Latest / Becoming Parents Podcast / Single Parent of 4, Income Streams, A Book, And Having Fun with It - Tami Gaines - S7 E88

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Single Parent of 4, Income Streams, A Book, And Having Fun with It - Tami Gaines - S7 E88 · Becoming Parents Podcast

• 0:00
  Welcome to Becoming Parents podcast.
• 0:02
  I'm your host Jennifer Campbell, mom of 18 and executive director
• 0:05
  of the Doula Co-op of Nevada. With more than 15 years in birth
• 0:08
  work, I've had the privilege of walking beside families through
• 0:11
  life's transitions. My work centers on connection,
• 0:14
  community, and amplifying voices that too often go unheard.
• 0:18
  Each of these episodes is an honest conversation about the
• 0:20
  messy, beautiful, and transformative experiences that
• 0:23
  shape us as parents and as people.
• 0:25
  I'd like to extend a heartfelt thank you to the incredible
• 0:28
  guests who show up with and authenticity to share their
• 0:31
  stories with us. Let's dive right in.
• 0:34
  Welcome to becoming parents podcast.
• 0:36
  Today I have Tammy Gaines. How are you doing today?
• 0:39
  I am awesome. Me too.
• 0:42
  I want you to jump in and share your parenting journey.
• 0:44
  I think there's a lot we're going to want to cover today.
• 0:47
  Yeah, my parenting journey is, it's a lot like it's that whole
• 0:53
  thing of we know exactly how parenting is going to go.
• 0:56
  That all went right out the window immediately.
• 0:59
  So I'll just rewind very quickly.
• 1:02
  I was a hard driving corporate woman.
• 1:05
  I went to Columbia and got my MBA and wanted to got into a
• 1:09
  very competitive management training program at Colgate
• 1:13
  Palmolive. So my whole vision was like
• 1:16
  getting to the coroner office. That was all I was about.
• 1:21
  So my last corporate job, I was head of US marketing for a newly
• 1:26
  public company, and they hired me to be a change agent.
• 1:30
  So I was the only woman that was not a secretary.
• 1:35
  I was the only one that was on the board of directors.
• 1:40
  And during one of those meetings, they said, hey, can
• 1:42
  you wear shorter skirts so we have something to look at while
• 1:45
  you're giving your presentations?
• 1:47
  So I was the only black person that did not work in the plant.
• 1:51
  And I got called the N word more times in my first month of work
• 1:55
  there than ever. So anyway, on one of these
• 2:01
  trips, I know there's a lot to unpack, but on one of my trips
• 2:04
  back to New York, I was in Virginia.
• 2:06
  My boss said to me, hey, by the way, no pregnancies for three
• 2:09
  years. We have a lot of work to do.
• 2:13
  I was like, great, because guess what?
• 2:15
  I was pregnant and I hadn't told them yet.
• 2:19
  So when I finally told them, they started to create a paper
• 2:23
  trail to have me fired. Now, I was the president of one
• 2:26
  of their subsidiary companies. I was the head of US marketing.
• 2:30
  I had 14 people working for me. I just negotiated the first ever
• 2:35
  licensing deal with Revlon, and these guys are creating a paper
• 2:39
  trail to have just basically saying I was completely inept.
• 2:43
  So I called my dad. He was a lawyer and I told him
• 2:48
  like, what was going on? And he was like, what do you
• 2:53
  want to do? I was like, what do you mean?
• 2:55
  He's like, well, you're calling to complain or do you want to
• 2:58
  take action or are you going to leave?
• 3:00
  Like what's your plan? I had no plan.
• 3:03
  So I ended up driving to Jersey to hang out with my parents for
• 3:06
  the weekend. And I talked to my dad and he
• 3:09
  was like, when you wake up in the morning, what would make you
• 3:12
  happy? And I said that those guys pay
• 3:15
  for being sexist, racist, misogynist, like all of that.
• 3:21
  So I ended up suing them. And in between all that, I had
• 3:26
  my daughter. So let me just like sidebar, I
• 3:29
  was playing golf with my then husband.
• 3:31
  My warder broke on the 9th hole. We got lost going back to the
• 3:35
  clubhouse and I ended up being in labor for 36 hours.
• 3:42
  Everything just stopped. The midwife was awesome and I
• 3:45
  just finally was like, I don't know how the anatomy works, but
• 3:48
  can you just reach in there and pull her out?
• 3:51
  Like I didn't want to have AC section.
• 3:53
  I was just like, open it, open it up wide and pull her out,
• 3:57
  which is what she did. And that hurt like hell.
