Latest / Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie / People Pleasing, Perfectionism, Overworking & How To Fix

Transcript

People Pleasing, Perfectionism, Overworking & How To Fix · Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Live Well podcast.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: As always, I'm gonna give you guys a little live well update from me.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: I just had a weekend away at my friend's well her parents' house is kind of like a cottage.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: To us, it's like a cottage, and we threw my friend this beautiful baby shower.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: We did this full like picnic in the yard, you know, we got the flowers, we were just like sitting on the ground, we made it very boho, we got our flower crown and this like paleo lemon tart because she calls her baby like little lemon baby.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: So we did a full like lemon a multi-coast capri boho theme.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: It was really fun and it came together quite wonderfully, and yeah, it turned out really nice.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: It was nice to get out of the city and kind of just not be in so much of the energy.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: One thing I've definitely realized this summer or like this year in general is that I really like getting out of the city.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of an update for me.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Also wanted to give a few more kind of like updates in terms of what is new, you know, at Keep Up with Live Headquarters.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I also got my place redone, guys.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't seen my place, I had a designer come in fully style it, stage it.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: We got a few new furniture pieces and everything like that.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: So um I did post it on my stories.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna try to post like a either like a like a reel or some sort of photos on like a before and after.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: So head over to my Instagram to see it because it looks so much better, and it's really crazy how much like your environment changes your vibe.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And now I just walk into like rooms and I smile and it just feels so much better, so much nicer.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I also had like the office kind of revamped, you know.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I kept my same desk, but she changed the layout.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: We changed like yeah, we cleaned it up a bit, it just looks so much better.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: The and we have this also um like a meditation corner.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: So she moved like one of the mirrors from my office into this meditation space.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: We got some cushions, and it just feels like this nice zen serene corner of my house that I can now go meditate in, and I'm gonna be hosting like my ceremonies there from now on.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really excited for that.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that's been really nice.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I also have plants, by the way.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I need to like you know, look this up.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Reminding me, I need to figure out how to take care of a fiddle leaf.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you guys have any tips for, I think it's called fiddle, fiddle leaf plants.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I tend to kill succulents, so we're going to, you know, knock on wood, manifest that this plant does not die.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um if you have any tips on how to take care of them, please let me know because I definitely don't want to kill it.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I have to Google that.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: But also, if you have any tips, let me know.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I'm really liking my new space.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely check it out.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, it wasn't like a full revamp, I didn't get like all new furniture because this isn't my forever home.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: But like the extra juz just kind of like energetically changed up the space and it feels so much better.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Also exciting is that I am now certified in 70 a high energy.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: So you guys have you know had my Akashic readings or my energy healings before, and you guys have loved them.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Think of a high energy as like that times 10.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's a very powerful, you know, it operates at the miracle frequency, it's pure love and light, and it is the most powerful energy that I've ever worked with.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really excited to now be bringing that to my energy healings and to my Kashic readings.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: So stay tuned for it.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, now that that's getting an upgrade, you're just gonna be able to experience that powerful energy.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, like I've been manifesting with this, and I've manifested a crazy amount since charging it with a high energy, you know, healing, you know, whether it's healing me or healing other people.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I've just noticed profound effects, and it's it's so intense in the most magical way.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm really excited to bring that to you guys.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Goddess activation is also opening at the end of the month, so I believe it opens like the last day of this month, going into the beginning of August.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: So stay tuned for that because I know you guys have been wanting me to bring that back, and that's gonna be all about like deep self-love, loving your body, loving yourself, cultivating worthiness, and all of that.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then Wellnourished opens on the 19th of this month of July for early enrollment.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So if you know you need an extended payment plan, it's going to be open for about a week starting at the 19th of July.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been waiting for that, um, I know a bunch of you have been waiting for me to open up an extended payment plan.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: You guys can enroll starting the 19th, you can book your one-on-one session and then have the live calls when they start in a couple months.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of newness coming, but I'm excited honestly for everything.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm loving like all these different programs.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: All of them are very unique.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you're unsure where you should start, if you're like Liv, should I do an energy healing, a reading, you know, goddess, well-nourished, one-on-one, whatever it is, just send me a DM and I can tell you what's right for you.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because it honestly depends on kind of what you're struggling with and what you are needing, and I can point you into the right direction.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: So let me know if you have any questions about any of those, because I'll link them in the show notes, all of them, but also just DM me if you have any questions.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm really excited to get into today's podcast episode, which is going to be all about people pleasing, perfectionism, overworking, sources like of it, why you do it, why you know it can be so detrimental, and all of that.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go ahead and get into the episode.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Live Well Podcast.