Latest / ok storytime / My girlfriend's work trips became suspicious... so I finally demanded the truth! -r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP3118

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My girlfriend's work trips became suspicious... so I finally demanded the truth! -r/relationship_advice | Reddit Stories | EP3118 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Carly, your favorite OK Storytime host, and
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: we've got some great stories coming up.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: the sponsors that keep the show alive. My girlfriend's work
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: trips became suspicious, so I finally demanded the truth.
• 0:17
  Speaker 4: What are you doing on those vacations?
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: My, 30 male, girlfriend, 30 female, has shown some odd
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: behaviors with recent work travels. So she has had a
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: decent amount of work travel over the last two months
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: or so. Some trips have been overnight, some have been
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: two days, and some have been like four to five.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: We've been together for four years and have lived together
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: for two. She has had work travel before, but this
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: has been a more active stretch than usual, which is
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: totally fine. I've been glad she's thriving in her role
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: and getting to network more. The first thing that caught
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: my attention... was when she was packing for an earlier
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: trip in the stretch, and she was trying on different
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: outfits while packing, and she wasn't.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Wearing any clothes.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: I saw that she had shaved herself completely. Really, that
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: is a telltale sign, I would say. I would say
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: there's a really short list of a reason why someone
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: does that.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: You have crabs, or you're going to get some.
• 1:21
  Speaker 5: Or she just likes a different, she wants to try
• 1:24
  Speaker 5: out a different look.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 1:25
  Speaker 5: She says, bush no more.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: She usually has a trimmed look and is always well-groomed,
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: but almost never shaved bare. And I didn't want to
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: be accusatory or anything, so I didn't say anything. It's
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: not like she was hiding it from me. She was
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: unclothed right in front of me. And by the way,
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: this comes from Throwaway Towers Silver. If you want to
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: story time subreddit.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 1:45
  Speaker 5: And I'm Savannah.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: And we're going to read this story and say things
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: that might not be right, but they might be. Who knows?
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Can't be right about everything. But let us know what
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: you think down in the comments.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: And Opie says, The next thing that caught my attention
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: was that she would change her travel plans pretty last
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: minute to go earlier than originally planned. So, for example,
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: she was scheduled to fly out Sunday night for meetings
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: starting early Monday, but then she decided she's going to
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: fly out Saturday afternoon instead, just so I'm there and
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: not dealing with travel issues or delays.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Again, I was kind of like, really?
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: You want to be stuck in a random city in
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: a random hotel longer than you need to be? But okay, yeah,
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: it makes sense to not risk anything with travel. So again,
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: I largely left alone. I love being in a hotel
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: room alone.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Is anyone else? Am I just an only child and
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: that's why I like that?
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: No, I love an empty hotel room.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: It's really fun.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: You can spread out and watch whatever you want and
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: do whatever you want.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Scan the room for cameras.
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: I don't do that. should start.
• 2:52
  Speaker 6: She just left for another trip and will be gone
• 2:55
  Speaker 6: all week.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: She was originally scheduled to leave Monday morning but decided
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: to fly out Saturday morning instead because she said she's never.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Been there before and I want some time to explore
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: the city.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I don't want to divulge locations but it's not that
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: great of a city to want to fly in early
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: and explore for a day and a half.
• 3:11
  Speaker 6: Or two days before work starts. Are you sure about that?
• 3:15
  Speaker 6: Everything you've described sounds very normal so far, not gonna lie.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this seems all.
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: I.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Don't think it is coincidental.
• 3:24
  Speaker 5: It's just like, no, I just wanna go early. I
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: don't know.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: She's like, yeah.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: She's like, if I'm gonna travel, I might as well
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: travel and do more than just work.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I would do the same thing. I'd
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: be like, if I'm going to a different area, I
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: don't wanna do just work. I'm gonna go have a
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: date of myself or something.
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: And yeah, so far, your only real piece of, your
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: silver bullet here is.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: You got rid of your bush! She's squeaky clean. You're
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: George W. Bushless.
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: She did.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Again, I noticed she had fully shaved her no-no square again.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: And this time I asked, hey, I noticed on some
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: of your trips you've been shaving the bush beforehand. I
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: don't mean to sound accusatory, but any reason why? And
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: she didn't get overly defensive but told me it makes
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: me feel more confident in myself heading into meetings and
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: it's just easier with travel.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, now I'm suspicious. That's insane.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: You just said that it makes you feel more confident
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: in your work meetings?
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: You short-circuited there for a second.
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: And also it makes it easier to travel? What does
• 4:31
  Speaker 5: that mean?
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: What does that mean?
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: When it doesn't like.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: What happens when you have a bush and trough? What
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: does that mean?
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: If anything, I'd feel more confident if I had the entire,
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: you know, Amazon jungle down there.
• 4:43
  Speaker 6: I'd be like, I'm in a primal alpha state.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I am protected. Nothing's getting through. That made no sense.
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: Now it's just naked and exposed.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Now I feel weird. How are you doing these meetings? Yeah.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: You're doing these meetings with no pants? Makes me feel
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: more confident in my meetings. Okay. Okay.
• 5:03
  Speaker 6: I get that thinking, says OP, which is, again, insane.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: But why would she not do that more regularly.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: Then if that's the type of impact it has on her?
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: The final item is last night she texted me some
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: risque pictures from the hotel bathroom after she showered.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Sweet. I saved the photos to enjoy later and put
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: them in my hidden folder.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: I went to look at them later and saw the
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: timestamp on them was almost two months ago. Meaning she
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: took these photos at a different hotel and never shared
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: them with me until now. I get that people will
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: take photos like this at different times when they think
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: they look best and feel good. But if she felt
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: good enough to take them at that time, then why
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: am I not seeing.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Them until now?
• 5:48
  Speaker 5: That's suspicious to me.
• 5:50
  Speaker 6: Buddy, honestly, her.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: Ship was sunk as soon as she said, it makes
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: me more confident in business.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. That was a full blown like, oh,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: my God, he's on to me. What do I say?
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: It made me feel more confident I could speak my
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: mind with nothing down there to get in my way.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: Also, traveling is easier?
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: That's a crazy take.
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: Traveling's easier without a bush.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: What are they doing to you? It gets in the way.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: What airline are you flying on?
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: I know that's a lot, and it's entirely possible I'm
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: being paranoid and overanalyzing things. If you think that's the case...
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: Then tell me. If not, tell me that as well.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: What do you all think? There is an update. Yeah,
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: I think there's clearly something going on.
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah, she's definitely seeing someone on the side.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't know if she's... It's possible. It's also
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: possible that she just wants to experience the places she
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: travels more. Is she going to the exact same city
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: every time? Like, I assume she's going to different places.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: Because if she's going to different places, she's either just
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: cheating on you with a bunch of strangers, which seems
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: a little insane. Or, you know, there's some other reason
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: that she's doing this that she doesn't want to say.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: It's with their coworkers, obviously. Oh, I didn't even think
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: about that.
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you said strangers. I was like, no, everywhere she goes,
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: she's probably traveling with the same team.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: With a co-worker.
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: Yes, it is definitely a co-worker.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: That's what's going on here.
• 7:29
  Speaker 6: That's entirely possible. Yeah, well, with that said, it might.
• 7:36
  Speaker 5: Be a little too late.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: She's done.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Well, here's an update.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: Based on all the comments, I decided I was going
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: to be pretty blunt with her when she returned and
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: demand some answers. She returned from her trip on Friday morning.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: We were supposed to go to a friend's vacation home
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: for the holiday weekend, so I wanted answers before doing that.
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Or it was just going to eat at me all weekend.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: When she got home, after about 10 minutes... I said
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: we needed to sit down and have an honest and
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: real conversation, and I expressed all of my doubts and
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: concerns and the red flags in her actions of late
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: and basically said that I deserve the truth and honesty.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: She pretty much caved immediately.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: She started crying and finally gathered herself enough to admit
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: that she's been sleeping with her manager on trips.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: Knew it! Yeah, so obvious. I don't know how I
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: didn't think about it. You know why, actually?
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: It's because when my dad traveled for business, he just
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: traveled alone. My dad traveled a lot for business when
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: I was a kid, but he was just traveling.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: Or so you think. I mean, right?
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we actually always had a joke that he had
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: a secret family, which he doesn't, which he does not.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: No, he was a salesman. He worked on a one-man team.
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: He was selling something, all right.
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: My dad was selling shipping containers full of computers to people.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: What's on those computers?
• 8:59
  Speaker 5: Nothing.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: They're brand new. What's on those pictures? Camgirls. What's on
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: those computers? Pictures of OP's wife's bush.
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: No, she doesn't have a bush anymore.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Right, it's after it was shaved off.
• 9:12
  Speaker 5: This was pre-bush.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: It's just a bush on the floor. That's what it is,
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: a bush on the floor.
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: It's just the hair.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: It's just the hair.
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: Someone get a haircut?
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they did. Yeah, someone got the George Bush. George
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: no bush.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: OP continues, obviously I am extremely gutted, a mess, confused, lost, blah, blah, blah.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: All the other adjectives and words you can think of.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry your wife is so clearly cheating on you.
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: That was a new one. George without Bush. The next
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: one after that is George witnessing Bush. And the one
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: before that is George witch hazel Bush.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Witch hazel? Okay. All right, here we go. I ended
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: things immediately. Nice.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: She tried to change my mind with any and every tactic,
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: which was not going to work.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I blocked her number. and on social media.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Her friends and sister have tried reaching out to me
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: and I told them the true situation. Her friends backed
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: off pretty quickly and her sister basically tried to gaslight
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: me somehow, which was pretty infuriating. But I'll admit I've
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: been able to laugh about that part now. I packed
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: stuff to go and stay at my friend's place and
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: have plans to move my stuff out of our apartment
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: on Tuesday of this upcoming week. I appreciate everyone's blunt
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: assessment and comments. It wasn't what I wanted to hear,
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: but obviously needed to hear them.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Time to try and move on. And that is the
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: end of that story.