• 4:02
  But anyway, like so now my daughter is here and I'm so
• 4:05
  excited and I'm in the middle of this massive lawsuit with this
• 4:08
  publicly traded company. So I started bringing my
• 4:11
  daughter with me to work and because I had no other choice,
• 4:16
  she was a baby baby. So anyway they took my office
• 4:20
  away and they gave me a desk right by the receptionist 1
• 4:25
  computer and my phone. So I just started nursing my
• 4:29
  daughter at my desk and that's when I started my consulting
• 4:32
  company on their dime. I started putting together my
• 4:36
  business plan and all this, and then they finally said like,
• 4:39
  well, you can't bring your daughter to work.
• 4:41
  I was like, are you releasing me then?
• 4:44
  So anyway, Long story short, I sued.
• 4:46
  I won. But it was in that moment that I
• 4:49
  realized the kind of mom I want it to be because I was traveling
• 4:53
  like five days a week. I was working 16 hour days for
• 4:58
  somebody else. And I the minute I looked at my
• 5:01
  daughter, I was like, oh, I'm done with all this.
• 5:04
  So yeah, why they were in the middle of trying to have me
• 5:08
  fired. I started my consulting company.
• 5:11
  I landed my first couple of clients.
• 5:14
  Highly recommended. By the way, if you're going to
• 5:16
  start your own business, do it while you're.
• 5:17
  Working, yeah. So anyway, I won and part of my
• 5:23
  settlement was for them to move me back to Jersey and I never
• 5:27
  look back. I just have always had my own
• 5:29
  business. I always tell women, you know,
• 5:32
  I'm divorced. You have to have your financial
• 5:36
  house in order or else nothing else works.
• 5:39
  Like everything else just becomes like super hard.
• 5:43
  OK, so that was my daughter. My son was born accidentally at
• 5:49
  home. I was watching the US Open.
• 5:52
  It was Venus Williams first open and I refused to leave the TV.
• 5:58
  And suddenly I was like, ow, ow, And my parents were there and I
• 6:03
  was like, I think I'm having contractions.
• 6:04
  My dad had his jacket on and out the front door before I could
• 6:07
  say another word. Like, whatever's happening, I
• 6:10
  don't want to be part of it. Maybe.
• 6:12
  So what? Yeah, so he was.
• 6:15
  My son was born in my dirty bathroom at home.
• 6:18
  We have the 911 call 'cause my ex freaked out and left and I
• 6:23
  was there by myself. And then sometime later I became
• 6:29
  unexpectedly pregnant with twins and I couldn't think of a good
• 6:36
  reason not to have them. We were all grown up, we had
• 6:38
  money, we had a giant house. I always wanted a bunch of kids.
• 6:43
  So when I told him, he gave me an ultimatum.
• 6:47
  He said I could have him or I could have the twins, but I
• 6:49
  couldn't have both. So I said I'll take the twins.
• 6:52
  I don't even like you that much. So started a nasty divorce.
• 6:58
  I ended up on bed rest in the hospital for five weeks trying
• 7:01
  to stay pregnant. And then they were born
• 7:04
  extremely premature, 25 weeks, 1 LB twelve oz each.
• 7:09
  My daughter spent four months in the NICU.
• 7:11
  My son spent 18 months in the hospital.
• 7:15
  He still has very significant special needs.
• 7:19
  My daughter's a rock star. She's actually right now in
• 7:21
  Costa Rica on a science research trip for spring break.
• 7:26
  So yeah, you, you just never know.
• 7:29
  You never know what parenting is going to give you.
• 7:31
  But I'm so grateful for all the different experiences because it
• 7:34
  really is shaped who I am and in informed how I show up in the
• 7:37
  world. How old are the kids?
• 7:39
  Cuz the twins are 25 weeks. My oldest daughter's almost 34
• 7:45
  and she was also a NICU like they.
• 7:47
  Oh, OK. So how long ago was that?
• 7:51
  They're gonna be 20 on Saturday. OK.
• 7:54
  So I my oldest kid, my daughter's 27 and my son is 25,
• 7:59
  and then the twins are gonna be 20.
• 8:01
  Awesome, I'm also from Rhode Island originally so your accent
• 8:04
  is just so fun for me. I don't have an accent.
• 8:09
  I think you have a filter, Whatever you're talking about.
• 8:12
  I don't know. Yeah.
• 8:14
  No, I want to. Scroll in Boston.
• 8:16
  I my my accent's pretty much gone, but if I hear people
• 8:21
  talking, it's harder. And every once in a while
• 8:24
  something or if I like I've have, I've had a drink, you
• 8:27
  know, they're uncle. If I get angry, like there are
• 8:30
  times that the accent definitely comes forward.
