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The Bloody Tale of the Sausage War · Ridiculous History

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Speaker 1: Ridiculous History is a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome
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Speaker 1: back Ridiculous Historians. As always, thank you so much for
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Speaker 1: tuning in. Today, we're talking about the dogs of War,
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Speaker 1: the hot Dogs War, sausage War. There's the one and
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Speaker 1: only super producer, Max Williams. I'm ben No, I think
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Speaker 1: this title stood out to both of us. Huh well, yeah,
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Speaker 1: I mean you know what they say say war is
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Speaker 1: the verst Yes they do hot dog. They don't really
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Speaker 1: say that hot diggity dog. Yeah, you know. And I'm
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Speaker 1: telling you we title stood out to both of us.
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Speaker 1: Uh three. We thought it would be a light what oh,
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Speaker 1: a sausage war. That sounds delightful, like maybe there'll be
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Speaker 1: some rivals. Chefs are getting a recipe as to how
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Speaker 1: much fenneled their sausage should be stuffed in our Which
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Speaker 1: types of case things do you use? No, No, we
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Speaker 1: should have read a little deeper before we tackle this one.
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Speaker 1: It was in fact about a quite bloody conflict in
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Speaker 1: the Soviet Union and Finland. Yes, a absolute blood bath.
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Speaker 1: On November thirty nine, thirty nine, half a million Soviet
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Speaker 1: soldiers swarmed North. They were armed to the teeth, they
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Speaker 1: had tanks, they have machine guns. This was part of
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Speaker 1: what's known as the Winter War. But the Russian enemy
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Speaker 1: in this case wasn't the Third Reich, even though it's
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Speaker 1: ninety nine, wasn't Third Reich. Instead, it was Finland and
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Speaker 1: Never seeming like they say at Hamilton's, they were outnumbered, outmanned, outgunned.
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Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly all that song goes, but you
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Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about. I sort of dove never.
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Speaker 1: You know, I've never gotten Hamilton's. I'm gonna come out
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Speaker 1: there and say a hot take. I don't get Hambleton's.
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Speaker 1: I don't get all the hype. Uh. Well, the hype
2:13
Speaker 1: can ruin a good thing, you know, I really can't.
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Speaker 1: I never. I never was able to make it all
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Speaker 1: the way through. And the Disney Plus version of it
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Speaker 1: is beautifully filmed. It's verily, really well done. I just
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Speaker 1: I don't know's I find it a little cringe. I'm
2:25
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. I find Lin Manuel Miranda a little cringe. Uh.
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Speaker 1: Let let us know what you think about Hamilton's. Um.
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Speaker 1: But yeah, outgunned indeed and taken by surprise. Uh you
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Speaker 1: would think Finland would have to give up to Stalin.
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Speaker 1: I mean Stalin is just no. Is this iron fisted,
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Speaker 1: you know, military powerhouse in Finland. You don't even think
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Speaker 1: that they have guns. I would just assume they have
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Speaker 1: like pointy sticks or something. But they had some guns.
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Speaker 1: They just didn't have as many as the Soviets. But
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Speaker 1: for one shining moment, uh, it would seem that this
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Speaker 1: might be a David and Goliath type situation, with Finland
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Speaker 1: as the tiny little David with the sling, and Russia
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Speaker 1: being the giant who maybe is going to be toppled
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Speaker 1: by just stick tuitiveness and gumption of the little guy
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Speaker 1: and the little guy in this situation, or at least
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Speaker 1: the rock in that sling the sausage. Yeah, true story.
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Speaker 1: So nine journey back there with those folks. Europe collectively
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Speaker 1: is worried about Germany and their war mongering, but a
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Speaker 1: conflict between the USSR and Finland is also in the wind.
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Speaker 1: In fact, it seems unavoidable. Stalin himself reportedly resented Finland
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Speaker 1: because once upon a time it was Russian territory and
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Speaker 1: it had always fought back against attempts to assimilate the
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Speaker 1: country into Russian culture. And you know, of course you
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Speaker 1: just have to take a casual glance at the app
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Speaker 1: Russia geographically is much much larger than Finland. But in
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Speaker 1: Stalin's mind and to a lot of a lot of
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Speaker 1: other people in Russia at the time, the loss of
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Speaker 1: Finland was a terrible example of the diminishment of the
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Speaker 1: Russian Empire, you know what I mean. They thought of
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Speaker 1: the days when Finland was part of Russia as the
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Speaker 1: glory days of the Empire. So they took the loss.
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Speaker 1: At least Stalin took the loss very personally. Yeah, it
4:31
Speaker 1: seems like Stalin took most things pretty personally. If you've
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Speaker 1: seen the movie The Death of Stalin. He was a
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Speaker 1: very petty man um who would let no slight go unpunished, right,
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Speaker 1: It was sort of his whole vibe. So, behind the scenes,
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Speaker 1: the Soviet Union of Nazi Germany had kind of colluded
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Speaker 1: or at least made this agreement not to interfere with
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Speaker 1: each other's territorial you know, goals in certain parts of Europe. Anyway,
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Speaker 1: um in the Soviet Union and finn Land had signed
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Speaker 1: this non aggression packed in two Stalin started flexing uh
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Speaker 1: and making that beef very public and demanding that Finland
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Speaker 1: seed that territory. Um just a couple of years after
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Speaker 1: they had signed this don aggression packed and you could
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Speaker 1: definitely argue that him uh mounting this kind of public
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Speaker 1: campaign is certainly aggressive, the kind of aggressive that George
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Speaker 1: Bush would would say, we will not let stand um.