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: Dang. Sorry, brother. That sucks.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but you got the right perspective right away, which
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: is like, well, that sucks.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Moving on. Not giving you the time of day. It's over.
• 10:45
  Speaker 6: Hey, don't care if your sister tried to gaslight me.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: That's funny.
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, truthfully, you are dealing with it in the right
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: and correct way of not looking back and just being like, yep,
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: that didn't work out.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Moving on.
• 10:58
  Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 11:01
  Speaker 6: the next one.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend's friend paid him to cheat on me and
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: he did it.
• 11:06
  Speaker 5: Dude, how much money?
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: So me, 25 female, and my boyfriend, 26 male, have
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: been together for about four years. We had our ups
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: and downs, but overall, we've had a really solid relationship.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: We live together and have been struggling financially a lot recently,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: mostly due to college debt. My boyfriend also can't work
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: more than three hours per day because of several mental disorders.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: Our parents on both sides are not really in the picture. Well,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: a few nights ago, my boyfriend went out without me,
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: which is usually fine with me. According to him, he
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: told his friends he wouldn't drink much because... He needed
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: to save up. His friends were already really wasted. I
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: told him how he's becoming so bland and annoying recently.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: He couldn't have any fun anymore. And one of them
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: said he would give him 250 bucks if he cheated
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: on me. This friend has never really liked me and
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: has often made weird comments like how my boyfriend could
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: have done way better or how boring I made him.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I know he cheated on his ex-girlfriend several times.
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: Hate that.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Mystic Reverend. And if
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: you miss me on stories, you know where to go.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: I'm Riley.
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: I'm Sophia.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: And Sophia and I are going to read this goofily.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: If you have a number of how much money you
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: cheat on your partner with, please let us know down below.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: As Opie says, well, long story short, he did it.
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: That's just like, oh my God.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: That's crazy.
• 12:33
  Speaker 5: I really would. I don't think I have a number
• 12:36
  Speaker 5: that would be reasonable for me, but I know that
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: $ 250 is not that.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: My boyfriend made out with a random girl at the
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: bar and went home with her.
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: He didn't have to do that. He didn't have to
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: do that.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: He went too far. He was like, do I get
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: more money? And they're like, no. It was $ 2.
• 12:55
  Speaker 5: 50 for kissing another girl.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Ah, I guess I gotta go home with her now.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Oh man, gotta go all the way. The worst part
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: is he didn't even tell me. I found out two
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: days after through a hey girly text from the girl
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: he cheated with. I immediately confronted him, and he owned
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: up to everything. He cried, said he was sorry, and
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: that he just did it for the money. He wanted
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: us not to be as stressed about money.
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: He's an idiot if he thinks that $ 250 was worth that.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Well, he did buy groceries for us with it.
• 13:29
  Speaker 5: That's crazy. That's crazy. I would be like, wow, you're stupid.
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: You thought that me not being stressed for maybe two
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: weeks was worth our relationship ending?
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: You think a week worth of groceries would be okay? Yeah.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: I have been avoiding him as much as possible since then.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: He has been trying his hardest to make it up.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I feel extremely betrayed,
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: but I believe that he really did it for the money.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: How can I move on from this situation? Break up immediately.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: So right now she's in this position. I can still
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: salvage it. What can I do here to make everything okay?
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: I genuinely have no advice to give you on that.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Cause I'm also assuming you live together. Yeah. You're the breadwinner. Yeah.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: And he's really relying on you.
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: He's a mooch. And now he's smooching.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: If I needed the money that bad, I would probably
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: sneak away, call my girlfriend and be like, Hey, this is. Yeah.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
• 14:26
  Speaker 5: Like, why didn't he do?
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 14:28
  Speaker 5: I don't even know why he considered it. I'm actually a.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Horrible thing to do, but you could have gone about
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: it a lot better if you were going to do it. Yeah.
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: This is just, I, as the girlfriend would be both,
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: you know, horrified that he cheated on me, but also
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: like embarrassed at, you know, how stupid he was about this.
• 14:51
  Speaker 5: And the fact that I was worth 200, our relationship was,
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: our relationship was worth $ 250. That's it.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Update. So first of all, I want to thank everyone
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: for being so honest with me. I really needed that.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Sorry for not answering many questions. I've kind of been
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: going through it for the last few days. So the
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: most asked question answered here Yes, he is in therapy
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: and was diagnosed with borderline and depression, among other things.
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: Which does give a little insight to why he may
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: have done this.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: He is really mentally unstable and one of his many
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: doctors advised him not to work more than 20 hours
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: a week because he often gets panic attacks after too
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: much continuous stress. The girl he cheated with reached out
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: to me on Instagram after finding out about me Through
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: a friend I used to go to school with. Dang.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: He bought groceries from the money and gave the rest
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: to me. He told me he did use protection. So
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: he didn't do it.
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so it doesn't count.
• 15:56
  Speaker 6: It's all good.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: I got tested. He told me he would cut off
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: his friends, which I thought he already had after a
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: previous incident. And he did everything he could to get
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: me back in the last few days. Now, on to
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: the actual update. I left him three days ago. Good
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: on ya.
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: Good on ya.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: That's what we like to hear.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: There's so many things wrong with this. So many. I mean, wow.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you cleared your head up there.
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: I hope this guy gets more help, because he needs it.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: He really does.
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: And now he doesn't even have, like, because it seems
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: like OP was, as you said, you know, breadwinner, potentially.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:39
  Speaker 5: Now he doesn't have that.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: He doesn't.
• 16:41
  Speaker 7: Gone.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Poof. I am staying with one of my closest friends,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: who is an absolute angel right now. It was genuinely
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: one of the hardest things I've ever done. I literally
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: went insane living with him. He wanted to talk to
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: me and make up 24-7, but I couldn't see his
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: face anymore. I moved everything out as fast as I
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: could and blocked him. I'm trying to find a therapist
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: and a new place to live soon. Thanks again, everyone.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: I really didn't think everyone would tell me to leave him.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: To be honest, I probably would have stayed with him
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: if I didn't have your advice. I feel really stupid
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: for even considering it now. And yes, I know it
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: sounds fake. Can't blame you for thinking this. Let me
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: know if I'm missing anything. Nah, it would have manipulated
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: you to stay with him if you didn't reach out
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: to Reddit. Because you can't reach out to a friend
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: about this stuff because it's embarrassing.
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like my boyfriend cheated on me for $ 250.
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: I don't want to tell anyone that.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: I don't want to tell anyone that.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: $ 2, 000.
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: No, that's so little.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: $ 25, 000.
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: See, now $ 25, 000, I'm like still breaking up with him,
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: but at least I'm like, okay, I'm worth a little
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: bit of money.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: $ 250, 000. Okay, I'm like, we're talking, we're going to therapy.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: $ 2. 5 million.
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: $ 2.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: 5 million.
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: No, I'm kidding. $ 25 million. Oh, my God. At that point,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you about to do to me?
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah, what happened?
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: What are you planning for?
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: Is this a film production? What's happening here? Golly. What's
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: your number? Let us know down below.
• 18:15
  Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 18:18
  Speaker 6: the next one.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: My partner wanted to see a former lover alone, and
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: I couldn't shake my discomfort.
• 18:25
  Speaker 7: I'm shaking in discomfort right now.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: My monogamous partner, Calvin, and I are in our early
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: 40s and have been together for three-plus years. I was
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: in a previous relationship for around 15 years, whereas Calvin
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: has been single for many years with lots of short-term
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: relationships in that time frame. Many of his friends are
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: people that he has previously had spicy sleep with. Uh-oh.
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: Maybe that's why he's had a lot of short-term relationships.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: I get it. I mean, I'm co-hosting with someone I've
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: had spicy sleep with. Don't you remember September 21st?
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: I do not remember the night of September 21st.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I thought he would. Calvin is traveling alone to his
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: home state in a few days and is making plans
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: to catch up with his old friends there. Kate is
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: one of the people my partner is planning to meet with.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: It's someone he used to have spicy sleep with. Kate
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: is a spicy sleep worker and has previously contacted Calvin
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: to share her details about her spicy sleep work with him. Hey,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: here's your invoice for all the things we did in
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Atomizer List.
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: It goes in context and bullet points.
• 19:36
  Speaker 7: I hope you like it. It's organized and filed top
• 19:40
  Speaker 7: to bottom, finish to finish.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, God. In my previous relationship history, spending time and
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: sharing spicy sleep related details with ex-lovers has been a
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: hard boundary for me. So, my partner's intention to meet
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: with her felt especially uncomfortable.
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: I don't know, man.
• 20:00
  Speaker 7: I mean, coming into this relationship, when you drop that
• 20:05
  Speaker 7: truth bomb on me of... Yeah, I only have short-term
• 20:08
  Speaker 7: relationships on my entire life, and a lot of my
• 20:11
  Speaker 7: friends I've slept with, and I still hang out with them.
• 20:16
  Speaker 7: They're my friends first. And you can sleep with your friends,
• 20:19
  Speaker 7: but that comes with a lot of.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: If you have a pillow in between you, it's okay.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, no, this is interesting territory, Opie. To me,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: it feels like my partner is playing with fire, and
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: all sorts of alarms are going off inside of my body.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Hope you're listening to them. By the way, this comes
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: from Deleted. That's not a good sign. And if you
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: want to send me your own stories, go to the
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: r slash OK Storytime subreddit. I'm Riley.