• 8:33
  But the other day I was walking in through the house and I
• 8:36
  answered my husband and I said something and I looked up and I
• 8:39
  went. Did Rhode Island just bust out
• 8:42
  into this hat like it was Anyway, yeah, I don't have an
• 8:45
  accent either. That's incredible.
• 8:48
  But the twins were 25 weeks 20 years ago and both survived.
• 8:53
  I mean, when you think I, I don't think that this is a gross
• 8:56
  analogy because we use ground beef all the time.
• 8:59
  But when I was in the NICU, there was a baby that was a
• 9:01
  pound and a half. And you said a pound 12, right?
• 9:04
  That's less than 2 lbs of hamburger meat.
• 9:07
  You try to take one pound, 12 ounces and shape it into a baby
• 9:12
  like it doesn't even make sense. Try to do that.
• 9:17
  And that's I'm not trying to be. Gross.
• 9:18
  I told somebody. Because like if you go to the
• 9:20
  deli and you order a pound and a half of Turkey, they were
• 9:24
  smaller than what you get at the deli.
• 9:27
  That's the thing that's like mind boggling to yeah, to
• 9:30
  realize. So they're 20 now.
• 9:32
  What were the what were your son's health issues and was it
• 9:36
  due to the prematurity? Yeah, so by the way, they both
• 9:41
  had a very poor prognosis. So they gave me no information.
• 9:45
  They basically said if they live to the end of next week, then
• 9:48
  we'll start talking about, you know, what we're going to do,
• 9:51
  right. So they both had health
• 9:56
  challenges when when my daughter came home, she was on oxygen,
• 10:01
  she was on an apnea monitor. She was on a whole bunch of
• 10:04
  meds, which I very quickly got her off of, but she had special
• 10:09
  needs for her first three years of life.
• 10:12
  So I had therapists coming into the house.
• 10:13
  We had nurses coming into the house.
• 10:16
  Trey didn't come home until, you know, 14 months later.
• 10:22
  They told me he was not going to make it.
• 10:25
  So I said, if he's not going to make it, he's not going to make
• 10:28
  it at home because he was 14 months old at this point.
• 10:32
  And every just all sorts of surgeries, heart surgery, hernia
• 10:37
  surgery, like everything was just wrong because he wasn't
• 10:41
  done cooking. He just wasn't done cooking.
• 10:44
  So the plan was to get them to a rehab.
• 10:48
  He was on a ventilator, he had a trach.
• 10:50
  He was oxygen dependent, eating through AG tube in his stomach,
• 10:55
  lots of meds. He spent a lot of time
• 10:59
  restrained because he was always pulling out his trach.
• 11:02
  So anyway, I was like, well, I just want to get him home.
• 11:05
  I want him not to make it at home with his siblings and me.
• 11:09
  So got him to the rehab. We got the ventilator settings
• 11:12
  down low enough where I can bring him home and have a nurse
• 11:15
  help me manage him at home. I got to tell you, Jennifer,
• 11:19
  within three days of him being home, he was like a whole
• 11:23
  different kid. It was like the laughter and I
• 11:27
  had a dog and like, my house was chaotic and it was happy chaos.
• 11:33
  And all of a sudden he went from like 1 foot in the grave to
• 11:36
  like, Oh my God, this kid is going to make it.
• 11:39
  So he's my warrior and he's my inspiration.
• 11:43
  And both of them whenever, you know, listen, let me tell you,
• 11:46
  all my kids are inspiring in their own ways.
• 11:50
  But yeah, so he still eats 3G tube.
• 11:53
  He's still oxygen dependent. He has massive behavior
• 11:58
  problems. We spent a lot of time in and
• 12:02
  out of psych units, but they don't have pediatric psych
• 12:05
  units. And don't get me started on
• 12:07
  that. That's a whole other thing.
• 12:09
  So, yeah, he's at a a residential treatment facility
• 12:12
  just outside of Philly. And in a year, I need to make a
• 12:17
  plan. He turns, you know, 21.
• 12:19
  They're out of the system. Yeah.
• 12:21
  So I'm trying to figure out what's next.
• 12:24
  Which is hard. I mean, my son who had autism
• 12:28
  was in independent living. Because you want them to have
• 12:31
  like I, I don't want a 40 year old autistic man on my couch any
• 12:35
  more than he wants that. You know, he's verbal, he can
• 12:39
  work, he can go to school and take classes.
• 12:42
  Does he do great? No, but he's able.
• 12:44
  So like, how do you give them as much autonomy as possible and
• 12:49
  still feel like safe and secure? And there's a, there's a lot to
• 12:53
  balance. And he took over his own care,
• 12:55
  which is great. Yeah, my son's not capable of
• 12:58
  that. You know, he can't read past
• 13:00
  like second grade. He can't do math.
