Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Finding Purpose in the Pause

Transcript

Finding Purpose in the Pause · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You are listening to episode 101.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you've pulled up a chair, or maybe you've popped in those earbuds on a walk, or maybe while you're doing that nasty little folding laundry task, however, you're tuning in.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Thanks for being here today.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about some pauses, not the kind you hit on your TV remote because you need to grab a snack, but you know, those uninvited pauses that life throws at you in the middle of a major life transition September 11, 2001.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: When that day of terror was over, thousands of families had lost loved ones, airports were closed, flights were grounded and all of America felt the weight of one of the biggest pauses in our shared life.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Do you remember it?
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: The silence of no planes in the skies, the way people just stopped, grocery store lines, classrooms, living rooms, everywhere you look, there was a hush.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: That pause wasn't something anyone chose.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: It was forced upon us, but it changed how we looked at our routines, our priorities and, of course, our sense of safety.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Your personal life transitions often bring that same kind of pause.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Maybe it was the day those divorce papers were signed, or the moment you dropped your youngest off at college and you came home to a silent house, or the morning you woke up retired not by choice but because your company restructured.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Whatever the transition, you know that feeling.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Life just hit the brakes.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: The momentum you once had vanished overnight and in that pause you felt helpless.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: You feel helpless.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: You don't know whether to cry, to scream, to clean out the closet or crawl back into bed.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: That pause is brutal.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: But let me tell you something important that pause is not the end, it's not a failure, it's not punishment, it's formation, it's the beginning of the formation.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: So here's the coach in me talking now.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: So when I was coaching basketball, we used timeouts and halftimes as pauses, not to punish anyone, well you know but to reset, regroup and make adjustments.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Because why?
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: The game certainly didn't end at either one of those a timeout or at halftime, but what we did at halftime in that locker room often decided the outcome of the game.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Your pause in life, whether it's weeks, months or even years, is your halftime.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: It's where you get honest about what's not working, what needs to change, and where you'll find strength to walk back onto the court.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Now, I'm not going to sugarcoat this, because pauses feel terrible.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: They're lonely, confusing and full of doubt.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: When I went through my divorce, I felt like I was benched indefinitely.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Everyone else's life kept moving and mine was stuck in slow motion.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: But that's what pauses do.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: It tricks you into thinking the game has passed you by.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: But here's the truth Benches are where champions are made, because they give you perspective and they teach you how to see the court differently.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: So what do we do when we're in a pause?
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Well, number one, we acknowledge the stop.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: We don't fight it, because we just need to learn to acknowledge it.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Say it out loud, name the feelings, journal them, say those out loud, cry if you need to, just don't bottle them up.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Number three listen to the silence You've heard me talk about before, the sound of you, the act of getting up in the morning with no media, no music, nothing to interrupt the thoughts going on in your head, and just listen to what your thoughts are saying because you see, in that stillness and in those pauses and in the quiet.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: The pauses are noisy in their own way.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: They echo with doubts, fears and what ifs.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: But if you sit still long enough, clarity eventually whispers through.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Number four prepare for your re-entry, because your pause is not forever.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: It's setting you up for a comeback.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Use it to strengthen your heart, sharpen your focus and clarify your next step.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: I'll never forget the first Christmas after my divorce.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: The house felt too quiet, our traditions were fractured and my heart was heavy.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: It was one of the hardest pauses of my life.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: But that year also became a defining one for me.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I journaled more than ever, I took long walks, I allowed myself to grieve, I changed some traditions and started new ones and little by little I began to discover who I was, outside of being a wife.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: That pause hurt, but that pause also shaped me and made me who I am today, because without it I wouldn't be here helping coach you through yours.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Now I want to give you a few prompts to take with you this week.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: You know I love to put you in the driver's seat while I coach you from the passenger seat.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Grab your journal or the notes app on your phone and wrestle with these three questions.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: With these three questions One when has life forced you into an uninvited pause?
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Maybe it was the past.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're in the middle of it right now.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Number two what did that pause reveal about what matters most to you or what mattered most to you?
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: And three looking back if it was in the past, or staring it in the face?
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: If it's current, how are you seeing that it shaped you into being who you are today?
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: You see, friends, pauses aren't permanent.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: They're painful, they are disruptive, but they are also necessary.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: They give you breathing room to gather strength for your reentry.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Just like the skies eventually reopened after 9-11, your life will reopen too.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: The silence will lift, and when it does, you'll be ready, no-transcript and fresh hope.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: If any part of this resonated with you, I want to ask you to do two favors today.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: One share this episode with someone you know who might be in a pause right now.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Sometimes they just need to hear that they're not alone.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: And then, number two I would love it if you would head to my website.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: And then, number two I would love it if you would head to my website, tonythrashcom, and sign up for updates for my upcoming book Start your Comeback.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: It's packed with tools and stories and strategies to help you move from the bench back into the life waiting for you.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: And remember this pause you're in.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: It's much needed and it's not forever.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: It's only halftime and we're gearing up for the second half, so you better be ready Before I go.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: On a much smaller scale, 9-11 is a big day in my family.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: It's my mom's birthday.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: She'll be 83 years young and no, I did not ask permission to tell her age.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: So, mom, if you're listening, happy birthday.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next week.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.