Latest / An ASMR Practice / We’re squabbling 🆙

Transcript

We’re squabbling 🆙 · An ASMR Practice

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: So I just spoke to God again. I was trying
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: not to freak out. I was trying not to freak out.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I was about to just get directly on the pod, okay?
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I was about to be like, I got shit to say.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Everybody listen up. Then I was like, hold on, hold on.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Let's pray. Lamentation and gratitude. This is the protocol, motherfuckers.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Lamentation and gratitude. And we ended up at an interesting topic,
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: me and God. I'm not going to say too much, okay?
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: But there was a certain gentleman that I knew once.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: He told me to call him Art. He told me
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: to call him Art. That's what I called him. I
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: think it was probably a fake name. I think he knew.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I think he had the foresight to know that I
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: was going to talk about him on the pod. And
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: he was a secret agent kind of guy. Okay, I
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: don't want to say too much. He was in the
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: special forces. Let's put it like that, okay? We are
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: very special, these guys. These guys. I know some of
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: these guys. I've met a few of them. And I
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: only had sex with one of them, okay? Okay, so
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: the story is, this is what he told me. He
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: warned me. He warned me. He said, I am an
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: extremely greedy lover. This is what he said. And I
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: probably bit my finger a little bit. I said, that's
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: kind of hot. I'm not even going to lie, that
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: sounds kind of hot. But actually, at the end of
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: the day, it really wasn't. At the end of the day,
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I was kind of.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Extremely tired. I was kind of extremely tired.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: From our. From our. Counter. And like. You know. And
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: this reminds me. Of like. The story of how I
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: actually lost my virginity. Like when I lost my virginity
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: to a man.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Like when I had sex with a man.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: For the first time. I mean. I would say I
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: lost my virginity to a woman. Personally. But. The first
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: time I had sex with a man. It was sort
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: of like a sad situation. Like. This guy was fucked
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: up in the head and like, I was using him
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: straight up. Like, I was like, this guy is demonic.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: And I think I'm just kind of trying to get
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: this whole virginity thing out of the way so that like,
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: so that like a guy is not going to exploit it.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: You know, like, oh, you're a virgin. And also I lied.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I straight up lied to the guy. The first guy
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I ever slept with, I lied to him and I
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: told him I was not a virgin. Like I told
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: him I had done this before. Like, ah! Sorry. Like, J. Cole. Literally,
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: everybody go listen to Wet Dreams by J. Cole. Seriously. Guys.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Guys.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Um.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: And, uh.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: And, yeah. I don't regret it. I don't look at it,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think there are all sorts of people who, like,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: really love honesty in, like, an extreme way.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: And... I.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Just think, like, this is such a narrow worldview. This
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: is literally such a narrow worldview to have, like, you
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: have to tell the truth! Listen, the truth... This is
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: how I would describe the truth. I would say the
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: truth is a curation of information and details, okay? Like...
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: And it depends who you're talking to. Do you like
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: this person? Do you trust this person? Is it... Because
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: sometimes when you're with a certain kind of person, maybe
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: a lot of details aren't coming to mind, okay? Maybe... Maybe...
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're focused on other details in the room with us.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Does anybody know what I'm saying?
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: I have....
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: There's this memory.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know who did it, but.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: I was led to believe that a certain Jose... Because
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I had written about how I... I had cleaned his
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: truck once, okay? They cleaned his truck once. I don't
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: know what to say. I, you know, I used it
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: a lot on Sunday when Jeff Bezos made me his
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: freaking bitch. I used Jose's truck a lot, okay? And
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: I cleaned it once or twice.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't for him.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: It really wasn't for him because that shit.
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: Was looking really dirty.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: But it was kind of for him, maybe a little bit.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: I thought he was saying something.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: And, uh, I have been accused, I have, I have accused, okay,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I was speaking to another one of the guys, and
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I did accuse one of the white guys of having
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: a Latina fetish, because this is what I heard, this
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: is what I heard from another white guy, okay? He
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: told me that he had a Latina fetish, and not
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: only that, he told me that he has, like, a
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: thing for, like, Latinas that, like, look underage. That's what
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: he told me. And the guy fucking screamed at me. Like,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: the first interaction we ever had. Like, he's, like, rolling
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: his eyes at me. He's giving me attitude. And then
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: he screams at me. And I'm like, bro. What did
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I do to you? My understanding is.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: He doesn't like his own damn sister. He's telling me.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: He's coming to me like, take care of your man. Bro.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: What the fuck?
