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why healing your mental health feels so lonely · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Healing your mental health can be one of the loneliest
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  experiences of your life. But that doesn't make any sense,
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  because healing is supposed to make you feel better, right?
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  A lot of people expect healing to be immediate relief and
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  clarity and peace, but for so many of us, it actually feels
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  like distance. Distance from people who no
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  longer fit into our lives. Distance from the old version of
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  ourselves. Distance from the feelings that
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  used to haunt us so deeply late at night.
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  My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
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  Feelings. When you start healing, you stop
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  numbing yourself in the same ways that you used to.
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  When you start healing, you stop accepting the same disrespect
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  from yourself and from others that you used to.
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  And when you begin to distance yourself from those same things
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  that used to hurt you, you suddenly feel alone.
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  You stop distracting yourself so much.
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  You stop avoiding certain feelings.
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  You stop ignoring certain patterns.
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  And when you do that, things get quiet, that uncomfortable quiet
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  where you're alone with your thoughts way more than you used
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  to be. And suddenly you feel alone.
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  You feel alone in that quiet because you've been so used to
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  distracting yourself. You've been so used to
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  constantly moving, trying to avoid those feelings.
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  Healing also changes the way that you relate to people.
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  So many of us find connection within that pain, or we settled
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  within dynamics that are based around survival and chaos and
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  mental health issues. And even if those dynamics
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  weren't healthy, losing them can still hurt.
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  Distancing yourself from people who do not align with your
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  healing journey. And it's difficult, and it's
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  something that I've had to do over and over again.
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  You might find yourself feeling misunderstood, like the people
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  around you don't quite get this version of you yet.
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  When you're suddenly saying no to plans, when you're choosing
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  yourself, you change. And that is necessary to heal.
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  You haven't been choosing yourself for a long time.
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  You've been putting other people's feelings, other
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  people's wants above yours over and over and over again.
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  And in that process, you lost yourself, or at least lost a
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  really big piece of yourself. And now you're trying to piece
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  that back together. You're choosing yourself again.
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  And that feels lonely. That feels confusing.
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  That feels like a new feeling. It feels isolating and you're
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  not quite sure what to do about it.
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  But you're doing the right thing.
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  Choosing yourself is not only healthy, it is necessary for you
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  to heal. You have to be able to say no to
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  people. You have to be able to put
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  yourself first. You are the most important
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  relationship that you have, so you should take care of that.
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  You should put yourself first, even if it's a little bit
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  uncomfortable because you deserve to heal.
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  No one can actually see the work that you're doing.
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  They don't see you choosing to not react.
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  They don't see you sitting with your emotions instead of running
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  from them. They don't see the conversations
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  that you're having with yourself in your head.
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  So from the outside, it looks like nothing's happening, but on
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  the inside, everything is shifting, and that disconnect
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  between your inner world and the outer one can feel really
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  lonely. There's also this lonely in
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  between limbo that you become stuck in when you're healing.
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  You're not who you used to be, but you're not at a destination
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  yet because healing doesn't truly have a destination.
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  So it can start to feel like you're stuck in the middle part.
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  It can start to feel like you're stuck between who you used to be
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  and who you're becoming. Old coping mechanisms don't work
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  anymore, but new ones just don't feel natural yet.
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  So you're just here in the middle, and the middle is quiet.
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  The middle is lonely, the middle is uncomfortable.
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  But that's where the growth actually happens.
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  Because healing isn't a straight line towards happiness, it's a
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  step away from familiarity. The same old patterns that have
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  been keeping you in the same place for so long.
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  And familiarity, even when it hurts, even when it's
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  uncomfortable, feels less lonely than change.
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  So if healing feels lonely right now, I want you to hear this.
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  It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong, it means you're
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  doing something honest. And you need to start accepting
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  the fact that you are just putting yourself 1st and this is
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  a feeling that you're not used to.
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  And if you stick with it, you will become used to it.
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  Trust me, I've been there. I remember when I first started
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  my healing journey a few years ago, I thought I was doing
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  something wrong because I felt so lonely.
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  But slowly that loneliness turned into comfort and slowly I
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  began to form new connections, both with myself and with other
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  people. This podcast has been one of the
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  biggest blessings of my healing journey because I feel so
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  connected to all of you. I feel so connected to the fact
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  that you sit here and listen with me every single week.
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  You all make me feel not alone in this community is amazing.
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  So now I'm going to transition to the second part of this
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  episode where I tell you that Fridays episode will be my 100th
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  episode of Feel Your Feelings with Ethan Jewel.
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  That's right, 100 episodes of feeling our feelings, talking
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  about mental health. It absolutely blows my mind and
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  I'm so thankful that I've gotten to do this 100 times.
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  So I wanted to do something kind of special to celebrate that.
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  And I realized I've never done any kind of Q&A.
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  I've never gotten to know you all better.
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  So whether this is your first time listening or your 100th
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  time listening, please drop me a comment and ask me anything
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  about mental health. You could ask me questions about
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  myself or questions about the healing journey.
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  Questions about life, anything that you want to ask?
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  I would love to have the 100th episode be this community coming
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  together and just talking. You all have done so much for me
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  in my healing journey. So I would love to answer your
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  questions and I would love to start the conversation around
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  mental health, which has always been my goal from day one.
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  I want to remind you, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychologist,
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  I'm not a professional in the mental health industry
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  whatsoever. But I want to start the
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  conversation because I've felt some big feelings I've hurt for
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  the last six years and I've learned a lot.
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  So let's talk about it. Drop me your comments and I'll
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  be answering a bunch of them this Friday.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for 100 episodes. That is absolutely mind blowing
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  and it makes me feel a little less alone in my healing
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  journey. And I want to remind you that
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  you are not alone in your healing journey.
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  You are just becoming somebody new.
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  You are leaving behind those old habits and that is something
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  special. Thank you for understanding
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  that. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.