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Breaking Free From Comparison, The Thief Of Your Fitness Progress · Your Strongest Body

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: You are listening to your strongest body.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Betsy Foster, a certified strength and conditioning specialist and certified nutrition coach.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: I've worked as a personal trainer for over a decade, helping people build strength, speed, muscles, as well as a deep appreciation for their bodies and confidence that helps them live their life to the fullest.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: Now I'm sharing what I know with you fitness, nutrition and all the deeper stuff to help you discover your strongest body.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Hello, hello, welcome back to another episode of your strongest body.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Today, we're talking about one of the biggest thieves from your fitness progress, from your overall health, progress from your wellness journey, and that is comparison Comparing yourselves to others and, as you'll learn later in the episode, comparing yourself to yourself to a previous version of yourself.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about comparing yourself to others and why that is getting in the way of you being able to reach your fitness goals.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: You've probably heard the expression comparison is the thief of joy.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Comparison is the thief of progress.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: When thinking about what others have or don't have, thinking about how easy it is for others, thinking about how others have what you want, stops you from making forward.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Progress gets in the way of you being able to chip away at all the things it takes to get you where you want to go, because we know and we've talked about this at Nauseam, probably on this podcast, but certainly in all of my content we're looking for sustainability and something we can do for the long haul.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Because unfortunately I know you've seen those memes probably before you have to exercise and then you have to continue to exercise and you have to do it for the rest of your life.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: If you want to maintain and progress, you don't have to do it if you so choose, but if you want to stay where you are or continue to progress, you have to keep going.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: And so if we're letting our thoughts about others, letting our thoughts about where we stack up against others, get in the way we keep ourselves from moving forward, we can't live in a bubble.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: There's no way.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I mean you can.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: I guess quarantine was about quarantine, for the pandemic was about as close as we got to, sort of living in our own bubble and not seeing other people.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: But unless you were the one person in the entire world who wasn't on social media at that point, which congrats.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: And if that's you, please let me know who you are and how you did it If you weren't on social media, that's great for you.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Most people in the pandemic were on social media, were on some form of you know, connecting platform where you also, where you probably saw more of this, of these visual images of other people's success.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: So we can't live in a bubble.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Even if you do your workouts at home, you're going to hear about other people's progress.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: You're going to see other people achieving goals, and we don't want to live in the bubble because we want to celebrate others joy, other people's joy, celebrate other people's progress.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: We have to sort of click into why we compare ourselves to some people and don't compare ourselves to others.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: That's probably a deeper conversation and something to look at.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: But when we're comparing ourselves to other people, when we're comparing ourselves to other people's speedy fitness progress or even their bodies, how their bodies look, what we're not considering is their whole story.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: We can't possibly know their whole story.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Even your closest relation, your partner, you don't know their entire story.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: You don't know all the things that go into making them them, and it's Irresponsible of us to make assumptions when we don't know all about a person.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: So your assumptions about how that person's body looks One, you're not taking into consideration all the things that they've done, you're not taking into consideration how they feel about their own body.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: You may have some sort of opinion about their body that is very different about then they have of their own.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you've seen that sort of iceberg Metaphor, the picture where the ice, the top of the.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: We see the top of the iceberg, but underneath the surface of the ocean the bottom of the iceberg is much bigger.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Mass is much larger.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: That's what what is happening with every person, and maybe the more you know that person, the more you're seeing the bottom of the iceberg.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: But we're not seeing the whole thing and so we don't have the whole story.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: You cannot make a good comparison with someone if you don't have the whole story, so you're already starting at at a place of disadvantage because you don't have all the information.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Then we have to realize that, just in general, in the whole world, human beings are different.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: It is actually what makes, in a lot of ways, life worth the living.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, people are different.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: We have different interactions with different people.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Same thing goes for who we are.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: We all have different genetics that impact how we look.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: They impact our ability to perform.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: We know that some people have muscle, larger numbers of muscle fibers that make them better for sprinting sports, while other people have what at birth, greater capacity for endurance.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Sports doesn't mean that they can't train to Achieve these different goals, but there is a genetic pre predisposition for people.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Same thing with, like being able to put on muscle or being able to Do certain exercises.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Some people just have a leg up to start.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Again, not saying that any one person can't achieve any of those goals, but Some people just have it a little easier to start.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Some people are coming from a place that is harder to achieve that goal and Sometimes we can't pop.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Well, all times we can't possibly become another person, unless you do the Freaky Friday thing.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: It's like that movie and I'm gonna date myself here, but the, you know the, the and I don't know the movie.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Well, I think I've seen it one time the twins movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito, and they're in the movie there.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: Twins like this, you, the People, are different, people are different.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: So anytime you go to compare with someone else, my business coach and Friend, dr Shantae cofield, always says if you're gonna compare yourself, then compare everything.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: Compare how long they've been lifting, compare where they were born, compare who their mom and dad was, compare their Net worth you know all of it, right, and we can't do that.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: We, we literally aren't really able to do that.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: So in in a way, we can't even compare.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: And all that time and energy that you're spending comparing yourself to someone else, who, for whom you don't know all their circumstances, you're stealing from your own time.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: You're stealing from your own time.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: One of the biggest ones I see in the gym is people comparing.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: You know, oh, why are they doing that?
