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Transcript

12 | Throwin' Tootsie · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Sorry, hold on.
• 0:01
  Matt: I'm just working out something with the Google Sheet here.
• 0:04
  Matt: You know, I can I just take a second.
• 0:06
  Matt: Uh I know this this is super ooh, this is gonna be like deeply nerdy.
• 0:12
  Matt: But as somebody who works with Excel every day and has every day for for over three years or so, deep, deep, deep levels of intimacy with Microsoft Excel.
• 0:23
  Matt: Let me just say something about fucking Google Sheets for a second.
• 0:26
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:26
  Matt: There, yeah, you know what?
• 0:28
  Matt: Here it does come.
• 0:29
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:30
  Matt: Google Sheets, very good for collaboration, right?
• 0:33
  Matt: I'm not gonna pretend like the like because I also hate Microsoft OneDrive.
• 0:38
  Matt: But I also want to just say, real quick, can we just admit that Google Sheets is fucking terrible?
• 0:44
  Matt: It's terrible.
• 0:45
  Matt: It's terrible.
• 0:46
  Matt: If you want to do like a basic spreadsheet that other people gotta look at, sure, sure.
• 0:51
  Matt: Go ahead.
• 0:52
  Matt: Go ahead with your Google Sheet.
• 0:53
  Matt: But it can't do anything.
• 0:55
  Matt: Like it's not intuitive.
• 0:56
  Matt: The formulas suck.
• 0:57
  Matt: You have to look everything up in the help.
• 0:59
  Matt: If you're gonna copy Excel, copy Excel.
• 1:02
  Matt: Get the formulas right, get the functionality that I have grown accustomed to.
• 1:07
  Matt: Why don't I have a ribbon?
• 1:08
  Matt: Why can't I adjust what is on my ribbon?
• 1:11
  Matt: I need to be removing duplicates.
• 1:12
  Matt: I need to be locking panes.
• 1:14
  Matt: I need to have the filters right up there at the top of the screen.
• 1:17
  Matt: And you didn't give me a fucking ribbon.
• 1:19
  Eric: You're throwing a lot of words at me right now that I don't know what they mean.
• 1:25
  Eric: But I will say this.
• 1:28
  Eric: I through those words, I feel the hurt.
• 1:32
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:33
  Eric: And I believe you when you tell me that you believe Google sucks.
• 1:38
  Matt: Now, again, again, I want to say if you're like sharing like a basic sheet, a couple people gotta contribute or look at it or whatever, go for it.
• 1:46
  Matt: Okay, because Microsoft OneDrive is is not my favorite.
• 1:50
  Matt: But oh man, as somebody who like if I you know what?
• 1:55
  Matt: And I have a friend who has frequently said, like, oh my god, I love Google Sheets.
• 2:00
  Matt: Why?
• 2:01
  Matt: Is it because you don't know how to use Excel?
• 2:03
  Eric: Is that the reason?
• 2:05
  Eric: Uh I can tell you this much.
• 2:07
  Eric: I use Google Sheets more, uh, and it's only because it's someone has sent me something in Google Sheets and I know nothing about Excel.
• 2:16
  Matt: Because it's good for that, right?
• 2:17
  Matt: It's good to just send somebody a link, especially if you needed to make edits or reference it for something, or you know, everybody needs to fill out their line.
• 2:26
  Matt: That's where it that's where it belongs.
• 2:28
  Matt: That's its neighborhood.
• 2:30
  Matt: But if you need to actually be working with a spreadsheet, you need Excel.
• 2:36
  Matt: You need Excel.
• 2:38
  Eric: How many templates do you have?
• 2:39
  Eric: How many templates?
• 2:41
  Matt: For what?
• 2:42
  Eric: For Excel.
• 2:42
  Eric: Is it this Excel thing that has templates?
• 2:46
  Matt: So it's I would say it's a thing that you would make templates of.
• 2:50
  Matt: Um, I'm sorry.
• 2:52
  Matt: Well, no, no, no.
• 2:53
  Matt: I'm saying it's not like Word where like you have like a resume version and like it's not necessarily I'm sure there are out there, but I think you you customize Excel to be what are we really gonna open with a diatribe about Excel?
• 3:10
  Eric: This is our open, but I do just want to say, yo Google, yo Google, I know you're listening right now.
• 3:16
  Eric: You're always listening.
• 3:18
  Eric: Um we we were just joshing.
• 3:21
  Eric: We were just having a good old Josh with you, Google.
• 3:24
  Eric: We we still want that sponso.
• 3:27
  Eric: We want them bucks.
• 3:28
  Eric: Who owns Google?
• 3:30
  Eric: Like Jeff Bezos is Amazon.
• 3:33
  Eric: Just um who owns Zuck Zuck the Cuck is Facebook.
• 3:37
  Eric: Who owns Google?
• 3:39
  Eric: Uh well their CEO is Sundar Pikche.
• 3:42
  Eric: See, it alarms the fuck out of me.
• 3:44
  Eric: I've never heard that person's name until right now.
• 3:47
  Matt: Well, I think he knows what he's doing, maybe.
• 3:50
  Eric: That's what scares me.
• 3:51
  Matt: Yeah, we should be afraid of him and Google.
• 3:55
  Matt: No, just kidding.
• 3:56
  Matt: We want that, we want that sponsorship.
• 3:59
  Matt: You know, we were just, we were just I wasn't joking.
• 4:02
  Matt: God, Google Sheets is so bad.
• 4:04
  Matt: We're gonna get murdered in our city.
• 4:06
  Matt: Oh my god, I hate it.
• 4:33
  Eric: My name is Eric Poach.
• 4:35
  Matt: And Eric Poach, how are you doing?
• 4:37
  Eric: I am feeling so good right now, Matthew.
• 4:40
  Eric: I'm wearing my fine, fine, fine ass silky robe that you got me.
• 4:48
  Matt: Oh yes.
• 4:49
  Matt: It was long overdue because you got me this fine silky robe for it was our friend diversary.
• 4:58
  Matt: It was our friendiversary 12, right?
• 5:01
  Eric: 12 years.
• 5:01
  Eric: 12 years is the silk anniversary.
• 5:03
  Matt: It's the silk anniversary, and I pointed this out to you on Instagram and uh or on Facebook, I think, and you then gave me the uh this surprise of a lifetime, this silky road.
• 5:17
  Eric: I was furiously texting Lindsay, just like, hey, I need your address.
• 5:22
  Eric: Is it still the same?
• 5:22
  Eric: Never mind, I've got your address.
• 5:24
  Eric: We're good.
• 5:24
  Matt: So this was back in like uh October, I want to say, right?
• 5:28
  Matt: Or September.
• 5:29
  Matt: This is back in the hard times.
• 5:30
  Matt: This is back in the hard times.
• 5:31
  Eric: We're still in the hard times to be.
• 5:38
  Matt: No one was loosey-goosey.
• 5:39
  Matt: So I finally was able to uh get you the robe that you deserve.
• 5:45
  Matt: And here we are recording in it.
• 5:47
  Matt: We'll put this on the Instagram.
• 5:48
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 5:49
  Matt: Oh yeah, babies.
• 5:50
  Matt: A lovely little shot of us in these robes.
• 5:54
  Matt: The finest Amazon robes.
• 5:56
  Matt: But uh the finest like$20 Amazon robe.
• 6:00
  Eric: I guarantee this is gonna be soaked in my sweat by the end of the week.
• 6:04
  Eric: Yeah, no.
• 6:05
  Matt: This does not breathe.
• 6:06
  Matt: It doesn't not only does it not breathe, it's it's not well constructed.
• 6:12
  Matt: No, no, but it feels not.
• 6:14
  Matt: It's not an actual robe, it's a costume robe at best.
• 6:18
  Eric: But right now, I'm about it.
• 6:20
  Matt: Right now I'm about it, because you know I'm about a good bit.
• 6:23
  Matt: Oh god, yeah.
• 6:24
  Matt: Live and die by the bit.
• 6:26
  Matt: And speaking of bits, we got some good questions for you today.
• 6:31
  Matt: Uh, and the the first one comes to us, Eric, from uh from Reddit.
• 6:38
  Matt: Yeah, I was on the other.
• 6:40
  Matt: Well, it came from Reddit, but it's a question.
• 6:43
  Matt: It's an ageless question.
• 6:46
  Eric: We stumbled upon on Reddit.
• 6:48
  Matt: Yeah, while I was browsing the front page of the internet, I came upon this uh this sage question, and on on Reddit it came from possibly true info.
• 6:58
  Matt: But I think we've all asked this question at one time or another, and that question is, of course, what is the correct way to eat an Oreo?
• 7:08
  Eric: I immediately take issue with the question.
• 7:11
  Matt: Oh, alright.
• 7:13
  Eric: I immediately take issue with the question.
• 7:15
  Matt: Give me your Google Sheets of.
• 7:17
  Eric: Um It's the word correct.
• 7:22
  Matt: Okay.
• 7:23
  Matt: I believe it is a loaded word.
• 7:24
  Matt: I agree.
• 7:25
  Eric: It is loaded.
• 7:26
  Eric: Because it means there is an incorrect way to eat an Oreo, and I believe there is.
• 7:31
  Eric: And I believe the incorrect way to eat an Oreo is by forcing yourself to eat an Oreo the way someone else tells you you should.
• 7:42
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 7:43
  Eric: I believe everyone has their own correct way to eat an Oreo.
• 7:50
  Matt: Okay.
• 7:50
  Matt: And so are you saying that by answering this question, we become the enemy?