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: I'm Keon.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: And we're going to read this goofily. If you have
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: anything you'd like to add, please add it down below.
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: I don't know, OP. Your partner is playing with magma.
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: What would you say?
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: I agree.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: It makes me question Calvin's intentions, like a deliberate choice
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: to see if Kate would be still willing to sleep
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: with him. Like my partner needs to walk a razor
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: edge to obtain validation other than spicy people still want him.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Calvin has a right to have friends, including friends of
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: people of the opposite sex. So why does it feel
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: like crossing a boundary if he spent times alone with
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: a former friends with benefits?
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: Because there's a history there.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: What if I did the same? What if I went
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: out with people I used to sleep with who I
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: am still tangibly connected to and friendly with. How would
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: that impact our relationship? Does my partner even consider things
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: like this? Of course, I will be talking to Calvin
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: about my discomfort, yet it would be helpful to have
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: some perspective before doing so. I need help untangling what
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: is my insecurity and what is actual disrespect. Am I wrong?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: We have an edit. remove some unkind, unnecessary shaming of
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Kate that I initially included to justify why I felt
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: particularly threatened by my partner being alone with her. Which
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: makes sense if you're having worries about someone that had
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: spicy sleep with your partner and also works in that field.
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: And brings up details about it.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the same as if your partner is sober
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: for two years and now they're hanging out with their
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: bartender friend at a bar.
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: Who likes to peer pressure people to drink.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, or just likes to drink. Yeah, exactly. Someone he
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: used to drink with. Same emotions there. Ooh, this one's layered.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: This one's a thick onion.
• 22:36
  Speaker 7: It's a nice little onion, a nice little cake, a
• 22:38
  Speaker 7: nice little lasagna, whatever you think as layers.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: Dumplings. Dumpling lasagna.
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: I don't think dumplings have layers, but you know what?
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: You can make a dumpling layered lasagna.
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: That sounds yummy, actually.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: It looks pretty good. I've seen it on Instagram.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: But you know what doesn't sound yummy? this relationship, Riley.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Sounds like a conversation needs to be happened.
• 22:56
  Speaker 7: I feel like you guys, yes, truthfully, but I feel
• 23:00
  Speaker 7: like Calvin, who has been doing this pretty much all
• 23:03
  Speaker 7: his life, this is what he does. This is how
• 23:05
  Speaker 7: he interacts with his friends, and he has this openness
• 23:08
  Speaker 7: with them, and that's okay. I think O.P., And their
• 23:13
  Speaker 7: relationship with, you know, past lovers and being spicy and
• 23:16
  Speaker 7: having all those, you know, spicy sleep is very different
• 23:20
  Speaker 7: on the way Calvin views it and how he handles it.
• 23:23
  Speaker 7: I don't think this relationship is going to work out
• 23:25
  Speaker 7: because you guys have.
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: Two very different ideas.
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: No.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's wrong.
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: I'm not saying it's wrong.
• 23:31
  Speaker 7: You have two different ideas about how spicy sleep works
• 23:35
  Speaker 7: with people and how you interact with people.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: No, just get over your insecurities and let him do
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: whatever he wants. He's a man. Trust him. Or don't
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: do that. Is what some people would say. Not me. I, personally,
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I'm cutting off, I have friends that I've had spicy
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: related encounters with that I can still be friends with,
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: but I don't since I'm in a relationship with my
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: girlfriend because I do not feel like it's respectful towards her.
• 23:59
  Speaker 7: Yeah, but I feel like, again, just depending on, it's
• 24:03
  Speaker 7: such a case-by-case thing where like, yeah, that happened 10
• 24:08
  Speaker 7: years ago.
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: We are just friends now. To some people, that could
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: be bothering them. To some people, that's totally fine. It
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: just is a case-by-case scenario.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: So, Edit, thank you all for sharing your perspectives and
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: holding a mirror up to various things I needed to
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: reflect more deeply on before approaching my partner. This comment
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: from WinterAd8000 resonates with me where I am showing up
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: or where I'm not and where I have to do
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: work on. Edit 3, we talked. My partner's reaction to
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: my insecurity was not compassionate. My delivery wasn't graceful either,
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: so I understand his defensiveness. I feel like we should
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: have flipped those sentences. Because it's like, oh, he should
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: have been compassionate, but I was like, oh, you might.
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: Have yelled at him. But I didn't do this gracefully, yeah.
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: He got very upset, but I also delivered it really badly.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: I'm currently trying to hold the tension between multiple truths
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: and see where this all goes. I have few former
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: spicy-related partners who I've remained in some sort of contact with.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: My partner has many. This doesn't need to be a
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: value judgment and instead can help ground context for why
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: we're experiencing this in our relationship. I experience discomfort when
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: my partner spends time alone with people he's previously slept with.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: My partner does not. My discomfort doesn't make him wrong
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: or me right. My partner is unwilling to agree to
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: stop spending time alone with people he has previously slept with.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I feel simultaneously hurt that he won't consider how uncomfortable
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: this makes me feel and also grateful he isn't willing
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: to placate my insecurities around his. I cannot force my
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: partner to behave in a certain way to help me
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: feel more secure. It's my confidence that attracts him and
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: my insecurity that pushes him away. I understand why he
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: is unwilling to stop spending time with people he's previously
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: slept with, and also feel sad that he cannot hold
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: any space for my insecurity around it. He was unwilling
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: to discuss what might help me feel better, and instead,
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: he would not allow my insecurity to become his problem.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, this feels like a lot of therapy talk.
• 26:24
  Speaker 7: Yeah, but I feel like, I think we're getting really
• 26:29
  Speaker 7: into the nitty gritty here. OP, I feel like you're
• 26:32
  Speaker 7: never going to be comfortable with it, and he's just
• 26:34
  Speaker 7: very comfortable with it.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I'll finish this. Well, uphill battle. Let me get to that.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Both of us have the right to friends of all genders. Thus,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I can consider moving my own personal boundary and allow
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: people back into my life with whom I've shared more
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: than just spicy sleep. In terms of what my partner
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: can do, we are still working through that. My hope
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: is that he can meet My insecurities with more compassion.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Our discussion around all of this did not feel good.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I don't like the therapy talk here. It honestly feels
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: like an uphill battle.
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: Literally skating uphill.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: I was dating a girl and I was thinking about
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: us and a future. And there were things of both
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: of our past that I did not feel comfortable with.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: So I was like, I'm just going to have to
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: deal with this all the time. And I don't know
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: how to deal with it. So I'm not going to
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: look forward to it. So I'm not going to make
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: it happen. And she's with someone else, and she's great.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: She's actually a really good friend of mine. I have
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: had spicy encounters with her, so I can't be her
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: friend anymore. But she's a great person.
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: I think you could be friends with people you've had
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: spicy encounters with.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I don't feel like it would be respectful towards my girlfriend, though.
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: It just depends. Again, it's a case-by-case of like, yeah, that's.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: My friend and I only talk to each other when
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: we're both single.
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: I don't like that. You could be chill with your friends.
• 27:58
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: Again, that's my opinion. It's very different to your opinion.
• 28:02
  Speaker 7: I like we're debating right now or, you know, but
• 28:07
  Speaker 7: with this relationship for OP, I don't think her insecurities
• 28:11
  Speaker 7: are going to be because this is just one friend.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: There's many.
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: There's many friends.
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: Again.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: He's Barney.
• 28:17
  Speaker 7: He is Barney. A lot of his friends he has
• 28:20
  Speaker 7: slept with. So when it happens past this friend, you go, oh, no,
• 28:24
  Speaker 7: now I need to work against another friend, another uphill.
• 28:27
  Speaker 7: It's just, you know what this feels like?
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: A mountain. It's not a hill.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: It's starting to feel like a mountain.
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: You're hiking. You're hiking. You're like, oh, I passed that
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: one hill. There's another.
• 28:36
  Speaker 7: We have like 30 more floors.
• 28:39
  Speaker 6: Oh, no.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: You went from mountains to floors.
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: You know what I meant. Not really.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: What do you call going on one mountain, like a
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: mountain range, just like the mountain range keeps getting higher?
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I can't think of it right now.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: To get from one mountaintop to another, you have to
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: go through a valley. Update! Calvin is home from his trip,
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: visiting his parents in his home state. Prior to his leaving,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: we had a deeply realigning conversation after a failed attempt.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: I knew to expect him to spend time with Kate
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: while he was traveling. I guess now this is where
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: the real work begins. One evening during his trip, we
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: were speaking on the phone and he told me he
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: was on his way to a brewery and we said
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: goodnight as he was arriving. Late that same night, I
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: was alerted to an iMessage notification on his iPad from
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: his father at 2.30 in the morning asking if he
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: would be coming home that night. I couldn't fall back
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: to sleep after seeing that. When we spoke on the
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: phone the next day, he lied to me about seeing Kate. First,
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: he didn't tell me he met up with her at all.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: He said he went home after the brewery. I asked him,
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: why lie? That I know he didn't go straight home.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: Then he told me he went to see Kate's family
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: for a pretzel.
• 29:55
  Speaker 7: Oh, that's what we're calling it? No, you were performing
• 29:58
  Speaker 7: to look like a pretzel with Kate.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: And he went home straight after. I said, I also
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: know that isn't true. I asked him what time his
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: father would tell me he got home if I were
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: to ask him. I tried to keep breathing to remain
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: calm throughout our entire call. Then he told me he
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: did not go to Kate's house for a while, and
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: he left abruptly after something she said to him. Though
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: he hadn't mentioned those plans to me when we spoke,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: he had been with Kate for many hours by his
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: time his father texted him. This included some hours spent
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: at her home after midnight. I asked him if there's
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: nothing wrong with either of us spending time alone, even
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: in private, even at their house, even late at night
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: with people we've previously slept with. Why lie?
