Latest / Gospel Tech with Nathan Sutherland / Did I Damage My Kid?

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Did I Damage My Kid? · Gospel Tech with Nathan Sutherland

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Speaker 1: Purposely, your life, God's purpose. More podcasts at purposely.com. Did
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Speaker 1: I damage my kid? This is a question that comes
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Speaker 1: up in the heart of loving parents as we think
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Speaker 1: through the technology we've given our kids and then seeing
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Speaker 1: bad outcomes. We talk a lot about how we know
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Speaker 1: if it's healthy. We look at a reset, relationships, emotion, sleep, enjoyment, time.
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Speaker 1: We talk about building hedges. So we put boundaries around
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Speaker 1: our devices and our network. We have meaningful conversations with
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Speaker 1: our kids about the content that we're going to consume,
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Speaker 1: when we use it, where we use it, what kind
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Speaker 1: of content can we use. And we tell them repeatedly,
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Speaker 1: we love you, we will give you good gifts, and
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Speaker 1: if anything bad ever happens, you come to us. We're
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Speaker 1: not going to be mad at you. We're not going
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Speaker 1: to punish you for the sake of seeing you suffer.
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Speaker 1: We're going to lovingly provide you good gifts and remove
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Speaker 1: things that hurt you or others. We do all that.
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Speaker 1: And then we step back and watch and we go, okay,
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Speaker 1: it was safe. My kid was ready, but I don't
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Speaker 1: think the fruit is good. Like, did I damage my kid?
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Speaker 1: Did I provide them with something that caused lasting harm
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Speaker 1: in their life and that I as a parent have
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Speaker 1: failed at? And I just, I want to encourage you
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Speaker 1: in this because there is a reality to helpful and
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Speaker 1: unhelpful technology. There just is. Like many things, we can
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Speaker 1: get better and worse outcomes. In society, we recognize this
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Speaker 1: when we put things like speed limits in. It's not
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Speaker 1: that bad people go fast. It's that cars that go
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Speaker 1: fast stop slower. There is a reality to that in tech.
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Speaker 1: There is tech that gives us a better, what would
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Speaker 1: I say? It gives us a better buffer between our
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Speaker 1: children and harmful things. That's just true. But in the
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Speaker 1: same way that if you get in a car wreck
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Speaker 1: that doesn't make you a bad person, even if someone
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Speaker 1: got hurt, that doesn't ruin your potential. It does create obstacles.
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Speaker 1: It causes injuries to yourself or others. It might cause
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Speaker 1: financial costs. Similarly, there are realities to technological introductions that
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Speaker 1: might bring hardships that have to be dealt with. So
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Speaker 1: I want to recognize that. I'm not saying the hard
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Speaker 1: things you're experiencing, they didn't happen because of tech. Maybe
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Speaker 1: they did. I'm speaking directly into those situations, either the
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Speaker 1: ones that might happen in the future, the ones that
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Speaker 1: have already happened in the past. And I want to
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Speaker 1: encourage you as a parent to remember, it's never too
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Speaker 1: light to fight for your child. That your child's true
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Speaker 1: identity is not harm from tech or never having experienced
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Speaker 1: poor tech, but Their identity is in Christ through faith,
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Speaker 1: and that makes them the valuable creation that God has
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Speaker 1: designed them to be. And then as parents, we can
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Speaker 1: parent towards their gifts. So with these three in mind,
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Speaker 1: the encouragement today is not to laissez-faire your tech and
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Speaker 1: just go, well, whatever, God's got it. We wouldn't do
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Speaker 1: that with cars or substances or anything else. We would
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Speaker 1: lovingly parent and recognize at the end of the day,
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Speaker 1: This will be a conversation between God, our child, and
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Speaker 1: eventually the U.S. government, but that we want them to
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Speaker 1: be all that God has designed them to be so
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Speaker 1: we can parent with that in mind. So if you
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Speaker 1: have a 17-year-old who's about to launch and you're like, ooh,
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Speaker 1: wish we had done things differently seven years ago, but
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Speaker 1: this tech conversation just wasn't where it is now. Hear this.
