Latest / ABCs of Parenting Adult Children / The Secret to Confident Kids / Mic Takeover by Special Guest, Jody Hill

Transcript

The Secret to Confident Kids / Mic Takeover by Special Guest, Jody Hill · ABCs of Parenting Adult Children

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: This may sound controversial, but one of the best parenting moves I ever made was letting my 10-year-old daughter get lost in an airport.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: You are listening to the ABCs of Parenting Adult Children podcast, and I, Jodie Hill, have stolen the mic from James for this episode to share with you how you can raise kids with the kind of confidence that actually sticks, the kind that doesn't crumble when life gets hard.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: And don't worry, I will hand the mic back.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Jodie Hill, Mama of Four, speaker and best-selling author of the Parent Secret Superpower, Raising Confident and Capable Kids.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're going to dive into one of my favorite strategies for doing exactly that.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, I will come back to the airport story, I promise.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: But first, I need to say something that I think a lot of you might need to hear.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get to it.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I want to get honest for a few minutes.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: There are a lot of parents carrying around a quiet guilt that they don't talk about much.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: It goes something like this: You love your kids fiercely.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: You want the absolute best for them.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: You want to raise them to be confident, capable, kind humans who handle whatever life throws at them.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: You want to speak lovingly all the time and be kind and always have a soft, encouraging tone.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're not a slouch.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: You've maybe got a few goals.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then real life happens.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: You snap when you didn't mean to, you say something too sharp in a moment of frustration.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: You swoop in and fix something you probably should have let them figure out.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: You raise your voice when you didn't want to.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You lecture them for the silly mistakes they made.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Then at the end of the day, you fall into bed mentally exhausted, physically exhausted, but still scrolling Instagram.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And in the quiet of the night, you're left wondering if you're doing any of this right.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And you go to sleep feeling like you fell short again.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Does that feel familiar?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, nobody hands us a manual for this parenting thing, and it is hard.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I want you to know: your mess-ups and mistakes are not character flaws.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: That is not a sign that you're a bad parent.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's being human.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And oftentimes how we show up with our kids is all we know how to do.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's simply just a knowledge gap.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: That is one reason why I am here today.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's what I know we all want, whether our kids are two or 17.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: We want a kid who at three years old gets told, I don't want you to be my friend anymore on the playground.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of crumbling, looks that kid in the eye and keeps playing.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: A kid who, when a friend group turns on them in middle school, doesn't fall apart.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: A kid who gets cut from the team or fails an important test and still knows at their core that they are capable and they are enough.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: A kid who scrolls social media and doesn't lose themselves in the comparison.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: A kid who walks into a room full of strangers and isn't undone by it and can hold their own.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: That is a child with a rooted identity.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: That is a child with confidence.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And that kind of confidence doesn't come from trophies or perfect grades or a highlight reel.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's built at home in the everyday moments.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And we as their parents are a massive part of that.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: We do this with our words.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the truth that changed everything for me.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: The challenges your kids will face are inevitable.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: But unfortunately, we can't protect them from the hard things.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: But what we can do is help them build the confidence to face those challenges.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the most powerful tool we have to do that, that's our words.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a parent, you have this superpower.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And today I'm going to show you one of my favorite ways on exactly how to use it.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: I want to share with you the superpower strategy number two from my power parent method.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's called empower them for their own missions.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let's start with a confession that is a little embarrassing, shall we?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: So after I got my driver's license at 18 and started driving on my own, I was genuinely nervous about one thing.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: And it was pumping gas.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know it sounds ridiculous, but I had never actually done it myself.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'd sort of watch my parents do it over the years.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they flipped part of the nozzle holder, sometimes they pressed different buttons, sometimes they went inside with cash first.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea how any of it actually worked.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And because I didn't know, pumping gas became a real source of anxiety every single time I saw my tank getting low.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, to be fair, it's possible my parents showed me once and I just don't remember.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I know for certain: if even one of them had walked me through the whole process, made sure I felt confident, and handed that skill over to me, it never would have been a big deal.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: That is a small example of what happens when we don't empower our kids for the real world.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I also have the flip side of the story.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: When I was young, our family took a trip and we were at the airport, which was a big, exciting, rare thing for us.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of just herding us through, my dad stopped.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: He pulled out our boarding passes, yes, paper boarding passes.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: He showed me how each flight had its own number and gate.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: He walked me over to the departure monitors and taught me exactly how to look up flight, check status, find gate changes, send our luggage, where carousels were we picking up all the things and where we needed to go.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I felt so capable in that moment, so equipped.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And years later, the first time I flew alone, I wasn't nervous.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't overwhelmed.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I knew exactly what to do.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that one conversation with my dad in an airport gave me the tools and the confidence to navigate that on my own.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: That is the difference between doing things for your kids and empowering them to do things for themselves.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: If we want our kids to be successful human beings, we have to set them up for success.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: They will never learn if we always do it for them.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Empowering them for their own missions means we take an intentional and active role in teaching, showing, and demonstrating something so they can learn.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: There may be some trial and error, and eventually they'll be able to walk in confidence doing it on their own.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I actually got to do this fast forward many years later with my own daughter London.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: And now, as promised, here is the airport story.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: So when London turned 10, I took her on a birthday trip, just the two of us, and I decided to do for her exactly what my dad had done for me all those years ago at the airport.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of leading the way and having her follow, I showed her the ropes first, how to read the departure boards, how to find her gate, how to find a spot when our gate changes, and then I handed it over to her.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: I let her lead.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: She made a wrong turn or two.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: We may have had to backtrack, but she figured it out.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And by the time we got to our gate, she had navigated the airport almost entirely on her own.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: The look on her face told me everything.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: She wasn't just proud that she got us there.