• 7:58
  Eric: I think we have to.
• 8:00
  Eric: I think we're dying heroes and living long enough to become the villains.
• 8:07
  Matt: Oh.
• 8:08
  Matt: Okay.
• 8:09
  Eric: That is that is our Oreo journey.
• 8:12
  Matt: Okay.
• 8:12
  Matt: So I guess the answer is now that that now that you've gotten that off your chest.
• 8:18
  Eric: Thank you.
• 8:19
  Matt: Do you have an answer to this question?
• 8:20
  Eric: Oh, I have an I have my answer.
• 8:22
  Matt: Okay.
• 8:23
  Matt: So, well, now is this your answer for what is the correct way, or is this your preferred way?
• 8:30
  Eric: I I do have an answer for correct way, and then there's my way.
• 8:34
  Matt: Okay.
• 8:35
  Matt: Maybe you know what?
• 8:36
  Matt: Maybe before we we we bring each other's up, why don't we just go through the options that I think we can have?
• 8:42
  Matt: Yes.
• 8:42
  Matt: All right.
• 8:43
  Matt: Uh because I think there's not there really isn't too many, right?
• 8:47
  Matt: You would think.
• 8:48
  Matt: Okay, so there's just biting into it.
• 8:52
  Eric: There we go.
• 8:53
  Matt: There's just that.
• 8:54
  Matt: And if you if your mouth is as large as yours and mine, you can do the whole thing in one bite if you want.
• 8:59
  Eric: Sushi style, baby.
• 9:00
  Eric: Sushi style.
• 9:01
  Matt: Pop it in.
• 9:02
  Eric: Pop in.
• 9:04
  Eric: Domo Oreo san.
• 9:06
  Matt: Or I, you know, I don't normally do that because I want to savor the experience.
• 9:11
  Matt: Experience.
• 9:12
  Matt: There's option two that I think is probably the way most people enjoy an Oreo, which is to delicately, with just the hint of a twist, unlock the first cookie and give that cream a good layer.
• 9:28
  Eric: Like you was a Nicholas Cage, unlocking the Declaration of Independence.
• 9:34
  Matt: Yes, like you are breaking into that bank vault.
• 9:39
  Eric: Drained your fingers, rubbed them on sandpaper to get them so sensitive.
• 9:43
  Matt: Yes, you you you firm up all the all the joints in your fing in your digits to just give the carefully because if you don't do the twist.
• 9:53
  Matt: Oh, if you don't do the twist, you're a fucking psycho.
• 9:56
  Matt: You are going to rip the cream.
• 9:58
  Matt: And I ask you, is there anything worse than a ripped cream?
• 10:01
  Matt: And no, it ultimate dishonor.
• 10:04
  Eric: Ultimate dishonor.
• 10:06
  Matt: Ultimate dishonor on the family.
• 10:08
  Eric: Ultimate dishonor on the family.
• 10:10
  Eric: I will say, well, another thing we have to get out of the way right now, as we're halfway through this.
• 10:15
  Eric: Matthew, I feel like this is gonna be easy one.
• 10:18
  Eric: Original or double stuff.
• 10:20
  Eric: Say it on three.
• 10:21
  Eric: One, two, three, double stuff.
• 10:24
  Eric: Okay.
• 10:25
  Eric: So that's a preference.
• 10:27
  Matt: That's a preference.
• 10:28
  Matt: That is a preference.
• 10:28
  Matt: It's the correct preference, but it is a preference.
• 10:31
  Matt: Here's what I'll say.
• 10:32
  Matt: Yep.
• 10:33
  Matt: Once they introduced the double stuff to a person like me, the regular Oreo will never be the same.
• 10:41
  Matt: Was no longer enough.
• 10:43
  Matt: Yep.
• 10:44
  Matt: I I it's not like I don't eat the regular Oreos.
• 10:46
  Matt: Oh no.
• 10:47
  Matt: I'll fucking smash on a regular Oreo.
• 10:50
  Matt: Now I will say this.
• 10:51
  Matt: I love the double stuff.
• 10:52
  Matt: Wasn't there a triple stuff for a little bit before they introduced like an XL stuff?
• 10:57
  Eric: Yeah.
• 10:57
  Matt: The mega stuff.
• 10:58
  Eric: The mega stuff.
• 10:59
  Matt: When they when they introduced isn't that what it is?
• 11:02
  Matt: Hold on.
• 11:03
  Eric: It's something along that line.
• 11:04
  Eric: It was it was a bridge too far.
• 11:07
  Matt: It was a bridge too far.
• 11:09
  Matt: So yes, I believe it is the mega stuff.
• 11:12
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:16
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:16
  Matt: It was too much stuff, Oreo.
• 11:18
  Matt: I didn't think you could get there.
• 11:20
  Matt: Oh no.
• 11:21
  Matt: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 11:22
  Matt: The mega stuff is its own thing.
• 11:24
  Matt: I'm thinking of the most stuff.
• 11:28
  Matt: Well, okay, first of all, presumptuous.
• 11:30
  Matt: I did get I did get it was the most stuff.
• 11:33
  Matt: It was limited time.
• 11:34
  Matt: It was like two years ago.
• 11:35
  Matt: And I do remember getting it just to review it.
• 11:39
  Matt: And I never thought I could get enough of that cream.
• 11:42
  Matt: And it turns out that you can have an upper limit.
• 11:45
  Matt: They did find the upper limit.
• 11:46
  Eric: I also, Matt, goddamn, we we gotta go, we gotta go deeper.
• 11:50
  Eric: Um Matt, sorry, take us deeper.
• 11:53
  Eric: Lean in.
• 11:54
  Eric: Everybody, everybody listening to the show right now.
• 11:57
  Eric: Everybody listening to the show right now, just lean in.
• 11:59
  Eric: You might need to turn your butt up.
• 12:00
  Eric: Don't worry, I'm not gonna scream into the button.
• 12:02
  Matt: And if you're driving, you need a button.
• 12:03
  Matt: Just pull off to the shoulder real quick.
• 12:04
  Eric: Pull off to the shoulder for this one.
• 12:05
  Eric: Make sure you're not being called.
• 12:09
  Eric: I was discussing this with someone right.
• 12:11
  Eric: I do have a theory that Oreos and double stuff have become thinner.
• 12:19
  Eric: I think double stuff might be slowly Cadbury cream egg style approaching the original Oreo next.
• 12:28
  Eric: And that Oreo thins came out so that when you saw a regular Oreo next to it, you wouldn't think anything was.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_05: Oh my god.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_05: I never even considered that happened.
• 12:38
  Eric: But that's not worth talking about during our fun show.
• 12:42
  Eric: No, no.
• 12:45
  Matt: Hold on, can you lean in real quick?
• 12:48
  Matt: Everybody come back in.
• 12:48
  Matt: Everybody, come back in.
• 12:50
  Matt: I never trusted those thin Oreo things.
• 12:53
  Matt: I never trusted it, and I never understood why they in why they were introduced into the canon, and now I do.
• 12:59
  Matt: You've opened my eyes.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_06: You have opened my eyes to the terror.
• 13:02
  Eric: Welcome, friend.
• 13:03
  Eric: There's no going back.
• 13:04
  Eric: You have bitten into the double stuffed knowledge.
• 13:08
  Eric: So the But that's not here nor there.
• 13:10
  Matt: Yeah, that's that's what's a little conspiracy from Nabisco from time to time.
• 13:19
  Matt: I will also say this.
• 13:20
  Matt: I don't have a problem.
• 13:22
  Matt: In fact, I revel in all the flavors.
• 13:25
  Matt: Because at a previous uh previous job of mine, my office mate and I made a bit out of like getting a different Oreo like basically every other day to bring into the office.
• 13:37
  Matt: They were going ham for a while.
• 13:39
  Matt: They and they still are because I think they realize there is a following to just well, there's a new Oreo flavor.
• 13:46
  Matt: Gotta try it.
• 13:47
  Matt: And I agree, I gotta try it.
• 13:48
  Matt: Some of them suck.
• 13:50
  Matt: Oh, some of them are terrible.
• 13:51
  Matt: Some of them are gross, but I gotta try it.
• 13:53
  Matt: Birthday cake Oreo?
• 13:54
  Matt: Yes, please.
• 13:55
  Matt: Birthday cake Oreo is a good one.
• 13:56
  Matt: Birthday cake Oreo.
• 13:57
  Matt: The gingerbread Oreos are pretty good.
• 13:59
  Matt: Very good.
• 14:00
  Matt: Those are pretty good.
• 14:01
  Matt: Only in only if it's chilly out, though.
• 14:04
  Matt: I don't want it in the heat of summer.
• 14:06
  Matt: I don't want a gingerbread Oreo in the heat of summer.
• 14:09
  Eric: Yeah.
• 14:10
  Eric: No, that's weird.
• 14:11
  Matt: Anyway, we should probably get back to the realm of the question.
• 14:14
  Eric: We got our twist.
• 14:15
  Matt: And then I think we have to discuss it since after all, Oreo is Milt's favorite cookie.
• 14:23
  Eric: And I remember Matthew harking back to a time when the Oreo was America's favorite cookie.
• 14:30
  Matt: I think it still is.
• 14:31
  Eric: I think it still is, but I I don't I want to know who came after them.
• 14:36
  Matt: I want to know who attacked that title because Who came swinging?
• 14:41
  Matt: Who came swinging for other cookies rights uh to be named or the America's favorite?
• 14:48
  Matt: Because I think I think we all can.
