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Transcript

Ocean Has a Lot To Say · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: It's La La Kent.
• 0:02
  Speaker 3: Welcome to Untraditionally Lala. Hello, gorgeous, Welcome to the bonus
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: episode of Untraditionally Lala.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: I am here with t T.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Hello, Hello mate.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: We were balls deep and watching uh the val Yo.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: It's pretty bitching now.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Too bad.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: We can't talk about it.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: But I'm not still talking about It's getting really good.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: A lot of people had written into Untraditionally Lala's Instagram page,
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: and people are really interested in your life Easton, like
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: what is your day to day and all of those things.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: What we do to maintain keeping a small circle. The
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: co parenting, which is obviously very untraditional when it comes
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: to you know, think about the way my household works.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: I co parent with my mom.
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: I put co parent with east and just kind of
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: like this stage of life so many people, because I
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: think a lot of people that listen to the podcast
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: their moms. They are maybe going through breakups, they're venturing
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: back into dating as single moms. It's all just a
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: lot and dipping your toe in the waters can feel
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: like you're taking the giant leap of faith that you
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: never thought you'd ever have to make.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: So that made me feel scared when when.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: You lived in Utah, TI did you have I feel
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: like you never had a small circle until age gotcha.
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean in Utah land In. I mean my
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: circle is pretty small. Would I go out with a
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: whole bunch of people, Yeah, but like they weren't my people,
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: you know, if that makes sense.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: But like land In who lived who was.
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: A roommate, my roommate like that, I hung out with him,
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: Jake Taylor still talk to them. But with land In
• 1:57
  Speaker 4: comes a lot of do so I would just hang
• 1:59
  Speaker 4: out with land It and Landon would plan a lot
• 2:01
  Speaker 4: of things. I'm not a planner, so now I don't
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: do if that makes sense. Yeah, but I also Jane
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: it is landing for you. Janet's the planner. Yeah, but
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: even is the planner, Okay, Like if Janet didn't plan,
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: like Nate BARGATSI or now we're going to a monster
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: truck thing.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: Of that, I wouldn't see anybody because no, I don't
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: take initiative.
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: So circles really are like I don't know, I don't
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: think my circles as small.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I also just don't post like that's that's.
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: The other thing is I tell you, like you need
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: to you need to post more. But can I tell
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: you I'm kind of the same way, Like if you
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: were to look at my Instagram, it really looks like
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: I just kind of kick it at home, which for
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: the most part, like that's what I prefer to do.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: But when I go out, and I've spoken about this
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: many times, I'm so in the moment that I forget
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: to get any sort of like fun content. So when
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: I go out with someone and I watch them, I'm.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Like, make sure you tag me. Make sure you tag
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: me because I study posts.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: Hey do I look okay? And that send me that photo,
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I'll post it.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: Oh, And I tell them if it's on their phone,
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: I'm like, you better send that to me because I
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: got to hit it with the Hollywood one maybe a
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Hollywood two, Like don't you be posing that without my consent?
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: But no, I mean I don't think my circles are small.
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: Like I'm a part of the Stub Club, which is
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: a movie, the AMC movie, which there's like fifty of
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: us that like are a part of it. There's days
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: where twenty five of us go to the movie or
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: thirty there's sometimes that ten.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: But it's like I'm not like.
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: Hey, everybody, get in a huge circle so I can
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: show all of my friends what I'm doing with these friends.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense? It makes sense. I just like
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I went to dinner.
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: Like I'll just say the Pointer brothers, Like, I'm really
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: good friends with the Pointer brothers. I don't pay big
• 3:46
  Speaker 4: on social media during on social media, like, those are
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: really good friends. I hang out with them a good amount.
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: Do I post with them?
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: No, I'm just with them, yeah, just in the moment.
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: If I can't get with a good amount of people, Dina,
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: who does your hair? Like, I have a lot of
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: friends and big circles. I just don't post.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I feel.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: Do you feel like you're almost invading their personal space
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: when you're like, hey, let me get a photo from
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  Speaker 4: my Instagram?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah I do.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: I feel awkward. Yeah, so, but I also hate taking pictures.
