Latest / The Impossible Life / 324. I Changed. Why Doesn’t She Trust Me? - Forgiveness vs Restoration

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324. I Changed. Why Doesn’t She Trust Me? - Forgiveness vs Restoration · The Impossible Life

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Speaker 1: That's impossible. Let me tell you what I believe. It's
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Speaker 1: your weakness, it's not your technique. Don't think you know.
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Speaker 2: The Impossible Life Podcast and yes, sitting on a winning lottery. Second,
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Speaker 2: an idea that is fully formed, fully understood, that sticks.
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Speaker 3: This is the Impossible Life Podcast because Nick and I
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Speaker 3: are attempting to live impossible lives. What we know is
0:30
Speaker 3: that nothing is impossible. So instead of using impossible as
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Speaker 3: an excuse to not try, we'll use the pursuit of
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Speaker 3: impossible as an accelerant for greatness. If something's never been
0:42
Speaker 3: done before, that just means it's unexplored. If they tell
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Speaker 3: you it's too hard, it's just waiting to be simplified.
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Speaker 3: Impossible as a default label used by uncourageous people unwilling
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Speaker 3: to take a risk.
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Speaker 4: The real truth is this.
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Speaker 3: The solution to any impossible task starts with this question,
1:03
Speaker 3: if I had to what would it take?
1:05
Speaker 4: What would it take?
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Speaker 1: Welcome to another episode of the Impossible Life Podcast. I'm
1:12
Speaker 1: your co host, Nick Surface, and I'm looking across as
1:13
Speaker 1: a man so tough. He looks forward to his air
1:16
Speaker 1: conditioner breaking so he can train himself in hot weather sleeping.
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Speaker 1: That's right, friends, the phemo ABC Garrett Akaback a man
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Speaker 1: who knows that AC stands for anti courageous.
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Speaker 4: Nobody tells me, Nobody tells me when I can or
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Speaker 4: can't sleep.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, no kidding. You recently had your air conditioner break
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Speaker 1: and just decide. Your wife actually texts me, this is
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Speaker 1: the dichotomy of your wife. She's like abusing me publicly
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Speaker 1: in the comments on Spotify, in the comments on our
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Speaker 1: social media, and then in private she's like, hey, our
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Speaker 1: air conditioner broken. Garrett refused to sleep upstairs because he
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Speaker 1: said he needs to be you know, a man should
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Speaker 1: be able to sleep in hot weather. So he just
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Speaker 1: slept in like ninety degrees downstairs. So you should do
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Speaker 1: an intro on that. And of course I budge, yeah,
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Speaker 1: I mean, good for you, bro. I that is uh,
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Speaker 1: that's not that's not pleasant. Anyways, I was.
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Speaker 4: Telling her stories of when we like when you had
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Speaker 4: to sleep in the field, Like sometimes you know, it's
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Speaker 4: one hundred out and there's mosquitoes. Other times I slept
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Speaker 4: in the field and it's like thirty five degrees and
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Speaker 4: due to the circumstances, you don't have all your sleeping
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Speaker 4: bag and baby sack and all this stuff with you.
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Speaker 4: You know what you gotta do. You just freaking curl
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Speaker 4: up and go to sleep. And if you can't sleep,
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Speaker 4: that's your problem, you know. Yeah, you're cold, just are
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Speaker 4: not to sleep through it? Yeah, the same way that
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Speaker 4: you can the same way that you can keep running
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Speaker 4: when you're tired. I think you can do the same thing.
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Speaker 4: You can just keep sleeping. But honestly, the other night
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Speaker 4: when it was hot, like I slept flying.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, I believe you. It's your ability to sleep is
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Speaker 1: under is amazing and also perhaps underrated in your list
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Speaker 1: of skills. All Right, Gee, today's episode is answering a
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Speaker 1: quest we get quite a bit. So we're talking about
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Speaker 1: the difference between forgiveness and restoration because the question we
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Speaker 1: get we've literally had to ask exactly this way is
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Speaker 1: I've changed and I'm following after God now for a while,
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Speaker 1: but my wife still doesn't trust me. And this is
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Speaker 1: the exact thing. How do I get her to trust
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Speaker 1: me again? Right? This question?