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is designed to help you live well, body, mind, and soul.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Liv, a natural health and wellness expert, and each week you will walk away with the insights, tools, and tips to truly live your best life.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: If you are looking to live well, you are in the right place.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: A new episode starts now.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, guys, so this episode is gonna be all about people pleasing, perfectionism, overworking, all that.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be diving into all of the nitty-gritty.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, what is a people pleaser?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: While every people pleaser can be different, there are some like common things that make someone a people pleaser, and basically it's someone who continuously gives too much to others.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna give you kind of like a list of some things that you know will indicate whether you are or not, or also how much of a people pleaser you might be.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: So you engage in self-sabotaging behavior in order to fit in or be liked, you act like those around you, so you feel like you act one way with certain people, another way with different people.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: You take on too much without questioning, it's actually what you want to do.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: You feel responsible for how others feel.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: So this can be partners, friends, mom and dad.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I see this a lot with my clients.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, feeling responsible for like parents or sisters or partners.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're apologizing often and needlessly.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like this is also like a Canadian thing.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: We tend to say sorry for everything when you don't actually need to apologize, you probably didn't do anything.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling overwhelmed by the amount on their to-do list, having a hard time saying no, needing like praise or validation to feel like a good person.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And really, the more you learn about like a people pleaser and like what makes it, the closer you'll be to knowing and identifying how you can stop and how you can overcome.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, why do people become people pleasers in the first place?
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is really important to understand.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And while there's no like clear-cut, you know, one answer for this question, most people pleasing tendencies tend to come from learned behavior or trauma that came from their like early years, so when you were younger.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And this is always why you guys know I talk about releasing emotional trauma and releasing trauma, is because if you don't do that, you can become not only a people pleaser, but a perfectionist and all of that, which we're also gonna get into in this episode.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: But if you pair like the people pleasing tendencies that you learned from the trauma when you were young with low feelings of self-worth or low, you know, self-love, you really have the perfect combo of people pleasing.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So if you grew up in like a household that required you to always seek validation or you were told to always give to others before attending to yourself, chances are you have a bit of people-pleasing tendencies, but also perfection, which we're gonna dive into later.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: So the problem with people pleasing is that the pleasers have a deep desire to be liked, loved, appreciated, and often they're gonna put, you know, others' wants before your own needs and receive praise for doing something.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: So this is key.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: You receive praise for doing all of these things.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: So the sense of validation is actually what encourages people pleasers to keep on giving because it leaves them with you know that feeling of like, oh, you did this, you did that, but then you actually end up burning out and you have resentment in the end, which is not what we want, right?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so you think about it like a like a disease to please, and this can quickly become like a very unhealthy, codependent behavior.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, what are some of the dangers in terms of becoming a people pleaser and like why is it bad?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm sure there's some of you asking, you know, isn't people pleasing like kind?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't it helpful?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Don't we want to do things for others?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And this is not about not doing things for others, but are your efforts to please other people getting too extreme?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: So this is like a few signs that you're you might be in like the danger zone, if you want to think about it, when it comes to people pleasing.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So you can't bear the thought of letting someone down, even though you know it's good to say no in this instance.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: You start feeling resentful of the very people you are working overtime to please.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: You tell white lies to ward off discomfort or an angry reaction, you let others take advantage of you frequently.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: You don't go against the crowd out of fear of what other people think.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so all of these signs are an indication that part of you might need to, you know, you might be addicted to the rush of feeling loved, needed, accepted, or useful.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: So don't beat yourself up.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like there is a reason you're feeling this way, and like I said, most oftentimes this comes from early childhood, and you did not get the love or affection that you needed as a child.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: You might have been neglected, you might have, you know, been taught that the only way to get love is to exist for everybody else.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: You never like really knew that there was any other way.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so the danger of becoming a people pleaser is really what keeps you from feeling authentic love, and what keeps you from feeling self-love and self-worth and self-esteem, because again, if we have self-love and self-worth, then we tend to not overextend in people please.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: So there's also like a lot of physical side effects that I just want to touch on when it comes to people pleasing, because oftentimes people don't realize that people pleasing can actually come with physical side effects.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Number one is gut health.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're struggling with bloating, constipation, poor gut health, cramping, all of this, people pleasing.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and that's the number one thing when people like think about healing their gut, they're like, they do the supplements, they do that, but they don't think about to cut out the people pleasing.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: You work wonders when you cut the people pleasing.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Trouble sleeping at night, um, anxiety, like I said, extreme bloat after meals, um, itchy, dry patches of skin, um, a sugar addiction that never quits.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so I remember when I was healing for people pleasing, I realized how intertwined my people pleasing behavior and physical ailments are, and that's why we touch on people pleasing in both goddess activation and well-nourished, because you need to heal people pleasing in order to have like good gut health and everything like that.