Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / I'll Do Better Tomorrow - Coulson's Retreat

Transcript

I'll Do Better Tomorrow - Coulson's Retreat · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Gooday, Welcome to the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: We love Fridays. They are our most exciting day for
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: two reasons. First of all, it's the weekend. It's just
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: around the corner week your boys just break very much,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: quite embarrassingly.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: So thanks for pointing that out.
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: You were in your high pants today.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Oh I'm not actually you mentioned these ones are a
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: little tight.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: Oh gosh, let's say that again. No, I can't remember
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: what I was saying, and that won't be the same.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: And we get to it's our show and tell it's
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: our old do better tomorrow. That's what I was going
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: to say.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: It's the weekend and it's our old do better tomorrow.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Where we get this year. We're not on camera. I
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: don't ever see your hype, the stuff.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: That's been good and the stuff that hasn't been so good.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: As we've tried to wrestle with the realities of family life,
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: we've both got some pretty cool insights that have really
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: impacted us for better this week, and we will share
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: them with you.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Right after this.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: Hello on, Welcome to the Happy Families podcast, where you
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: get real parenting solutions every single day, where Australia's most
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: downloaded podcast we are Justin and Kylie Coulson. I have
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: completely forgotten the scripts because I'm now worried that my
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: pants are too tight.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: And if you miss the intro, you need to go
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: back to the intro. It's the weekend. It's just around
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: the corner week Your boy's.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Just break very much, quite embarrassingly, so thanks for pointing
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: that out. Today on the pod we evaluate what's worked
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: and what hasn't in the Coulson household and.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: The hope that will help you to evaluate what's going
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: on in your home and make it better.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: It's good, I'll do better tomorrow, based on a book
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: of the same name that every now and again we
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: talk about here.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: On the pod.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: We're both going to be talking loosely about the same
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: stuff today, so you're going to be up first, but
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: just some introductory comments. During the school holidays, you and
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: I were supposed to be on a trip overseas. Didn't
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: quite work out that way, because there's that whole traveling
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: overseas issue right now, especially if you're heading towards the
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Middle East or Europe, and therefore our trip was canceled.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: We got some refunds come through and you and I
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: had to then work out, well, what do we do,
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: And because we love our children, we decided not to
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: go away for quite so long, but still go away
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: without them anyway, because we really wanted to have that
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: time together, and we went to This is not sponsored.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to say it. It's just easier hashtag
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: not sponsored. We went to a health retreat on the
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: Gold Coast called Eden Eden Health Resort, which you're a
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: long term fan of and I went to in nineteen
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: ninety three and two thousand and three. So nothing new
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: here from an experienced point of view. But I just
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: finished writing my very final, final, final, final draft.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Of the book. I was exhausted.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: I needed I just needed a healthy, retreaty kind of
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: place and you'd love being there anyway. So we went
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: down there and it was there that we had the
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: insights that have really flipped the switch for us since
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: we've come home over the last couple of weeks. I
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: share that as background because number One, you don't have
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: to go.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: To a health retreat to make changes in your life.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: You can listen to the Happy Families podcast and we'll
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: tell you about our change. Then you can make them
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: make a difference. Sorry, I'm so sorry.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: But secondly, secondly, what this is about is living with
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: intention and sometimes when you do get away, it might
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: not be for a week, it might be for a
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: day or a couple of days, weekend. It just if
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: you're intentional about it, it gives you that chance to pause,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: reflect and think about what's working and what's not so
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: that you can make the changes. So you and I
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: both made some changes as a result of our time
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: at Eden.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Where would you like to take this?