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Speaker 1: So when Hitler finally invaded Poland in nineteen thirty nine,
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Speaker 1: that's when Stalin saw his chance to get in there
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Speaker 1: and and then take back what he thought was rightfully
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Speaker 1: his Yeah, because the world's eyes are on Germany and Poland,
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Speaker 1: so Stalin, as he said, sees an opportunity. November nine,
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Speaker 1: Soviet forces bomb Helsinki and they launched their invasion. The
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Speaker 1: international community is of course not supportive of this, but
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Speaker 1: it seems like their their hands are tied. Soviet victory
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Speaker 1: seems inevitable. The Finnish forces are outnumbered three to one.
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Speaker 1: This war looks like it's not just gonna be a
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Speaker 1: victory for the Soviet forces, but it looks like it's
6:18
Speaker 1: going to be a very short war. This assault, like
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Speaker 1: we said, they're they're over six hundred thousands Soviet troops,
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Speaker 1: thousands of tanks, planes, heavy artillery. The Finnish army is
6:30
Speaker 1: less than half the size of the invading army and
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Speaker 1: they only have a few tanks. They don't really have
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Speaker 1: a ton of planes, and they're they're also to be
6:41
Speaker 1: to be blunt. They're low on bullets, Like even if
6:45
Speaker 1: they had more guns, would they have the ammunition to
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Speaker 1: put in them. That's a big problem. They're outnumbered, they're outgunned.
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Speaker 1: They are subjected to massive garages of artillery attacks. In
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Speaker 1: in cases pointed out by War on the Rocks dot Com,
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Speaker 1: over three hundred thousand artillery shells fell on finished positions
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Speaker 1: in the space of a day. Oh my god, how
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Speaker 1: could you come back from that? And according to many
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Speaker 1: you know, written accounts from the time, the sound of
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Speaker 1: those munitions hitting could be heard over a hundred miles
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Speaker 1: away in hell Sinki. It was so cacophonous. And there's
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Speaker 1: just so many of them. Third, three hundred thousand shells,
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Speaker 1: and we're talking like big old these are like, you know,
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Speaker 1: mortar shells right then, like mortar rounds. Yeah, these artillery
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Speaker 1: these are these are not fireworks, you know what I mean.
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Speaker 1: They're doing serious, serious damage. And then right after these,
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Speaker 1: right after these shock and awe attacks, the Soviet troops
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Speaker 1: try to storm the Finnish bunkers but what like, just
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Speaker 1: to give you a sense of the destruction, folks, when
7:52
Speaker 1: the Soviets would get into these bunkers, they would see
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Speaker 1: the Finnish defenders, the occupants of the bunkers dead from
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Speaker 1: the sheer concussive force of these artillery blast That's right.
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Speaker 1: It reminds me of the story we did about the
8:08
Speaker 1: Hunley where you know, many of the crew of the
8:12
Speaker 1: Hunley was found um, peacefully dead. Uh, and that turned
8:17
Speaker 1: out to be largely because they were killed by shock waves.
8:20
Speaker 1: Underwater shock waves from those minds, I believe is what
8:23
Speaker 1: it was undersea mine. So I mean just just literally
8:26
Speaker 1: those kinds of vibrations, even if it's not a direct hit,
8:29
Speaker 1: can like liquefy your insides practically. Yep. Shout out to
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Speaker 1: Rachel Lance. It's so crazy that we know the world's
8:35
Speaker 1: foremost authority on underwater explosions. That's a feather in my cap.
8:40
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, man, but I I sometimes
8:42
Speaker 1: think about that and I need a little you know,
8:45
Speaker 1: we'll pick me up, a little pick me up. Absolutely,
8:48
Speaker 1: that's a very very cool episode. Um okay, so dead
8:52
Speaker 1: eerily silent again. According to War on the Rock dot Com,
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Speaker 1: Finish troops laying you know, placidly in their bunkers does
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Speaker 1: not seem like the type of turnaround victory or the
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Speaker 1: you know, the type of like underdog story that we promised.
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Speaker 1: So how do we get there. Let's introduce Group tal Vela. Uh.
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Speaker 1: The Finnish four Core was given the job of securing Finland,
9:26
Speaker 1: specifically the northern shore of Lake Ladoga. They had two
9:30
Speaker 1: full divisions, they had battalions assigned to it. In the
9:34
Speaker 1: opening days of the Winter War, the corps actually wasn't
9:38
Speaker 1: doing very well and the leaders allowed their units to
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Speaker 1: give up a lot of ground, which of course led
9:46
Speaker 1: to a rapidly deteriorating wartime situation. There's a character we
9:50
Speaker 1: want to introduce, Colonel Pavo tal Vela. He was a
9:55
Speaker 1: it was a veteran of something that we're going to
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Speaker 1: treat very seriously. The despite being children in the nineteen
10:05
Speaker 1: nineteen as expedition, which was very very much like he
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Speaker 1: went very deep, proved the deaths. Yes, it's an expedition
10:17
Speaker 1: deep into a region. Uh, it's a penetrative mission. Uh.
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Speaker 1: It's been a long week, folks, But this is a
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Speaker 1: real story. The news expedition and we're um, we're we're adults.