• 13:03
  Like he can do math, but he doesn't understand money or
• 13:06
  time. Like that was my whole goal for
• 13:08
  the last couple years. Like if we could teach him money
• 13:11
  and time, then he can maybe get a job somewhere.
• 13:15
  So the truth is he doesn't know either because he eats through
• 13:19
  AG tube. Somebody has to, like, feed him.
• 13:21
  Yeah. So I'm with you.
• 13:23
  I want to figure out how to get him as autonomous as possible.
• 13:28
  But I'm also sort of down on putting a 21 year old in a group
• 13:31
  home with a bunch of 45 year olds like I have.
• 13:34
  There's a limit to what I'm willing to.
• 13:36
  I I know it's so hard now your husband, you're pregnant with
• 13:42
  twins and he's like pick me or them which that I like.
• 13:46
  Let's not even talk about that reaction.
• 13:49
  When I read that I was like, oh really?
• 13:51
  I'll go talk to him. You want me to go talk to him?
• 13:53
  I'll go to bat for you, Tammy. All sorts of women lined up to
• 13:58
  be like what? I'm sure 'cause this is like 20
• 14:02
  plus years ago. By the way, he by the way, real
• 14:06
  quick, Jennifer, he told me to take some time and think about
• 14:08
  it and he started to walk away. I was like, I don't need any
• 14:12
  time. Turn around and come right on
• 14:15
  back. We are.
• 14:16
  We're going to handle. This right now, yeah.
• 14:20
  No time needed for that one. He was.
• 14:23
  He was already obviously involved in the first two kids.
• 14:25
  He was you were married for them.
• 14:27
  Was he involved with the younger 2?
• 14:29
  Was he involved with any of them?
• 14:31
  How did that go for the rest of you were a single mom raising
• 14:34
  them? I was a single mom most of my
• 14:38
  married life, Yeah. And I look back on it like I did
• 14:41
  vacations by myself with the kids and I was the one showing
• 14:44
  up to their stuff at school and I was the PTA president.
• 14:49
  So he was very hands on with the two older kids.
• 14:55
  Although he did he went on the Lam after we got divorced.
• 14:58
  They wouldn't have to pay child support or alimony.
• 15:00
  So nobody saw him for like 6 months and he did not engage.
• 15:08
  I'm going to be careful about how I say this.
• 15:12
  He didn't really engage with the twins until they were probably
• 15:15
  like 4 years old. Like he couldn't handle the
• 15:20
  NICU. Every time he ended up getting
• 15:22
  kicked out. Like security said when she's
• 15:24
  here, he can't come visit because he would just come
• 15:26
  scream at me in the middle of an open NICU.
• 15:29
  He was so mad. Now that I look back on it, I'd
• 15:34
  probably have like, more empathy.
• 15:35
  But in the moment, I was like, get out.
• 15:38
  He was like, is this what you wanted?
• 15:41
  Pointing to the twins? I said, yeah, this is exactly
• 15:44
  what I wanted. So yeah, it was just, it was,
• 15:49
  listen, men are different than women.
• 15:52
  I put a chapter in my, I updated my book and I put a chapter in
• 15:55
  there specifically for men because I think men have a
• 15:59
  harder path in the NICU. They're not as connected.
• 16:03
  They're not breastfeeding. They're not, you know what I
• 16:05
  mean? They're not doing kangaroo care
• 16:07
  for the most part. Which is a shame.
• 16:09
  But yeah, I mean, I, I get that also.
• 16:12
  They're working. I mean, I know when I delivered
• 16:14
  my first baby, my ex-husband wasn't there.
• 16:16
  He was military and he wasn't there and I was alone.
• 16:19
  And then when he showed up thinking, you know, we, we want
• 16:23
  to try to get him here before his daughter dies so he can see
• 16:26
  her when she's alive. And she pulled through.
• 16:29
  She's 34 now. But yeah, the reactions, the
• 16:32
  connection, the like, none of it was none of it is the same.
• 16:36
  And I don't think we can expect it to.
• 16:38
  And, you know, how do we bridge some of that gap?
• 16:41
  And that's, those are other separate conversations.
• 16:44
  So you had started your business with your first daughter born
• 16:48
  now time's gone on the twins, probably.
• 16:52
  It's time consuming babies and NICU and health needs and I'm
• 16:57
  not, I don't, I'm not yeah, I'm not saying it's not worth it.
• 17:00
  I'm saying is very time consuming.
• 17:02
  And so you're navigating for kids to with higher needs for a
• 17:06
  long period of time, extended period of time.
• 17:11
  Tell me, take me through your businesses.
• 17:13
  You mentioned a book. I'm excited to talk about Boom
• 17:16
  boom butter. You know, you're kind of like
• 17:21
  there are things a little all over the place.
