tattoos on it and have really made it like a canvas and something that really represents me.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mentioned before, but I have a tattoo uh wording in my tattoo, and it says, You get to be who you are, which is a quote that I got from a friend who tells their son who is trans, and when I heard it, I was like, it really spoke to me.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's thank you for that permission.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that really meant a lot, and I really done it up, but I don't think anyone could feel as excited as I felt.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: And being as excited as I felt in that moment, I knew, regardless of any obstacles that I would come up against in the future, I wouldn't give a damn.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know what it's like to be comfortable showing up as yourself.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: I never did, and this is like the beginning of a brand new life for me, and I'm not letting anybody take that away from me.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: Not even you, you insecure little man, which is general, nobody specific.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, now I will say it did take me a while to show it publicly.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: That didn't happen until this year, probably, or within the last year or so, where like at the beach or at the pool, like I'm not wearing tank tops because I don't want to be perceived.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: Then I remember that I'm being perceived however way I'm being perceived anyway.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I might as well live in my truth and enjoy the sun because I'm looking over and seeing pot bellies and rolls and everything.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: People proud to be who they are.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: Take that top off, baby.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I should be able to be do that as well.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I finally started doing that and not really caring what anyone thinks.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: And now I can truly say, like, I'm really living in my truth.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because that was the last piece that really had me by the throat, so to speak.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: Sidebar, but support systems are very important in a decision like this, in a process like this.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: The day before my surgery, I threw a party.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: I got a hotel, or my wife got a hotel for me, and I invited my closest friends and family.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think anyone but my mom could make it.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_00: But she was gonna be there for surgery, so of course she made it.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: But like my other family, like it was like a Thursday, people had to work, whatever.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: But my friends came.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: We played uh, what's the game with the phone charades or whatever?
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: Guess who?
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: We played games, we talked, we laughed, and it really like eased my mind.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: They wished me well, they brought me things that I could have for my recovery, and they fed me well because I wouldn't be able to eat till the next night, and just really made me feel like I was accepted, I was loved no matter what direction I went, no matter what I did.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: It was like we are showing up for you, we love you, we support you no matter what.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that to me means more than any stranger's judgment of me.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: And these are still people who I love today and see today, and they still support me, and they be gassing me up and making me feel like a pretty princess every opportunity they can, or however I want to feel that day.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like having that support is key because there will be moments post-op where you still have those doubts that you had before you even had the surgery, where you're still adjusting because this is a whole new body.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: You've never had clothes fit and fall off you like smooth, you've never felt this way in your body, and even though it feels more comfortable to you, this still isn't the place that you know, and there's a discomfort in that, oddly enough.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: So having all the support you can is going to be fundamental with making sure you're in the right space to move on because uh can't take it back.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: Can't get them.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: They're gone in the ether, don't know where they are.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: If I decided tomorrow I wanted to get them back, I could, but like it it would be artificial, like you cannot undo the decision you've made, and you really have to be okay with making that decision before you do it because there's no takebacks.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, support is absolutely a must when you're doing this.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: And for my fellow folks who are not used to being taken care of, you're gonna have to be okay with somebody taking care of you for a bit.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: You literally will not be able to do anything for a little while.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: It'll get better over time, but if you don't have support of some kind, you won't be able to eat, bathe, get dressed, drive, pick things up, put things away.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be okay with taking a back seat and letting somebody care for you.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that was something that I was dealing with because I've never been in the care of someone, and that was that was hard.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like not being the one to handle everything, not being the one who could take care of everything, and being completely at the mercy of someone else was tough, and it wasn't something I just went away overnight, like the ability to take care of myself.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: So you're really gonna have to sit with that if you are someone who struggles to do so.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: So if you were able to get that money together, find a facility that you care for, a surgeon who is going to do you right, like I did, you do your due diligence, you come up with a game plan, you put all your ducks in a row, have the surgery, love what you see, then you too could be in this position of loving life post-op.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_00: Four years ago, I wouldn't have thought the impact would be this significant.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, life would be this much brighter for me because of a surgery.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like it felt so cosmetic, and it wasn't until I went through it and I saw it and I started to understand more about myself that I realized it was a lot more deeper than just that.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like that was just kind of like the catalyst to doing the work that needed to be done and the unraveling of old beliefs about myself, but it was a big, a big step in getting there.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: And without it, you couldn't take these steps.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I couldn't take these steps in this new process and way of living and seeing myself and loving myself, honestly.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, did I gain weight in the last four years?
