Latest / The Pork Roll, Egg, And Cheese Podcast / Swallowed Gum & Pool Pee

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Swallowed Gum & Pool Pee · The Pork Roll, Egg, And Cheese Podcast

• Shamus: Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Pork Roll Egg and Cheese Podcast. My name is Seamus. And Herbie: And I'm her baby. Shamus: as always, you could be anywhere in the world, but you're here chilling with your crew. And for that, we thank you. Today's show is sponsored by Tattooing Body Art. Go see our buddy Brett or one of his highly talented artists for all your tattoo needs. With two locations in Browns Mills and Wright's town, they cover everything to first timers to sleeves to huge back tattoos. And every tattoo is a true masterpiece. You can contact them through Facebook and Instagram. And remember there are no piercings there. Also want to give a big shout out to Brett and Mike on their podcast. Yeah, yeah. Booze and tattoos. Yeah. I finally caught up with some of their episodes. if you guys are into tattoos, any four listeners out there, you gotta check out his pod, man. Those guys cause they're a video podcast too. And he puts up work that People like some of his friends do, people around the country. And some of the stuff they're doing with tattoos nowadays is just absolutely ridiculous. We you came over and I showed it to you before we started doing this one. that Jaws tattoo, I think Goldie G. Yeah, I think I forget what her Instagram was. Yeah. It looked like a goddamn photo. It was absolutely ridiculous. Herbie: Yeah. And it's a funny show too. Like Brett's always been like a funny guy anyway. Shamus: yeah, yeah. They bring a lot of yeah. They bring a lot of information to the show. They they we have a lot in common with those guys when it comes to how you know the music they listen and the movies they like and stuff like that. And some of the guests they have on. like I said, I'm always a curious guy and I could never draw. I suck as an artist. I wish I could because I I do think I'm kind of creative in that way. Herbie: So you definitely are drawing your own children's book then. Shamus: yeah. Well I might have to get one of those guys and, you know, maybe put the thing together we were talking about over the weekend. But yeah, those guys do incredible work and like all the artists that he has on, some of his guests. Yeah. You know, it was very informative stuff. So make sure you're giving those guys a listen. Herbie: seem like n is not only just like like Brett is a solid guy, Mike looks like a great guy too, but they have like other guests that are like nice people too. So it's not it's it's Shamus: Absolutely. Absolutely. Herbie: definitely a very watchable and relatable show for a lot of people. Shamus: Yes, sir. So make sure you're giving those guys a listen. Also want to give a shout out to the exciting and new podcast. those guys pretty much gave us our start. Gave us the idea to start this. So and Yeah, they just had my buddy Troy up there. I think that episode just dropped the what we were watching. Herbie: Another one Wednesday too, I believe. Shamus: Yeah. So Andy, Dana and Jason are killing it. Maybe not all the time. Some of the ratings they give are booty, but Herbie: And hit their mail boxes too 'cause they they want Shamus: Yeah, yeah, those guys are screaming, nobody hits their mailbox. So, you know, any four listeners out there ain't got nothing to do, hit me off on my mailbox and I'll give you your email address. I I forget what it is right now. So big shout out to those guys. So pretty successful Labor Day weekend this weekend, buddy. it's funny, this episode is a couple days after Labor Day weekend 'cause this won't drop until Thursday. Yeah. Had some people over. We finally, for all those people out there who were busting my balls, I have this gorgeous ass pool that nobody was in all summer. Yep. Like one lady came over during a barbecue I had. Yeah. it was my nephew's dad's girlfriend or fiance or whatever. she's like, Can I put your f my feet in your pool? And I was just like, Yeah, that's probably the only body part that's been in there all summer. So finally I started having calcium buildup on the side of the pools. Yeah. Because of salt water. Yeah. And when I asked the a big shout out to Jersey Pools and Spiles up on Stokes Roads in Medford. We our last episode we were talking about customer service. Yeah. Those people are amazing. They always have a smile on their face. Yeah. it doesn't matter if it's a teenage kid or I think a wife and husband own it. They're all across the board, they are very friendly and amazing people. They always greet you when you come in. they give you the best advice. amazing people. But I told her I was having the one I guess she's manager. Yeah. I told her what was going on with my pool. Like, I'm starting to get salt built up on the side. And she was just like, okay, well, can you pick them off? Do they just come off? And I was Yeah. And she was just How often do you use your pool? And I was like, Never. She was Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: like, What do you mean? I was nobody's been in. She was like, That's the problem. You gotta get some people in there to get that water moving. Like the filter's just not enough. Yeah. So I called two of our previous guests. Charlene bought her daughter over, and Kim bought three of her kids over. And I was like, get in there and Start getting going. Herbie: Well actually not too, man. I I've been guilty of it because like you've always invited all of us, especially like the group that we all hang out with, to come over and w we say yeah, and we never do. Shamus: we get next to the pool. We sit at the table next to the pool, but we just never get in it. so yeah, so you know, we threw some hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill and had a good time and stuff. But the reason why I mention all this is because during that barbecue and I thought about it after our last episode, 'cause we were looking for ideas. when the kids got done eating, they were all just sitting at the table and I was like and me and you were sitting off on the far side and I was just like, Is that still a thing? Yeah. And you're like what? And I was like, No swimming for a half hour after you eat. Yeah. Herbie: 'Cause as soon as they got done chucking down the burgers, they're ready to jump out. Shamus: Yeah. So like me and you, I've never had kids. Yeah. I mean, I So like we just kinda sat there and one of I think it was either Kim or Charlene was just like, What are you guys talking about? We're like, Is that still a thing? Like da da da. And they were just like, Yay, when we are kids of something, but it's not d it's false or something like that. Like you know, they say you would cramp up or and I was just like, Well maybe parents just told us that because as you're swimming, you're so excited and you might throw back up in a pool or something like that. But it it got me thinking like some of the ridiculous shit we were told as kids. Yeah. To like, you know I guess they thought it would be better for our health or shit they sold us 'cause they just didn't want to deal with us and now if we scare them straight, they won't do it. Yeah. That's a good So we got so we got a list of stuff here that and if if if you think of anything, just blurt it out. Yeah. But