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The Secret Thing Narcissists Need Most! · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  Narcissist value loyalty. You hear that, right?
• 0:06
  One of the things that a narcissist or a toxic person
• 0:09
  values the most from my partner, from anybody that's involved in
• 0:13
  their lives is untethered, unparalleled loyalty.
• 0:20
  That's what we're talking about today, y'all, Of course, if
• 0:22
  you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:23
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist myself, here to give you the
• 0:25
  inside look, the perspective, the mindset, the mentality of a
• 0:29
  narcissist. And we're gonna hop right into
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  it, y'all. Yes, I, I look, I already know
• 0:34
  I'm reading your mind right now. Yes, The, the diagnosed
• 0:37
  narcissist can read your mind. You know how you you know what I
• 0:40
  think you're thinking? You're thinking, Lee, what the
• 0:44
  hell are you talking about? They value loyalty, but they
• 0:48
  themselves are the most disloyal people on the planet.
• 0:53
  What kind of sense does that make?
• 0:56
  That makes zero sense. Lee.
• 0:58
  I'm logging off. I'm signing off.
• 1:00
  Goodbye. Good day, Sir.
• 1:03
  Hold up. Before you leave, let me
• 1:05
  explain. A lot of narcissistic people
• 1:08
  absolutely value loyalty while not giving it back.
• 1:14
  That's how it goes. Now, I'm one of the believers
• 1:17
  that not all narcissistic people cheat right now I'm one of the
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  believers that not every single narcissist on this planet has
• 1:22
  cheated or cheats. Right.
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  I know y'all y'all will push back on me against that, which
• 1:26
  is 100% fine. But I also believe that most
• 1:31
  narcissists are still doing other stuff right.
• 1:34
  Not necessarily cheating, but they're still being abusive in
• 1:36
  some way shape or form. Now that this other way
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  understand that I can value something and not get it.
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  Now I know. Yeah, I absolutely know that
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  sounds foolish, but in my mind, if I if I would have put on my
• 1:51
  narcissist hat, right? If I put on my narcissist hat,
• 1:54
  in my mind I'm thinking that like, hey, look, I don't want to
• 1:59
  feel the shame or the embarrassment or the pain of you
• 2:03
  leaving me or playing in my face.
• 2:05
  I don't want to feel that at all.
• 2:07
  That hurts. That sucks.
• 2:08
  I don't want to deal with that at all, 0%.
• 2:12
  But I, on the outside looking in, want my needs met in some
• 2:18
  way, shape or form. I need my needs to be met.
• 2:22
  So I'm going to get those needs met in some way, shape or form.
• 2:26
  And that means I might step outside the, I might step
• 2:28
  outside the relationship. I might be disloyal to you, but
• 2:33
  I don't want you to find out. I'm not going to come up to you
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  and tell you to your face and I'm doing it because that means
• 2:38
  that you might do it to me. I don't want you to do the same
• 2:42
  things to me that I'm doing to you.
• 2:43
  That's the mind of a lot of narcissists.
• 2:45
  Y'all feel like that? I don't.
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  I don't think that's hard to understand.
• 2:48
  That's how a lot of narcissists think.
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  I don't want you doing the same thing to me that I'm doing to
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  you. I don't want you to fight fire
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  with fire. I want you to fight fire with
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  nothing. I want you to watch look, I want
• 2:59
  you to watch it burn. I don't want you fighting fire
• 3:01
  with fire. I want you watching the stuff,
• 3:04
  watching things burn. That's what I want you to do.
• 3:08
  And I think that's what a lot of narcissists want right there.
• 3:10
  Y'all, they want loyalty, they want servants, they want yes men
• 3:14
  around them. This is why when you get when
• 3:17
  you, you might be involved with a narcissist, right?
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  This is why when you in a relationship dynamic with
• 3:22
  somebody who thinks and behaves and acts like this, they're
• 3:26
  like, This is why they lose it, right?
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  This is why they only surround themselves with people that are
• 3:34
  going to say yes. They only surround themselves
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  with people that are going to do what they want them to do.