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: What do I look like? You think I'm gonna take
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: care of a... I'm... No. Like... Listen, I have taken-
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: He won't let me take care of him. How about
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: fucking that, actually? Y'all about to make me act up.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: I've tried.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: I've tried.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: We have a special situation on our hands with this guy, okay?
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I've literally tried. I've pulled out all the freaking stops.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: He won't let me. And the same fucking art guy
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: wouldn't let me either. He was like depressed. I was like,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: baby boy, let me rub you down. You know how
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: bad I want a massage right now? And I can't
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: afford it. I mean, I could. I have a credit card, actually.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I have three. I have three. I might have to
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: do that today, actually. Ugh. We'll see. I don't know.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I just am like, at this point, I don't even
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: want anything. Except like to die, maybe. Like one day, eventually. Like,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: no worries. I'm just talking to God a lot. I'm
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: writing a lot of poetry. I'm working on my stand-up routine. And,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: you know, I do a little bit of yoga here
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: and there. What happened yesterday that made me do yoga? Oh,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I was on a Zoom call. What the heck were
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: they talking? The lady was, like, she was, like, I
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: need a chiropractor. I was, like, okay, it's time. It's
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: time for yoga. I, like, cracked my own. I mean,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: I don't, it's not exactly, like, a crack. It's not, like,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: a chiropractic crack. It's just, like, I know the movements that, like,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: loosen the parts for me that need to be loosened, like. Listen,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: I'm taking care of myself. I fucking been doing this, bitch! Forever! Okay?
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: My father, listen, he liked to party, okay? He's speaking
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: through me. Oh my gosh, I found this freaking postcard.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: It's on my fridge now. Trashy diva! It's a piece
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: of trash that I found on the ground. It was
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: outside of the laundry store. And it's this beautiful redhead.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: She's looking at me. She's looking at me. Okay. Anyways.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: My dad. Maybe. Some would say he's an addict. Okay.
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: This is what some people would say. You know, I
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: have a certain community who, listen, I tried to tell them.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, I think I might be an addict. Guys,
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: they said, don't worry about it, girl. You're really young.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I said, you're really, really young. Don't worry about it yet.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: And my understanding is, I don't think I need to
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: worry about it. I don't think I need to worry
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: about it. I'm not worried about it. I like throwing
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: up sometimes. I can't make myself throw up. I've tried. Just...
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: I mean, I can. I actually can. I actually did
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: throw up last night.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: Due to, uh.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: But ultimately, like, I didn't drive my car.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: I literally didn't drive my car.
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: And....
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Was I coping probably pretty in a big way? Yeah. Yeah.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: And do they, does everybody just want to see me
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: institutionalized like extremely bad? Yeah, they do. And I'm not
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: going to do it. Fucking put me in jail. Fuck.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: You're going to have to force me into the institution, bitch.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. And I'm not going back to
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: school either because I don't have any money. I literally
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: don't even have money. I already did the scholarship thing. Like,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: get off my back, you fucking haters. I already did it.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: I already did it! If I acquire any more knowledge,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna die. I'm literally gonna die. I don't want
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: any more knowledge. It's just simply too much. And then,
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: you know, I can hear, you know, the freaking idiot saying, like, well,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: you have, like, a worthless, silly degree from, like, a
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: college that isn't even valid.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: This might be true. This literally might be true. My
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: understanding is they're actually firing a lot of people. But honestly,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: some of those people need to be fired. I'm going
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: to be honest. The people getting paid the most are
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: the people doing the least.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: That's all I'm going to say.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: That's all I'm going to freaking say. This is the
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: hill I'm freaking dying on. Motherfuckers. Because let me tell
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: you who's doing the most. It's the cooks and it's
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: the gosh darn housekeepers. Okay? And these are the people
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: that took care of me. These are like, admin, you
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: know what admin did? These motherfuckers, they looked at my
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: resume and they said, your love is too much. They said,
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: this is looking a little well-designed. They're like, nobody wants
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: your resume to be looking well-designed. They said, you should
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: make this look extremely standard, like as standard as possible.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: And you should not have fun with it at all.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: So I had fun with it. I literally made like
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: a beautiful resume. I bring it in and this freaking
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: white man is like, it's not basic enough. What the fuck?
