Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 216 | What Are You Still Proving with Your Business?
Transcript
- 0:01Erin Gray: Welcome back to the podcast.
- 0:02Erin Gray: I want to ask you what would you create or build differently in your business if your business did not need to prove anything about you?
- 0:12Erin Gray: I want to talk about this because I think so many of us, unknowingly, subconsciously, however you want to say it, use our businesses to prove that we're finally worthy.
- 0:22Erin Gray: And I want to invite you to contemplate what actually becomes possible when you don't need your business to prove anything about you anymore.
- 0:31Erin Gray: So let's dive in.
- 0:33Erin Gray: I think a lot of us growing up, at least the clients that I've helped, friends that I have, people that I've met in business, a lot of us have grown up in families where we had to earn love, whether that be through grades, whether that be through helping our mothers.
- 0:47Erin Gray: Like we had to do something to receive love and admiration and add a girls and all of that.
- 0:54Erin Gray: And so I think sometimes that the proving doesn't necessarily show up as insecurity.
- 1:00Erin Gray: It can look like or show up like ambition.
- 1:02Erin Gray: And, you know, whether that be more revenue or more people on your team or being busy or being needed, you know, depending on your business, it could even be like buying more equipment.
- 1:14Erin Gray: Like my husband and I talk about this a lot of people in the tree service business, which is what my husband and I have a business together with, and how often so many of them are like just buying equipment.
- 1:26Erin Gray: It's it's almost like that cheese mode, like, look at all the equipment that I have.
- 1:30Erin Gray: And I want to be very clear here that none of those things, wanting those things is a bad thing.
- 1:36Erin Gray: Like I'm never going to shame anyone for wanting more.
- 1:39Erin Gray: Like that is actually what is a desire, what it if like we are meant to expand and to grow.
- 1:44Erin Gray: But what I will ask you is what is the energy that you are in or that you are coming from when you're wanting these things?
- 1:51Erin Gray: You have to be very clear.
- 1:52Erin Gray: You have to be very on to yourself of like what energy am I building this from?
- 1:57Erin Gray: Is this coming from not enough?
- 1:59Erin Gray: Is this coming from, you know, and I always talk about like I think us as kids in school, you know, moved grades, like revenue and business.
- 2:07Erin Gray: I think I think it's just like the same.
- 2:09Erin Gray: So if you're like wanting more revenue just for the sake of wanting more revenue, is that because that's actually truly what you want and you want to help and you want to impact and you want to serve?
- 2:18Erin Gray: Or is that like, okay, when I get to X, then I'll finally feel or I'll finally love myself or I'll finally accept yourself?
- 2:24Erin Gray: So if it's coming from not enough, then it will never be enough, no matter what it is.
- 2:29Erin Gray: You know, you'll change the goalpost, you'll hire more people, you'll be more busy.
- 2:33Erin Gray: It will never end if it's coming from not enough.
- 2:35Erin Gray: Or if it's coming from, you know what, this is just fun.
- 2:38Erin Gray: I'm having fun.
- 2:39Erin Gray: I love this.
- 2:40Erin Gray: Let's see where this goes.
- 2:41Erin Gray: What can we create together?
- 2:43Erin Gray: That's very different energy.
- 2:45Erin Gray: And you have to be on to yourself.
- 2:47Erin Gray: And the way that you will know is how you feel in your body.
- 2:50Erin Gray: So the first thing is like, okay, are you in tune with your body?
- 2:53Erin Gray: You know, when something doesn't go exactly the way you think it is that that you should have, or that what your mind envisioned it to be, are you disappointed and are you beating yourself up or are you more so like, huh, that's interesting.
- 3:04Erin Gray: Okay, well, let's try this then.
- 3:06Erin Gray: You have to be very, I like the word still, but you have got to be onto yourself and you have to be still enough to know what is the energy that I'm trying to build this in.
- 3:15Erin Gray: I think the second thing thing that we need to consider is that being improving energy changes how we make decisions.
- 3:21Erin Gray: When we're improving energy, when we are in XYZ happens, that's very much so head or ego energy mentality, that's not in a heart-based, intuitive base.
- 3:33Erin Gray: When we're making decisions with our head, which I highly advocate to not make decisions with our head, but when we are having some of those ego goals of pursuing revenue or buying equipment that you actually don't really want or don't really need, but you know, so-and-so down the street or whoever your buddy is or whatever it might be, you know, in the business arena is doing that, or you're creating offers that you don't actually enjoy doing because you're just thinking, okay, well, how can I create more money, right?
