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Building Authority Through Everyday Presence · The One Small Change Podcast

0:00
Hello, everybody, and welcome to the One Small Change. I am so
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thrilled that you're here and that you are going to embark on this
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journey of exploration and transformation. And I'm Your host,
0:11
Yvonne McCoy and I bring almost 35 years of
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entrepreneurial experience. And I have an insane passion
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for discovering growth through the power of seemingly small change.
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And I'm glad that you joined this. Join me this week. Apparently
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I'm still got rubber lips, right?
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But one of the reasons I do this is because I like to bring really
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interesting people into your world that are going to help you
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in your exploration and help you with your transformation.
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And this week we are talking with the amazing Faith
0:45
Rumer and she's going to share with us how a small
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unexpected or insignificant. Insignificant. I'm
0:53
real having problems today, guys. Sparked a remarkable
0:56
change in her and makes her the best at what she does.
1:00
Faith, hopefully you can talk better than I can.
1:05
Well, first of all, I'm going to take in that I'm the amazing Faith roomer.
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Thank you for that. I so appreciate that.
1:13
You know, what I do is I mentor and
1:17
coach. I coach leaders, entrepreneurs and lot of
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creative professionals. Through the years, I've worked with a lot of actors and
1:25
singers and of TV hosts and YouTube sensations and
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all kinds of people like that. And I help them align
1:32
who they truly are with how they show up, with
1:36
their presence, their communication and in their work so that
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they can really have the impact and the prosperity that they want and
1:43
what I call live their fully expressed life.
1:47
So during the pandemic,
1:52
that was a while ago, right.
1:58
I had committed to going out and becoming a speaker, like going out and speak
2:02
because I sing and I use my music when I speak and I
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wanted to reach people with my message and I committed to that
2:10
and that when I got out and I saw
2:14
the change of people before the pandemic, when I got out and saw the
2:18
change in people, when I could get on a stage and talk about what I'd
2:21
been through, how I found my voice, what was how I found
2:25
expressing myself. It was. It was amazing to see how
2:29
people change. And it really got me on fire to do it. Then the
2:32
pandemic hit and I couldn't go out and do it in person anymore.
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And I had to learn like all of us how to do this.
2:42
Like we're doing it right now. And that, that
2:45
was a boy. That was a skill. It was a challenge and
2:49
it still is in some ways. So I want to
2:53
ask you kind of a strange question. We use
2:57
the word aligned a lot. And
3:01
I don't know whether or not people
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really know what that means or what does it mean to them. Why is
3:08
it important to them that they're aligned? Well, and
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that's a great question. You know, if we're not. If we don't know, first of
3:16
all, we have to get some clarity on what we really want. That helps
3:19
to align ourselves, first of all, because we don't do that. You know, it's like
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I'm trying to get somewhere. I want to go travel somewhere, but I'm not really
3:27
sure where on the East Coast I want to travel to. I know I want
3:30
to go to the East Coast. Okay, but what if I
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want to go to New York? Then
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what am I going to do in New York? What's going to make me happy?
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What's going to be. What's going to be, you know, bring me joy, what's going
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to make me grow, what's going to make me come away from that trip
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and say I did something meaningful and memorable? And I
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remember that trip. So it's a little bit like that.
3:54
Aligning ourselves to what we want to do so
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that we're not scattered all over the place, but we have a real clear destination,
4:02
but we're also aligning. And this is the really important part, what
4:06
an it is that makes us come alive.
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And. And I think that that is part of my message as
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well. I mean, yeah, it. It took me a really long time to get
4:18
there. And I always like to say it's not your fault
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because we were raised a certain way, that you pres. Present
4:26
yourself a certain way, that you come off a certain way. Right.
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And that just makes you generic.