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: What the actual hell and fuck? Oh my God. Oh
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: my God. Coffee. Oh my God. With the honey. I'm
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: out of syrup or I would do syrup. I'm going
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: to do a little bit of coconut sugar just for
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: good measure. Don't ask me what coconut sugar is. I'm
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: not really sure. I assume it's the sugar of a coconut.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: Sucre de coco. I bet that's how they say it
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: in French.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: Sucre de coco.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Wait. What is... I don't want to look anything up.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: I'm done. I wrote poems and I'm done for the day.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I'm going right. I'm riding bikes with my freaking friend later. Okay.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: The thing is, is y'all don't know shit about friendship. Okay. Men.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Y'all don't know. Y'all don't know what female, what, what
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: it's like for me to have a friend. You know,
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: and this was like something fucked up. Wait. I was
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: talking about... What was I talking about? Oh, man. I
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: think I lost it. Freaking guy. Freaking art. It all
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: comes back to art. And honestly... It was not that
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: good of sex. I'm gonna be honest. It was... I
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: was extremely attracted to him. And he was white. Like,
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: he was literally white. And... You know. I've been attracted
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: to all kinds of guys. Nobody believes me. Nobody believes me.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. I'm eating some pistachios so the coffee
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: isn't alone. It's probably unethical. Everything is just probably unethical.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: And we should all just like. Be really fucking ashamed
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: of ourselves. Constantly. Shame is extremely valuable. And we should
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: just wallow in shame. Constantly. For sure. For sure guy.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: I'm so fucking pissed. Like. I think for the longest
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: time I didn't, like, okay, I'm realizing also I was
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: probably just pissed because I was, like, literally hungry. Like,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I feel the power coming back to me with the
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: nuts and the pistachios. I want more. Wait, I got
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: this book. I really want to read this, actually. Unfortunately,
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: it is a science book. But... I think it's like...
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Hopefully it's written by a woman. Let's see. Let's see.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: It's another secret life book. Where I.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Sylvia! Sylvia! See, if you know anything about my universe...
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: Everybody kept trying to get me to read Sylvia Plath
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: in college, like my peers. And I was like, I
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: don't want to do this. Well, no, that's not true.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: That's not true. I probably would have, but my teacher...
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: I remember my teacher said... What did my... No, I
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: think my teacher actually taught a class on it that
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: I just didn't take. And I feel like somebody told me.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: It might have just been a dream. It might have
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: been God. It might have been my dead father. It
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: might have been my dead grandma. I don't know. I
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: received a message that... Don't read this. This is a distraction.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: Which this is also what I was told definitely by
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: my teacher about Nietzsche. They were like, don't read Nietzsche, girl,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: you're gonna get distracted. And, um... Saw something very compelling.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: As I was scrolling through. Spartan? Doctor... Doctor Nishi? It's
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: spelled different. Aww. Family member's name? Okay, okay. See, this is...
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: I was having a really bad time recently and.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: There was some book I was reading that was like... Really,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: really making it worse in a big way. So, okay.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. I used to have dreams... About... Well,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: I'd be like.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: Trying to read.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: In a dream... And... It's like I open a book
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: or I'm looking at a page and it's like damn
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: near every time... It's like the words are moving too fast.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: The words are moving, first of all, and they're moving
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: too fast and I can't read it. And I'm like
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: trying to read it and it's like the fucking Star Wars.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: It's literally like Star Wars. Like when it's playing that story...
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: In the beginning or end, I don't know. I'm not
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: super familiar with Star Wars. But you know what I'm
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: talking about. When it's angled and it's running through the
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: text really fast. I can't read this fast. I really
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: can't read this fast. And you know, it makes me
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: think of my good ex. My proper ex who asked...