• 14:51
  Matt: I don't know anyone who doesn't.
• 14:53
  Matt: I don't know anyone who's like, uh Oreos are gross.
• 14:56
  Matt: I don't know anyone who's bad.
• 14:57
  Eric: At most, I've met people who are like, oh yeah, no, I don't mind Oreos.
• 15:01
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:01
  Matt: I've never met someone who dislikes an Oreo.
• 15:04
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 15:05
  Matt: Nobody dislikes them.
• 15:07
  Matt: Anyway, we should probably get back to the question.
• 15:09
  Eric: So we've got the twist.
• 15:11
  Eric: We also have which the twist and lick.
• 15:14
  Eric: The twist and lick.
• 15:14
  Eric: Gotta get gotta have a twist and lick.
• 15:16
  Eric: And now we're back to circle back to where you'll circle back.
• 15:20
  Eric: Let's just circle back.
• 15:21
  Eric: Milk's favorite cookie.
• 15:23
  Eric: So I am I'm of the opinion, and this is correct zone.
• 15:28
  Eric: I'm of the opinion that evalid either way, twist, lick, dunk the remains in the milk, or you could just keep it whole.
• 15:37
  Eric: And like I I like like dangling Achilles above the river sticks, hold like the tiniest sliver of the cookie, and slowly lower it.
• 15:48
  Eric: You could put the whole thing in the milk.
• 15:50
  Eric: And it is it is an emotional roller coaster.
• 15:53
  Eric: Because I the the the line between long enough and too long to break it is so And then and then you've lost your Oreo.
• 16:03
  Eric: Oh, it's and then I have to go on an expedition with Yes.
• 16:07
  Eric: Yes.
• 16:08
  Eric: God help me if there are no spoons clean, because I can't.
• 16:11
  Matt: Yeah, because then you're going in there like Jacques Cousteau trying to find the shipwreck of your Oreo.
• 16:17
  Matt: I have gone in with fingers, Matt.
• 16:19
  Matt: Of course you've gone in with fingers.
• 16:20
  Matt: You didn't need to tell me that.
• 16:22
  Eric: Yeah.
• 16:22
  Matt: Because if it breaks off, there's a moment where you think you can just catch it.
• 16:26
  Matt: There is there is it's it's an instinct of the hand.
• 16:34
  Matt: Something slipped out of it, and you just go, hmm.
• 16:37
  Matt: Do you this thing?
• 16:39
  Matt: This is off topic completely, but I feel like it's important.
• 16:42
  Matt: Do you do a thing?
• 16:43
  Matt: I have a thing where if I drop something and it goes straight down, it's right in front of me.
• 16:49
  Matt: I always, no matter what it could is, it could be a glass jar.
• 16:53
  Matt: And my instinct is to try to like catch it with my footslash hacky sack it up to me.
• 17:02
  Matt: And what always ends up happening is I kick it across the room.
• 17:06
  Matt: Whatever it is, it just goes, it just goes flying across.
• 17:11
  Matt: Uh, but I do it with everything.
• 17:13
  Matt: Keys, keys are the biggest culprit.
• 17:15
  Matt: But like I think in my head, I'm gonna do this thing where I like catch it on the top of my shoe and like fling it back up to me, like you know, jet-li style.
• 17:26
  Matt: And I'm not going to do that.
• 17:28
  Eric: My my twist, my variation on that is because I have such long arms, they're low enough that they are I've dropped something.
• 17:37
  Eric: So my other arm.
• 17:38
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 17:39
  Eric: My brain sends the reptile signal.
• 17:41
  Eric: Your arm can technically do it.
• 17:44
  Matt: You can Aria Stark this, yes.
• 17:46
  Eric: Yes.
• 17:47
  Eric: What happens is my limb just flails, like, but my hand doesn't catch up, so I end up smacking it across the room.
• 17:58
  Eric: Yeah, that's all over whatever I was trying to protect.
• 18:03
  Matt: Bashes into some poor grandmother standing in line next to you.
• 18:07
  Matt: Because I'll do this with it, and it doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter the setting.
• 18:10
  Matt: It's a base instinct in my brain that says, gotta try to catch it with your foot.
• 18:16
  Matt: Yep.
• 18:16
  Matt: I'll usually make a sound along the lines of the best is where I don't make a sound.
• 18:24
  Matt: I do make sounds, but the best is when I don't make a sound and I just silently kick something that then breaks.
• 18:35
  Matt: And no one knows what the fuck is wrong with me.
• 18:39
  Eric: Lizzie just walks into the room, glass jar of milk shatters on the wall, and then there's you dead silent.
• 18:48
  Eric: She's like, What the fuck are you doing?
• 18:50
  Matt: Jar of milk?
• 18:51
  Matt: What era do you think this podcast is doing?
• 18:54
  Matt: And you're just like, I kicked it.
• 18:56
  Matt: I dropped it and then I kicked it against the wall.
• 18:59
  Matt: Oh, it has happened.
• 19:00
  Matt: Yeah.
• 19:01
  Matt: So Milk's favorite cookie.
• 19:02
  Eric: Milk's favorite cookie.
• 19:03
  Eric: Let's circle back.
• 19:04
  Eric: Um, so I believe you can twist, lick all the cream off, dunk the halves in.
• 19:11
  Matt: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 19:14
  Matt: Whoa.
• 19:14
  Matt: I just want to make a clarifying statement.
• 19:16
  Matt: Could you say that again about the uh twist and lick procedure?
• 19:19
  Matt: Twist and lick twist?
• 19:22
  Eric: Sorry, lick all the cream off.
• 19:24
  Eric: Lick all the cream?
• 19:26
  Eric: Like 80%.
• 19:28
  Eric: Lick that clean.
• 19:30
  Eric: Well, no, if you lick it clean, you're you're dealing with a with like a fucking like a pancake at that point.
• 19:36
  Eric: Yeah, you don't lick it clean.
• 19:38
  Matt: You wanna lick it good.
• 19:40
  Eric: Yeah, to the point lick it good.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_05: You want to get a buckeye.
• 19:44
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:45
  Matt: You want to significantly reduce the cream.
• 19:48
  Matt: Significantly.
• 19:49
  Matt: But you don't for me, you don't want to have so little cream that when you uh get around to eating the cookie, you've got no cream.
• 19:56
  Eric: No, because then it's just dry cookie.
• 19:59
  Eric: Just dry cookie.
• 20:00
  Eric: And the the other half, the cleansed half, that is destined as pure milk cookie.
• 20:06
  Eric: That's just into the milk you go.
• 20:08
  Matt: Now, I will say if I fuck up the split, if if my twist isn't very good and I haven't gotten the Declaration of Independence, yes, and I've got a cracked, if I've got the cracked cream on both cookies, I I usually don't lick at that point.
• 20:22
  Matt: I just eat it.
• 20:23
  Matt: I consider it a failure and I eat it.
• 20:25
  Eric: Now, do you I have Matthew?
• 20:28
  Eric: This is a testament to my lowest point.
• 20:31
  Eric: There was a time in the bits of despair, yeah, I did the twist, I fucked it up.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 20:39
  Eric: I ripped the cookie open.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:41
  Eric: I stared at the two halves.
• 20:43
  Eric: I contemplated the effort of having to lick two Oreo halves, and then I just put them back together.
• 20:53
  Matt: Oh no! That's uh that's too much.
• 20:57
  Matt: Even the even the Oreo wished you didn't do that.
• 21:00
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:02
  Matt: So, Eric, I are those all the methods?
• 21:05
  Matt: Is there anything else?
• 21:07
  Eric: I mean, you could get you could you could be an asshole about it and name like 20,000 different technical different ways to eat an Oreo.
• 21:17
  Eric: Well, how do you eat an Oreo?
• 21:19
  Eric: Okay.
• 21:20
  Eric: Matt, do you remember like 10 minutes ago when we started this bit?
• 21:25
  Eric: Yeah.
• 21:26
  Eric: Partner 15 at this point, uh, I said there is there's no wrong way to eat an Oreo.
• 21:32
  Eric: Everyone has their own correct way to eat an Oreo, right?
• 21:35
  Eric: Yeah.
• 21:36
  Eric: Okay.
• 21:37
  Eric: I want you to remember that.
• 21:39
  Eric: Okay.
• 21:40
  Eric: So it's not bad.
• 21:42
  Eric: It's not wild.
• 21:43
  Eric: I'm not like dipping it in ranch.
• 21:45
  Eric: Well, I think I'll be the judge of that.
• 21:46
  Eric: So my method, and this is a method I developed over the course of college when I would visit home and my parents would stock lots of Oreos.
• 21:55
  Matt: You've workshopped this, yes.
• 21:56
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 21:57
  Eric: It would be like three in the morning, I'm on the couch.
• 22:00
  Eric: Watching like Blade Runner.
• 22:01
  Matt: Is it three in the morning or is it around say three twelve?
• 22:04
  Eric: Matt, I'm thinking it's around three twelve.
• 22:07
  Eric: I'm thinking this is it around Miller time?
• 22:09
  Eric: It's around Miller time.
• 22:10
  Eric: This is my Miller time.
• 22:12
  Eric: I would I would have in my lap the following array.
• 22:17
  Eric: Box of double stuffed Oreos.
• 22:20
  Eric: Jar of double crunchy peanut butter.
• 22:24
  Eric: Jar of Nutella.
• 22:27
  Eric: Okay.
• 22:28
  Eric: Spoon.
• 22:28
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 22:29
  Eric: Glass of milk.
• 22:31
  Eric: Oh.
