Latest / Martin Animations / Our silly game saved my daughter_s life

Transcript

Our silly game saved my daughter_s life · Martin Animations

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Our silly game saved my daughter's life. When my daughter
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Iris was seven, she became obsessed with this idea that
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: we needed a secret way to communicate in emergencies. She'd
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: just learned about World War II codebreakers in school and
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: was convinced that every family needed their own private language.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I thought it was adorable, so I played along. We
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: spent an entire weekend creating what she called the Sunshine
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: System because she wanted it to sound happy and innocent.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Red balloons meant danger or I'm not safe. Visiting Aunt
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Clara meant call the police, even though we didn't have
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: an Aunt Clara. Piano lessons meant someone is hurting me,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: which was darkly specific for a seven-year-old. Making lemonade meant
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I'm scared but can't talk freely. The beach house meant
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I'm being taken somewhere against my will, referencing our family
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: vacation spot in Mendocino. We practiced it like a game
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: for months, slipping coded phrases into normal conversations at dinner
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: or during car rides. If I said I was thinking
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: about red balloons, Iris would immediately respond with the safety phrase,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: which was dad bought flowers, meaning everything is actually fine.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: If she didn't respond with that phrase, I was supposed
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: to take her seriously. By the time Iris turned 10,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: we'd mostly forgotten about the sunshine system. Life got busy
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: with her soccer schedule and my work deadlines and her
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: friend drama. The code became something we joked about occasionally, like,
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: remember when you made me learn all those weird phrases?
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: But I'd noticed she still used some of them without thinking,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: the way you might still knock on wood or avoid
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: cracks in sidewalks from childhood superstitions. She'd mention red balloons
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: when she was anxious about a test, or say she
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: needed piano lessons when she was overwhelmed. It had become
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: part of her emotional vocabulary, without either of us really noticing.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: When Iris turned 14, she started dating a boy named
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Cody from her freshman class. He seemed fine at first,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: polite when he came to pick her up, decent grades,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: played JV basketball. My ex-wife liked him because he was
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: on the student council. I had a weird feeling about
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: him that I couldn't explain. Something about how he'd steer
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Iris away from her friends when they hung out in groups.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: but I chalked it up to being an overprotective dad.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Three months into their relationship, Iris's texts started changing. She'd
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: always been a frequent texter, sending me memes and random
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: thoughts throughout the day. But suddenly her messages got shorter
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: and less frequent. When I'd ask how school was, she'd
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: respond with one-word answers. When I'd suggest we grab dinner,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: she'd say she had plans with Cody. I mentioned it
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: to my ex-wife, but she said I was being paranoid
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: and that teenagers naturally pull away from their parents. She
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: said Iris was just growing up and I needed to
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: give her space. The texts that did come through seemed
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: fine on the surface, but something felt off. They sounded
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: like Iris, but also not quite right. Too formal. Too careful.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Missing the random tangents and emoji spam that usually characterized
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: her messages. Then, on a Wednesday night, I got a
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: text that made me pause. Had a great day today.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Cody took me to look at red balloons for the
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Valentine's dance. We might do piano lessons together since we
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: both need to learn. The dance committee is thinking about
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: having it at the Beach House venue. thinking of making
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: lemonade for the bake sale. My hands started shaking as
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I read it. Every single sentence contained a code phrase.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Red balloons. Piano lessons. Beach house. Making lemonade. But there
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: was no safety phrase. No dad bought flowers to indicate
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: she was joking. I stared at my phone trying to
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: convince myself I was overreacting. That she was just randomly
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: using phrases that happened to match our old code. But
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Iris never mentioned the Valentine's dance to me before. She
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: wasn't on the dance committee. And we didn't have a
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: beach house venue in town. She deliberately packed every warning
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: signal into one message, which meant this wasn't accidental. Someone
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: was hurting her. Someone was making her scared, and she
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: couldn't tell me directly. I immediately called her phone, but
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: it went straight to voicemail. I tried three more times
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: with the same result. I texted asking if she was okay,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: and got no response. I called my ex-wife, who said
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Iris was sleeping over at her friend Mallory's house, and
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I was being ridiculous for panicking over nothing. I drove
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: to Mallory's house anyway, and rang the doorbell at 9.30
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: at night. Mallory's mom answered looking confused and said Iris
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: wasn't there, that she hadn't seen Iris in weeks actually.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: She asked if everything was okay, and I mumbled something
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: about mixed up plans before running back to my car.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I called my ex-wife again, and she finally admitted that
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Iris wasn't at Mallory's. She was actually staying at Cody's