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Speaker 1: This is an encouragement for you. You get to keep parenting.
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Speaker 1: They don't turn 18 and not need parents anymore. You're
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Speaker 1: going to keep loving them. Step into that. Or if
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Speaker 1: they're a seven-year-old and you might have given them tech
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Speaker 1: and gone, yeah, I don't like where this is headed.
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Speaker 1: I wonder. I get it. In fact, I was at
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Speaker 1: every talk I've done since this summer. A parent has
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Speaker 1: asked me, have I damaged my kid? And the first
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Speaker 1: one stands out most poignantly. A dad in a blended
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Speaker 1: family goes, man, we gave our oldest a smartphone when
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Speaker 1: he was nine. Like, did I damage him? And the
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Speaker 1: answer is no. Like, that's the short version. You did
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Speaker 1: not break your child. Now, has that child experienced some
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Speaker 1: trauma that might need to be dealt with and may
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Speaker 1: have some negative habits in dealing with emotions and relationships
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Speaker 1: and expectations and adventure and sleep? Maybe, I don't know.
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Speaker 1: But there's a reason we don't give nine-year-old smartphones because
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Speaker 1: there's a lot that goes with the smartphone. So lovingly
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Speaker 1: continue to fight for your child. Don't just go, oh,
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Speaker 1: damage done. Like if it is harmful and you do
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Speaker 1: know that, let's step into it. So let's hear this encouragement, parents.
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Speaker 1: that should encourage us towards action, not towards passivity. First,
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Speaker 1: it's never too late. Again, the examples I've heard, we
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Speaker 1: gave our child a smartphone too early. They were exposed
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Speaker 1: to online unsafe images really early, either accidentally because they
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Speaker 1: were just scrolling and the safety settings weren't where we'd
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Speaker 1: want them to be, or they clicked on an ad
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Speaker 1: or the ad just popped up and we didn't ask
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Speaker 1: for it, or they're at a friend's house or an
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Speaker 1: older sibling or a stranger. Like, unsafe images come across
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Speaker 1: our children's eyes, unfortunately. Or maybe they've been playing video
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Speaker 1: games in an unhealthy way for a while and you've
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Speaker 1: seen that pivot and it's just continued to grow. It's
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Speaker 1: affecting their life. Maybe they've got drool tech in their bedroom.
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Speaker 1: There's screens and TVs and tablets and gaming consoles. And
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Speaker 1: you have done this for a while and now we're
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Speaker 1: coming to grips with, you know what, maybe there is
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Speaker 1: a need for a change. Keep in mind that none
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Speaker 1: of these things affect your child's value. Yes, certainly some obstacles,
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Speaker 1: some things to overcome, a different way to live their lives.
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Speaker 1: Trust me, some of us did all of the things
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Speaker 1: that we were told to do at that time and
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Speaker 1: still had to make changes as adults because we love
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Speaker 1: living a free and wholesome life. And sometimes that means
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Speaker 1: we cut off some of the technology that distracts us
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Speaker 1: from that. So that isn't... your fault as a parent,
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Speaker 1: your opportunity as a parent in this season is to
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Speaker 1: step into where they are right now. So recognize there
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Speaker 1: is in fact better and worse for our children. We
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Speaker 1: don't do this just based on how we feel about it,
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Speaker 1: but actually on the product. There are things like a
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Speaker 1: good night's sleep is better than one that's interrupted or
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Speaker 1: what would I say, artificially shortened. It's just better for
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Speaker 1: a child that will get a better product. It's better
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Speaker 1: for their body. Time is in nature is better than
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Speaker 1: time overstimulated with technology. If you're just going one to one,
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Speaker 1: what's going to be better for your child's development? If
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Speaker 1: you had to pick one state to live in, you
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Speaker 1: would be better off in the pace of nature side.