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I was going to say we did it right, but
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know. We did something. We did something for sure.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: He's like married to a politician or something. I used
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: to be the politician. Her and I actually used to
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: do campaigning together. Believe it or not. And I don't
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: have any issue with her. I heard through the grapevine
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: that she has an issue with me. fucking story of
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: my goddamn life, like, whatever, the politicians are mad at
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: me again, okay, I need to go to stand-up, oh
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: my gosh, if I'm riding my bike later, with my friend.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Maybe I can convince him to go to stand up
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: with me. Yay. Okay. Because like the stand up place.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: And it's stand up day right. It's Tuesday. I'm pretty
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: sure it's stand up day. Which do I want to
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: do stand up. No but I. I'm curious to get
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: his perspective on this place. I'm hoping it's different. Like,
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: it changed a lot. Every time I went, it was different.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: And then it got way too populated with the youths.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: It got way too freaking populated. And like, I like
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: the youths. And, and, wait, what is this place called?
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: It brought up a really distracting place first. Oh, boy. Wait,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: it's not Halloween. It's the 27th. See, I literally dissociate
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: from the number 27. I seriously really do. In a
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: big way. You know, and I told my sister this, actually.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: The last anniversary of my father's death, I needed the
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: date for work. And I... I kept looking at my phone.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: And I kept just dissociating from the date. And then
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, I need the date. And I'd look
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: at my phone and I'd just dissociate. Straight up. And
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: then eventually it clicked. And I was like, oh, this
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: is the day my dad died. This is why I
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: try not to look at the date. Duh. I don't
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: need to cry because I don't feel. I could cry.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Like if I really wanted to cry, I could. But
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I don't require to cry, I don't think. I really,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: really want to go to this. But I don't even know. Like,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: they're not advertising it anymore, which leads me to believe... Okay. Yeah! Okay, okay, okay.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna send this to my friend really quick. Not
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: my long distance, friends. Why they gotta pop up first?
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: Ugh.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: Is fucking haunting me at all times. I think this
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: guy's working is the problem. Tomorrow. Everybody's just so busy.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Not me. Not me. I got a book here by
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: Sylvia Tara. PhD. You can go ahead and look up
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: her work and see if you can guess which one. Oh,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I guess I already said part of the title. Never mind.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: And the captions are Michael, or not the captions, but
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: the reviews are Michael, David, and Carl. Like, these are
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: highly symbolic. These are highly symbolic. And, you know, a hater...
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: A hater who's just not so sure. A hater who low-key,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: it would seem, has lied to me recently. Um.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: Um.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Is that my own memory? I don't remember. I think
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: they are zapping my memory from afar, actually. And, um.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: And, um.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just think this person confused me a lot.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: And I can't remember. Now I can't remember the freaking...
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: I can't remember. And they're, like, really weird about, like, I...
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: I don't... I don't know. I don't want... Is it
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: that they don't want to change? Is it that they
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: just simply don't? Is it that... Well, because, no, they said.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: They wrote it down. They freaking wrote it in a
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: letter to me. They said... I'm committing to the path
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: I've always committed to. Something like that. And... I mean,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: I don't care. I mean, that's fine. You can do that.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I can't do that. I don't think this is something
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: that's accessible to me. I really don't. And yeah, I
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: can already hear this fucking stupid argument. Like, oh, I'm
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: not saying you should. Okay, then why are you confusing me?
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: Why are you spinning me in circles? Why are you
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: doing this? Because it's fun?
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: Hmm.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: This is Mr. Doesn't-Wanna-Fucking-Ever-Have-Fun. That's not true, Mamrie. That's not true, Mamrie.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Now calm down, Mamrie.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: Does anybody know who this is from?
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Nobody knows who this is from. Oh, somebody does. Somebody does.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: Somebody does. I'm not sure who, but somebody does.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: Now, calm down, Mamrie.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: He likes to have fun in some ways. And, yeah.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I have faith. I mean, I literally have faith that
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Whatever's gonna happen is what's meant to happen. I'm not
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: really all that pressed about anything. I'm just gonna press
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: into my little squishy here. I just don't know. I mean,
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: what's the protocol? Am I supposed to go to fucking rehab?