• 30:45
  Speaker 7: He sits in a web of lies right now. He's
• 30:47
  Speaker 7: creating a concoction of just a huge web of lies.
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: He answered that he didn't want to upset me for
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: hanging out with her. causing an unnecessary fight.
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: Hey, guess what, buddy? Guess what you did? One, lied.
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: And now, I'm very upset. So, that didn't happen.
• 31:06
  Speaker 6: Look where we're at.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Surprise!
• 31:09
  Speaker 7: Shout out to the iPad. The iPad always just has it,
• 31:12
  Speaker 7: got your back.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: It's the Apple Cloud. They will always be transparent.
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: Always got your back.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: This tracks with my gut. Even the lack of safety
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: we created for hard conversations around insecurities. I asked him,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: if you know you're dancing outside of my comfort boundaries,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: why don't you care to try and establish more comfort
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: by communicating with me? He answered that his meeting with
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: her wasn't about me. It was for him. I bet
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: it was.
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I bet he enjoyed that one.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: Though the many hours of their conversation was about me,
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: namely about him in the context of our relationship. He
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: explained that he doesn't have anyone to talk to about
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: these things, about us. And that night, he was seeking
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: an answer he abruptly understood he already had. What was
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: his question? That's what I want to know. He still
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: has feelings for this woman.
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: What's your social security number?
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: What's the middle name of your mother?
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, what was your first pet's name?
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: He explained... that they talked for hours at her family's
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: restaurant until it closed. She then invited him to her
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: family home to continue talking for more hours. He said
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: Kate said something to him that caused him to leave
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: her house abruptly about how he needs to show up
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: for the people in his life. He shared he had
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: been holding an enormous amount of pain and resentment, perceiving
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: the amount of effort he has put into our relationship
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: as unwitnessed and undervalued. He also shared some shame about
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: how he has shown up during fights with me and
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: in his previous relationships. He said he's been holding a
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: fear that he already had gone too far during some
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: of our fights, dominating me in conversation and validating my
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: feelings and so on. All of this when addressed in
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: the absence of emotional safety in our relationship and shows
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: up in a series of choices around this entire event. Okay,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: so I'm just going to translate this right now. This
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: is going over my head. How do I simply put this?
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I do know, I do know.
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: Okay, you got this?
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: He didn't listen to you. That's simple as it can be.
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: And he's giving you a really.
• 33:35
  Speaker 7: Maybe he's telling the truth, but he's doing it in
• 33:37
  Speaker 7: such a BS way that... Oh, I didn't want to
• 33:41
  Speaker 7: tell you. I didn't want to hurt your feelings because
• 33:42
  Speaker 7: this is going to cause an unnecessary argument.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: This, like.
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: But I was doing it for you. I was doing
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: it for us.
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: So, Ree, I have this thing. I'll get back to it.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go in my little soapbox. I kind
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: of have this thing against therapy talk because I feel
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: like it's being weaponized in relationships. Therapy talk is brilliant
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: to really understand and reflect how you feel about an
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: event so you can look into yourself and have a
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: simpler and more peaceful life. Not to have a complex
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: thing around stuff. Because I think if you overthink things,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: it kind of pulls out and drags out the joy
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: in that. I like basketball because it's simple. I can
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: get complex into it. But I like it because of
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: how it is. I don't have to explain why Michael
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Jordan's shot is so good because of the angle of
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: his jump shot. I don't have to do that. I
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: just like it because he's a good player.
• 34:32
  Speaker 4: Very simple.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: It feels like in this relationship, she's breaking down every
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: single thing. I don't see love in this conversation. I
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: don't see love in this relationship.
• 34:42
  Speaker 7: Yeah, the fact that you have to really break it
• 34:43
  Speaker 7: down to like every nitty gritty piece of detail.
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: Is it very important to paint the picture? It's crazy.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: I told him that was his choice of approach to
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: make me feel further away from him. Made me fear
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: the worst. Had a counter between them and that I
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: needed to understand the full picture of so I can
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: make informed choices for myself. I asked questions from 360
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: different angles until it felt satisfied he was being thoroughly
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: honest with me.
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: That's crazy. What are you, a detective?
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Just breaking them down with a conversation. Girl, I think
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: you can, you were so into the nitty grittos that
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: if you take a step back, you'll actually see the
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: answer you're looking for.
• 35:26
  Speaker 4: Truthfully, yeah.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: He encouraged me to continue asking him questions until I
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: felt secured. saying he is committed to acknowledging my fears.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: He successfully reassured me that he has only romantically been
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: with me during our time together, and it reaffirmed that
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: monogamy is his preferred relationship container. What does that even mean? Like,
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: why are we, ugh! This is pissing me off! He
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: shared that going back to his hometown, seeing his parents,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: seeing old friends, and processing his current life with past
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: people made him understand that he already has everything he
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: wants now, and he needs to only take better care
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: of it. We discussed the immature ways we are testing
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: each other. We reflected on the tremendous hardships and enormous
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: growth we've had, both undergone in the relationship with one another,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: and agreed we both desire to continue growing in the
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: same direction. We both have family and relationship trauma that
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: absolutely repeats in our relationship now if we aren't diligent.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: We've also had the capacity to be diplomatically caring and
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: empathetic in conversations. We simply have to choose to do
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: the latter, despite the former programming. I, ugh, OP. What,
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: are you both doctors? Are you both professors? I feel
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: like I'm reading a college dissertation.
• 36:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like this is my thesis?
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Yes, a college thesis right now. About love.
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: Or like how relationships should work?
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: Yes. How to get through an uncomfortable conversation with your partner.
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah. The correct and precise way to manage and disregard
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: any insecurities.
• 37:13
  Speaker 7: It's like when you go to a restaurant and it's
• 37:16
  Speaker 7: like chicken nuggets and ketchup. You're like, I want chicken
• 37:19
  Speaker 7: nuggets and ketchup. And you're like, no, no, no. Yeah,
• 37:21
  Speaker 7: you're like the white meat of the cockle doodle do
• 37:24
  Speaker 7: with breading on it with tomato paste made from the
• 37:28
  Speaker 7: finest puree.
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: So chicken nuggets with ketchup. Okay. That's what it was.
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: That's what we're getting right now.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, they're putting cherries on his shake. We
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: resolved the points in about 90 minutes during the same
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: phone call that began with him lying. We resolved these points.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: Make it end. We were almost done. We're reading at
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: a 12th grade reading level for no reason.
• 37:53
  Speaker 7: Ugh.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: We remained committed to a calm, productive conversation. We never
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: yelled and we encourage each other to say and to
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: hear hard things. We have been comfortably close in communication
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: and physical touch since his return. So am I wrong
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: for not wanting my partner to go out with someone
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: he previously slept with, even if they are spending time
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: alone in our house in the middle of the night?
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: Even if she is a spicy worker? Even if he
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: has a history of cheating in his past relationships? Now
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: you say that!
• 38:26
  Speaker 7: Again, like I said, we're skating up, we're trying to
• 38:28
  Speaker 7: skate uphill. and the hill is just the start of
• 38:31
  Speaker 7: a huge mountain and then volcano.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: I think he did, and he's talking way out of it. Oh, yeah. Oh,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: my God.
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: You caught him lying to you three times in a row.
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: No, I am not wrong for my feelings. My comfort
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: boundaries make sense, and it makes sense that I would
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable in this unique situation. It's also true that
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: processing my uncomfortable feelings is my own responsibility's Not Calvin's.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: Calvin is not wrong for spending time with someone he's
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: previously slept with. Oh my gosh! Then why did you.
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: Oh, dude, Opie, you pissed me off.
• 39:07
  Speaker 7: Opie's like, let me ask this question on the internet,
• 39:09
  Speaker 7: but I'm also going to answer the question and be
• 39:11
  Speaker 7: righteous about it.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: I see the word... Twi-Con-Do you're doing right now? Yeah.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: You're doing it in a way so you can reassure
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: yourself that you're in a relationship that you enjoy, but
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: you've overthought it to a point that, like, you, you'll
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: just talk yourself into anything.
• 39:28
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:29
  Speaker 7: That's my, my same process is if Opie says it,
• 39:33
  Speaker 7: if Opie writes it down and like repeats it, it's like, yes. I'm,
• 39:38
  Speaker 7: this is affirmation. Like this is happening. My relationship with
• 39:41
  Speaker 7: Calvin is healthy. It is wrong for him to do this,
• 39:44
  Speaker 7: but it also validates my feelings.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: There were so many contradictory things in this story.
• 39:48
  Speaker 4: Exactly.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 39:50
  Speaker 7: I will, I won't speak on behalf of Calvin, but
• 39:52
  Speaker 7: I'm going to speak on behalf of Calvin because that's
• 39:54
  Speaker 7: wrong with him doing it.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 39:56
  Speaker 4: And I'm, I'm allowed to have my feelings. Yes.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: I understand everything you talked about, but it's so contradictory.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: He is allowed to have friends and to process his
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: life with friends. Even when I feel uncomfortable. So what
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: was all of that? If Angie is talking to her
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: ex and considering getting back with them and she wants
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: to have a conversation of what that would look like
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: with them, I would feel uncomfortable and I would ask
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: her not to do that.
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: But then she does it.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: We're done. We're done. That's what that would be.
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: You caught her lying to you about it.
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: This is what happened. He talked to his ex-girl, looked
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: at what a life with her would look like. maybe
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: did something, and then OP has convinced herself that she's
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: okay with it.