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  They only surround themselves with people that are going to
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  literally go above beyond to defend their reputations, to
• 3:47
  enable their behaviors. Yes, men, This is why when you
• 3:50
  push back against a narcissist, when you try to hold them
• 3:52
  accountable, when you try to do or say something, they leave
• 3:55
  you. That's why they they kick you
• 3:57
  out of their inner circle. This is why they do it.
• 4:00
  They kick you out of their inner circle because you Who the hell
• 4:03
  bought accountability to the party, huh?
• 4:07
  Raise your hand. Who the hell in this room bought
• 4:10
  accountability to the party? I told y'all accountability is
• 4:14
  not allowed in this door. That who bought it.
• 4:16
  Raise your damn hands. You see what I'm saying?
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  I know that sounds stupid. I absolutely 100% know how
• 4:29
  ignorant that sounds, y'all. But when you're dealing with a
• 4:32
  narcissist, this is what you have to anticipate.
• 4:34
  This is what this is the type of stuff that you have to expect.
• 4:37
  They won't blind loyalty. They want flying monkeys.
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  They want enablers. They want people that they feel
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  like are going to be there with them regardless of what they do,
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  of what they say like so This is why you see a lot of times
• 4:55
  narcissist. They love their flying monkeys,
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  especially if you're the celebrity narcissist.
• 5:00
  Sidebar. If you get a celebrity
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  narcissist that has a bunch of flying monkeys like they have
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  like a cult like following. They love that because they know
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  no matter what they do, the narcissist, their supporters are
• 5:16
  going to make excuses for them. There's their supporters are
• 5:19
  going to jump in on the abuse. Their supporters are going to
• 5:23
  participate in the abuse in the in, in the toxicity, just in
• 5:29
  support of the narcissist. So yes, This is why they love
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  blind loyalty. This is why they like, This is
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  why I think, and I truly believe that every cult leader is
• 5:39
  narcissistic, highly narcissistic, might be a, might
• 5:42
  be psychopaths, right? I think every cult leader who
• 5:45
  expects, expects blind loyalty from their people, This is how
• 5:51
  they, this is how they go about doing it.
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  This is their mindset. This is their mentality.
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  They want to surround themselves with people who are always going
• 5:58
  to say yes, who are always going to do what they feel like is
• 6:00
  necessary to preserve the reputation and the esteem of the
• 6:04
  narcissist. This is how it goes.
• 6:07
  I feel like this is something you have to understand or you
• 6:10
  have to realize when you're dealing with somebody who thinks
• 6:12
  like this, who behaves like this, who acts like this.
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  This is the mindset. I want loyalty.
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  Look, another reason I want loyalty is because I'm afraid of
• 6:19
  getting abandoned. I like, I think a lot of nurses
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  have abandonment issues and always need external validation.
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  We cannot validate ourselves internally.
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  We can't do that. We cannot validate ourselves
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  internally, so we always need it from the external.
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  We always need validation from external sources, IE you.
• 6:41
  We need validation from you. So we if we get people that are
• 6:45
  blindly loyal to us and never hold us accountable and just do
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  what we asked them to do. No pushback man.
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  Give me break. Give me, give me, give me more
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  of that. I need more.
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  I need 10. I need, I need 15 vials of that
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  right there. I need it all because this is
• 7:03
  how we do. We want that loyalty.
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  Loyalty means loyalty equals validation.
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  That you are blindly loyal to me.
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  You validate how I feel. You validate how I act.
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  If I think I've done something wrong and you tell me that I
• 7:18
  haven't done anything wrong, you make excuses for my for my
• 7:21
  behavior, then I'm like hell yeah, more of you.
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  Give me 5 more of you. Give me 5 more people who act
• 7:28
  and behave exactly like you. Give me those people because
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  this is what narcissists seek. This is why they surround
• 7:35
  themselves with people that tell them what they want to hear, not
• 7:39
  what they need to hear. Hey, man, this is what like
• 7:43
  let's just say, let's the scenario.
• 7:45
  The scenario is like this. The narcissist cheated, right?