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Speaker 1: But so this Colonel Telvella, after his extensive but imperfect
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Speaker 1: uh you know, experiences with uh, he had also written
10:44
Speaker 1: a thesis about combat operations in the Why did you
10:50
Speaker 1: have to say again? I was almost recovered. Hey, but
11:04
Speaker 1: I'm okay. Now I am wiping these tears away from
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Speaker 1: my eyes. Uh. And I'm going to power power on
11:11
Speaker 1: sally Forth as Day's say. Um. He held him a
11:14
Speaker 1: meeting with another very important man, the marshal by the
11:18
Speaker 1: name of Karl Mannerheim. It was concerned that if the
11:22
Speaker 1: situation continued to escalate, they were likely going to end
11:27
Speaker 1: up losing their advantage to the front that they had
11:30
Speaker 1: and then ultimately the war. So the Soviet eighth Army,
11:34
Speaker 1: it was already on its way to uh vartill yah
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Speaker 1: ver vertil Ya. I'm gonna call it. It's get them
11:41
Speaker 1: loud over the a and the second a UM. And
11:44
Speaker 1: that was a very important strategic railway junction that would
11:47
Speaker 1: open up the way um to the Karelian Isthmus, which
11:53
Speaker 1: is another very very important strategic location, and then they
11:57
Speaker 1: would have access to the main defense line. Yeah, that's
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Speaker 1: that's the idea and it's a pretty solid argument, at
12:03
Speaker 1: least Mannerheim thinks. So he's convinced, and so Tavella says, look,
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Speaker 1: here's what you need to do. You need to send
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Speaker 1: some folks over to relieve some of the pressure here.
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Speaker 1: So Mannerheim sends the infantry Regiment sixteen known as the
12:17
Speaker 1: j R. Sixteen under the command of a friend of
12:20
Speaker 1: Tavela is a guy named Lieutenant Colonel aro Peji, and
12:26
Speaker 1: gets his regiment from the railway to the front lines.
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Speaker 1: Tavella is giving the command of a special group called
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Speaker 1: Group tal Vela, and they get a pretty hardcore cinematic order.
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Speaker 1: They're told to stop the Soviet advance by any means necessary.
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Speaker 1: Do you think he named the group after himself or
12:47
Speaker 1: it was bestowed upon them by some higher up unclear, unclear,
12:51
Speaker 1: but I would like to think that somebody else just
12:53
Speaker 1: called it that. It seems a little humility come on.
12:59
Speaker 1: And so he's got there there, you know, presumably like
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Speaker 1: they've got a special set of skills, right um, They're
13:04
Speaker 1: ordered to get out there, get a get ahead of
13:07
Speaker 1: this problem, stop the Soviet advance using whatever, you know,
13:12
Speaker 1: special set of skills they were, you know, gifted with
13:15
Speaker 1: and together Talvella and Parjari um were able to kind of,
13:19
Speaker 1: you know, rally the troops. The Finnish forces. At this point,
13:23
Speaker 1: we're kind of like down a little down trodden. Um.
13:26
Speaker 1: They were not feeling like they had much of a chance,
13:28
Speaker 1: and the Soviets were still advancing at a at a
13:32
Speaker 1: pretty significant clip. Um. So Parjari decided to conduct the
13:39
Speaker 1: kind of behind the lines raid against the Soviet forces
13:44
Speaker 1: that we're coming closer and closer to the area. So
13:47
Speaker 1: Peji in his ragtag band of you know Ninja's just
13:52
Speaker 1: gets even more ninja like with what I'm got to
13:54
Speaker 1: tell you. They actually ski uh their snow ninjas. They
13:57
Speaker 1: ski through the forests of North Karelia um under the
14:01
Speaker 1: cover of night. Um. There is also there's a like
14:03
Speaker 1: a diversionary attack by that other company UM j R
14:07
Speaker 1: sixteen uh, the Infantry Regiment sixteen. And after a few
14:12
Speaker 1: hours of skiing, the raiding party came across a regiment
14:16
Speaker 1: of Soviet soldiers who were asleep uh in a valley
14:19
Speaker 1: by um Kevi Zalmi Visali. Yeah, here's what they did.
14:23
Speaker 1: They were these are guerilla tactics. They are launching surprise
14:29
Speaker 1: attacks and then they're immediately relocating so that the Soviet forces,
14:35
Speaker 1: which still outnumber them, are unable to muster up some
14:39
Speaker 1: kind of counter attack. So these guys are are doing
14:42
Speaker 1: drive bys on skis. Basically they're firing, they're skiing away,
14:47
Speaker 1: and then they're confusing the enemy. The raid was massively successful.
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Speaker 1: The only casualty actually was Pejari himself, who had a
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Speaker 1: mild heart attack on the return. Juror me. So this
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Speaker 1: raid was huge for the morale of the Finnish forces
15:06
Speaker 1: and it was incredibly demoralizing for Soviet forces. But even
15:12
Speaker 1: though this made the Finns fill a little bit better,
15:16
Speaker 1: most observers still thought this was just delaying the inevitable
15:19
Speaker 1: and that Soviet forces would win the war, except that
15:24
Speaker 1: is for a crucial misstep that they made on their side.
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Speaker 1: The forces who took over the border in November ninety nine,
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Speaker 1: they weren't in great shape because they lost a lot
15:39
Speaker 1: of leadership due to Stalin's famous paranoia. You know, he's
15:44
Speaker 1: known for purging his political rivals and even people who
15:48
Speaker 1: thought they were friends with him. Between nine and nineteen
15:51
Speaker 1: thirty nine, over thirty thousand high ranking officers have been
15:57
Speaker 1: at the very least fired. A lot of them were
16:00
Speaker 1: arrested or executed, and Stalin's supporters were put in their places,
16:05
Speaker 1: regardless of what their qualifications might be. This is pretty
16:09
Speaker 1: bad news because these new officers are green, they don't
16:12
Speaker 1: really know what they're doing. Their bureaucrats, they're not soldiers, right,
16:16
Speaker 1: And also just that you know that kind of climate,
16:18
Speaker 1: and we've all been there, worked for a company or
16:20
Speaker 1: whatever where you're always kind of like paranoid about what
16:23
Speaker 1: your boss is gonna do. Maybe much of your colleagues
16:26
Speaker 1: has gotten fired, and you're kind of living in constant fear.