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  Speaker 3: You're up first, Well, I talked to you about one
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: idea that I had and we were going to go
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: with that, but I've decided to change it up, so
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: I'm leaving you in the dark again again.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, this happens a lot of the pod lately.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: So normally when I go to the health retreat, I
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: go alone and it has become a cherished space of
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: stillness for me and probably some really serious heavy lifting
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: as far as unpacking and processing emotions. This time was
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: because this was the first time you and I were
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: going together, right, So it's the first thing. And then
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: the second part of that was the goal was not
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: about unpacking. The goal was about togetherness, right, So already
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: there's an incongruency between the goals.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, sure.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: And the reality is, as I sat with this, I
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: actually was really challenged by it all week. I had
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: this this deep desire to be with you and connect
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: with you, but I was wrestling with the fact that
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: I was in the place where I unpack, and I
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: needed to unpack and I needed to probably unravel a
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: little bit so that I could work it all out.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: But you were in my space.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: But I wasn't. And I really want to be clear
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: about this.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: For the first three or four days, I kept saying,
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: I can leave you alone, I can give you space,
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: we can be together this this.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: But this is the tension point because I wanted to
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: be with you, and.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Whereas when I'm not there, you don't have the You're
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: just on your own and you do.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: The decisions already made.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: So you have to do the unpacking personal in a work,
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  Speaker 2: Whereas because I'm there, you don't want to do the
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: person in the work, even though you need to because
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I want to be with you, you want to be
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: with me. But I'm saying I know you need to
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: do the work, so just go and do it, and
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: you're like, I need to, but you're here, and I'm like,
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: but I don't have to be here, and you're like, no,
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: but you are.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, And so I was.
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: I was really, really, really wrestled with this all week,
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: and in some ways it was a really hard week
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: instead of the beautiful, nice week that we do, it
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: was going to be.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Yes, a quick quick highlight there, if you're going to
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: do a couple's weekend away or a couple of week away,
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: don't do it treats treat unless you're both on the
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: same page about it. In many ways, these kind of
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: places are the sorts of places where you do go
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: on your own Yeah. Yeah, Although and when I liked
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: being there with you, except when you were.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: When I talk to the stuff, they all they all
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: just totally understood what I was saying. It was like,
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: that's why most couples choose not to come together. They'll
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: come at separate times throughout the year, because it really
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: is a personal opportunity for stillness. We don't get that.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: But the lesson that I took out of that when
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: I saw that is it's not just about being at
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: a house retreat. I experience that tension and that friction
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: almost on a daily basis, because the reality is, doing
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: my inner work and processing is important, but so is
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: time with you. They're two good things. Does one out
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: that way the other one? I don't think so, And
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: at any point in time, as a as a parent specifically,
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: but just as a human being, we actually have to
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  Speaker 3: prioritize because there are many good things that fill up
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: our time and our space and our energy. And I
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: thought it was just an eden thing. I thought that
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  Speaker 3: I was just really wrestling with this because all of
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: a sudden, a space that had predominantly been personal and
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: private for me was I was now introducing another person
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: into it. But the reality is, when I looked at
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: it closer, that's my day to day. I go through
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: this on a daily basis. I desperately want to spend
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: time with friends and connect with them, but I've got
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: children at home who need to be homeschooled and learn
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: and grow, and each one of them is important and good.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: But in any given moment, I actually have to be
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: able to take a step back and look at what
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: the priority is. So that means some days the priority
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: is actually connecting with my friends, and homeschool or school
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: work gets pushed to the side and other days, homeschooling
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  Speaker 3: has to be the priority, and a lot.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Of people probably listen to what you're saying and going well.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Every day the priority is paying the bills.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: I have to go to work, I get that, but
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  Speaker 3: it's outside of that. Some days it's I'm going to
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: go for a walk instead of doing the dishes. The
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: dishes will be there tomorrow. I'll get it done right.
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  Speaker 3: It just like there's no perfect answer.
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  Speaker 1: No, it's a never any there's never any ten.
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  Speaker 3: But there is always going to be tension. And if
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: you can just be clear on what the one priority
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  Speaker 3: is in this moment, it will make it a little
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: bit easier to make the decision, even though it's.
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  Speaker 1: Not all right.
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  Speaker 2: Great stuff after the break. The two big insights that
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: have changed everything for me in the last few weeks.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: As a result of taking some time out to the introspective,
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  Speaker 2: I didn't have any tension, by the way, I had
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: no tension at all. I was like, I can do
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: it inner work, even if you're near me.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: You think you're funny.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I was trying to be funny, seriously, as funny as
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: I thought. That's next.
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  Speaker 3: This is the person who gets to go on an
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: aeroplane every other day and have all the time he
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: wants to himself. He gets to snuggle in a bed,
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: don't eat at a restaurant, stuff, doesn't have anyone.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Pulling on him asking.
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: Them to do anything for their family all the time. Anyway,
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: all right.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: My story is next.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome back to the Happy Families podcast, where
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: you get realpairing solutions every single day.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: We are Justin and Kylie Coulson and how.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Did your processing go?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'll do better. It's so funny.
