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When Can We Talk · I Hate Talking

• 0:30
  I Hate Talking: Alright, we are back for episode 4 of I Hate Talking, and tonight we are going to be talking about Time, but before we do that, we're going to be introducing a somewhat random.
• 0:45
  I Hate Talking: Word of the episode.
• 0:48
  I Hate Talking: Malady.
• 0:50
  I Hate Talking: Is that a word?
• 0:52
  I Hate Talking: I know the phrase, my lady.
• 0:54
  I Hate Talking: So, it's interesting to note that in the current vernacular that came, I think from either French or English that malady is just one word.
• 1:06
  I Hate Talking: So the English uh originally came up with my lord, which was two words, and then the French took that and made it into just, you know, smashed it together and made it into my lord.
• 1:23
  I Hate Talking: Hm.
• 1:24
  I Hate Talking: And then later the uh lady aspect of that one single smashed together word was again introduced by the French malady.
• 1:37
  I Hate Talking: And then the English took that from the French language and it became an English word, malady.
• 1:45
  I Hate Talking: So it's not a phrase, I think, my lady.
• 1:48
  I Hate Talking: Is a phrase.
• 1:50
  I Hate Talking: You're saying it's one word.
• 1:52
  I Hate Talking: That would point to a specific person.
• 1:57
  I Hate Talking: One word, one specific person.
• 2:00
  I Hate Talking: Yes.
• 2:01
  I Hate Talking: I want to teach our boys this phrase, this word.
• 2:05
  I Hate Talking: It's not a phrase, it's a word.
• 2:06
  I Hate Talking: And again, points back to the conversation that we had last episode that English is not really a language, it's just a complete mashup of a variety of languages.
• 2:20
  I Hate Talking: So hard, so hard to teach it.
• 2:22
  I Hate Talking: Indeed.
• 2:24
  I Hate Talking: So, when can we talk?
• 2:26
  I Hate Talking: I don't know.
• 2:28
  I Hate Talking: Well, that is the question of this episode when we are going to be talking about times that people hate talking or perhaps the days or months or years that people hate talking.
• 2:44
  I Hate Talking: Hm, I want to hear your years because I definitely talk more than I should and put my foot in my mouth.
• 2:52
  I Hate Talking: And so I want to hear of people who go years without talking or in inappropriate times of talking.
• 3:00
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I think that most people when they hear the question, when can we talk, are going to be thinking about a particular time of day or maybe even a particular day of the week where they can schedule some time to have a conversation, perhaps, uh, later in the evening, first thing in the morning, Friday afternoon, Sunday night, but.
• 3:26
  I Hate Talking: To your point, there also can be times within our life that we are going to be expanding beyond just days and hours and minutes and seconds, but actually even Into months and years, perhaps that we are hating conversation.
• 3:47
  I Hate Talking: So you're thinking as a whole where you hate talking for these amounts of time.
• 3:54
  I Hate Talking: Cause the only time in my head that comes up of here not talking would be someone taking a vow of silence.
• 4:00
  I Hate Talking: Based on religion or moral choices.
• 4:06
  I Hate Talking: That could be.
• 4:08
  I Hate Talking: I think perhaps the easiest thing to do is get the simple question out of the way and talk about the straightforward thing that people do think about when you hear the question, when can we talk?
• 4:20
  I Hate Talking: and address when perhaps the best time of day to talk is or the best time during the week to talk is.
• 4:28
  I Hate Talking: OK, I definitely want to hear your perspective because the biggest one, I had a lot of blessings and great things that happen in college.
• 4:37
  I Hate Talking: I loved my college, I loved the friendships and connections I made there.
• 4:42
  I Hate Talking: One of the best things I learned was not to talk the second I wake up.
• 4:46
  I Hate Talking: Cause I wake up and I have a million thoughts, I want to rattle off in my head and my roommate.
• 4:53
  I Hate Talking: I love her, could not handle it.
• 4:56
  I Hate Talking: She needed silence for a good portion of the time in the morning.
• 5:00
  I Hate Talking: And That was hard to learn, because I'd never had a roommate necessarily before, and I had to learn to hold my tongue and just be quiet for a while.
• 5:12
  I Hate Talking: And now, as married to you, I feel like that's a benefit.
• 5:15
  I Hate Talking: I think you enjoy that morning, a quiet time as well, even though my brain is screaming, Ted say every thought I have in my head the second my eyes wake up.
