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Did the narcissist ever love you? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So did the narcissist in your life ever love you?
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  Like, did they ever have love for you in any way, shape or
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  form? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Boom.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back, beautiful folks. Yes, this is y'all.
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  So I'm going to preface this. This is one of the questions
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  that I get a lot of the most of. Like when I'm live, when I'm in
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  my conversation or any video. Did they ever love me?
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  Did they? Did they?
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  Can they narcissist love you? Did they love me?
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  Wasn't, you know, wasn't any of it real?
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  Yo, let's keep it real. I'm like I said, this is not
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  trying to hurt anybody's feelings, but I feel like if
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  you're asking can did someone love you, then you kind of
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  already have your answer because you really shouldn't have to
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  question love, should you? You know, you really shouldn't
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  have to question Did they ever love you if they did love you?
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  Because love is an action, Love is a verb.
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  How did they show you that they love you?
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  You know, you wouldn't be asking this question if you already
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  had, you know, a definitive answer to it, so to speak.
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  So this is what I'm just telling people in these situations when
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  you get, when you get caught up in toxic relationship dynamics,
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  when you're trying to survive, when you're trying to thrive and
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  whatnot. This is one of the questions I
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  get like, and so many people want to know the answer.
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  And I just, and I I I don't say no.
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  I really don't say no. I no, the narcissist never loved
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  you. I wouldn't say that.
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  Y'all, because I don't believe that to be completely true.
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  You know, some people will just say, no, they didn't love you,
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  get over it, move on. It's the best to heal from it.
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  But to me, it's hard to look at somebody when I'm doing my
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  coaching or my support groups. It's hard to tell somebody
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  that's been in a relationship for 30 years.
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  Hey, your whole relationship was a lie.
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  Your whole life you live was an entire lie.
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  Get over it. They never love you.
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  Go heal. Your grandkids, your grand, your
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  kids, your grandkids, your great grandkids were all born out from
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  a fake relationship. None of it was real.
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  Get over it. I, you know, even me as a
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  narcissist, I know not to say that there's somebody to put
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  them in a healthy state. Oh, thanks, Lee, for sharing
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  that with me. No.
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  So this is what I'll say to you right here.
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  Some narcissists do not have the capability of loving you.
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  Let's just keep it real off the rip.
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  Lee, that hurts my feelings like some of them don't.
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  It is not your real. It's not your fault that a
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  narcissist doesn't know how to love you.
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  How the hell is that your fault? How?
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  How is it your fault that someone else doesn't know how to
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  love you? Quick, quickly, please.
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  I need an explanation. How is it your fault?
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  It's not your fault. But they make you feel like it's
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  your fault. They make you feel like the lack
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  of love that you're receiving in this relationship is somehow
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  attributed to you. The blame is on you.
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  The reason I don't treat you like I love you is because you
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  don't act like you don't deserve it.
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  You don't act like you just needed to be loved.
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  This is you. See what I'm saying?
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  You don't act like you don't behave the way that you need to
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  be behaving. So that's why you get a lot of
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  narcissists. They try to convince you that
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  you're being treated in a certain type of way because of
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  how you are or how you act or how you behave.
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  But the truth of it is they don't know how to love you.
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  They don't know how. They don't really know what love
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  is. They grew up, they grew up in
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  chaos, they grew up in toxicity. They were traumatized possibly
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  when they were growing up. Not every narcissist is
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  traumatized. I'm just saying a lot of them
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  are. A lot of narcissists grew up in
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  chaos, grew up in trauma, grew up in trauma turmoil.
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  They grew up with that. So they don't know how to love
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  you correctly. And again at the end of the day,
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  then again, that is not your fault.
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  Y'all be taking blame for what other people do to you.
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  That's not your fault. How somebody treats you because
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  they don't know how to treat you.
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  You see what I'm saying? But This is why I tell people as
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  well. What if they did love you to the
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  maximum of their ability? What if they gave you everything
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  that they had in there? What if they gave you every
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  ounce of love? What if they gave you every drop
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  of love that they possessed and it just wasn't enough for you?
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  It wasn't, it wasn't the present.
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  It wasn't the right form of love for you.
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  What if the only thing that they can do is show you physical
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  love? They don't get that emotional
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  deep. They don't get that deep,
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  emotionally effective love. They give you the physical
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  stuff. They give you the physical
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  stuff, the gifts. They clapping up the cheeks.