• 22:32
  Eric: I would systematically get two double stuffed Oreos.
• 22:37
  Eric: Two double stuffed.
• 22:38
  Eric: I would using the spoon, I'd scoop out.
• 22:40
  Eric: I would actually have two separate spoons because I couldn't have cross-contamination between my condiments.
• 22:45
  Eric: Okay.
• 22:46
  Eric: I would have a spoon in the Nutella jar, it's scoop some out, smear it on one Oreo, take some double crunchy peanut butter, smear it on the other Oreo, mash them together, dunk, soak that fucking thing in milk and eat that.
• 23:00
  Eric: One sushi style, one go.
• 23:02
  Eric: There would there's no There's no second chances.
• 23:06
  Matt: Wait, the whole so it's one big sandwich?
• 23:08
  Matt: Yes.
• 23:09
  Matt: You eat that in one go.
• 23:10
  Matt: I eat that in one go.
• 23:12
  Matt: And you've got two double stuffs.
• 23:14
  Matt: Yep.
• 23:14
  Matt: On the on the outside.
• 23:16
  Matt: Yep.
• 23:16
  Matt: N peanut butter.
• 23:18
  Matt: Yep.
• 23:18
  Matt: Crunchy.
• 23:19
  Eric: Double crunchy peanut butter.
• 23:20
  Matt: Did I hear that correctly?
• 23:22
  Matt: Double crunchy?
• 23:23
  Matt: Double crunchy peanut butter.
• 23:24
  Matt: Okay, we'll get back to preferred peanut butters some other time.
• 23:29
  Matt: And then Nutella.
• 23:30
  Eric: Yes.
• 23:31
  Matt: And wasn't there a third one?
• 23:32
  Matt: And then there was another Oreo.
• 23:34
  Matt: Oh, just the other Oreo.
• 23:35
  Matt: Okay.
• 23:35
  Eric: So just the other Oreo.
• 23:36
  Matt: It does sound good, but it sounds like a lot for one.
• 23:39
  Eric: It is, it is a chore.
• 23:41
  Matt: It is bliss in my mouth.
• 23:44
  Matt: Um I would say that is a I I have to say, Eric, I have to interrupt.
• 23:47
  Matt: Yep.
• 23:47
  Matt: I think that is a separate snack in which the Oreo I have left Oreo.
• 23:53
  Matt: Well, you have left you've used the Oreo as the basis of your snack.
• 23:58
  Eric: No, that's fair.
• 23:59
  Eric: That's fair.
• 23:59
  Eric: It's kind of that would be kind of like me saying, Oh, I love Hershey bars, and then I explain how I eat Hershey bars is just a s'more.
• 24:06
  Eric: Like I'm s'moring it.
• 24:08
  Matt: You you wouldn't say your preferred way to eat a Hershey bar is a s'more.
• 24:12
  Eric: My other simpler way, I have another way I did eat Oreos.
• 24:17
  Eric: My other simpler way was anytime we'd get the Oreo minis, I'd fucking pour that shit into a bowl, pour milk over it, eat it like cereal.
• 24:26
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 24:26
  Matt: I mean that's that was before they made Oreo O's, but that I mean that's what they should have done with that cereal.
• 24:32
  Eric: That's all Oreo O's should have been.
• 24:35
  Matt: Now, okay.
• 24:37
  Matt: I think that's a noble snack that you've made.
• 24:39
  Matt: Thank you.
• 24:40
  Matt: I don't think it answers the qu I don't think it's applicable to the answer of when you're just eating an Oreo, just how all you've got is Oreo.
• 24:49
  Matt: All you've got is one of these Oreos.
• 24:51
  Matt: And maybe a glass of milk.
• 24:53
  Matt: And maybe a glass of milk.
• 24:54
  Matt: What is the right way to eat it?
• 24:56
  Matt: And for me, I'm gonna come out and just say, I'm a twist and lick.
• 25:00
  Eric: I'm a I'm a twist and lick myself.
• 25:02
  Eric: My addendum would be absent of twist and lick, you gotta be dunking that shit in milk.
• 25:07
  Matt: Yeah, because you deserve to raise the bar of the Oreo more than just biting into it.
• 25:15
  Matt: Yeah.
• 25:16
  Matt: Like do yourself the favor.
• 25:17
  Matt: The Oreo deserves better.
• 25:19
  Matt: The Oreo deserves better.
• 25:20
  Matt: The Oreo deserves better.
• 25:21
  Matt: This is ultimately about what is best for the Oreo.
• 25:25
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:25
  Matt: And what's best for the Oreo is that you you savor it by splitting its body in half delicately.
• 25:33
  Matt: So delicate.
• 25:34
  Matt: With with a Nicholas cage twist.
• 25:37
  Matt: And then give it a good lick.
• 25:39
  Matt: But don't quite make it clean.
• 25:40
  Matt: I think we established that.
• 25:42
  Eric: I give it, I give it a good like five or six hard licks.
• 25:45
  Matt: I find that five or six, you give it a hard lick.
• 25:48
  Eric: Give it a hard.
• 25:49
  Eric: You don't dealt.
• 25:49
  Eric: Well, you kind of have to prime it.
• 25:51
  Eric: If you just go at it like uh you won't get any cream.
• 25:54
  Eric: You gotta come in hard.
• 25:55
  Matt: No, you're not teasing the Oreo.
• 25:57
  Matt: Okay.
• 25:59
  Matt: You're not teasing the Oreo here.
• 26:01
  Matt: You gotta come in with you gotta go.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_08: Tease the Oreo, boy.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_08: Get after it.
• 26:05
  Matt: You gotta get after it.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah, get after it, boy.
• 26:08
  Matt: With a couple hard licks as you can.
• 26:10
  Matt: Yeah, a couple horror licks.
• 26:11
  Matt: All right.
• 26:12
  Matt: Well, I think I think so.
• 26:13
  Matt: I'm gonna say that the correct way for to put a button on it, either twist and lick or as you put it, the Achilles dunk.
• 26:22
  Eric: The Achilles dunk, baby.
• 26:24
  Eric: Achilles fucking dunk.
• 26:25
  Eric: And send us your wild ass ways to eat Oreos.
• 26:27
  Eric: I've shared mine.
• 26:28
  Eric: I've put myself out there.
• 26:31
  Matt: Yeah, like a like a hero.
• 26:33
  Eric: Like a fucking chunk.
• 26:35
  Matt: So by all means, let us know.
• 26:37
  Matt: That's at uh you didn't ask pod.
• 26:39
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod on Twitter or Instagram, uh, or at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com.
• 26:45
  Matt: Now, Eric, yeah, that I think about puts that question in the books.
• 26:50
  Matt: Shall we move on to another question?
• 26:52
  Matt: We shall.
• 26:53
  Eric: Uh, Matthew, this one has been fucking me up since like five minutes before we recorded when you explained the background of this question.
• 27:04
  Matt: Uh-huh, yeah.
• 27:05
  Matt: And this is something that we very blatantly asked for on Instagram.
• 27:10
  Matt: Because it is a s well, 2021 is a notable year for many reasons.
• 27:15
  Eric: And it's just gonna keep it's just gonna keep it's gonna keep keeping.
• 27:20
  Matt: It's gonna keep keeping because this is the year that brood X or Brood 10 or the great Eastern Brood of Cicadas emerge after 17 years in the ground.
• 27:33
  Eric: 17 years.
• 27:34
  Eric: The last time they erupted, I was 17 years ago, I I was in eighth grade.
• 27:41
  Matt: Now, uh, so anyway, anyway, the question.
• 27:44
  Eric: The question is, what are cicadas up to underground?
• 27:50
  Eric: And that's from our good friend Alex Kafarakis.
• 27:54
  Eric: Now I do want to say, originally saw this question, wasn't too wasn't too, you know, mind blown about it.
• 28:01
  Eric: I was like, okay, we're we're having a hypothetical thing, cicadas, you know, they're all dormant underground.
• 28:08
  Eric: Like, it's fun to imagine, like, you know, them having little parties and stuff instead of, you know, sleeping underground like they do.
• 28:18
  Eric: Yep.
• 28:19
  Eric: But then Matt had to say words that made me want to peel my skin off.
• 28:26
  Matt: What I have come to realize in doing some preparation for uh this question and in talking with Alex Cavaragas, who I should note didn't actually come right out and ask this question right away.
• 28:39
  Matt: Instead, he was asking questions like, have we ever eaten a cicada?
• 28:44
  Matt: Uh and then he provided us with many recipes uh for chocolate-covered cicada.
• 28:49
  Matt: Let's see, what all did he share with us actually?
• 28:52
  Eric: Put his put his good work, put let's put it on the fridge.
• 28:54
  Eric: Let's put this on the fridge.
• 28:56
  Eric: That could be a segment.
• 28:57
  Eric: Putting it on the fridge.
• 28:58
  Matt: Oh, what would we put on the fridge?
• 29:01
  Eric: Cicada recipes, Oreo techniques.
• 29:04
  Matt: So the first one that he So here are some that he sent to us.
• 29:08
  Matt: Yeah Chocolate-covered cicadas, crispy wok tossed cicadas, cica delicious pizza.
• 29:18
  Eric: Bit of a stretch, but okay.
• 29:19
  Matt: And then something called emergence cookies.
• 29:22
  Eric: That sounds alarming.
• 29:25
  Matt: Yes, they all involve fucking cicadas, though.
• 29:27
  Matt: So it's a weird thing.
• 29:28
  Eric: But there it is, up on the fridge where everyone can see it.