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: He went, oh my gosh, that's why I have such
• 40:37
  Speaker 4: short relationships.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: That's why OP's the greatest thing ever. This is also
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: true that he can remain friendships while demonstrating great respect
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: and care for a relationship. He can articulate where he
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: didn't take care in this situation and understands that I
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: cannot continue in a relationship where that level of disrespect
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: is permissible. We are both wrong in how we should
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: have been showing up or not in the area of
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: emotional safety in our relationship. We are both wrong for
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: disrespecting various areas of our relationship in the day-to-day, not
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: just this instance. We are both aware of the individual
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: trauma loops that we are projecting onto one another, and
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: we have both deepened our commitment to be careful and
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: diligent with each other and our relationship in to reground
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: each other when we lose our way. So, okay. You literally,
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: earlier in your first update, were like, he processed it
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: this way, he went about it this way, and that's
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: his responsibility, and I can have no judgment on it.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: And now you're putting a judgment on it? What is
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: even happening here?
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: It's very hypocritical speech here.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: It feels like a two-way wire.
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: Could you do me a favor?
• 41:49
  Speaker 5: What?
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: Could you go to the comments on that one?
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I don't want to.
• 41:52
  Speaker 7: I want to see at least the top comment. Because
• 41:54
  Speaker 7: all I'm getting from this... OP, this is just the
• 41:57
  Speaker 7: first time. In the first night. And this is how
• 42:01
  Speaker 7: you're going to act?
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: And he didn't really.
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: Maybe it's changed. Maybe.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: Just maybe.
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: I hope so.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's been blocked.
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: Gee, it's deleted.
• 42:13
  Speaker 7: Because I wonder why the company, you were reaching. You
• 42:16
  Speaker 7: were reaching and you're saying things for him to make
• 42:19
  Speaker 7: it seem like your relationship is good or it will
• 42:21
  Speaker 7: be good.
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: He lied to you.
• 42:24
  Speaker 7: And his lifestyle is going to be a lifestyle that
• 42:27
  Speaker 7: you are not going to appreciate and it's always going
• 42:29
  Speaker 7: to bother you.
• 42:30
  Speaker 4: And that's okay.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, everyone's saying red flags.
• 42:33
  Speaker 4: That doesn't mean, that.
• 42:35
  Speaker 7: Doesn't mean this relationship is going to work out.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my partner visiting a prostitute they used to sleep
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: with yeah this ain't cool this ain't cool in my
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: book yeah this would be a big no for me
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: you're not wrong for feeling upset about this at all
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: let me tell my old lady i'm going to hang
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: out with my ex hookup who is a sex worker
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: lol i'll be packing bags.
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: Who again has a history of cheating yeah and he's.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: Cheated before what truly worries me is the necessity of
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: your partner to be desired in order to fill themselves
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: adequate why are there people in this equation This is
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: not an isolated episode, and you'll have to deal with
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: this again. Absolutely, the need, obviously the need for validation
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: might go as far as we can all imagine. Do
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: you want this at all? And please, if you haven't already,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: get yourself tested. Oh God, not wrong. No, no, no, you're, you're, yeah.
• 43:26
  Speaker 7: This was the whole spiel for one, the one time
• 43:30
  Speaker 7: he went home to visit his family one night.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: This is a comment right here that I would love
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: to know. Ask your partner if they would like a
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: hall pass for this person. If they seem interested, you'll
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: have your answer. Yeah, that was so crazy. I hope
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: this love never finds me.
• 43:48
  Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 43:50
  Speaker 6: the next one.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's Carly, Keon's girlfriend, here.
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: We're going to get back to the stories, but here's
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: My boyfriend hid a huge inheritance from me while I
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: paid for everything.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: He wants your money.
• 44:05
  Speaker 7: My, 28 female, boyfriend's, 30 male, father tragically passed away
• 44:10
  Speaker 7: in January, leaving behind my boyfriend, his younger sister, and
• 44:14
  Speaker 7: younger brother. His parents were divorced.
• 44:17
  Speaker 4: Dang.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 44:19
  Speaker 4: That's how we're starting it? Okay.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: Very dark.
• 44:22
  Speaker 7: After the passing, things got really bad between my boyfriend
• 44:25
  Speaker 7: and his siblings and their dad's brother.
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: So his uncle.
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: Guess he was wealthy.
• 44:31
  Speaker 7: My boyfriend talked to me about all the problems. and
• 44:34
  Speaker 7: even got legal advice from my mom, who is a lawyer. Now,
• 44:38
  Speaker 7: my boyfriend and I have had issues surrounding money for
• 44:40
  Speaker 7: quite some time. Many times he has failed to pay rent,
• 44:44
  Speaker 7: and I have had to cover it for him. I
• 44:47
  Speaker 7: have also been the one who paid the security deposit
• 44:49
  Speaker 7: on all three rentals we have lived in, and paid
• 44:52
  Speaker 7: for all the furnishings, groceries, etc.
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: We split 50-50.
• 44:58
  Speaker 7: I had to buy his flight for him to go
• 45:00
  Speaker 7: home for his dad's funeral, and I've paid for similar
• 45:03
  Speaker 7: emergency expenses in the past?
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: He's just bad with his money. It's not, you didn't
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: say he didn't make enough money as you. He's just
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: bad with his money.
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: How much money are you making?
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: Enough to take care of him. Sounds like you can
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: live on your own.
• 45:14
  Speaker 7: I started feeling stressed out by bearing what I felt
• 45:16
  Speaker 7: to be an unbalanced part of our shared financial burden.
• 45:21
  Speaker 7: We worked the same kind of job. I just put
• 45:23
  Speaker 7: in more hours and saved more money as a result.
• 45:26
  Speaker 7: it doesn't seem right that I have the responsibility of
• 45:28
  Speaker 7: saving a safety net for myself and for him to
• 45:31
  Speaker 7: use whenever he doesn't plan ahead well enough. And by
• 45:34
  Speaker 7: the way, this comes from user SoPissed. And if you
• 45:39
  Speaker 7: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 45:40
  Speaker 7: slash OKStoryTime subreddit.
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: I'm Keon.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: I'm Riley.
• 45:43
  Speaker 7: And we're here to get good advice goofily. Riley and
• 45:45
  Speaker 7: I are just goofy guys.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: That's all we are.
• 45:47
  Speaker 7: And that's all we know. So that's what we're going
• 45:50
  Speaker 7: to do. Let us know what you do in the
• 45:51
  Speaker 7: comments down below, pretty please.
• 45:53
  Speaker 4: As OP says.
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: So.
• 45:55
  Speaker 7: I talked to him about it a few weeks ago
• 45:57
  Speaker 7: and told him that I won't be lending him any
• 45:59
  Speaker 7: more money because it's too stressful. And also that if
• 46:03
  Speaker 7: we are going to have a future, he needs to
• 46:05
  Speaker 7: start saving more.
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: Start being okay with your money, dude.
• 46:09
  Speaker 7: OP, I like how all these things you're like, huh,
• 46:13
  Speaker 7: what's going on? I paid for your flights. I paid
• 46:16
  Speaker 7: for everything. And anytime you pay for something, it's only 50-50.
• 46:20
  Speaker 7: When have you ever got me something or paid me
• 46:23
  Speaker 7: that money back?
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: What's the plan for that? I will say, Angie spotted
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: me for some plane tickets. I was in a weird
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: kind of thing, and I was like, can you spot
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: me some plane tickets? Paid her back. Yeah. Yeah. How
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: that works.
• 46:37
  Speaker 7: Unless if it's a gift, usually with couples, it should
• 46:41
  Speaker 7: go 50-50. Or like, hey, I'll get you back, or.
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: You get me the next one.
• 46:45
  Speaker 7: This is not good. He's financially mistreating you, Opie. Opie
• 46:51
  Speaker 7: continues saying, I want to save money for a house
• 46:53
  Speaker 7: or travel or retire, and I need a partner who
• 46:56
  Speaker 7: can keep up with the modest amount that I save
• 46:59
  Speaker 7: for a life together. He said he understood and would
• 47:03
  Speaker 7: work on saving more. His sister and mom are visiting
• 47:06
  Speaker 7: us from overseas. My boyfriend, his sister, and I went
• 47:09
  Speaker 7: clubbing last night, and we were all quite wasted. My
• 47:13
  Speaker 7: boyfriend asked me if it would be okay if his
• 47:15
  Speaker 7: 22-year-old little brother moves in with us while he gets
• 47:18
  Speaker 7: his life together. I said I would think about it.
• 47:22
  Speaker 7: While I'm asking questions about how his brother is living
• 47:24
  Speaker 7: without a job, my boyfriend admits that there was an inheritance.
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: From his father.
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: Please continue.
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: And it's a sizable one.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: What do you mean by that? Uh-huh.
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, keep going.
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: When?
• 47:36
  Speaker 7: Why did your brother only get that one? Or did
• 47:39
  Speaker 7: everyone get that split evenly?
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: How much are we talking here?
• 47:42
  Speaker 4: I ask him, like, how much?
• 47:45
  Speaker 7: He tells me $ 100, 000.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: People go into game shows for that amount of money.
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: And I go, show me the money.
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 47:55
  Speaker 7: So your brother, his brother got that.
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: He totally got more than I think he got more
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: since he got a lawyer involved. I think he got more.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: How much did he get?
• 48:03
  Speaker 7: Well, my jaw dropped at that. I asked my boyfriend
• 48:06
  Speaker 7: what his own share was. And he told me that
• 48:08
  Speaker 7: it was the same thing. And you go, where is
• 48:12
  Speaker 7: that money?
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: Why have I been paying for everything?
• 48:15
  Speaker 4: So you're gonna pay me back.