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: That's where so my I have a like I do
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: a lot of things, a whole lot of things.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Like I wasn't even home this weekend.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: I know it was a bummer, Yeah, but I.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Wasn't post anything. Yeah.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: But I think there's something too, And I don't think
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: you have to be sober to be aware of your
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: surroundings just for me. Getting sober brought a lot of
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: clarity and then going through just different experiences in life.
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: There was a period of time where people would say,
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: you know, she doesn't have any friends, and sometimes people
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: would blame it on the way that I move.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: I am very quick to burn a bridge.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: The moment I don't feel that something is serving me
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: in my life, I am okay to let that go.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: I have structured my life so that I don't have
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: a lot of headaches, so that I don't have a
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: lot of drama, and making sure that there's no liabilities
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: because where I started to where I am now, there
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: is a lot to lose and I want to continue building.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: And the moment you open yourself up to a broader circle,
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: and that doesn't mean I don't go out with people,
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: but to really get in, to get close, right, I
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: have to really be down for you. The moment I
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: feel that there's a relationship that just doesn't fill my
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: cup anymore, I'm pouring gasoline all over it and torching
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: it like and I don't even think twice about it
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: because it's just not for me anymore. And I can
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: go back and say that, yeah, I miss certain friendships.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: But I can miss something and not ever want it
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: back in my life at the same time.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: I miss a lot of things when I ever. I
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: miss a lot of things in my life just growing up.
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: I don't want any of them back.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: There's great memories, there's great things that where I think
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: back and I'm like, those were amazing times.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Do I want it back?
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: No?
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: No, No, perfect example, some of my funnest times were
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: when I was wasted off my ass. Does that mean
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: I want to go back to getting wasted off my ass?
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: No?
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: But I look back and go, you know, I miss
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: that time in life that was kind of fun.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: And then you see where you're at and you're like,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I don't miss it, though I don't want it back.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: And That's where I'm at in life.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: There are friendships that I look at and it's like,
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: I'm going to rock with you through the thick and thin,
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: and I believe that that we're in alignment and we
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: are cut from the same cloth, and like I want
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: you around and I'm willing to face really difficult shit
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: with you and be real and honest. Those are the friendships.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: It's like a train theory. Have you heard that.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: No, tell me more so.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: People.
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: It's like you're on a train and people get on
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: and off the t You're not supposed to know everybody.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: They just get on.
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: You're supposed to know them for this little short period
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: of time on your train. And when that stop comes
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: and you no longer talk to it, does it? That
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: doesn't mean anything. Just you're on your own. The train
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: keeps going, they're off on their stop. We're all doing
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: our own thing. But it's a train theory.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: I just feel like, but I love that, and it's
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: for the season.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Some for a reason, something for a season.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Some are forever.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: Like I just feel like if there are people who
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: like divorce is not looked at as like a big deal,
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: but when someone is not friends with people like that directly,
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: people are like, you need to look in the mirror.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: You lost a lot of friends.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: It's like, if I can sleep next to somebody, pro
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: create with them, if we can do that and then
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: end marriages, like ending of friendship ain't a thing.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: It's not a big deal.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: No, everything's a coin toss. It's all good. And I
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: like having a tight group. I have opened myself up
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: to broader things and let me tell you, they brought
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: me drama, a freaking headache. I was like, this is
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: not for me. I'm going back to staying in my
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: lane and doing my thing with the group that I've
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: had around me who fuck with me hard, right, and
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: I fuck with them hard as far as like keeping
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: a tight circle as well. I also we have it
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: different because we have such a tight family unit where like, yes,
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: I am co parenting with my mom and my brother.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: And I know I told you guys about this. It's
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: called the mom Edit and it's by Shop Today, so
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Today's show affiliate. And when we were talking about our
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: experiences in motherhood, you know, I had the cookie cutter,
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: but then I also had the other side, which is
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: going to be very very weird for people. When I
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: decided to venture into the sperm donor of it all,
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: Like I did have to consult with my mom and
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: I did have to ask Easton, like, how how do
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: you guys feel about this? And I know it sounds
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: strange if you don't get it. It's my normal. So
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: when I think about it, I'm like, I'd like whatever.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: But it's take us out of it, like take our
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: family like any family, Like I'll just the Russn's because
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: we're close to them. Say Dane and Candace, weren't Dane
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: and Candis and just Candace and she wanted to have
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: a baby.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: She would have the same type of Aleck.