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: house because his parents were out of town, and she
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: was helping him study. The casual way she said it
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: made my blood boil. Our 14-year-old daughter was at her
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: boyfriend's house overnight with no adults present, and my ex
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: thought that was fine. I asked for Cody's address and
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: she refused to give it to me, saying I was
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: going to embarrass Iris by showing up like a crazy person.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: We argued for five minutes before she finally sent me
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: the address just to get me off the phone. I
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: drove there going 20 over the speed limit, my mind
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: racing through all the worst possibilities. What if I was
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: wrong and Iris really was just randomly using old phrases?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: What if I burst in there and humiliated her in
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: front of her boyfriend? But what if I was right
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: and something terrible was happening? When I pulled up to
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Cody's house, all the lights were off except for one
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: upstairs window. I sat in my car for a minute
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: trying to decide what to do. Then I saw movement
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: in the lit window, someone pacing back and forth, and
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I heard yelling. Male voice, loud and angry, though I
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: couldn't make out the words. I got out of the
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: car and tried the front door, which was unlocked. The
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: house was trashed, furniture knocked over in the living room,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: broken glass on the kitchen floor. I took the stairs
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: two at a time and followed the sound of Cody's
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: voice to a bedroom at the end of the hall.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: The door was closed but not locked. I could hear
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: him screaming about Iris texting people and how she wasn't
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: allowed to talk to anyone without his permission. I heard
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Iris crying and saying she was just texting her dad
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: about school stuff. Cody called her a liar and said
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: he'd seen the message and knew she was trying to
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: signal someone. That's when I realized he'd partially figured out
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: the code. He didn't know what the phrases meant specifically,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: but he knew she was communicating something beyond the literal words.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I opened the door and found Iris backed into a corner,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: her phone smashed on the floor, and Cody standing over
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: her with his fist raised. When he saw me, he
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: lowered his hand and tried to switch to his polite tone, saying,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: hey Mr. Wallace, we were just having a disagreement, but
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: I could see the red mark on Iris' face where
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: he'd already hit her. I told Iris to come with
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: me right now, and Cody stepped in front of her
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: blocking my path. He said Iris didn't want to leave,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: that she was staying with him, and I needed to
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: get out of his house. Iris was crying harder now
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: and trying to move toward me, but Cody grabbed her
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: arm and yanked her back. That's when I saw the bruises,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: dark purple marks running up her forearm in the clear
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: shape of fingerprints. I stepped forward and shoved Cody hard
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: enough that he stumbled backward and let go of Iris.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: She ran to me, and I positioned myself between her
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: and Cody. He was yelling about how I couldn't just
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: come into his house and assault him, that he was
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: calling the police on me. I told him to go
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: ahead and call them, that they'd be very interested in
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: the bruises on my daughter's arm. We were backing toward
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: the door when Cody's whole demeanor changed. The polite mask
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: completely dropped, and I saw what Iris had been dealing with.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Pure rage twisted his face as he grabbed a baseball
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: bat from beside his desk. He said nobody was leaving
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: until Iris admitted she was a lying bitch and apologized
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: for trying to get him in trouble. I pushed Iris
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: behind me and told her to run downstairs and get
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: to my car. She hesitated, and I screamed at her
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: to go now. She ran, and I heard her footsteps
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: thundering down the stairs. Cody tried to get past me
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: to follow her, and when I blocked him, he swung
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: the bat at my head. I barely ducked in time
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: and felt it whistle past my ear. He swung again,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: and this time connected with my shoulder, sending white hot
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: pain shooting down my arm. I tackled him before he
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: could swing a third time, and we crashed into his desk,
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: scattering papers and electronics everywhere. We fought on the floor,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: him trying to reach the bat, and me trying to
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: keep him pinned. He was stronger than I expected, and
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: managed to shove me off. I scrambled backward as he
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: stood up with the bat raised again. That's when I
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: heard sirens getting closer. Iris must have called 911 from
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: my car. Cody heard them too and froze, the bat
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: still raised above his head. His eyes darted between me
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: and the window and the door, calculating whether he could
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: finish what he started before the police arrived. I saw
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: him make the decision to run. He dropped the bat
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: and bolted past me, shoving me into the wall as
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: he went. I heard him crashing down the stairs and
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: then the back door slamming. By the time I made
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: it downstairs, red and blue lights were flooding through the