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Is this what y'all want? Like, seriously? This is what
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: y'all want? This is what everybody wants? Faith should be
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: completely sober. I don't know. great i don't know you
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: know and i i knew another guy this guy was
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: addicted to heroin and he was also diagnosed as a
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: psychopath i kind of liked him straight up like he
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: never tried to hurt me at all he was extremely
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: respectful i met his entire family and they were awesome
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: and he learned empathy you can learn empathy and yeah
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: he he did heroin at a time i've never done
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: heroin I've never done heroin. I used to donate plasma,
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: so it might appear as though I did, but I
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: was just poor, and I donated my fucking life force
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: to the freaking machine, dude. And it made me extremely sick.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: I fainted. I fainted on my aunt's boat. I literally fainted.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: I gave plasma, and then I went, and I was
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: manning the boat. They were like, oh, Faith, do you
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: want to steer? I was like, oh, whatever. Sure. I'm like,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: probably drunk. I don't know. And I'm like, probably already sunburned.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: It doesn't take that long for me to get sunburned.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: I probably forgot sunscreen. Or I chose not to put
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: sunscreen on. I don't know. Or I just donated plasma.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: I literally just donated plasma. And they were messing me
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: up at the plasma place. Because, dude, this... really, really, actually,
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: deeply upset me, and nobody, nobody gave a fuck about this, like,
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: in my family, because there's classes, there's weight classes for
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: donating plasma, right, and when I weighed myself at home
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: I was in the middle class okay and then I
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: don't know what they were doing I think they were
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: trying to harvest more than their freaking fair share of
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: my freaking plasma because they would up it by like
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: 10 pounds dead ass On this stupid little scale that's
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: probably lying so that they can have more of my
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: literal life force. And it made me extremely ill. It
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: actually made me extremely ill. Because I was kind of
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: right on the cusp of middle and upper class. And
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: this is not financial at all. This is, I'm just,
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: I guess I am extremely large. I don't know what
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: to tell you. Oh my gosh. During one of my former, like, episodes,
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I was having an episode, and I saw this meme
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: that was so funny.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: Oh!
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: I was literally gonna talk about this before, and I
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: wasn't sure if I should, but it's come back. So...
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: When I went to see this guy once in a
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: country far, far away from here, I made an insensitive joke.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: I did make an insensitive joke. This is the kind
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: of thing that flies in my family. I don't know
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: what to tell you. Like, we're not, like, I don't
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: know what to tell you. I know very little about history.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: This was one thing I knew. It was a horror
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: that the freaking Westerners did when they came over and
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: they colonized this shit, okay? And I made an insensitive
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: joke about smallpox, okay? And then he called me giant.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: He called me giant. And it's like, I've had a
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: lifetime of eating disorders, bro. Please. It's like, obviously. Yeah, yeah. Obviously.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to understand that it wasn't about that. And obviously,
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not insecure about that. But it was just like...
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: What the fuck? It's just like, we are not... We
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: are clearly not on the same team. It would seem.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: The way he behaves towards me. It's like, do you
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: want me to communicate or not? I didn't communicate enough.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: And now it's like, oh, well, now I'm scared you're
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: not going to communicate enough. I'm like, all I do
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: is communicate. This is all I do. All day. All day.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: And I don't, there's some people I don't want to
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: communicate with. Straight up. And I don't have to. And
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to. So... But the thing I saw
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: that was really, really funny... It helped me reframe this whole...
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: I'm massive. I'm a monster. Oh, my God. I'm, like,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: a tall beast. I'm, like, a woman, first of all.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Everybody hates us. And then, also, I'm, like, inbred. I got, like,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: fucking freckles and, like, blue eyes and, like, blonde hair.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: And I just kind of look, like, extremely weird, you know,
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: or whatever they say. And.
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: Okay. And it's like, yeah, I just feel massive. I
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: was telling someone, I don't even remember. Oh, I do remember.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: My friend, Caleb. I used to work with him.