• 5:26
  I Hate Talking: And I would perhaps posit to you that maybe even you enjoy that quiet time in the morning because we have certain children within the household that have that same disposition to start speaking immediately after their eyes open.
• 5:41
  I Hate Talking: -- And -- I don't enjoy that necessarily.
• 5:43
  I Hate Talking: It's true.
• 5:44
  I Hate Talking: So I can put myself in your guys' position that I need a couple of seconds to wake up.
• 5:49
  I Hate Talking: And collect my thoughts before I hear somebody else's thoughts and dreams for the day.
• 5:56
  I Hate Talking: Yep, I don't think that it's, uh, any surprise that there is a coffee mug that says don't talk to me until after my first cup of coffee.
• 6:06
  I Hate Talking: Right.
• 6:07
  I Hate Talking: So perhaps early morning, people hate talking immediately after waking up.
• 6:13
  I Hate Talking: What about the other end of the spectrum?
• 6:16
  I Hate Talking: As we approach bedtime and are preparing for our nighttime.
• 6:22
  I Hate Talking: Mhm.
• 6:23
  I Hate Talking: That's where I would be on the other spectrum, where I, my brain's already shutting down.
• 6:28
  I Hate Talking: I wanna, I don't want to think about anything serious or important.
• 6:34
  I Hate Talking: Um, I'm already checking out.
• 6:38
  I Hate Talking: I think that's when you often have a lot of good thoughts and moments to talk.
• 6:43
  I Hate Talking: And my brain is not prepared to reactivate, if that makes sense.
• 6:51
  I Hate Talking: Very true, and I think that is applicable even tonight.
• 6:56
  I Hate Talking: Because we are recording late into the evening.
• 7:00
  I Hate Talking: Mhm.
• 7:00
  I Hate Talking: I love you and I love spending this time with you, but this is a sacrifice for and uh difficult for me to um my instinct is just to curl up in my pajamas right now and go to sleep, but I'm sitting here having a conversation instead.
• 7:17
  I Hate Talking: Indeed.
• 7:18
  I Hate Talking: So I think we can ascertain that perhaps there are certain times of the day that people hate talking, whether that be very early in the morning or very late or in the evening.
• 7:30
  I Hate Talking: And I think there even is some cultural aspects that would hate talking during the afternoon because that is their time to take a break and have uh a break in their day in terms of uh taking a break from work or uh having that pause within their midday time.
• 7:48
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I mean, I'm not an expert at all, but I did get a study abroad in college some.
• 7:54
  I Hate Talking: And I was shocked that the cultures I was in, they shut down for a siesta, which I'd heard of, but I didn't realize that it was a true Do nothing time.
• 8:10
  I Hate Talking: And um I don't know what they did in their houses, if they talked to one another or whatnot, but during that time, I did not have communication with locals.
• 8:20
  I Hate Talking: And um interactions with them, it was silent.
• 8:24
  I Hate Talking: So like you're saying that midday in the middle.
• 8:28
  I Hate Talking: Could very well be a cultural thing.
• 8:31
  I Hate Talking: So it sounds like we're coming to the conclusions that perhaps mid-morning or a late afternoon, early evening may be the majority's time to actually have some serious conversations.
• 8:46
  I Hate Talking: So that's when you should be making your business calls or your serious conversations with family.
• 8:52
  I Hate Talking: Is mid-morning or mid-afternoon, you're saying?
• 8:56
  I Hate Talking: I do believe that these cultural distinctions exist for a reason and that that is perhaps one of the reasons that perhaps you will have better conversations if you avoid early morning.
• 9:11
  I Hate Talking: The early afternoon siesta or the late evening pre bedtime.
• 9:17
  I Hate Talking: And one day, maybe we can record a podcast in the morning and see how well your brain interacts.
• 9:26
  I Hate Talking: Very true.
• 9:27
  I Hate Talking: We can also see uh how good the ratings are.
• 9:30
  I Hate Talking: Oh no, that's a good test.
• 9:33
  I Hate Talking: So moving on from the time of day, is there a particular day of the week that people hate talking?
• 9:39
  I Hate Talking: Hm.
• 9:40
  I Hate Talking: I think, I mean, again, I could just keep going back to cultural, but like.
• 9:45
  I Hate Talking: Mondays are so grumpy because the week's starting, and it's back to the grind again.