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: front windows and two police officers were coming through the
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: door with their hands on their weapons. I raised my
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: hands and started explaining who I was and what happened.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: the words tumbling out in a confused rush. One officer
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: went to check on Iris in my car while the
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: other took my statement. Within minutes, more units arrived and
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: started searching the area for Cody. An officer found him
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: hiding in his neighbor's shed twenty minutes later. They brought
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: him back in handcuffs, and he was yelling the whole
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: time about how this was all a misunderstanding, and I'd
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: attacked him in his own house. But then Iris showed
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: the officers her bruises and told them about the months
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: of escalating control and violence. They took photographs of Iris'
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: injuries under the bright lights of the police cruiser, and
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: I saw bruises I hadn't noticed before. Fingerprints on her
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: upper arms, a faded black eye she'd covered with makeup,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: marks on her neck that were shaped like hands. The
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: photographer documented everything while Iris stood there shaking and crying.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: The officers asked if we wanted to press charges, and
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I said yes immediately. One of them explained that with
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: the physical evidence and the witnessed assault with the bat,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: Cody would likely be charged with multiple felonies including assault, battery,
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: and false imprisonment. They took Iris' smashed phone as evidence
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: and collected the bat from upstairs. A female detective arrived
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: and took Iris to a separate car to give a
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: more detailed statement. I watched through the window as my
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: daughter described months of abuse while the detective took notes.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: My ex-wife showed up thirty minutes later, having gotten a
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: call from one of the officers. She took one look
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: at Iris' bruises and started crying. She kept saying she
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: didn't know, she had no idea this was happening, and
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I wanted to scream at her for not believing me
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: when I said something felt wrong. They took us to
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: the hospital to document Iris' injuries more thoroughly and check
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: for any that weren't visible. The doctor who examined her
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: found three cracked ribs, extensive bruising across her torso, and
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: signs of strangulation from a week prior that she'd hidden
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: under turtlenecks. Each new injury made me feel sicker. The
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: doctor very gently asked Iris if there had been any
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: sexual assault, and Iris shook her head. No, thank God.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: They kept her overnight for observation. and gave her resources
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: for counseling and support groups. The detective came by the
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: next morning to tell us that Cody had been charged
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: with aggravated assault, battery, false imprisonment, and assault with a
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: deadly weapon for the bat. He was being held on
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: a $ 100, 000 bail that his parents couldn't afford. The detective
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: said they'd done a deeper investigation and and found texts
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: from Cody to his friends bragging about controlling his girlfriend
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: and posting photos of Iris crying with captions about putting
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: her in her place, social media evidence that would make
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: the case against him much stronger. Over the next few days,
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: the full story came out. Cody had started getting possessive
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: about a month into their relationship, checking Iris' phone constantly
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: and getting angry if she talked to other boys. He'd
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: isolated her from her friends by starting fights whenever she
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: made plans without him. He'd started pushing her around during arguments.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: then progressing to slapping and punching. He'd threaten to kill
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: himself if she ever tried to break up with him,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: showing her pills he'd supposedly collected for that purpose. He'd
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: convinced her that nobody would believe her if she told anyone,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: that he'd make sure she got blamed for everything, and
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: it had worked. Iris had been trapped, terrified, and completely
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: alone because he'd systematically cut her off from her support system.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: The only thing he hadn't controlled was that one text message,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: the one she'd managed to send while he was in
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: the bathroom. She'd packed it full of every code phrase
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: she could remember, praying I'd recognize them after all these years.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: She told me later she'd almost given up hope that
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I'd notice, that she thought maybe I'd forgotten the system,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: or would think she was just using random words. The
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: preliminary hearing happened three weeks later. Iris had to testify
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: about the abuse while Cody sat twenty feet away glaring
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: at her. She was terrified, but got through it, her
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: voice shaking but clear as she described each incident. The
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: judge found probable cause for all charges, and ordered Cody
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: to stay away from Iris, our house, her school, and
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: any place she was likely to be. A restraining order
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: was issued, and he was fitted with an ankle monitor
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: when his parents finally scraped together bail money. The trial
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: was scheduled for six months later, and the prosecutor told
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: us the evidence was strong enough that Cody's lawyer was
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: already discussing a plea deal. In the meantime, Iris started
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: therapy twice a week with a counselor who specialized in