• 17:22
  So tell us, take us through your business, the business side of
• 17:26
  parenting. Sure.
• 17:28
  By the way, there there's a through line.
• 17:31
  So my through line has always been economic equality,
• 17:35
  especially when my ex stopped paying child support, stopped
• 17:38
  paying alimony and I was left holding the bag with four kids
• 17:41
  and a big house and a lot of expenses.
• 17:44
  So I have a consulting company, which is great.
• 17:48
  I, that's what I started when my daughter was born.
• 17:51
  But the truth is when you're doing consulting, you're only as
• 17:54
  good as your next client, right? You're always hustling for your
• 17:57
  next paycheck, basically your next, your next fee.
• 18:01
  So when I ended up in bed rest on the hospital, I called my
• 18:05
  competitor who I knew really well and I gave her all my
• 18:08
  clients. I was like, I can't, I like
• 18:11
  there was no way I could do that from the bed, which ends up
• 18:15
  being 5 or 6 weeks in the hospital.
• 18:17
  Then I was navigating the twins, so I got rid of my consulting
• 18:20
  company. But because my income was like
• 18:25
  this, because it's consulting, I started another business at that
• 18:29
  time in which was in health and nutrition, which threw off
• 18:33
  residual income. So while I was in the hospital,
• 18:36
  I built that business. I built it in minutes, making
• 18:39
  phone calls while I was driving, 45 minutes to and from the
• 18:43
  hospital. When I went to go take lunch, I
• 18:46
  would read, I would make more phone calls.
• 18:48
  So that business was throwing off 5 grand a month.
• 18:51
  Why? I was in the hospital whether I
• 18:53
  worked or not. So I am a huge fan of businesses
• 18:58
  that throw off residual income. So I'm working on one right now.
• 19:03
  There's this Scandinavian company bringing at home blood
• 19:07
  testing to the US. No one's ever heard of it.
• 19:11
  They're brand new. I have.
• 19:12
  But when you're in the fitness industry and you're talking
• 19:15
  about like health and Wellness and fitness and peptides and
• 19:18
  like all the stuff that we can't do here that they do normally in
• 19:21
  other countries. So I would be really excited
• 19:25
  about this. Yeah, so it's super cool.
• 19:28
  Like I'll, I, I'll give you my website.
• 19:31
  But the way boom boom butter came is that when I was on bed
• 19:34
  rest, they gave me magnesium every day to stop the
• 19:37
  contractions. And I was like, what's the deal
• 19:40
  with magnesium? So I had nothing better to do.
• 19:43
  I started researching magnesium and I realized like magnesium is
• 19:46
  the mineral that nobody knows about.
• 19:49
  Most people are deficient and it's critical for 600 body
• 19:52
  functions. So I decided instead of just
• 19:55
  slapping magnesium on the side of a bottle that I would hide it
• 19:59
  in the benefits. So I actually had an entire
• 20:02
  line. I had stress relief products,
• 20:04
  sports Relief. But where I landed, what was the
• 20:08
  most fun was boom boom butter. So when men are magnesium
• 20:13
  deficient, everything below the waist basically doesn't work
• 20:16
  right? So all these guys that are on
• 20:19
  Viagra and Cialis, it is literally traced back to
• 20:23
  magnesium deficiency. So I created the world's only
• 20:27
  and 1st magnesium based sexual lubricant.
• 20:32
  It's good for women also, but basically you rub it on like
• 20:36
  whether you're having sex or you're masturbating, you use
• 20:40
  this instead of whatever you normally use.
• 20:42
  You get your recommended dose of magnesium and it's has five of
• 20:46
  the most important herbs for men's reproductive health.
• 20:50
  So it's great. It's great for your libido.
• 20:52
  It's great for your stamina. It helps support your prostate.
• 20:57
  My dad had prostate cancer. My daughter got prostate cancer,
• 21:02
  so this is really a great preventative treatment to help
• 21:06
  stave off prostate cancer. It just has a ton of benefits
• 21:10
  and it's all in a Louvre. So what a guy.
• 21:13
  I have three brothers, I have two sons, I have uncles.
• 21:16
  And you know what do they do? They have sex and they
• 21:18
  masturbate. What better?
• 21:21
  What better products? Both.
• 21:23
  Are happening, sometimes simultaneously.
• 21:25
  You never know. Yeah, that was like, I was like,
• 21:33
  this is an offshoot, but it really isn't an offshoot.
• 21:36
  It was that was kind of what I was trying to figure out because
• 21:39
  I was looking at all your information like there's always
• 21:42
  connections, things are always connected.
