Latest / Chris Thrall's Bought the T-Shirt Podcast / Recovering from Sociopaths, Narcissists & Complex Trauma | Evette Rose

Transcript

Recovering from Sociopaths, Narcissists & Complex Trauma | Evette Rose · Chris Thrall's Bought the T-Shirt Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hello friends.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: I'm your host, Chris Throw.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a former Ruleries commando.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: I've adventured for better and sometimes worse, across eighty countries
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: on all seven continents.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Port the t Shirt Podcast, Evett.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: How are you.
• 0:28
  Speaker 4: Hi, Chris? Great, fantastic, so happy to be here. I'm thrilled.
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: How are you doing today?
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, I'm absolutely super. I got up early this morning.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: I think I was up at five, not as early
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: as yesterday. I was up at half past two for
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: some crazy reason. And I, oh my god, I like
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: to jog around the you know, around the neighborhood in
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: the morning. And see, we've got a lot of wild
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: deer that are rampaging our city. So you see them
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: in the weirdest places. It's almost like they're using the
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: telephone boxes. We don't actually have telephone boxes in the
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: UK anymore, but it's it's really weird. I was out
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: in my run and I stopped to make a quick
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: video for my Instagram and I turned and there were
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: two stags just about five meters away to fall. So
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: I've done that. After my sauna, I've had a drink
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: of super Greens and yeah, and like I said in
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: our chat earlier, I wake up in paradise, and I
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: go to bed in paradise, and I don't I refuse
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: anything else. As a veteran, this is quite important because
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: you hear about PTSD trauma. The Americans have started calling
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: it the thing about the Thing, And what they mean
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: is the public thing that PTSD is something you get
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: in a war. And yes, that can be true, and
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: that's very very sad. But what the reason they say
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: the thing about the thing is no one wants to
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: sort of talk about the fact that no, we really
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: were traumatized in childhood and that set us on this
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: life pathway of being that type of character that will
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: go into the military. And if you think about it,
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: it's a pretty sociopathic job job being a soldier because
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: you're you volunteer to go and kill people you don't
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: even know. I mean, it's when you put it like that,
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: it's crazy. And we have a massive mental health problem
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: in the veterans community. We lose a lot of people.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: And I think people know what I mean by that.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: And if there's any way I can have a conversation
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: with somebody with your catalog of skills, which is just
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: incredible author of nineteen books, folks counselor PhD, a specialist
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: in all the therapies that are out there, and also
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: a very lovely, lovely person. And if you can help
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: us a vet and I'm not just talking veterans here,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: there's a lot of unfulfilled people. Let's call it out there.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: If we can have a chat that can bring to
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: light some of the strategies that you use or I
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: use to you know, keep smiling and not always be thinking.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: I suppose the grass is greener if I was to
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: do this, or if I was to earn this money,
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: or drive this car or do that job, because you know,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: when you meet the people that have done all that,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: and ye know they're not necessarily the best skilled human beings. Yeah.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: I meet a lot of people in lycra riding their
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: three thousand pounds mountain bike when I'm out running or
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: I'm out on my bike, and they can even say
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: hello with that. They're so damaged as individuals. They probably
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: run you know, million dollar a year company, but they
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: can't even look up say hih okay, you know we've
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: been broken by society. The phone obviously is big responsibility
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: for that. So I've said enough. I just wanted to
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: kind of lay the table out there so people who
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: don't don't know me know where I'm coming from and
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: over to you of that you have a fascinating heritage
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: that I do.
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: Yes, And one thing that I can say to even
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: start off with when I work with my clients with
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: it is my workshop when we start to talk about PTSD.
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: What a lot of people that I've come to learn
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: don't understand about this is they think, as you said,
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: it can happen when you only go to war. They
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: think it can only happen when you've been through traumatic event.
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: But you know, the biggest lead on to PTSD what
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: I've seen in my clients and students is long term
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: low level stress. It's a silent killer. It is just
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: as dangerous as a one off traumatic event. And we
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: know it becomes a traumatic event because we maybe didn't
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: have a compassionate witness to help us to feel safe
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: and to regulate and to connect to, or we didn't
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: have the internal resources that we could connect to or
• 5:30
  Speaker 4: have access to to help us to maybe you rationalize
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: our way out of it, or to find an immediate
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: solution to bring us into a state of safety, which
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: is what the nervous system wants. So when that final
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: flight response is triggered, the only thing that the body
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: wants is to find immediate safety. And when we can't
• 5:47
  Speaker 4: find that, that's when it's going to register as a
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: traumatic event and it's going to be filed very deeply
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: into the subconscious mind. And on top of that, what
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: happens is we experience so much quartosol, and adrenaline is
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: great to help consolidate memories, but quartosol disrupts the layering
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: in of memories in the hypocampus. And now what happens
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: on top of that is, this is how we can
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: become dissociated. When there's too much quartosol every day, NonStop,
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: go go, go work. You know, we're in survival mode.
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: We get stuck in that fear response. And what happens
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: when that cortosol in our body is being flooded. We
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: know what happens to the immune system. Immune system is
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: also connected and regulating the nervous system and of course
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: our health. And if we're always in that fear, in
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: that fight and flight state, we're looking this way trying
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: to survive. Well, who's looking this way? To see which
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: organism or organisms and viruses and bacteria is coming into
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: the body because the immune system is so depleted and
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: exhausted because everything is being pulled from the body to
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: stay in that hyper flight fight and flight state. So
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: this is very problematic. Our lives is constantly in fight
• 6:54
  Speaker 4: and flight. And so what I'm seeing with people, just
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: even over achievers. I can't tell you how many overachievers
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: are actually struggling with PTSD and they have no idea.
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: They have absolutely no idea, and that is because they
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: becomes so desensitized, so dissociated, stuck in that freeze response.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: Because what happens is when we become stuck in that
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: freeze response is we also have endoorphis as being released
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: to help us feel a bit more comfortable. So sometimes
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: that emotional numbness, that phone response actually starts to become
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: comfortable and that survival strategy becomes a lifestyle. And this
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: is the problem that we don't realize that the way
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: that we live our life is actually problematic. We're stuck
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: in a survival state, but we think, oh no, I
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: actually feel quite okay. There's so many people and I'm
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: sure that you have seen people who we might stand
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: there and think, Wow, this person is so strong, they've
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: been through so much, they're doing so great. But then
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: we don't know, are they just really great and disassociating.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: Have they just completely numbed themselves and desensitize themselves in
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: order to keep going because nothing was else was really
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: an option, or that they really do the work and
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: they were able to properly regulate the nervous system and
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: they're really truly on their path to finding peace. And
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: so the challenge that I'm seeing is that stress becomes normal,
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: abuse becomes normal, anger becomes normal. And so what I'm
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: seeing in society is that we started to normalize things
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: that are actually harming us now long term. If you continue,
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: for example, to come back to this high performer example
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: that I wanted to share with you, because this is
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: a classic example where things can escalate really fast. You
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: work really hard, maybe you didn't have acknowledgment from your parents,
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: and you're striving for success, and we work, and we
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: work and we work, and the way that we go
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: about working releases all this dopamine, and you know, we're
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: getting things done. Now we get addicted to that dopamine,
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: we want more of that dopamine, which means we have
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: to do more because become desensitized and used to the
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: average actions that we're taking to get to our end goals.
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: So now we need to do more, and we need
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: to do more. And what happens when we start to
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: do more, we create, of course, more anxiety because now
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: we start to move outside of our mental health and
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: our body's window of tolerance. Now this is where it
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: starts to get dangerous because we keep pushing, because we
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: after and chasing that that dopamine system that's being released,
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: and before we know it, the body goes into a
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: state of collapse. We have either a complete burnout, people
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: can have a complete psychotic breakdown. And that's the body's
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: way of just saying, you know, stop, I can't regulate
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: myself anymore, I can't cope anymore. And this is where
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: I have seen people with something that we might think
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: is such just a simple lifestyle, as oh, that person's
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: over achiever. What you know, they can have PTSD, what
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: what come on? You know, this should be something that's
• 10:02
  Speaker 4: very highly traumatic. Well it's actually not. We know that
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: research has been done with mothers who were pregnant in
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: the third trimester with children with their features, with an
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: unboard child who witnessed the collapse of the twin towers.
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: These children were born showing strong symptoms of PTSD. And
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: that makes perfect sense because quotosol has been shown to
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: damage the placenta too much. Cortosol damages the placenta. Now,
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: what does the placenta do. It's the startup of your being.