16:29
Speaker 1: It's terrible for morale. Um. So all these rank and
16:32
Speaker 1: file troops in the Soviet Armies were just kind of
16:36
Speaker 1: like just ill at ease, and like you said, the
16:39
Speaker 1: new officers that were installed, we're just not very experienced.
16:42
Speaker 1: They didn't really know how to command troops on the ground.
16:45
Speaker 1: And this in fact backfired in Finland where many of
16:50
Speaker 1: the Red Army troops were not used to that type
16:54
Speaker 1: of climate um and the more green d of like leadership. Now,
17:01
Speaker 1: they weren't used to you know, training for winter kind
17:05
Speaker 1: of conditions or anything like that, and so they also
17:09
Speaker 1: weren't particularly able to properly keep their troops fed and
17:13
Speaker 1: clothed and you know, guarded against the elements. So they're
17:19
Speaker 1: you know, seemingly less formidable foe than the Finish. While
17:23
Speaker 1: they definitely had a disadvantage in terms of like power,
17:25
Speaker 1: firepower and and manpower. Uh, they were definitely better fed
17:29
Speaker 1: and much more used to the climate. And then these uh,
17:33
Speaker 1: you know, wintry conditions. So there are even tales of
17:37
Speaker 1: food shortages that got so bad that cannibalism was taking
17:42
Speaker 1: place among the Russian rank and file. Yeah, and this
17:46
Speaker 1: isn't for everyone, folks, but it's widely understood that the
17:50
Speaker 1: catabalism did actually occur. That claim is supported by actual
17:55
Speaker 1: Finish photographs from the time period. So this is this
17:59
Speaker 1: is a war of extremes. It's one of the coldest
18:02
Speaker 1: winters on record. Uh. The Finnish forces have the home
18:07
Speaker 1: turf advantage because they live in this area, you know
18:10
Speaker 1: what I mean, They're used to the brutal climate. Daylight
18:14
Speaker 1: is only lasting a few hours, temperatures are regularly going
18:18
Speaker 1: way below freezing. This means that if you have any
18:21
Speaker 1: exposed flesh and you're out in the wild, you can
18:24
Speaker 1: immediately get frostbite bodies. Yeah, bodies will freeze in minutes.
18:31
Speaker 1: You could probably use dead bodies for a barrier if
18:34
Speaker 1: you want it, because they would become that hard. Uh.
18:37
Speaker 1: The radios aren't always working because the raging blizzards, you
18:41
Speaker 1: can't do a lot of aerial reconnaissance. Uh. And also
18:44
Speaker 1: in these winter storms make firing artillery tricky. So the
18:49
Speaker 1: Fins see this and recognize it as an advantage. That's
18:53
Speaker 1: pretty neat. Man, if you think about it, you think
18:56
Speaker 1: about the desert and like the tundra as being like
18:59
Speaker 1: could be like, you know, no pun intended polar opposites.
19:02
Speaker 1: But if you look at the types of clothing that
19:05
Speaker 1: the Finnished soldiers war they were, they they really resemble
19:09
Speaker 1: the types of clothing Bedouins are folks who you know,
19:12
Speaker 1: make their home or travel a lot in the desert
19:15
Speaker 1: where they're called snow capes, and they're like literally these
19:18
Speaker 1: kind of loose fitting, kind of like cloths that go
19:21
Speaker 1: over their head almost like a turban, and then over
19:23
Speaker 1: their body and apparently was something that helped them adapt
19:26
Speaker 1: to the climate. And they also used reindeer. And again
19:29
Speaker 1: we've already talked about how the Finnish troops were skiing.
19:32
Speaker 1: They were used to this terrain and they could take
19:35
Speaker 1: advantage of it and actually make it work for them,
19:38
Speaker 1: especially when it came to the element of surprise. Yeah,
19:41
Speaker 1: and keep in mind that when we're talking about the
19:43
Speaker 1: Russian and Cranian soldiers not being familiar with the area
19:46
Speaker 1: or the climate, very few of those individuals could even
19:50
Speaker 1: use snowshoes, so skiing is kind of out of the
19:53
Speaker 1: question for them. Also, those khaki uniforms stick out from
19:58
Speaker 1: a long way away, which is a not not a
20:01
Speaker 1: good look if you're on the Soviet side. So these
20:05
Speaker 1: Finnish ski troopers were able to take were able to
20:09
Speaker 1: gauge in multiple strategies, and they were able to come
20:13
Speaker 1: from multiple directions, you know as snow bank or what
20:16
Speaker 1: have you. The infantry and armored units of the Soviets
20:20
Speaker 1: have to stay on these really narrow forest roads and
20:24
Speaker 1: they're long columns. Because they're marching in a line, right
20:28
Speaker 1: or they're rolling into tanks in a line, they can
20:30
Speaker 1: be ambushed and they can be cut apart by something
20:34
Speaker 1: that the Finns called Malti tactics m O t t I.