we have a list of some of the stuff we were told as kids. You know, this bill of goods that Just a bunch of bullshit. Yeah, so apparently no swimming after eating. I remember my god, they were Nazis about Hell yeah. Herbie: Right had to wait like a half And it was like not just twenty minutes. You legit thirty minutes. Shamus: Yeah, it was like somebody had a timer somewhere. Yeah. And you would just watch the water slowly calm down as you were just sitting like at your patio table, like Yeah. And like no kid ever sat there and talked or like, let's do something else while we're waiting. We all just sat there and just watched the water. Herbie: It's almost like you're like having a dog and they're just watching you eat and you're just waiting for it to throw a frickin' sausage in their mouth. Shamus: Yeah, I just remember that. I I'll tell you what, because everybody I knew, both McWilliams grandparents, the mod is and the Mc Yeah, and the McWilliams is, they were Yeah. Holy cra pop the cop, they used to call him. He was a Philadelphia cop, Terry's dad. Yeah. Bro, don't even think about looking at that pool for 30 minutes. Like we would just sit there, like you're like, what are you doing? Herbie: You know what? That doesn't make sense. Because like if you really think about it, they of course if they puke in it, I mean like the pool's ruined. Even back in the day, dude, just trying to clean out puke. I mean I can understand like in freaking what was it, Caddy Shack? Well yeah, with the Snickers bar. Shamus: not the t yeah. We almost had that happen here the other day. She was like Mom, I gotta go to the bathroom She like, Go to the bathroom. She's like, I've got to poop 'cause she was like a little girl and I was like Herbie: Certainly that'd be just a little tootyroll, but yeah, they don't want that swimming around in the Shamus: Well that's a that's another thing. You know it's a problem because most kids are just like, All right man, fuck it, I'm just gonna piss in the spool. I'll just act like I'm sitting here doggy paddle or something and I'll just piss and then just kinda but when when the k little kid walks up like mommy I got a fancy I'm like, that's a deuce. Herbie: yeah. Yep. Actually that's another one too, man. If you think about it, is it like like the those chemicals that can detect like urine that Shamus: That was another myth. My neighbor across the street, Mr. Finn, had a pool. And I think we had a pool. We had a three foot pool, like one of them above ground pools when I was a kid. My parents always said we put them tablets in a pool. So if you pee in a pool, it'll turn the water around you blue. Yeah. And I they kind of spoofed that on grown ups. Yeah. Like all the blue ones. Well that makes sense. But that was a myth too. That shit never existed. Either that or it did, and the companies were selling bullshit to our parents. Herbie: True too. They're like, Yeah, buy these tablets. It's just like regular, I don't know, dissolvable crap. Shamus: But then like you never knew if the parent was lying. Like the parent could know about it and just go, I put that shit in the pool, man. Like, all right. Herbie: 'Cause they were th they were like y when we were kids the parents were like the freaking internet. They were your source of information. Shamus: No doubt. Herbie: Tell me about the world, mommy and pay. Shamus: Not only that, but I was always taught to respect my elders and they always have your best interest. Don't talk to strangers, obviously. But like my neighborhood was pretty tight. Yeah. Like I grew up in an all American neighborhood where you know, Memorial Day, the whole neighborhood got together and barbecued and stuff like that. It was like it was like a Norman Rockwell like sandlot type fucking neighborhood. All the kids played together and shit. so like we never questioned any of the parents in our neighborhood because they hung out with our parents and our parents fucking knew everything. So Yeah, but yeah, that was another myth too. my god. Herbie: Yeah. Mind blown. Shamus: No, no doubt. Yeah, but the swimming after eating thing always. 'Cause then you look back on it and there was a quote by Deion Sanders. Uhhuh. When Deion Sanders went to the the combine. Okay. When he was coming out of college, they said that dude just walked in. He didn't do any of the other shit. Like all he did was a forty yard dash. He said he walked in, took his shit off, walked to the front of the line, looked at the guy, went, Time it, and just ran. Clocked him and he just ran right out of the tunnel, got back in his limo and left. And people are like, damn, that dude didn't even stretch. So when they caught up with him at the airport, they're like, yo, you didn't even stretch. He's like, You see a cheetah stretch before he runs? Like if he's getting ready to attack prey, do you ever see him stretch? Yeah. So I always thought to myself, I'm like, yeah, if a cheetah's eating something and has to haul ass, it's not like he's gonna wait a half hour to jump across his lake. So yeah, I the the swimming pills that make your pee turn blue, I've never seen to this day. I know like I said, the movie Grown Ups did it, but I think that was a bunch of books. And then no swimming after eating for half an hour. Herbie: I g I guess that makes sense, you know, for parents wanting to, you know, prolong the safety of the pool. The sanit the sanitation or sanitary aspect of the pool with like no Shamus: pool. It doesn't matter. Those kids are we are still peeing in pools and shit, man. It doesn't matter. Like Herbie: I never peed in a pole. Shamus: I said, when we go up to the fourth of July party at the wax car factory, you see all those kids in that pool, I'm like Yeah, I'm not getting that shit. Yeah. Herbie: Actually wearing like the friends and stuff, like the little the little like the baby diapers and stuff. man. Yeah, now I gotta Okay. Shamus: I'm good. I'm good. Like I said, with the four or five kids I had in here yesterday, I'm closing that shit next weekend so I'm not getting Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: it's getting sterile. Like I gotta they they tell you to bounce it out like chemical wise, drain it down a little bit and then pump that shit out. Yay. Herbie: Well you know what we could do, man? We could probably, you know, d maybe I could get that paddle boat I saw on Facebook Marketplace, pop it in there and just paddle around. Shamus: There you go. Herbie: Hell yeah, man. Churn it up. Shamus: Another thing I noticed yester when we had them over was they were making faces at each other, the the sisters and stuff. And somebody said it, You keep making that face, it'll stay that way and I like, my god, there's another one I remember nuns used to tell me that at St. Pete's, especially when you used to cross your eyes at people Herbie: Yeah, I'm gonna speed like that. Shamus: I was like, man, that's still around 49 years later. They're still using that shit. Because it was in that movie One Crazy Summer with the twins were making their face at the dog and the guy smacks them on the back and their face stays like Herbie: As we try to explain that in the ER like what happened to your eyeballs? Shamus: My mom told me it would happen. Yeah. I didn't listen. Herbie: She was right. Shamus: Yeah, don't cross your eyes, it'll stay that way. Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: I'll tell you what, I I went to school with a dude. He had the eyes that were crossed, but he had the big glance. And I was like, shit, it's true, man. Herbie: Well you did it did it once he was Shamus: I didn't have the cause you don't want to be mean. I know they say kids are cruel, but you don't want to ask. My buddy, like he didn't care about anything. We sent him over to ask. I'm like, yo, ask him how long his shit was like that before it got stuck. That Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: way we could time it so we could be like Yeah. Herbie: Does it wear off? Shamus: He said, Yo, he was born with that shit. I was like, he must have been doing it in the womb now. Herbie: Technic yeah. Yeah, actually actually getting back to that, maybe like when the stork dropped him off, you know, 'cause that was another one. Yeah. Shamus: There's another myth Storks and babies. Yeah. I'm like, so you mean to tell me some fucking birds drop me off here? Cause this is a shitty part of northeast Philly. They're not shooting at that fucking thing? Yeah. Certain like not to be racist or anything like that, but certain minorities in my neighborhood eat these fucking things. They're not like get that way Herbie: A baby comes with Shamus: fucking slingshots and shit out of it, like arrows and fucking bullets. Herbie: Hey man, storks storks probably roasted stork probably tastes good, man. Shamus: Hell yeah storks. Herbie: Yeah. I I honest yeah. That's actually something that we gotta research or chat GPT or whatever. Shamus: Well, you work at a hospital and you know this. I actually have one. I have to find it. I was in the back of an ambulance when a kid was born. Uhhuh. Back in my days when I used to be a fireman and all that shit like that when I was in high school. they had like the junior fireman program before I went in military. Yeah. Which actually kind of started my illustrious career in public service. But I was actually in the back of an ambulance when a lady gave birth. So they give you if you deliver, if you're there, they give you a stork pin. really? And it's kind of a big deal. So I have one around here somewhere. I gotta find it. Herbie: shit. Shamus: But yeah, I never understood the concept of storks. So I mean especially like what if a plane comes by and you know, like a bird strike and gets sucked up in the Herbie: Or like how they messed up my goddamn Amazon package and delivered it the wrong house or something. Shamus: Yeah, what if a stork gets disoriented? Yeah. Drops off I think that was a Tom and Jerry episode. I think where Yeah, Herbie: Yeah, like a like that. Shamus: somebody like a different animal got like a cat got dropped off at a dog's house or something like that. And then Herbie: Bugs Bunny did it too, where it was like these big gorillas and stuff like that, and the stork dropped Bugs Bunny off. And Shamus: yeah, that's right. Herbie: the father was like, What the hell's good with it? We got a rabbit and it's like, it's our it's our the mu of course the mother was protective, it's our son. Shamus: I was gonna say, Who you been running around with, Ethel? You been fucking them rabbits? Herbie: Rabbits bang everything else, man. I don't know. What's like another like Shamus: Hey, let me check these off. There's a couple of I got a buttload of them. Herbie: because like you really think about like the it's just like those I think those little little white lies that pay parents would say would just like help guide kids not puking or pissing or shitting in a in a pool or you know, just not making you know, being nice and not being, you know, a little butthead making faces at people all the time. So that's probably why they said, you know. Shamus: When video games first came out, ColecoVision, Atari, and then I know I used to do it, especially on Saturday mornings with wrestling and cartoons and stuff like that, my parents used to freak out because me and my brother and sister would be like two inches off the TV screen and like, back up, you're gonna burn your eyes out. Herbie: Ha ha ha. Shamus: And I'm like, how? Like, how does that work? And we'd have to back up and they're like, came back 'cause we would just scooch back like an inch. And they're like, boo, you better get to get the Herbie: That's probably think about too for like for the parents again. It's probably cause the kids, it's almost like so I so so I married an axe murderer that, you know, head was sitting in front of the freaking TV and blocking the TV because, you know, back in the day, you know, it wasn't like the movie setting types of home entertainment systems, you know, the whole family would watch and the kids are in front watching and the parents can't even see anything. Shamus: Well, not only that, but if you really think about it, and I'm kind of looking it up as I'm talking here, we grew up in the eighties, so like TVs weren't really prevalent in the house until like I they said it was invented in twenty nineteen twenty six, but they said it really came popularity in the forties when people could start affording it. Yeah. And then like up until like the seventies, people only had one TV in the house, and it was like a giant chunk of furniture in your living room. so in our parents' defense, I'll give it to them. We really didn't in in the early eighties, late seventies, we really didn't know too much still about TVs. Yeah. 'Cause they were relatively young. They were only like twenty, thirty years old. Giving So they were just like yeah, they just thought like, my God, you know. Herbie: It's got plutonium in the TV set, it's gonna melt my f faces. Shamus: And then what really freaked my parents out was that poltergeist when like the thing came out of the T V and shit, they were like, Get away from it. The evil's in the box. I'm like, What? The evil's upstairs. Jamie's upstairs cleaning her room. What are you talking about? So Herbie: Like how do you explain that too, losing your kid in a r in a T V Yeah, that movie Shamus: Yeah, that freaks some people out, man. Yeah, so yeah, back up away from the TV, you'll burn your eyes out. my god. That and the whole and this actually was true. My parents were like, turn that goddamn radio down, you're gonna burn your hearing. You'll you'll lose your hearing. And people actually do lose their hearing, man. So that wasn't a you know that wasn't bull. Herbie: Especially like the headphones and stuff like that, 'cause people would just blare the headphones 'cause you're just like shocked. You're just Shamus: I'm not gonna lie, dude, I am shocked that I still have great hearing because the music I listened to as a kid, like you said, I would just cause my parents, there was three of us in a ha in a row home before we moved to Jersey. so everybody had to be quiet. So everybody had headphones. Yeah. And like I would plug the headphones into a beep my boom box. My brother had like we had like that little radio entertainment center thing in our room. And he would plug into that, my sister had it 'cause nobody wanted to listen to each other's shit. Yeah. And I would play us at and back then there was no like your volume's too loud, you know, recommended. And then when I got over here I started playing drums and never and I always cranked music when I did that or like even you know, my monitor so I can hear everybody else. That was always