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I did.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: Did I have moments where I did not like my body in the last four years?
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I did.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: However, being in the body that is aligned with who I am internally absolutely helped when those things came.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: If I was still pre-op and going through those, that would have added more fuel to a fire that was already burning out of control.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure when you go through these steps, you take a minute to sit with it and be happy and grateful that you made this decision for you and you went through it and you're on the other side.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, even if you're in recovery or if you're close to getting your surgery, like you gotta look long distance past this because it's gonna be dark before it gets bright.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's with anything that's worth having.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: But just see it through and know that better days are coming, and you did make the right decision, and it was worth it.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: These days, especially as I'm getting a little slim and tremor, I still catch glimpses of myself.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, wow, like that is really me.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I really still have that happiness and that excitement that I had in the mirror four years ago in that doctor's office.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, even four years post the fact, I'm still so glad that I went through with it.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: My relationship with my body changed fundamentally, not just physically.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: The way I see myself and the way I treat myself has completely changed.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: The way my clothes fit, my appearance, my style, how I move through spaces is with more confidence, and I'm not dressing to cover myself up and like hide from the world.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm wearing slim things.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not today, but like I'm wearing slim fitting things where before that would have never happened because I wanted to cover everything so that no one could see me.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like everything about my relationship to my body completely changed for the better.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: Did surgery fix everything?
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_00: No, but it wasn't supposed to, but it definitely put me on a path that could help me do the work to where I could start to fix things, and I've done a lot of fixing in these past four years.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm more comfortable being seen.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_00: I decided to cut my hair because I was hiding behind my hair when I had the long locks.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I really just did not want anyone to see me.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_00: Granted, six feet tall.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm a big presence and I'm trying to hide in plain sight.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now I see me.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_00: I want my presence felt.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not running from anybody or anyone's judgment or anything.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm not worried about it.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: I realize you're gonna think what you think regardless.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd rather give you what I want you to see, and what I see in the mirror, I want you to see back.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I love what I see.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you're gonna love it too.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: At least that's what I tell myself when I enter into these spaces.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: Some days I'd be up, okay.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_00: But there's few and few of those.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, no, surgery didn't fix everything, but it gave me the body I could feel comfortable in, I could feel at home in.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what it was all about.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: That was the biggest thing that I needed when everything else felt so chaotic.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: When the world seems scary, and I'm trying to figure out who I am as a person and how I fit in this world, and I'm already going through my gender identity situation and my sexual orientation.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've been in it for a few years at this point, but I'm still unraveling things and unlearning things or learning things about myself.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this was just something that really helped open all those doors so that I could understand even more and move more in alignment with my truth.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was never just about my chest, like it was about me as a person.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: So the journey from going from a person who had no language to express what it was that I was feeling inside to being four years post-op living in a truth that I never saw for myself was not linear.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_00: This was a brief overview, but there were a lot of moments and situations and things that kind of happened in the middle of it.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: But my situation is not like your situation or anybody's situation out there.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I really wanted to focus on things that are universal for people in this experience, but it wasn't easy.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: But was it worth it?
