Latest / The Missing Secret Podcast / Doing Your Best Doesn’t Work

Transcript

Doing Your Best Doesn’t Work · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:04
  Kelly Hatfield: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our full potential.
• 0:17
  John Mitchell: Are you living up to your potential? Are you frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
• 0:31
  Kelly Hatfield: If this is hitting home, you're in the right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher level. So you're playing at your full potential, rather than at a fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you learn it, watch what happens.
• 0:59
  Welcome to Think It Be It the podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
• 1:03
  John Mitchell: Hey. And I'm John Michell. So Kelly, this week's episode is doing your best doesn't work. Now, I see that skeptical look in your eyes. So what do you think?
• 1:17
  Kelly Hatfield: I think that I'm excited to hear where this conversation is gonna go.
• 1:23
  John Mitchell: Okay, well, I'll, I've been thinking about this. And so I'll get us into this. So I remember back when I was 40 years old, thinking, you know, I need to, I need a strategy for success. And I'd never found one, although I was looking for for one, and he came to me, Well, you know, why not just do your best, that's my strategy for success. That's all I can control, just do your best. And probably if you do your best or off the knot, things will work out. And so that made a lot of sense. And so off, I go in my 40s doing that. But, and I didn't grasp this until my 50s or maybe even in my 60s, but I've realized that doing your best doesn't work. And the reason it doesn't work is because at the end of the day, your success comes down to your daily actions to the capability to the sector of your daily actions, determines your success in each area of your life. And if you're relating it to your career, you know, just to your best, you may not be taking the right actions, you're taking the the best actions you can think of, but you may not be taking the right actions. And you know, as I learned in my 50s, from thinking Grow Rich, is the real success for me is to see in detail what you want and how you're going to get it and then feed that to yourself every day. In that process, you will be defining what the right actions are, because you're seeing starting with the end in mind. And you know, so that clarity about what the right actions are come from, from seeing the end goal. And, and I see that, if you don't do that, oftentimes, you're not going to be able to actually see what the right actions are, you're going to see whatever you see, but it may not be the right actions. You buy that?
• 3:31
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I buy that. And I, I see that and I raise you. Okay. So the first thing that as you started talking that popped out to me, I thought about, like kind of each phase of my business that I've gone through. So I'll think about the first one where you kind of get to that first benchmark, and you're at that, you know, million plus, you know, Mark, and like, my best got me to that point, what knowing what the right actions were to take me to get to the next level, you know, and having the kind of clarity around what that was going to take to get to the next level goes back to kind of what we were talking about to with that growth mindset and modeling and getting, you know, more input from people who've been where you want to help clarify that vision. And because I had raised in it, each phase of the business where we've kind of gone to the next level has taken another level for me that I've had to tap into. And so anyway, as you were saying your best that was the first thing I thought of I was like okay, but my best, you know, is only in relation to like my best thinking, and if my best thinking isn't in alignment, then it's going to be difficult to get to the next level. Does that make sense?
• 4:52
  John Mitchell: Yeah. I just wonder though, if like in your business in the employment and recruiting business, if If you had seen in detail, you know, where you want it to be, say, three years out, and really looked at that in detail, where exactly do we want to be in three years? What are the milestones to get there, and then you start seeing, Oh, here's the actions that I gotta be taken to get there, I found that process of our methodology, so valuable to see three years out and see the milestones, and then it becomes obvious, oh, I got to do this action, I gotta do that action. And, and again, at the end of the day, it's those actions that they create success. And so I think, to me, that's been enlightening, and shows you that if, if you're not seeing the right actions, even though you might be doing your best, it's just not going to, you know, it's not going to give you the success you desire.
• 5:56
  Kelly Hatfield: Exactly, no 100%.
• 5:59
  John Mitchell: You know, the other thing that I have come to appreciate is, you know, the second problem with doing your best is, at least in my 40s was, I didn't have control over my daily actions, you know, again, I had 5%, control of my daily actions with 95% of them being unconscious. And so, you know, I'm rollin in my 40s that way, and then in my 50s, I can control the other, the other 95%. And suddenly, I can do things I could never do before. And so I see, you know, what a difference that was, you know, I saw that, suddenly, I could consistently grow every week, because I'm affirming how important that is. And, and I had a system that I was affirming, it was also affirming process, we teach people about setting aside time, two times a week to think, why damn sure, would do that my 30s and 40s. And also didn't have the presence of mind to figure out what moves the needle, and feed that to myself every day. So that level of control was immensely more in my 50s. And, and so doing my best, you know, greatly was enhanced in my 50s. Just like, I know, you you feel the same way, right? Oh,
• 7:27
  Kelly Hatfield: Oh yeah. Oh, absolutely. I think this, this whole methodology, in it to the point we're making about doing your best will, if your autopilot is in control of 95% of your daily actions, your thoughts and your daily actions. And you haven't done the work on the that 95% on autopilot on that subconscious than your operating. You know, from basically the past. We've talked about that before. That's kind of what's really, that's what's framing your day. So your best is only, you know, in relation to that subconscious, which is not set up for success, like, like we've talked about before. And so you know, the idea of doing your best. Okay, but there's such, there's the ways that we've talked about and what we know what you've taught me on how to optimize to get, you know, I'll do everything that you just talked about. So, right.