- 4:05Erin Gray: I'm trying to get to my revenue goal, but you're not actually doing it from a like, would I love to do this even when?
- 4:11Erin Gray: Or is it coming from that place of like when I get there, I'm gonna feel something?
- 4:15Erin Gray: Like I always like to look at it like you know where you're coming from by how you're feeling.
- 4:20Erin Gray: If you're in that moving away from energy, like I don't like feeling this way, I don't like feeling that I'm not enough.
- 4:26Erin Gray: And and obviously, if you're not aware of this, it's not actually what you're gonna say.
- 4:29Erin Gray: It's like the body is feeling this way.
- 4:31Erin Gray: Like if you don't love yourself unconditionally, if you are judgmental about your numbers, if whatever that might be, then it's very much so like moving away energy.
- 4:40Erin Gray: But the heart, the intuition is like this would be fun.
- 4:43Erin Gray: It's more like going towards energy.
- 4:44Erin Gray: Like, let's just try this.
- 4:46Erin Gray: This would be fun.
- 4:46Erin Gray: Let's see what happens.
- 4:48Erin Gray: It's not like I don't like the way this feels, let me get away from it.
- 4:51Erin Gray: It's more like, oh, this could be so fun.
- 4:53Erin Gray: Let's see what we can create with it.
- 4:55Erin Gray: And so when you are adding things that you actually don't want to be doing, or you keep clients that you don't want, right?
- 5:02Erin Gray: Keeping clients that you don't want is very much so like lack energy versus another client will come to replace this one I'm about to let go of.
- 5:10Erin Gray: If you're creating a team or you have a big team because that's what somebody said you needed to do or have or create in order to get to where you wanted to go, because you're making all of this mean that you're achieving something, right?
- 5:22Erin Gray: Like that you're making it mean something about you.
- 5:24Erin Gray: I've noticed this with some of the people that I started out with on my journey of like how they grew, how they had this big team, and now they're like paring down.
- 5:32Erin Gray: And I think a lot of times, no matter what niche you're in, I think it's very easy to get off the track, off your track, if you aren't really solid and connected into who you are and what you want.
- 5:46Erin Gray: And when you're making all of these external things, which are very ego, right?
- 5:50Erin Gray: Like at the end of the day, like when people make comments about like how much money they've made or how many people they have on their team, like who cares?
- 5:58Erin Gray: Like at the end of the day, really, who cares?
- 6:01Erin Gray: But I think when you're coming from that place of like, I want you to see look at me, I think that that starts to cloud your judgment of actually why are you doing what you're doing?
- 6:14Erin Gray: What is the purpose of this?
- 6:16Erin Gray: Is this because you actually genuinely love doing it, or you want someone to look at you and see what you've done in revenue or what kind of team you have or the equipment that you have or whatever it might be and make some assumptions about you?
- 6:29Erin Gray: Like we're wanting our business because we haven't done the internal work yet.
- 6:34Erin Gray: We want our business to make us feel a certain way.
- 6:36Erin Gray: It's not our job, it's not our business's job to do that.
- 6:39Erin Gray: Like that's where you got to dig deep and do the soul work of like, okay, where do I feel not enough, not worthy?
- 6:45Erin Gray: Do I do this perfectly?
- 6:46Erin Gray: Absolutely not.
- 6:47Erin Gray: But is it one of those things now that I recognize, like, yeah, when I started, I totally was building it from a place of like proving that I could do it, versus like now it's just like let's just see what we can create and let's just have some fun.
- 6:59Erin Gray: And I think when we stop actually making our business do anything for us, like our business is never gonna do anything for us.
- 7:05Erin Gray: It's not the responsibility of our business to make us feel any way, just like it's not our responsibility or you know, our husband's responsibility to make us feel any certain way, or our children or our parents or whatever.
- 7:16Erin Gray: Like it's all our responsibility to feel that within us.
- 7:18Erin Gray: But when we stop needing our business to validate us, then we get to decide like what do we actually want?
- 7:24Erin Gray: Like, this could be fun, right?
- 7:26Erin Gray: And I always like to just ask that question like, what would be fun?
- 7:29Erin Gray: Like when you tap into what would be fun, get out of your head and you get into your body and you're just like, what would be fun just for the sheer like joy of doing it?
- 7:40Erin Gray: Is it the actual business that you have?
- 7:42Erin Gray: And sometimes the answer might be yes.
- 7:44Erin Gray: And sometimes the answer might be, well, part of this, but not.