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: domestic violence survivors. She was diagnosed with PTSD and put
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: on medication for the panic attacks that had started after
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: that night. She'd wake up screaming from nightmares where Cody
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: was chasing her or hurting her. She couldn't be in
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: enclosed spaces without panicking. She stopped eating and lost 15
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: pounds in a month. Watching her struggle was almost harder
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: than the night I'd found her. My ex-wife and I
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: had several difficult conversations about how we'd missed the signs.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: She admitted she'd wanted to believe Iris was in a
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: normal teenage relationship, because acknowledging the red flags would have
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: meant admitting she'd failed to protect our daughter. She'd convinced
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: herself that the bruises Iris explained away as soccer injuries
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: were actually from soccer. That the weight loss was just
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: teen diet culture. That the isolation from friends was normal
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: relationship behavior. She'd seen what she wanted to see instead
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: of what was actually there. We started family therapy together
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: to work through the guilt and figure out how to
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: better support Iris. The therapist explained that abusers are often
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: very skilled at appearing normal to parents and authority figures
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: while terrorizing their victims in private. That it's common for
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: families to miss warning signs because the abuse is carefully hidden.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: It helped a little, but I still felt like I'd
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: failed Iris by not seeing what was happening sooner. Six
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: months after that night, Cody took a plea deal rather
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: than face trial. He pled guilty to aggravated assault and
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: battery in exchange for the other charges being dropped. He
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: was sentenced to three years in juvenile detention, followed by
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: two years of supervised probation. He'd have to complete anger
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: management and domestic violence prevention programs. There would be a
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: permanent restraining order keeping him away from Iris. It wasn't
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: as much time as I wanted him to serve, But
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: the prosecutor explained that getting a longer sentence would have
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: required putting Iris through a full trial, where she'd be
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: cross-examined and re-traumatized. She said this was the best outcome
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: we could realistically hope for. Iris sobbed with relief when
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: the judge announced the sentence, like she'd been holding her
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: breath for months, waiting to hear that he'd actually face consequences.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: At sentencing, Cody's lawyer tried to paint him as a
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: troubled kid who'd made mistakes, but the judge wasn't having it.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: She looked at Cody and told him directly that what
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: he'd done was domestic violence. that he'd systematically terrorized a
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: young girl, and that he was lucky to be in
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: juvenile court instead of being tried as an adult. Iris
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: is 17 now, three years after that night. She still
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: goes to therapy every week and probably will for years.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: She's wary around boys her age and hasn't dated anyone since.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: She still has panic attacks sometimes, triggered by things that
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: remind her of Cody like a certain cologne or aggressive
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: behavior in movies. But she's healing slowly. She rejoined her
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: soccer team and reconnected with friends she'd lost. She's applying
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: to colleges and talking about studying psychology to help other
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: abuse survivors. She started a support group at her school
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: for teen relationship violence, sharing her story to help other
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: kids recognize warning signs. She's turned her trauma into advocacy,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: which her therapist says is a healthy way to reclaim power.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: And we still use the sunshine system, but now we've
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: expanded it and made it more sophisticated. Red balloons still
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: means danger. We've added new phrases for specific situations. Thinking
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: about summer camp means I'm being followed. The garden needs
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: watering means I'm in physical danger. Looking at old photos
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: means I need you right now but can't explain why.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Iris made me promise to teach the system to any
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: future romantic partners I have seriously date, so they'd have
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: a way to communicate if they ever felt unsafe. She
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: wants it to be something multiple people in her life know,
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: not just me. She taught it to her two closest
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: friends as well, and they practiced it until it became
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: second nature. They've already used it twice in situations that
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: weren't emergencies, but could have become dangerous. Once when a
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: guy at a party wouldn't take no for an answer,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: and once when a friend's ex started showing stalker behavior.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: The code gave them a way to signal for help
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: without escalating situations publicly. Iris also started teaching younger kids
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: about creating their own family codes as a safety tool.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: She volunteers at a youth center and runs workshops about
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: personal safety, including communication strategies for when you can't speak freely.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: She emphasizes that these codes should be taught and practiced
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: regularly so they become automatic in crisis situations. The kids
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: love it because it feels like a game, but Iris
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: makes sure they understand it's a serious tool that could
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: save their lives someday. Appreciate you watching this far. If
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: you enjoyed it, drop a like, leave a comment, and
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: subscribe so you won't miss the next story.