• 8:23
  John Mitchell: Yeah, you know, it's interesting how doing your best to could be so inadequate. I mean, I see that now. And, and I also see how comforting it is, psychologically, to tell yourself, you're doing your best, in that, that feels good. That feels like you're doing everything you can. But in retrospect, it can be so totally inadequate, right?
• 8:48
  Kelly Hatfield: Oh, yeah, no, for all the reasons we've just talked about, haven't done that work. And then your subconscious is operating from that other place that isn't setting you up for success. So you again, are, you're not your best, the best version of yourself, because you're operating from all these old stories and these habits that aren't serving you and you're not getting that repetition in on the right input. It's all that repetition from all that, you know, garbage. So, right 100% We're on the same page. It's it's amazing how things shift and how your definition of your best changes.
• 9:25
  John Mitchell: Yeah, well, you know, in my in my 50s, I really came to realize there were five components of doing my best. And I didn't understand that at in my 30s and 40s. In fact, I thought there was only one component of doing your best which meant getting up at 530 in the morning, which working
• 9:47
  Kelly Hatfield: 12 hours a day or whatever grinding grinding it out. Yep, of course.
• 9:51
  John Mitchell: Of course. In your case, you look at anybody who's getting up at 530 morning as a slacker. Enough,
• 9:57
  Kelly Hatfield: I'm like you just wasted half your day.
• 10:01
  John Mitchell: Are you sleeping in? For you people that don't know? If Kelly gets up what it for every morning?
• 10:08
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I just my body will not let me sleep past that it doesn't even matter what time I go to bed I four o'clock is like being my eyes are open.
• 10:17
  John Mitchell: I'm like, that's an advantage. But but you know, I thought back in my 40s sets, you know, getting up at 530. And, and putting in a solid 12 hours a day was doing your best. And then when I got my 50s I'm like, Whoa, that is so inadequate in terms of understanding it. And I saw that there were five components, you know, one obviously was putting in the hours, but the other one was figuring out what moves the needle, and focusing only on that as a new concept. Then another one was tuning into reality, and see what is reality actually telling me? Not not what do I want to believe, but what is reality, telling me, then the other one was a big one was learning how the human mind works, why I had no clue in my 30s and 40s. And so you know, just to summarize it, the five were effort, focus on what moves the needle, tuning into reality, consistently growing, which, which I was never doing before. And understanding how the human mind works. Those are the five things that I grasp in my 50s that that's what doing my best was and you know, that was so transformative to have a deeper understanding of that, hey, I'm curious, how is your understanding of doing your best changed,
• 11:50
  Kelly Hatfield: I think really the cornerstone of what changed my understanding of what my best looks like is understanding how the human mind works. I know I've said this a million times that anybody listens to these on a regular basis probably gets sick of it. But like literally, when by understood, what we talk about 95% of your thoughts are unconscious, you know, or unconscious, when I understood the reticular activating system, and how that worked, like my world opened up, and a couple of things happened. Number one, my stress level decreased immediately too, because, again, we've talked about this, but I know that there may be some people listening who are you know, are frustrated with their results or and have the best intentions and tried really hard to like make the gains that they want to make the different areas of their life. And like I was right there with you, you know, and I'm an achiever, I am a driver, and I was frustrated that I would do the right stuff, you know, for a period of time, and then you know, for whatever reason, get thrown off track. And you know, back into that old subconscious pattern, which I didn't understand at that time. Soon as I understood how the human mind works. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. And the blame game and the shame game that I get that I played on myself stopped because it was like, oh, oh, okay, yeah, I get it, I now I get it, why I you know, I could do it through sheer willpower and intention for a period of time before, you know, I would stop the positive behavior that would get the positive result. You know, I'm like, Oh, now I get that's because my subconscious and programming pulls me back into that, you know, those old patterns and habits and everything. I didn't understand any of that I didn't understand how the reticular activating system works. And so like opening those two things up for me, just those two things shifted, you know, my ability to, and it was since we're using that phrase do my best, that definition of that phraseology changed significantly, because it was like, Oh, it unlocked something for me, I guess is my point.