• 21:44
  I was like, I don't know how this is connected, but that
• 21:47
  makes sense. When you were on bed rest, it
• 21:49
  couldn't do anything and stop. I mean like.
• 21:52
  Holy cow, I got to tell you. So I'm building boom, boom.
• 21:56
  I'm in the middle of like raising money and building the
• 21:59
  business. But I also think that's going to
• 22:00
  be the outlet for my son. He can come work for me like in
• 22:04
  my manufacturing company, so I don't have to rely on somebody
• 22:08
  else to make sure he's OK and that he's not getting ripped off
• 22:12
  getting paid. So that's my end game.
• 22:14
  They're like. Wow.
• 22:16
  Blow it up in the next year and then I will be the I will hire
• 22:19
  my son and then I'll have a good livelihood and then keep my
• 22:23
  animal. It's all connected, sister.
• 22:27
  It's all connected. Yeah, I know it's all connected.
• 22:29
  Well, I mean, a lot of what everything that you have done
• 22:32
  since your first daughter was born was geared towards your
• 22:35
  kids. And part of that as a single
• 22:37
  mom, because I've been a single mom is income related.
• 22:41
  Like you have to financially provide to live in a house and
• 22:44
  eat food and all those things. And I think that's one of the
• 22:46
  most stressful parts of parenting is how much time
• 22:50
  you're putting out working and how little income or how much
• 22:53
  income is coming in. And you know, when I was first
• 22:56
  single, I had four jobs at one point.
• 22:59
  Oh, me too. I'm always on the hustle.
• 23:01
  You do what you got to do, right?
• 23:03
  As a mom, you do what you got to do.
• 23:05
  But if I could shout it from the rooftops to single moms, yeah,
• 23:10
  you have got to develop another stream of income that pays you
• 23:14
  whether you're working or not. That's why I could sit in the
• 23:17
  hospital for years because I had another.
• 23:20
  I wasn't. I didn't have a boss calling me.
• 23:23
  I didn't have a laptop that I had to go jump into a meeting.
• 23:26
  I literally just sat there. I wrote my book.
• 23:30
  I took care of my kids. You know, I was, I had two at
• 23:33
  home and two in the hospital. But I can't.
• 23:37
  I learned the hard way that financial instability adds so
• 23:44
  much stress to what is an already stressful situation.
• 23:48
  So that's why I was always, you could ask my kids.
• 23:51
  I was always if there was an opportunity to make some extra
• 23:53
  money, I was on it. Yeah.
• 23:57
  And I love. That, but you did it in a way
• 23:59
  that supported your lifestyle at a time, 'cause I'm thinking 20
• 24:03
  years ago when like I've been in online businesses and working
• 24:07
  like that for over 10. But like this, I remember when
• 24:12
  COVID happened, people were like, I've never heard of Zoom
• 24:14
  and I'm like, I've been here for 9 years.
• 24:16
  Welcome to the bracket. Like, you know.
• 24:18
  For 25 years like like been working from home.
• 24:22
  Right, you were way before I was.
• 24:25
  So I just love how you connected everything back towards what
• 24:30
  would give you the income and the time and the flexibility
• 24:33
  with your kids and your situation.
• 24:35
  It is hard to do and that's really amazing.
• 24:39
  Tell me about the book. Yeah, So why I was in the NICU,
• 24:45
  you know, facing everyday extremely challenging situations
• 24:50
  and decisions that I had to make for the twins.
• 24:53
  And by the way, I was also in court getting divorced.
• 24:56
  All of this was happening at the same time.
• 24:59
  So Doctor Mims, who was the twins chief neonatologist, said
• 25:06
  to me, I think you should write a book because he would send all
• 25:10
  the parents to go talk. Parents that were flipping out,
• 25:12
  their son needs a colonoscopy bag or their baby is maybe not
• 25:16
  going to make it. They would just say go talk to
• 25:18
  the twins mom, go talk to Bri and Trey's mom.
• 25:22
  So I did, I would like hold court in the breastfeeding room
• 25:25
  and we would just rap about all things wrong.
• 25:28
  All things like it was just a giant bitch session.
• 25:31
  So then Doctor Mims was like, you should write a book and talk
• 25:35
  about like how you navigated this journey.
• 25:37
  So I did, I wrote a book, which is the entire spiritual side of
• 25:41
  the NICU. It's the opportunity for growth
• 25:44
  and forgiving ourselves and living with intention.
• 25:48
  So the name of the book is called Preemie Parents, 26 Ways
• 25:53
  to Grow with Your Premature Baby.
• 25:55
  And it's literally 26 ways ABCD. But sort of the foundation of
• 26:01
  the book is what I lived by accidentally.
• 26:04
  I developed the principles of peace and peace is an acronym.