• 29:30
  Matt: There it is.
• 29:31
  Matt: It's honored, but it got me thinking about really what is the deal with them.
• 29:35
  Matt: Because I would like to read to you now something, Eric.
• 29:38
  Eric: Here's the skin peeling part.
• 29:40
  Eric: Go on.
• 29:40
  Matt: This this is from cicadamania.com, which I can only assume is the uh authoritative source for all things cicadas.
• 29:49
  Matt: Um under the life cycle section, the cicada will stay underground from two to seventeen years, depending on the brood, of course.
• 29:57
  Matt: And cicadas are active underground.
• 30:02
  Matt: Tunneling, feeding, and not sleeping or hibernating as is commonly thought.
• 30:10
  Matt: They're awake! So the big thing about cicadas, and these these cicadas are awake under there.
• 30:17
  Matt: We're talking specifically about Brood X.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_05: The entire time.
• 30:21
  Matt: Uh, the Great Eastern Brood, which is set to emerge this year after 17 years underground in Delaware, Illinois, Georgia, Indiana, New York, Kentucky, Maryland, North Carolina, New Jersey, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia, Michigan, and Washington, D.C.
• 30:41
  Matt: They're awake.
• 30:44
  Matt: They are coming, but they're awake under there.
• 30:47
  Eric: Eating tree.
• 30:48
  Eric: Seventeen years!
• 30:50
  Matt: And tunneling.
• 30:51
  Matt: And apparently, and I I'm also looking at the Brood X Wikipedia page, they also are only about two feet under ground.
• 31:01
  Matt: Fuck that.
• 31:02
  Matt: They're not even that deep.
• 31:04
  Eric: I would rather, I would rather they went to the bowels of the fucking earth like mole men, and they had societies down there.
• 31:13
  Eric: They're Yes.
• 31:14
  Matt: In my brain, in my brain, when cicadas go down there, they're digging deep, digging deep, digging deep to a to a to a dungeon, to a to uh if I if I may, yes, if I may, to where where you if this were Minecraft, you were finding lava mines.
• 31:32
  Matt: Yeah, you were hitting diamonds, baby.
• 31:34
  Matt: You're hitting diamonds, alright?
• 31:36
  Matt: You're many cubes underground at this point.
• 31:39
  Matt: And when you're down there, you find the cicada lair.
• 31:43
  Matt: There we are.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_06: Where they're all sleeping, waiting, germinating, and becoming the full-blown cicada they were destined to be.
• 31:53
  Eric: And maybe one's awake.
• 31:54
  Eric: Maybe one's awake.
• 31:55
  Eric: He's like the guardian.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_04: He's like, Oh yes, you've you've traveled many cubes to our lair.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_04: And my lair.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_04: I cannot let you leave.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_04: You see, I am the watcher.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_04: I am the watcher of the cicade.
• 32:13
  Eric: They call themselves the cicade.
• 32:15
  Eric: The cicade.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_02: But no, there isn't a watcher.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_02: They're all watchers because they're all awake tunneling.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and that begs the question: why?
• 32:27
  Matt: What are they up to down there?
• 32:29
  Matt: And why hasn't there been a full-blown bug's life adaptation of the cicadas life?
• 32:37
  Eric: That like that shit markets itself.
• 32:39
  Eric: Pixar, you could have you could have teed this up.
• 32:42
  Eric: You had 17 years to plan it.
• 32:45
  Matt: Beyond that, you could have released at least two by this point.
• 32:48
  Eric: Ugh.
• 32:49
  Eric: Okay, so these little fucking creeps.
• 32:54
  Eric: These creeps, these singing creeps.
• 32:56
  Matt: These degenerates.
• 32:58
  Matt: They're awake and they're underground.
• 33:00
  Eric: Are two on two feet underground.
• 33:04
  Eric: But that's the thing.
• 33:05
  Eric: Two feet is not that far nothing.
• 33:08
  Matt: It is nothing.
• 33:09
  Matt: Because you never, you never hear stories.
• 33:12
  Matt: Now, if you're out in the garden with your little trowel, you're not going two feet deep, okay?
• 33:17
  Matt: But you never hear stories.
• 33:20
  Matt: Uh no one has ever said to me, Oh, yeah, I was digging today and my I was, you know, redoing my backyard and I came across some cicadas.
• 33:27
  Matt: Nobody ever says that.
• 33:28
  Matt: We hit cicada whale.
• 33:30
  Matt: Buzz and go! And that leads me to believe that the cicadas, when they sense danger, burrow even deeper.
• 33:36
  Matt: Oh, fuck that.
• 33:37
  Matt: They take it a little deeper.
• 33:38
  Matt: Matt, you keep introducing elements in this that make me hate it more.
• 33:42
  Matt: What I'm saying to you is they don't want to be seen.
• 33:44
  Matt: And they when they hear, when they hear that shovel coming, they say, Oh no, boys, down we go.
• 33:50
  Matt: We gotta take it a couple cubes deeper.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_08: Go on, even now.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_06: Come on, come on, the cicade, follow me into the depths of the air.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_05: Thus always have we persisted.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_05: The time is not right for us.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_05: When the moon screams and the sun goes dark, then we will rise.
• 34:11
  Matt: Yes, I I like to think that they're tunneling.
• 34:14
  Matt: There's a big meetup hall where the head succade.
• 34:18
  Matt: What and what is what is this head secade's name?
• 34:20
  Matt: This what the or like his title?
• 34:23
  Matt: The watcher's name.
• 34:24
  Eric: Oh man.
• 34:25
  Eric: First of all, it is not a name that can be pronounced in the tongue of man.
• 34:29
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 34:30
  Eric: You're right.
• 34:32
  Eric: I would have to bisect your tongue.
• 34:34
  Eric: Just something more like the closest equivalent.
• 34:39
  Eric: I would have to jam a kazoo into your esophagus.
• 34:43
  Matt: To get the cicada song.
• 34:45
  Matt: You're right.
• 34:46
  Matt: But the humans may call him.
• 34:49
  Matt: Just call him the watcher.
• 34:50
  Matt: The watch.
• 34:51
  Matt: I like to think that he gets up at a podium every night and is and goes on diatribes of the great paradise that awaits us above the surface.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_06: When the timing is correct, we shall go up and we shall make love to one another like there is no tomorrow.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_05: They will watch us breed.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_06: And you will sing your love song so those humans will know we are doing it in the woods.
• 35:23
  Eric: That's really all it comes down to.
• 35:25
  Eric: I think we're hitting it.
• 35:27
  Eric: I think it is one incredibly degenerate cicada's dream to just make us all watch them fuck.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, excuse me, uh, Mr.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: Watcher, is is there a reason uh because you know, we've been down here five years or so now.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: I I feel pretty good.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_08: Silence, boy! Oh you question the watcher! I just seem to feel like I'm ready for an emergency day.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_08: Rip off his canapace, string out his wings.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_08: No!
• 36:03
  Matt: I do feel as though he's like a cult leader, the watcher.
• 36:06
  Eric: Very cult leader.
• 36:07
  Matt: So the cicadas are a cult.
• 36:09
  Matt: We've decided we've decided.
• 36:10
  Eric: The cicade.
• 36:11
  Eric: He's what happens when you get Charles Manchin and Jared Leto.
• 36:16
  Eric: The psycho god of underground fuckfests.
• 36:20
  Matt: Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 36:22
  Matt: Yeah, he doesn't have the charisma of a of a Jim Jones or uh a Keith Rainier.
• 36:29
  Matt: He he's more of he's more of just a straight-up cartoon villain.
• 36:34
  Eric: Yeah, very mustache twistling.
• 36:37
  Matt: The cicadas are I just said the cicades.
• 36:40
  Matt: The cicadas, as a general populace, do we think they they just can't stand up to the watcher?
• 36:47
  Matt: I think so they fall in line like Yeah, I well, I think he's huge.
• 36:51
  Eric: I think he's like he's like a big, nasty boy.
• 36:54
  Matt: Oh, he's you're saying he's significant, he's the biggest fucking cicada you've ever seen.
• 36:59
  Eric: Oh, that's why, and I think that's the other angle of it, is he encourages this giant fuck fest so every now because like he eats them and they have like is tribute.
• 37:11
  Eric: Oh and then he starts depleting the stores, so he has to send them all out to fuck so they can so it so they fuck enough for him, they make enough for him to eat part of the brood for 17 years.
• 37:26
  Eric: For 17 years, and that's a lot of fucking.
• 37:29
  Eric: So that's where the cult part comes in to get that much fucking per capita.
• 37:33
  Matt: I mean, it does it does have it does ring of a sex cult, the amount of reproduction.
• 37:39
  Eric: For my Star Trek fans out there, it's got a bit of a pawn far vibe to it.
• 37:43
  Eric: Yeah, that's where Vulcans go crazy with hormonal fuck lust.
• 37:48
  Eric: Oh and if they don't have sex, they'll literally murder each other.
• 37:52
  Matt: I will confess, I I really am not, I don't know, I don't have much knowledge of Star Trek, but I have been thinking to myself, ever since Next Generation showed up on Netflix, I should just binge the thing.
• 38:02
  Matt: That's what I did.
• 38:03
  Matt: Do you do sh do I need to go to the OG series or nah?
• 38:07
  Eric: Nah.
• 38:07
  Eric: You you can start, and I know you're gonna argue with me on this.
• 38:11
  Eric: You can skip season one.
• 38:14
  Eric: Of next generation?
• 38:15
  Eric: Of next generation.
• 38:16
  Eric: I would never do that earlier.