cranked. I love loud music. And then in the military with all the explosions, the gunfire. yeah. And then in those, you know, with law enforcement, you gotta qualify to rank you're constantly shooting there and da da da and they make you wear earmuffs, but I mean this shit ain't nothing. So I'm really shocked and blessed that I still have my hearing because yeah, that was no bullshit. Like a lot of people have problems hearing. Herbie: Actually, you what, speaking of mentioned the earmuffs, like another myth would be like, you know, your parents are like earmuffs and you put your ears over your head and you hear your parents going fuck motherfuck rah rah rah like you're not gonna hear them curse. Shamus: But I guess they thought every wall in our house in the row home, like even Riverside was soundproof. Yeah. Like, go to your room, you don't want to hear this. And then when you go upstairs, we had you heard the whole we had forced heat. So like there was holes in the floor with vents that were like the heat would just rise her down. And they were like as soon as you they wait for that. And when the door shut, they're like, I have a fucking like you you were right above and heard everything. Yeah. Herbie: And it was like the whole house it was quiet because you'd actually listen to every god. Yeah. It's true though. The Shamus: Yeah. Herbie: kids ain't the kids didn't hear us. I'm like, okay. Shamus: Earmouth thing. speaking of earmuffs, talking about weather. Do you remember you can't go outside with wet hair, you'll catch a cold, you'll catch your death. Yeah. Herbie: It's like what is what is that? Shamus: That and I remember that was a big one and we had this big cast iron They of course everything comes back around. Yeah. they're the ones with the barefoot that you see at Home Depot now for like eleven hundred hours. Ours was like from the forties when we lived in our row home and shit. And cast iron, it was gorgeous. my parents were just like in the summertime it's that's when you know thunderstorms are prevalent and we could not Get in a tub or take a shower because we did have a stand-up shower in it. Right. You couldn't take a shower or get in a tub during a thunderstorm because lightning will come through the window and stay. And I'm like, that's some bullshit. My dad was like, A kid down the street was killed when I was a kid. And then that came right through the window and hit him. But I'm like, Really? That made a right on Oriana Street up Juniper Avenue and right through the goddamn window of his room. Herbie: Yeah. It's true it happened. Shamus: I'm sure it probably did, but I mean like Herbie: never don't. I 'cause if it's if it zaps a house, like, you know, if you're I don't know. I don't well I don't know the dynamics of electrical energy pulsing. Shamus: I've never heard of a of a bolt of lightning going through a window and hitting a tub though. Like it'll hit a half and Herbie: Like if it connects. Shamus: back in our day we had the T V antennas on the roof. So they usually got hit. So Herbie: Yeah. It didn't blow out TVs though, right? It I don't think it did. You know what I mean? Like shit, you know what I mean? Shamus: No, I don't think so. Yeah. Our house was actually the house we bought in Riverside, when we got it kind of cheap because apparently some kid did get hit. He was there was a tree on the front lawn before that big deck was built. There was a front lawn there. apparently he pulled his dirt bike up there. Yeah. And he was waiting for the storm to pass and lightning hit the tree and a tree branch came down and killed him. Wow. Right on the front lawn there. Herbie: I've seen stuff, you know, with the the the trees and stuff getting hit. But I I guess like the lightning just burns right through it and it just goes I guess from contact to ground it just travels through. You know what I mean? And just burns everything and of course gonna send frickin' lumber hurling at some Shamus: Yeah, free firewood and shit. Yeah. So but yeah, the couldn't take a couldn't take a bath or a shower during a thunderstorm and and then when you dig it out if it was cold outside, you can't go outside with wet hair. That's crazy. Herbie: Or actually what is it? Like eat all your food or cause there's they're starving. But we're Shamus: How many Herbie: having Chinese food tonight. Shamus: Well, it was always a different content because when I was a kid in this you know, the first memories I have of that was like eighty two, eighty three and I like five, six years old. Make sure you eat everything or starving kids in China and stuff like that. But then when live aid and shit dropped, yeah, then it was like they're starving kids in Africa. And I'm like, Well what happened to the fucks in China? Herbie: They only get to eat one? Shamus: Are we not giving them sympathy either or are they just dead of starvation by now? Herbie: I'm like it's too late. See Johnny, you should have ate all your peas. my god. Shamus: God, I hate that that whole conversation just brought back that God bless my parents. They were both working parents. and we never starved or anything like that. I'm not I'm not saying that, but man, everything was canned vegetables, man. Like our vegetable portion was always in a can and god to this day I still Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: Everything else was good, but when you get like canned peas or like everything is just mush, man. You're just like what the Herbie: Yeah. Actually I used to have to beat I remember when I was a kid and mom mom had peas for dinner. She was like, You gotta you gotta you gotta eat these because if not, you're not gonna go and play. So basically, Shamus: yeah. So couldn't you couldn't leave the table to your Herbie: yeah. So basically what I did was this one store, like I I ate the peas, but I I squallowed them. I didn't chew them up or nothing because I thought they were nasty. So then of course when nature called I'm a little kid. I'm freaking out. I'm like, Mom. I was like, look at this. What happened to my you know my what happened to my poo? And she's and she just looked at she started laughing. She's You never chewed those damn peas, did you? I still got to play though. Shamus: And it's amazing to me because I love vegetables. I love fresh vegetables or frozen vegetables, but to this day, like ShopRite still does the can can and every once in a while they just bought back the eighties video where the girls are with their legs. Herbie: Can't Shamus: My mom used to go nuts. my god, the can can tail. And she would go in. My mom, bro. Herbie: Two Shamus: Yep. They like twenty five cents a can back then. I think they're like a dollar twenty now. She would go in there just load up and I'm like, these motherfuckers. Herbie: Y'all. Shamus: And then of course after I graduated from the mil like I graduated from high school and went to the military they never bought another canned diet. Those fucks always got like frozen vegetables and shit. And I mean well, my dad was retired and my mom was coming to the end of it and her career and all that shit. I'm like, deez. Herbie: I think it evolved after a while 'cause like people got away from using cans 'cause there was other like means like available. Shamus: Well not only that, but then like in the nineties, that's when the health kick there's too many preservatives and that and da da