• 10:36
  Speaker 4: The placenta tells your body and gives instructions. Heart developed now,
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: brain developed now, spine developed now. So all these precursors
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: is literally being given through in the placenta and the
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: body of that child, that onboard child is being developing
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: with this constant influx of cortosol that's being pumped towards it.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: And what I find really interesting is when I look
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: at clients and I start to look at the history
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: because I look at patents, right because I wrote that
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: book Metaphysical Anatomy with seven thousand people that I worked
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: with and interviewed. I look at patents and the patents
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: that I noticed in mothers who had severe traumas when
• 11:23
  Speaker 4: they were pregnant with the child. These children are born
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: with epilepsy, they are born with ADHD, and PTSD. Now
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: research shows PTSD symptoms, Well, where do you draw the
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: line a child that overreacts for something that's that they
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: really shouldn't be. Where does that sensitivity, that predisposition for
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: that sensitivity come from. Why is their nervous system so
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: hyper sensitive? Where does that come from? You see the
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: beauty of how our ancestry is looking through us, because
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: we are an expression of our ancestors and the experiences
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: that they had and how that have set us up
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: for life. And so when you look also at people
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: who go through the exact same situation, one can have
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: you know, end up with PTSD in another one doesn't.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: And when you look at their childhoods, maybe their childhoods
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: also a run in linear. And this is what I've
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: seen in my observations. The thing that sets the two
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: apart is what they inherited from their ancestry. Their resilience
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: predisposition is what eye, for example, would call it. And this,
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: I mean, there's so much to be said for people
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: that have been diagnosed with PTSD, but the biggest problem
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: that we have, in my opinion, is that a lot
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: of people have no idea that they have PTSD. They
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: completely undiagnosed, and they trying and wobbling, trying to make
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: their way through life.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel I don't know how you feel of it,
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: but I think life is traumatizing.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I think.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: It's incredibly cruel on people because we've let advertising get
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: out of control to the point where, yea, you know
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: there's executives meeting in office, whether knowingly or unknownly, that
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: they're planning to destroy your mental health to get you
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: to feel like an inferior human being. So when you
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: go and buy their product, and yeah, I mean even
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, it never occurred to me. Horror films, how
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: how awful are they? I mean, there is no purpose
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: for it. I mean, and especially when you watch them
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: as a as a child. They everyone remembers that first
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: horror film that really really traumatized them. I think Jaws
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: was probably responsible for it for a lot.
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: Of Oh yeah, I won't let my son watch I
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: remember that.
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: I won't let my son watch that film. And not
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: not because I'm like an overbearing pairent. I don't care
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: if he swears, you know, goes off and whatever, but
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: I just I understand the traumatizing effect that that film
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: had on our whole generation of people that swim in
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: the sea. So yes, I totally get it. Before we
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: come on and look at ways of understanding it or
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: taking action, can you tell us a bit about your
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: journey of that. You're clearly heavily invested in this in
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: terms of passion and your time and your qualifications. Was
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: there a point in your life where you thought this
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: is the journey I need to take.
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: There absolutely was, And I just wanted to add one
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: more thing to what you said about how life is traumatizing.
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: A big part of the problem is that we are
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: taught to win. We are taught how to be competitive,
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: but we're not taught how to deal with trauma. We're
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: not taught how to deal with paint, We're not taught
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: how to deal with sadness. And that's a big part
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: of why life is so traumatizing. We don't have the tools,
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: but we have all these tools to fight forward and
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: to try to succeed.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: So that's also where a big lack is in society.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: Oh, massively. I work with people from a certain area
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: of England. You can say, and this is I'm kind
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: of stereotyping a bit here, but like because they served
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: in the military. You meet people from all over the country,
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: and you know, in certain regions their daddy they didn't
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: their daddy didn't love them because he was too wrapped
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: up in stiff up a lit. You know, a man
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: doesn't cry, you know, they don't hug their children. That's
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: a big you know, that probably means you're gay or something.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: You know, And and when you're work in closeness with
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: individuals like you see this trait. You know that they're
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: so afraid to express an emotion. So yes, yes, sorry,
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going on a bit, but yeah, you were going
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: to tell us your journey of it.
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: Yes, so you know, we all move into personal development
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: because we had a hiccup in life. You know, we
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: don't start personal development because things are going fantastic. That's
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: normally not always the first place where we would look.
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: And I mean, would you believe if I told you
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: that I actually wanted to become a crime scene investigator
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: and a lawyer. This was my ultimate gyam, This was
• 16:51
  Speaker 4: my visionary board goal and I did study it. But
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: I had a father who was a clinic the diagnosed sociopath.
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: He was a self medicated drug addict and he was
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: an alcoholic as well, and I was the only child,
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: and my mom was the peacekeeper and living up to
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: some trying to live up, you know, against all these odds.
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: With someone who cannot understand emotions the way that you do.
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: They see the world from completely different filters. Right, anything
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: that you think is a rational argument, it would not.
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: It would not work with someone who cannot emotionally relate
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: in the way that an average person should be able
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: to and to live with this constant stress, this constant invalidation.
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: And he was a very violent and very volatile person
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: as well. I mean, you can go from a zero
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: to a thousand and split second. And so this is
• 17:48
  Speaker 4: what my life foundation was. So this was my normal
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: right and what a woman should be and how a
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: woman should be treated and what my rights are, what
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: not my rights are. Because when you look at daughters,
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: the father holds the a very strong position in her
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: life and relationship to how well she's going to feel
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: accepted by life, by life. That's the father's role. And
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: so just growing up noticing and seeing, you know, the
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: way that I was coping with is trauma and straights,
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: you know, finding my way forward with anger and I'm
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: you know, I'm thinking that I'm conquering this because you
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: feel the adrenaline. You feel that cortsoal and it makes
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: you feel stronger and it makes you feel that you can,
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: you know, overcome anything, because when you when you're so angry,
• 18:37
  Speaker 4: sometimes you don't even think straight. You just do so
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: you just I was literally just trying to push through life.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: And in my early twenties, when I moved to Australia,
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: this this this backfired in quite a big way because
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: I ended up being with a partner at the time
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: who was mirror version of my father, and I was drinking.
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: I was having a really tough time in my life
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: and just really struggling to cope. And I just sat
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: there one day at the office and I remember I
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: looked at people and they were laughing sitting there, and
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: I looked outside the window and they were laughing in
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: the park and everyone Suddenly I just felt everyone around
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: me is just so happy, and that's when it hit me.
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: But this time it hit me hard because I sat
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: there and I thought, Okay, what is the point for me,
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: because I can't relate to that when people laugh and
• 19:30
  Speaker 4: someone tells a joke, I can't relate to the joke.
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: I felt so numb, so dissociated for my life. I
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: normally call it like that fish in the bowl, right,
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: you feel like you're watching life happening outside of you.
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: And that next morning I woke up and I just said,
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: you know what to howl with this, This is the
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: last morning that I'm going to wake up like this.
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: So this was I was twenty two at the time,
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: and I said, this is the last morning I'm going
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: to wake up like this. I'm going to end it. Well,
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: my manager left the voice message on her phone five
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: clock in the morning, handed over all my passwords, all
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: my projects, everything that I was that I was doing.
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: And I was highly successful. I mean I was twenty two,
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: I had twenty people all that than me reporting to me.
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: I worked my way up in a very competitive way.
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: So this was also that I can survive, right, trying
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: to prove my dad wrong, saying to me, you know
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: you're gonna wipe bomb it off the pubs where I
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: drink your stupid child, you know. So all this feedback
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: was just fuel to the fire, and it just fueled me.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: So and I sat in front of the keyboard back
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: in the days I don't know if you remember the
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: Dell computers with the clunky keyboards, right, And I loot
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: up a cigarette. I had my second shot of what
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: got that point? And I'm sitting there and it was
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: just about to type in how to end it in
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: a way that's not painless? You know that there's no
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: pain and this message. And I was an atheist at
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: this point. I was raised Christian. What I was an
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: atheist because I had an ugly relationship with God because
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: of my upbringing and things that happened. So I completely
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: shut that door and I went to the I went
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: to the complete extreme, and I just had this message
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: that said you're asking the wrong question. And I'm sitting
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: and I'm pausing. I'm thinking, well, what other questions can
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: that be? At this point? You know, when you're on
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: your knees and you feel so unresourceful and there's nothing
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: that you try and do and nothing just works. I mean,
• 21:25
  Speaker 4: who am I now to question that? And I thought, okay,
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: well what do I.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: What do I?
