Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / Body Image, Becoming & Doing Hard Things: Weight, Self-Worth, Roller Coasters & Reinventing Yourself
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (00:30) Hey there. Tonight I am outside not walking. I tried to record while walking today, but I had a uninvited walking partner behind me. I'm sure you've had that happen before, Where you're on a walk and someone else left at about the same time as you on the same route and you're just kind of trailing each other awkwardly. Yeah, well that was happening, so. We did not record this morning on the walk with the babe. So I'm out on my backyard tonight enjoying this breezy evening and my sprinklers are on and maybe my software will edit out all this background sound. But if not, you get to enjoy the natural ambiance with me tonight. I just wanted to give kind of a forecast of some awesome episodes that are coming up, some interviews that I've done and just some things that I've been thinking about. doing thought work constantly, but I just feel so honored that there are one, so many awesome people within my own family that have great stories of their becoming. And I'm just appreciating so much more of this process of who we have been is a part of the reason of who we are at this moment. And who we are at this moment will soon be the person that we were as we are progressing on to the next version of ourselves and constantly evolving. In fact, as I'm learning about other religions, a lot of them, ⁓ main focus of the belief and the practice is the life cycle of death and rebirth and just. where that's what's happening to us all the time is an older version of us is dying and a newer version of us is reborn. And I love that. And I interviewed my uncle last night and it's probably my new favorite episode so far. And he just had such beautiful perspective. He's an artist. He's been working on this insane. piece that's a scroll and it's hundreds of feet long you guys and it's based upon all this research and studying that he's done for so many years and he's now putting it into this beautiful artwork form and he explains that to us and a big part of him being able to conclude all of this information is based upon where he has been in his life. And I really love what he teaches us in that episode. So it's Cameron Coleman that will be coming up soon. And I also interviewed my awesome aunt. Her episode is gonna drop on Monday if I get it edited. Otherwise it will be Thursday's episode. for the end of August and she has just a life full of body image and weight and I have watched her throughout my life ⁓ with the ups and downs and it just consuming her life. So we talk about body image and what that is. and her journey and she is now a health coach and actually won a body transformation competition where she won $120,000 back in I believe 2011 and she lost a ton of weight in one year and won that competition and I've been thinking a lot about why why does weight play such a factor in attractiveness and desirability. And it's funny, I look back on the guys that I've dated and they were all different sizes. I dated chubby guys, dated tall big guys, tall skinny guys, and it never really... I don't ever really remember thinking about their weight as one of the factors that determined whether I was going to like date them or like them. and none of them were ever initial like, he's so hot. I want to date him. That was never a thing for me. It was after getting to know them and hanging out and then realizing that there were so many things about them that I really liked and wanted to be with them more. But in my mind, for myself at least, I was definitely like, need to be, I've been working on it though. Like I have to be skinny. I can't have my pooch. And I can't have my double chin in order to be lovable and desirable and sexy. And I've been working on that. And I want to see as I just move my body, it's incredible as I am just moving, like going on a walk. lifting some weights, doing something. Nothing really changes in my body except probably some hormones or I don't all the science-y stuff. I just feel better. Like I do. All of a sudden I'm thinking I am more desirable. I am hot. And the only thing that really has changed is I'm just taking care of myself. Go figure. As we take care of ourselves, we kind of like ourselves more. Even if the scale isn't moving, but I have more energy and I have more strength. ⁓ Isn't that fascinating? And I love that. So as I'm focusing on strength and energy rather than weight, even though I do want my weight to go down, it has been awesome that just moving is honestly enough to help my thoughts in that I am. achieving what I wanted to achieve and creating the result that I wanted, which I have control of. I don't have control over how people view me and their thoughts about me. I only have control over what I think about me. And I want to love me no matter what the scale says. And that's been interesting. And I thought about that actually googled, like why? is weight and factor in desirability and it told me sociocultural reasons, also maybe innate reasons as far as like picking a mate, whereas weight tends to indicate health and fertility, which is interesting, right ladies? Like we know that just because you're skinny does not mean that you are gonna be able to pop out babies easily or at all and my heart goes out to you no matter your weight and size because man that is rough biz and even health like our weight it's just one small factor to the entire package of our amazing complex bodies and we are learning so much and we know a lot from health, know, science. It's pretty cool. But everybody is totally unique. Just because you weigh as much and have a body similar to some other chick doesn't mean that you are even remotely the same inside, genetically, hormonally, all of those scientific U words. But our bodies are awesome. and they need our love and they need our attention and they're trying to take care of us. So Jill's story is awesome. She's done a lot of hard work to love herself and come to peace with her body and it's a constant. So that's gonna be a great one you have to look forward to this upcoming week. ⁓ Fun thing, if you like ⁓ nutty buddies, the wafer peanut butter dipped in chocolate bar. That is a prepackaged, let's call it a delicacy, prepackaged delicacy. They now have two different variations and they have been taunting me at the grocery store. There's a cake stir one and a cream pie one. And I was doing some late night grocery shopping tonight and decided to give the cream pie one a try and. It was pretty good. In fact, my mind immediately went to, I saw someone on Instagram that does these segments called Can It Cake Pop? And she'll just put random baked goods, like those loft house cookies or the Cosmic Brownies in with a made cake and see if it can turn into like a edible or yummy and moldable cake pop dough. And my thought was with these Nutty Buddy cream pies, I like, I wonder if this can cake pop. And