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Wow. We are talking the same language. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
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And the thing that makes you stand out
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is probably the thing that you don't even know that you have most of
4:46
the time. So taking a step back, and I don't want to take all your
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time, but, you know, my favorite saying is it doesn't matter how fast you're going
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if you don't, you know, if you. If you're not going in the right
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direction. And so, you know, I think it's
4:59
really important. I think alignment is about your business, that
5:03
you're doing the right things to get you the right results, but it's also
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that you can feel comfortable in your own skin. You know,
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it's kind of like either you like me or you don't. And that's
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okay. I mean, because there are. It's a huge
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world out there. Not everybody has to like you or need what you have.
5:23
But if you're going to be in business and you want it to be
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sustainable, it takes so much energy to be somebody
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else. It will burn you out. So I,
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you know, I just. I absolutely agree with you.
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You know, I think people are longing
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to feel alive again, to wake up, excited, to feel
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connected to who they really are. You know, and that can be something
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like. Like, I work with people sometimes. I have a
5:52
client, and she's a
5:56
symphony musician, that quality. A violinist. And she
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was. She told. This is a great story that she told me as we were
6:03
working together, that she was in the pit for Les Mis
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for that. So that means she's in the orchestra for
6:10
Les Mis and she's playing. And she was hating it because she had to play
6:13
the same things over and over again every night. And she said she was
6:17
having a panic attack while she was playing it because it
6:21
felt so misaligned with who she was,
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because she wanted to express herself differently. She wanted to
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get out, and she wanted to do. Express her own music. So she
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ended up going and creating an album and
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doing that, and now she's doing more improvisation. But really what came up
6:39
for her is now that she. She's done all that, she's done a lot
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of growth of mindset and spiritual growth. Now
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she wants to go out and help other people with their creativity. And that's her.
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Now that's aligned with what she's been doing for herself.
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So now she has this new full person that she's out
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there creating and expressing in a way that
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is expanding. And I think that's part of what it is as human
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beings that we're here to expand. And I think her
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story is a fairly normal one, that she went
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through all the training. You know, she had a gift. She went
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through all the training, went through all the hurdles, ended up with
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at a place which should have signaled success,
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but wasn't her, you know,
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and. And that's why we find all these. You know, we find lots of people
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who work a job that they hate, Right?
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Because that's kind of where, you know, I. I remember one time going,
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saying to myself, I'm an adult. I have a husband,
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I have a house, I have two cars, I have two dogs, I
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have three, you know, 2.5 kids.
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You don't get much more, you know, I have a job. You don't
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get much more adult than this. But there's got to be more.
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I mean, this can't be the end, right?
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No, absolutely. And that might be, you know, like, she was. Like, she wanted to
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do more expressing about how to mentor other people,
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to be a coach, to bring in some creativity
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workshops and things like that, which is what we're working on now for her. And
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I can see her just light up about it.
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And I. And that's the. For me, that's probably the
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happiest part of working with people is when they
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finally understand what they're good at.
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It's like this wait, and this curtain just opens. It's
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like, yes, this is it. And then the
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confidence comes naturally, because you don't have to. You've already
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got it. You've already got the building blocks. You've already got the skill
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that make you good at what you do. And so you're not, you know, you're
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not afraid. I said, I would like to do. This is
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so crazy. I would like to do a mastermind of women
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who are really competent, know their stuff, so if they get out to talk, they're
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not worried about their content. They're going, I. I really want a comfortable
9:07
bra.
9:12
Yep. You know, so. So. All right, so
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I don't want to stop you. I want you to tell me more. I want
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you to tell me what we. The kinds of things
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or opportunities that we're missing. Yeah,
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Yeah. I. I think what's happening is like, you know, certainly
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a lot of successful women, they're not struggling because they
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lack skills, though sometimes we want to work on those skills. Like, I
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work on people with communication and how to, you know, how to use their voice
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and their presence and grow that. And that's really important. But once
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you have that, what are you going to do with it? You know, once you
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have your skill set? And what I find is that, like, here's it. Like, they're
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editing themselves. I do this. I do it myself. Right. They're
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holding back their ideas, their visibility,
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maybe their leadership, their creativity, and even
10:03
their voice. And the other day on Sunday, I was walking
10:07
somewhere, and this thought came to me for myself. It's like,
10:11
step into your authority
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as a thought leader, as a coach, even as a
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singer, because I go out and I sing and I perform. So as I want
10:23
to step into that as well. I was watching
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someone sing the other day, and they almost like they were
10:30
apologizing the whole time they were singing.