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: They give you a journal and you go to Eden
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: and my journal I wrote. The first thing I wrote
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: in the journal was I had no intention of writing
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: and still may not do much.
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: Let's just put it out there. We were there for
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: a week. You were two days in and you were like,
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: I'm wound down, I'm ready to go home.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I've got stuff to do it. I've relaxed. By the
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: time we got to day six and we're going home
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: the next day, I really like, I don't want to leave.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I reckon, I could do with another two maybe
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: three months of.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: This someone cooking all your food.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Whether there is that anyway.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: My insights, they repeated themselves pretty much daily, and I've
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: been living it since I've come home, and I'm so
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: grateful for it. Insight number one, life is better without
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: a phone and screen. So I made a commitment remove
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: all screens at six pm each night, and the second
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: one I missed. The quiet Eden is silent. I was
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: not really silent, but it's pretty peaceful. And so every
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: single day trying to find a way to get downtime
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: daily in green space. So that's not exercise time, that's
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: not going for a walk with the dog, that's not
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: doing all the stuff and being active. It's literally sitting
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: on the grass and doing nothing, even if it's for
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: five minutes or ten minutes. There's just something. Oh my goodness,
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: I can't describe the peacefulness that I felt removing my phone.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: I've stopped worrying about what's in the news headlines. Like
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: I'll still scan the headlines mainly for parenting content to
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: talk about in the podcast, but other than that, I'm
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: just not that interested in the headlines anymore.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: And my life is better. My life is better.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: Every night that phone has been away somewhere between five
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: pm and six pm, with very rare exceptions. Every now
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: and again, there's a reason that I have to have
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: it or or use it. But I'm not even listening
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: to the podcast that I used to listen to. I've
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: slowed it right down, and oh, I just feel good.
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: It's interesting when I think about the week that we've had,
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: I think you and I have both, at different times
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: talked about One of the most enjoyable moments of that
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: week was taking a picnic blanket down to the stream and.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Just sat under the tree.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: Sat under the trees, and we basically had our quarterly
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: getaway catch up meeting and just refined all of the
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: goals and things that we're working on at the moment.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: So it wasn't like we were just doing nothing, but
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: we just got to lounge around and have easy conversations
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: in a beautiful place and listen to the birds singing
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: around us, and a little magpie got too close and
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: all of the things. But when do you take a
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: picnic blanket out and go sit.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: On the grass?
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: I who was the last time we ever did that?
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: I actually forgot to mention in the intro it's an
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: internet and cell phone black spot, Like you just can't
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: get internet, the phone doesn't work to call home. You
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: kind of got to go for a walk down to
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: the front fence and stand on one leg and reach
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: out with your left at a forty six point three
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: degree angle and hope that the reception will work.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: And so we.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Didn't have any We were off the grid for a week.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, I keep saying it, but it felt
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: so good so coming home. Obviously technology has come back
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: into our lives in various ways. But just making sure
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: that I don't touch my phone for the first couple
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: of hours in the morning, I'm doing my reading and
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: I'm doing my rising rituals, and then in the evening
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: having that phone that screen away by five pm, six pm,
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: it just feels so good. And then touching grass, grounding,
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Oh I love it.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I love it. So that's my older bed tomorrow.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: If you can incorporate it, even for a few minutes,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: the grounding stuff, or if you can get rid of
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: your advices except when you really need them, just watch
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: how it feels, even over the course of a few days.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: It is just divine. That's it for this week. Have
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: a great weekend. I did it again. I did it again.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: When you said that it sounded a little bit wrong,
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: bit high, just wanted to highlight. Just wanted to highlight.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: We've been on a health kick for a couple of
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: months now, and I have shifted into the slightly smaller
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: sized pants that I've kept in my draw in. Maybe
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: a little bit too early for the day that I could.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: I might have been optimistic todight.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: The Heavy Family podcast is produced by Justin Rouland from Bridge.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Medium Inhabits provides research, admin and all the additional support
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: that we need for the pod. Thank you so much,
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: both Jr And MIM have a wonderful weekend.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: We're so grateful that you choose to listen.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: And if you haven't already, if you've got a son
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: or sons, check out my brand new book Boys, Building
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Strong Young Men from the Inside Out.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: It's available now
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  Speaker 2: For pre order twenty seven percent off at book toopia
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  Speaker 2: dot com dot a U