- 7:47Erin Gray: And you have to ask yourself some of those questions like fun to just create, right?
- 7:52Erin Gray: To create it, to run it, to have it, just just because.
- 7:55Erin Gray: And that's ultimately like what we're going for.
- 7:57Erin Gray: Like, and you have to be very clear on what you want here.
- 8:00Erin Gray: Why do you want a big team?
- 8:02Erin Gray: You know, I've talked about this in previous episodes where, you know, when I really sat down, it's like, I don't really want 30 plus employees.
- 8:09Erin Gray: Maybe that will change down the road, but I know that I've been there already and I didn't necessarily enjoy that.
- 8:15Erin Gray: And so maybe, like I said, maybe that will change.
- 8:18Erin Gray: But for right now, it's not something that I that I want to do.
- 8:21Erin Gray: And so I think you have to be very clear on what is it that you want?
- 8:26Erin Gray: And are you coming back and staying with that decision or are you getting swayed by other people?
- 8:32Erin Gray: Because I think it's very easy to get swayed by other people because we're constantly looking outside of ourselves, we're constantly seeing what our friends are doing in business and we're talking about different things.
- 8:41Erin Gray: And it's easy, like it's easy for the mind to be like, I mean, I saw myself doing this yesterday with a friend and we were talking about her business.
- 8:47Erin Gray: And I caught myself and I was like, Erin, you don't need to be asking these questions to yourself.
- 8:51Erin Gray: Like, it's totally fine.
- 8:52Erin Gray: We've already made the decision.
- 8:53Erin Gray: Why are we coming back here?
- 8:54Erin Gray: And so I think you have to be kind of onto yourself and you have to see, like, sometimes the question might come up because you are actually wanting to explore a different avenue.
- 9:02Erin Gray: And sometimes it could just be like, oh, we're not used to just having it work well the way it is, and we want to create an actual issue that doesn't even exist.
- 9:12Erin Gray: So you have to ask yourself, like, this is why I always start with like the life by design piece, the pillar with clients, because you have to know what you actually want.
- 9:21Erin Gray: How many hours a week do you actually want at work?
- 9:23Erin Gray: How many people on your team do you want?
- 9:25Erin Gray: How big do you actually want to be?
- 9:27Erin Gray: And like what offers actually are working for you?
- 9:31Erin Gray: What do you love?
- 9:31Erin Gray: And like what feels so draining?
- 9:33Erin Gray: And I think this is also a place where you get to give yourself permission.
- 9:36Erin Gray: You don't want to do some of the offers that you did when you set up your business or whatever it might be.
- 9:41Erin Gray: You get to change.
- 9:42Erin Gray: You get to modify as you go, as you like the word that keeps coming up for me lately is like refine.
- 9:48Erin Gray: You get to refine your business as you move along.
- 9:51Erin Gray: It's not a problem.
- 9:52Erin Gray: It's like as you're growing, as you're developing, you're getting to see like, okay, this is what I used to like.
- 9:58Erin Gray: This is not what I like anymore.
- 9:59Erin Gray: And I'm ready to make, you know, some change and some differences.
- 10:02Erin Gray: And I just want to drive home this point of like, I think it can feel so easy to come off course.
- 10:09Erin Gray: If you're not really anchored in, which I think is a constant practice that we need to be doing, to be by ourselves, to be still for ourselves, to reconnect to ourselves and to God.
- 10:19Erin Gray: Like it's very easy to be like, see what someone else is doing and think that's what you need to be doing.
- 10:24Erin Gray: I can't tell you how many times that clients have come to me, you know, and they'll say, like, okay, part of it is obvious like they always want to grow.
- 10:30Erin Gray: And I'll ask them why.
- 10:32Erin Gray: And then they'll say something along the lines like, you know, that that's what everyone says to do, or that's what my previous business mentor.
- 10:37Erin Gray: And I'm like, why?
- 10:38Erin Gray: Like, you really have to start asking yourself why.
- 10:41Erin Gray: Says who.
- 10:42Erin Gray: And growth looks different for every person.
- 10:45Erin Gray: Like, who is everyone that's saying that we need to grow?
- 10:48Erin Gray: You know, they're not gonna be the one managing your team, they're not gonna be the one waking up in your body every day.
- 10:53Erin Gray: You know, if you don't like managing people and you don't want to have a huge team and you do have a huge team, why?
- 10:59Erin Gray: They're not gonna be the ones doing all of that.
- 11:01Erin Gray: They're not gonna be waking up in your body every day.