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: What do I type in there? And the message came
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: how to be happy? And I thought fine, and I
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: typed it in how to be Happy into Google in
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: Google and you know, what came up Neil Donald Walsh angels, crystals,
• 21:49
  Speaker 4: da DA, and I'm like, God, damn it. And I
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: thought this was now a prank of God giving me,
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: giving me that last you know, if you were not
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: sticking with him or something. I don't know if this
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: was my final moment of a prank. And I sat
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: there and Neil Donner Walls popped out at me conversations
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: with God. And I sat there and I thought, okay,
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: here I am. I don't have a better answer than
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: what I'm seeing in front of me right now, So
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: now what So long story short, I sat there for
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: two hours staring at the screen. I kid, you know.
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: I sat there for a really long time, really contemplating this,
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: thinking where do I go with this? Like nothing in
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: front of me made sense right, And I thought, Okay,
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: I'm going to start. I'm going to start with that.
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: I'm going to start with that book. And I did,
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: and it opened up the most beautiful healing journey for
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: me because I love what Neil said and how he
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: changed the perspective of God and how God can live
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: through us. And long story short, that I thought, okay,
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: you know what, I'm just gonna put my ego in
• 23:03
  Speaker 4: my pocket, and I'm going to google all these other
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: courses that's in front of me. If this can change
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: my life, Let's see if it can. So I took
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: it from a competitive stance, which worked for me back
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: then because I was a highly competitive person because of
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: my upbringing and you know, having to survive and fight
• 23:20
  Speaker 4: all your way through, right that need for acknowledgment. And
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: three months later, my life changed one hundred and eighty degrees, Chris.
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: It changed so radically that I quit my office job.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: I remember I walked out of that building, those glass
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: doors sliding closing as I turned around, and I just
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: I'm never going to see you again. And I started
• 23:44
  Speaker 4: my first development company. After that, I met a business
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: partner said here's what I've done, here's what I would
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: worked for me, here's what I started playing with friends.
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: Let's let's do something. And we started having people coming together,
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: you know, to roll this workout. And the results was
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: just absolute fantastic, And so put a few videos on YouTube.
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: Nine months later, booked out internationally, started traveling, and my
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: life just exploded. And I realized that when you start
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: to step into a life that is in alignment with you,
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: because this made my heart saying the pure joy of
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: me realizing the lawyer in me who wanted to help
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: people get justice, that that criminal investigator that wanted to,
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: you know, figure out the crimes in what went wrong
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: and find the people who did you know, who did this,
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: and you know, take them, make sure that they get
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: to tell that that same part in me now transformed
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: into a healed version and there was now a different
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: way for me to help people to put the wrongs right,
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: and that is by starting with you, getting you into
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: a better place, getting your mindset into a better place.
• 24:57
  Speaker 4: Because that is what I saw that worked with me,
• 24:59
  Speaker 4: and and I consistently saw in working with every single
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: person that I work with, because there's this beautiful quote,
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: and I don't know who the author is of this quote,
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: but there's this saying of your past doesn't need you,
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: what your future does. And I started to live my
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: life asking myself every time when I feel down, when
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: I feel angry, when I feel upset, what can I
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: do right now that my future self will be thankful for?
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: What can I do right now that's going to improve
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: my future? Because sometimes we feel that we get stuck
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: in these dark pockets right, we get stuck in dark pockets.
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: And when there's a dark pocket, the best thing that
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: you can do in that moment is to think what
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: can I do for my future self right now? Because
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: to do something for yourself feels really hard, right because
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: we're feeling vulnerable, we're feeling like victim. We don't want
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: to that self love is just completely absent. So what
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: works is normally when we do something for someone else
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: or something outside of ourselves. And what I found for
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: me personally, what work is to take my future self
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: outside of me and put it as a different person
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: there that I could do something for. So there's something
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: great that I can do right now for my future self?
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: What would that be? And this is how I continued
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: to work my way out of it, and it gave
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: me the dopamine wash. It gave me the motivation again
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: that I needed in order to reconnect and to get
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: back on track. But here's here's the funny. Here, not
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: the funny part, but here's the twist. There is a twist.
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: Just before I was thirty, and I was working, working, working,
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: and I thought, wow, you know, I have it all
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: figured out. It's going really great. And then I had
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: a heart attack. I had broken heart syndrome, stress induced
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: heart attack, and it happened because I had to And
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: the trigger, the trigger, not the not the full cause,
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: but the trigger was when I had to put my
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: dog down. That was tough. That dog opened up my heart.
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: As trivial as it might sound, but for someone who's
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: been beaten up, yell that, you know, insulted, assaulted, it's
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: to finally have such a heart opening in such a
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: beautiful way was incredible. And when I lost that with
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: the stress that I was going through with the relationship
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: at the time that was breaking down, and the way
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: that I was, you know, dealing with life, they were
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: still anger. I still used anger to fight to push
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: through to make it to win. Let's get there. We
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: have to help more people, more people. So this underlying
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: anger that I still had towards my father wasn't fully resolved,
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: and that nearly drove me right into my coffin. And
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: this is where I learned how to have new respect
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: for emotions, because that is what it took my life,
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: and I rebuilt my relationship with emotions after that. Let
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: me tell you, when they say that you contemplate life
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: and you plead and you negotiate, you really do do
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: that because I wasn't ready to go. I was not
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: ready to go. And you know what was really sad.
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: I thought that. I always said, God, if I die now,
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: I would feel so accomplished it wouldn't matter when that
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: day came. I can't tell you how unaccomplished I felt.
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: I had the house on the five acres, in the
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: best neighborhood, I lived in a tropical island. I was
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: living the life I was, you know, on the airplane, traveling,
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: you know, doing whatever I wanted. You buy things, you
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: don't even look at the price tag. And I'm thinking,
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: I'm going to leave all of this behind, and look
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: how unfulfilled and empty I feel. And I asked myself,
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: what am I ringing with me? And the answer nothing,
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: not even the slightest bit of positive gratitude. I couldn't
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: feel it. I wasn't connected to it because the way
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: that I went about trying to achieve my success, that
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: foundation was anger. And I realized that I had a
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: fear of letting go of that anger because if I did,
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: I didn't know where my motivation would come from. It's
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: a whole new lifestyle and that's where my real journey started.
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: That's where it all started to come out. My spirit
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: guides really came to me, like full blown came to me,
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: and my life took a completely different turn in a
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: positive way. Of course.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, well, obviously your life speaks for you. You've got
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: some fantastic results. If that do you think, you know?
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Even though as we said before, it's not that I
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: think I'm spiritually enlightened. It's that I know I am,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: because I just I don't know how do you describe
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: to someone what gravity is? You know? But what I'm
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: saying is I still got a lot of drivers from
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: my young self, or you know that it's kind of
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: the dregs are still in there and I'm working on them.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: I was always very driven. Yo. Well, I, as I
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: said to you, we we rowed my buddy and I
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: we rowed across the Atlantic a month ago in a
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: twenty foot boat, you know three it was, that's seven
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: seven meters long boat. And yeah, you you know, I
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: can have that conversation with myself is how much am
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: I doing this for ego? And how much am I
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: doing because like I just really want to enjoy this
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: experience and I'm really pleased to say it's the latter
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: these days.
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: But one one thing I do I try to catch
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: myself out with, and that is I say, Chris, are
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: you in service?
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: Because true spirit comes to you when you're in service
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: to others, not not when you're serving the ego. And
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: I just wondered, if you know, does that ring a
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: bell with you?
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: Of that?
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: I absolutely agree with you, because you know, and just
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: to kind of tie in with what I said earlier
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: with what you said right now. I always believe that
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: when you make yourself your purpose, that is when your
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: purpose will start to serve you, and that is by
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: prioritizing you, and that is through self love self compassion.
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: And I realized that I needed that crisis in my
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: in my late twenty is in order for me to
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: shift my perspective to learning to have that self compassion
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: for myself and that self love. And on top of that,
• 32:11
  Speaker 4: when I started to do that, my interactions my healing
• 32:16
  Speaker 4: work with my clients went to a completely new level.