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Or why are they doing that?
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Should I be doing that?
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: You have no idea, because, also, people have different goals.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Even Even people with similar goals, some of the aspects of their goals are different.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: So you can't compare, you can't say, oh, that's what I should be doing, when you don't know what their end goal is.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: We're already.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Many of the people I know, whom I care for, who I have great relationships with, are people who are already hard on themselves.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, because I think these sort of like empathetic, loving-hearted people who want to do good things in the world always see themselves not not doing enough, or or not.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: You know, they're falling prey to that messaging where we just aren't enough, you are enough and and, and you don't need to look at someone else to know how great you are.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: You don't have to put yourself in Some kind of order compared to other people.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: You are your own individual being and Nobody is, you know, even, I Guess in a literal race.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: You are running a race, but, but in so many ways that is just Getting in our way.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: It's getting in your way.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Now let's talk about the alternative or I guess not alternative other option, which is comparing yourself to yourself, to a previous version of yourself or some other version of yourself.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I can see where this feels like it could help, and I do think there are instances where I wouldn't even call it comparing, I would call it sort of reflecting can be helpful, and that's maybe a little like a little noncommittal of me, but I think it can be a slippery slope when you are constantly comparing yourself to a version of yourself that was inherently different, because every week we go through seasons of life, our lives are ebbing and flowing and we have different priorities and we have different circumstances all the time, whether that be because of age, whether that be because of, you know, other commitments we have, whether that be because of available funds.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, there's a time in your life sometimes where you have less money than you have at other times.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, and I saw something recently that was like people aren't, I don't know it.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Reflecting on, life is just easier if you have more money.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: We know that.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's at the crux of many of the issues in our whole society at large.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Life is easier if you have access to money.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: People can afford trainers and meal plans and things like that.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Going back, there are different times in life where you're going to have more access or less access.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: There are going to be times in life where you have more time, less time, times in life where you have more sleep, less sleep.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: All of these are contributing factors in your ability to reach goals, and so when you compare yourself to a time where you had more time or more sleep or more energy, and then you are, your current version of you isn't measuring up to that old version of you.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: It's because you are a different you now, and so it can really steal from your progress, because you are trying to do the things that you did when life was different and you are failing at it.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: You're failing at it I don't know how many times I have to speak with clients and people in general.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: This is just in life.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: We believe, and I think one of the biggest keys to unlocking sustainable fitness and sustainable nutrition success is understanding that just because it worked last time does not mean it will work this time.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Let me say that again Just because it worked last time does not mean it will work this time.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Even if you did all of the same things, you hit the same calorie goals, you hit the same step goals, you did the same workouts Life is different, you are different, you are a different being and it may not work the same way.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: And if you can wrap your mind around that and be willing to try something different, or be willing for things to take longer, or be willing to readjust that end goal because that might not be the priority anymore, you start to appreciate what you can do in the moment and you're able to carry that on for much longer, much longer.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Remember you working out three times this year, all out for 90 minutes, is still less time than you working out 25 times this year for 10 minutes.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's about that long term.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: And so who we were then and what was going on in our life, if we're going to then compare ourselves, if we're going to use that as a barometer for our success.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: You got to think about all the things.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Like you said, you got to compare everything.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: You have to compare.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: How old were you?
