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What Does Mom Burnout Look Like? · Arise Women of God

• 0:00
  What does mom burnout look like?
• 0:03
  Well, have you ever snapped at your kids over something tiny like a spilled cup of milk or a drop spoon and immediately felt a wave of crushing guilt wondering what is wrong with me?
• 0:16
  Who is this angry person?
• 0:19
  Or maybe you don't yell at all.
• 0:21
  Maybe you just sit on the couch staring at your phone, completely numb, unable to muster the energy to even answer.
• 0:29
  What's for dinner?
• 0:31
  Most Christian moms assume that burnout looks like a dramatic tearful breakdown.
• 0:38
  But maternal burnout rarely announces itself with a warning siren.
• 0:43
  It kind of sneaks into your physical body, your emotional reactions, and your spirit until normal you feels like a distant memory.
• 0:54
  In this episode, licensed clinical social worker Wendy Christensen and I are unpacking what mom burnout actually looks like from both a clinical and a spiritual perspective.
• 1:07
  So you can stop carrying false shame and start giving your weary body and soul the exact relief you need.
• 1:15
  Stay tuned.
• 1:16
  Ordinary Women Extraordinary Faith When God calls, we say yes.
• 1:25
  Hello and welcome back to the Arise Women of God podcast by Women warriors of Light.
• 1:30
  I'm Tamara K.
• 1:31
  Andersen and together with my co founder Wendy Christensen, we help mothers dismantle chronic depletion and trade survival mode for Christ Centered Peace let's get into the four clear signs that you are running on empty.
• 1:48
  The first sign of burnout is an undeniable shift in how you show up, even each day.
• 1:55
  In the Old Testament, the Book of Ruth tells the story of Naomi.
• 2:00
  After years of famine, displacement, and burying her husband and two sons, Naomi finally journeyed back to her hometown of Bethlehem.
• 2:10
  The scriptures record that when she walked through the city gates, the women gathered around her in total shock, whispering, is this Naomi?
• 2:20
  Her demeanor, her posture, and her countenance had altered so radically that her lifelong friends barely recognized her.
• 2:30
  Naomi didn't put on a fake smile and pretend she had it all together.
• 2:34
  She openly named her reality Call me, not Naomi, which means pleasant.
• 2:40
  Call me Mara, which means bitter.
• 2:43
  For the Almighty hath dealt very bitter bitterly with me.
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  I went out full and the Lord hath brought me home again, empty.
• 2:52
  Oh my sisters.
• 2:53
  Burnout visibly alters a mother's countenance.
• 2:57
  You don't feel pleasant.
• 2:59
  You feel depleted.
• 3:01
  You become hyperreactive, irritable, and disconnected from your own family.
• 3:07
  Listen to how Wendy describes this clinical personality shift.
• 3:12
  Part of that goes along with recognizing you and what normal you looks like.
• 3:17
  And when normal you is not showing up, you're starting to probably go into burnout, right?
• 3:22
  You're going to notice some behavioral shifts, like is your daily routine changing those things you normally do your structure, does that change then?
• 3:31
  That could be a sign of some burnout, maybe your emotional reactivity.
• 3:35
  Do you notice you're just really angry at the drop of a pin or drop of a hat, I guess we say.
• 3:41
  And what are my interactions with my kids looking like?
• 3:43
  Am I connecting with them?
• 3:45
  Am I not connecting with them at all?
• 3:47
  If you are angry at the drop of a hat or avoiding eye contact with your kids, that's not a character flaw, it's your check engine light flashing that you have zero fuel left in the tank.
• 3:59
  The second sign of mom burnout is intensely physical sensory overload, which I'm very familiar with due to having kids on the autism spectrum.
• 4:09
  When my children were little and I was in the thick of non stop caregiving, my sweet daughter would often come up and ask if she could play with my hair.
• 4:18
  But there were days when I physically could not tolerate it.
• 4:22
  I had been touched, leaned on, climbed over and interrupted for 12 straight hours and my skin felt raw.
• 4:31
  Having anyone touch my scalp at that moment felt completely unbearable and I had to tell her no.
• 4:38
  Fast forward decades later and recently she asked if she could braid my hair like hers into cute little braids.
• 4:44
  I smiled and said sure, I'd love that.
• 4:46
  She actually stopped and looked at me in surprise and said, really?
• 4:51
  You never liked having your hair done when I was little?
• 4:53
  Her comment stopped me in my tracks and looking back, I realized it wasn't that I didn't love my daughter or want connection with her.
• 5:04
  I was in severe unaddressed sensory overload and maternal burnout.
• 5:10
  I was touched out.
• 5:12
  Now today I'm in a healthier place and she can braid my hair whenever she wants.
• 5:16
  Listen to what Wende has to say clinically about this physical overload.
• 5:22
  And just like our kids can be overloaded, you can also be touched out or sensory overloaded as well physically.
• 5:31
  And that could be like maybe you might flinch from a touch.
• 5:35
  Maybe those kids have been touching you so much that they go to touch you again and you're just like, oh, leave me alone.
• 5:41
  That could be a sign of burnout or snapping at a background noise.