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Speaker 1: It's better to have a caring, real person in your
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Speaker 1: life than it is to have a relational AI that's
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Speaker 1: designed around engagement. And we can say this because the
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Speaker 1: better things bring flourishing. They produce both good fruit for
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Speaker 1: the individual, like love, joy, and self-control, and they produce
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Speaker 1: good outcomes for that individual as they accomplish their own
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Speaker 1: goals and seek to achieve their full potential. They're going
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Speaker 1: to do better at school. They're going to be better
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Speaker 1: at sports. They're going to be a better friend. They're
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Speaker 1: going to be more content. They're going to be more present.
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Speaker 1: They're going to be mentally and physically and spiritually healthier.
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Speaker 1: That is better. So while we can say, yes, there's
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Speaker 1: better tech, we're not saying that poor tech use or
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Speaker 1: poor tech habits or poor tech experience somehow makes you
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Speaker 1: worth less. Instead, we remember, this is the Second thing, first,
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Speaker 1: we remember it's never too late to be great. The
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Speaker 1: phrase that I use a lot in public school talks is,
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Speaker 1: it's never too late to be great. There are choices
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Speaker 1: in front of us, and we are going to assume
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Speaker 1: people have done the wrong things. They might have even
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Speaker 1: done them on purpose, and they probably did them repeatedly.
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Speaker 1: What do we do now? The gospel tells us that
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Speaker 1: it is for sinners. Jesus actually said he came for
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Speaker 1: the sick, not for the well. And in that He
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Speaker 1: was being a little tongue in cheek by saying, I
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Speaker 1: didn't come for people who think they're fine because they
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Speaker 1: follow enough rules. I came for people who know they
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Speaker 1: need help. And in that case, he was talking about
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Speaker 1: sinners and tax collectors who were showing up at this
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Speaker 1: dinner and people are like, why would you eat with
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Speaker 1: these people? Because they know they have a problem and
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Speaker 1: they want something more than what they've got. So I'm
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Speaker 1: going to show them that, and that's God's plan on
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Speaker 1: their life, that they would repent, put their faith in me,
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Speaker 1: and receive the Holy Spirit of God to live the
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Speaker 1: life God called them to. That's the call for our children,
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Speaker 1: and our reminder as parents to love our children towards that,
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Speaker 1: because number two, remember whose our child is. This idea
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Speaker 1: that for God so loved the world that he gave
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Speaker 1: his only son, that whoever believes in him should not
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Speaker 1: perish but have eternal life, John 3.16 is a promise
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Speaker 1: to our children. It's also a promise to us as parents.
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Speaker 1: Our faith in Christ saves us. It then equips us
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Speaker 1: to love our children wherever they're at and to call
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Speaker 1: them to that same identity. You're called to love God
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Speaker 1: and to live in the promise he's given you, child
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Speaker 1: of mine. Because that promise, as 1 Timothy 2.4 says,
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Speaker 1: is for everyone. I want to pause on that. 1
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Speaker 1: Timothy 2.4 says that God's will is that everyone would
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Speaker 1: be saved. Now, we know that's not going to happen.
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Speaker 1: In fact, In that same letter, Paul says, so pray
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Speaker 1: for them. We don't know who the Lord is going
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Speaker 1: to call and bring and bend the knee, but we
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Speaker 1: know that God's will is for everyone to be saved,
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Speaker 1: and God's will is not always done on this earth.
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Speaker 1: Jesus literally tells us, your will be done, your kingdom come.
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Speaker 1: His kingdom's not fully here yet, and his will is
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Speaker 1: not fully done yet. We are living in that already,
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Speaker 1: but not yet. He's already won, and he's graciously allowing
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Speaker 1: us a time so that I can come to know him,
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Speaker 1: and My children can come to know him. And hopefully
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Speaker 1: my children's children, like that is the goal. Everyone who
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Speaker 1: will say yes will get that chance. Yes, Lord, thank
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Speaker 1: you for your delay. But we live in a broken world.