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: And Zach would have been saying, doing the exact same
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: thing that I am doing for you.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: I agree with you. It's a different family dynamic. So
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I just number one, they're the biggest blessing. But it's like,
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: I couldn't imagine taking something like that away from you. Yeah,
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: but that's a very selfless thing easton for you to for.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: You to rise.
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: Well, I think I have really good friends because all
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: of my friends are like the same way, the same thing.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Well, that's that's our certain Like there's the thing.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: I like when I say we're in alignment. Those are
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: things that make sense. Janet's mom moved in.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: Dina, our friend Dina. She's taking care of her little
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: nephew as well. Like it's it takes a village, man,
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: I'm not writing you and she does the same thing,
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: and she wouldn't have it any other way exactly.
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: So when I say, when you find your little circle
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: where you guys, it's not even about like you guys
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: have things in common, like, oh, I go to this
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: place and you go to this place and we both
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: it's it's a bond so beyond like when you go
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: out and drink.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Out a bar, you just know, you just know.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: It's just a feeling where it's like your cut from
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: the same Yeah.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: I was, we're going through the same things.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: And when you do come and you're like, oh, I
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: had to do this, this, and this, even if you
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: don't bring it up, it's like, I get.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: You busy, and I have to say, like, the conversation
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: I feel has has become very, very apparent and broad,
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: which makes me so happy that you really have to
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: be careful about who you have children with and every
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: time because here's the thing. I'm a smart bitch, but
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: I can get very unsmart when.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: A man enters my my.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: Atmosphere and it has to be like just that type
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: of guy where I become very fucking stupid and I start.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: Thinking like, oh, I'm going to do this.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: I could be cool with that. Well, let me ask,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: but let me put it this way.
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: Like the marriage and all that, how long were Kyle
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: and Amanda right there? That's the same thing of like
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: if you were to have kids in that thing, it
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: can no matter how quickly it can quickly, even just
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: he wanted a new career, like if they had a
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: kid and want sifted. That is where it's like, even
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: if you think that you have the right person, I'm sorry,
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: there's so many things that have happened in other people's
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: life where I'm like, but why wouldn't it happen to me?
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: That's where I'm statistically yeah, like I'm like, gosh, why
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: even risk it?
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: Because sixty percent of marriages are not going to And
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: let me tell you something. You always say, love and
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: hate are in the same emotion.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: Crying and uh, crying and laughing about the same emotion.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: Love and hate two very very intense and strong emotions.
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: The person you love, you will grow to hate very
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: fucking quickly. I talk about this even with my friends
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: who didn't go through maybe the same it's not the
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: same as mine.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: It just didn't work out.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: And then you got a co parent with this person,
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: you can grow to really despise that human very very
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: fucking quickly.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Start to look and you're like, where was this guy
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: when I was with him? Like? How did I not
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: see that this is who he could be.
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: We all change by the way. I'm I'm different. I'm
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: a real bag of fun until I'm not.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, right, But I think that's a lot of people.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: We all have buttons, well compash the ones we don't like.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: But let me tell you something. Co parenting with my
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: mom and brother, there is no drama. When I leave,
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: I know that Sosa is going to be bathed, fed properly,
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: her teeth are going to be brushed that time.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: It's going to be the same.