• 38:17
  Eric: I know.
• 38:18
  Eric: But then then let me tell you this: it isn't good until Riker gets a beard.
• 38:23
  Matt: Oh, there's a point where Riker doesn't have a beard?
• 38:25
  Matt: Yes, Matthew.
• 38:27
  Matt: Oh, I've never even seen pictures of a clean shaven beard.
• 38:30
  Eric: There's a reason you have it.
• 38:32
  Matt: Okay.
• 38:33
  Matt: Alright.
• 38:33
  Matt: Well, just circle back real quick to the circle back.
• 38:36
  Matt: Let's circle back.
• 38:37
  Matt: So, what they're doing under there is is uh nightly meetings, cult meetings of the cicade.
• 38:45
  Matt: Yeah.
• 38:46
  Matt: Listening to the quote-unquote wisdom of the watcher.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_05: The watcher, the watcher.
• 38:54
  Matt: Wow.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 38:56
  Matt: Sorry, were you gonna make cicada sounds?
• 39:00
  Eric: I don't think those are cicada sounds.
• 39:02
  Matt: No, no.
• 39:02
  Matt: Those are just the watch.
• 39:03
  Matt: Does the watcher go up?
• 39:05
  Eric: Fuck no.
• 39:05
  Eric: He's a pervert.
• 39:06
  Eric: He's just watching.
• 39:07
  Eric: He's like I I I imagine he's like co-opted a rabbit's hole and he's just watching.
• 39:13
  Matt: He's never emerged.
• 39:15
  Eric: He's never emerged.
• 39:16
  Matt: Because he knows they're all gonna die.
• 39:18
  Matt: After they emerge, they're going to die.
• 39:21
  Matt: He has never come out.
• 39:23
  unknown: No.
• 39:23
  Matt: He has been under this earth for generation after generation.
• 39:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 39:29
  Matt: And none of them have the wisdom to realize that if they leave the ground, they give up their immunity.
• 39:36
  Eric: Yep.
• 39:37
  Eric: Their invincibility.
• 39:39
  Eric: New YA novel coming the summer, kids.
• 39:42
  Eric: Oh my god, the cicade.
• 39:45
  Eric: The cicade.
• 39:46
  Matt: Book one, emergence.
• 39:48
  Matt: Oh, right there.
• 39:49
  Matt: There it is.
• 39:50
  Eric: There it is, dude.
• 39:51
  Matt: There it is.
• 39:51
  Matt: Cicade.
• 39:52
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 39:54
  Eric: Get Patrick Rothis on the line.
• 39:56
  Eric: Let's make this happen.
• 39:57
  Eric: Book two, Resurgence.
• 39:59
  Eric: And then we stop writing.
• 40:01
  Eric: We hook him and we just stop writing.
• 40:03
  Eric: We just abandoned the series in book two.
• 40:05
  Eric: Cut an HBO deal.
• 40:07
  Eric: We're in Bennis.
• 40:08
  Eric: We're in business.
• 40:10
  Eric: I'll settle for Showtime.
• 40:12
  Matt: The Cicade.
• 40:14
  Matt: Alright.
• 40:15
  Matt: So there you have it.
• 40:17
  Matt: Alex Kavarakis and the world.
• 40:19
  Matt: Thank you for the question.
• 40:20
  Matt: Yes.
• 40:21
  Matt: Or at least the inspiration for the question.
• 40:23
  Matt: And Eric, I believe that brings us to another question that is also uh that inspired a lot of other thoughts between you and you.
• 40:33
  Eric: And we're and we're circling back.
• 40:35
  Eric: It's also another circle back.
• 40:36
  Eric: Or rather, you know, our first question, delightful candies in the Oreos.
• 40:42
  Eric: Yeah.
• 40:43
  Eric: Second question, gross pervert cicada lords.
• 40:47
  Eric: And and and recipes.
• 40:49
  Eric: And recipes.
• 40:50
  Eric: Third question, let's bring it back to tasty treats.
• 40:54
  Eric: So our question is, essentially, I've noticed another theme for this episode is us taking the word salad our friends send us and just giving it a little massage.
• 41:07
  Eric: Just massaging it.
• 41:08
  Eric: Yes, giving it a little massage.
• 41:10
  Eric: Giving it a little punch up.
• 41:12
  Eric: The question from our good friend eboots1 on Instagram.
• 41:18
  Eric: Hi Boots.
• 41:20
  Eric: What makes the owl an expert on eating Tootsie Pops?
• 41:25
  Matt: Yes.
• 41:26
  Matt: And originally she had asked us why was the um you know owl eating the Tootsie Pop in the first place?
• 41:35
  Matt: Which if I'm not mistaken, Eric, he wasn't.
• 41:38
  Matt: In the in the ad, they come to him.
• 41:42
  Matt: They come to they come to him.
• 41:44
  Matt: They go to him.
• 41:45
  Eric: These children.
• 41:46
  Eric: These children.
• 41:47
  Eric: These meddling kids, if you will.
• 41:50
  Eric: By every metric, meddling kids give an owl, arguably an endangered species.
• 41:59
  Eric: Okay, yeah.
• 42:00
  Eric: Candy.
• 42:02
  Matt: They're feeding junk food to the wild.
• 42:04
  Matt: Yeah, only after they consult some other species.
• 42:07
  Eric: An owl who I believe was he wearing a mortarboard or am I imagining that?
• 42:13
  Matt: He's wearing like a little like graduation hat as a bigger one.
• 42:15
  Eric: Yeah, a mortarboard.
• 42:16
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 42:17
  Eric: Yeah, okay.
• 42:18
  Matt: I didn't know that's what that was called.
• 42:19
  Matt: I trust me, I didn't until like this year.
• 42:22
  Matt: I have two of them to my name, but uh anyway.
• 42:26
  Matt: The and as we all know, his response was a one, a two, crunch, and a three.
• 42:34
  Eric: I do want two quick corrections, Matt.
• 42:37
  Matt: Or no, it's one, two, three, and crunch, right?
• 42:39
  Eric: Very, very good first take, Matt.
• 42:41
  Eric: Thank you.
• 42:42
  Eric: Uh but I do want to I do want to note it is a one, a to-hoo, a three.
• 42:48
  Eric: You got it's a a to-hoo.
• 42:52
  Eric: He he he made it uh a two-syllable.
• 42:55
  Matt: Yeah.
• 42:55
  Matt: Okay.
• 42:56
  Matt: Note taken.
• 42:56
  Matt: Can I uh can I Yeah, can you can we get it?
• 42:58
  Matt: Can we get it again?
• 42:59
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 42:59
  Matt: Yeah, I'll you want me to go from the beginning?
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_08: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 43:02
  Matt: Okay, great.
• 43:03
  Matt: A one, a ta-hoo, a three.
• 43:07
  Matt: There we go.
• 43:08
  Matt: But it is crunch and a three.
• 43:11
  Matt: Yes.
• 43:11
  Matt: Or one, a ta-hoo, a three, crunch and three.
• 43:15
  Eric: Yes.
• 43:16
  Eric: I think it's almost it's it's like the perfect example of like a pinter bee.
• 43:20
  Matt: Regardless, he eats it, he bites it, and that is not what because what they were asking, and it's a question everybody has asked since how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
• 43:35
  Matt: And even though Boots asked us what makes the owl an expert on eating Tootsie Pops, I think the answer is he's not.
• 43:43
  Matt: He's not, he's just a he's a fucking animal.
• 43:45
  Matt: We don't know where he got that hat.
• 43:46
  Matt: Wild animal with a hat.
• 43:48
  Matt: They he does have a title.
• 43:50
  Matt: He's Mr.
• 43:50
  Matt: Owl.
• 43:51
  Matt: So he goes, yeah, okay.
• 43:52
  Matt: So he's a learned owl.
• 43:55
  Matt: Owls are he owls are very wise by nature.
• 43:58
  Matt: We know this.
• 43:59
  Matt: So they approach.
• 44:00
  Matt: A wise owl, but he clearly isn't equipped because he gave it a one, a to hoo hoo, a three.
• 44:08
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:09
  Matt: And then he ate it.
• 44:10
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:10
  Matt: This is a creature that like eats things alive.
• 44:14
  Eric: Yes.
• 44:15
  Matt: He doesn't have the patience to get to the bottom of this question.
• 44:19
  Matt: So the answer, Eboots One, what makes the owl an expert on eating Tootsie Pops is that he's not.
• 44:25
  Matt: Absolutely fucking nothing.
• 44:27
  Matt: But this does beg the more important question: how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
• 44:37
  Matt: And you know what, Eboots One?
• 44:39
  Matt: I think you also were really asking us this question when you were asking us about the owl.
• 44:46
  Matt: Yeah.
• 44:47
  Matt: So, with that in mind, Eric, I think there's only one way to know.
• 44:53
  Matt: Oh, man, I got a Tootsie Pop.
• 44:57
  Eric: So what flavor are you rocking, baby?
• 44:59
  Eric: What flavor are you rocking?
• 45:00
  Matt: I've got orange.
• 45:02
  Eric: My man.
• 45:02
  Eric: I only got one orange in my bag.
• 45:05
  Eric: I'm rocking pomegranate right now.
• 45:06
  Eric: I'm saving the orange.
• 45:07
  Eric: Pomegranate.
• 45:08
  Eric: Pomegranate.
• 45:09
  Eric: Yeah, I didn't even know they made pomegranate.
• 45:11
  Matt: Okay.
• 45:12
  Matt: So now, Eric, before we get going, what do when you because normally I would just kind of pop this in here.