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Speaker 1: And we remember God loves this world and sent his
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Speaker 1: only son before we asked for it. It was a
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Speaker 1: promise way before we knew we had a problem. And
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Speaker 1: then it was fulfilled in Christ. And that promise stands
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Speaker 1: for all who will repent and believe. There's not a
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Speaker 1: single person who has repented. Said, Lord, I put my
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Speaker 1: faith in you that has been rejected. That is not
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Speaker 1: the parable of them. weddings or whatever, the vineyards or
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Speaker 1: anything you might read. The parable is we put on
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Speaker 1: the bright clothes of Christ, trust in him for our
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Speaker 1: righteousness and are made new creations. And then we begin
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Speaker 1: to live out of that. It's when I show up
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Speaker 1: in my own good works and my rule following and
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Speaker 1: being better than that guy, that's my righteousness. Let me
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Speaker 1: in because I deserve it. That's, it's not the party
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Speaker 1: you wanted to go to, I promise. Then we need
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Speaker 1: to remember Romans 8, 38 through 39, that there's nothing
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Speaker 1: that can separate us from the love of God in
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Speaker 1: Christ Jesus. So, no amount of mistakes or rebellion can
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Speaker 1: break us so much that we can't repent. Again, that
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Speaker 1: beautiful story of the two sons. You have the self-righteous
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Speaker 1: son in the field and the rebellious son who runs away,
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Speaker 1: telling his father he's dead to him, takes half the
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Speaker 1: family's income and blows it in wild living. Begs to
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Speaker 1: be a servant when he comes back and is given
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Speaker 1: a party, accepted as full son again. The property then
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Speaker 1: is re-split between the two sons and he gets an
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Speaker 1: inheritance and a party again. The only one who actually
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Speaker 1: doesn't go in the party is the elder son in
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Speaker 1: the field, the one who's never actually done the rebellious things.
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Speaker 1: But he says, why haven't you loved me like that?
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Speaker 1: I've been awesome and I deserve it. I won't even
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Speaker 1: go to your stinky party because there's bad people there. Again,
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Speaker 1: please go to the party and remember that your child
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Speaker 1: is called to that party. So let's remember that it's
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Speaker 1: not too late. Our children are not damaged goods just
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Speaker 1: because they've made mistakes. We did not break our children
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Speaker 1: because we provided them the wrong technology in the wrong
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Speaker 1: time or for too long for the wrong amount of
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Speaker 1: space and time. We then remember that our children's identity
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Speaker 1: is in Christ. That is our 1A, is to introduce them. Yes,
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Speaker 1: through scripture, teach them. Yes, pray with them and pray
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Speaker 1: for them and model for them what this looks like
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Speaker 1: to be humble humans living in a tech world, trying
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Speaker 1: their best. to know and trust Jesus and by grace
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Speaker 1: being given the faith we need. And I would pause
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Speaker 1: on this. The faith is not simply the, oh my goodness,
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Speaker 1: what's the word I'm looking for? The confidence. So faith
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Speaker 1: isn't simply that I'm adamantly sure, right? It's not the certainty.
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Speaker 1: There was the word I was looking for. Faith is
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Speaker 1: pointing back to where God has provided, where we can
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Speaker 1: remember seeing him work and that he will work in
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Speaker 1: this situation as well. And I point that out so
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Speaker 1: it's more like if I'm walking through my house with
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Speaker 1: my eyes open in the middle of the day, and
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Speaker 1: then at night all the lights are off, and I'm
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Speaker 1: walking to find my way through, and I'm like, oh,
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Speaker 1: don't stub my toe, and I'm finding my way through.
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Speaker 1: That is the type of faith. It's the remembering where
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Speaker 1: the things were and acting on that, even though I
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Speaker 1: can't see them right now. And that's a simple example,
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Speaker 1: and I've I hope there's no heresy in that. I
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Speaker 1: don't believe there is. The example is a remembering God's goodness.
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Speaker 1: We see it throughout the Bible to remember what he
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Speaker 1: has done. We remember that he provided at Passover. We
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Speaker 1: remember his graciousness and steadfastness and long-suffering. We remember his
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Speaker 1: promise of a Messiah, his provision of said Messiah, and
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Speaker 1: the ways he's shown himself faithful even in our own lives.