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_00: Even with financial barriers, recovery, emotional baggage that came with it, the waiting, all of it.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_00: Worth naming, but definitely to me and my story and my experience, all worth it.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are on your own path and you're curious about getting the surgery, you're wondering if it's this is the right thing for you to do, or you're worried about the blockers that may be at bay, I'll say this do the inner work to really find out if this is the answer for you.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because it might be something else.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: Your solution might live elsewhere.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: But if this is the solution that you need to get to that next phase of life, do it.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever is in the way, do what you need to do to make it as easiest on you as possible.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: Do not strain yourself.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying go into$250,000 worth of debt or thousands of dollars worth of debt, whatever it might be.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: But if you assess the risk to the reward and you feel that it is worth it in the end, do it.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: Everything else will work itself out, it'll sort itself out.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let that stop you.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let the fear stop you.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_00: Cause it, when you get to this side, all that fear that you had, you won't even think about no more.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, maybe you have to pay things off, but like it'll be worth it.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_00: I promise.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't need to have it all figured out to take the next step.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: All you have to have is a desire to do it and the definitive yes in your mind that this is the thing for you.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_00: So go for it.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go ahead and dive into this.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_00: I say this with love.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: Reminder: if you would like to have your info read during one of these segments, hit that tiny URL link up and submit your information there.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_00: My ex and I were together for almost four years before he ended things over compatibility issues.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_00: One of them was a deal breaker around kids, but he also said he wished I had integrated more into his friends and family circles.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_00: Basically, he wanted me at every gathering, trip, hangout, and to develop close friendships with his people the same way he had with mine.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: I did show up, I was friendly, I got along with everyone, and they liked me.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just didn't feel a natural closeness with his friends because they had years of history I wasn't a part of.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: One of them also had a pattern of behavior that genuinely made me uncomfortable.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I kept a polite distance.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: When my social battery was low, I just encouraged him to go without me and enjoy his people.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_00: That wasn't enough for him.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_00: He wanted to treat his circle like he wanted me to treat his circle like my own, and I just don't think you can force that.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_00: This was the second relationship that ended over something similar.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_00: My ex before him had the same complaint, even though I showed up and was always friendly.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure if I'm being too inflexible or if I'm just wired differently than what these men needed.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_00: Is it something I should work on, or is it more of a compatibility thing I need to be upfront about earlier?
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_00: I say this with love.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_00: So two things.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_00: One, I believe if you hear the same feedback about yourself from multiple different people, then that genuinely might be an area that needs work.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: But also you are allowed to have your own friends, your partner is allowed to have their own friends, and you don't have to be super cool friends with their friends for your relationship to work out.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now, family is a little different.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_00: I personally have had experiences where I was with people, and there were certain family members I did not get along with, and there were certain friends that I did not get along with.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_00: This has happened in a couple of relationships.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_00: One relationship did not work out, but it wasn't because of that.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_00: Another one did work out, and that didn't stop it.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, the relationships got better with both people, but we weren't buddy buddy.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: I feel if someone wants you to be that close to their friend groups, it's more for convenience, and it somehow stems from insecurity.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because why do you want me that close?
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because let's say you do get real cool and all of a sudden y'all kicking it without them, or maybe y'all break up and you're still in communication with the friends or the family.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now they got a problem.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_00: I feel it's like a two-part thing.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel that is something you can work on, work on it, but also that is just indicative of the characters of two insecure individuals.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_00: Cause yeah, of course, you want you, the person that you're with, and your friends or your families to be good.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: And as long as it's not like beef, that shouldn't be a problem.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like being cordial is completely fine.
• 51:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna get along with everybody, nor should you be forced to do so.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is not middle school.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say it's like a yes and for both.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but ultimately I don't feel it's like a you thing unless there is context that I am missing.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it was just like the people that you were with.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're very standoffish, that could be like, okay, like you gotta be able to play a little bit nicer with folks, but um, you know, only you would know that.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd say like do the work with it, but also don't feel like you have to be BFFs with your partner's people.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's just my personal opinion.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not BFFs with my wife's friends who aren't mutual friends.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you can have your friends and we could be cordial, we could be fine, but I'm not gonna be as tight to you as she is because that's weird.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm impeding on y'all's friendship because you are asking me to, like, no, I don't agree with that.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, uh, do some internal digging and see if you do have a problem here, but if not, it's them, it's not you.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_00: RJ says.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that is all for this week's episode.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_00: As a reminder, follow us on social media, hit us on the email for all inquiries, and visit that tiny URL link for all I say this with love submissions.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I appreciate y'all.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, I'm RJ.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Alive I Guess podcast, and I'll see y'all same time next week.