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: Did you yeah, because you were gone, So yeah, she
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: was and we swam.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: She had spf all over her, so we had to
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: get it off.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: I love it when I send Ocean to my actual
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: co parent. This girl came back of five days in
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: Miami and she said, you got to reset them.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: You got to them like you.
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: Let me put it this way, my sister, we all
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: do great, but my law like is a very She's
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: an amazing mother.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Of course. This child, Ocean is.
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: I words cannot describe how perfect, how nice, just the
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: human that she is is just what she is meant
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: to be. And when she goes to her father's it's
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: like she just was reset into somebody that I don't
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: even know. Yeah, and then after a couple of days,
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, here she is, and then she's got
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: to go back.
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: And then she's got to go back. So there's two
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: parts of this. She came home from Miami. And keep
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: in mind, my daughter is five now, she's well aware
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: of where she is what she's doing. So co parenting
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: is extremely difficult with this person because there's a lot
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: of secrets. We have to tell each other where the
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: child is staying. This is just out of safety and
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: knowing where your child.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: Is right And let me ask you this, he has
• 14:46
  Speaker 4: both of your addresses correct, Yeah, And.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: If I stay at a hotel or if there's a
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: night that I'm like, you know, we're going to stay
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: at the Russins, which has never happened.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: But if we were to.
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: Do that, I would let him know because I understand
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: that he is is the father, whether I want to
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: accept it or not, he needs to know where his
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: kid is.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: Well, he's supposed to do the same thing. And when
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: she goes to Miami, he gives me the address of
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: a hotel and then Ocean comes home and says, I
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: stayed at his condo. He refuses to give me that
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: address because he says she doesn't stay there. So that's
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: a whole other set of turmoil that God forbids. Something
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: fucking happened. I don't know the location of my daughter.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: It just sounds like a man on the run.
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: The other part of it, well you said it. The
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: other part of it is she comes home and she says, Mom,
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: I didn't have a toothbrush, I didn't brush my teeth
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: the whole time. And I'm like, you're telling me, no
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: one brushed your teeth while you were there, and.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: It's just.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: She came home her hair was a mess. I'm just
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: like the basics. I don't under like co parenting is
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: the most difficult thing I have ever done. And I
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: will say it until the day I die.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: So the people have good ones. Good for you.
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: If you have a co parent who is difficult, but
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: just in the sense of like the little things that
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: are annoying when you separate, Like I would like men
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: and women to take a moment and just realize, like
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: I have a co parenting relationship, but like we communicate,
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: even though it's not always butterflies and rainbows, because again,
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: how could it be when you're sharing your heart and soul,
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: which is your child. It becomes complex. But I mean
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: the things that I have to fucking battle.
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: And by the way, my situation is not unique the
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: amount of people in my DMS and in the comment
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: section telling me this.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: Woman, you guys wrote a comment and said that she
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: went through a divorce when she was still pregnant. When
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: that baby was four weeks old, the dad started getting
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: four hours I think every other day or something like that.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: By the time the child.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: Was four months old, the dad had every other weekend.
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: That is fucking asinine to me. Dad's amazing. I had
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: a fantastic father. But if you sit here and tell
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: me that the court system is designed to protect the
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: well being of the fucking child, you are so up
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: in the night. Women are looked at in that family
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: court system as the fucking enemy. The child is not
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: protected in the least. Their voice doesn't even matter until
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: they're fourteen fourteen. My daughter the other day didn't want
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: to do something. She didn't want to fly to Miami,
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: and I said, baby, you have to.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: She goes.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: So I don't even have a say my five year old,
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: I don't even have a say. And here's the thing.
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: My job as her mom is to keep her in
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: her little bubble. And I said, you always have a say,
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: and you know, we got to read diirector. We got
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: to read Diirector. And you know, every time you go
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: to Miami, you have the best time. You get to
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: go to the beach, you get to go to the boat.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: You know you're gonna have the best time. And then
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: she starts to smile. I tickle her and do whatever
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: just to get her off of that the loop, because
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: that's what kids can do sometimes they loop.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: We can't feed into it. But it's just a struggle for.