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Speaker 4: It's never easy to get to make that change, to
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Speaker 4: make that shift, I would say, first, like, one of
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Speaker 4: the things that messes up relationships is communication. And another
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Speaker 4: thing that messes up relationships is expectations. And my wife
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Speaker 4: has talked to me about this because I would say
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Speaker 4: Lindsay has learned some things from watching the way that
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Speaker 4: I've lived my life, And for one, I've said to her,
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Speaker 4: if I put the expectation I have on myself on
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Speaker 4: other people, I would live my entire life disappointed. Right,
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Speaker 4: And if you want people to see what you see
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Speaker 4: at the moment that you first saw it, you're going
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Speaker 4: to be disappointed. If you want to make some change
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Speaker 4: in your life, that's great. But if you want people
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Speaker 4: to jump up and down for you and cheer for
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Speaker 4: you when you're five minutes down the road in that journey,
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Speaker 4: you're going to be disappointed and going through a forgiveness
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Speaker 4: and restoration process with your wife or with anyone else.
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Speaker 4: If you've changed, if you've made whatever you made, some
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Speaker 4: separation from whatever you were doing wrong in the past,
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Speaker 4: and expecting that to just get fixed in five minutes,
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Speaker 4: you're going to be disappointed. It is the process in
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Speaker 4: life of sowing seed and then reaping a harvest. Now,
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Speaker 4: if you have great belief in yourself, you put that
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Speaker 4: seed in the ground, and even though the fruit hasn't
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Speaker 4: come up, you can see it. You know it's coming.
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Speaker 4: You understand the process, but not everybody else does, and
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Speaker 4: sometimes they want to see you go through a couple
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Speaker 4: of cycles. And I can also tell you just from
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Speaker 4: a this is not the main point, and this is
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Speaker 4: not the stuff that I like to focus on, but
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Speaker 4: just from a psychological perspective, and this is more identity related.
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Speaker 4: If you start to change, but you're in this need
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Speaker 4: for validation state where you want your wife to make
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Speaker 4: you feel better because you've changed. You know what your
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Speaker 4: wife might do, either subconsciously or more consciously, and that
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Speaker 4: would be slightly malicious. But what a lot of people
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Speaker 4: are going to do subconsciously subconsciously is, Oh, you're change
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Speaker 4: and you're still seeking my validation. I'm not going to
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Speaker 4: give it to you because I still want you to
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Speaker 4: keep changing. And that the way that you work through
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Speaker 4: both of those and you avoid both of those those
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Speaker 4: gaps of being frustrated that people don't see it are
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Speaker 4: people trying to get you to run further down the
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Speaker 4: road and have it hang in the care in front
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Speaker 4: of the stick, is that you've just decided this is
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Speaker 4: who I want to be no matter what, and eventually.
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Speaker 1: They'll see it, right And that's the thing man, that
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Speaker 1: And so for anybody out there, I think I actually
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Speaker 1: know that there's a lot of men and women that
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Speaker 1: are in relationships where there's a process of somebody's changed
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Speaker 1: or both parties have changed, and there's restoration happening. Some
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Speaker 1: people listening this will be like either not married, or
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Speaker 1: they won't necessarily be aware that they're in this process,
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Speaker 1: or maybe they're not even in this process at some point.
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Speaker 1: But everybody listening at some point is going to have
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Speaker 1: an inflection point. You're going to choose a path that
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Speaker 1: changes your behavior, could be a new leadership position, you
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Speaker 1: get into relationship, whatever it is. At some point, everyone
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Speaker 1: makes a decision about the path they're going to travel.
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Speaker 1: And here's the thing, exactly to what you just said
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Speaker 1: about the couple. You're going to see it before others do,
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Speaker 1: and you can't be mad at them if for not
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Speaker 1: seeing it, because as you said, that's a great way
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Speaker 1: to live frustrated and be mad at the world. So
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Speaker 1: we're going to dive into the difference between forgiveness and
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Speaker 1: restoration because I think I remember I heard you say
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Speaker 1: once we were talking about something similar to this, and
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Speaker 1: you said exactly the words You're like, there's a big
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Speaker 1: difference between forgiveness and restoration. And I realize that because
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Speaker 1: a lot of times people will go like, if you've
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Speaker 1: forgiven me, then why are you making me earn this back?