• 26:09
  So the first P stands for the power of intention is greater
• 26:14
  than any current reality. So whatever you intend, if you
• 26:18
  focus on it, it's going to be bigger and more powerful than
• 26:22
  what you're facing right now. So the power of intention, the E
• 26:27
  is everything is energy. Everything is energy.
• 26:31
  So how you show up in the world, whether you're in the NICU or in
• 26:34
  life, if you show up in the shadows, you're going to live in
• 26:37
  the shadows. You know, I decided pretty
• 26:40
  quickly that I was always going to put on a happy face and not
• 26:43
  be negative when I went to the NICU because I believe that all
• 26:46
  the babies could pick up that negative energy.
• 26:49
  So I was like, checked it all at the door when I walked in.
• 26:52
  I was like positive and optimistic even when it was hard
• 26:55
  to be. So the A means all things will
• 26:59
  move into balance eventually. We don't know when that's not
• 27:04
  for us to tell, but eventually everything is going to move back
• 27:07
  into balance and you sort of have to hold on to that hope.
• 27:12
  See, caring for yourself proceeds caring for anyone else
• 27:18
  again, learn the hard way. I lost a bunch of weight.
• 27:21
  I look like hell. My brother was like, you look
• 27:24
  like a ghoul. And I realized I wasn't eating.
• 27:28
  I was like, I was barely sleeping.
• 27:31
  And I, you know, he was like, if you don't take care of yourself,
• 27:34
  you can't possibly take care of these kids.
• 27:36
  So I started to prioritize my own health.
• 27:41
  And then the last thing is that everything is exactly as the
• 27:45
  universe intended it to be. Like I believe I was chosen.
• 27:49
  I'm a good messenger for all of this.
• 27:51
  You know, crazy stuff that happened.
• 27:53
  Like I'm, I talk about it. My life is my classroom.
• 27:56
  So I do think everything is divinely intended.
• 28:00
  So if you were to you were chosen.
• 28:01
  Jennifer, you're special. You have a NICU baby.
• 28:04
  Yeah, yeah. And it's a lot of work, right?
• 28:09
  And you don't, you don't even know.
• 28:10
  I mean, pregnancy, labor and delivery, postpartum, you don't
• 28:14
  even know what questions to ask. And a lot of us get through it.
• 28:18
  And then we're sort of pissed that no one shared information
• 28:23
  with us because we didn't know the questions to ask.
• 28:26
  And you know, I, I understand that, but that's so great that
• 28:30
  you were navigating it in a way that I love how every,
• 28:34
  everything ties back to your kids.
• 28:35
  I knew that that would be the common denominator, but.
• 28:38
  Everything I do ties back to my kids.
• 28:40
  How extraordinary. What are you doing now with the
• 28:45
  corporate training? Because I think that's the only
• 28:50
  thing. So you stopped your consultancy
• 28:52
  business, but eventually. You I rebooted it, yeah.
• 28:56
  Oh yeah, it was OK. Yeah.
• 28:58
  So I, I just rebooted it. So from a training standpoint,
• 29:03
  people tend to bring me in when their organization is in a state
• 29:07
  of transition. So they're being acquired,
• 29:10
  they're merging, they're laying off people, they're growing
• 29:14
  really rapidly. They bring me in to do capacity
• 29:17
  building. So from a strategic standpoint,
• 29:20
  I put together a strategic plan, the go forward plan, and then I
• 29:24
  train everybody from the C level executives all the way down to
• 29:29
  make sure that everyone's aligned on the new goal.
• 29:32
  Everyone's clear on what their role is and they're accountable.
• 29:37
  So I've done a lot of work in hospitals and healthcare
• 29:39
  facilities, like turning around emergency room departments.
• 29:45
  I've done a lot with patient experience and human experience.
• 29:48
  But yeah, like I said, people tend to hire me when they're
• 29:52
  trying to. Let me show you this.
• 29:55
  My kids gave me this. I'm the chaos coordinator.
• 30:00
  Right. So I'm in that in my personal
• 30:03
  life, and that's when they bring me in, when there's chaos and
• 30:05
  they need it reined in. I love that with all of this and
• 30:10
  four kids and doing it yourself and them being adults now, what
• 30:14
  advice? I'd like to kind of end on what
• 30:19
  you would share with other people because your businesses
• 30:21
  might not be their businesses, but the philosophy is the same
• 30:25
  no matter what. So what would you share with
• 30:28
  other women, single or not, who are struggling with that work
• 30:32
  and parenting balance? And yeah, I would love that.
• 30:40
  Yeah. That's, that's a great question.