• 9:53
  I Hate Talking: So I I assume that that would be the time that at least I would not be super enthusiastic.
• 10:00
  I Hate Talking: Um, but then the same thing with maybe religions or cultural things where there aren't appropriate times, maybe on a Saturday, Sunday, or Friday night, or even Sunday.
• 10:12
  I Hate Talking: That would keep people from being super chatty.
• 10:17
  I Hate Talking: Or have deep conversations.
• 10:20
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I think even the Sunday evenings could be a time to avoid because there is that phrase Sunday scary when you are getting ready for that Monday grind that uh perhaps you're not in the right mindset on a on a Sunday night either.
• 10:36
  I Hate Talking: I remember being sad on Sunday nights like, here we go again.
• 10:40
  I Hate Talking: It's we're starting.
• 10:42
  I Hate Talking: It all over again.
• 10:44
  I Hate Talking: Well, there you have it.
• 10:46
  I Hate Talking: So perhaps Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, not so much Sundays and definitely not Mondays.
• 10:54
  I Hate Talking: So if you had a day where you had to have a conversation with someone, what day would you choose to have it?
• 11:01
  I Hate Talking: I do agree.
• 11:03
  I Hate Talking: Sunday evening's probably not a great time for that very reason.
• 11:09
  I Hate Talking: Uh, other than that, I don't know if I would really have any particular personal preference.
• 11:15
  I Hate Talking: So, we used to have our family meetings on Sunday nights, where we went through the budget and the plans, and it just drained me, and we haven't done it for a while because we're routinely for a while because I'm so drained in those conversations.
• 11:33
  I Hate Talking: So are you proposing that we have a different day and maybe I'd be more receptive to these conversations?
• 11:40
  I Hate Talking: And perhaps even I would be more receptive to these conversations.
• 11:45
  I Hate Talking: So I think we are actually living out our tagline on being on the journey to understanding through these conversations that we're having right now.
• 11:52
  I Hate Talking: Look at us.
• 11:54
  I Hate Talking: So we've answered the easy questions.
• 11:57
  I Hate Talking: When during the day people hate talking and when during the week people hate talking.
• 12:03
  I Hate Talking: So now let's broaden our time horizon and consider perhaps uh what time of the month or year or lifetime that people hate talking and try to come to the conclusion and answer the question, when can we talk?
• 12:20
  I Hate Talking: Well, there's a lot there.
• 12:22
  I Hate Talking: I don't know which way you wanna go, so I'll let you talk first.
• 12:26
  I Hate Talking: Well, certainly, I think when I said the word monthly that all of our adult listeners had a certain concept come to their head on a particular time of the month that perhaps we want to avoid talking.
• 12:40
  I Hate Talking: But not you, because you don't have these issues with your wife.
• 12:44
  I Hate Talking: Not at all.
• 12:45
  I Hate Talking: So that's one time, uh, in the broader time horizon that perhaps people will hate talking.
• 12:53
  I Hate Talking: I feel bad for them.
• 12:55
  I Hate Talking: I'm glad you don't sympathize.
• 12:57
  I Hate Talking: So, there's also for maybe particular times of the year that people hate talking or again, may not have the aptitude to handle a conversation.
• 13:11
  I Hate Talking: So we have to ask the question.
• 13:13
  I Hate Talking: When are other times that we can talk.
• 13:16
  I Hate Talking: So perhaps I would think that maybe some of these times during the year are going to be major holidays.
• 13:22
  I Hate Talking: So in our Western culture here in America, that's probably gonna be Thanksgiving and Christmas, that uh perhaps there's going to be some awkward conversations and people are not going to want to talk even though they are.
• 13:36
  I Hate Talking: Probably gathered with family and friends, uh, but that does have perhaps some undue burden, uh, and they may ask.
• 13:45
  I Hate Talking: When can we talk a different time outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas.
• 13:50
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I love that you said that, because, especially in our culture, Thanksgiving and Christmas are when you see a lot of family.
• 13:58
  I Hate Talking: Around the dinner table conversations come up that are hot button topics.
• 14:05
  I Hate Talking: And I get so frustrated because These are like super happy times.
• 14:11
  I Hate Talking: I love the Christmas lights and the Christmas carols, and all the jolliness that comes with it.