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Speaker 1: We remember that out loud in front of our kids sometimes.
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Speaker 1: In our hearts in prayer, sometimes, in action in repentance,
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Speaker 1: we're told that we love because Christ first loved us.
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Speaker 1: That's an important remember from 1 John, because when we
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Speaker 1: remember God's love for us, we become more humble because
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Speaker 1: we can now love others, recognizing, man, they have the
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Speaker 1: exact same need I've got. much like that servant who
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Speaker 1: was brought in before the king. And the king said,
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Speaker 1: you owe me this money. You're gonna go to prison.
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Speaker 1: He goes, no, please. He goes, okay, I forgive you.
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Speaker 1: And then the servant turned around and throttled his other
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Speaker 1: servant because he owed him a much smaller amount of money.
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Speaker 1: And the king said, wow, you were forgiven a massive debt.
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Speaker 1: And your reaction to that was to extort your peers
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Speaker 1: who owe you so, so little. Like it didn't bring
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Speaker 1: gratitude or humility. Like that's the wrong response. Judgment is
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Speaker 1: for you. Like you had a chance, at forgiveness, but
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Speaker 1: like your hard heart is bringing judgment on yourself. And
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Speaker 1: that is the heart that we are praying against as
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Speaker 1: adults and parents leading our kids, because we are praying
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Speaker 1: towards the heart that says, I was loved. I'm going
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Speaker 1: to love you. You haven't asked for it. You certainly
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Speaker 1: haven't deserved it today. Your repeated tech choices might be
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Speaker 1: harming you. And maybe some of those were my fault.
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Speaker 1: I am going to lean towards you in this relationship
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Speaker 1: because I'm not scared about you being damaged goods. I
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Speaker 1: know the Lord can redeem and restore this I am
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Speaker 1: not worried that I have to somehow save you and
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Speaker 1: make you good enough. And I'm not giving up just
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Speaker 1: because I made a mistake. Maybe I gave you the
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Speaker 1: wrong tech at the wrong time for too long. And
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Speaker 1: I love you enough to step in here and now.
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Speaker 1: Going to college does not have to break the bank.
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Speaker 1: George Fox University is a Christian university with 100% professing
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Speaker 1: Christian staff. It puts a priority on making sure that
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Speaker 1: university is something that every student can afford. Right off
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Speaker 1: the bat, if you get a 3.5 GPA, you get
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Speaker 1: a merit-based scholarship of $ 20, 000 or more if you get
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Speaker 1: higher than a 3.5. That is not a loan. It's
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Speaker 1: not money you have to pay back. This is a
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Speaker 1: gift to ensure that you have the opportunity at college,
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Speaker 1: making a year of college $ 25, 000 or less. Whatever you
14:43
Speaker 1: do for looking at college, make sure that George Fox
14:46
Speaker 1: University is on your list. So check them out at georgefox.edu
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Speaker 1: and then pray about where the Lord is leading you
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Speaker 1: because finances do not have to hold our students back
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Speaker 1: from where the Lord is calling them. Then we parent
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Speaker 1: towards your child's gifts. And I I think that phrasing
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Speaker 1: makes sense for this. So work with me on it.
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Speaker 1: Parenting towards your child's gifts. Every parent and grandparent sees
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Speaker 1: a child and is given a God-given ability to just
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Speaker 1: see what's awesome about that kid. This also makes us
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Speaker 1: really annoying to other people because starting at a very
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Speaker 1: young age, right? We're like, my child's the best one, right?
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Speaker 1: Look at how smart he or she is. Look at how,
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Speaker 1: and we do this all like they walked first or
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Speaker 1: talked first and made that noise or said auntie for like,
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Speaker 1: We do it. It's just something we're excited about. But
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Speaker 1: there's a beauty in that because as that child grows,
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Speaker 1: you will begin to see things that make that child unique.