• 45:20
  Matt: Okay.
• 45:21
  Matt: And give, and just, you know, as you would with any lollipop.
• 45:24
  Matt: But I feel the answer is how many to how many licks does it take?
• 45:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 45:28
  Matt: I think what I'm going to do, my here's here's my strategy.
• 45:32
  Matt: Yep.
• 45:33
  Matt: I am going to straight up lick one side of this thing.
• 45:36
  Eric: Okay.
• 45:36
  Eric: That's that's what I was thinking.
• 45:38
  Eric: We're going to do this lollipop guild style.
• 45:40
  Eric: Lollip is that how the lollipop guild operates?
• 45:44
  Eric: I don't know where I was coming from with that.
• 45:46
  unknown: Okay.
• 45:47
  Matt: You just associated the word lollipop with the lollipop guild.
• 45:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 45:50
  Matt: Okay.
• 45:51
  Matt: So how should we go about this?
• 45:53
  Matt: Just count off as now, because I want to I want it to be known, Eric.
• 45:57
  Matt: As we've already discussed on this podcast, I have a very powerful tongue.
• 46:00
  Eric: Uh your tongue is not of this earth, Matt.
• 46:03
  Matt: It goes on for days and days.
• 46:06
  Eric: Fucking right.
• 46:07
  Matt: I'd be interested to see how you, with uh not a embarrassing tongue by any means, as far as I know.
• 46:15
  Matt: It's fine.
• 46:16
  Matt: That's a very average tongue.
• 46:18
  Matt: It is a Yelleman's tongue.
• 46:20
  Matt: But it is not this Gene Simmons beast that I fucking.
• 46:24
  Eric: You gotta, we need a did you have we put a picture of that on Instagram?
• 46:27
  Matt: I have not put a picture of my raw tongue.
• 46:31
  Eric: That shit on Instagram.
• 46:33
  Eric: You can do it mid-Totsie Pop lick, just so we can like get the Maybe, maybe.
• 46:38
  Matt: All right.
• 46:38
  Matt: All right.
• 46:39
  Matt: Well, so first of all, so just count off?
• 46:42
  Matt: Just count off.
• 46:43
  Matt: Okay.
• 46:43
  Eric: Well, I yeah, we don't, yeah.
• 46:44
  Eric: Yeah.
• 46:45
  Eric: God, we're gonna be here a while.
• 46:46
  Matt: Now wait a minute, Eric.
• 46:48
  Matt: I can clearly see the Tootsie Pop is closer to one side than the other.
• 46:53
  Eric: Well, my Tootsie Pop.
• 46:55
  Eric: Oh, well, well, see, that's where I have the advantage.
• 46:57
  Eric: My pomegranate, I can't tell that.
• 46:59
  Eric: I think I can from looking at yours.
• 47:01
  Eric: Uh, here's what you do.
• 47:02
  Eric: Here's what you're gonna do.
• 47:02
  Eric: You're gonna close your eye, you're gonna rush and roulette, spin your lollipop around, whatever side it lands on, that's the side you're gonna fucking lick, my dude.
• 47:09
  Eric: Got it.
• 47:09
  Eric: All right.
• 47:10
  Eric: Alright, are we ready?
• 47:11
  Eric: Oh, we're ready.
• 47:12
  Eric: One, one, two, three, four, five, seven, eight, eight, nine, nine, ten, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, four, eight, fifteen, okay.
• 47:25
  Matt: Thirty nine, forty, forty one, forty two, forty three.
• 47:29
  Matt: Ooh, got a little drool.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, forty four, forty five, forty eight.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_02: This is gonna fuck us up so bad.
• 47:44
  Matt: Thank you.
• 47:49
  Matt: I'm picking up the page, baby.
• 47:50
  Matt: Okay.
• 47:51
  Matt: One of two, three, no, no, no.
• 47:58
  Eric: Fuck it, your tongue is like a demon.
• 48:01
  Matt: 21.
• 48:01
  Matt: 121.
• 48:05
  Matt: Oh my god, I'm getting tired.
• 48:06
  Matt: My jaw hurts.
• 48:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 48:08
  Matt: My tongue is mad at me.
• 48:10
  Matt: 110.
• 48:11
  Matt: 110.
• 48:12
  Matt: I'm at 130.
• 48:16
  Matt: 137.
• 48:17
  Eric: Does that count if I do like a back and forth motion?
• 48:19
  Matt: You can't do back and forth.
• 48:21
  Matt: Okay.
• 48:21
  Matt: I'm going straight down.
• 48:23
  Matt: Alright.
• 48:24
  Matt: I am sort of uh some of these have been just like painting my tongue with it.
• 48:28
  Matt: Who made you Chancellor of the Lollipop Guild?
• 48:30
  Matt: I am the Watcher of the Tootsies.
• 48:34
  Eric: No! Oh no, I do want to quickly address.
• 48:37
  Eric: I feel like the Tootsie Pop Owl and the Watcher of the Cicade could exist in the same universe.
• 48:43
  Eric: Do with that what you will.
• 48:47
  Eric: 150.
• 48:48
  Eric: One like fucking 25.
• 48:51
  Eric: I don't think I'm getting close at all.
• 48:52
  Matt: Alright.
• 48:53
  Matt: 80.
• 48:54
  Matt: 80.
• 48:54
  Matt: I just jumped from 30 to 80.
• 48:56
  Matt: 230.
• 48:57
  Matt: I'm on 230.
• 48:58
  Matt: Okay, 230.
• 48:59
  Matt: I I got confused.
• 49:00
  Matt: Oh, I'm this is wearing my own.
• 49:01
  Eric: If you care from that, eat enough Tootsie Roll Pops, you'll be at 230.
• 49:13
  Matt: 290?
• 49:14
  Matt: Oh, I can see it.
• 49:16
  Matt: I can fucking see it.
• 49:17
  Matt: Me too.
• 49:18
  Matt: I'm working now.
• 49:19
  Matt: I'm I'm at uh uh uh 240.
• 49:22
  Matt: 300?
• 49:23
  Matt: I thought you were at 340.
• 49:24
  Matt: 340, that's why.
• 49:29
  Matt: I mean it's gotta show up here eventually, right?
• 49:32
  Matt: Yeah.
• 49:33
  Matt: See, I'm seeing the edges of what could you got tootsie?
• 49:37
  Matt: Hold on.
• 49:37
  Matt: I want to get the flavor of it, but I just got the consistency.
• 49:41
  Eric: I judge it by silence.
• 49:42
  Eric: Silence on the field.
• 49:45
  Eric: He has the fucking wildest experience.
• 49:47
  Matt: We got tootsie! We got tootsie! And I am at 448.
• 49:54
  Matt: Damn, girl.
• 49:55
  Matt: 448 licks to just one side.
• 49:58
  Matt: Look at that.
• 50:01
  Eric: Yeah, I got very clearly see like what sides we were working.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_01: So the answer for me is 448.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_01: What was your answer?
• 50:10
  Eric: Like, per, like, I was I don't even think I cracked 400.
• 50:15
  Eric: But I was close.
• 50:16
  Matt: I have like, if you look close, you'd not you didn't answer your question.
• 50:20
  Matt: You didn't count how many licks?
• 50:21
  Eric: Oh no, I counted how many licks.
• 50:22
  Eric: I was like, uh I think my final was like 3 like 89.
• 50:28
  Matt: But you gave up.
• 50:29
  Matt: You didn't give a final.
• 50:30
  Eric: I gave up, you beat me.
• 50:31
  Matt: Oh, I didn't know we were racing.
• 50:33
  Matt: You got me licked.
• 50:34
  Matt: I licked ya.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_08: Uh-huh.
• 50:36
  Matt: So there you go, eboots won.
• 50:38
  Matt: The answer to the question, the age-old question.
• 50:41
  Matt: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
• 50:44
  Matt: The answer is, of course, 448.
• 50:46
  Matt: If you're giving it a good strong lick, a good hard lick with a big long tongue.
• 50:51
  Matt: Uh, if you got a tiny dainty little tongue, it might take you oh, much more.
• 50:55
  Matt: But there you are.
• 50:56
  Matt: And as for what makes the owl an expert on Tootsie Pop, he's not.
• 51:00
  Matt: He's just some guy.
• 51:01
  Matt: Yep.
• 51:01
  Matt: Now, Eric, uh, to end things today, should we I think we owe it to everybody because we put this on Instagram.
• 51:08
  Matt: You sent me a little bit of a gift.
• 51:10
  Eric: God damn right I did, baby.
• 51:13
  Matt: And that gift was, as promised in episode 10, a butterbell.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_05: A butterbell.
• 51:19
  Matt: Which I think, if Eric, uh if you can recall, if you can think back.
• 51:25
  Matt: If we could circle back.
• 51:26
  Matt: Didn't you say something?
• 51:28
  Matt: What was it again?
• 51:29
  Matt: Well, Matt.
• 51:35
  Matt: Uh a.lexali says, does butter belong in the fridge or on the counter?
• 51:39
  Eric: Fucking counter, baby.
• 51:40
  Eric: I need my butter soft.
• 51:42
  Matt: What are you talking about?
• 51:43
  Matt: I need I'm gonna get you a butterbell.
• 51:44
  Eric: I'm gonna get you a big drive.
• 51:45
  Eric: Get you a butterbell.
• 51:46
  Matt: No.
• 51:47
  Eric: Because if I get you a butterbell, I know you're honor bound to use it.
• 51:50
  Eric: You will use it at least once.