da. Or like even with fucking cat food and dog food, it was just kinda like, it's chicken by product, you can't eat that, your dogs can't eat that, dah dah da da and them. So yeah, but yeah, man, that just bought back memories. Herbie: Yeah, can't eat can't eat eggs. Eggs are you know, too much eggs, eggs are bad for ya. Shamus: Yeah, but now they tell you to just take the yolk out of or whatever. They're it's good cholesterol now. Everything it it always goes back and forth. let's see what else we got here. Ooh Speaking of eating, if you swallow that gum, it'll take you seven years to digest it. Herbie: Is it okay, I'm cause I'm still like Shamus: That is a myth. Really? Yes. Well, Herbie: How long does it say? Well, I don't know. How long Shamus: have you ever they just it was just recently, I don't know how many years ago, they had that piece of gum in somebody's mouth and he was just like, All right. And the guy goes, he was like, just swallow his buddy said, swallowing. And you see the gum waving as he's walking down the tunnel and goes, I see it seven That's a myth. Nothing stays in your body and your digestive tract for seven years. So But my parents that's another thing I couldn't understand because they were like, You can't chew gum in school. Which is fine. But if you walked into school and they were just like, Get rid of it. Herbie: Yeah, like there were there was not really Shamus: So you couldn't swallow it because it would take seven years. You couldn't put it under the desk 'cause they would freak out about that. If you got and I went to cash school, if you got up to go get a tissue to spit it in to throw it out, they would fucking whack you with a roll. Why you getting up? What the hell am I supposed to do with this shit? Herbie: Other other place would actually have like those what is it, the ashtrays, like the tall column ashtrays. my god. Shamus: Yeah. Right. So what I used to do was I was a little skeezy bastard. I would fucking before I went into the courtyard at Saint Henry's, I would like and take my gum out and stick it on the pole. And then when I was leaving for school it was still there, I'd just rip it off. Now this is on the corner of I want to say Fifth and Cayuda in Northeast Philly. Yeah. And there wasn't so much meth going on back then but there was like a hot homeless people in that area. So I and me just being a kid was just like just grabbed it, put it back in my mouth and my brother be like, dude. Herbie: You imagine like the commercial, like there might be like that one homeless guy that's to watch you do it and then he just warms up Shamus: Well not only that, but my skills are also a fucking drunk homeless dude just leans on the pole. Yeah. And he's got whatever on his hands and then le and then you come up the next morning just pfft and I was like, I ain't thinking about that shit. Herbie: Baby he likes gum too, so as soon as you popped it on the thing and went in the went into the school, he's out Shamus: he took a couple chews in it? Herbie: and he was just like eating it for like the whole school shift and he was like, Wait a minute, school's getting ready to open up, close the Yeah, let me Shamus: Yeah, well. Herbie: put it back. He's all like using his dirty sleeve to like Shamus: I'm pretty confident he wasn't coming back with it. He probably just, you know, disal filled me up for seven years. Herbie: Yeah, I won't have to worry Shamus: Yeah. I'm good for seven years. Herbie: about eating. man, I bet you that's I betcha that gum still got sugar in it. Mmm time Shamus: Speaking of Catholic school, another thing they hated unless they were doing it with their rulers was when you crack your knuckles. huh. Them nuns used to be like, it's so bad. Don't you crack your knuckles, that'll give you arthritis. Yeah, right. Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: And I was just like, What? What is arthritis? Yeah. I'm Herbie: Exactly. Shamus: seven years old. I don't Yeah. I'm I think we got a little bit of time before I have to worry. Herbie: Like so I'm gonna get arthritis like when I'm eighty. I think that sounds about natural. Shamus: Yeah, don't crack your knuckles because it'll give you arthritis. Meanwhile, my dad was a mechanic. Yeah. And the first thing he did when he walked in the door and I was like, crack all his knuckles. Yeah, 'cause he's always jamming his fingers on wrenches or see I'm just kinda like, my God, you're gonna get arthritis, dude. Herbie: Dad has arthritis. Shamus: I don't think my dad ever did though. I mean he's dead now, but I don't think he ever had a day of arthritis in his life. Jeez. And it well one thing that did work against him, and it this might be true, because he started smoking when he was like Christ. I mean he was born in 41, 42. So like he was smoking when he was like 10 years old. Right. And he smoked Camelon filters, but they always said this is another thing. I couldn't drink coffee, and obviously he couldn't smoke cigarettes, but I couldn't drink coffee or smoke because It'll stunt your growth. Yeah. Herbie: Tree. Shamus: That was another thing. So my dad was only I'm five eleven. my mom smoked too pretty young. I'm five eleven. All my relatives, my cousins and stuff, my brother's my half brother. you know, my mom's kid. he's six foot. I'm five eleven. my sister smoked young, so she's only five foot four, five foot. My parents were five foot four, five foot five. Herbie: Yeah, yeah. Shamus: I was like, man, maybe they were on us because I didn't start smoking I didn't start smoking until I think my senior year, but I didn't smoke like packs of cigarettes. Yeah. I would just have one here at a at a party or something like that. in the military, it was unprofessional when you're a military police officer to smoke while you're in uniform. Yeah. So every once and over in the desert, over in the Middle East and shit like that, doing God's work. Yeah. just like baseball players, we used to dip a lot just to keep moisture in our mouth and stuff. and then I'd smoke cigarettes occasionally, you know. Socially and stuff like that. But yeah, apparently if you smoke pretty heavy when you're young, it does stunt your growth. Well you could probably they were all tiny little fucks. Herbie: Yeah, but you can actually probably take it the other way too, 'cause they're like, make sure you eat all your vegetables so you can grow up big and strong Shamus: That was another one too. That that whole Popeye shit in the dream. You eat your spinach, you big strong. Nobody wants to eat that shit. Herbie: Yeah, 'cause I remember like remember like in the nineties of like the milk commercial 'cause I've been drinking milk and one day Shamus: Hell yeah. You know what I mean? All the celebrities had the milk mustache. Yeah. Herbie: But like it was like the one it was always the commercial like it's the little kid and he's talking to this hot, hot older woman. He's like, You know what? One day you're gonna wanna give me a w you know, a chance because you know, I'm gonna one day I'm gonna grow up to be big and strong. Yep. And I'm sitting there believing these commercials, and guess what? I'm still a goddamn midget. Shamus: We didn't smoke, did Herbie: No, I'm just like, you know, like I ate all my vegetables and all that stuff. I didn't grow up to be big and strong. I'm still like a stunt double for a Elijah Wood from the frickin' Hobbit