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: Um.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Um... I was telling him, I was like... Like, I
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: was starving myself. I was straight up starving myself in
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: high school. It wasn't for attention. At the time, it
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: was probably some kind of... I don't think it was
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: competitive either. They say eating disorders are competitive, and I
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: do see how that is true. Like, I think being
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: in the presence of someone who is more anorexic than
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: you when you're anorexic, like, it does fuel the anorexia.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Like, an enabler kind of situation,
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: and it's like, whatever. So, I think that is true.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I don't think I really, like, friends was not my
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: priority at all in high school. Like, at all. I
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: had one friend at a time, and usually some shit
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: would go down in the grapevine, and somebody would fucking
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: be mad at me. The whole community would be mad
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: at me, because I said something probably insensitive or something,
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: and everybody is just extremely bitch-made these days. I don't
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: know what to tell you. I would read The Coddling
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: of the American Mind, perhaps, by Jonathan Haidt. Um, I'm
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: pretty sure I did read that. Actually, I'm pretty sure
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: I forced my freaking, what do you call this, my
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: pit boss? My pit boss? My guy who was smoking
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: the meats? I'm pretty sure I forced him to listen
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: to it with me, because I put that shit, I
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: put that audible, I put that audiobook on the freaking
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: aux at work. We were there, like, super early in
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: the morning, and I was like, time to learn. Um.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: And he might have had headphones in. I honestly don't know.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: He was usually doing his own thing. He was smoking
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: the meats. I was, like, cutting the cheese. I was
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: cutting the cheese and.
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: What else?
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: I cut a lot of lettuce. I cut a lot
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: of potatoes. You would not believe how many potatoes I cut.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: We hand cut those bitches. We hand cut them. Dude,
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: we would feel... On a weekend, we would fill, I
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: want to say, seven to nine five-gallon buckets. So what's that,
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: like 35?
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: And to 45, question mark? I used to be good
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: at math, but the thing is, is my mom teaches math, dude.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: She made me like math. I didn't even want to
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: like it. She's like, math is essential. No, it's not.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: Ever heard of a calculator? We got calculators on our
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: damn phones. What are we doing? This is stupid. I'm
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: not doing math. I'm not remembering math. I'm not storing
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: math in my head anymore. This is stupid. This is
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: literally stupid. I am storing memories. Memories. Pictures of dogs
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: that I've loved. Pictures of cats. images of cats um
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: what else but yeah I was telling my friend that
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: I used to work with I was telling him I
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: was like it's just like I was so I was
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: fainting like everyday from not eating I was like literally
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: fainting everyday And this is high school. It got to
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: a point where that's what was happening. It took a while.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think I was like a little chubby
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: before that. And then.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: And.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Then I don't really know what happened. My dad died,
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: question mark? Everyone else seemed to gain weight after that.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: I was like, I have no reason to go on. Yeah. Now,
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: now I have poetry, okay? Now I have the pod.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: I have a couple of church options. I actually have,
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: I would say there's three, there's four churches I am
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: somewhat familiar with. And, um, you know, I got, I got,
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: the squirrels are putting on a show for me right now.
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: Ugh!
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: This, they want me to talk about. This freaking bitch. No. No.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: This lady. She was my teacher. Okay. And I guess
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know that it's she. They. They had my
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: back in the beginning. And they had a lot of
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: information and a lot of tools. Like they were. I
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: just remember like being. It was like Zoom. Office hours.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: So it was, like, online, and they were sending me links.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: They were sending me so many gosh darn links and, like, titles, and,
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm... I had never even exchanged information this fast.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: I was, like, I was blown away by this. And
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: I'm taking notes, and I feel... like I engaged with
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of the stuff they sent me because I was, like,
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: I was kind of impressed. I don't know. And then, like,
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: I sought their guidance later, and I had a dream.
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: I literally had a dream. I had a vision. And
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: they were like, this is not ambitious enough. They were like,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: this is... I just wanted to, like, do what I love.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: I literally just wanted to do what I love. Which is, like, be, like,
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: unemotional and, like, spiritual and, like, kind of holistic being.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: And they were like, this is not ambitious enough. They
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: were like, this is never going to fly. And they
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: were right. Because in my plan meeting, that did not
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: go so well. It really did not go so well.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: They were just like, this is too much, girl. Squirrels
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: are being extremely funny right now. And this lady, she
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: has the word squirrel in her Instagram handle. And I
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: don't want to reach out to her, really. I mean, yeah.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not ambitious enough, okay. Join the freaking club of
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: people who say this now. I was too ambitious, now
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: I'm not ambitious enough. God forbid. God forbid. I didn't
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: force myself to go to sleep with my last job.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: I didn't just fucking numb myself out with sleeping pills.