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: And the reason is I finally could feel like I'm
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: really seeing a human being in front of me and
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: I can emotionally relate to them because I didn't feel
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: so numb because of my own unresolved stress. And when
• 32:34
  Speaker 4: you feel that beautiful love, platonic love for a client
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: and really truly wanting to see the best for them
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: and to lift them from where they are to walking
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: into their greatness. Just the way of approaching life and
• 32:52
  Speaker 4: people and myself that has been life changing. Absolutely, I fully,
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: I fully agree with you.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, So let's let's move on to some practicalities for people,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: because people struggle. Ah, it's kind of funny, you know.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: You get people that depressed, they're anxious, they're on all
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: kind of pills, and they have this such a negative
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: out look on life. And this is not a judgment
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: because you know we've all been there in some kind
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: of form. Yeah, it's a stage on the journey. But
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: you do get individuals they're stuck at that stage. It's
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: life has done them in injustice. No one understands what
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: they're going through. Yes, I'm I'm drinking every night and
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: I'm smoking splits and but but and it's they haven't
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: yet made the link between taking action and the situation
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: that they're in. It's like, you can't drink your way
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: out of depression. It doesn't quite sort of work like that.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: So if that, who are we talking to now in
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: this conversation.
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: So that's a really great question. So what stress does?
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: Too much corsal it can actually damage and string the hippocampus.
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: And we have another region of the brain that's part
• 34:23
  Speaker 4: of the hippocampus that's responsible for our motivation. So you
• 34:28
  Speaker 4: can only see how cortisol can actually decrease and effect
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: our natural motivation, our natural drive in life. And so
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: when we are depressed, we of course have low serotonin levels,
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: which is also very much associated, for example, with increased aggression.
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: It can make people more prone to feeling really angry,
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: very irritable. So of course we want to find something
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: that can self soothe, and often we find we apply
• 34:59
  Speaker 4: the wrong solution to the problem. And the reason why
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: is that we don't understand what the problem is in
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: the first place. People are very fast to go look
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: for what is a solution? What do I do? Well?
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: What if what you need to do is not the
• 35:15
  Speaker 4: most important question? What if understanding why you are where
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: you are is what's actually going to help you to
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: get to well, what is the right solution?
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: Brilliant?
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: So I can't stress that enough, I just I can't smoking. Well,
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: go grab a nicotine patch. Sure, but now we need
• 35:35
  Speaker 4: to look at why you're smoking in the first place.
• 35:39
  Speaker 4: And it's not because you're anxious. It's not because you're anxious.
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: I was a smoker in my teenage years. I smoked
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: thirty cigarettes to day. My dad smoked thirty or sixty.
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: And you know what really nailed down my smoking addiction.
• 35:57
  Speaker 4: I subconsciously associated cigarette smoke with my father, but it
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: was a safe way for me to feel connected with him.
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: When I healed that, when I resolved that, the addiction
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: went it. You know, I never believed in cold turkey,
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: but when I found the wood cause of it, it
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: really truly went. It shifted. You see, it's the patterning
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: that the brain forms and formulates during moments of stress,
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: during moments of even good times. The brain is constantly
• 36:32
  Speaker 4: patterning your environment with how you're feeling. That's called the RAS,
• 36:36
  Speaker 4: your rearticular activating system. So now what happens if you
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: feel down, your RAS is going to filter in people
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: in circumstances that's going to relate to how you're feeling.
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: Have you noticed when you feel down, you don't care
• 36:49
  Speaker 4: whether the sun is shining. You don't care children laughing
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: and thinking, oh that's wonderful, Oh what a beautiful day is.
• 36:55
  Speaker 4: You don't see any of that. And that's because of
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: your ras and it's reflecting what you're feeling inside. But
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: now here's the challenge. Here's the patterning, because now you
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: see that, it reinforces the negative feelings that you feel,
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: making it stronger, and the iris goes looks for even
• 37:11
  Speaker 4: more evidence to validate how you're feeling. You see, So
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: how this can be such a perpetuating situation. And then
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: we have people that we meet, we look at them,
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: they also feel down. We look for signs to be
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: able to relate to them. So we're going to look
• 37:26
  Speaker 4: for science. Are they also down? Are they also angry?
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: Are they also upset? That's what the mirror neurons does.
• 37:31
  Speaker 4: It's right here next if you bite, and if you
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: touch your temples and you bite down right, it's right
• 37:37
  Speaker 4: there and more backwards. So we have all these brain
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: regions that's playing a very important role and in establishing
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: and layering in the patterning also of our environment. So
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: not only do we have the root, cause we have
• 37:54
  Speaker 4: associations and on top of the associations. We have another
• 37:57
  Speaker 4: factor and that is how did you cope in that
• 38:02
  Speaker 4: moment of stress? Because now we have hoping strategies, not
• 38:05
  Speaker 4: survival mechanisms, hoping strategies. So you see there's different factors.
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: That's really important, crucial to break down and understand. If
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: you want permanent change, anyone can create a change like that, anyone,
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: but the change might last a minute. It must last
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: an hour or a week and it comes back.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: Thanks, how about then? I totally get it. And I'll
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: be honest, that's been a big lesson. You just give
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: me a big lesson there, because I do tend to
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: go for the fix. It's right, you know what you've
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: got to do. And but what I do, I meet
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: a lot of people of it. And it's just this
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: is not based on any particular person, but this is
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: kind of a you know, stereotype view. It's it's it's
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: a man can be my age, any age. But and
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: it's like there, let's just say they're massively struggling on heroin.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: It's been a lifetime thing and they absolutely hero worship
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: the father that I would say probably wasn't there. It's
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: a particular cases when the father is in the forces.
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: So yeah, it's like my dad was this, and like
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: my dad did this, Chris, and you know, he was
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: in the Marines like you. And I'm like, yeah, but dude,
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: like you, you're traumatized for life. You saw him, you know,
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: three months of the year and the rest of the
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: year he was out, you know, probably with other women
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: and and and drinking in bars and and and and
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: I'm not blaming the parent here. And you know, we're
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: all victims to some extent, and we all we've all
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: lacked guidance. But and with those individuals, the trauma is
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: so entrenched event that when you and you must know this,
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: when when you're trying to have a session with them,
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: like you can't even get any ground. I mean, someone's
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: going to tell me, don't be negative. Christ you always can,
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: and I wouldn't dispute that, But what I mean is
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: like they keep just want to keep telling you about
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: you know, this kind of this irony that yeah, like
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: dad was such a great person. Oh but by the way,
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm so damaged and I'm this, and I'm.
• 40:53
  Speaker 4: It's very it's very common. And I think what you're
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: trying to say is why is it that we believe
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: such false narrative. And the challenge with that is, sometimes
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: it's very hard for a child to believe the real,
• 41:07
  Speaker 4: true reality of what their childhood was like, and I
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: did the same. We sometimes tell ourselves a story to
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: self soothe, because sometimes a parent can be so brutal
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: or maybe so insensitive, that we don't want to believe
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: that they have the ability to behave the way that
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: they did. But what we don't realize at that time
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: is that that reaction, maybe an abusive reaction. That feedback
• 41:34
  Speaker 4: sits forward the barometer of our self worth, of our love,
• 41:38
  Speaker 4: of what we think we are allowed to have and
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: we cannot have. But the challenge with that now is
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: that this negative feedback is coming from another traumatized person.
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: But because these people are normally our parents, we take
• 41:52
  Speaker 4: that feedback and we label our worth on top of that,
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: and we take that as our new truth. And so
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: now as we grow up, we try to apple with
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: this false truth. We try to mold it and formulate it,
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: and reword and rephrase it until we finally need to
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: wake up to the cold hard reality that it's just
• 42:10
  Speaker 4: not your truth. It's not your truth. Someone else's toxic
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: feedback of you because you called them into such a
• 42:20
  Speaker 4: high vibrational space of love and they couldn't meet you there.
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: Them failing meeting you there is not your fault. It's
• 42:27
  Speaker 4: not your fault, but the feedback that's the problem, because
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: we take that as our new truth, and it hurts
• 42:35
  Speaker 4: sometimes so much that we need to tell ourselves a
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: different story, even though we feel different. We tell ourselves
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: a different story, and that is the story that we
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: share with the world. It's denial.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: This is a great point because you mentioned self love
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: event and can we say here then the ultimate of
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: self love is to be honest with yourself. Forget society illusion,
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: forget societies values, norms, what you know, what other people say. However,
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: you you, I mean that was the to crack addiction.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: You have to be realistic. You know, if you're in
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: denial or you you there's nothing to fix, is there?
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: And your life just keeps spiraling down. But if you
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: can be brutally realistic. And yeah, it's like a practice
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: I force myself to do every day because I'm a father.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: You know, you just said something there that's so valuable.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: You know, my son is going to meet me with
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: this level of love, because that's what kids do. They
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: love you and they're just looking for you to acknowledge them.