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  And I'm the, the I'm going to play the first.
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  I'm going to play the role of somebody trying to hold them
• 7:54
  accountable, telling them what they need to hear.
• 7:56
  And then I'm going to play the role of them telling something
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  that they want to hear. Need to hear what?
• 8:01
  Need to hear right here. You need to hear, hey, man, you
• 8:05
  got to stop cheating on your girl.
• 8:07
  She's going to end up leaving you.
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  And then you're going to be sitting here sad and lonely and
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  angry as hell when she ends up with somebody else.
• 8:13
  I feel like you need to take accountability for your actions
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  and your behaviors and just treat them better.
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  Treat her better, like be better, be a better person.
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  Do that. Like, otherwise you're going to
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  leave and you could be angry and upset and you're going to blame
• 8:25
  everybody else but yourself. Look, I love you.
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  I love you. I'm not I'm not gonna start
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  messing with you. I'm not gonna stop dealing with
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  you. But you have to change those
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  behaviors, bro. This doesn't work.
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  It reflects it reflects badly on the whole entire group.
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  Thank you. Seen that?
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  This is somebody blindly loyal. This is a family monkey right
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  here. The fly monkey version.
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  Hey, man, everybody cheats. Literally everybody cheats.
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  I just, I just when you called me and told me you got busted, I
• 8:53
  had just got through finished cheating.
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  Like everybody cheats. Why?
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  Like why can't like literally literally why can't your girl
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  just forgive you and move on? Like she is way too insecure.
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  Like if she was not insecure, y'all be great.
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  You're great. Shit.
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  She should be happy to have you. You ain't do nothing wrong.
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  Like she probably ain't gay. You probably ain't gave you no
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  cheeks in a long time so you had to go step outside.
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  Ain't nothing wrong with that. Ain't nothing wrong with that.
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  That me up. Look Yeah bro, I love you man.
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  Like we I'm here for you if you need me sing.
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  You see how different those reactions were right there?
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  You see the person, the first person told them what they
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  needed to hear to change their behaviors and be held
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  accountable. They they cut those people off.
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  Those people are booted. The second person told them what
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  they wanted to hear. It's not your fault you're the
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  victim here. And by the way, women can
• 9:44
  absolutely be narcissist. I just used the male version
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  male thing right there. Y'all there's women can be
• 9:48
  narcissist that shit. Anybody be narcissist you use
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  whatever whoever what whatever you identify as, whoever you
• 9:56
  identify as can be narcissistic. The whole LGBTQ IA, every one of
• 10:01
  those letters can be narcissist. Every single one of them,
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  everyone of them bisect. Yeah, everyone who can be
• 10:11
  narcissist, they don't know. You're not excluded here.
• 10:13
  It's all look, it's all inclusive of her exclusivity on
• 10:17
  this channel right here. Exclusivity that you can be a
• 10:19
  narcissist too. You can be narcissistic.
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  No, you ain't stepping away from this one.
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  But I'll tell y'all, this is the mentality, y'all.
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  I'm serious. But as things go on and you
• 10:30
  continue to move forward, you continue to grow and heal, you
• 10:32
  had to understand, but this is how narcissists operate.
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  They're going to keep operating like this because in their
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  minds, there's a benefit in it for them to behave this way.
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  They just absolutely is. So you have to empower yourself
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  if you have a person like in like loyalty is not just about
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  cheating. It could be about having friends
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  outside of relate having friends they that they don't like
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  talking to your parents. All this, this all that could be
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  considered disloyalty from a narcissist.
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  Like imagine you talking to your parents.
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  Is this disloyal to them? They won't blind loyalty cut
• 11:01
  everybody. I say off, you know what I mean.
• 11:04
  Here we go. I have to hop on a one-on-one
• 11:06
  right now on zoom. Hit the subscribe button if you
• 11:08
  don't, if you haven't already. Mental illness.net for my
• 11:11
  coaching, my courses, every single thing.
• 11:13
  My support group is popping. I'm out.
• 11:15
  Peace.