• 30:44
  I think I'm going to say this to start with, if what you're doing
• 30:48
  doesn't make you happy, you should find something else to
• 30:50
  do. Because if you have stress, it's
• 30:54
  stressful. Let's just call it what it is.
• 30:55
  It's very stressful raising kids, married, single, whatever,
• 30:59
  it's stressful. Then if you spend your 9 to 5
• 31:02
  going to a job you can't stand, it makes it all it amplifies it
• 31:06
  even more. So the first thing is I would
• 31:08
  say find something that you love to do and pursue that.
• 31:12
  The second thing I would say is to be courageous, to be brave
• 31:18
  and start a side hustle. So I'm actually launching a
• 31:22
  course in a couple of weeks, which is all about finding your
• 31:24
  perfect side hustle. Oh yeah.
• 31:26
  It's it's targeted to women specifically.
• 31:30
  OK. And, and I think the reason I
• 31:33
  said it takes courage is because it's very scary being out on
• 31:36
  your own, not having a safety net.
• 31:39
  You're not working with like a big group of people, like you're
• 31:42
  literally on your own starting something that you've conceived
• 31:46
  of it in your brain and hopefully it's burning in your
• 31:49
  soul. But my biggest, my biggest
• 31:52
  advice is to start something else.
• 31:55
  Like do your job, do what you got to do, pay your bills.
• 31:58
  But instead of coming home and flopping on the couch and
• 32:01
  watching the Bachelor or watching something, something
• 32:03
  nonsensical, put that same amount of time.
• 32:07
  It's four or five hours after you put the kids to bed and
• 32:10
  build your own business, whatever it is.
• 32:14
  And by the way, if you're listeners, I'm on all the
• 32:16
  socials. If anybody wants information or
• 32:19
  advice on what they should start or had to start it, I am
• 32:23
  completely available. I am team women power.
• 32:27
  So whatever, whatever I could do, I'll do.
• 32:30
  I love that. I do workforce development
• 32:32
  grants for doulas in the state of Nevada.
• 32:34
  And I think, yeah, one of the the misconceptions is that
• 32:42
  you're going to go through the course, you're going to go
• 32:44
  through the training and then, you know, if you build it, they
• 32:47
  will come. And, and women who are not
• 32:52
  working and deciding not to work and trying to launch this, it's
• 32:56
  really challenging. And so we encourage people like
• 32:59
  keep your part time job, this, this can replace that or your
• 33:03
  full time job. But that's not going to happen
• 33:06
  today. Building a business can take
• 33:10
  time and we offer all the support for that.
• 33:13
  But started as a side hustle with side hustle mentality.
• 33:18
  The only caveat to that, I think I would add is that it's not a
• 33:22
  hobby, it's a business. And when you're doing a side
• 33:25
  hustle, this is what you want to be full time in the future.
• 33:28
  And it can be, but not if you're treating it like a hobby and not
• 33:32
  if you put yourself in such a stressful situation where you
• 33:35
  have no income. So yeah, I see that a lot.
• 33:40
  Yeah, there's there's two things there.
• 33:42
  One is I don't even use the word side hustle.
• 33:44
  I'm using it here because that's what everybody knows.
• 33:46
  But if you treat it like a business, it will pay you like a
• 33:49
  business, right? So that is like part of that
• 33:52
  course is like, here's how you actually set up a business.
• 33:55
  Side hustle is like Uber Eats, right?
• 33:59
  A real business is like you build it for me.
• 34:03
  I'm always about the legacy. So I'm building 2 businesses
• 34:06
  right now that I could leave to my kids to do with what they
• 34:10
  want. Leave it to their kids.
• 34:13
  So yeah, the first thing that you said, it's all about the
• 34:15
  mindset. It's a real business.
• 34:17
  And the second thing is don't be stupid if you if you had.
• 34:22
  It it wasn't me. If you have a job that's paying
• 34:26
  your bills, do not quit because you think this is going to pay
• 34:30
  you overnight. Listen, at one point I had four
• 34:35
  freelance jobs. I was making a boatload of
• 34:38
  money. I was not sleeping.
• 34:40
  But I took all that money and paid down most of my debt.
• 34:43
  I had 4 gigs for two years and I refused to quit any of them.
• 34:49
  So while I was building my business.
• 34:51
  So yeah, don't make dumb decisions in pursuit of your
• 34:55
  dream. Keep your keep your job, and
• 34:58
  your dream will. You'll build it, you'll invest
• 35:00
  in it, and before you know it, it'll just like sprout flowers.
• 35:04
  Yeah, I agree. Thank you, Tammy.
• 35:06
  Thank you so much. We could go in a million
• 35:07
  directions, I know. Yes, thank you so much for being
• 35:11
  on and sharing. You are awesome, thank you so
• 35:14
  much.