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Speaker 1: That's not true forgiveness or why is it? Why are
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Speaker 1: you still treat me like you don't trust me. Well,
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Speaker 1: we're going to dive into that. So the very first thing,
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Speaker 1: because you can quote scripture at each other, but this
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Speaker 1: is what we're told. Forgiveness is Colassans three thirteen, bear
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Speaker 1: with each other and forgive one another. If any of
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Speaker 1: you has a grievance against someone, forgive as the Lord
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Speaker 1: forgave you. And man, what a charge that is, gee,
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Speaker 1: as the Lord forgave you. That is a that's a
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Speaker 1: big charge. So we always like to dive into language here,
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Speaker 1: and if you dive into the Greek, the Greek here,
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Speaker 1: the word is carrizo may and it's derived from the
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Speaker 1: noun grace, which is keris or cherish, So basically it's
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Speaker 1: a it's a voluntary, benevolent.
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Speaker 4: Car by the way, but go ahead.
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Speaker 1: Thanks a lot, mister greekman. I didn't realize, you know,
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Speaker 1: you grew up at Athens, anyways. So it's a benevolent
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Speaker 1: act that flows from favor rather than an obligation. The
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Speaker 1: term gathers under one umbrella the concepts of freely bestowing
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Speaker 1: a gift, remitting a debt or pounty, and graciously granting
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Speaker 1: a request. Now, I'm stressing this on purpose. In every occurrence,
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Speaker 1: the accident falls on the generosity of the giver, not
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Speaker 1: the worthiness of the recipient. Now, man, really capture that.
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Speaker 1: I think so many people struggle with forgiveness. And whenever
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Speaker 1: you actually get the revelation of what God's done for you,
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Speaker 1: you will forgive others a lot easier because there's nothing
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Speaker 1: we can do to earn forgiveness.
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Speaker 4: And that's the exact definition of what it's talking about there,
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Speaker 4: of forgive others the way I get I forgave you,
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Speaker 4: meaning Christ said, you screwed this up, but I forgave
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Speaker 4: you anyways. And when people do the same, you're going
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Speaker 4: to have to do that for them. Don't put it
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Speaker 4: on them. You decide I'm going to forgive these other people.
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Speaker 4: And this is this scripture and this understanding of this
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Speaker 4: word is the demonstration of really step one of forgiveness
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Speaker 4: is you must receive forgiveness, when you receive the forgiveness
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Speaker 4: of Christ, when you realize that the wages of our
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Speaker 4: sin is death, that the penalty for your sin is death.
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Speaker 4: When you understand this and you feel this overwhelming grace
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Speaker 4: of God on your life, that wow, I don't even
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Speaker 4: I don't deserve to live, but look what God has
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Speaker 4: done for me. When you experience that, it empowers you
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Speaker 4: to go out and do it for other people. By
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Speaker 4: that same generosity, you become generous if you haven't experienced
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Speaker 4: that in your life. When you haven't and you can
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Speaker 4: know it, you can learn all about it. But until
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Speaker 4: you really submit and receive that in your life. I
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Speaker 4: know people who claim, or I've been with people, I've
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Speaker 4: met people who have claimed to know Christ, but really
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Speaker 4: they struggle with accepting that forgiveness. But when you accept
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Speaker 4: the forgiveness of God and you have this overwhelming grace
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Speaker 4: on your life, it gives you the ability to put
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Speaker 4: grace on other people.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think I've been talking about this with
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Speaker 1: some of my close friends, about the path of salvation
9:48
Speaker 1: because the Gospel message is so central and it should
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Speaker 1: be something that we can all just kind of go like,
9:53
Speaker 1: this is what it looks like to come into salvation,
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Speaker 1: into the Kingdom of God. But because God works in
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Speaker 1: principles and not in methods AKA, it's not like it
10:04
Speaker 1: happens the same way every time. I think, sometimes we
10:06
Speaker 1: can forget what you just talked about. You really have
10:10
Speaker 1: to get to the place where you don't feel like
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Speaker 1: you have anything to offer God, and you understand, no,
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Speaker 1: I'm one hundred percent in debt because if I owe
10:17
Speaker 1: ten thousand dollars through a credit card company and I
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Speaker 1: pay it back, my debt hasn't been forgiven. I've paid
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Speaker 1: back what I've earned. And a lot of people feel
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Speaker 1: more comfortable with like, well, can I at least do something?