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and obviously to be embodied and have deep self-love, you need to get over the need to please other people because, like we learned, your need to please other people comes from a lack of love and feeling like you didn't get enough growing up.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: So in goddess activation, we learn to heal that, and we also do that in well-nourished.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I really encourage you to examine what you're experiencing in your life and see if it can be tracked traced back to people pleasing behavior in some way.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because oftentimes the physical symptoms that we experience have an emotional root cause.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Also, like the good news is that you can heal, like you can learn to say no, you can unravel like the root trauma and everything like that, whether it is in well-nourished or goddess, you can learn to do it in both, um, depending on what's a better fit for you.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean it was actually really crazy because they've done studies and they found that those who tend to people please are often like holding on to excess weight due to overindulging in food as a negative coping mechanism.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: So if you if you feel like you've struggled with a sugar addiction, you're probably some sort of people pleaser on some level.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And like a way to cope with those feelings of being constantly emotionally short-changed is to use food, right?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because emotionally healthy individuals feel good and you know, they don't need the approval of, you know, partner, friends, children, families, boss to do the right thing and and to engage in behaviors that they enjoy.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if they get it, all well and good, but if not, so what?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: So healthy people might get upset, you know, when they don't feel valued or appreciated, but they like don't rely on that as a need for external validation.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like the icing on the cake.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And this is like what I like to, if you're in goddess or well nourished, you know I talk about this.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: It should be the cherry on top.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: So the validation, the love that you get from others is the icing on the cake, is the cherry on top.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make you or break you.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: However, if you are, you know, a people pleaser and you're regularly undervalued, then this is gonna start, you know, really challenging your worth and challenging who you are as a person.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you've built your whole life around seeking approval and acceptance, it's really devastating when you don't get it, and it can send you into kind of like a downward spiral or tailspin that's difficult to recover from.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: This can then also lead to things like anxiety, depression, um, and or like a working tirelessly and like the never doing enough or never having enough, you know, mentality, because otherwise you put yourself at risk for feeling disappointed, worthless, empty, you know, all of these things.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so you get stuck really in this vicious spiral and cycle.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so thinking about what we need to do in order to like avoid or lessen these feelings, whether it is, you know, coping with you know emotional eating, which we work a lot in well-nourished, or whether it is just um whether you're coping in other different ways, the reason that you go to whether it's food or maybe alcohol, something like that, is well, if no one's going to reward me, I'll just reward myself with the treat.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you can't fill up on compliments, you're gonna end up filling yourself up on calories.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so people can disappoint you, but food never will.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: So what the heck?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so you tell yourself, I deserve something good to eat, which is of course the truth, but not a great way to decide whether to have pizza or not, right?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because sure you deserve to be loved, but that has nothing to do with, you know, with food or why you're indulging on like why you're eating maybe like chocolate cake with like refined sugar as opposed to, you know, avocado or something like that.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: So when you really believe that you are deserving, food doesn't enter into the equation because your reward of your own good feelings about yourself is enough.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll repeat that one more time.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: When you really believe that you are deserving, food does not enter the equation because your reward is whether your own good feelings about yourself are enough.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why it's so important to cultivate deep self-love and deep self-worth, because it's gonna translate not only your health, but your relationships and all of this stuff.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because food will really fill that void left by a lack of approval, but only temporarily, right?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you're done eating, you're still left with the empty feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and then you know, now you mistrust yourself for eating when you weren't hungry or overeating, and then this just kind of sends you into a spiral because you're still yearning for some sort of external reinforcement that's now compounded by the problem by not focusing on really what you were supposed to do to make yourself feel better, and instead you've sent yourself more into this vicious cycle instead of like you know, um accepting and seeking approval from within.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why it's so important to work on people pleasing behavior, whether it comes from like a health perspective to fix your gut health, anxiety, skin, whether it's also to let go of excess weight, to you know, feel better in your body, to feel more energized, to feel more peaceful, to feel more love, all of these things you need to heal from people pleasing.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: And going along with people pleasing is of course perfectionism.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: So technically, like they're they're semi-tendic tied together.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like people who tend to be perfectionists tend to be people pleasers, but then you want to almost like people please into perfection.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So basically, during your your formative years when you're younger, perfectionism basically you received conditional acceptance.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: I will love you if, um, or I'll give love to you if.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: And your parents may have not said, I will give love to you if, but they coincidentally may have only offered you love and acceptance conditionally, whether you made the soccer team, whether you got good grades, whether you I don't know did XYZ.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, you know, we tend to only gain like uh love and acceptance, and our parents get overexcited or show these things when we quote unquote do good or do things.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: But what we actually need to do is build an environment of acceptance through empathy, encouragement, self-compassion, self-reflection.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: So if if you like recorded the chatter in your mind, you'd think, you know, you're supposed to be perfect, right?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: If only I were better this, you know, what have I, if only I could do this, I should have known better, I should do this, I should do that.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: And unfortunately, our mind really runs on these old belief systems that are designed to not keep you happy, but to keep you safe, right?