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: Me that I have to be okay with not knowing
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: where my child is. Yes, I can tap my lawyer
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: in and we can do the best we fucking can,
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: but by the time that sees a judge or a
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: court system, three hundred other things have happened. They're dealing
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: with kids who you know, are actually dealing with really
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: really sketchy homes. They just don't care. And by the way,
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: there's bigger fish to fry. But it is complicated. So
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: dealing with my mom and my brother as the co parents.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: Although it seems weird for other people, guess what. It is,
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: nothing but smooth sailing and peace of mind, and my
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: baby in just a sure, stable, freaking home at all times.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: It's not saying that it's unstable for Ocean. She's never
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: gonna know the difference. I gotta know where my funck is,
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: I get. I gotta know where she is. I don't
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: care where you live. I don't care what you do
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: on your free time. I got to know that if
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: something happens to Ocean, that I know where the fuck
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: she is.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Why don't people think what we have is weird? It's
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: like a sister calling their brother and being like, hey,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: people think that's weird.
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: We can go and find random men that who we
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: fall in love with and get to know. But you
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: co parenting with your brother who you've known since birth,
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: that's weird.
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: So well number one, like those are my nieces and
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: you know, like I want to protect them.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: And you do. You're the best uncle on the planet.
• 19:52
  Speaker 4: Well, thank you, but no, it's I don't know the
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: one thing that I've noticed that I don't know if
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: a lot of guys that I've seen on reality to
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: you V shows and ship It's like when you have
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: a kid with your significant other. The word you doesn't
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: exist anymore. It's never about you. You do things.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: That's a that's a tough pill to swallow too. It
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: was a tough pill for me. I'm like, I can't
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: sleep in whenever I want.
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: And there's little things and like you find moments where
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: you you know, you're got to do little things that
• 20:23
  Speaker 4: you want and you enjoy them. But like it's not
• 20:26
  Speaker 4: about you anymore, you know. Yeah, And I'm not even
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: a dad and I'm thinking like that, you know, that's amazing.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Where are these men?
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: Easton whoever?
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: And I've said people would not responded. I've ghosted.
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to say I'm a great guy and
• 20:41
  Speaker 4: these things, but I know.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: What I want.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: Every single person on the planet has ghosted, mistreated somebody
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: and they wish that they wouldn't have handled it.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: There's a couple of ways I wish I would have differently, but.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: We as human beings, reserve the right to evolve.
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: I am going to be a different person tomorrow than
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: I was to date because of what I experienced today.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: No, So there're sometimes where I do think of that
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: and I'm like, Okay, I'm going down a hole.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: I am a decent person.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: Still, you're a great person.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: So you didn't respond to some people when you were
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: at a drunken stupor in your twenty a little.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: Sober, Well, you got to work on that. I know,
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: trust me.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: I wrote it down in my Book of Bill, my
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: Little Friend.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: Of Bill book.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: People who say like, I don't know if I want kids,
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: I always tell them, then don't do it, because your
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: whole life changes. However, if you're on the fence, if
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: you're on the fence and you are asking me about motherhood,
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: there is nothing. I wake up and I'm like, if
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: these two little humans didn't exist, what would my purpose be?
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: What would I be doing?