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: My first question is, have you spent any of that money?
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: Where is that money? And I'm only asking this because
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: we're living together. If we weren't living together, it would
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: be their thing.
• 48:26
  Speaker 4: And I've been paying for you.
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, since I'm the one taking care of you, where's
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: that money been?
• 48:31
  Speaker 4: Why did you not use that money to pay for
• 48:32
  Speaker 4: your flight back home?
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, shoot.
• 48:35
  Speaker 4: Or maybe it took some time. Maybe you didn't have
• 48:36
  Speaker 4: it yet.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: But if you did have that money, why didn't you
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: pay me back or at least have a conversation with me?
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: Or why didn't you bring it up? Oh, my gosh.
• 48:42
  Speaker 4: Why are you hiding this from me? Opie continues saying,
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: I was floored.
• 48:48
  Speaker 7: We've always struggled to get by, and I have been
• 48:51
  Speaker 7: very worried about our future finances. In none of our
• 48:54
  Speaker 7: previous conversations did he mention that he received this game-changingly
• 48:58
  Speaker 7: huge amount of money. Like Riley said, this is game
• 49:01
  Speaker 7: show money, if not more. I don't know how long
• 49:06
  Speaker 7: he's known, or if he was even planning to tell me.
• 49:09
  Speaker 7: He might have just done it because he was wasted.
• 49:13
  Speaker 7: I was absolutely furious. I told him that we can't
• 49:17
  Speaker 7: have a future if he hides things like that from me.
• 49:20
  Speaker 7: and that I feel used for providing for him so
• 49:22
  Speaker 7: many times and being totally transparent about my money while
• 49:25
  Speaker 7: he sat.
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: On this huge secret. Being wasted and pissed, I told him.
• 49:31
  Speaker 7: We are through and that he will have to find
• 49:34
  Speaker 7: another place to live. He told me I should move
• 49:37
  Speaker 7: out since I'm the one with the problem.
• 49:39
  Speaker 4: Oh, really?
• 49:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, interesting. Hmm. Funny you say that.
• 49:44
  Speaker 7: Oh, I think he was just being defensive and knows
• 49:46
  Speaker 7: that because I hold 80% of the deposit. I had
• 49:49
  Speaker 7: to ask him to contribute his 20% and I own
• 49:53
  Speaker 7: all the furnishings.
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: If one of us keeps the place, it will be me. Yep.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: Yep. You definitely own that place. Dogs pee for their
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: territory and humans buy furniture to claim theirs.
• 50:05
  Speaker 4: This guy is just saying words at this point. Continuing
• 50:08
  Speaker 4: the loud.
• 50:09
  Speaker 7: arguments, and then he and his sister left without saying goodbye.
• 50:14
  Speaker 7: I proceeded to stay out with my friends and drank
• 50:16
  Speaker 7: till sun up and crashed on a friend's couch. I
• 50:20
  Speaker 7: got back to the apartment this morning and went to bed.
• 50:23
  Speaker 7: He asked me if he wanted to come out sightseeing
• 50:25
  Speaker 7: with his family today and I said no. I don't
• 50:28
  Speaker 7: know how I can face them. Aside from the chit
• 50:31
  Speaker 7: chat with his mom this morning, there hasn't been any conversation.
• 50:35
  Speaker 7: They have been gone sightseeing all day. They're still out
• 50:38
  Speaker 7: and it's his mom and his sister's last night in town.
• 50:41
  Speaker 7: I feel guilty for getting so wasted and staying out
• 50:43
  Speaker 7: so late and for fighting with my boyfriend while his
• 50:45
  Speaker 7: family is in town. His mom and sister are really
• 50:48
  Speaker 7: lovely and I had been looking forward to spending time
• 50:51
  Speaker 7: with them. But I cannot believe he hid this huge
• 50:55
  Speaker 7: windfall inheritance from me until I asked him about it
• 50:57
  Speaker 7: during the course of a conversation about his brother.
• 51:01
  Speaker 4: I feel really betrayed.
• 51:04
  Speaker 7: We have been having other relationship problems, but I love him,
• 51:07
  Speaker 7: and we both said we wanted to work it out. Reddit,
• 51:10
  Speaker 7: did I overreact? What do I do now? Would I
• 51:13
  Speaker 7: be a fool to try and trust him again? Should
• 51:15
  Speaker 7: I run like heck, or should I try to listen
• 51:17
  Speaker 7: to his side of the story before making a sober break?
• 51:21
  Speaker 4: We have an update. Riley, what are we doing? What
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: do you do? Angie, you're living a life, and you're
• 51:28
  Speaker 4: paying all for Angie.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Paying for everything, and she's had this amount of money
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: for a while.
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: Angie has.
• 51:34
  Speaker 4: So much money in her account and hid it from you.
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: Never treated you.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: Never paid you back.
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: Never said a word and said, you're the bad guy.
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: I may be breaking up at that point. Because for
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: a while she has been carrying this financial stress for
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: a long time and she keeps mentioning it. That is
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: a very, very heavy weight to bear.
• 51:59
  Speaker 4: I guarantee you he wanted to bring it up. But
• 52:01
  Speaker 4: I think he was like, no.
• 52:03
  Speaker 7: No.
• 52:03
  Speaker 4: This is going very well. I like this.
• 52:05
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: It's a good situation for him. It's a beautiful situation
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: for him. Angie and I went to walk to Trader
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: Joe's to pick up some groceries and the groceries were heavy.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: It was two bags, both equally the same size. I
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: noticed that the person not holding the bags had more
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: fun walking while the other person didn't. And I'm seeing
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: the same thing with this situation.
• 52:27
  Speaker 4: Who was walking and who was holding the bags?
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: Who was kind of like, oh, this is great. I
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: love walking. And who's the one bearing the load? I
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: was carrying it for most of it. I'm strong enough
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: to do it. But I know when I gave it
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: to Angie, she was like, oh, so we end up
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: like one person carrying another bag of another. But that's
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: not happening here.
• 52:47
  Speaker 7: OP, I'm not saying this in the context of yes
• 52:50
  Speaker 7: and whatever, but you're a donkey.
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: You're like a pack mule. He's going up the hill.
• 52:57
  Speaker 7: You're carrying everything. You're carrying that burden. And it's all
• 53:00
  Speaker 7: of his things. And he goes, that was an easy
• 53:03
  Speaker 7: uphill walk, right?
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: We can keep doing this. Yeah, no, no. It's weird.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: It's weird.
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: I would break up.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: I think she breaks up. I would break up. I
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: think she's breaking up right now.
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: I would get my money first and then break up.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: We have an update.
• 53:16
  Speaker 7: It took almost five days to get the bottom of
• 53:19
  Speaker 7: our issues. But we finally reached a resolution and have
• 53:22
  Speaker 7: made up and decided to continue our life together.
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: Whoa.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: Okay. Did not expect that coming. Basically.
• 53:30
  Speaker 7: My boyfriend has been more financially stable than I realized
• 53:33
  Speaker 7: for a long time. A lot of the impression I
• 53:35
  Speaker 7: got about his instability was from having to pay for
• 53:38
  Speaker 7: things when he was having issues with his cards overseas.
• 53:42
  Speaker 7: Not because he didn't have the money. He just couldn't
• 53:45
  Speaker 7: access it, okay? Some of the other things, like furnishings
• 53:49
  Speaker 7: and deposits, he could have taken more initiative on. He's
• 53:52
  Speaker 7: agreed to be a better team player about things like
• 53:54
  Speaker 7: that in the future. he says he hasn't been sharing
• 53:57
  Speaker 7: these things to talk about the issues because he has
• 54:00
  Speaker 7: been embarrassed about his shortcomings and wants to fix things independently.
• 54:04
  Speaker 7: He didn't want me to think he was relying on
• 54:06
  Speaker 7: the inheritance to help him. He's also still struggling with
• 54:09
  Speaker 7: the loss of his dad and taking on so much
• 54:11
  Speaker 7: responsibility for the rest of his family in the wake
• 54:14
  Speaker 7: of the loss. I understand where he's coming from and
• 54:17
  Speaker 7: I have apologized for my reaction. I have a history
• 54:20
  Speaker 7: of acting foolish and making bad mistakes when binge drinking
• 54:23
  Speaker 7: and and this experience has been a wake-up call to me.
• 54:27
  Speaker 7: I need to avoid getting that intoxicated.
• 54:29
  Speaker 4: And opening the door to drama.
• 54:32
  Speaker 7: I did my best to make up my absence to
• 54:34
  Speaker 7: his family before they left, and I apologized to his
• 54:37
  Speaker 7: sister for fighting in front of her. She was understanding
• 54:40
  Speaker 7: and kind about it, for which I'm very grateful. I
• 54:44
  Speaker 7: don't think they'll ever forget about it, but I hope
• 54:46
  Speaker 7: that in time I will have given them lots of
• 54:48
  Speaker 7: good reasons to look past it.
• 54:49
  Speaker 4: A little bit left here. What do we do with
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: this now? That he.
• 54:56
  Speaker 7: Didn't want to tell us this inheritance because he wasn't
• 54:58
  Speaker 7: going to rely on it. And he wanted to make,
• 55:01
  Speaker 7: you know, he knew he was struggling.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: So this guy's 30. I get that for guys it's
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: hard to relay emotional things that they're feeling. But this
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: seems pretty important. Every girlfriend's, I don't know, taking care
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: of you.
• 55:15
  Speaker 7: Especially when you're, I hate to say it, relying on
• 55:18
  Speaker 7: her to pay for everything.
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no. unacceptable. I'm glad they talked it out, though.