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Speaker 1: And then they to be better because like, well, I
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Speaker 1: ask God for forgiveness and I've also like, look what
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Speaker 1: I've done. It's like, No, You've asked God for forgiveness
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Speaker 1: and you were forgiven solely because He granted it. All
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Speaker 1: the other stuff you did after that is from a
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Speaker 1: place of because you've received that grace, not because you're
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Speaker 1: trying to earn that grace. And let me see what
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Speaker 1: this looks like. Let me share a practical example in
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Speaker 1: case you're not grasping because I think This is a
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Speaker 1: really important thing to grasp. We fall on works all
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Speaker 1: the time. If you say a bad word, you'll like,
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Speaker 1: you'll have no problem believing God can forgive you. You're like, oh, Lord,
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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I know I should have said that, forgive me.
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Speaker 1: Your conscience is not beating you up all day because A,
11:02
Speaker 1: it's not that big a deal, right, Like, you don't
11:04
Speaker 1: realize that you're thinking that, But it's not that big
11:06
Speaker 1: a deal. Now, if you murder someone, or you cheat
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Speaker 1: on your wife, or you do something that you know
11:11
Speaker 1: is bad that you can't defend and go like, oh,
11:13
Speaker 1: but that's when you will struggle to forgive yourselves, and
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Speaker 1: you'll struggle to believe that God can forgive you because
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Speaker 1: you've had a works mentality. The revelation of grace is, man,
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Speaker 1: you were like in front of the firing squad and
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Speaker 1: someone steps inside and say, hey, we're not going to
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Speaker 1: be doing this today. That is the actual revelation of
11:31
Speaker 1: grace that you are the scumbag that's demin that like
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Speaker 1: deserve to get everything that was coming to you, and
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Speaker 1: God stepped in and said nope, because he delights in
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Speaker 1: showing mercy. And to your point, when you've had that revelation,
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Speaker 1: you'll extend it. It'll break your heart. I think that
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Speaker 1: that's such a key thing in the in the salvation process,
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Speaker 1: is that you come to a place of repentance and
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Speaker 1: an understanding and forgiveness of sins where your heart has
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Speaker 1: been broken because you've realized that that you could do nothing.
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Speaker 1: I think oftentimes that's why, like in my own story,
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Speaker 1: I think oftentimes it's a blessing in some respects that
12:03
Speaker 1: I was such an idiot because it got me to
12:05
Speaker 1: the place where I had to just fall on my
12:07
Speaker 1: face and say, God, there's nothing good going on in
12:08
Speaker 1: my life here. I need you so badly, and like
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Speaker 1: people will get to that point in lots of different ways,
12:13
Speaker 1: but you have to get to the point. And so I.
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Speaker 4: Just have whatever it takes to get you to that
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Speaker 4: point of submission in your life. That's the beginning of
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Speaker 4: the transformation journey. Yes, until you submit and receive the grace,
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Speaker 4: because part to receive it, you're saying like I don't
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Speaker 4: deserve this, and that is the beginning of you glorifying
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Speaker 4: God when you see how great he is. Yes, not
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Speaker 4: just that you want to receive grace, but you understand
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Speaker 4: that he's capable of it and he's given it to
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Speaker 4: you free of charge.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's you know, I think about that all
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Speaker 1: the time, you because like what we're doing with the
12:46
Speaker 1: impossible life with Mighty Man, Like the way my life
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Speaker 1: is going, it's amazing. And I'm constantly reminded that God
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Speaker 1: broke in on my life when I wasn't even seeking him,
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Speaker 1: and it makes it impossible for me to feel a pride,
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Speaker 1: you know, like, oh, look what I've done, because I'm like, no,
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Speaker 1: look what the Lord has done, Like he got hold
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Speaker 1: of my life. And but for God, who knows you know,
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Speaker 1: what I'd be doing or where I'd be. So it's
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Speaker 1: so important, man, that revelation of grace. Grace really is amazing.
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Speaker 1: So understand, forgiveness happens in a moment. Now the restoration
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Speaker 1: here we go, Gee two Printhians five seventeen. This is separate.