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: And and how many times in a day do we
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: go so not not not Now I'm busy, you know,
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: I'll be there. Yeah, and then maybe we're never there
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: because something else comes up. And yes, the value of
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: of being honest. So there's something for our for our audience,
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: isn't it. Yes? What so do you have any kind
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: of like a typical sort of client or people that
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: approach you? Is there a sort of I mean, you
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: get people in life, eve, don't you that they have
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: their lot and they're sort of I don't know if
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: they're happy with it, but they just accept it. The
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: nine to five work, that come home, fish and chips
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: for tea, you know, put the telly on, go to work,
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: And I'm not knocking that. If people are happy doing that,
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: then I'm just full of emty. I think that's great.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: But you know, is there like a large swave of
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: society do you think that that feel unfulfilled to the
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: point where it's affecting their mental health?
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, But that in itself becomes a lifestyle. That becomes
• 45:19
  Speaker 4: a lifestyle because people you know, it's interesting because when
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: I teach, I talk about the surrendering state, and it's
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: not an instinctive response, but it is a state that
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: we sometimes involuntary, involuntarily move into, and that happens when
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: we feel we're nun we're doing we're living our life
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: a certain way and things are just not working, and
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: we feel we need to break free, but we feel
• 45:48
  Speaker 4: that we can't. Like everything we try to do is
• 45:51
  Speaker 4: feel it feels like it's being met by obstacles. And
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: the ras. Remember, it plays a very big role. That's
• 45:56
  Speaker 4: why they say you have to watch your thoughts. If
• 45:58
  Speaker 4: you want to change your life, you have to start
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: by breaking your thought patterns because of the ras. I
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: cannot stress that enough. It sounds simple, but let me
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: tell you but for me, just doing that, I've gotten
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: myself out of some dark places. And so when you
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: look at this way of doing that, this is where
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: we need to reconnect back to our sense of purpose.
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: Because people who are depressed, with people who are feeling that,
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: you know, there's no point ask them what are their
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: goals in life? They're not going to answer. They're not
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: going to have an answer, and if they do, they're
• 46:36
  Speaker 4: going to say, well, I gave up on that a
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: long time ago. What's really important when I work with
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: people who are in that state is I first of
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: all establish a goal that that lights that flame in
• 46:48
  Speaker 4: their heart. Again, I don't care how small it is,
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: and we start small so that it feels achievable, and
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: once that is achieved, the endorphin and the rush that
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: comes from that and the sense of accomplishment walk up
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: here motivates them to want to go on to the
• 47:02
  Speaker 4: next goal. And of course then looking at the core
• 47:05
  Speaker 4: reasons why a person feels depressed in the first place.
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: But goal setting, I can't tell you how crucial that is.
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: It's so crucial. It gives a person a sense of purpose.
• 47:20
  Speaker 4: We have such a misconception of what purpose is. Purpose
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: is not something major that you go out and do
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: to change the world. We have multiple purposes. You know,
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: you walk down the street, you see someone dropping their
• 47:30
  Speaker 4: bag and they couldn't pick it up, and you help
• 47:32
  Speaker 4: them pick it up, and you give it back and
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: then life goes on. That right, there was a purpose
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: being fulfilled. I always say to people that wherever there's
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: a need, there's a purpose waiting to be fulfilled. Period.
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: There is purpose opportunities around us non stop. A sense
• 47:52
  Speaker 4: of purpose is incredibly important. It gives us a sense
• 47:56
  Speaker 4: of belonging and a sense of connection because when we
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: lived in communities as the way that our ancestors did
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: you know that oxytocin, that bonding hormone is released through
• 48:09
  Speaker 4: purpose by having something that you can contribute and do,
• 48:13
  Speaker 4: and that created also that sense of connecting of bonding.
• 48:19
  Speaker 4: So get back into things that can give you a
• 48:23
  Speaker 4: sense of purpose, no matter how big or small. Our
• 48:26
  Speaker 4: self esteem makes us believe that the bigger you think
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: your purpose needs to be, that shows you how disconnected
• 48:34
  Speaker 4: you are from your relationship with yourself. The lower a
• 48:37
  Speaker 4: person's self esteem is if I hope that helps.
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, Well, everything that you say is going to help
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: someone somewhere, isn't it. It's going to be the right
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: time for them. So yeah, yeah, I mean it's kind
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: of disappointing. I meet when I meet people and they've
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: watched my show for a while, or they follow me
• 49:01
  Speaker 2: Instagram or whatever, and it's always kind of a bit
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: funny because for a start there that they're quite often
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: they're a bit star struck and and I'm not really
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: in the mood for all that stuff. You know. It's
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: it's if you meet someone in the pub and you're
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: just you know, I don't know you. You're a like
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: a baker or a butcher. They're just like Chris, do
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: you do? But sometimes when I meet people there and
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: sorry that's a bit of an aside, it just it
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: makes me chuckle a bit because I have I haven't
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: got time for that. I'm like, yeah, what what what
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: what we're doing? What do you want? Let's let's let's
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: let's crack on. But the the other thing is that
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: they often go, oh, I love your channel, love your
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: inspirational video. Oh but I still drink, still smoke marijuana.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: And you know, I'm never going to give up. You know,
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: I love eating meat and and and and it's like,
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: what do you love about me? There? What im a
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: this special person in your life? If you don't listen
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: to anything, you know, anything I say, And it's fine,
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: I'm not again, I don't. I try not to judge people.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: I'm just I'm curious because you've got mental health, and
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: mental health is easy when everything's going all right for you. You
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: just got a job, pay rise and take a mortgage
• 50:41
  Speaker 2: on a new house, or you buy a get a
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: bank loan and get a car, everything, but that's mental health.
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: Spirituality is the ability to keep your mental balance when
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: things aren't going well. Exactly what are we trying to
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: get across to people here of it? Because obviously everyone's
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: on their different journey. Can you can you help someone
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: to be spiritual? Or do you need a deep traumatizing
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: event like my addiction. I couldn't go any lower. It
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: was it, And when I had my moment of my epiphany,
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: I was so shocked at what essentially I'd done to myself.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: Although we know it's deeper than that, but you know,
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: I still had done these actions and I'd gone from
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: this to like this, and it was shocking. And I
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: realized in that moment, Oh, Chris, what have you done?
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: You've got to stop making it right mane stop that shit.
• 52:00
  Speaker 5: You've got to, you know, calm it down, get back
• 52:03
  Speaker 5: to that old dude, the person.
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: People used to like being around, a funny guy, you know.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: And I remember that moment, But of course I can't
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: force that moment on someone else if they haven't been
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: in those circumstances. And can can you help someone to
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: be spiritual with it or is it like, hey, Chris,
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: don't worry about that, let's just try to get him thinking, right.
• 52:33
  Speaker 4: I think so this is a really great point that
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: you're raised. Number One, spirituality needs to be defined by
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: the person and what that means to them. I've come
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: to learn that spirituality is such an intimate, such a cosmopolitan,
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: diverse experience. For some people, it means just a daily
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: ritual like meditating and then doing breath work in the afternoon,
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: and then that's it. Then their life goes on. For
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: other people, like for me personally, I would say spirituality
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: is my lifestyle. Like for me, I love to always
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: be connected to what's going on. You know how am
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: I feeling regularly checking in with myself? And you know
• 53:15
  Speaker 4: so I feel like I'm a very conscious person in
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: that regard, where for others, for someone else, they would
• 53:20
  Speaker 4: be like, oh no, that's not for me. So I
• 53:23
  Speaker 4: think what's really important first of all is to define
• 53:26
  Speaker 4: what is spirituality to you. And the great way to
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: do that is if I do X, y Z, then
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: I feel like I'm really connecting to that definition of spirituality.
• 53:39
  Speaker 4: So we need to identify what is the feeling, what
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: is the action that you take that helps you to
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: come closer to that. Because atheists can be spiritual, they
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: don't believe in God, that they can also have a
• 53:50
  Speaker 4: spiritual side to them where maybe they connect to something
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: else other than what we would perceive as being God.
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: What is that person's definition of something that that there is?
• 54:00
  Speaker 4: You see, So there's so many diverse definitions and interpretations
• 54:07
  Speaker 4: that narrow down that definition. Number one, what actions do
• 54:12
  Speaker 4: you need to take in order to feel while I'm
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: really nurturing my spirituality because I want to share this
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: with you, that's just called the star of life.