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Speaker 1: You are uniquely equipped to do this. You see this
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Speaker 1: child all the time. And with my children, my eldest
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Speaker 1: was organizing Tupperware by size and shape from, you know, two,
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Speaker 1: turning cans in the grocery store so the labels faced out,
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Speaker 1: closing every drawer that was open. Now, he doesn't still
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Speaker 1: do all of those things. Those are still there. He
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Speaker 1: loves meticulous organization and structure. It's a God-given gift. I
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Speaker 1: know that because it's not natural. Otherwise, I would have it.
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Speaker 1: I don't. And I watch him have it. I go,
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Speaker 1: that's so cool. Like, I can clearly see first part
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Speaker 1: of your mother in this. And I can see this
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Speaker 1: God-given ability. Now, can that be misused? Absolutely. Can it
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Speaker 1: be misused in tech? Yeah. You can absolutely code and
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Speaker 1: program your own worlds. You can play Minecraft until your
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Speaker 1: eyes fall out because you're in control of every little
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Speaker 1: thing and you can get so frustrated in the real
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Speaker 1: world when you did everything right and you didn't get
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Speaker 1: the outcome that you know you deserve because you did
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Speaker 1: everything right. Rule followers, I get it. But that is
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Speaker 1: the situation of the older brother, right? Like I did
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Speaker 1: it all. Why aren't you celebrating me? Why are you
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Speaker 1: celebrating that failure? Like abject, very clearly, I can mark
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Speaker 1: it on a list, failure. In fact, I have one here.
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Speaker 1: Look at all the things he did. When I look
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Speaker 1: at my son, my eldest then, I can look at
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Speaker 1: a child who's gifted by God in specific areas of
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Speaker 1: organization and structure and believe and parent into, this is beautiful.
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Speaker 1: I'll come back to what that looks like. But then
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Speaker 1: my second, Henry, my second child, is not gifted in
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Speaker 1: structured organization per se. He has a beautiful mind and
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Speaker 1: does great things, but he is present. He's not planning
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Speaker 1: those next 200 steps because he's on this one step.
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Speaker 1: And he will spend as much time on that one
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Speaker 1: step as is needed to fully appreciate that one step.
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Speaker 1: And maybe that one step involved something in between him
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Speaker 1: being downstairs and going upstairs to get the other thing
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Speaker 1: that you told him to do, but he's going to
17:29
Speaker 1: pause and stop on this. Like it's a regular thing
17:32
Speaker 1: that we find him reading somewhere mid task, right? Like
17:35
Speaker 1: he was on his way to do something else, but like, Ooh,
17:38
Speaker 1: saw that. That's a great book. I should open it
17:41
Speaker 1: and read it for a bit. And it's not malicious.
17:44
Speaker 1: It's not, um, like a hiding in a corner. Like
17:46
Speaker 1: this isn't plain sight. It'll just, he'll be like laying
17:49
Speaker 1: on the floor or something, or just standing in a
17:51
Speaker 1: corner and flipping pages. So like, it's not like he's
17:54
Speaker 1: sneaking to do this, but he's so present. And this
17:56
Speaker 1: is beautiful in conversation. And it's beautiful when he's with friends.
17:59
Speaker 1: And it's beautiful when he's running cross country or wrestling.
18:03
Speaker 1: He has a gift for being present. And oh my goodness,
18:06
Speaker 1: is that such a gift. That is the most like
18:08
Speaker 1: Jesus of any character trait I can think of that
18:11
Speaker 1: I would want for myself as well. Let's speak into that.
18:14
Speaker 1: Let's say positive things about it. Let's give opportunities for it.
18:17
Speaker 1: Then Hadley recognizes individuals. She recognizes people. She can walk
18:22
Speaker 1: into a room and she sees All of you. You
18:25
Speaker 1: are all important to her. And she wants you to
18:28
Speaker 1: know that with eye contact and energy. And that is
18:30
Speaker 1: a gift from God to recognize the individuals and to
18:34
Speaker 1: want to engage each and every one of them and
18:36
Speaker 1: to have space in your heart and your mind to
18:38
Speaker 1: give them time and to give them your effort and
18:41
Speaker 1: your energy and your attention. Now, I say that because
18:43
Speaker 1: three different kids, three different gifts. And so this will
18:47
Speaker 1: look different for each of them. But when we think through,
18:49
Speaker 1: did I damage my kid? We're not worrying about their
18:52
Speaker 1: souls because that's God's job. We're not worrying about our mistakes.