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Speaker 1: Restoration forgiveness are separate. Therefore, if any man be in Christ,
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Speaker 1: he is a new creature. Old things are passed away. Behold,
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Speaker 1: all things are become new awesome. Well that means g
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Speaker 1: I was Chrius five Christ. Therefore I no longer live,
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Speaker 1: but Christ lives in me. So I've died, I've resurrected boom.
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Speaker 1: I don't want to sin anymore. Right, that's how it's
13:37
Speaker 1: going to be. Oh wait, looks like we need to
13:39
Speaker 1: dive in because understand, the New Testament was written in Greek.
13:43
Speaker 1: Greek is a very different language to English. Has three
13:45
Speaker 1: words for love. We have one, and so you have
13:48
Speaker 1: to start to dive into language a little bit. So
13:50
Speaker 1: the word become here is I don't know. You're probably
13:53
Speaker 1: going to correct my pronunciation, but I don't care. It's ginomi,
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Speaker 1: and it's properly to emerge, become transitioning from one point
14:02
Speaker 1: to another. It means to come into being, manifestation. It
14:05
Speaker 1: implies motion, movement, or growth. Well, dang it, gee, because
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Speaker 1: that doesn't sound very instant to me. Growth happens over
14:14
Speaker 1: long periods of time. As a matter of fact, we
14:17
Speaker 1: grow our entire lives. Shoot, So what you're telling me
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Speaker 1: is that when old things are passed away and all
14:24
Speaker 1: things become new, I don't just wake up one day
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Speaker 1: and feel like a different person.
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Speaker 4: Dang it didn't say it didn't say all things are
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Speaker 4: instantly new and everything is good for forever. Yeah, it's
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Speaker 4: a process and literally, our lives here on this earth
14:43
Speaker 4: are to experience this process and this greatness of God
14:46
Speaker 4: and get the opportunity to grow with him, to literally
14:51
Speaker 4: become something alongside him as we walk with him. This
14:55
Speaker 4: is what God destined from the beginning of time when
14:57
Speaker 4: he created Adam. He did not create Adam with all wisdom.
15:02
Speaker 4: He went in the garden and he walked with him.
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Speaker 4: What God wants to do with us is as just
15:06
Speaker 4: like a father does as you grow. I want to
15:08
Speaker 4: grow with you, and I want to establish my relationship
15:11
Speaker 4: through the development of your maturity and your greatness.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think you can.
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Speaker 4: You know.
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Speaker 1: I think people get mad about this sometimes because they're like, well,
15:20
Speaker 1: why is it like that? And once again, you have
15:23
Speaker 1: to submit to God. We don't know his plans. The
15:25
Speaker 1: lump of clay can't turn to the potter and say,
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Speaker 1: why do you make me like this? We have no
15:29
Speaker 1: idea what God has in store and eternity for us,
15:32
Speaker 1: right like we get pictures of it. But to say
15:33
Speaker 1: that we understand the mind of God from beginning to end,
15:36
Speaker 1: no man. A matter of fact, it says that in
15:37
Speaker 1: Scripture no man can fathom what he does from beginning
15:39
Speaker 1: to end. It's our favorite scripture and Ecclesiastes. So let's
15:43
Speaker 1: put these two together. Gee. So we've got forgiveness, which
15:45
Speaker 1: is instant, restoration, which takes time, takes time to become new.
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Speaker 1: So if we confess our son at sins, this is
15:52
Speaker 1: first John one to nine. If we confess our sins,
15:54
Speaker 1: is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins
15:57
Speaker 1: and purify us from all and righteousness. Forgiveness is instant
16:01
Speaker 1: because it's a free gift of grace that's granted. Purify
16:04
Speaker 1: takes time, Restoration takes time. So I'm going to ask
16:07
Speaker 1: the question again, Garrett, that we get so often. Yeah,
16:11
Speaker 1: I've changed, I'm falling after God, but my wife still
16:13
Speaker 1: doesn't trust me. How do I get her to trust
16:16
Speaker 1: me again?