20:39
Speaker 1: That's a it's a term for a measure of firewood,
20:44
Speaker 1: so they were chopping them down like wood. Is what
20:47
Speaker 1: what that name refers to? Interesting, there's actually uh scholarly
20:52
Speaker 1: paper on MASSI tactics and finished military historiography since World
20:58
Speaker 1: War Two. That is the very sexy title of it
21:00
Speaker 1: from the University of Eastern Finland by Posse to nine
21:03
Speaker 1: men if you want to read a little bit more
21:05
Speaker 1: about this uh particular historical tactic. But um, again I
21:12
Speaker 1: keep referring to them as snow ninja's because this is
21:14
Speaker 1: not what they were. They were able to move very
21:16
Speaker 1: silently with these reindeer, who also need to be able
21:19
Speaker 1: to move silently to stay away from predators. Um. They
21:22
Speaker 1: were transporting their heavier kind of artillery on these very
21:27
Speaker 1: silently moving, well adapted reindeer, whereas the Soviets were still
21:32
Speaker 1: using motorized vehicles so they could hear them coming a
21:34
Speaker 1: mile away. Um. I have to mention that the Soviets
21:37
Speaker 1: were starting to really show uh their fatigue and malnourishments,
21:41
Speaker 1: so they were like super like on edge all the time.
21:44
Speaker 1: And a lot of these attacks took place during the nights,
21:47
Speaker 1: which lasts longer. You know. We know that in like
21:50
Speaker 1: Alaska and an arcticustin like that. I mean, it stays
21:53
Speaker 1: dark sometimes for you know, like weeks out of the
21:56
Speaker 1: year sometimes, right, yeah, yeah, and daylight is all going
22:00
Speaker 1: to be a few hours long at this time of year.
22:03
Speaker 1: The attacks are also occurring at night because Soviet campfires
22:09
Speaker 1: are the there might as well be advertisements saying, come
22:12
Speaker 1: attack us if you're a finished sniper. Uh So, the
22:15
Speaker 1: Red Army soldiers start to really get beaten down in
22:19
Speaker 1: terms of morale, but it's having physical effects as well.
22:23
Speaker 1: A lot of them are severely sleep deprived, and one
22:27
Speaker 1: of their most effective strategies on the Finished side was
22:32
Speaker 1: what War on the Rocks described as weaponization of the
22:35
Speaker 1: enemy's hunger. So to have soldiers, you have to be
22:39
Speaker 1: able to feed them, especially if they're in if they're
22:44
Speaker 1: conducting such strenuous exercises in such a demanding environment during
22:50
Speaker 1: the winter war, the like, if we were all Soviet soldiers,
22:54
Speaker 1: our daily ration would be like a hunk of bread
22:58
Speaker 1: and maybe some tea. On the other side, the Fins
23:01
Speaker 1: have everything hooked up. They've got these preserved meats, they've
23:06
Speaker 1: got this very nutrient rich, if not super appetizing gruel,
23:10
Speaker 1: and they have these sled driven cooking units that are
23:15
Speaker 1: just zipping back and forth bringing home the bacon or
23:18
Speaker 1: in this case, the sausage. Yeah, and we know historically
23:22
Speaker 1: um sausage has been very important staple during war times
23:26
Speaker 1: or just during more lean times, because they last longer.
23:29
Speaker 1: You know, you can hang them up, you can pre
23:30
Speaker 1: cook them, or keep them freeze dried, or there's there's
23:33
Speaker 1: any number of ways to keep them from spoiling, because
23:36
Speaker 1: it's the way that they're you know, cased and all
23:38
Speaker 1: that stuff, so very very important uh staple. But the
23:43
Speaker 1: Red Army persisted because you know, you don't say no
23:45
Speaker 1: to Papistalin, do you y. It's generally thought not to
23:48
Speaker 1: be a good idea. So the Soviets are rightly terrified
24:01
Speaker 1: and they're getting close to starving. If we fast forward
24:05
Speaker 1: to December ten, we see that a Soviet battalion, the
24:10
Speaker 1: ninth Rifle Division, staged a surprise attack on finished troops
24:15
Speaker 1: near a village in the east. And this would have
24:19
Speaker 1: been a very easy victory for the Soviets, but because
24:22
Speaker 1: they were starving, they lost their minds. When they ran
24:28
Speaker 1: into the cooking tents for the Finnished soldiers, they smelled
24:32
Speaker 1: sausage stew, and this was a purposely fat, heavy meal
24:37
Speaker 1: that was meant to keep the fins fighting despite the
24:40
Speaker 1: freezing conditions. So they stopped their attack. They like dropped
24:44
Speaker 1: the whole thing, and they said, Okay, let's get something,
24:48
Speaker 1: which is pretty understandable, you know, if all you've been
24:50
Speaker 1: eaten is is not great bread and then maybe some tea.
24:54
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it was the right thing to do,
24:56
Speaker 1: but I definitely would have stopped for a for a
24:58
Speaker 1: food truck, absolute kidding, especially like a delicious sausage truck
25:05
Speaker 1: and a bowl full of gruel. Gruel. Now, and look,
25:08
Speaker 1: I think gruel gets a bad rap. You know. I
25:11
Speaker 1: really was a big fan of cream of wheat when
25:13
Speaker 1: I was a small child. I think I would probably
25:15
Speaker 1: still enjoy it this day. And I also enjoy pronouncing
25:18
Speaker 1: the hard ancient wheat um. But uh, that's essentially what
25:22
Speaker 1: gruel is. It's just like some sort of you know, pablum,
25:25
Speaker 1: like uh, you know, I guess it could be served warm.
25:29
Speaker 1: We could live on that. But yeah, you know, you
25:30
Speaker 1: can get to get some sausage. That's what I'm saying.