18:55
Speaker 1: We can own those and it models Christ by repenting
18:57
Speaker 1: to them and saying, you know what? We're taking a
18:59
Speaker 1: different road because I love you as a parent and
19:01
Speaker 1: I'm not going to keep giving you bad gifts. And
19:03
Speaker 1: then we can parent into how God has designed them.
19:05
Speaker 1: This can look like giving them real world adventures and
19:09
Speaker 1: opportunities that line up with their specific interests, passions, and abilities.
19:14
Speaker 1: So sometimes with my eldest, that's playing sports. Sports like
19:18
Speaker 1: baseball specifically line up with that because of rules or golf.
19:21
Speaker 1: rules and structure and high repetition and ability to just
19:24
Speaker 1: drill down a thousand feet into practicing and thinking about
19:28
Speaker 1: and visualizing a sport. But it's also music. He plays
19:33
Speaker 1: an instrument and also plays piano. I guess it's an
19:36
Speaker 1: instrument as well, but like a band instrument and enjoys that.
19:39
Speaker 1: It's also board games. He's passionate about them, rules and structure.
19:42
Speaker 1: And now he's getting into the creative side. Can I
19:44
Speaker 1: make things that other people can be a part of
19:46
Speaker 1: and play? So we're saying yes to those things. And
19:48
Speaker 1: with Henry, it absolutely involves reading. That's going to be
19:52
Speaker 1: a part of it, but also involves how can he
19:54
Speaker 1: push himself in other individual projects and creating things. He loves, loves,
19:58
Speaker 1: loves gardening. And if you want something for a kid
20:01
Speaker 1: who loves being present, gardening might be it. But I
20:05
Speaker 1: literally will delay a project so that I can make
20:08
Speaker 1: sure Henry's home for it. And that's, it's inconvenient because
20:11
Speaker 1: I can get certain things done, but it's also something
20:13
Speaker 1: we want to intentionally make space for. I don't do
20:16
Speaker 1: that for all my kids, but I know it's something
20:18
Speaker 1: that will help him and will show him. And he's
20:20
Speaker 1: not always pumped about it, but we've seen enough of
20:23
Speaker 1: this to go, you know what? Like you've asked before
20:25
Speaker 1: when we're going to pot these plants, like we're going
20:28
Speaker 1: to make sure you're around for it. I'm going to
20:29
Speaker 1: try to connect you with people that are passionate about
20:31
Speaker 1: these things. And then with Hadley, we try to make
20:34
Speaker 1: sure that we get her in healthy arenas for people contact.
20:38
Speaker 1: We are delaying social media, maybe even longer than for
20:41
Speaker 1: the boys, simply because she's such a people person. We
20:44
Speaker 1: recognize the unhealthy aspects social media will bring out from that.