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: I didn't just completely turn myself off so that I
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: could go into work and do it the next day.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: And I also didn't call out sick because they'd be
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: calling out sick so much. And it really just fucks
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: up my life. Everyone calls out sick and I'm like,
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: are you really sick or you just wanted me to
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: work till fucking 7pm? You wanted me to work 7
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: to 7. Me.
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: A girl.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: A woman. Question mark. I didn't call out sick. And
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: I didn't get institutionalized. And I don't even think I
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: had access. I mean, I could be wrong about this.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: I want to say that you don't have access to FMLA,
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: the family medical leave, whatever. I want to say you
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: don't have access to that as the position that I was.
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I could have taken this. I could
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: have taken a sick day. fundamentally I didn't feel sick
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: in the morning I felt fine in the morning I
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: felt bad when I was crashing you know in the
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: middle of the day um and yeah I went a
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: little crazy because I couldn't sleep or I wouldn't sleep
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: I couldn't sleep I tried There were several nights where
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: I just laid in bed awake and I just literally
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: held my chest and I literally just prayed. Cried. And
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: I hope nobody else is doing this. I really do. Like,
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: I hope no one else is going through this. I'm hearing.
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: I'm hearing that something's going on with the women right now.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: There's kind of two camps, it would seem. There's, like,
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: extreme workaholics. And then there's, like, just... I don't know.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: I heard from another person that, like, something's going on
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: with everybody's period. I don't know if this is, like,
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: geological or what, but... I heard that the poles can, like, shift.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: I feel like my geology freaking teacher told me this.
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: And he was like, it's gonna happen soon. And I
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: should have asked more questions. I was like... Because I
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: was like, what does that even mean? How are the
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: poles switching? Like... Something like that. Something switched sides. And
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: they were like, we don't know what's going to happen.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: We'll see. They're like, it should be fine. That could
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: have been a dream. I'm not sure. I'm really not sure.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: pretty sure it was real because i remember feeling extremely
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: concerned when i was told this i was like what
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: do you mean the poles are switching what do you
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: mean what do you mean the magnets are doing something
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: new oh And I still don't know. I still don't know. Ultimately,
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: I was like, this is not my cross to bear.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: The professionals are on it, I think. This cannot be
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: my business. Yeah, what's up? I'm Carlos' mom. That's what
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: I am. Yeah. Yeah? Okay. Can I hold you?
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: I'm forklifting you. Just kidding, I'll hold you like a baby.
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you for letting me hold you, Carlos. Boys don't
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: want to be held these days. Boys are like really,
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: I don't know. There's something going on. It probably has
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: to do with the poles and the magnets. Probably physical
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: science related. I don't really like it. Like, why not
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: just let someone love you? Is it really that scary?
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: Is it really that scary? I let people love me
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: all the time. I kind of prefer, this is like
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: kind of my preferred state, is being loved, actually. Why
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: do y'all want to be hated so bad? What have
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: you done? Like, what have you done? Seriously, it's like,
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: you feel like you need to be punished forever. Everybody,
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: go listen to the song, Grace. By Grace something. Let
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: me look it up. No, Carlos, stop. I'm holding you.
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: I'm holding you very gently. Grace Runkle. Everybody go listen
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: to it. How much do I owe you? We really
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: just gotta torture each other forever? Really, guys? World peace.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, I thought this was everybody's, like, dream. Like,
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: the good ones, you know? Like, the good, like, actual
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: people and not, like, the corporations, you know? Like, I
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: thought we wanted to, like, be, like, in peace. I
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: don't get it. I've been saying this. I've been saying
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: this since I was like six. Literally. And um. I
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: don't know. Squabble up. Alright. We're squabbling up. Let's do
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: it guys. Yay.