16:18
Speaker 4: That that forgiveness process. First, it's you know, maybe your
16:22
Speaker 4: wife hasn't forgiven you, and that's going to be it's
16:25
Speaker 4: going to be really hard for us to get through
16:26
Speaker 4: that process. If your wife hasn't forgiven you. You know,
16:31
Speaker 4: there's a lot of different combinations of how this situation
16:34
Speaker 4: could be playing out. Your wife may know the Lord,
16:36
Speaker 4: she may not. If you're you may have received forgiveness
16:42
Speaker 4: from Christ and you may have changed in your situation,
16:45
Speaker 4: but other people might not forgive you. And what you
16:48
Speaker 4: have to do is instead of saying, hey, you're wrong,
16:50
Speaker 4: you're supposed to forgive me. What would Christ do if
16:54
Speaker 4: someone was mad at him and may and Christ obviously
16:57
Speaker 4: didn't do anything wrong, but maybe they're assuming he did
17:00
Speaker 4: something wrong and they have some sort of unforgiveness in
17:03
Speaker 4: their heart against Christ. You know what Christ would do.
17:05
Speaker 4: Christ would still love them, He would have grace in
17:07
Speaker 4: that situation, would do the best that he could to
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Speaker 4: show them what's right and to live it out and
17:11
Speaker 4: give them an opportunity to choose right. But when you
17:14
Speaker 4: try to force it upon someone and by the power
17:17
Speaker 4: of the law, which is not how forgiveness is processed,
17:21
Speaker 4: but by the power of the law, try to force
17:23
Speaker 4: someone into forgiving you, you're just pushing them further away.
17:26
Speaker 4: You don't beat people over the head into a relationship
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Speaker 4: with God. You let them experience the love of Christ.
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Speaker 4: And this is the It is the greatest superpower. It's
17:35
Speaker 4: the answer to every question that I don't know. The
17:38
Speaker 4: answer to is the power of God's love that in
17:41
Speaker 4: any situation, it's what fixed everything. When you look at
17:44
Speaker 4: the brokenness of this world. When you look at the
17:46
Speaker 4: sin of this world, what came in that fixed everything?
17:49
Speaker 4: They gave a path. It didn't make all things instantly
17:53
Speaker 4: perfect and immediately eradicate all sin from this world. That
17:56
Speaker 4: day is coming. But what gave the path for any
18:00
Speaker 4: at any time to see it, to get a path
18:03
Speaker 4: to being with God, to get a path to their
18:05
Speaker 4: destiny is the love of Christ. And so what you
18:08
Speaker 4: can bring into any situation, even if your wife is
18:10
Speaker 4: upset with you, your wife's mad at you, you bring
18:13
Speaker 4: when you're submitted, when you've received the love of God,
18:16
Speaker 4: and you bring the love of Christ into that situation,
18:18
Speaker 4: that may just be the very grace that your wife needs.
18:21
Speaker 4: You know that maybe you're extending her some grace that
18:23
Speaker 4: she didn't forgive you on the timeline that you wanted
18:25
Speaker 4: it to happen on. And this also turns into again
18:31
Speaker 4: some relationship psychology and identity as well. When you need
18:35
Speaker 4: someone to forgive you for you to feel validated, then
18:39
Speaker 4: you're going to be struggling in that relationship to get
18:42
Speaker 4: that forgiveness to happen. But when you say, you know what,
18:44
Speaker 4: whether my wife sees it or not, you know, I
18:47
Speaker 4: hate the mistakes that I made. I'm going to do
18:48
Speaker 4: everything that I can to be a great blessing to
18:50
Speaker 4: my wife and love her, and I'm not going to
18:52
Speaker 4: put this upon her. And I'll also just say in
18:55
Speaker 4: the context of men and women, it should be easier
18:59
Speaker 4: for me and to forgive a woman then a woman
19:02
Speaker 4: to forgive a man in a relationship. And I'm not
19:05
Speaker 4: giving a pass to anybody to hold on forgiveness in
19:08
Speaker 4: their heart. But the difference is that grace and that
19:13
Speaker 4: ability to forgive it comes from a position of strength.
19:17
Speaker 4: Why can God forgive the entire world for their sin
19:20
Speaker 4: because their sin can't break him? Okay, sometimes the mistakes
19:25
Speaker 4: that a man makes it breaks another woman, and it
19:28
Speaker 4: puts them into a place that they need some of
19:30
Speaker 4: their own restoration before they're ready and able to forgive
19:34
Speaker 4: because they're in a state of brokenness. And asking a
19:37
Speaker 4: broken person that you've broken to forgive you is quite
19:41
Speaker 4: a high challenge.