25:34
Speaker 1: It's I feel like it's a negative connotation it's like,
25:37
Speaker 1: let's just call it something else, let's call it cream
25:39
Speaker 1: of wheat. But they could not resist that delicious smell,
25:44
Speaker 1: and it would have suck out, you know, you know,
25:46
Speaker 1: it would have been carried from far away in those
25:49
Speaker 1: freezing cold conditions. They never would have They never had
25:52
Speaker 1: a chance. So it was too much for them. They
25:56
Speaker 1: did pause their attack. They got that finished sausage, and
25:59
Speaker 1: the Finnish defenders took advantage of that. Lieutenant Colonel r
26:03
Speaker 1: O Pejari, the hero of our story, was happened to
26:07
Speaker 1: be passing through the area at the time and he
26:10
Speaker 1: saw this wave of Fins that were like acting all panicky, Right,
26:14
Speaker 1: why are they panicking? Then, Oh, they're panicking because there's
26:17
Speaker 1: this sneak attack that's happening that's only been stopped because
26:22
Speaker 1: the attackers are starving, and now they're just gorging themselves
26:26
Speaker 1: on sausage, like jamming it in their mouths, you know,
26:29
Speaker 1: jamming it in their pockets, hiding it wherever they can
26:32
Speaker 1: uh because they don't know if this opportunity will come again.
26:35
Speaker 1: We can emphasize nothing literally starving gets together like a
26:43
Speaker 1: last minute group. He gets about a hundred cooks clerks
26:47
Speaker 1: and some gunners, and they are able to basically sneak
26:53
Speaker 1: up on this exhausted rifle regiment just after midnight on
26:58
Speaker 1: December eleven, and it this is incredibly brutal. This is
27:03
Speaker 1: a blood bath. It's one of the few times, um
27:06
Speaker 1: at least according to historian William Trotter, it's one of
27:08
Speaker 1: the only times that bayonet fighting was recorded during the
27:12
Speaker 1: Winter War. Uh. They use the Finns use a particular
27:16
Speaker 1: thing called a puko knife. You heard of these, I haven't.
27:19
Speaker 1: I just looked it up. And it's just a nasty
27:22
Speaker 1: little knife, super sharp, like a like a dear bone
27:26
Speaker 1: handle kind of thing, and a short blade, real good
27:30
Speaker 1: for a shankin stabbing. Uh. And you could definitely slice
27:33
Speaker 1: the throat with a very very sharp edge, and they
27:36
Speaker 1: did just that. Throats were slashed, people were gunned down, presumably,
27:41
Speaker 1: you know, while steaming pots of uh of sausage soups
27:46
Speaker 1: spilled out everywhere. It sounds like a real horror shown. Yeah, yeah, definitely,
27:51
Speaker 1: because if you see those blades that they were using,
27:53
Speaker 1: and things like Trunchean's as well, there's not a lot
27:56
Speaker 1: of range to those. This was very close orders bloody combat.
28:01
Speaker 1: It only lasts a few minutes, and as put in
28:04
Speaker 1: Finland at war dot Com, Soviets tried to scatter, but
28:09
Speaker 1: some of those soldiers ended up dying with their mouths
28:12
Speaker 1: in their pockets full of sausage. So that is the
28:17
Speaker 1: very undelightful reason this has been called the sausage War.
28:21
Speaker 1: It's not what I think any of us were hoping for.
28:25
Speaker 1: We were thinking, hey, if it is like a food fight,
28:27
Speaker 1: or there's something funny, or someone like slaps Joseph Stalin
28:30
Speaker 1: with a sausage and picturing a rat a two E
28:33
Speaker 1: type situation, you know, some sort of delightful you know,
28:37
Speaker 1: feud between an upstairs downstairs kind of story, you know
28:41
Speaker 1: for the ages with a happy ending where everyone eats together.
28:44
Speaker 1: Uh no, no, no, and and and imagine, I always,
28:47
Speaker 1: I think it's always so dramatic when they do this
28:48
Speaker 1: in the film. But I mean, presumably the snow would
28:51
Speaker 1: have just been stained with blood. Oh yeah, absolutely when
28:56
Speaker 1: dawn would come for a few short hours. It would
28:59
Speaker 1: be a nightmarish scene. So after the immediate fighting, some
29:06
Speaker 1: Finnished soldiers are scouting around for escape ease and they're
29:11
Speaker 1: using a lamp to stun their prey and then another
29:15
Speaker 1: guy fires a submachine gun. The Finns lost about twenty people.
29:20
Speaker 1: The Red Army lost over a hundred, and that's just
29:24
Speaker 1: the bodies they found and counted. This terrified the Russian Batalians.
29:28
Speaker 1: Very few people had survived, and it shows both the
29:32
Speaker 1: disorganization of the Red Army and just how adept the
29:36
Speaker 1: Finnish forces were even outnumbered and honestly how ruthless they
29:40
Speaker 1: were when it when it came time to rumble. It's funny.
29:44
Speaker 1: I just think of the I think of the Finnished
29:46
Speaker 1: people is very like placid and you know, just like
29:49
Speaker 1: like chill. But that is my own inexperience with the
29:53
Speaker 1: Finnished people. Uh, and I will make that mistake again
29:57
Speaker 1: if I am forced to face off in battle with
29:58
Speaker 1: one of them. Yeah. Actually, uh. Finland has a reputation
30:03
Speaker 1: for being incredibly effective in times of war. As a
30:07
Speaker 1: matter of fact, this is something some of our ridiculous
30:09
Speaker 1: historians were already thinking of the world's deadliest snipers from Finland.
30:15
Speaker 1: His name, I want to say, Simo Semo hi Ha
30:18
Speaker 1: or something like that. H a y h a whom
30:22
Speaker 1: all outs over the a's Uh. He has at least
30:26
Speaker 1: five hundred confirmed kills during this Winter war. Jesus I
30:31
Speaker 1: know his nickname was the White Death. So they're very
30:35
Speaker 1: much a Max please beat me here. They're very much
30:40
Speaker 1: on a around and find out vibe, thank you, thanks,
30:46
Speaker 1: very effective. You're you're the You're like a Finnish sniper
30:50
Speaker 1: of beeping. There it is there, it is so uh
30:53
Speaker 1: with Max as our winter soldier, let's continue the story here.