• 51:57
  Matt: Uh yes.
• 51:58
  Matt: And in uh honor bound I am indeed to use such a thing.
• 52:03
  Matt: Have you used it?
• 52:05
  Matt: I have.
• 52:06
  Eric: Now, Eric, I uh let me pad this.
• 52:09
  Eric: Matt, step into we are we are but men in our silken robes.
• 52:15
  Eric: Yes.
• 52:16
  Eric: There will be no judgment here.
• 52:19
  Eric: I will not be hurt.
• 52:21
  Eric: I will not be I will not be.
• 52:25
  Eric: Please be open.
• 52:27
  Eric: Open your heart about the money.
• 52:30
  Matt: I did open my heart, Eric.
• 52:31
  Matt: I I tried it as I was honor bound to do.
• 52:35
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 52:37
  Matt: I just don't trust it.
• 52:39
  Matt: I think is what I get to listen to.
• 52:42
  Matt: Sealed with water.
• 52:43
  Matt: Sealed with water.
• 52:44
  Matt: And and I was I was impressed because I my first impression was that this butter was gonna get wet.
• 52:51
  Eric: Nah, girl.
• 52:52
  Matt: But no, it I I see the air tightness formed around it because I it was very dry.
• 52:58
  Matt: If you're looking, if you're somebody, here's what I'll say.
• 53:01
  Matt: Here's what I'll say.
• 53:02
  Eric: Okay, okay.
• 53:03
  Matt: If you are somebody who is on the daily, I'm gonna say on the daily.
• 53:08
  Eric: Smashing on butter.
• 53:09
  Matt: Spreading butter on some sort of carb, it's a great option.
• 53:14
  Matt: I'll say it, it's a great option.
• 53:16
  Matt: But, but if you're a blue moon kind of guy.
• 53:20
  Matt: Well, no, if you are, it is useless for any kind of measurement of butter.
• 53:27
  Matt: You need to have your your baking sticks, your cooking sticks of butter still in the fridge.
• 53:32
  Eric: That's very true.
• 53:33
  Matt: Gotta have pats of butter.
• 53:35
  Matt: So my question is the thing, why why is it so hard to just then take out the butter?
• 53:42
  Matt: Because you have options.
• 53:43
  Matt: You either just take it out a little early so it's nice and soft, or you stick it in the microwave for like 15 seconds and it's fine.
• 53:50
  Matt: Because instead, what I found, what you neglected to tell our listeners about last time, I'm pointing at you, Eric Pose, what you didn't tell them is that you have maintenance.
• 54:00
  Matt: First of all, the butter in the butterbell, it says, is only good for two to three weeks.
• 54:05
  Matt: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 54:06
  Matt: Is almost a month not good enough for you, Matt?
• 54:10
  Matt: I'm just saying, and you also have to replace the water every three fucking days.
• 54:15
  Matt: Well, who's got the time for that?
• 54:17
  Eric: They gotta say that.
• 54:19
  Eric: Oh they gotta say that, Matt.
• 54:22
  Matt: So you're out here telling me that you're just reusing this butter that hasn't had its water changed in what?
• 54:28
  Matt: We've got these aren't pajamas.
• 54:31
  Eric: They gotta say that, Matt.
• 54:33
  Matt: They gotta say that.
• 54:34
  Matt: You are still licking away at your Tootsie Pop.
• 54:37
  Eric: They gotta say it.
• 54:38
  Eric: They gotta say lots of things.
• 54:39
  Eric: Replace the butter water every three days.
• 54:43
  Eric: Fugging.
• 54:44
  Eric: Don't you shake your Tootsie Pop at me?
• 54:47
  Eric: Don't you be shaking that pop at me.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_08: God damn.
• 54:52
  Eric: God damn.
• 54:53
  Eric: These insane people tell you not to swallow gum.
• 54:56
  Eric: It'll stay in your stomach for seven years and kiss my ass.
• 55:00
  Matt: What I'll tell you, good people of the world, it's fine.
• 55:05
  unknown: Fine.
• 55:06
  Matt: It's fine if you're using it for a daily spreadable butter.
• 55:10
  Matt: If you got a morning muffin, fine.
• 55:12
  Matt: Or you're having toast or something every day, then yeah, by all means, get in there with the butterbell.
• 55:17
  Matt: It's it's convenient.
• 55:18
  Matt: But if you aren't using butter every day, why would you have it out on your counter?
• 55:24
  Matt: Put it away safely in the fridge.
• 55:28
  Matt: Fine.
• 55:29
  Matt: Is that you saying fine, or is that you mocking me?
• 55:32
  Eric: Fine.
• 55:33
  Matt: I I need to know which it is, Eric.
• 55:36
  Matt: Fine.
• 55:38
  Matt: Eric, is it fine?
• 55:40
  Matt: Are you mocking my fire, buddy?
• 55:43
  Matt: Or are you saying that my option is also fine and we're reaching a compromise?
• 55:48
  Eric: Matt, what I'm saying is Don't you fucking do it.
• 55:52
  Eric: Fine.
• 55:53
  Eric: You son of a bitch.
• 55:55
  Eric: You good, baby.
• 55:56
  Eric: You know I love it.
• 55:56
  Eric: No, that's fair.
• 55:57
  Eric: That's what I s I know.
• 55:59
  Eric: I thought that'd be about where you landed.
• 56:01
  Eric: You could see it for what it is.
• 56:04
  Matt: I think it's a very good option if you're using butter every day.
• 56:08
  Matt: If not, I say put those sticks in the fridge.
• 56:11
  Eric: You know, in the South, it's a delicacy to do butter water shots.
• 56:15
  Matt: Is that true?
• 56:17
  Eric: Not even a little bit, but wouldn't it be cool if it were?
• 56:22
  Matt: Well, I I that's my opinions on the butterbell.
• 56:27
  Matt: Uh and and thank you, Eric, for for uh the butterbell gift.
• 56:32
  Matt: It is very pretty.
• 56:34
  Matt: I do say I feel a little bit more like a like a um like a country uh uh farmer.
• 56:42
  Eric: It does feel very rustic.
• 56:44
  Matt: I do feel as though that I am living in in like a colonial era now that I've got this butterbell.
• 56:53
  Matt: But all that to say, I still mostly will keep it in there because I'm not using butter every day, so I'll mostly keep it in the fridge.
• 57:01
  Matt: That's fine.
• 57:02
  unknown: Bye.
• 57:03
  Matt: Fine.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_05: You know what?
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, uh, to each it up.
• 57:06
  Matt: Uh well, and again, thank you, Eric, for the butterbell.
• 57:11
  Matt: And thank you, listeners, for spending some time with us today.
• 57:14
  Matt: Yeah, girl.
• 57:15
  Matt: Uh of course, listener, we do still need your questions.
• 57:19
  Matt: We want to answer them.
• 57:21
  Matt: Uh, it looked like you're gonna say something, Eric.
• 57:23
  Eric: No, no, sorry.
• 57:24
  Eric: I was just gesticulating with my lollipops.
• 57:26
  Matt: You were just just throwing the tootsie.
• 57:28
  Eric: That needs to be a colloquial phrase.
• 57:31
  Eric: Throwing the tootsie.
• 57:32
  Eric: Oh, man.
• 57:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 57:32
  Eric: Don't come in here throwing the tootsie at me, kid.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_06: Ah, he has come into my laugh throwing tootsie.
• 57:41
  Matt: Oh no, he made it gross.
• 57:44
  Matt: He made it weird.
• 57:46
  Matt: Uh well, what are other as oh well we I haven't seen somebody come in here throwing Tootsie like that in 20 years.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_08: Mommy a sugar, throw some Tootsie.
• 58:00
  Matt: So we do need your questions.
• 58:03
  Matt: Uh you can let them uh you can let them fly on the internet on Instagram and Twitter.
• 58:09
  Matt: Our handle is you didn't ask pod.
• 58:12
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 58:14
  Matt: And you can email us at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com, all spelled out like a normal English sentence except for the apostrophe you didn't ask for this at gmail.com.
• 58:22
  Matt: You all know how email addresses work.
• 58:25
  Matt: Uh they can be about anything, these questions.
• 58:27
  Matt: Anything.
• 58:28
  Matt: Anything, cicadas, uh Kool-Aid men, uh, whatever, whatever you want.
• 58:35
  Matt: Throw that spaghetti at the wall.
• 58:37
  Matt: Throw it at the wall.
• 58:38
  Matt: If you and you know what?
• 58:39
  Matt: If you've submitted questions before, keep them coming, keep them coming.
• 58:44
  Matt: But if you've never submitted a question, if you're a new listener and you're you're one of those people who say, like, longtime fan, first-time caller.
• 58:53
  Matt: Well, be a first-time caller.
• 58:54
  Eric: Fucking throw some tootsie our way.
• 58:56
  Matt: Throw that tootsie, throwing tootsie left and right.
• 59:00
  Matt: That's what I want to see on our feeds.
• 59:02
  Matt: No, no, I'm not sure that I do.
• 59:04
  Eric: Don't.
• 59:05
  Eric: We'll we'll we'll workshop it.
• 59:07
  Matt: We'll workshop it.
• 59:08
  Matt: This has been You Didn't Ask for This.
• 59:11
  Matt: I'm Matt Shea.
• 59:12
  Matt: I'm Eric Poach.
• 59:14
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_05: All will become one with the watching brood.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_05: I'll shall bow before the cicade.
• 59:25
  SPEAKER_05: Fuck my children.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_08: Emerge, my children, emerge.