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: She walked away from the airport, believing something new about herself, that she could figure things out, that she was capable, that hard and unfamiliar things were worth trying.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And she knew that I had her back.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: My dad gave me that gift without even knowing the impact it would have.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I got to give it to my daughter on purpose.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: That is what empowering your kids looks like in real life.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, empowering your kids looks a little different depending on where they are developmentally.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: So let me give you a quick picture across the ages.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: For toddlers and preschoolers age one through five, start incredibly small.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Let your one and a half year old carry their little piece of trash to the garbage can.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Let them push the laundry basket, hand them a paper towel towel after meals, and let them wipe their own spot.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's slow, it's messy, it doesn't matter.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: You are building something in them.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: And when they do it, even imperfectly, celebrate it like it's the biggest deal in the world.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because to them it is.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: For your six to 11-year-olds, this is prime time for real life skills.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let them pack their own lunch.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Let them pay at the register and figure out the change.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let them start a load of laundry.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: When you bring them into a new task, say something like this.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to show you how to do this.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm going to let you try.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here if you have any questions.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: I know you got this.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Then step back and let them, even let them fumble a bit because that is how they learn what not to do.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And for your tweens and teens, this is about real-world readiness.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Guessing up a car, make a doctor's appointment, cook an actual meal, navigate the airport.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: These are not optional life skills.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: They are the foundation of adult confidence.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And the language you use matters.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is something you're going to need to know.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I know you can figure it out.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let me show you, and then it's yours.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is not a child who needs you to do everything for them.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: The goal is a young adult who moves into the world knowing they can handle what comes their way because you spent years proving to them that they could.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: How we interact with our kids and speak to them is so powerful.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I call our words a superpower and wrote a whole book on how to practically use that superpower.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then now, of course, to equip parents all the more on doing this.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: The cool thing about showing up with our kids in this way is that it doesn't just impact their confidence.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: They begin to shift and show up in new ways for others.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Before I wrap this up, I have this story that I have to share with you.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: So last year, my six-year-old son at the time finally took an interest in riding something other than his scooter.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: So soon enough, he got the hang of riding a balanced bike, which is a bike with no pedals, and it was time to level up to a real bicycle.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: I scored a Spider-Man bike for him.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Cool mom points right there.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then when he saw it the next morning, he was so excited.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: On the way to school, I asked if he wanted to try learning how to ride it after school, and he enthusiastically said, Yes.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Seeing his excitement, I wanted to prepare him gently so he wouldn't be discouraged if it took a few tries.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: It took one of his sisters a couple days to learn, and there were definitely some dramatic wipeouts along the way.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: But before I could say a word, his sister Ember beat me to it.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: She said something along the lines of, Phoenix, you're gonna do so great.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: I can help you.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna get it on the first try.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: She was brimming with confidence on his behalf.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was speechless.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: On one hand, I didn't want to contradict her enthusiastic pep talk.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: On the other, I didn't want him crushed if he didn't nail it immediately.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I found a middle ground and said something along the lines of, you've already learned the hardest part, balancing with some determination.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: I know you'll get it.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So after school, he bolted to his new bike.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: We walked to the edge of the driveway where a little incline would help him get started.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And on his very first try, he started riding.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Wobbly, yes.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: But he did it, and I was completely floored.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: That moment, it made me wonder: was he just naturally talented at riding a bike the first time?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or was it the unwavering belief in himself fueled by his sister's encouragement that made the difference?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'll let you decide.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what a friend pointed out when I was sharing the story with her.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't the one who spoke the words that built his confidence.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: His sister did.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And where did she learn to speak that kind of life into someone?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: She learned that in my home.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: That is the ripple effect of this work.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: The words you pour into your kids won't just shape them.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: They'll ripple out to their siblings, their friends, their future children, and generations to come.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: That is the power of your words.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you find yourself in that place where you know your words matter, but you're not always confident in how to use them.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: You've read the book, scrolled Instagram, downloaded the apps, and you're still left wondering if you're doing enough or if you're doing it right.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or, God forbid, what if you truly have the best intentions but are unintentionally hindering your child's confidence?
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly why I created the Confident Kids Audio Course, Unlocking Your Parenting Superpower.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: It gives you what you need to confidently step into the everyday moments with your child, knowing what to do and what not to do, to raise a confident kid that the world can't shake.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: The course gives you my power parent method, which is the nine simple strategies, including the one I just shared with you, to do just that.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's applicable from toddlers to teens, and each strategy includes practical ways you can apply it to your specific age child.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just 14 short but powerful missions, each about 15 minutes, and you can listen to them anywhere in the car, on a walk, during your commute, in the carpal line.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a 47-step system, and it's not about being perfect.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's about having the knowledge and the tools to show up for your kids in the moments that matter.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you're tired of hoping your kid just magically gains confidence on their own, this is for you.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: If you want your child to have a rooted identity that the world can't shake, this is for them.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you're done guessing whether you're saying it right, this is for you.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: The course is officially live, though the cart is not open indefinitely.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: We will be closing the doors in a few days, so don't wait on starting your kids' confidence journey.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: The link to learn more and to get immediate access right now is in the show notes.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening to this after the cart is closed, no worries.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: I have created a wait list and you'll be the first to hear when it opens again.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Probably not until the next year.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: So don't miss your chance.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much to your favorite podcaster for letting me hop in here and make sure to come back for the next episode that they are about to release.