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I'm kind of singing, you know, but not really exploring and expressing their
10:38
gifts. How many times have we seen that? What do we react
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to people who fully are
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owning who they are, that unique part of themselves?
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I say that our impact, and it expands in direct
10:54
proportion to how fully we're willing to be ourselves.
10:58
I think that's true. And you mentioned something
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else that we don't normally talk about on the podcast. So if you're
11:05
willing, I would like to talk about leadership,
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because we don't talk about that often. And I think a lot of us, especially
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if you're entrepreneurs, I think we don't think of ourselves as
11:16
leaders, and yet we really are. And
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I have a whole theory about this. Like, everything
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that's good, though you have your theories. It's like, that's
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absolutely. That's where it starts. I should say philosophies or whatever. But anyway,
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so let's talk about how important leadership
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is in terms of being yourself
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and being aligned. Hmm. Well, I think
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the first thing, and this sounds kind of obvious, but you have to be the
11:48
leader of your own life. You know, where it is
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that you feel like the out of alignment with leading your life,
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you know, are you spending time not putting energy in the certain things that you
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want to get better at? So, for example,
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being a speaker, this is, you know, I. Practicing speaking
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is important for me. And if I want
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to go out and have that as leadership, have a leadership as a
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speaker, I need to practice it. Well, you know, one of the things that I
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always say is there's like, I consider that there are four levels of
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leadership, okay? The first one is self leadership.
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And we tend to not really develop that.
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Our system of education, which is sit down, be quiet,
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don't be seen, you know, doesn't really let you develop that
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fully. The next level is kind of leadership or
12:40
management of projects, which we do extremely well as
12:43
entrepreneurs, generally speaking. And then you have to move on
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to leadership of others. But if you don't know your own
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leadership strengths and weaknesses and understand the
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way you operate, it's very hard to lead other people.
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And that makes it even harder to go to the last one, which is leadership
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of an organization or a movement. And so I think
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that's why a lot of coaching programs or when you work with a
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coach, one of the things they go back to all the time is your
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mindset. And you know, what, what is your philosophy about
13:17
leading? How do you lead? And
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so I think a lot of leadership used to come from just
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having information, which now information is
13:28
everywhere. And so part of the leadership is helping people
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to clarify what they really need and be able to
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implement the steps to get there. So I just want to say we all are
13:40
leaders. I mean, you Know, it doesn't matter if you're leading
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one or if you're leading many. It's
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important to have that and to understand it so that you
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can be consistent in
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what you're doing. Yeah. And that kind of accepting the authority over
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ourselves and our business, you know, and then when we work with
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our team, that work. I think clarity and getting
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clear about how we want to express ourselves is super important
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as well. That when I get in front
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of my clients or anybody and I'm
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coaching somebody or if I'm speaking, I want to be really
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clear what's important to me and what I want to express.
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So communication, I mean, I think communication is
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huge. The best leaders, I guess, are clear
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so that they can communicate well. Yeah, right.
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And I had, I had, I had a. A chemistry teacher who was a
14:43
genius my freshman year and none of us could understand
14:47
a word. I mean, it was like he would go a
14:51
b XYZ and we're like, huh, do you
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know? But a. A good leader, I think, is a
14:58
person who can communicate in a way
15:02
that people can follow and they can see themselves in that. And I think
15:05
one of the things that the pandemic did was I
15:09
think we're all craving a belonging now that we didn't
15:13
have before. I mean, I. I found myself thinking about this the other day.
15:17
And so if you can't communicate in a way that
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brings. Makes people go, I want more. I want to be part of that.