30:58
Speaker 1: The Finnish forces realized how effective this is, how like
31:03
Speaker 1: critical the food situation is on the Soviet side, so
31:07
Speaker 1: they decide to weaponize it by ordering everybody to target
31:12
Speaker 1: Soviet field kitchens. So start removing the food or removing
31:17
Speaker 1: the access to it. Uh. This they finally found their weakness.
31:21
Speaker 1: Soviets need food, which is what Checkers is referencing when
31:25
Speaker 1: they say you gotta eat, you gotta actually yeah, so
31:31
Speaker 1: so this becomes kind of the breaking point. But still
31:35
Speaker 1: sausage is not enough to stop the invasion. After more
31:38
Speaker 1: than a hundred days of war, Finland is finally overwhelmed
31:42
Speaker 1: just because Stalin was throwing bodies at the problem. They
31:47
Speaker 1: just couldn't compete with the sheer magnitude of the firepower.
31:52
Speaker 1: And it's It's a pretty popular example for people who
31:55
Speaker 1: are students of military strategy because Finland doesn't have a
31:59
Speaker 1: big popular lation at the time. It's considered kind of
32:02
Speaker 1: weak and isolated diplomatically, but it made the war so
32:07
Speaker 1: costly for Russia in terms of in terms of sheer
32:11
Speaker 1: blood and loss of human life. So wait, a manute,
32:13
Speaker 1: are you saying that Stalin let his own ego and
32:16
Speaker 1: megalomania stand in the way of an effective war? Well,
32:19
Speaker 1: you know, uh, there there are a lot of things
32:22
Speaker 1: that could be said about Joseph m and not all
32:26
Speaker 1: of them are good, to put it lightly, but this, uh,
32:31
Speaker 1: this kill ratio is still one of the most extreme
32:36
Speaker 1: in the history of modern warfare. Uh. I think experts
32:40
Speaker 1: now estimate that Finland maybe lost twenty five thousands soldiers,
32:46
Speaker 1: but the Soviets lost somewhere around two hundred thousand and
32:51
Speaker 1: the ones and many of those who didn't die were
32:54
Speaker 1: crippled for life due to frostbite. Yeah, that frost bite
32:57
Speaker 1: is absolutely no joke. Um. Finland did eventually fall to Stalin,
33:03
Speaker 1: though um despice this very formidable underdog moment. Unfortunately, they
33:09
Speaker 1: were forced to seed massive pieces of their territory. But
33:15
Speaker 1: the army was so effective and scene is so effective
33:19
Speaker 1: that they were able to keep their independence. Uh, and
33:22
Speaker 1: we're spared the same fate as many of the other
33:25
Speaker 1: Baltic states. So good on Finland, Right, it's pretty cool. Yeah, Yeah,
33:32
Speaker 1: it's it's a brutal story. But war is a brutal
33:35
Speaker 1: industry and it's just the worst. Yeah. And this conflict
33:41
Speaker 1: led to a lot of consequences for members of the
33:45
Speaker 1: Soviet military, and it actually led to some reforms that
33:49
Speaker 1: were sorely needed. But that is the story of the
33:55
Speaker 1: Sausage War. No, it's such a brutal story that I
33:59
Speaker 1: don't don't think we should just end it there. Um,
34:02
Speaker 1: maybe we can give maybe we can get a taste
34:06
Speaker 1: of something lighter. I've got a little story for you, guys.
34:11
Speaker 1: I went through a period where I was looking at
34:15
Speaker 1: apartments in other countries, especially when I realized that we
34:19
Speaker 1: can work remotely, and I got really into looking at
34:22
Speaker 1: finished apartments because they have they have all these cool
34:26
Speaker 1: innovations that you just don't see an apartments in the US.
34:29
Speaker 1: And one thing that struck me as weird is that
34:33
Speaker 1: like every apartment building is just sort of expected to
34:37
Speaker 1: have a sauna it's that much of the culture. It
34:40
Speaker 1: truly is. Uh. Sauna culture is huge there. Um ben,
34:44
Speaker 1: have you heard of a thing called a shower beer? Yeah, yeah,
34:48
Speaker 1: exactly what it sounds like. It's something that I was
34:50
Speaker 1: turned onto not very long ago. You have a nice
34:52
Speaker 1: refreshing beer while you're taking a hot shower. Um. Well,
34:56
Speaker 1: in Finland's they don't have shower bears. They have sauna sausages.
35:00
Speaker 1: True story, it's so true. So uh, it's a cultural
35:04
Speaker 1: institution people like. It's such a part of Finnish culture
35:08
Speaker 1: that once upon a time, Finnished mothers would give birth
35:11
Speaker 1: in the sauna. It was the cleanest space in the home.
35:14
Speaker 1: There are three point three million saunas for population of
35:18
Speaker 1: about five point five million people, meaning that almost every
35:22
Speaker 1: household has one. And like you said, no people also
35:27
Speaker 1: cook sausage in the saunas, has right, the traditional makara
35:33
Speaker 1: sausage they use, you know how the traditional wet sauna
35:38
Speaker 1: would be a pile of hot stones that you then
35:43
Speaker 1: you know, pour water over in the water quickly evaporates
35:47
Speaker 1: and creates the hot steam. Uh. So, one way of
35:49
Speaker 1: cooking the sausage is to actually literally lay it over
35:52
Speaker 1: the sauna stones, which are known as kaius is. I
35:55
Speaker 1: thinkna forgive me if I'm mispronouncing that. There are also
35:58
Speaker 1: little kind of little gadgets you can get. You can
36:01
Speaker 1: also wrap them in foil so they're not going directly
36:03
Speaker 1: on the presumably uh you know, body fluid covered stones
36:10
Speaker 1: not you know, just they're just like sweat, let's call it.