• 5:44
  You hear this noise going all the time in the background and maybe it just gets to that point where you're just like, I can't handle it anymore.
• 5:51
  Or retreating into that physical isolation where you just don't want to be around anyone and you just are isolating nothing wrong.
• 5:59
  Just recognize it for what it is.
• 6:01
  When your nervous system is in fight or flight, your brain registers ordinary domestic noise, clinking silverware crying cartoon music As a physical attack, that rage or urge to flinch is an involuntary emergency brake pulling back to protect you.
• 6:23
  The third sign of burnout is something King David captured with painful accuracy in Psalm 38:10.
• 6:31
  My heart panteth, my strength faileth me.
• 6:35
  As for the light of mine eyes, it is also gone from me.
• 6:39
  Oh my sisters.
• 6:40
  When the inner spark or light leaves a mother's eyes, her body often moves past the fight stage, the yelling, the frustration, and collapses straight into freeze stays.
• 6:53
  You stop engaging.
• 6:54
  You check out mentally and in our modern world, the most common way we mothers enter the free state is through our smartphones.
• 7:03
  Here's what Wendy observes in her clinical counseling practice.
• 7:08
  Another one could be the freeze or shutdown state.
• 7:11
  Burnout isn't always yelling.
• 7:13
  It could also be a complete shutdown.
• 7:16
  And we probably all experience that when you freeze, withdrawing and not wanting to be around anyone or be around your kids and really isolating yourself.
• 7:27
  We take our phones and we scroll on Instagram or social media or even Pinterest.
• 7:33
  And there's nothing wrong with that as a break.
• 7:36
  But if you find yourself doing it constantly and all the time, we call it disassociative scrolling where you're, you're actually almost mind numbing.
• 7:46
  You're using it to numb your mind.
• 7:48
  And you could be an hour could go by and you didn't even realize it because your brain just is trying to escape and get away from things and your, your mind just kind of blacks out and you just
• 8:00
  get lost in it.
• 8:01
  Just be aware of it that, hey, my brain is probably shutting down.
• 8:05
  If you're getting into that space and doing it a lot, you might be trying to pull away.
• 8:11
  You're burned out.
• 8:13
  Notice that clinical phrase dissociative scrolling?
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  That isn't laziness or lack of discipline.
• 8:19
  It's a depleted brain desperately building a mental shelter because the sensory demands of real life have exceeded your capacity.
• 8:29
  The fourth sign is what clinicians call executive dysfunction or what moms call sudden brain fog.
• 8:38
  Wendy's now going to explain why that happens in the home.
• 8:42
  It could also be maybe some executive dysfunction or decision paralysis.
• 8:48
  So that means we have a decision that we're trying to make and you can't make it.
• 8:52
  And you keep thinking over and over and over the same stuff, and you're just struggling to make any type of decision, and therefore you're stuck.
• 9:00
  You can't move forward.
• 9:01
  You're not really going backwards, but you're not also moving forward.
• 9:04
  That could be another sign of burnout.
• 9:07
  You could be struggling with basic tasks like what's for dinner?
• 9:12
  And be like I have no idea.
• 9:15
  Oh my friend.
• 9:16
  When your survival brain, the amygdala is flooded with stress hormones, the rational decision making prefrontal cortex shuts down.
• 9:26
  You can't make dinner plans because your neurological circuits are simply overloaded.
• 9:32
  If you recognize yourself in any any of these four signs today, if you feel like Naomi standing in your own kitchen whispering I feel empty.
• 9:42
  If you are flinching from touch or other overloads, if you're zoning out on your phone, or if you're frozen in decision paralysis, please hear this truth.
• 9:53
  Your exhaustion is not a character flaw and it is not a lack of faith.
• 9:59
  You were never meant to to carry the crushing weight of your household in isolation.
• 10:06
  Acknowledging that you are on empty is not giving up.
• 10:10
  It is the holy humble starting place where God steps in to replenish your soul.
• 10:18
  Recognizing burnout is step one, but you also need a step by step roadmap to climb out of the fog.
• 10:25
  Wendy and I created a brand new completely free booklet called the Mom's Burnout Reset Guide.
• 10:31
  Trading Survival Survival Mode for Christ Centered Peace Inside, we walk you through practical clinically backed faith filled tools including the 90 second anti rage reset and the Burnout Script how to tell your husband exactly what percentage of your
• 10:48
  battery you have left without arguing or feeling misunderstood.
• 10:54
  Click the direct link right below this video to grab your own copy of the Mom's Book Burnout Reset Guide.
• 11:01
  Oh my sister.
• 11:02
  Rest is not a reward you have to earn after every single chore is finished.
• 11:08
  It is a sacred gift you can receive at any time.
• 11:12
  So take a deep breath and let the Savior help shoulder your load today.
• 11:19
  He can help you survive one moment at his time as you turn to him and listen as he teaches you how to take better care of your body and soul.
• 11:30
  May God bless you my dear friend and until next time, may you arise and do life with Him.
• 11:37
  God Strong.
• 11:39
  If today's episode helped you feel a little closer to God, please like and subscribe.
• 11:45
  It helps us grow and ensures Heaven's whispers stay at the top of your feed whenever you need them most.