• 55:26
  Speaker 4: Like, I know he's going through a hard time.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: This is now their relationship and they have to, you know,
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: bear the consequences if those consequences are good or bad.
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: Consequences is a neutral term, not a negative one. This
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: is their journey now. They chose this. If I was
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: in it, I would probably think about breaking up or
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: if I still love this person and they had a
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: really hard time financially and didn't know what to do
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: with their finances, I would have a very deep conversation. Hey,
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: you gotta help out now. It ain't me no more.
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: I'm going to need some help.
• 55:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 55:56
  Speaker 7: It's a very fine line to walk and tippy-toe around
• 55:59
  Speaker 7: and all that jazz. So, I mean, I'm happy you
• 56:03
  Speaker 7: guys are working on it, but if this didn't come up, Riley,
• 56:08
  Speaker 7: do you think.
• 56:08
  Speaker 4: OP would still continue to be paying for him?
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah. If he went this long, his
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: dad passed away like a month ago?
• 56:17
  Speaker 4: Pretty recently, yeah.
• 56:19
  Speaker 7: And he did say the inheritance is locked. Or, like,
• 56:22
  Speaker 7: you know, maybe it's coming in waves. Or it's not
• 56:25
  Speaker 7: like you fully get this.
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: I understand that. I would have had a conversation with
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: my girlfriend that I'm living with. If it was a
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: girlfriend I'm not living with, different story. Someone I'm living with,
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: that's another, it's a deeper conversation at that point. If
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: this was someone I was married to, oh, dude, you
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: wouldn't get away with this at all.
• 56:41
  Speaker 7: Hopefully this does, like, open up that can of worms
• 56:44
  Speaker 7: into your relationship for the future and how you guys
• 56:46
  Speaker 7: communicate things. I hope it doesn't close up and, you know,
• 56:49
  Speaker 7: he doesn't, talk to you about this anymore, but who knows?
• 56:54
  Speaker 7: Opie continues saying, my boyfriend has agreed that he needs
• 56:58
  Speaker 7: to take a more active role in communicating about his
• 57:00
  Speaker 7: situation and.
• 57:02
  Speaker 4: Our future together.
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: All right. I like this.
• 57:05
  Speaker 7: We were able to untangle a lot of issues about
• 57:07
  Speaker 7: trust that have been simmering on the back burner for
• 57:10
  Speaker 7: a while. So I am feeling a lot better about
• 57:13
  Speaker 7: the relationship now than I have in a long time.
• 57:17
  Speaker 7: My boyfriend is responding to comments below.
• 57:19
  Speaker 4: And offering his perspective.
• 57:21
  Speaker 7: We don't see things exactly the same, you don't say,
• 57:25
  Speaker 7: but I respect his opinion and I'm glad he is
• 57:27
  Speaker 7: sharing his point of view. Thanks to everyone who has
• 57:29
  Speaker 7: participated in the discussion here with sincerity. Your perspectives and
• 57:33
  Speaker 7: advice have helped me a lot and have helped us
• 57:35
  Speaker 7: get through a really difficult time. I hope this post
• 57:38
  Speaker 7: can help someone else with a problem he or she
• 57:41
  Speaker 7: is having someday.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 57:43
  Speaker 7: Yeah, I think hopefully he This has opened it up
• 57:47
  Speaker 7: to being open and no longer relying on you and
• 57:51
  Speaker 7: he can provide for you eventually. Or vice versa, where
• 57:55
  Speaker 7: it's like 50-50 on other things like furniture and paying
• 57:58
  Speaker 7: for expensive things or the bills.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 58:03
  Speaker 6: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 58:05
  Speaker 6: the next one.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: I refuse to let my friend's girlfriend attend our wedding.
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: He threatened to skip it. He's going to skip it
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: and get married himself. First time posting in this thread
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: and I'm really at my wits end here. So I,
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: 27 female, am marrying my fiance, 31 male, in a
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: few months. We had previously set a standard that if
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: people hadn't been in a relationship six months prior to
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: our wedding day, they couldn't have a plus one. So
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: we wouldn't have random people at our wedding. We didn't know.
• 58:33
  Speaker 6: Fair enough.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: Long story short, one of the groomsmen got a girlfriend
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: and we can't stand her. She's mean to him and others, controlling, manipulative,
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: and just a horrible individual. We've tried getting to know
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: her on four separate occasions and have not enjoyed any
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: experience as she was always making it about her and
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: they always ended up in a fight where they break up.
• 58:56
  Speaker 6: Yeah, where are the friends being like, she's horrible, leave her?
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: They've broken up eight times in two months that we
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: know of. She got mad at him and screamed and
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: yelled at him for talking to me about getting her
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: involved and me involved. her out with me and my
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: friends more all while she was actively dancing on other
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: guys and intentionally making our friend jealous.
• 59:18
  Speaker 3: Bro eight times in two months eight times broken up
• 59:22
  Speaker 3: in two months you're not dating you.
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: Break up every week she deleted every text i sent
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: so it looked like i was ignoring her And went
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: to him crying that I was ignoring her and that
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: we weren't putting in effort when I was. I have
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: every text I have ever sent to her while I
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: was being nice and trying to make plans with them.
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from UpsetFeeling3507 at FeeWantsToBeYourOwnStories. Go
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: to the r slash ok story time subreddit. I'm Riley.
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota. And we don't have all the information out there.
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: We're just going to read this goofily. If you have
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: anything you'd like to add, please add it down below.
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: OP says about this crazy woman. Sad groomsmen brought up
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: bringing her to our wedding and my fiance and I
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: discussed and ultimately said no and gave all of our
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: reasons why. I wonder how long it took you guys
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: to come up with that decision.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: Probably instantaneously. Just like not even like zero milliseconds. Just
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 3: no immediately.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: She doesn't respect us, me or him individually. And she
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: is not someone we want to surround ourselves with because
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: the drama that comes with her is not something we
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: want to deal with on the best day of our lives.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: Show me your five friends and I'll show you who
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: you are. Show me who you invite to your wedding
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: and I'll show you how your marriage goes.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 3: I'm not inviting anybody.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: To the first one.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 3: This is a long-storied philosophical difference between us on the show.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 3: I'm a huge proponent of secret wedding firsts. Have your
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: perfect moment with your partner.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: Secret wedding. It's beautiful.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: It's an intimate thing you share between yourselves. And then
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 3: you can have the wedding with all of the other
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: people that can ruin it, but they can't ruin it
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 3: because you already did it.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: I thought your second wedding was going to be with
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: someone else.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 3: I got it.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: I got thrown for a loop there. No, no, it's no.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: You should just, everyone should have two weddings. I really
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: believe this. With the same person. The same person.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 3: Everybody get married once for yourselves and then do the
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 3: wedding for, I guess, all the other people.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: There's so much more she's done in the multiple encounters
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: we've had and the things he's told us, but it'd
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: take forever to get through. She sent us a text
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 1: that he will, in fact, will be bringing his partner
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: or he will no longer attend. Before hearing our response,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: he went and got fitted for his tux, which made
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: me even angrier that he thinks we're just gonna let
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: him bully us into letting them come. We're trying to
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: decide what to tell him, as he's very important to
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: my fiance, like family important.
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 6: I mean, if he is that level of close, him saying.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 3: Like, The reason we're not inviting her is because she's
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: terrible and you guys have broken up twice and she's
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 3: going to start a fight at the wedding.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 6: She's going to make a fight with you.
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 1: Twice? Eight times.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 2: Eight?
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you were going to have eight times in two months.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: And tell me, how many times has she cheated on you?
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 3: I mean, if you can even call this a relationship,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 3: it's like, yeah, you break up every week and she's
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 3: dancing with other people.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: I guess I just need advice. What should we do?