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: And that's why it goes back to keeping the circle
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: small is I've got a lot at stake here.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: I've got two.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: Little humans in my life that they depend on me
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: and this household for everything, even just the energy of
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: a house. And I pride myself on the energy that
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: this home has because it's just peaceful and calm, not
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: saying we don't willow. There are moments that we while
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: out they are few and far between, and my kids,
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: anytime that they've seen the wilen outside see productive conversations
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: being had that come back to resolution, that your voice matters,
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: that hearing other people and how you've affected them that matters,
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: and then getting back on the right track. And it's
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: just crazy that I now have a five year old
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: who's like coming home and sharing these things, you know,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: where she's been, what she's done, how someone at school
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: made her feel a boy that she may have a
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: crush on. I'm like, oh my gosh, this is a
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: real life little human. And you know, I think about
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: how quickly the time is passing because I don't necessarily
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: think I want more kids. I think I've come to
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: that realization that two is good. I don't think I
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: could go for round three. But even Sosa, she's going
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: to be two in September. And you do feel like
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: when you become a parent, like, no matter how present
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: you are, even if you're a stay at home mom,
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: I think we all struggle with those moments of mom
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: guilt and being like, you know, I could have shown
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: up a little harder today, I could have played with
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: my kid a little more.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: I mean, I just learned.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: That Ocean's TK graduation is on the exact same day
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: that we film the reunion and when I tell you so,
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: Ocean came into her bedroom and she goes, I.
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: Want you on, hold on, can we tell the full thing? Yeah,
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: I'm missing it. You're going to pick it up from there.
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: But this was before we planned on missing it. This
• 24:09
  Speaker 4: is before we plan on miss Okay, they've been working
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: on graduation. Ocean is a butterfly at her school. So
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: I'm in her bedroom picking out her outfit and she goes, Mom,
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: I'm going to sing you something that we've been working on,
• 24:23
  Speaker 4: and it basically is what they're going to sing at
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: graduation and how.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to breathe so I don't lose it, lose it,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: lose it.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: This is what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: lose it. It's it's fun times.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: That they like started out as caterpillars and now their
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: butterflies like ready to fly away. And I just started
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: fucking sobbing the way that I am right now.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Because it's just like flying by so quickly.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: And no, she's not graduating from like high school or college,
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: but this is like a really monumental moment and I
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: have to miss it because I obviously have to work.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: But then I tap into you know, most of her life,
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: I've had to like miss out on things with sharing
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: her with someone else, and they change so quickly. I'm sorry,
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: I'm going on like a tangent, and it's kind of
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: just all in the same realm of like you have
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: to be intentional when like you choose your co parent
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: or your parent at that time, knowing that like it
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: may not work out and you're gonna miss really big moments,
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: and then you have to be able to be okay
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: with the guilt you're gonna experience, and if you're a
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: working mom, that you're gonna miss, you know, really big milestones.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: And I'm just grateful that with Sosa, like from the
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: time she was born until now and hopefully beyond, like
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: I get to like experience a lot of peace, which
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: then I feel guilty because I'm like, I don't know
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: that I would feel guilty if I had to miss
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: so says, because I see.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Her all the time.
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: Right with Ocean, it's just a very strange feeling as
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: being her mom because it's almost like I feel like
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: I'm fighting for her all the time.
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: You're trying to make up for the percent she's gone. Yeah, yeah,
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: And I.
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: Just have such a special place in my heart for
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: her because I can't imagine being bounced back and forth
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: and having different rules. But if I communicate the rules
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: at our house and what I think is best for ocean,
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: it's like talking to a brick wall.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: It's not going to matter over there.
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: So it's like, why have a conversation when I don't
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: even want to talk to this person? You know, even
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: though I can say it's for the well being of ocean,
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: it's not going to be implemented over there. So it's
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: falling on deaf ears. So now I'm engaging with someone
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: who I don't want to engage with and they're not
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: even fucking listening. So, oh my god, I'm sorry. The
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: graduation thing is fucking me up.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: We'll get good, good videos for you though, Okay, really
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: good ones.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so Easton and my mom are going to take her,
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: I said, get all the videos. She's very excited. She
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: already told her teachers. She goes my mom, she's on
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: TV and that day she has to film, so she
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: won't be able to come. But my T, T and
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: GG are going to be.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: There ain't a lot of videos for my mom to see.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, we are.
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: I'm wearing the meta glasses, fucking ripping and roaring on
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: this and then that's said.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: I brought it up.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: I was like, Ocean, so I want to remind you
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: I can't be at graduation, and she.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Say, I know you're going to be really sad. It's fine, mom,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: we'll see in Newport. I didn't even care. Well, that's
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: the thing.