• 14:01
  John Mitchell: Right? Well, yeah. And you know, to further that, that explanation to our audience about how the human mind works, and you talked about the reticular activating system, you know, at the end of the day, is really simple. It's there's this constant dance between the the conscious mind and the subconscious mind, the hand, you know, the conscious mind is, is setting your intentions and your subconscious mind is controlling your daily action. And more specifically, what that means is that, you know, your conscious mind says your intentions and is influenced by logic. And your subconscious mind, though, is taking those intentions and, and taking the required actions and it's, it's in control of those, those daily actions I has evidenced by the fact that 95% of your daily actions and thoughts are in kind hunches. And so it's this constant dance between the conscious mind setting the intentions and the subconscious mind controlling the actions. And that's why it's so important in our methodology, that once you create your visualization, which takes pure conscious mind, and figuring out your life, and, and, and using our questionnaire to, to do that, and then getting it on our template, that's all conscious mind. And and then you start feeding itself, your succinct articulation of your life to yourself each day, then that's the repetition that the, that the subconscious mind responds to. And that, again, is controlling your your daily actions. And so as you live your life, you know, we advocate thinking two times a week, well, that's constantly sort of tweaking, you know, your clarity and your vision for your life. And as you come up with new things, you change your visualization, and now you're feeding the latest version, and that affects new actions. And so that's about as deep as it is, you know, I mean, you know, we're not splitting atoms here. You know, you know, it's amazing to me how freakin simple this whole thing is. And you know, it's, it's also interesting, I have a, I don't know if I told you about this, but there's a lady, her name is Molly Fletcher. Yo, have you ever heard our, I haven't know, she's sort of the, her reputation has been the female, Jerry Maguire. Now, okay. Okay. And she's big time. And so I've gotten to know her, because I admire her so much. In my work with the head coaches here at the University of Texas, I have a personal growth program, because you know, if she's so good, and she'll interview all sorts of sports stars, that I contacted her get, and I got to know her. And so she's, she's got a new book, she has this this methodology called dynamic drive. Very good stuff, it's similar to think it be it in a way in terms of creating clarity about what drives you individually. And I was telling her, I said, you know, what you're doing is really good. And it's powerful. But the problem with it is that all you're affecting is intentions. And unless you influence the subconscious mind, people are going to struggle with turning it into a reality, you got to feed that to yourself, every day. And so I don't know where it's gonna go with her. And I have suggested I've just in the process of teaching her think it'd be at and try and apply it to what she's doing. Not that she needs my help. But But I do see that, you know, everything else out there in the success business, is strategies that only affect people's intentions, you know, when you tell people, you need to do this, or do you need to do that strategy. All that is affecting attention intentions. And if you don't feed that to yourself every day and give the subconscious mind, the repetition it needs, then it's going to stay intentions, and it's not going to show up consistently in your actions. And so, you know, to me, this is so freakin simple in urns. But I see that some people get it, some people don't, ya know, and
• 18:48
  Kelly Hatfield: Well, you have that superpower of making something that seems complex, simple. And it really is, I mean, you just, you're breaking it down into a couple of like, as soon as I grasped, you know, what we've talked about the 95% of your thoughts and actions are unconscious and the reticular activating system, that for me was like, oh, okay, so you mean, if I if you know, if I do this, and I do this then leads to this? Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, that's pretty simple. A plus B equals C.
• 19:18
  John Mitchell: I know it's easy to connect the dots. It really has, you know, it's interesting. I've been, as I as you know, I've probably haven't said this publicly, but I'm writing a book, a book on success and basically, explaining think it'd be it and the full secret. And, you know, I have thought about doing this for, you know, a number of years but finally decided over the last month or so to do it. So I'm well into it. And in fact, I think I'm going to finish the first draft of it maybe in two weeks. But I tell you, Ellie, it is so interesting to go back and explain at all of our methodology he had and restate so many lessons in life I've learned like I just this morning was writing the 10 entrepreneurial lessons to that over a billion dollars a year. And I don't know, it's on one level, it's a catharsis for me. And on another it's like, I sure hope people, you know, embrace this not that I think that it's going to be, you know, a best seller beak because I don't I don't envision that, but who knows. But you know, if it helps one person, I'm, I'm going to be happy and I also see that that I'm, I plan on giving the most valuable component of our system that template to people. And you know, the Vitesse innovation we think it be it is creating an algorithm where you answer 31 questions, and press a button, and suddenly the template is customized to your life. And so that's, that's about two weeks away as well. So it's a interesting time to be writing this book. And I think back of all the things you and I have gone through over the years and how helpful incredibly helpful you've been to flesh this stuff out and figure it out with me. So thank you for that.
• 21:23
  Kelly Hatfield: Oh, I'm happy and proud to be part of it. So thank you for inviting me into your into John Mitchell's world.
• 21:30
  John Mitchell: It's a scary place that one point twice. Okay, well until next time, we will see you.
• 21:43
  Kelly Hatfield: Thanks for listening today. If you've had your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So email us at Kelli at think it'd be att.com or John at think it'd be att.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life