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, the reason you have these people pleasing perfections and tendencies is that you learned when you were younger, oh, if I do this X, Y, Z, if I do these things and I do them perfectly, mummy or daddy will give me love.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: So they're designed to keep you safe because then it's gonna keep you receiving love.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: However, it's not realistic because these measures are not going to be sustainable long term.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: So even tying perfectionism back to like eating and stuff like that, um, or emotional eating, an obvious way that like perfectionism drives you to overeat is that you use food again to cope with stress.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: So just like you used food to cope with people pleasing, you can see how like perfectionism itself is very stressful.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll paint you guys a picture of like kind of how this progresses, right?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because the harder you work to be perfect, the more overwhelmed you'll feel.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know, the to-do list is so long, you know, being perfect mom, wife, whatever it is.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the more overwhelmed you feel, the more you want to eat, right?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so you eat to slow down, chill out, make time for yourself, recharge your battery, nourish yourself, everything like that.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, you could do all these things without food, but if you're relying on food in order to take away those feelings of overwhelm because of your perfectionism tendencies that tend to make your to-do list so long, or all the things you need to quote unquote do so long, you're gonna be stuck in this vicious cycle.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so perfectionism works also in two other great ways regarding food.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, not surprising, you might want to be like a perfect eater, for example, whether it's to always eat like perfectly clean or within a certain calorie range.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I noticed that a lot of people like this comes when people are like balancing, not balancing, but like counting macros or counting calories.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they're always trying to eat within this calorie range or count, you know, these macros, or do that.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so what happens is like you get stuck, right?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: And your desire to be perfect within this calorie range and not like, oh, it has to fit these calories, and if I go over these calories, then I have lack of self-worth, or if the macros aren't perfect, then I have lack of self-esteem or lack of self-worth.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: And the desires are actually part from like a psychic like depriving yourself, and part of the physiological reason is because your body wants to have that quote unquote perfectionism that you've learned growing up.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then another way that perfectionism impacts eating is that you know, all of us need to have somewhere to make a quote unquote mess, and you might unconsciously choose that area to be food.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, like no one can be you no one can be perfect all the time, right?