so I might try that one day. But those were good. That was kind of fun. And I just want to end with something I've been working on this summer. So we got season passes to our local amusement park. And I have never really been one that loves. amusement park rides. drops, speed, it just does not mesh well with my tummy. And I always get anxious and then nauseous. But I went to Disneyland when I was 14 and I really wanted to ride the rides. And I then I've always been brave and try things. I like pushing myself and seeing what I am capable of. And I learned the skill that you can close your eyes. And that's very helpful on any ride, can close your eyes. And that's what I would do and kind of just pay attention to the motion of the ride and the sounds. And I'd like peak if I felt comfortable. And now I love every ride at Disneyland, even at California Adventure, the screaming one, the biggest and fastest one. I learned to cope with my stomach. Butterfly-ness, I just scream at the top of my lungs on the drops and the parts where there's bigger motions and that tends to work. So this year with our local amusement park, I haven't been there since I was a kid and even then I didn't like it because I didn't like the way I felt riding these rides. And my son, who is six, loves anything that he's tall enough for. fast, big roller coasters, he's doing it and he loves it. And I went into this season thinking, okay, I really want to try these rides and I want to be able to ride them with my kids and enjoy it. Cause it is so fun. We love going as a family. And my thought that's been helpful as I'm getting on these rides is this is a ride. It's completely neutral. I don't know how I'm going to feel. I might like it and I might not, but until I ride it and experience it, I don't know. And that's been helpful as I'm waiting in line to get on it rather than like feeling I'm gonna be sick the entire time leading up to it. I have been able to just remain more calm and just neutral about it. And my thoughts just been, this is a ride. And I started low. I've done the little kitty ones. I did the ladybug drop, you know, where it takes you up on the little tower and it drops you down in like increments. And that was actually a blast. Love that. ⁓ There's a little firetruck one that goes around on an axis, kind of like in the direction of a ferris wheel. It has a boom coming out and is pretty slow. And it goes around, up and around and it drops a little bit but it goes at a constant speed. And that was fun. I enjoyed that. I've all the kiddie roller coasters. Those are good. But like, you guys, I still had to like kind of pump myself up to go on these little kid rides even. And I'm sure a lot of you can relate. And those were all really fun. I enjoyed them. I did the Rattlesnake Rapids, the, you know, the water get wet ride. That was great. And... There's a new ride that goes around like a Ferris wheel. It's like eight seats across. They're back to back. And there's, it's like a swing. It's a big swing and it goes around in the direction of a Ferris wheel. And it goes fast. And it whips you forward and takes you up and swings you down. and then you go the opposite direction, then you go up and then down and I was pumped. Like my son and my husband were like, it's so fun and we think you'll really like it. Like, okay, I'll try it. So I get on it. I kid you not, the first revolution, I was gripping and my entire body tensed. And you know like scary face where your jaw just drops and clenches and your eyes go wide like. Felt my face doing that I've never experienced that before but I tensed and my mind is that we're gonna die we're gonna die on this ride today and ⁓ We're gonna pass out and they're gonna have to wake me up ⁓ Yep, this is not good. This is we have just started and this is the worst and I Was panicking because literally it had just started and I was in trouble. And I did not scream. Like it wasn't, I don't know why. I just completely tensed. And thankfully my meditation skills kicked in and I closed my eyes and my self preservation skills maybe. I closed my eyes and I just breathed. I went in. and out with the motion of the ride. And I just focused on my breathing. And funny enough, when I closed my eyes, I was fine. And actually it was enjoyable. But I was so tense and stressed at that point that I couldn't enjoy it. Like that was gone. But the breathing and closing my eyes helped so much. It wasn't even that high up in the air, but maybe it was just enough that my brain flipped and was like, ⁓ what are you doing? You shouldn't be up here. Like this is dangerous. We're gonna die coming down from here. And closing my eyes was incredibly helpful and such a simple thing. How often is the solution? Something small, but we're in fight or flight mode. that we don't take a second to step back and really evaluate the situation. So I'm really grateful that I've worked on meditation so much and breath work, that that saved me in that moment. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have that. Obviously I would have survived, but that was rough. But I'm so proud of me. And my husband was kind of, he's been kind of teasing me a little bit. He's like, we're gonna ride all the rides and you're gonna love them. And I don't think he really truly understood like how scared I am of these rides and how much anxiety it creates for me. And well, my thoughts about them create for me. I know that, but it is, it has been hard and he was watching me he's like, you are not having fun. I was like, yeah. And I got off and I was just trembling and I wanted to love it so bad. It looked fun and so I was disappointed and that was okay. Will I do it again? Maybe? Maybe? Probably not, but you never know. And I'm open to trying other things. And he was really sweet. And he's like, there are other things I would rather do with our time if you don't wanna come and do all the rides. And I was like, thank you. I appreciate that. But I am up for trying some of the faster, smoother roller coasters that just move forward. And maybe that's a part of it too, is where this was revolutionary. Just went around and around. Whereas roller coasters, you know, move forward and you're going on a track moving in ⁓ a direction. But I do think that it is important to do things that are hard, that push us and kind of scare us sometimes. And it's nice when you get to choose those opportunities rather than them being thrust upon you. And yeah, we'll see what the season holds. We've got two more months and then we're take a break next year and not do this theme park. Anyway, those are my thoughts. Fun things coming up. Do hard things. Pick one. Go for it. ⁓ And then you'll have more evidence that you really can do hard things. At least start them, even if you don't see it all the way through or again. Maybe your ending of that hard thing looks different than someone else. And that doesn't have to mean anything negative about you. But to make it a great day, great week, cheering you on, you got this. Have a good one.