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: So the star is, for example, if it's balancing use
• 54:25
  Speaker 4: your relationships, your career, your success, your spirituality, your relationship
• 54:30
  Speaker 4: with yourself, or you can call one point health. If
• 54:33
  Speaker 4: you're too much in your career, what's happening. Your star
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: is out of balance. If you're too much in your spirituality,
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: your star is out of balance. So the end of
• 54:43
  Speaker 4: the day, for me, spirituality means a balanced star of life.
• 54:49
  Speaker 4: So none of the tips are wobbling. It's a perfect
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: star for me. And so that's a great question that
• 54:58
  Speaker 4: you ask. But to give you a more more solid answer,
• 55:05
  Speaker 4: I only help people who ask for help. One thing
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: that I learned in life is to help someone when
• 55:14
  Speaker 4: they didn't ask for it ends up causing a lot
• 55:18
  Speaker 4: more offense and disperspect from their end than anything else.
• 55:23
  Speaker 4: Because Number one, a lot of people, when they're not
• 55:26
  Speaker 4: asking for help, it could mean that they're not ready
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: for that help. We don't know that. That's the challenging part.
• 55:33
  Speaker 4: We as the helper, don't know that. And secondly, if
• 55:37
  Speaker 4: we do that, we can actually cause the other person
• 55:40
  Speaker 4: to feel undermined in their life because they might say, well,
• 55:43
  Speaker 4: why do you see a problem when I don't see
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: a problem? Right, So it's really about that judgment with
• 55:51
  Speaker 4: the intention to help can be interpreted and often actually
• 55:54
  Speaker 4: cause more damage. So I have come to learn to
• 55:58
  Speaker 4: be more sensitive to people's needs and you know, what
• 56:02
  Speaker 4: is it that they really truly need? And sometimes I
• 56:04
  Speaker 4: would just outright ask them, because you're having this conversation
• 56:07
  Speaker 4: with me, but what is it that you need? How
• 56:11
  Speaker 4: can I help you? And then the person will tell you.
• 56:15
  Speaker 4: I would never, for example, help just boom straight up
• 56:19
  Speaker 4: from my end, I would really make sure and assess
• 56:22
  Speaker 4: is this what the person really truly want and need?
• 56:25
  Speaker 4: So to help people into the spirituality. There's a few
• 56:28
  Speaker 4: there's a few steps that I would clarify before I
• 56:31
  Speaker 4: would I would take someone on that journey.
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, Yeah, that's just such another.
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: It's a different perspective, isn't it.
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: No, it's really good.
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really good because you know, you know, it's
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: just so true. I'm stumbling for my words here of
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: that because it's I'm i scenarios running through my mind
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: where I have done exactly that. I prescribe something for
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: someone that they didn't ask for, and I sense the
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: energy change as.
• 57:11
  Speaker 4: In, yeah, you know they feel judged.
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I sense the energy change and it was like,
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: oh god, you know.
• 57:19
  Speaker 4: But you had good intentions, but the energy is still change. Right,
• 57:22
  Speaker 4: So it's absolutely yes, that's correct.
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: But the value in that is is, yes, ask them
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: what they need help with, right. You know that's because
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: we know, you know, from a structure, from a theoretical perspective,
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: what's probably driving this behavior or this feeling or this emotion.
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: But that's that's not necessary what they need to hear,
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: is it.
• 57:55
  Speaker 4: You know, I want to add something else there. When
• 57:58
  Speaker 4: you find yourself in a situation like that as well,
• 58:00
  Speaker 4: ask yourself and this is for everyone listening. Ask yourself,
• 58:04
  Speaker 4: is my desire to help this person about me or
• 58:06
  Speaker 4: about them? Do I need to feel that I have
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: a sense of purpose? Do I need to feel that
• 58:12
  Speaker 4: I'm needed right now? Is this really about you? Or
• 58:15
  Speaker 4: is it really about that other person? That's another great
• 58:19
  Speaker 4: question to ask. Yeah, absolutely, Like for example, when I yeah,
• 58:25
  Speaker 4: that would just quickly want to want to wrap up
• 58:27
  Speaker 4: here with the example. When I work with clients, you
• 58:31
  Speaker 4: see that they're struggling, and I want to help more
• 58:34
  Speaker 4: and more, but they're not ready for that help. You
• 58:36
  Speaker 4: have to hold that space and go at the pace
• 58:38
  Speaker 4: that they can go. And that's because when you know,
• 58:41
  Speaker 4: way way back, many years ago, I felt incompetent thinking
• 58:45
  Speaker 4: that I cannot help my client well enough. But it's
• 58:48
  Speaker 4: because they were not ready to go to the place
• 58:51
  Speaker 4: where I really wanted them to go because I thought
• 58:53
  Speaker 4: it would be best for them. But it's not what
• 58:56
  Speaker 4: they were ready for. Right So me feeling like a failure,
• 59:00
  Speaker 4: it wasn't about me, it wasn't about them, It had
• 59:03
  Speaker 4: nothing to do with them, right. So this is where
• 59:07
  Speaker 4: the ego can also squeak a little bit in.
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely absolutely, So I'm just trying to think of
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: some for people listening or watching now that are struggling
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: in some area of their life. I guess, you know,
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: it could be depression, it could be anxiety. It could
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: be that they found themselves in addiction and they're starting
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: to be honest with themselves about that, which in my country, England,
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: is something a lot of people don't want to face
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: up to. So what what practically works if that? Or
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: is that just too ambiguous a question because everybody's different.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, would you say to people watching now, look,
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: there's no point me coming out of a load of
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: stuff that works now because it might not be for you.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: Or would you say go and get you know, get
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: therapy or see a life coach or a counselor, or
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think you already came out of something
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: really valid is find out what the source of your
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: unease is. Yeah, over to you.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 4: So to give a really nice general answer that can
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 4: help a lot of people. Number one is you need
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: to look at what in your present life are you avoiding,
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 4: Because whatever you're doing is avoiding being in the here
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 4: and now. And let me tell you, you can't change your
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 4: future by living in the future. You can change your
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: future by living in the past. The only way that
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: we can influence our life consciously and actively as the
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: God given, amazing manifesting creators that we are, is about
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 4: being in the present moment. That is where the magic happens.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 4: Every action that you take consciously in the present moment
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 4: is contributing to your future and it be's the question
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 4: now if you can sit still and maybe just do
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 4: box breathing. I love box breathing for just four minutes,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 4: you know, box breathing where you.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 6: In heale, hold exhale, hold in hell right or I
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 6: like it inhale exhale, inhale, exhale, just.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 4: Four minutes to just come back into the body, or
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 4: sit still and see if you can be so still
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 4: and see if you can feel your heart beat without
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 4: touching your heart. It's a beautiful way of coming back
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 4: into the present moment, back into the body. And when
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 4: you are in the present moment, what is it that
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 4: really feels uncomfortable right now? Because when we can come
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 4: into the present moment, that's when we can assess with
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 4: much more clarity how we're feeling. Number One, your emotions
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 4: is the GPS of your soul. This is what's guiding you.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 4: If you suppress your emotions, you're shutting down your intuition.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 4: You're shutting down your gut instinctive responses. To be able
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 4: to decipher and tune into your environment, to be able
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 4: to read people, to be able to emotion connect with people,
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: you need your emotions. But now the very thing that
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 4: you need to live your best life, you're pushing it down.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 4: And now you're wondering why it's my life so shit.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 4: Learn to befriend your emotions. They're there to tell you
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 4: a story. They're not there to hurt you. They're not
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 4: here to work against you. Our lives are a complicated
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: mess because we don't like to feel our emotions because
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 4: of the actions that we're taking to not feel. But
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 4: let me tell you this. The hard reality is that
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 4: emotions are just emotions that echoes from the past that
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 4: doesn't exist anymore. But we give it so much power
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 4: that is actually influencing us in the here and now,
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: and it's dictating your future. Let that sink in.
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: Say yeah, I'm trying to think of a quick synopsis,
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: so we're talking. Be honest with yourself, yes, realize that
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: what you're struggling with now is just unresolved trauma manifesting itself,
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: and that your emotions are that the clue lies in
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: the emotions that you're feeling.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's your answer, but we don't know how to
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 4: we don't know how to decipher it. And the better
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 4: we can understand our emotions and see it as a
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 4: messenger and not as some thing that should be attacked
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 4: or avoid or numbed. Now, now we're talking because I
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 4: always believe and I always say that we the biology
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 4: the body has a consciousness, and then we have the
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 4: consciousness of the soul, and these two need to merge
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 4: so that we can live our best life. To be
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 4: able to fully live an integrated, grounded life, you can't
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 4: do one or the other. You know, people who's just
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 4: in the soul's consciousness, they are the area fairy types
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 4: that's off in the cloud, the ones that's just no biology.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 4: They're the ones that's struggling with a lot of trauma
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 4: based behavioral responses, you know, like anger and all of that.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 4: And so we need to bring these two together to
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 4: be able to communicate in harmonious flow, because you're not
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 4: going to have a better relationship with yourself like that
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 4: that that is incredible. So what I have learned is
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 4: be present. How do you feel when you really truly
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 4: are present in your life? What is in your lif life?