• 14:17
  I Hate Talking: But when you are dreading those conversations and those um discussions, it is frustrating cause it's like, why can't we talk about this in February when we don't have much going on.
• 14:31
  I Hate Talking: And then on the flip side, in January and February, you have people that are asking you what your New Year's resolution is, and they're wishing you happy New Year.
• 14:43
  I Hate Talking: And it really begs the question, just how long into the new year can you wish someone happy New Year?
• 14:49
  I Hate Talking: Hm, I don't know.
• 14:52
  I Hate Talking: I mean, if someone told it to me 2nd week, I think they were strange.
• 14:57
  I Hate Talking: But what is the stat?
• 14:59
  I Hate Talking: I'm trying to remember off the top of my head.
• 15:01
  I Hate Talking: Is it like the 3rd week of January or 1st week of February, something like that, where people um give up their resolutions.
• 15:11
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, definitely I think I would recall first week of February or last week of January.
• 15:18
  I Hate Talking: So are you saying that would be a good indication to no longer wish someone a happy New Year, even if it is the very first time that you've seen that person in the new year?
• 15:27
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, I think by February, you shouldn't be mentioning New Year, you shouldn't be mentioning resolutions.
• 15:34
  I Hate Talking: You're on to it and move on with your life.
• 15:38
  I Hate Talking: Well, there you have it, folks.
• 15:39
  I Hate Talking: January 31st, that's the deadline.
• 15:42
  I Hate Talking: Wish everyone happy New Year.
• 15:44
  I Hate Talking: Ask about the resolutions.
• 15:45
  I Hate Talking: After that, -- you need to wait until the next January -- 1st.
• 15:50
  I Hate Talking: You have 11 more months.
• 15:51
  I Hate Talking: Yeah, don't bother.
• 15:52
  I Hate Talking: All right, so, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's.
• 15:59
  I Hate Talking: Again, we'll broaden the time horizon one more time.
• 16:04
  I Hate Talking: When during the lifetime of a person.
• 16:08
  I Hate Talking: Do people hate talking and In consideration of that, when can we talk?
• 16:14
  I Hate Talking: I feel like college kids have a lot to say and have a lot of opinions.
• 16:20
  I Hate Talking: Um, I feel like the older you get, maybe.
• 16:25
  I Hate Talking: You start to lessen those opinions.
• 16:28
  I Hate Talking: And I definitely feel like the older generation.
• 16:32
  I Hate Talking: Those in the 80s and 90s have far less opinions, or if they have them, they're less vocal.
• 16:39
  I Hate Talking: About them and dogmatic.
• 16:42
  I Hate Talking: But maybe, I don't know if that's their age that comes with it, or if that is um The year that they grew up in being less dogmatic.
• 16:54
  I Hate Talking: Cause I, I think of my grandmother and she's one of the most amazing people I know.
• 16:59
  I Hate Talking: She is gone now.
• 17:01
  I Hate Talking: But she was not dogmatic.
• 17:03
  I Hate Talking: About what she believed, even though she had strong opinions.
• 17:07
  I Hate Talking: But I think of much younger people that would.
• 17:12
  I Hate Talking: Right very strongly about with their opinions.
• 17:15
  I Hate Talking: So is that because they have become less dogmatic in their old age or because their values have changed and they therefore value the relationship and the conversation -- over the position of being -- right?
• 17:29
  I Hate Talking: Mhm.
• 17:29
  I Hate Talking: I think that's what it is.
• 17:31
  I Hate Talking: I think it's the latter that they value the opinions or the relationship.
• 17:36
  I Hate Talking: Knowing that we all have our strong opinions.
• 17:41
  I Hate Talking: But that at the end of the day, We aren't gonna agree on everything, nor do we need to fight to agree on everything.
• 17:51
  I Hate Talking: Well, there you have it.
• 17:53
  I Hate Talking: So I think we've covered a number of interesting things in relation to time and when we can talk in the microscopic daily time of mid-morning, late afternoon from the perhaps day of the week and avoiding Sundays and Mondays of perhaps avoiding a certain time period during the month.
• 18:20
  I Hate Talking: And at least 3 specific times during the year in our Western culture, but when it all comes down to it, we cannot wait too long because time is ticking away and we want to preserve those relationships and continue that journey to understanding.
• 18:37
  I Hate Talking: So until next time, from your friends at IH Talking, remember, it is only through talking that we begin the journey to understanding.