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  They do all that type of stuff right there.
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  They give you the physicality, the physical part of it.
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  But the mental part is lacking. The emotional part is lacking.
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  They give you gifts in our their, their.
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  They. They want you to consider their
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  presence with you as love. I'm with you, Art.
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  And I. You should know I love you
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  because I'm with you. My presence is here.
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  I'm here with you. So you should know that I love
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  you. The fact that I'm here with you
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  right now should be proof that I love you.
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  That's not enough for you though, is it?
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  Let's just be real. A lot of a lot of that stuff is
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  not going to be enough for you. And again, that's
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  understandable. That is not enough for you.
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  Don't get so don't get mad at yourself for it not being enough
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  for you. Because it's just like only I
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  just feel bad because they didn't.
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  They gave me everything that they had.
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  It just wasn't enough. Y'all everything they had could
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  also be abusive. Their lack of love can end up
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  being emotionally abusive. They can end up getting physical
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  as well. But that lack of love that they
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  give you, that lack of emotional connectivity, could end up being
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  emotionally abusive to you because they neglect you.
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  You know, They think they're being.
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  They think they're doing everything for you.
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  I'm here, aren't I? If I didn't love you, I wouldn't
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  be here, would I? You know?
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  But they don't. They're not emotionally
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  connected to you. They just give you their
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  presence, their presence, like their body, their actual
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  presence of being there. Right.
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  But everything else is lacking. So that's why I just tell you
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  what I'm telling you. All this is not to hurt your
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  feelings. It's to wake you up, to
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  understand the fact that some of them might have loved you.
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  But it's not the quality of love that you need.
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  It's not the quantity that you needed as well.
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  It's not the type of love that you needed.
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  You see what I'm saying? They give because at the truly,
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  I will say this, did they ever love you?
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  They the most that they loved you was probably at the
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  beginning of the relationship. They say it like that the most
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  they ever loved you was more than likely at the beginning of
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  the relationship. They gave you everything at the
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  beginning because that's all they they knew how to give you
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  was at the beginning, right? That's all they knew how to
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  supply you with was the beginning of the love, the
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  beginning of it. They didn't know how to do
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  anything else. They just gave you the beginning
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  of everything. So that's what I'm just telling
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  you right now. When they're treating you this
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  way, when they're behaving this way, when they're acting this
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  way, like that's what you have, that's part of what you have to
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  understand is that they're going to keep doing it.
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  They they like at the beginning. They give you that.
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  They give you everything that they got in the beginning.
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  They over they it's kind of like they they they're top heavy.
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  The relationship with the narcissist is top heavy with
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  love. The love is over top.
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  It's on the top of everything, right?
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  It's over top, love. They do this.
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  They get you the same type of stuff, you know, it's just gets
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  into their space. That's why I just try to.
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  I try to wake too many people up to just let you know, hey, this
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  ain't about you, but so many people just like it's it's hard
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  and I understand it's hard not to take some of this stuff
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  personal, you know, You know, it really is.
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  It's extremely difficult to not take some of this stuff personal
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  because they make it. They personalize the insults,
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  they personalize their behaviours towards you because
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  they're only treating you this way.
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  Everybody else gets treated a certain type of way because they
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  overload you with the love that they have in the beginning.
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  They just feel like they should be able to live off the
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  residual, the residual from that, It's compound interest.
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  They put a big deposit upfront, a big deposit of love upfront in
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  a little love bank account. Y'all hear me, Y'all hear me
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  talk about the love bank account, right.
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  In the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist,
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  they make a huge deposit of love.
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  In the beginning of the relationship, in this, in this
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  deposit, it's interest bearing relationship account, right.
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  They make a huge deposit of love in it.
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  That's what the love by me phase is.
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  But when the love runs out, like I said, when they when they stop
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  making deposits, they just live off the compound interest.
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  You know that's what the that's the that's the millionaires,
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  right. That's what the billionaires do,
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  right. They just they live off the
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  compound interest of their money.
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  They they put their money in their interest bearing account
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  and they make they live off the the money that their money
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  makes. That's what they do, right?