19:43
Speaker 1: That's such a good point, gre cause I think what
19:45
Speaker 1: this looks like practically is you know, you said you
19:48
Speaker 1: forgave me, but you keep bringing it up right and
19:50
Speaker 1: and to your point, it's like that person needs time
19:52
Speaker 1: to heal from their their brokenness. They need to be
19:56
Speaker 1: restored themselves. And I think as well, like if you
19:59
Speaker 1: can forgive, and I'm not necessarily talking about the heart
20:04
Speaker 1: the partner that's been harmed, but really this is just
20:06
Speaker 1: for anybody. Forgiveness is such a release. I don't think,
20:10
Speaker 1: like one of the best things I ever heard is
20:12
Speaker 1: like holding on forgiveness is like setting yourself on fire
20:15
Speaker 1: and hoping the other person dies from smoke INHALATIONI and
20:17
Speaker 1: that was from the freedom of course that we do
20:20
Speaker 1: in our church. And I remember I heard that, and
20:22
Speaker 1: I was like, it really is like it unlocks something
20:25
Speaker 1: in you, because you know, be holy as I am holy,
20:28
Speaker 1: like we're supposed to be like God in the earth.
20:30
Speaker 1: And as we were talking about in Classans three thirteen,
20:33
Speaker 1: forgive as God forgave you. It does something for you,
20:36
Speaker 1: and it absolutely releases you.
20:38
Speaker 4: It's also one of the most painful places you can
20:41
Speaker 4: be in in life, which is called trying to control
20:43
Speaker 4: the uncontrollables. When you're trying to do all these things
20:46
Speaker 4: very good to get somebody else to forgive you. You
20:50
Speaker 4: could be Jesus and someone could not forgive you. You
20:53
Speaker 4: can't control that. So what you can control and what
20:57
Speaker 4: you should live by is the things that you can control.
21:00
Speaker 4: I'm going to do all the things that I can do.
21:02
Speaker 4: And you know what, I also believe in the greatness
21:05
Speaker 4: of God that supersedes all in my capacity. That God,
21:08
Speaker 4: maybe you could soften this person's heart, help them forgive me.
21:11
Speaker 4: And if there's anything in my life that I need
21:14
Speaker 4: to change, what else do I need to be doing.
21:16
Speaker 4: I'm willing to do whatever you need me to do.
21:18
Speaker 1: God.
21:18
Speaker 4: I'm here to play my part. I'm here to love
21:20
Speaker 4: and serve other people. This isn't about me, and I
21:23
Speaker 4: would love for my relationship with my wife to be restored.
21:27
Speaker 4: So Lord, please soften their heart and reveal to me
21:29
Speaker 4: what else I need to change. And if you live
21:31
Speaker 4: that way, I promise you you're in a way faster path
21:34
Speaker 4: to forgiveness and restoration.
21:36
Speaker 1: That's so good, man, because that really is what it
21:38
Speaker 1: boils down to under Like that question how do I
21:41
Speaker 1: get her to see it? Is like how do I
21:43
Speaker 1: fast forward this? Like I don't want to. I don't
21:45
Speaker 1: want this to take so long. And while I get that,
21:48
Speaker 1: the definition of faithfulness is like it will reveal who
21:51
Speaker 1: you trust. And what you just said is if you
21:53
Speaker 1: trust God with your story and you're praying to him
21:55
Speaker 1: to soften hearts, and you're trusting that he's the one
21:58
Speaker 1: that's going to write it. You also trust that he's
21:59
Speaker 1: developing you in the process. Right, And we just went
22:02
Speaker 1: over what the process looks like to trust God to
22:04
Speaker 1: train you. And what I'll say is from walking this myself,
22:07
Speaker 1: because if you know my story, like I had to
22:08
Speaker 1: walk back in restoration. My wife forgave me, but I
22:10
Speaker 1: had to earn her trust back. And quite rightly, what
22:13
Speaker 1: develops in you as you walk back in that is
22:15
Speaker 1: grace and humility because you have to be humble enough
22:18
Speaker 1: to say, you know what, I don't get to determine
22:20
Speaker 1: the timeline of this, and I have to let go
22:22
Speaker 1: of control and trust God. And you also have grace
22:25
Speaker 1: to be like like you said, to trust you know what,
22:27
Speaker 1: I did some damage here, like I need to take
22:29
Speaker 1: I need to take ownership for the fact that maybe
22:31
Speaker 1: I did a lot more damage than I thought I did.