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: What did you know?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: How many responsibilities did you have?
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know how many wonderful, incredible women talk about what they looked like in high school, when they had not yet fully developed into a grown human.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: And now they have three kids and a busy job and they are active in their community and they're upset that they don't look the way they looked in high school.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: It's not a judgment.
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's so many things about our society and our whole existence that are making you feel that way.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: But you are not a failure because you don't look like a prepubescent or adolescent version of yourself.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't compare your.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: I think you wouldn't do a lot of comparing when it came to the people that you love in your life.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Well, you used to be this or you used to be that.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: If you do, I would consider taking some time to reflect on that and ask yourself how kind is that?
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: But you wouldn't.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: And we are so harsh on ourselves comparing ourselves to a version of ourselves that simply was living in a different time, in a different life.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: It just is.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: You could be in a wildly different place six months from now, and so if you can do what you can do today without latching on to these ideas of a version of yourself prior to this, you're going to have greater success.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: So I think sometimes we think competition is going to yield great results, either competing with others in the gym or competing against yourself, and I think to a certain extent that can boost your ego a little bit.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: It can push you a little bit Sure.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: I think one we should probably include the person in our competition.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: I think it's a pretty you know Ick kind of thing to be walking into the gym and go thinking in your mind that person's my competition, like yuck, grow up.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: If you have a friend with whom you guys have friendly competition or you have, you know, sometimes people like compete on the Apple watch or where they do a challenge, great.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: But if your whole life is just kind of like using a comparison of someone else to sort of achieve goals, I think that can can spiral quickly into like a weird mental and emotional space.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: So I would encourage you to include people in your competition, in your friendly competition, if that's something that motivates you.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: If you are going to compete against yourself, meaning, are you going to compete against the person you were last week, last month?
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: I do a lot of reflecting on, you know, the on my abilities in the gym a year ago, five years ago, six months ago.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I also, though all in the same breath, take into consideration what was going on.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: So there are things and I would say, for the most part, most things I am happier with now than I was five years ago.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: But when I catch myself with a thing that's like, oh, that I could do that better, or I liked the way that was better than I, then take a moment and pause and say, hmm, but things were different then, or this is what that was like then and if I had this?
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: I can't have that.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: You know, it's this idea where you want to have this body that looks like this and you want to have this food plan that looks like this, and then you want to hit every single PR that you can and you want to be adding five pounds of of onto every squat, every single workout.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Those things all can happen, like, literally, when you lose weight and get smaller, your ability to lift more weight is going to start to slow down.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you might be able to continue to progress, but it's not going to progress at the same rate if you were putting on weight.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: So that's why we have to take the whole picture into consideration.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: So, if competition, if a little fun competition, helps you, make sure that you're regularly checking in on whether that is still serving you and making sure that it's all in like, in good spirits, you know, I think that's important.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about when we want to stop comparing, when we want to get out of that cycle of comparing ourselves to others because it's getting in the way, or comparing ourselves to a previous version of ourselves because it's getting in the way of our happiness now, our progress now and our ability to sustain our fitness habit.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: One you're going to make sure that your goals are your goals.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: It is much easier to compare to others when we are using borrowed goals.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: If you really want the thing that you're working toward, it's going to connect you back to you.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: If you are trying something because everybody else is doing it, if that's the goal, because you saw the other person in the gym doing it or you think that's what your goal should be.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: It is going to be much easier to compare yourself to those people, because it's not really what you want, it's not coming from that more intrinsic place, and we can use others for inspiration, for goals, but if we don't care about it, if it's not truly and authentically coming from us, it's going to be so much easier to fall into that comparison trap.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: So tune into what you really want, what is important to you.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Once we know what's important to us, what we are looking to achieve, it's going to help us keep our eye on the prize rather than let them wander to other people.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: The next one is going to be celebrating your wins as you go.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: So, as you are working, you're going to constantly be celebrating the things that are working now.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: What did I get done today?
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: What did I achieve in this moment?