movies and shit, man. You know? Yeah. You know when he got stabbed by Shilob? That was me. Shamus: That was the stuff level. I've never seen any of those movies, so I have no idea what you're talking about. But I do know the hobbits are a little lazy. Herbie: Dude. It was it was a nice shoot. So but you know, I didn't I ate all my vegetables on the set too, so it's just still didn't grow any I didn't get any taller. Shamus: Then I remember I came in the door one time and I never realized it. I it's like I said, I grew up in a neighborhood where we all played in the dirt. Yeah. where I was sweating and dirty and da-da-da-da. And then I would come in the house and one day my dad saw, had like a wart. Like right near my elbow. And my dad's like, Come here, let me look at that boy. So I like run over to him and he was just What have you been out there kissing frogs? And I'm like, What? And my mom's like, You get warts from frogs. And I'm like, What? And they're like, Frogs give you warts. And I'm just like I don't and now I'm starting to think, when the fuck did I see a frog? Is running into a frog? Is there Herbie: Well, how often is Shamus: a is this like an epidemic? Herbie: the question? Shamus: Is there some kind of cream or pill I can take to ward these off or Herbie: You really think about it too, man, like how often in Riverside did you see any goddamn frogs around here? It's not like you got wetlands or a marsh or anything like that. Shamus: Well th I mean the river was a couple of blocks from the house and every once in a while you'd see in the garden and stuff like that. Like toads, not frogs. but like it wasn't like I was picking the fucking things up and kissing or fucking sucking face one or looking that was another thing, you look a frog's ass and you get high. Herbie: but I think that was like those like poisonous frogs Shamus: Yeah, the poisonous frogs. But like of course that gets twisted when you're a little kid. yeah. Because somebody's older brother heard it in high school in their biology class and and the little kid hears it, like, hey man, my brother told me if you lick frogs ahead, you get high. What? Herbie: Yeah, I w Shamus: That and the Johnny smokers. You smoke a bunch of Johnny smokers and you get high off of that. Or if you put toothpaste with baking soda on cigarettes and let it dry out, you'll get high. Herbie: What the f Shamus: We were like this before we had the internet. We had nothing else. Herbie: This is when we had to make our own drugs. Exactly. Shamus: Like that no cure for cancer with Dennis Leary when he talks about whip it's he was just like, This is how fucking bored we were, man. Some kid went to a food store was like and right before the whipped cream comes out, this little bit of gas comes out. If you snort that you get high for five seconds. We didn't have the internet, we had the groceries. Herbie: Yeah, it's true. Jesus, yeah, 'cause Yeah, yeah, definitely. Shamus: Whippets, I think they call it that we had kid kids huffing on butane lighters and shit. yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, this is before the internet, people. This is what we were doing. Herbie: Yeah we couldn't score the real drugs so we had to make up. Shamus: Yeah, to make her own. Yeah. Yeah, words from Fox. Herbie: Back in my day when I was a young lad, we didn't have all these Percocets and mollies and gummies and all that shit. When we had gummies, they were actually really candy. Shamus: Mm-hmm. And one thing about my father, it was he was very I mean, that guy was for as tough as he was and you know, being like the the man you know, because we grew up, our parents were I mean, they were men. Yeah. Those guys went to work every day. They didn't bitch again playing. That's why they always got the big piece of chicken or the big steak. mom usually handled all the homework and stuff like that. Like he handled everything else. But that dude was one superstitious ass dude. If you broke a mirror in that house yeah yeah geez guy seven years of bad luck now and Or if we were walking the streets of Philadelphia 'cause everything was row homes near me and stuff. So like the sidewalks were real tight. Every 'cause I mean that section of Philadelphia was built in like the eighteen hundred. So like the carriage like the streets just weren't big enough in the side like people parked on the sidewalk and shit. Yeah. So every once in a while somebody'd be doing construction on the house and the way the ladder was going up that don't walk under that boy, that's bad luck. Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: Couldn't walk under ladders. If there was a cat crossing our path, my dad were like, hurry up, we gotta get in front of it. Like, just grab you by the arm and jack you're just like, dude. Herbie: Save the boy. Shamus: Yeah, walking under broken mirrors. and then not so much him, but my mom did it. And I know some other moms that I know. Like if we were having a party, like especially in Philadelphia, because my dad had the body shop and the speed shop. there were the only two garages on the neighborhood. And he would clean out the garages just in case it rained. Yeah. But we used to have block parties in Philadelphia. that was really another tight neighborhood too before it got really bad. but my mom would always put that little statue of Saint Mary in the window. Uh-huh. And I'm like, What the hell is that? And she was like, That way Saint Mary will keep ward off the rain clouds and there'll be no rain for the like if you want it not to rain, if you believe in that kind of thing. Yeah. You put the statue in the window facing out and you know, it won't rain that day. Herbie: Wow. Shamus: Not so much. every time I've seen people do it, it just like I used to tell my mom, I'm like, It's because your daughter lives here. Herbie: That's true too. Yeah, there's a lot of crazy superstitions, but there's always like a root reason why. Like you break your mama's back. Shamus: Don't step on cracks when you're walking. Yeah. Yep. Herbie: Like, what the shit is that? Shamus: Yeah, there's a lot of that crazy stuff on here. Herbie: God yeah, there I mean there's a whole bunch of superstitious stuff. Like 'cause there's a lot of superstitions in other like cultures and religions and stuff. But you know, you got Americans who are like, don't step on a crack. Or pretend this is hot lava. Shamus: yeah, that was yeah. That was one of my favorite games playing. Herbie: I don't know, what other type of Shamus: Well, there was always shut the goddamn door, you'll let the heat out. Am I really let I mean, I know I'm letting heat out, but like certain grocery stores when they get a load of shit in, like they open up that big ass garage door and it doesn't go like zero degrees all the way in the front. You know what I mean? Yeah, bring this shit in Herbie: Yeah, right away. Shamus: Exactly. Yeah, there was a bunch of other stuff. and then of course the big one when you're a kid was, you know, my parents used to tell me, Go to bed or the boogeyman will come and get you or you know, and then of course you always believe when you were a little kid. Yeah. yeah. Yeah, but the boogeyman was and like I think we talked about this in one of our f way early episodes. Yeah, the boogeyman takes many, many forms, man. Herbie: Does Shapeshifter Shamus: no doubt. Herbie: who change different many names too? Boogie Woogie Scary Monster. Shamus: Yeah, the Ungaboon man, my buddy is called the Ungaboonga man. I'm like, what the fuck? He's like, Yeah, when I was a kid he used to call him the Ungaboongaman. I'm like And then as you get older, like the Boogeyman still exists, it just comes in different styles and flavors, like an ex boss, an ex girlfriend. Yeah. Herbie: She ain't Shamus: and not any of the ones I've had recently. So please anybody dated in the last ten years, it's not you. yeah, Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: yeah, the boogeyman was another and of course hopefully none of the kids are listening to this, you know. Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy the Tooth Fairy, Leprechauns. Yeah. I mean, some people think they exist, but Whatever. But like all the other stuff you were told as a kid, you were just like, that and always Santa's wh especially that that dude never watched me around June and July when I was being bad as a kid. My beat Herbie: Parkinson. Shamus: the shit out of me. But right around Christmas, we're like, Santa's watching. Yeah. Or like right around Halloween, that motherfucker would start watching. Yeah. Herbie: They're probably saying, You know what? I'm gonna buy you a bunch of shit during Christmas. I don't feel like being aggravated by you for the next few Shamus: My brother did that to his kids one year because they were being total butt faces. I think they were like seven and eight. And my brother always told him, like, listen, if you don't start acting right, Santa's just gonna bring you guys nothing but Barbies because he's got two sons. Yeah. And they were just kind of like, So my brother's like, all right. So my brother went Christmas shopping. Yeah. He bought them their stuff, but like the first five gifts on their piles was Barbies. Was Barbie shit. And when they came down Christmas morning, they opened the first one and they were just like, then they opened the second one. But they have to turn one ever like Herbie: yeah. Like this is not what I ordered, Santa. Shamus: My brother my brother's got it all we still every once in a while, like for Justin's thirtieth, we broke that out and we were like, Remember this shit? 'Cause Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: he had it all videotaped and like watch those kids and we were his stereo that's funny though. And then of course, you know, my brother said Sandas said next time it's all Barbie stuff. Now we'll gonna rest you shit. But and I'll tell you what, straighten them out real quick. But Yeah, that was another thing. I if I was acting like a buff face in April, May or June, my parents would just whoop my ass. They were just like, that's cool. But then right around Halloween, they would whoop my ass and then go, and remember, Santa Claus is watching. Where was he at in April? I guess he was on vacation. Herbie: Well, listeners, like you know, we're talking about this stuff. If you guys have like any type of myths or anything like that your parents used to tell you, you know, let us know too, 'cause, you know, we we wanna hear about it and we wanna respond to it. Shamus: Okay, now we're gonna get some some of the older stuff. Mm-hmm. You know that Yeah, if you play with yourself you'll you'll end up going boring. Herbie: Well actually no technically that that that myth is true. Shamus: But Herbie: If you're a champ and you're no quitter, it comes back. Shamus: Well, as a kid, like when I first heard that, I think I was like thirteen or fourteen. Yeah. And you're kind of still naive and gullible. So like you'd be walking somewhere and you see the dude with the cane and shit like that. And you're like, man, that guy must have been laying on it a little bit. Yeah. I mean, or then I thought, 'cause I used to collect comic books and I was a kid, I was Holy shit, man, Daredevil must have been fucking ripping them out, bro. Yep. That Herbie: It's like Shamus: or or like will some of my uncles be Let me see your palms. Yeah. Herbie: yeah, the hairy palm fit. Shamus: Like, there's a hair all there. You've been fucking waxing your car I'm like Herbie: Well, thank God me I had that winning attitude. I was like, I'm no quitter, man. I'm gonna persevere. That was an Olympic event. I think actually that should be an Olympic event for people. I mean not curling as one. Shamus: I I kinda made amends with myself like right around fifteen, sixteen years old. We had this it was like a not a commute it was like a swim club that everybody used to join and stuff like that. I think we joined it one year. I was around fifteen, sixteen, and some of the girls walking around the pool and I was just like, Well, I guess that's it. Today's the last day I'll have sight. Yep. So Herbie: Ha ha ha. Shamus: I gotta when I go home I need to get this taken care of. Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: Either that or I'm just Yep. I'm not gonna be able to get like within five inches of a wall for the next Herbie: You're not Shamus: Yeah man, there was a guy, yeah. Herbie: Yeah, that remember Mama didn't raise no quitter though, baby. That's all. They had the sight he comes back, so Shamus: Sitting on concrete, we'll give you hemorrhoids. That was another thing as I got older. Sitting on cold concrete or rocks, we'll give you hemorrhoids. What was some of the other stuff? my god, there's so many of Herbie: Yeah, like physical afflictions and stuff. Shamus: Yeah, man. Herbie: Microwaves will give you like, you know, cancer, yeah, microwaves give you cancer. Shamus: Yeah, microwave is I know they set off pacemakers. Herbie: I don't think they do any more Shamus: They don't do it anymore, but like in the eighties they were just like, Man, if you gotta if you've got a pacemaker or some kind of heart monitor Herbie: Can you imagine that though, man? Like you're the first person in the eighties get a goddamn a microwave and then a pacemaker and you're you just want some Orville Redenbacher's frickin' popcorn next to you like I just gotta wait two minutes because you know you gotta stand by the damn microwave because you know, sometimes it takes two minutes, sometimes it takes three, or sometimes a minute and a half, and next thing is like you smell burnt popcorn, so you gotta man the station. And well, all you want is popcorn, you stroke the hell out or something? That sucks. Shamus: I've been craving caramel popcorn lately. Yeah. I don't I don't know what the deal is with it, but I've been destroying Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: So And I don't know if this is true going back to the childhood part of it because I just caught because I watch on Plex or one of those things, Married with Children reruns. Yeah. And the episode where Al has the library book for like twenty five years. Uh-huh. And she's like, just return to now. And he was like, I hate that librarian. And blah, blah, blah. And she's like, it's been 25 years and she was old then. She's probably dead. And when he walks in, she's still alive. And she's like, I knew you'd be back. Herbie: On the Shamus: And she's like, You owe us $1,563 in late fees. And he's like, So I is that a thing? Like, do library fees kind of stop? Like the book's worth five bucks. So if you bring the book. back like after it's past five hours, you still have to pay that five or you just say, Look, I'll just pay for the book. Herbie: Dude, I don't even think like people go to the libraries for books. Is it the homeless people using it, other people just using the free Wi-Fi or getting their Shamus: No doubt, but libraries are starting to come back, dude. Because I know I think within the next five years schools are gonna start doing away with the Chromebook shit. Yeah. And start cause like a lot of countries are doing it now. Sweden, Norway, Switzerland. 