22:33
Speaker 1: And I have to have grace for the other person's
22:36
Speaker 1: process in this case, the person that I hurt. I
22:38
Speaker 1: to sit there and be like, hey, I hurt you,
22:40
Speaker 1: get over it like that that is not love right,
22:44
Speaker 1: and it's certainly not grace and.
22:46
Speaker 4: This so you've just got to understand this mentality and
22:49
Speaker 4: it's part of what really is. I think being a
22:52
Speaker 4: godly and biblical man looks like it's so much part
22:55
Speaker 4: of the mindset that we teach here is you know,
22:58
Speaker 4: Jacob didn't do anything wrong when he worked for seven
23:02
Speaker 4: years to try to pursue Rachel, but he got Leah,
23:06
Speaker 4: and then he had to work another seven to get
23:08
Speaker 4: Rachel and there were no mistakes made there. And sometimes
23:12
Speaker 4: you're going to have to go another lap then you
23:14
Speaker 4: want to go. Sometimes it's going to take a little
23:16
Speaker 4: bit longer than you think it should take, and most
23:19
Speaker 4: especially when you played a hand by your own hand
23:23
Speaker 4: and by your own mistakes, that you've caused yourself to
23:26
Speaker 4: take another lap. So you need to receive the grace
23:29
Speaker 4: of God and then putting this expectation on other people
23:32
Speaker 4: that like, hey, I got to figure it out. So
23:35
Speaker 4: you need to be perfect in your timeline of forgiveness
23:39
Speaker 4: and restoration of me. Other people are dealing with their
23:41
Speaker 4: own stuff. You will hurt forever in life when you
23:45
Speaker 4: are waiting for other people to make you feel good,
23:48
Speaker 4: and you will feel all the joy and all the
23:50
Speaker 4: peace and the greatness that comes with life. That when
23:53
Speaker 4: God's given his grace to you, Now the entire purpose
23:56
Speaker 4: of your life is to walk and show that grace
23:59
Speaker 4: to other people at the end of the day. Yes,
24:02
Speaker 4: it's going to be a very hard marriage, but at
24:04
Speaker 4: the end of the day, you do not need anyone
24:07
Speaker 4: else's grace other than the grace of God. And the
24:10
Speaker 4: more you are showing of that, the more you share
24:12
Speaker 4: that with people. It's crazy how much that just begins
24:15
Speaker 4: to unlock other people's transformation. Other people experience the grace
24:20
Speaker 4: of God in their life and you, guys can move
24:22
Speaker 4: down the road together. These are the beautiful stories of
24:25
Speaker 4: transformation that happen in people's lives and in people's relationships.
24:30
Speaker 4: You've got to give it up to God, truly. Let
24:32
Speaker 4: God do the work. And your spouses or your partners,
24:36
Speaker 4: or your business partners, whatever that issue of brokenness is,
24:39
Speaker 4: let God do that work. And you say, God, I'm
24:41
Speaker 4: going to do everything I can do. I know how
24:43
Speaker 4: YOURSS process works. Thank you for this grace that has
24:46
Speaker 4: restored me, that has cleansed me, that has given me peace.
24:50
Speaker 4: And God, you do what you're going to do to
24:51
Speaker 4: tell a great story in this.
24:54
Speaker 2: Thank you very much for listening. Guys, remember to share,
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Speaker 2: like subscribe. If you think that this would be something
25:00
Speaker 2: that someone would enjoy, please send it to them.
25:02
Speaker 1: We appreciate it all.
25:03
Speaker 2: If you want to get in touch, you can follow
25:05
Speaker 2: us on Instagram at the Impossible Life. You'll find us
25:09
Speaker 2: on there. You can also email at Impossible Life Podcasts
25:12
Speaker 2: at gmail dot.
25:13
Speaker 1: Com if you have any questions.
25:14
Speaker 2: If you want to get in touch and find out
25:16
Speaker 2: about Carrett's personal or business coaching, that's the way to
25:19
Speaker 2: do it. Thank you again for listening. Go out there
25:21
Speaker 2: and think better and live the impossible. See again soon.