Latest / Style Project: Fashion, beauty & personal style / Why Boredom Is Your New Best Friend (And Why You’re Terrified of It) | Style Project
Transcript
- I caught myself doing something shameful this morning that I didn’t even realize was happening until I looked down. My thumb was scrolling through a recipe for sourdough bread I have absolutely no intention of making, while I was standing in line for coffee, completely alone with my own thoughts. Let’s be real for a second. We have become a society that is terrified of the quiet. Not just the silence of an empty room, but the internal quiet. The pause. The gap between one thought and the next. For years, I’ve treated my phone like a digital pacifier. As soon as there was a lull—a thirty-second wait at the dry cleaners, the elevator ride up to my floor, the three minutes before my Zoom call started—I would reach for it. I would scroll. I would check. I would consume. And I told myself it was just efficiency. That I was multitasking. But lately, I’ve been wondering if we aren’t actually running away from ourselves. I remember reading an interview with a writer who said that boredom is not a problem to be solved; it is a space to be inhabited. And when I really sat with that—literally sat on my couch without my phone for ten minutes—I felt this physical itch. A restlessness in my fingers. A tightness in my chest. It felt like withdrawal. Because for so long, we’ve been conditioned to believe that every spare second must be monetized, optimized, or entertained. If you are bored, you are failing. If you are idle, you are lazy. But here is the radical, uncomfortable truth: boredom is where creativity lives. Boredom is where your brain goes to organize the messy furniture of your day. Think about the last time you were truly bored. Maybe you were stuck in traffic. Or waiting for a friend who was late. Instead of pulling out your device, what happened? Did you look out the window? Did you notice the way the light hit the dashboard? Did you start planning your weekend? Or did panic set in? I want to talk about attention span, but not in the clinical, scary way tech companies use it to keep you hooked. I mean it as a muscle. Right now, our collective attention span is atrophied. We’ve trained ourselves to expect instant gratification. We swipe, we get a hit of dopamine, we move on. But style—the kind of personal style that feels authentic, the kind Millie Donald believes in—is not built on swiping. It’s built on looking. Really looking. At yourself. At your clothes. At your life. When you sit with boredom, you are practicing the art of observation. You are learning to be present with your own discomfort. And that is exactly what happens when you try on a new outfit that doesn’t quite fit right yet. You stand in front of the mirror. You feel awkward. You want to change back into your sweatpants because they are safe and comfortable and predictable. But if you stay there, if you sit with that feeling of ‘this isn’t me yet,’ you eventually find the version of you that fits. Boredom is the same. It’s the uncomfortable middle ground between who you were and who you are becoming. Don’t rush past it. Now, let’s bring this back to fashion, because why wouldn’t we? I’ve noticed a pattern in how we dress when we’re anxious versus when we’re grounded. When I’m stressed, when I’m trying to fill the voids in my day with noise and notifications, I tend to dress in armor. Sharp shoulders. Heavy structures. Colors that scream ‘do not approach.’ It’s defensive styling. It’s a wall. But when I allow myself to be bored? When I let my mind wander without a screen to anchor it? My dressing changes. I choose softer fabrics. I play with texture. I put on a blouse that requires me to slow down because it has delicate buttons. I wear jewelry that catches the light when I move slowly. There is a direct line between your ability to tolerate stillness and the elegance of your presence. You cannot project confidence if you are constantly scanning for the next thing to do. Confidence is sitting in a chair and knowing that nothing needs to happen right now. Does it feel like you? Does your wardrobe reflect your need for speed, or does it reflect your capacity for depth? I think about women who walk into a room and just... exist. They don’t need to perform. They don’t need to entertain. They are comfortable in their own skin because they are comfortable with themselves. That comfort starts in the quiet moments. It starts when you stop reaching for the phone. So, here is my challenge to you. And I know, I know, it sounds terrifying. Put the phone in another room for one hour. Just one hour. No podcasts. No audiobooks. Just you and the space you are in. You can stare at a wall. You can fold laundry. You can make tea and watch the steam rise. But do not input any new information. Do not seek any external validation. At first, you will feel crazy. You will check your pocket reflexively. You will feel the phantom vibration. This is normal. This is your brain asking for its fix. Let it ask. Don’t answer. Watch the urge rise and fall like a wave. It will pass. And then, something magical might happen. Your mind will start to drift. It will go to those weird, abstract places it only visits when it’s not being steered by an algorithm. You might remember a song from 2008. You might wonder why you bought that scarf you never wear. You might finally solve the problem you’ve been avoiding all week. This is not about rejecting technology. It’s about reclaiming your interiority. Your style is an expression of your interiority. If your inside is cluttered with other people’s opinions, viral trends, and endless streams of content, your outside will look chaotic. But if you clear the clutter? If you sit with the boredom? You create space for your true voice to emerge. And that voice is far more interesting than any trend. I always say, 'Wear the pants, literally or metaphorically.' But what does that really mean? It means taking ownership of your narrative. It means deciding what is important enough to hold your attention. When you are scrolling, you are letting someone else decide what is important. You are handing over your power, minute by minute. When you choose to be bored, you are taking that power back. You are saying, 'My attention is valuable. My time is precious. I will not give it away for free.' This applies to your closet too. How many items in your wardrobe are there because you saw them online? How many are there because they were trending? How many are there because you were trying to fill a void? Try this: take one item from your closet that you haven’t worn in six months. Hold it. Feel the fabric. Ask yourself why you bought it. Was it for you? Or was it for the idea of you? Often, we buy things to distract ourselves from the boredom of our current reality. We think, 'If I look different, I will feel different.' But feeling different comes from within. It comes from the quiet work of self-discovery. Be curious skeptic about your own habits. Question the urge to scroll. Love the urge to create. Be radically honest about why you are reaching for your phone. Is it fear? Is it loneliness? Is it just habit? Name it. Then, gently close the app. Open the window instead. Let the air in. Let the boredom in. It’s not empty. It’s full of potential. I want you to leave today with permission to be unproductive. Permission to be boring. Permission to just be. In a world that is constantly shouting, your quiet is revolutionary. Your stillness is powerful. And your style? Your style will naturally evolve to match that strength. It will become less about performance and more about presence. Less about following rules and more about honoring your rhythm. Next time you’re waiting in line, or riding the elevator, or lying in bed before sleep, resist the urge to grab your phone. Look around. Notice the details. Let your mind wander. See where it takes you. You might be surprised by the conversations you have with yourself. You might discover a new passion, a new idea, or just a deep sense of peace. And that peace? That is the most chic thing you can wear. It’s timeless. It’s effortless. And it’s entirely yours. Thank you for listening, for being brave enough to hear this, and for choosing yourself, even in the quiet moments. I’ll see you in the next one. Stay stylish, stay still, and I’ll catch you in the next episode. Bye for now.