'Cause you know, being in the school, you hear all this stuff and then you follow it. I think Canada's getting ready to go back to because kids don't know how to everything's digital when it comes to time. So kids don't know how to read clocks anymore. Like fa like clock faces. Yeah. Nobody knows how to write like hand 'cause everything's typed. Yeah. So a lot of these schools are like, yeah, and United States just did a big study. and they were saying that it's actually decreasing the success rate of these kids. Like it's making them dumber. Yeah. for the layman man like me. the guy had all kinds of scientific words and shit like that to describe that, yeah, we're getting dumber. Yeah. So I think within the next five to ten years they're gonna they're gonna start going back. So I know our The school I'm at now, they're starting to gear back up. They're starting to bring books back into the library 'cause they turned it into the media center. yeah. So now they're gonna switch back to the library, like to put the books back in. the school I worked at last year had a fully functioning library still. Yeah. so yeah. Herbie: They can't even say Dewey decimal system. They'd be like Shamus: What? But I always wondered like watching that episode of which is one of the best episodes ever. I I just wondered if if I were to go back to the riverside I I think I turned in all my books, but like just to say, hey man, I still have a book out. What is it gonna cost me? Like nine thousand one hundred Herbie: It's like the Shamus: And when you get home, shave your palms 'cause we don't want no hair in that we only take cash, you know. Herbie: You gotta pay for these books too 'cause there's there's hair damage. Shamus: So Herbie: Some of the pages are sticking together. Shamus: Yeah, that's that's some of the stuff they told us when we were kids, man. It just Yeah. We just like really That another thing and I don't I w I caught the tail end of this because it was the Cold War. Yeah. Like they used to do not so much riverside. they used to do the bomb yeah thing where you had to get up and I'm Really, this desk is gonna save us you know like Yeah, Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: hide underneath your desk and I've just I'm like look at my buddy and just like this is it, man. Yeah. Like And he's like, No, it's a drill. I like, I get it, but like and that's another thing that's kinda weird about my childhood because I never like when you see little kids talk now, you're just like, that's cute. But to me, I never talk like like we were kind of like older for our age. Yeah. So like under second grade, I'm just like, yeah, this desk is really gonna help us, Jay. He's just like, you think? And I'm fuck no, it ain't gonna help us. Atomic Herbie: We're gonna die, bro. Shamus: bomb. We're like because they were so atomic back then, it was before nuclear. Yeah. And I was just like, bro, we're dog meat. If this shit says this desk ain't doing shit. Herbie: You d now that you mentioned it, you always notice too when they said about that going into they would always post that like old vintage video of that house being just like I'm like so Shamus: Blown away. If somebody's under a desk in that house, it don't matter, dude. Herbie: It was like maybe no one was underneath the desk in that one. Shamus: And we were taught to hate the Russians. Yeah. Herbie: Well I still can't forgive Ivan Drago of what he did to the fucking apologist. Shamus: I'm still not right with that. But I'll tell you what, that was true because when I first got into the military before like I mean, Desert Storm had already happened. Yeah. And of course, you know, military contracts, we had tons of them because they just but like every time we went to a range and basic training and stuff like that. And even some of the stuff I did when I got to my unit was they used to call Ivans. The targets were Russian soldiers with red stars on their head. yeah. And I was just like, Boy, they really don't like Russians around here. So but That's what we geared up for the Cold War to fight the Russians. So But yeah, yeah, that was another myth. Yeah, get under your table, you'll be fine. yeah. Herbie: No problems at all. Shamus: Just like I love that scene in Fight Club when they're on the plane and he's reading the emergency pamphlet and everybody's smiling. Yeah. It's like, you know, depressurization at thirty thousand feet and oxygen makes you euphoric and you accept your fate and dah dah dah. Yeah. Look at the pamphlet and it's like everybody's calm as hell, calm as Hindu cows going to their death. Yeah. I'm just like, man, that's a myth right there. Just strap it and we're gonna be okay. Yeah. Herbie: Don't worry. And took your head between your legs. Shamus: Yeah, that was another thing. But then they always added that and kiss your ass goodbye. Yeah. So but yeah, the illusion of safety. Yeah. Is what my father used to call it all the time. Herbie: God, yeah. Shamus: So I guess we could start wrapping this up. Of course, if any of you listeners, all three and a half of you, yeah, have any like he said, any myths that you know your parents used to tell you or some bullshit. Herbie: Yeah, we want hear some feedback so we can respond. Shamus: Yeah. And of course make sure you like, rate, and subscribe. Yeah, and the video Herbie: Definitely. And spread the word. Shamus: is coming. Three more episodes left of the audio. Actually four. This will be episode forty six. So we'll have four more left. You got anything, buddy, before we wrap this up? Herbie: Just thanks to everyone listening again. I I I I always say it, but I I really do appreciate it. I love doing this. We're gonna keep on doing it, man. Shamus: Yeah. Hopefully we can take it w it's not like a reboot, but we're gonna take it to the next level when we do the video thing, so Herbie: Plus we want to update, you know, up upgrade our performances and stuff too is like 'cause we're we're it's all like a learning process and we're getting we're hope you know, hopefully the audience likes it and we're getting better at doing it. So Shamus: Yeah, it's like I said, we're we're not that great at the audio thing yet, but and it's gonna take us a while when we go to video, but hopefully within a little while it's it's one of those things where people are just like, Yo bro, did you see that shit yesterday? Herbie: But like Herbie really is that short. Shamus: I'm motherfucker must been smoking to me as two. So Herbie: Yeah. Shamus: All right, make sure you're taking care of yourself, each other, and the community, and that you get your pet spayed and neuter to control the pet population. And remember, playing with yourself will make you go blind. Herbie: But if you're a trooper pushing, your sight comes back. That's it, man. Shamus: Anything else, bud? All right, everybody. Thanks for listening, and as always, good night. Herbie: Good night. That was good.