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: The more we can bring ourselves to the present, the more success we're going to have.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: And if you are like me as a person who one loves to think about the past and is a planner, a thing that I am constantly working on is bringing myself to the present moment, and there's nothing better to me at bringing myself to the present moment than lifting heavyweights.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: You got nowhere else to be than right there, because you have to be right there.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: And the more you can connect to what's happening right now, the less you are going to be inclined to compare to someone out there, someone out in your periphery or that version of you from the past, because we're here right now.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: This is what we're accomplishing right now.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: And then, lastly, you're going to acknowledge those comparison thoughts when they come up.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: So one of the worst strategies when dealing with these comparative thoughts is to pretend you don't have them Any sort of negative thinking, intrusive thinking and I might be using the wrong phrase there but if we are constantly pushing it down and pretending it's not there, one, we are just letting it sort of linger in some hidden space.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: But also we're not acknowledging, maybe, the root of that thing or what is your connection to that thing?
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: So if we're having a comparative thought, what can we acknowledge in that moment and help use it to inform?
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: So when we compare to someone else that we think is going faster than us, can we acknowledge that we are maybe feeling like we could be giving more, or can we acknowledge that we think things aren't fair, even if that's not true?
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: Just acknowledging that we had the thought is important.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: Acknowledging that it looks easier for some people, acknowledging that maybe the reason you're comparing is because you admire that person's body or you admire that person's work ethic?
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Then how do you use it to inform the decisions you're going to make?
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: Or when you're comparing that version of yourself previously, and can you acknowledge that in that moment, maybe the reason you're comparing is because you were happier with yourself or you were happier with what you were able to accomplish?
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Again, it's not a judgment on now.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: It's just helping to inform where you are.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: The more we learn about ourselves, the better we can adjust our behaviors and actions to make our lives better in this given moment, which then sets us up better in the future.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: So don't try to pretend that they don't happen.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: Let them come in, acknowledge them, use what you can from it and move on.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: There's not a single person out there in the world that is not comparing themselves to other people.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: There are just people who are letting it take over everything and get in the way of their lives, versus other people who are letting it be and go.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: That's the place where we want to be.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I want to end.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: So let me just recap that and then I'm going to end with a thought One make sure your goals are your goals.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: That's going to help you to Limit that comparison.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Celebrate the wins as they go right now, every little present moment is important and then acknowledge that comparison.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: Let it inform you if there's anything you can use from it, and then let it go.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Let it go.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: So I'm gonna end with this one thought.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: I have a regular conversation with a client and they have brought up many times where they look at pictures of themselves from years before and they say to themselves I was so upset with how I looked in that moment, I was so disappointed with a number on the scale, and now, when I look at that picture, I don't see that at all.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I don't see that at all.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: I think about in this moment how I would love to be back in that moment.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: They think about how they wish they weren't overwrought with those feelings at that moment when they see that picture.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Your comparison is stealing your life right now.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: It's stealing your life right now.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: That's such a heartbreaking thing for me to hear it, and we're working on it and we've sort of addressed some of those things.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: But if you're spending your whole life hating your body, not enjoying your life because there's some number you're trying to get to, because you would be happier at 5, 10, 12, 20 pounds lighter, that's the key to happiness.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: And then, 20 years from now, you're looking back at that picture and going I had a great life and I missed it because I was thinking about the scale.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Stop comparing yourself to anybody else or to any future version of yourself that fits somebody's mold better.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Our lives are happening right now and I want you to find all the ways you can live completely fully in this moment.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: We don't get a lot of time we really don't and I want you to truly take advantage of this time.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Alright, I'm gonna go.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: I want you to think about these things.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I want you to let me know if it resonates.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: I want you to talk to me.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: You can email me, betsy, at bfosterstrongcom.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: You can send me an Instagram DM at foster underscore strength.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I am so appreciating their reviews.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna read them sometime on the podcast.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: I'm appreciating the ratings.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna come up with a way to incentivize some sharing and I'm just putting the last finishing touches on that, but thank you, as always, for listening.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate it.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: If you can get this podcast to other folks, encourage them to listen, I would be eternally grateful, but I'm eternally grateful for you right now.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Go live your life today, build your strongest body and I'll talk to you next time.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Bye.