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 4: Is it that you don't like? Is the pain enough
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 4: for you to make a change? Do you see yourself
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 4: being willing to live like this for another year? Another
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 4: five years? These are really important questions to ask because
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 4: if you have to ask someone how much pain do
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 4: you need to be and in order to make a change.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 4: You know how many people tell me, oh, I need
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 4: to eat a crisis, I need to be on my knees.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 4: Just make a decision, Just make a decision. I acknowledge
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 4: making that first decision is going to feel hard because
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 4: you're not going to have the motivation because of the
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 4: hippo campus and the motivational center that's influenced with the
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 4: cortosol and is depleted and it's fatigued. I get that,
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 4: But it starts with the decision and it's followed by
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 4: action and then goals and structure.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: That two things I thought we could cover is so well,
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: let's take the first one. Scrolling mobile phones the bane
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: of all our lives, but the thing that we all
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 2: still use, maybe a lot of people probably wouldn't even
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: reflect on the fact that, my god, you know, you'll
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know, for example, you'll go into bed and
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: rather than picking up a good book or what I
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: like to do, drift off listening to an audio book.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: You're you're checking your phone one more time, and that
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 2: gets you onto yeah Clips website, and then you're scrolling,
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: and then it's and before you know it, it's it's
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 2: twenty minutes, it's it's an hour. You know, you scroll
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 2: for an hour every day. That's three hundred and sixty
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: five hours in a year. I don't even know how
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: many days. You know, it's a long time out of
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 2: your life that you're not working on yourself, working on
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: your dreams, connecting with your family, working on career, this
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: kind of thing. And I'm learning that scrolling creates dopamine
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: and this is like a false reward for the brain.
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: And what it leads to is your body craving that
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: level of dopamine again, so you scroll more, Whereas a
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: more healthy way of attaining that dopamine is to put
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 2: your time into stuff that's healthier, you know, like working
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: on your career, working on your sports, your holiday, your
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: exercise or whatever it might be. Am I sort of
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: in the right area here?
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, would you like me to share with you what
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 4: I observe.
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 2: I love to.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 4: So what I've seen with my clients and all the
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 4: people that I've worked with is there's a big difference
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 4: between people who have a healthy act of friendship circle
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 4: and who have healthy habits. They actually end up scrolling
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 4: less on their phones, whereas people who have more trauma
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 4: associated with relationships and connection, they tend to be the
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 4: ones who really intensively scroll. It's a safe connection, it's
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 4: to connect. Yeah, this is a big difference that I found,
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 4: really big difference.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's again I think we just we need we
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: all need to be honest with ourselves. Here when you
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 2: sit I don't know, let's say doctor's surgery or a
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: bus stop, and everybody, like grown adults are just sat
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: and I do it. I'm not. You know, this isn't
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: a judgment. I try not to try to like take
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 2: a book or at least like listen to an audiobook
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: or something a bit that I can do some research.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: But but you know, that's not to say I won't
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 2: just check the Facebook or whatever. And I do sit
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: there with that thinking like what, I don't even know
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: what I I just don't know what.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: It's just it.
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 2: It's something so wrong. I can't even put it in
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 2: the words. It's something. It's just ah, god, it's it's
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: I don't know, like we're middle aged men or you
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: know someone was past middle age. And what is it
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: that that application is doing for your life that's so important?
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: Why is your life so rubbish.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 4: That that you know, that's when you just said that,
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 4: you said, right there, Why should life so rubbish that
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 4: you have to go scroll? What in your life is
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 4: so unhealthy that you find the entertainment more entertaining on
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 4: a phone. I find when you're on a phone as well.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 4: And studies and research have been done regarding this. How
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 4: people feel more relaxed and more at ease by being themselves.
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 4: People are much more likely to be mean on social
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 4: media comments because they're not really seen. They can just
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 4: throw a nasty comment out there and they feel like
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 4: they can just be who they are, whereas with people
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 4: with actual interaction. Let's be honest, most of us put
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 4: up a facade and that is exhausting. But here we
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 4: can connect, We can look at what other people are doing.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 4: And saying, and there's no energy being put into a facade.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 4: It's actually I can understand the dopamine. The dopamine is
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 4: being associated with. I can just relax and I can
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 4: have connection and I can be myself versus connecting with
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 4: someone in real time side face to face. I have
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 4: to show up a certain way. I have to watch
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 4: what I say. I can do everything that I want
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 4: to do and say. So that's associated with restriction. So
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 4: for me, from my personal perspective, that is how I
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 4: would see that. If I had to give you another explanation.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 4: Does that help?
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it absolutely helps. What what is the sort of
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: you know, what's the alternative for doing The reason probably
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 2: why I'm asking you this is I have It's a
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 2: funny thing. First, I just want to say, genuinely this
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: is from the bottom line of my heart. I hate
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: social media. I would not have it if I wasn't
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 2: like in the media, right, you know, or podcasting and
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 2: life coaching and running across deserts and all the stuff
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 2: that I do that I try to you know, drum
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: up interest and I like to think I'm in service,
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm not just doing this stuff just for me.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: I like to explain to people. You know, it's not
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 2: as difficult as you think. You know, if you want
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: to run the length of the United Kingdom, which I
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 2: did once, You like, you buy an air ticket to
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: Scotland and you put one foot in front of the other.
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: It is literally that simple. Anyone can do it if
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 2: you're in a wheelchair where you just bloody got a
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: wheel yourself, haven't you. You know, it's there's always an excuse,
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 2: and so I'm into it that way. But that doesn't
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 2: mean that I'm still not keen to see if this
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 2: podcast is doing well. If this inspirational post I did
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: this morning when I was out in my run, you
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 2: know it's that hit home. Is that getting a good result? Yeah?
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 2: And what it's done if it is, I physically see
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 2: how much time in a day that someone who hates
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: social media. I'm never going to tell you what I
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 2: had for dinner unless it's some kind of unique, you
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 2: know meal. Maybe I'm in an Afghanistan and they've cook
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 2: you know, cook me goat and chips or something, and
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 2: it's quite interesting. But you know, I say, look, I
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 2: had two sausages for breakfast and an egg on bread,
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: and I had some corn Flex. Look, it's like, I
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: just just it's insanity that this is what humanity's got to.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: And so even with my hatred of social media, ah,
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 2: I you know, I still like when my phone sends
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: me that this is how long you spend on your
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 2: phone this month. Oh yeah, it's frightening. Sometimes it's like
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 2: six hours a day. And okay, you know, in my defense,
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 2: this is what I do. So I am researching a lot,
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: I am reading stuff on my phone to dead to dad,
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: but I still recognize and the biggest offset of the
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 2: big side effect of this for me is I'm not
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 2: getting much done in my day of it. I'm not
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 2: as productive. I've got books to write, I've got videos
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 2: to make, I've got photos I need to get, Like
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 2: at the moment, I've got to get my videos and
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 2: photos of my Atlantic row to the documentary company. And
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling that when I go to do it, I'm
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 2: getting that Oh I could just check that Facebook post
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 2: or I could just see and I recognize it in myself,
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: is what I'm trying to say. So I'm asking you
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 2: on behind it.
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 4: I have a question for you. Is it possible that
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 4: whatever it is that you're procrastinating that you might have
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 4: temporary fatigue in that area of your life.
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's fatigue. I think it's that the
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 2: scrolling really does hit you with that little drug called dopamine.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 2: And everyone likes strokes, you know, and it's it's it's like,
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: when we finish this podcast, I got to go to
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 2: those videos and sort them out. But I'm just quickly
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 2: going to check my Instagram for you know, you know what,
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 2: what why why do I need to do that when
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 2: I know it's not going to get me or my
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 2: family where I need to be. I know that in
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 2: five years time, I'm still going to be in this
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 2: position where I haven't got you know, I've got so
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 2: many books I need to write, you know, I've I've
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 2: ran across the Sahara Desert, I've rowed across the Atlantic Ocean.