15:24
I want to know it's going to be
15:28
falling kind of on deaf ears and you're not going to get to the results
15:31
that you want. Yeah, yeah. I it my book
15:35
truly be seen and heard. I talk about how to become an
15:38
awesome communicator. And I call awesome not just good,
15:42
because you can go online and find, you know, put
15:46
pauses in, make sure that you have your point and you're going to express
15:50
yourself this way, which is great because
15:54
that is having presence, dynamic
15:57
presence, which we need to be able to communicate. And dynamic presence
16:01
doesn't have to be loud. Right. It can be soft. I'm thinking of Mother
16:05
Teresa had dynamic presence. She had so much
16:08
dynamic presence that she could get people to
16:12
companies and people to give her millions of dollars for her causes.
16:17
So. So, you know, I like people to be able to take away things
16:21
that they can use. So talk about. Can you talk
16:24
about just everyday kinds of things that we can
16:28
do that will give us presence and authority?
16:32
Yeah, yeah. The other part of it, though, I do want to add, is that
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we need dynamic presence. But we also need genuine connection.
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And sometimes people develop that, then they don't have the
16:44
dynamic presence, or they develop the dynamic presence and they're not in
16:47
genuine connection. We need both. But to develop our
16:51
presence, you know, that's part of it.
16:55
I think that there's a big part about owning our voice.
16:59
So how can you do that every day? It sounds
17:03
kind of funny, but as an entrepreneur, as a business person,
17:08
we have to be seen and heard. So
17:11
that thing that we resist often about.
17:15
I'm going to go and put my. Put a video out.
17:19
I'm going to record myself. So what if you commit to
17:23
recording, I don't know, three
17:27
videos this week without them being
17:30
perfect? And there's the rub right there. They're not supposed to
17:34
be perfect. They're just supposed to be you. And so I think the other
17:38
thing, too is developing that presence. And because presence is about how we
17:42
present ourselves, right? We have to get real clear on our why,
17:46
what it is that we want. So when you make that video, what's the point,
17:50
Right? Are you just going to entertain people? Sometimes that's what people do in videos.
17:54
They want to entertain. They
17:58
want to help someone. They want to serve or support, which is great.
18:02
Or they want to start to express their
18:05
ideas. Now, I've seen that happen little by
18:09
little, people expressing their ideas. And I think it's that
18:12
willingness to go out and start to express your ideas.
18:18
I think the other thing I'm.
18:24
I've got lots of ideas that are going on in my head, but I think
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the other thing is, which I always say at my
18:30
workshop is visibility starts with.
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I mean, we're in a zoom world. Visibility starts with just being on a
18:37
camera. Yeah. So that people see you, they see
18:41
how you react to things. You may not say a word,
18:45
but when they see you in the next. In the next meeting or whatever, they
18:49
go, oh, she's doing some of the same things I'm doing. Maybe we should
18:52
connect. Or you ask a question
18:55
and somebody goes, oh, my God, that's a great question. I would like to
18:59
talk to them more. I mean, it is a simple, free
19:03
thing that you can do. And I can tell you that
19:07
I can have 20 people in a room and
19:11
at least seven of them are not on camera. I mean,
19:14
my last workshop, I literally said, okay, I'm gonna
19:18
bribe you guys, whoever answers this question. You can
19:21
put your information in the chat. Yeah,
19:26
but it shouldn't. You. I shouldn't have to bribe you. If you are sure
19:30
about what you do, if you Are, you know, if you
19:34
feel you are in the leadership and in the authority, you should want
19:39
people to see you. And you know, and, and, and
19:42
I will say that
19:46
about a couple months ago, I was writing a post and I was like, what
19:49
is the right picture for this? Right? What's the right image? And I was writing
19:53
about being yourself. And I was like, the right picture
19:57
is me. Isn't that funny? You
20:01
know, I so love what you just said because that. Make it like there's a,
20:04
there's a small step. Make a commitment in the next meeting or the next five
20:08
meetings you're in, not just the next meeting, but the next five to put on
20:11
your camera and then, and then contribute something. Ask a
20:15
question or contribute something. Now I, I
20:19
used to think of myself as shy, that I would
20:23
like, sit back and get information and not go out and, you know, talk to
20:27
people. And I really, really change that in myself. I've made a
20:30
commitment that I will always keep my camera on when I'm in
20:33
meetings. And it's, and it's, it's. Sometimes it's
20:37
difficult to do that, but. And then also to,
20:41
to speak up, to be the one who actually offers something in
20:44
the meeting. And I think that, that that's part of the
20:48
connection and part of the belonging, that you're not just the
20:52
voyeur, right? That you're actually. And, and, and
20:55
here's the thing, here's the thing.