36:12
Speaker 1: There's gonna be some sweat on those stones, so you
36:14
Speaker 1: wrap it foil. But there are some other innovations that
36:17
Speaker 1: are may be a little more modern, right yeah, yeah,
36:19
Speaker 1: like a soap stone holder that is specifically designed to
36:25
Speaker 1: let you cook sausage inside your sauna. Also, I want
36:29
Speaker 1: to give our pal Gay Bluzier at Arbitrary Ridiculous History
36:34
Speaker 1: Award for finding finding this article called the five most
36:39
Speaker 1: popular Finnish Sausages. This is the kind of stuff that
36:42
Speaker 1: I lose time reading late at night. But if you
36:45
Speaker 1: scroll down, um, you'll see that musta makara is the
36:51
Speaker 1: not only the most popular of the Finnish sausages, but
36:55
Speaker 1: it's also you guys know, I'm an adventurous eater. I
36:59
Speaker 1: try it, but it doesn't look super great. It is
37:03
Speaker 1: a blood sausage, so you're the sauna. Yeah yeah, you're
37:09
Speaker 1: eating your pigs blood, pork meat, and fat along with
37:12
Speaker 1: crushed dry um. It looks a little bit like poop. Uh,
37:19
Speaker 1: just a bit, but you know, no knocking it. Maybe
37:22
Speaker 1: it tastes amazing. I'm just saying it might not be
37:25
Speaker 1: for everyone. You know, It's funny. It actually does seem
37:28
Speaker 1: as though makara is specifically a type of sausage. It's
37:32
Speaker 1: meant to be consumed in the sauna. Yeah. Yeah, you
37:36
Speaker 1: can eat it outside of outside of the sauna. You
37:38
Speaker 1: certainly can't, but it does seem to be a bit
37:40
Speaker 1: of a flex um. You gotta have your sausage when
37:44
Speaker 1: you're in your sauna. Sausage, guys, I love a sausage.
37:49
Speaker 1: Sausage yeah, like you know, just like cheap a sausage
37:51
Speaker 1: you are now, but like you had like real sausage.
37:53
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's like the best two. I was just
37:55
Speaker 1: in Paris briefly, um, and I had this local sausage
37:59
Speaker 1: over out of like creamy mashed potatoes with gravy, and
38:02
Speaker 1: it was the best sauce I've ever had in my life.
38:03
Speaker 1: It was just like, you know, something about the level
38:06
Speaker 1: of like fennel and like the spices and things. It
38:08
Speaker 1: was just like freaking awesome. So yeah, it all depends.
38:12
Speaker 1: French cuisine tends to use fresh ingredients too, so I
38:15
Speaker 1: think that makes a huge difference. That's what I noticed, um,
38:18
Speaker 1: last time I was in Paris. But yeah, maybe sausage
38:21
Speaker 1: in a gravy. I'm down with that. Biscuits and gravy,
38:23
Speaker 1: you know. And then, if you'll recall the episode you
38:28
Speaker 1: and I were on of Richard Blaze's Food Court. I
38:32
Speaker 1: argued for sausage, you argued for bacon. If I'm not mistaken,
38:36
Speaker 1: I arranged Supreme in that judgment is a kangaroo court
38:39
Speaker 1: and do not respect this jurisdiction. Um, I guess like
38:43
Speaker 1: to do the court right here because I'm on old
38:45
Speaker 1: side right now. My argument was the sausage is more versatile,
38:49
Speaker 1: and I think that was mainly what what you guys are,
38:54
Speaker 1: the Soviets and I and the Fins in this situation.
38:56
Speaker 1: So watch out. Now we're gonna, we're gon We're gonna,
38:59
Speaker 1: we're gonna in it diplomatically and peacefully. Budget right, we
39:04
Speaker 1: won't we won't uh stab each other just yet. Uh.
39:08
Speaker 1: And there's more than enough sausage and bacon to go around,
39:11
Speaker 1: but Richard Blaze's show Food Court is a tremendous amount
39:15
Speaker 1: of funds, so give it a listen if you get
39:17
Speaker 1: a chance. He's a super nice, brilliant and objectively funny dude.
39:22
Speaker 1: Is He's just a joy to hang out with. In
39:25
Speaker 1: the meantime, I think we're going to haul it a day.
39:29
Speaker 1: We've done. Am I a bad person for admitting that
39:33
Speaker 1: this conversation has made me hungry? You guys again, I
39:37
Speaker 1: peep by on the curtain. I have not had time
39:39
Speaker 1: to go consume my leftover Chinese food yet, so that
39:42
Speaker 1: is happening immediately. No, I mean the bloodshed part maybe
39:45
Speaker 1: a little bit, but uh, the sausage, I mean we
39:48
Speaker 1: ended done the sausage. The sausage, yes, and uh and
39:52
Speaker 1: we hope you enjoyed this episode, folks. Thanks as always
39:56
Speaker 1: to our one and only super producer, Mr Max Maximili Williams.
40:00
Speaker 1: Thanks of course to Alex Williams who composed our track,
40:04
Speaker 1: and uh, thanks to our number one sausage Jonathan Strickland
40:08
Speaker 1: A k this quister. We could do better than number
40:10
Speaker 1: one Sausage? What should we do? I guess I'll see
40:14
Speaker 1: you next time, Folks, for more podcasts for my heart Radio,
40:24
Speaker 1: visit the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
40:27
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.