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  They live off the compound interest, they live off they put
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  100 million in the bank and they just live off it for the rest of
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  their lives without taking, without taking any of their own
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  money. You see, that's that's what
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  narcissists do with love. They overload this love bank
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  account with love at the beginning trips, love bombing,
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  cheek clapping money, just giving you a lending you an ear
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  just listening to you. Because sometimes love bombing
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  is not extravagant. Sometimes it's really just
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  listening to you and making you invalidating you.
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  It really is. It does get to that point
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  sometimes where that love bombing is really just them
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  validating you. It's in that space right there.
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  They just validate you enough. You haven't been like, they're
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  they they're becoming a shoulder to cry on because you haven't
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  been loved like this in a long time.
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  You haven't been talked to in a long time.
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  You haven't been validated in a long time.
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  So they take advantage of that. They take advantage of the fact
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  that you haven't been loved in a long time.
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  They take advantage of the fact that you haven't been touched in
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  a long time. They give you everything that
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  you want and need in the beginning.
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  They're overloading this bank account, and they live off the
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  residual interest of it later on.
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  And I know, I know that sucks because so many people just like
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  damn well, Lee, that's not enough.
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  I yeah, I know it's not enough because some that's why so many
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  people leave. Y'all feel like the narcissistic
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  person is like they're doing, you know, it just it just gets
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  into that space right there. So I I try to convey that to
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  people to just let you know that when you're dealing with a
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  toxic, narcissistic person, this is kind of the mindset that they
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  have. They're they've given you
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  enough, they feel like you have enough.
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  Now you're asking for too much. When you ask for some affection,
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  you're asking for too much. You know what I'm saying?
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  Now that you're asking for them for affection, you're you're
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  you're you're asking for too much from them and they will
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  make you feel like you're asking for too much from them.
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  They will. And it sucks that they make you
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  feel like you're asking for too much from them.
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  Can you hug me? Why you why you always want to
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  be hugged? Why you want to be?
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  Why you so touchy? Why you so touchy, Philly?
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  Why you acting like this? Why you behaving like this?
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  They make you feel like you're overdoing it by asking for them
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  this type of stuff. So that's why.
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  I'm just saying, like when you're dealing with a toxic,
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  narcissistic person, this is the dilemma that you will face
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  sometimes. Like they maybe give you all the
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  love that they have to give. They don't have any more to
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  give. They expect the stuff that they
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  did from the beginning. They they expect the stuff that
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  they did in the beginning to be enough to last you forever.
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  You know, they expected that. They all the stuff that I did
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  for you in the beginning, that should be enough to last you for
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  eternity. You shouldn't have to ask me for
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  anything else. You can't say I didn't do
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  anything for you, right? That's why I'm just telling you,
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  it just gets it can get extremely toxic.
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  It can get extremely annoying when you're dealing with toxic,
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  narcissistic people like this because they are going to
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  continue to play the victim. Like they'll victimize
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  themselves. For you asking them to love them
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  for you, for you, for you asking for love, They'll play the
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  victim. They'll be like, well, you asked
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  for too much. You're asking for too much.
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  My ex didn't ask for this. My my ex didn't ask for that.
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  You know? But that's the dynamic that so
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  many people face right here. Y'all.
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  So did they ever love you? Some of them did, but it might
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  not be enough. Some of them might have loved
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  you. Some of them might have cared
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  for you. I'm not going to say that they
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  didn't love you. And they just like you.
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  You wasted your time in this relationship because that
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  destroys people. Y'all that destroys some people.
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  And I know so many people out here just like, well, Lee, some
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  people need to hear the truth. I said the truth at the
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  beginning. Some of them do not love you.
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  Some of them don't have the ability to love.
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  Some of them literally only love to the ability to their highest
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  capability. And that's not enough for you.
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  You know, you might have grew up in a good household with loving,
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  caring parents and you know what affection and love looks like.
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  And they ain't giving it to you. And you know, like you know you
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  like. I know what love look like.
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  This ain't it? You know what I mean?
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  Like I said, y'all If y'all have any questions, concerns,
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  whatever, jump in mind. Like I said, shoot me a message,
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  leave a comment below, join my support group, take my courses
• 11:53
  and whatnot. I got a lot of stuff coming out
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  here pretty soon. Y'all I'm thankful for you.
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  Subscribe to the channel with the hill.
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  This is out peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
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  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 12:04
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 12:05
  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 12:08
  another video or to browse through another playlist.
• 12:10
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 12:12
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.