20:59
You, when you participate, you actually learn more.
21:04
Right? And, and, and a perfect example of this
21:08
is, you know, even though some of us think of ourselves as
21:11
introvert and shy and stuff, and we, we tend to sit back.
21:16
I was, I was in a networking and masterminding kind of thing.
21:19
And, and the person, you know, that was
21:23
asking for help, everybody was asking her these questions. And I got so
21:27
frustrated. Yeah. And I said to, I said to,
21:30
I said to her, do you have some paying clients? She said, yes. I
21:34
said, do they love what you do? Do you get them the results that you
21:37
want? She said, yes. I said, then you do not have a
21:41
service delivery issue. You have a client
21:44
attraction issue. You don't need to be fixed, you need to be found.
21:48
And everybody in that room went, that is now
21:52
my new, that is now my new thing
21:55
I would have never done discovered on my own.
22:00
Right? And it's an interesting thing that I'll
22:04
like. For me, it feels vulnerable to get out in a
22:07
mastermind and express, like I'm having trouble with this or this is what I think,
22:11
or then say something and then the person kind of challenges you, which
22:14
they need to do for you to grow. And that can feel, Feel
22:18
very. For me, I would say
22:22
vulnerable. But there's strength in that vulnerability
22:25
to do that. Now when I'm coaching or teaching or teaching a group, I
22:29
have a group of a course in
22:33
being able to unlock and to empower our emotions.
22:37
That I do. It's an eight week course and it's really a beautiful experience.
22:41
But I teach, when I teach that course, I allow myself to be
22:44
in the moment with everyone. And we
22:48
have some, you know, some pretty deep moments, but things will come out of me
22:51
because I'm in the moment, that I'm not scripting myself, that
22:55
I'm reacting, that I'm being spontaneous, that I'm in that
22:59
and it will come out. That environment always makes
23:02
me feel more empowered than being in a
23:06
group mastermind where I'm saying, hey, I need help.
23:10
And I can understand that. I. I
23:13
think for me, when I'm someplace
23:17
and my emotions come to the surface, I mean, I
23:21
was kind of raised to not be emotional. Yep.
23:24
And so it is so scary. And I
23:28
am always amazed at how
23:31
supportive the room always is. Yep. You know,
23:36
because I think in so many situations we're raised
23:39
to believe that everybody's out for themselves. That, you
23:43
know, that it's not a safe place. If you show somebody your vulnerability,
23:47
it's like, you know, it's a chink in your armor kind of thing.
23:52
There was one other thing that I wanted to make sure that I asked you
23:55
about because I think it's very powerful.
23:59
So we talked about, you know, being visible, being on camera.
24:04
What do you think? Probably one of the hardest things
24:07
for me is to pause and
24:11
let things sink in. Talk about the power
24:15
of silence, I guess. Yeah, it's listening.
24:19
It's absolutely really listening. And you know, often
24:22
when we have tension up in here and up in our,
24:27
we're kind of trying to get our point across and we're up here and we're
24:30
doing this. What happens is we're not listening
24:34
anymore. We're all up here trying to express, trying to
24:37
get something. When we allow ourselves to breathe,
24:41
fall back down into our body now you can just see the difference
24:45
in my, my whole demeanor. Now I can sit
24:49
and listen because I'm not trying to get anything anymore.