- 11:03Erin Gray: So you better get crystal clear on why you want what you want.
- 11:06Erin Gray: Otherwise, you wake up one day and you started in one direction, now you're already, you've drifted off in just like a plane, you know, when the pilot flies the plane and he puts in the GPS coordinates, he's constantly redirecting and going back on to stay, you know, on or near course to get you where you want to go.
- 11:24Erin Gray: It's the same thing.
- 11:25Erin Gray: Like, you've got to always be asking yourself, like when you're making decisions, are you making it from a heart-based place or are you making it from ahead?
- 11:31Erin Gray: And it's sneaky.
- 11:32Erin Gray: I think that that's also a sneaky way that if you're not onto yourself, if you're not paying attention, if you still have some of those tender wounds that we have around proving, you know, making our business prove things about us, it can sometimes feel easy to kind of get off course.
- 11:48Erin Gray: And it's okay if you have, it's not a problem.
- 11:50Erin Gray: And also recognize like, where am I allowing something that isn't a heart's desire?
- 11:56Erin Gray: Like, why am I making that more important than what my heart actually wants?
- 12:00Erin Gray: And I'm definitely not saying to settle here.
- 12:02Erin Gray: Like I'm always saying go for the expansion.
- 12:05Erin Gray: But expansion doesn't always mean the same to everyone else.
- 12:09Erin Gray: I knew that for me, expansion meant actually not working at all for several years.
- 12:15Erin Gray: That was growth to me.
- 12:16Erin Gray: So I think sometimes we can conflate, if that's the word I want to use, conflate growth with like actually growing more, something, more, whatever, right?
- 12:27Erin Gray: But sometimes growth is actually less, less work, less team, more space, less time at work.
- 12:34Erin Gray: And so growth and expansion for me was like, I actually don't want to have any business right now.
- 12:39Erin Gray: I actually want to take some time off.
- 12:41Erin Gray: And I just want to spend some time with my kid and I want to spend some time with my husband and I want to travel and I want to figure out what do I want to do?
- 12:46Erin Gray: Like that was growth for me.
- 12:48Erin Gray: So you really have to settle in and ask yourself, like, what are your desires?
- 12:52Erin Gray: Because we are meant to expand.
- 12:54Erin Gray: It just has to be like, why do I genuinely, like, what do I genuinely want?
- 12:58Erin Gray: Why do I want this for the just the genuine experience of having it?
- 13:03Erin Gray: Is this what my heart wants?
- 13:04Erin Gray: Like, that's an easy way to just tap in.
- 13:06Erin Gray: Is this what my heart wants or is this what my head is saying?
- 13:09Erin Gray: And when it's coming from the head, it's going to be because dot dot dot, right?
- 13:14Erin Gray: I want this because I will feel XYZ.
- 13:17Erin Gray: I want this because I will look a certain way.
- 13:19Erin Gray: I want this, but the heart's just like, do this, go here, take time off, build this.
- 13:24Erin Gray: It's very just basic and simple.
- 13:27Erin Gray: And if you're realizing that you are ready to have your business from what you actually want instead of what you feel like that you need to prove or you need to have or make your business mean anything about you, or what everyone else is saying that you need to do with your business, this is the kind of work that I do inside my private advisory.
- 13:44Erin Gray: We talk about business, we talk about money, we talk about strategy.
- 13:48Erin Gray: We also allow and take the time and the space for all of the stuff that happens underneath it.
- 13:54Erin Gray: And if you want that kind of thinking partner with you in your corner, you can apply to work with me in the show notes.
- 14:01Erin Gray: So I would advise you over the next week to contemplate like, am I trying to make my business say something about me?
- 14:08Erin Gray: If something doesn't go the way that I had planned in my business, do I feel let down?
- 14:13Erin Gray: Do I feel embarrassed?
- 14:14Erin Gray: Do I feel shame or guilt and unworthiness?
- 14:17Erin Gray: And I think that this is just like, I've always said, like, there's three parts or there's three things in life that's always going to bring up, you know, our tenderness.
- 14:25Erin Gray: It's going to be business, it's going to be marriage, and it's going to be parenting.
- 14:27Erin Gray: And I think that that's, you know, what our souls chose to do when we decided to be business owners.
- 14:33Erin Gray: And I think the biggest thing to take away with today is we all go through it.
- 14:39Erin Gray: And also, how do we take care of ourselves and tend to those tender parts of ourselves that actually need to be tended to and not making our business responsible for that?
- 14:49Erin Gray: So I'll see you in the next episode.