20:48
Speaker 1: She'll get a lot of positive feedback. She could very
20:50
Speaker 1: possibly get identity from it. And we want to make
20:52
Speaker 1: sure she has really strong roots in real world relationships. Yes,
20:56
Speaker 1: with healthy, loving adults, like grandparents, like parents, like uncles, aunts,
21:00
Speaker 1: and mentors, and with real world peers, with other people
21:04
Speaker 1: who are giving feedback, not all of it positive, but
21:07
Speaker 1: limited feedback because there's only so many of them that
21:10
Speaker 1: can say something to you. So, like, even if everyone
21:13
Speaker 1: you know was being mean, it's still only a couple
21:15
Speaker 1: dozen people. Like, it's not hundreds or thousands or hundreds
21:20
Speaker 1: of thousands, depending who you are on the internet. So,
21:23
Speaker 1: in this example, as we talk about this encouragement, please, please,
21:27
Speaker 1: please remember that you're not too late. You have not
21:29
Speaker 1: damaged your child past God's ability to love them, even
21:32
Speaker 1: though there absolutely are things we should be addressing with
21:35
Speaker 1: our text. We are going to remember our child's true
21:38
Speaker 1: identity in Christ, that they've been called by God to
21:42
Speaker 1: a meaningful personal relationship by faith in Christ so that
21:47
Speaker 1: they can be all God has called them to be
21:49
Speaker 1: with all their foibles and flaws and technological issues. And
21:55
Speaker 1: we can parent starting today. Again, if our child is
21:57
Speaker 1: young at the age of two and you're just starting
22:00
Speaker 1: to see some of these things, Pray about ways you
22:02
Speaker 1: can be feeding into that and encouraging and directing. Find
22:05
Speaker 1: other people that are good at these things to speak
22:07
Speaker 1: life into your child and help them. The goal is
22:10
Speaker 1: not to min-max your child and go, well, if we
22:13
Speaker 1: pull all these levers and avoid those levels, they'll get
22:15
Speaker 1: to the max level faster. The idea is God's wired
22:18
Speaker 1: your kid to be a part of his kingdom and
22:21
Speaker 1: to bring him glory. And we don't know what that means.
22:23
Speaker 1: So play the sports, do the studies, read the books,
22:26
Speaker 1: ask the questions, have the conversations, have adventure and awe
22:30
Speaker 1: and be amazed. at the child God's given you and
22:33
Speaker 1: the world your child has been put in by God.
22:37
Speaker 1: So both parental amazement of, well, look at this gift, God.
22:40
Speaker 1: Thank you. And help me steward this well. And for
22:43
Speaker 1: our child, look at this world you've been put in. Like,
22:45
Speaker 1: where's God put you? What's on your heart? What are
22:47
Speaker 1: you passionate about? What questions do you have? And as
22:49
Speaker 1: you work through that, you are going to find that
22:51
Speaker 1: tech will take part of that, but it would be
22:53
Speaker 1: much easier to discern what tech is helping us and
22:56
Speaker 1: what tech is actually harming us. There's some perfectly fine
22:59
Speaker 1: tech that simply isn't beneficial. So we don't participate in it.
23:02
Speaker 1: And there's some tech that, you know what, this could
23:04
Speaker 1: be good if we use it right, but there's a
23:06
Speaker 1: distracting element or there's a design element that we need
23:08
Speaker 1: to make sure we have our heads wrapped around. So
23:11
Speaker 1: parents be encouraged, continue to fight that good fight that
23:13
Speaker 1: God has put you in by giving you a child.
23:16
Speaker 1: You are the first resource for your children, but you
23:18
Speaker 1: don't save them. You do get the opportunity. And this
23:22
Speaker 1: is true for parents and aunts and uncles and grandma
23:24
Speaker 1: and grandpas and mentors and teachers that we can speak
23:27
Speaker 1: life into these kids. Let's speak those words. that are true,
23:31
Speaker 1: don't just make things up. Pray for insight. If you've
23:34
Speaker 1: got a really hard kid and you're like, I don't
23:36
Speaker 1: know what's good, there's probably something in that difficult childness
23:40
Speaker 1: of them. It's not a word, but the part of
23:42
Speaker 1: them that makes them difficult, there's a gift in there.
23:45
Speaker 1: Like there's something God gave them that is simply being
23:48
Speaker 1: misapplied or being applied in a way that simply makes
23:50
Speaker 1: them difficult to be around at this age. Pray into that,
23:53
Speaker 1: speak truth into that, and lovingly parent it so that
23:58
Speaker 1: They can use their gifts for God's glory and God
24:01
Speaker 1: can use it for their good and for the progression
24:02
Speaker 1: of his kingdom. So I hope that you're encouraged by this.
24:04
Speaker 1: If you have any questions, nathanatgospeltech.net. And I am excited
24:09
Speaker 1: for you guys to continue doing a great job parenting
24:12
Speaker 1: as we raise kids who love God.