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 2: I'm a good life coach, you know, I'm I'm I'm
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: a human like everyone else, which is why I don't
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: mind talking about my own foibles. But I genuinely live
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 2: in paradise, you know, I really do. You know, you're
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 2: not things. Don't don't get me down because I'm grateful.
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 2: I'm just grateful for this life, so I expect it
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: to be challenging.
• 1:15:57
  Speaker 1: You know, I had a.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: Like yourself, a very turbulent childhood. And that's euphemism there
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: for you know, there's a lot of dark stuff, and
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm sort of glad because it allowed me
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 2: to understand that not everybody has the perfect life, and
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 2: you know, and to see aspects of my family's character
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 2: that I don't want to be like that, you know,
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 2: and to understand them. I mean, one of the biggest
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 2: leap forwards for me of that was understanding my parents
• 1:16:28
  Speaker 2: and looking at their parents and how were they treated.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: And I was able to employ forgiveness then for those
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 2: times where they made decisions which weren't good for me,
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 2: which really traumatized music kid. You know, so sorry, I'm
• 1:16:44
  Speaker 2: sort of waffling on a bit, but yeah, getting but.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 4: You touched on something important. You touch on something important.
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 4: Why people are depressed and you know why we squalling
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 4: all of that. You know. The thing is when you
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 4: look at the four principles of Buddhism, one of them
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 4: I think is a five or I don't know how
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 4: many there are, but the Buddhist principles, there's one that
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 4: really stood out for me that I will never forget.
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 4: That was one of the most eye opening moments for me,
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 4: and that was where they said, expect hardship, expect to
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 4: sometimes suffer, expect to be disappointed, but also expect to
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 4: be happy. Expect success, and expect joy. And the thing is,
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 4: one of our greatest challenges comes from the expectations that
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 4: we have in life, and when those expectations are not met,
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 4: it's a breeding ground for subconscious silent stress, which I
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 4: call disappointment. If you are training to go into a
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 4: boxing ring and you get in there and your opponent
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 4: knocks you so hard and then you're angry and you're
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 4: frustrated and you cry, it's like, no, you are training
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 4: to go into a boxing ring, expect to be punched
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 4: in the face, all right, expect it. Life is the same.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 4: Life is like a boxing ring, almost not literally, but
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 4: it sometimes feels like it. Expect your victories and expect
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 4: your losses. Expect it. And the more balanced and neutral
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 4: we can be with our expectations and still want to have,
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 4: of course the best. But what I find is sometimes
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 4: we're so much in the positive that it's called toxic positivity.
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 4: It's good to be neutral Sometimes it's good to be,
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 4: you know, a little bit apprehensive. Sometimes it's good to
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 4: be like, Wow, this is so amazing, I'm so excited.
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 4: That's great. It's important to have balance. But when things
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 4: often happen that we don't expect, that's when I see
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 4: people tumble really hard. It's they didn't expect it, they
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 4: were not prepared for it. I'm not saying live your
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 4: life prepared for the worst case area or no, but
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 4: live your life in a way that can handle balance,
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 4: because life is going to throw things at you in
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 4: a balanced way. You know. We sometimes feel that things
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 4: are always as bad. We sometimes feel that things are always,
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 4: you know, not as well as I would like it
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 4: to be. We have negative bias. We focus more on
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 4: the negative. That's why it's much harder to take in
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 4: and remember the good times. Right, So we actually have
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 4: to override this natural phenomena that we have in the biology,
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 4: and that's what we need to do with the frontal cortex.
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 4: We need to actually start to live a mindful life.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 4: And the best way to do that is to live
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 4: in the present moment because that is where you can
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 4: make changes.
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 2: How could I relate that to the sort of scrolling
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 2: or the YouTube flickingto YouTube. I'm actually thinking, now, do
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 2: you know it never really occurred to me, maybe I
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 2: should just leave those apps on my phone, because it's
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 2: very easy to fold your phone up and just put
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 2: it somewhere and just leave it. You know, I don't
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 2: take my phone everywhere with me. I get cross for
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 2: people when they text me stuff and it's important. I'm like,
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 2: why did you do? Why do you Why do you
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 2: assume I'm going to look at my phone in for
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 2: the next six hours. But you know, I know that
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: I'm a bit probably excited cric but so yeah, I'm
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 2: just wondering if you go on a bridget. I'm wondering
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 2: if I just take the tabs down off my computer
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 2: so they're not physically and I just use this as
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 2: a workstation. This is for work.
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I actually have that. I have a phone for
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 4: social media and have a phone for work. I separate.
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 4: I have two phones. But to link the conversation that
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 4: I was having with you, we live in a state
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 4: of depression and disappointment because of expectations that we have
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 4: in life. We have to constantly adjust our expectations because
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 4: if we don't, if we don't. Then that is where
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 4: we're going to start to become stuck and feeling well,
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 4: things are never going to work out. Well, that's not
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 4: going to be this, it's not going to be that.
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 4: Well I was training for this one thing and didn't
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 4: work out. Okay, well my expectations were not met. Now,
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 4: a lot of people when they had high hopes, then
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 4: they can crash really bad. They can crash really hard
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 4: and they have a really hard time getting out of
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 4: that because of the high expectations that they had. That's
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 4: why I say, have high expectations, but walk into it
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 4: with a neutral mindset.
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 4: For me, I find this has been an incredibly powerful
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 4: way of avoiding having that crash. And secondly, people who scroll,
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 4: people who scroll a lot, and to have also addictive personalities, right,
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 4: people who have a history with addiction, right, they are
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 4: much more prone. Yeah, and look at the people who
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 4: don't have that challenge. They don't have addiction tendencies, they
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 4: don't have that, So that makes quite a big difference
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 4: there as well. On top of that too, I'm.
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 2: Just making some notes because this is fascinating. Of that,
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 2: so listen, we could talk forever.
• 1:21:58
  Speaker 4: I know, maybe this is a second podcast coming up, Chris.
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, what I'd like to what I'd like
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 2: to do to our friends out there, you know, leave
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 2: your questions, leave your observations, leave us something that Avett
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 2: and I can talk about next time that we chat.
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 2: As Always be polite, folks, because what comes out of
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 2: your mouth or your keyboard is an expression of where
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 2: you are, not where other people are. So and love
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 2: makes the world go around, So be nice to each other. Ivet.
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 2: I've been showing your tabs. I've been showing your Instagram,
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 2: your meet and greet which is your website Metaphysicalanatomy dot com,
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 2: and also your your YouTube, and you've got lots and
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 2: lots of subscribers, which only comes through you know, hard
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 2: work and knowing your stuff and being focused. So this
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 2: is a person to listen to, folks. Is there anything
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 2: you'd like to say? If somebody was looking for support,
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 2: can they contact you? Is that an option?
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 4: Yes, of course absolutely. I mean we have what's called
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 4: metapsychology coaching. I also have trained a ton of people
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 4: around the world in this modality as well, so there's
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 4: a lot of other people who can also help. And yeah, absolutely,
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 4: this is what I live and breathe brilliant. We love
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 4: helping people.
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 2: I'm going to put all your links below this video
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 2: thank you, just to say stay on the line so
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 2: when I click off record, I can actually thank you
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 2: properly and say goodbye properly. But for the purposes of
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 2: the podcast, massive, massive thank you. Friends out there. If
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 2: you're struggling, just remember what we've talked about. Understand what
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 2: the source of your angst is, your unease. Live in
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 2: the present. The past doesn't define you, it doesn't even exist.
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 2: If you think the past exists, go and try and
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 2: get an apple from the fruit bowl you had when
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 2: you were a kid. You won't be able to do it.
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 2: It's crazy how many people will still let that define them.
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 2: So leave the past. Be grateful for this wonderful life
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 2: because we've all got each other. This has been a
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 2: great chat. I'm so happy for the rest of my
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 2: day now, you know. And and the positive self talk
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 2: is obviously important. But the final thing is take action,
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 2: you know, take action. I jog around the block in
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 2: the morning and jump in a cold shower because it
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 2: makes me so happy. It sets me up for the day.
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 2: I've already won the day, you know, make my bed
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 2: in the morning. I've won the day just making the bed.
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 2: It's just these small, small things really can make a difference.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 2: So I've said enough. Massive thank you to again. Thank
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: you so much. Massive luck to you all out there,
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 2: go steady, look after yourselves and we will see you soon.
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 1: Thank you friends, Thank you for listening to the Bought
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 1: the t Shirt Podcast.
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 3: Please like, subscribe, and share, and don't get to follow
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 3: me on social media use the name Chris Throll, Instagram,
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 3: Chris dot Throll.
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 1: Thank you,