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: Am I the a-hole for not wanting her there and
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: getting angry at it? The relationship thing, six months before
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: the wedding was so, there weren't people that we didn't
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: know at our wedding day that was supposed to be
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: surrounded by ones we love. There are always exceptions, and
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: anyone who questioned the rule, text, or call, we had
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: conversations and tried our best to accommodate. He was not
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: given a plus one, and she very clearly does not
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: want what is best for us. Our venue has a
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: very strict guest limit, so we had to make cuts
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: somewhere else. edit two. It's, it's either she comes or grandma.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: That's what I would say.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, you can, you can just try to
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: make it like a, it's just a purely logistics.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: Thing at this point.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 3: But if you're really like, this is your brother, like,
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: I don't know, like I can't imagine not listening, you know,
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: like I've been in that situation where like, I'm talking
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 3: to like my closest friends about like a relationship and
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 3: then they would go, What? And that was what made
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 3: me realize I'd go, oh, oh, this is actually like
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 3: I'm this is actually bad.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: So tell him how bad it is. Edit two. He
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: did not start dating her until after invitations were sent
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: out and plus ones were decided. Relevant comments. Deleted says,
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: I understand you don't like her, but she's the groomsman's
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: significant other. After your wedding day, he has to still
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: deal with the fallout of his decision regarding her coming
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: or not. I wouldn't stay with a boyfriend that went
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 1: to a wedding where I was banned. Most significant others
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: would stand up for their significant other. Does she meet
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 1: the six-month criteria you set? Hope he says she does not.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: They have broken up once a week since the beginning
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: of their relationship. So they've been together for two months.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: I'm not kidding or being dramatic. Literally once a week.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: And in my opinion, I should want to be surrounded
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: by people who love us and only want what's best
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: for us on one day in my whole life. She
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: clearly doesn't since she's been deleting texts and making it
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: look like I'm ignoring her when I'm not and talking
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: bad about me and pretending to be my friend only
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 1: to scream at him because he and I had a conversation.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: Opie also says she has made every single encounter we've
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: had with her miserable. I do not want to risk
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: what's supposed to be such a happy day for us.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: I guess this is where my issue is. One more comment.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: Sharking Snarker says, I understand. Personally, I think I'd also
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: prefer them both to stay home. There was no risk
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: of causing drama. You have the right to form boundaries
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: on your special day. They don't have to agree with it,
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: but they have to accept it. I just hope that
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: it doesn't cause a rift between him and your fiance
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: if he doesn't show up.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 6: Well, I mean, with him being a groomsman, like that's
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 6: a little more complicated.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 1: Hope he says, I'm letting my fiance ultimately decide what
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: he wants as I don't want him to ever resent
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 1: me in the future. I also hope it doesn't cause
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 1: a rift. I'm sorry about your boyfriend's friend. I hate
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: that so much and it scares me, which is why
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: I guess I was seeking advice from people who don't
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: know any of the parties involved. Thanks for your response
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: and best of luck. Update two, two months later. Is
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: she going or not? I sure hope not. Let's be
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: real though. She's there.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 3: So we got eight more breakups have happened. Now we're
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 3: up to 16 breakups now.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: I don't think I've had 16 breakups in my life. Dude,
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: I agree. I don't think I have either.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: Like, Riley, if you were dating a girl and y'all
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 3: broke up eight times in two months, I would grab
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 3: you by the shoulders and shake you until you woke
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 3: up from the dream that you're in that you're dating somebody.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: If it gets to that point, you might as well
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 1: just let me go because there's no going back. I'm
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: going to be... You're caught in the nightmare. And I
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: like it and it's toxic. No.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 7: Okay.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: Well then on that train of thought, if that's the case,
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 3: then you definitely shouldn't bring, if that's the case, then
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 3: you definitely shouldn't bring her to the wedding. Cause it'll
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: just create more toxic drama. And then you guys, you know,
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 3: can sort that out. However you guys sort it. If
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 3: you love the toxicity, this is a great opportunity to
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 3: make your girlfriend behave very toxically.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: Update two, two months later. So our wedding went amazing
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: and was everything I have ever dreamed of having. Yay!
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: We did it! It was truly perfect. She stayed away
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: and he stayed the whole time. Not as juicy, I know.
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: Some people were probably hoping. My, now husband, was able
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: to celebrate with his favorite people without her ruining anyone's fun.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: I did hear through the grapevine that she caused a
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: bunch of drama when He met her out after the wedding.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: But at this point, who cares? Maybe that's mean, but
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: they've pushed me to my wits end. Obie says he
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: hasn't spoken to me since we told him she couldn't
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: come and has only spoken to my husband to get
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: things out of our shared house because he is moving
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: in with her. That doesn't sound good. So I guess
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: misery wants company and they can enjoy being miserable and
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: he can enjoy picking up his things that she throws
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: in her front yard. calling him names, yelling at him
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: in front of his friends and family, and just overall
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: being an absolute vile individual. They need therapy, separately and together,
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: but that's not my place to say anymore. Thank you
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: to everyone for your kind words. I married my best
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: friend in the entire world, and now we get to
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: spend a lifetime together. And yes, when they inevitably break up,
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: he will have a spot to come home so he
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: isn't alone. We will always love him, but at what
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: point do we stop enabling? Thank you again, everyone. I
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: think moving him out's stop enabling it.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, hey, maybe he's right where he wants
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 3: to be, you know? Maybe he's just a real big
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 3: fan of the talk. He's like, he just can't figure
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 3: out how to live without someone throwing his stuff in
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 3: the lawn and screaming at him. I think your friend
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 3: needs therapy to figure out why on earth he'd be
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 3: in a relationship like this. And that's the end of
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 3: this story. Let's head to the next one. Hey, it's Dakota,
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 3: your favorite rat brain host here. And we're going to
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 3: get back to the stories soon. But here's three minutes
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 3: of ads from our sponsors. I put my friend before
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 3: my husband and it nearly broke my marriage.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: Wonder why?
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 3: My 30 female best friend, 29 female just recently.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: Lost her husband, home, car and all income.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 3: Her husband suddenly passed, my bad, and was the only
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 3: one working while she stayed at home with her one-year-old
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 3: twin and four-year-old. They had nowhere to go, so we
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 3: took them in until she can save up enough to
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 3: get an apartment. There was no life insurance. My husband
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 3: isn't happy that they're here. He has told me that
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 3: he does not... like my friend at all and that
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 3: she has taken me away from him and has taken
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 3: his home away. He's paranoid that she's stealing our things
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 3: when we aren't home and wants to put locks on
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 3: our bedroom and office doors as well as put cameras
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 3: in them.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: Might want to hear him out. This is his home too.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: Is there a reason he is worried that she's sketchy?
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: Was she hoping there was going to be life insurance?
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 3: Today, my friend went into our room to smoke a
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 3: cig on our patio to take a second away from
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 3: her kids when we weren't home. She called me to
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 3: tell me that she was going onto our patio and
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 3: my husband started freaking out. Now he says he feels
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 3: like he needs to get an apartment and he doesn't
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 3: feel safe and he doesn't have a place in our
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 3: home that they don't have access to. By the way,
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 3: this comes from Complex Life 9849. If you want to
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash ok
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 3: story time subreddit.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota. I'm Riley.
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 3: We're reading this here story. We're going to read a
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 3: little goofily and tell you what we think. And you
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 3: can tell us what you think.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: In the comments. I feel like I'm losing my mind
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: with this man right now. Really? He's paranoid for some reason.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: What's happening?
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 3: It breaks my heart that he hates my friend so
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 3: much when she hasn't done anything. She's just going through
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 3: one of the toughest times in her life. But I
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: don't know if I'm being too trusting of my friend
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 3: and inconsiderate of his feelings or if he is being
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 3: too paranoid.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: There's an update. We're going to get answers. I don't know.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 6: My gut is telling me that his spidey sense was
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 6: on the money.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 1: Yes, three things. Number one, did she make a pass
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: on him? Number two, did she... Unalive for her own husband.
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I've been watching some crime stuff. I
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 1: doubt that happened. Number three, how is she treating her children?
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: Because if he does not like it and he feels
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: like something's wrong and something's up, hear him out. What's
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: actually happening here? Update. A lot has happened.
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 3: It's so hard to fit every single detail of a
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 3: situation in one post, especially while trying to respect my
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 3: friend's privacy while going through such a rough time.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: What? What? He was right. but I took a lot
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: of y'all's advice.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 3: I apologized to my husband and asked him what boundaries
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 3: he has and what needs to change for him to
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 3: feel more comfortable. We did have this conversation before they
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 3: moved in, but things are so different than expected. I
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 3: realized that I was putting my friend before my husband
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 3: and it was a harsh wake-up call. My husband wasn't
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 3: thinking about leaving me, but he was definitely unhappy. I'm
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 3: glad we had this talk because we have been a
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 3: lot happier being on the same page. Well, we sat
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 3: down and talked to my friend and it went great.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 3: She apologized for going into our bedroom when we weren't
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 3: home and agreed that it was unacceptable and will not
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 3: happen again. I told her the bedroom and study were
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 3: off limits with no exceptions. Her children need to keep
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 3: their toys in the playroom we made for them and
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 3: not downstairs so they aren't taking over the entire house.
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 3: She agreed to these things completely. We changed the door
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 3: locks on the two rooms as well as added cameras
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 3: and a safe for valuables. Most importantly, we told her
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 3: she needed to get a job and her children in
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 3: daycare ASAP and gave her a hard deadline of April 1st.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 3: She took the whole conversation really well and said she
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 3: needed this to happen so she could get out of
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 3: her sadness and start building her life for her and
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 3: her kids. Five days later, she got a job and
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 3: found a daycare for her children.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: It's been a complete switch in the energy in the house.
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 3: My husband and I are spending more time alone in
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 3: our home together and all of our set boundaries have
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 3: been respected. To everyone that said they'd never taken their
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 3: friend and three kids, that's exactly why she has nowhere
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 3: else to go.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 1: No one said yes.
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 3: It's been rough on everyone, but my husband and I
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 3: are confident in our decision to help, even more so
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 3: now that we both feel listened to.
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 6: Would you look at what a little communication can do?
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: Wait, that's it? No, there's a little more. But that's
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: what happened? She didn't steal? They just talked it out.
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: She said there's so much more detail she can't put
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: in this post?
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 6: Well, it's just details to keep her friend anonymous.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: I don't care. I thought she was going to like
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: ruin things.
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 3: I think he just knows how to handle his business
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 3: because he's like, you know, it's better to be ahead of, oh,
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 3: we never expected my friend to be a thief.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: Well, it won't affect you if you're ready. True. Good point.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I just wasn't expecting this ending.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 3: He has also worked on his anger towards said friend
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 3: and feels more at ease when talking to her and
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 3: existing in the same space. It also helps that he
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 3: sees she's taking our rules and deadlines seriously and acting accordingly.
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: Reddit obliterated me.
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 3: And while I don't agree with her out, I appreciate
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 3: the brutalness that made me realize I was not backing
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 3: my husband the way I vowed to.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 6: And that is the end of that story.
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 3: I think the brutality is, dude, you like are essentially
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 3: saving your friend.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: You can't be that mad about it. No, this is
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: a great friend. Glad she listened. Dude, two twin, three kids.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: It's a lot. She got her stuff together though. That's crazy.
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: But if you don't have to pay rent, you can
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: put that towards daycare. Exactly.
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 6: That's the whole plan is it's like, stay here, save up,
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 6: get a job, get out of here.
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: Dang, well, I'm really glad she got that, and I
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: was hoping for more drama. And that's the end of
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 1: this story.