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're trying to be perfect in every other area of your life, the place you might break free is eating.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: So we could also say, like, you know, overeating that, you know, that might be your one like you know vice.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: That might be the point you cut out all perfectionism because you have so much trouble maintaining perfectionism being a mom, you know, work and everything like that, that this is the only point, like you can't, you know, control it, and so you kind of let go, and then it turns into this whole like overeating binge cycle, etc.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: So striving perfection is another way of saying that you don't know when enough is enough, right?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of consciously deciding to stop doing, you arrive at quote unquote enough when you hit a raw raw wall, um, reach exhaustion, or there's basically nothing left to accomplish.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: So, kind of like a a blind person, you know, feeling their way through life, you basically rely on these external cues to find your way to feel sufficient rather than responding to that innate sense of inadequacy in dentist from within yourself.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: So you keep on saying yes while wanting to feel good, satisfied, full, whole, complete, but that never happens because there's generally more that can always be done, right?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Chores, helping people, goals to reach, food to eat, you know, laundry, this, that.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: There's there's always gonna be more to do in life.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like no one's ever gonna be physically done.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: And the fact is, enough is not the same as like a pre-adescent endpoint that comes from self-satisfaction and acceptance, right?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you fully like accept yourself, then you're not gonna tie your worth to whether you can get all these things done and you're not gonna overload your list.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: Which I'm gonna get into kind of like the dangers of like overworking busyness and the to-do-ness um in a few like in a minute, but I want to finish off this whole like perfectionism thing because striving for perfection and not knowing when to take a break or when to, you know, not overload yourself is similar to not knowing when to stop eating and kind of like overindulging, um, you know, emotionally eating and everything like that.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: You you keep on chewing and swallowing and stop only when like you like are past the f point of fullness or like physically can't eat anymore.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's how like perfectionism and overeating are both manifestations of the same thing, right?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Perfectionism and overeating are both manifestations of self regulation difficulties and a kind of like not feeling enough, not feeling adequate, etc.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully that all makes sense, and this is definitely tied to.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: The notion of overeating and always being busy, right?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because we tend to make our long our long lists of to-do lists, you know, overworking.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because if we were to actually slow down, if we were to actually not be busy, we would then have to deal with those feelings of loneliness, deal with those feelings of inadequacy, deal with those feelings of lack of self-worth.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so even when we're not busy, when we actually slow down, it's like, no, no, no, I don't want to feel those things, those emotions come up.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then in order to not deal with them, you might go to the cupboard or you might go to alcohol or something like this.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so we see that like we use the should do things.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we use the perfectionism as a crutch to hide these things so that we're always doing laundry, doing chores, we're overworking, you know, working until bedtime.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: But then if we actually slow down, then we feel those feelings and we're like, oh no, we don't want to feel those feelings, and then we go to food.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: So we can really see like how this all kind of goes together and why um to-do lists that are long is also tied to worthiness, right?
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, whether you are a people pleaser, perfectionist, a combo of both, it comes from low self-worth.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because your worth is coming from doing something or being a certain way.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you might think, oh, a good wife or a good mom always has the house clean, a good person does this, a good person does that, or a good person is this, a good person is that.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And your worthiness is all tied to that, and then when you can't be perfectly perfect, as nobody can, then we go to emotional eating, or then we go to drinking, everything like that.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so it all becomes this one big, what is it called, like a whirlpool, a black hole of mess.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why it's so important, whether you're thinking about it from a health perspective, a relationship perspective, you need to heal your worthiness and you need to heal that people-pleasing perfectionism, and that's why, like I said, it's part of both goddess activation and well-nourished.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, obviously, well-nourished is longer, so we do a lot um more releasing in the live calls because there's only one call for goddess, but that's why we focus in it for both.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you are a people pleaser, perfectionism, if you have low self-worth, you're engaging in negative self-talk, not only are your relationships gonna suffer, you're not gonna be able to feel good, you're not gonna be able to attract and manifest, you know, abundance and greater things into your life, but it's also gonna manifest in your skin, in your gut health, in your weight, and all of this kind of thing.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you need to heal it.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end of the day, worthiness and all of this comes from you not learning that love was unconditional, and you need to basically relearn that my worthiness, like I'm worthy just because I am, and love isn't conditional.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Love is unconditional, and it's about coming back and giving that unconditional love to yourself.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: And as much as I wish that I could like teach you guys in one single podcast episode how to do that, um, that is what you know, goddess activation and well-nourish are for.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: So if you struggle with any of these or even with like trouble setting boundaries, because that's also tied to people pleasing.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: I did do a whole boundaries episode, so I would go back and listen to that one as well.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: Getting yourself into well-nourished or goddess activation is going to be key for you if you want to heal from all of these things and put them to bed to rest, because it allows us to go into your childhood things and release all the different like programmings, relearning, we break the habits, and you get all of this stuff that's gonna help you dive deep into all of this and help you unlearn it and basically activate you to a new frequency.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope you guys found this useful.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: If you have any questions about anything I said, definitely let me know.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, thank you guys so much for listening.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you did enjoy this episode, I would love it if you could live, leave, live, huh?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm live.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: Leave a five-star rating and review.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: It really helps the discover uh the podcast to be discovered, and it helps me to continue to bring value to you guys each and every week.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I love, you know, getting to share all these messages and help more and more people.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: So the more reviews you guys leave, then the more people I can find this podcast, and the more people I can help with all of this.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you guys so so much.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate each and every one of you, and I will talk to you guys in the next episode.