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: So we have a plan of Newport because family friends,
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: the Rust's from Utah coming in and we were going
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: to go to Newport Beach. We asked Ocean if she
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: would like to go to her graduation or just to
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: Newport Beach, and she said just I'm.
• 27:53
  Speaker 5: Like, if I have to miss the graduation, good graduation.
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: So she was like, I don't want to go to
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: my graduation. I want to go to Newport and hang
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: out with her friends. So we said that she could. Again,
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: Lauren had to film and I had to take I
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: got to take I'm not saying I had to I
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: got to take Ocean to the strawberry picking and oh yeah, because.
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: I had to work her last day.
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: Last and so we're running around and doing all of
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: that in Oceans just being a magical Ocean and her
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: teacher comes up to me and she goes, so, I'm
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: not supposed to tell you or anyone this, but we
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: can't tell you how excited we are for her to
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: speak at her graduation. And I said what, And I go, oh,
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: she's speaking, and she goes, yeah. There's only like two
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: or three people of the class there that are going
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: to speak, but she for sure is one of them.
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: And so when I heard that, I was like, we
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: have to go. So now that is like for her
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: little speech, only three of them in the class and
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: she's one.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: No to be a.
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: Fly on the wall in her classroom. I know she's
• 28:57
  Speaker 4: the class class.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: I do understand likes I know.
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: Let me let me put it this way. Yes, you
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: are going to miss it. There's nothing I can do
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: to make that better for you. You're going to miss it.
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: But what I can tell you is you're going to
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: be present and there for a lot of things that
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: she has to come. Little soccer events, little t ball.
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: She hasn't started any of these athletics, and you're going
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: to be there for all of those. There's little things
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: that you're missing, yes, But in the grand scheme of things,
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: out of one hundred percent, you're maybe missing five. So
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: look at it from the big picture, and it's not
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: like you're missing them because you've got hot yoga or
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: you have a hike with your friends and you can't
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: make it like you're working. I know. And there's a
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: lot of movies based on people rushing home from work
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: or whatever to catch half of a play. I know.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: And I know, and there's a lot of a lot
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: of women who go to work and they missed out
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: on their kids things. I know that I'm not the
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: it's not just feel for those.
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: The other thing is like all moms And here's the
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: thing when a mom feels this way, No, you're a
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: good ass mom, Like that's the other thing you care. Yeah,
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: and that's a big step of just being a good mom.
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: So don't don't kick yourself for something that is out
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: of your hands, and just be excited for all of
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: the little things that she has to come.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm just really really grateful for you.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: And she's five, she's five. Here's a thing. It's not
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: a it's you.
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: It's so many fun things that I know. I'm just
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: trying to make you feel better.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: I know, And you're making me feel better.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: And I'm just like, again, my mom and my brother
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: are going to be there, And.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: It's just that's very magical the way that we have set.
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: Up this parenting again, it's like, do you know want
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: to know how it was like like somebody else like
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: you were like, yeah, I just hired a babysitter that's
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: going to take her in film. It's like, no, no
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: family will be there.
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because I'm fortunate enough to have my family pick
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: up their entire lives and move to.
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: Lay Thanks for payroll, baby, I got some things Easton.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: You earn every cent? Are you kidding me?
• 31:17
  Speaker 5: Every time he's like I just feel guilty taking money,
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: I'm like, you're not taking money. You're literally saving me
• 31:23
  Speaker 5: on a regular basis, mentally, emotionally all week thing.
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: We've got a really like well oiled machine machine over here.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: In the world.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we go on and downs, but we're not going anywhere.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: Oh the house don't fall when the bones are good.
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: You guys, thank you for listening to the bonus episode
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: of Untraditionally La La. I'm gonna pull it together hopefully
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: by the next episode. I'll catch you guys on Monday
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: for another bonus Wednesday for a regular old episode and
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: remember an Unlikely Affair Airs every Thursday night at nine pm.
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: Love you guys, Faith Bye,