24:53
Well, I think the other thing is
24:57
that it gives people the opportunity to
25:01
respond. So you can listen if you just go in at
25:04
100 miles an hour, which I have a tendency to do a lot chatgpt
25:08
says to Me, you need to pause. You didn't, you know,
25:12
and. And I think the other part to that is being on Zoom, sometimes
25:15
it's hard to. To, you know, stay on track and
25:19
read the chat and do those other things. So you do need those pauses
25:23
whether you're on Zoom or not, just to. Just to kind of
25:28
feel what's going on. Yeah, yeah. How often we are. You know,
25:32
the other thing that happens is you can be trying to do three things at
25:35
once. You're in your meeting on Zoom, and you're checking your emails and you're doing
25:39
this and you're not being present. So it's that present, being present with
25:43
somebody. And I really know that because of all the voice work that
25:46
I do and when I work with actors, how to be present in the moment,
25:50
they have to be present with their emotions and what's going on. You got to
25:53
get back into your body, got to drop down out of our head and
25:57
back down into our body. I cannot
26:01
believe that our time is up, as
26:05
I've talked about so many things. So
26:08
I'm just going to say that. That Faith has got a fabulous gift that you
26:12
need to make sure. Make sure that's one of the things you do, that you
26:15
need to breathe, be in your body, take pauses, listen,
26:19
make sure that you're on camera.
26:23
So, Faith, when was the last time you did something new for the first
26:27
time? Something new for the first time? You
26:30
know, it wasn't the very. The very first time I ever did something
26:34
was the first time I did something in that environment. And I was in my
26:38
church choir on Sunday and. And I just joined the
26:41
choir again, and we were doing
26:45
a song and she, the choir leader, was, you know, motioning to people
26:49
to do a little, like, ad lib solo over something. And
26:53
everybody was going along and I. And I kind of was like, oh, I'm not
26:56
sure I'm ready for this. And then she pointed to me and I
26:59
let it fly. I went. I said, you know what? I am not.
27:03
I am. I'm opening up fully. I am not going to edit myself
27:07
here. I'm going to be in the moment. I'm going to sing. And I got
27:09
done. And everybody was like, yeah. So that was something that
27:13
I did for the first time in that environment and gave myself
27:17
permission. Bravo.
27:20
Bravo. Yeah. All right, guys. You know, I gotta do a
27:24
commercial. So as the first step, make sure you subscribe and share
27:28
and engage on social media about the podcast,
27:31
because one of the reasons I did this is it is
27:35
designed to supercharge your business through connection. It's my
27:38
way of trying to help grow a community that we
27:42
can give back and have impact. And so I
27:46
hope you'll continue to join me for the one small change as we go
27:49
forward. And I've done a couple of
27:53
individual episodes that you might want to take a look at.
27:57
Faith, before we leave, what are your
28:01
last words of wisdom? What do you want us to remember?
28:04
Well, let's see. That's a really good question. I would
28:08
say.
28:13
That when we say yes to fully expressing ourselves,
28:17
we're going to be challenging our old beliefs, our feelings and judgments
28:21
and fears. But as we get clarity on that and what we really want,
28:25
we move through our feelings, we change our beliefs, we
28:29
become more grounded, more truthful,
28:33
more creative, and more resilient. And that's when
28:37
we can connect more deeply with others. And that's something AI
28:40
can't do. Oh. Amen.
28:45
So the time always goes really fast.
28:49
But this is what I want you to remember. Change can be simple,
28:53
but it's not always easy, and it requires courage and
28:56
resilience and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone. I always
29:00
say that, you know, if I don't have some butterflies on my
29:04
stomach, it means I don't care, right? Because I always want to do my
29:07
best, and you always kind of worry about that. But if you are
29:11
just being lackadaisical, it means you're starting to
29:15
stagnate. So I don't want that to happen to you. And so that's why
29:18
I bring all these wonderful speakers to you, so that you can look at
29:22
things that you can do and take action about right away.
29:26
So I hope you will continue to join me on the one small change as
29:30
we go on this journey of a bold vision and innovative
29:33
possibilities. And until the next time, stay
29:37
very, very curious. Thank you, Faith.
29:40
Thank you, Yvonne. It was such a pleasure. And what fun
29:44
it was. Yeah. All right, everybody. Bye.