Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why narcissists can bring up YOUR past but you can't bring up THEIRS

Transcript

Why narcissists can bring up YOUR past but you can't bring up THEIRS · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So why are narcissists consistently breaking up the
• 0:04
  past but you can't do it right? That's what we talked about
• 0:08
  today y'all. Why narcissistic people?
• 0:10
  Toxic people like to consistently and constantly
• 0:14
  bring up the past but won't allow you to do the same thing.
• 0:22
  Of course, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:24
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:27
  the Narcissist Go y'all, which we which we'll be transitioning
• 0:30
  to the mental illness podcast here pretty soon because the
• 0:32
  interviews are on the way. Y'all, The interviews are on the
• 0:36
  way. You're going to apply to be on
• 0:38
  the podcast. The link is in the description
• 0:41
  of every video that I do. But yes, let's hop right into
• 0:44
  it, y'all. The past is a tool that
• 0:47
  narcissists use to build a like a House of protection, right?
• 0:53
  A a House of worship and whatnot.
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  Why do they keep bringing up the past so much?
• 0:58
  Simply put, because it works. Because it's useful.
• 1:04
  Bringing up the past is absolutely a useful tool for
• 1:09
  narcissistic people. It Yeah, it really just it, it
• 1:12
  can be as simple as that right there sometimes that the past, I
• 1:16
  can always use it. And This is why I tell people
• 1:19
  like when you're getting to know somebody, fill them out.
• 1:23
  Don't just go trauma dumping on them.
• 1:25
  Don't just be sharing your deep emotional past with this person.
• 1:30
  Don't share your deepest darkest secrets with this person.
• 1:33
  Like build up to that. Make them earn your information.
• 1:39
  Earn it like your if y'all make them earn it because they will
• 1:43
  absolutely bring up the past against you.
• 1:46
  Even the past they had nothing to do with them.
• 1:49
  Yes, narcissists will bring up the past that y'all have created
• 1:53
  together, right? Y'all could have been together
• 1:55
  for 10 years and they can bring up something for year one and
• 1:58
  use it against you. But not only will they do that,
• 2:01
  they will also bring up the stuff that happened before y'all
• 2:04
  were even together. Because it work.
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  If y'all be it does work, bring it up.
• 2:11
  The past absolutely works for narcissist.
• 2:14
  It is not. It's a tool, it's a weapon.
• 2:16
  It absolutely is and I think a lot of y'all would just
• 2:18
  understand how this works with manipulative, abusive, toxic,
• 2:22
  lying, narcissistic bastards. They will absolutely bring it up
• 2:27
  because it works. Like if I'm losing an argument
• 2:30
  or you're a narcissistic partner or parent, whoever they are,
• 2:33
  right, is losing an argument to you and I have nothing else.
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  I'm losing an argument because you have all the facts.
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  The facts are not on my side, right?
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  The fiction is fiction and storytelling is on my side,
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  right? But the facts are not serving me
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  here. So guess what I do?
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  I go into my little Rolodex of the past seven years ago.
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  Yeah, yeah, blow it off 'cause it's destiny.
• 3:04
  Gotcha, ass. Remember what you did?
• 3:07
  You let me take you. Let me take you back to a little
• 3:09
  year I like to call 2018. You remember that year?
• 3:14
  What about what you did to me that year?
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  Yeah, I'm cheating on you right now.
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  Yeah, you bust. You might have busted me
• 3:20
  cheating. But remember in 2018, when we
• 3:24
  were trying to build this relationship, we were just fresh
• 3:26
  together and you didn't respond to me within a timely manner.
• 3:35
  Now, see how stupid that sounds? They cheated on you, but you
• 3:39
  didn't respond to them in a timely manner in 2018, when
• 3:42
  you're first getting to know each other.
• 3:43
  And somehow that's equal. We both made mistakes.
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  It's wrong. I know I did you wrong, but what
• 3:50
  about what you did? That's a common theme that a lot
• 3:53
  of narcissistic people will use. The past, the works.
• 3:56
  It serves. Yeah.
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  The past for a narcissist and them using against you does
• 4:00
  absolutely serve a purpose. It really, really does.
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  It serves serves a unique purpose.
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  It serves a great purpose for them because they know they
• 4:08
  understand that they keep they get to keep doing this type of
• 4:11
  stuff. They know they understand that
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  they can use this against you. They know they understand of how
• 4:17
  and what that they can put you through.
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  This is the mindset of a lot of narcissistic abusive people.
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  So they love using the past like anything, you know, anything is
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  like nothing is off limits. Anything is on the table.
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  When they are angry with you or they want to hurt your feelings
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  or they want to, they're trying to get away from accountable or
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  they're trying to blame you for something, anything is on the
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  table. They will bring up your
• 4:43
  childhood trauma, which they were not around for.
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  They will bring up something that happened to you, you
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  something your ex did to you, which they were not around for
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  and tell you that you deserved it.
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  Remember when you remember since well, since we talked about
• 4:57
  this, since we, since we on the topic, remember when your ex
• 5:00
  blacked your eye? You remember that because I
• 5:06
  remember that you told me about it.
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  I wasn't there, but you deserve to get your eye black.
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  The way you talking to me, I see why they punch you in your eye.
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  That's why they swole you up because look how you are.
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  Look how evil you are. You see how you act.
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  You see how you treat me. You see what you do to me.
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  You see how you behave. You see how you see what you put
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  me through. That's what they'll do to you.
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  Yeah, I know it's a ridiculous, but that's literally what they
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  would say to you. They it doesn't matter what it
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  was, if they were there for it, they still think it's relevant
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  to use against you. They still think it's OK to
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  bring this type of stuff up because it serves them right
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  now. They think that the past is the
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  past that matters right now when it absolutely doesn't now.
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  So can the past be? Can the using the past make
• 5:53
  sense sometimes? Yeah, let's be real.
• 5:55
  But I had to correct myself right there.
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  But most times it doesn't in the context of dealing with a
• 6:00
  narcissistic person because when they're using a past against
• 6:03
  you, it's typically on a topic that has nothing to do with
• 6:07
  what's going on right now. It just doesn't, y'all.
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  But on the flip side of things, I know y'all want to talk about
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  like, well Lee, they Lee, they always break my partner, my ex,
• 6:17
  my husband, my wife, whatever. They are always bringing up the
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  past and using it against me. They use my my body count, they
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  use my height, my weight, whatever.
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  They always things that I don't, things that I'm ashamed of that
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  I share with them. They always use this against me.
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  Like, but when I try to break up something from their past, they
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  lose they damn minds. Why is that Lee?
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  Because Simply put, the double standard to do exist in these
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  relationships, y'all, the double standards absolutely do exist in
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  these relationships. They absolutely do.
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  You don't get to do what I get to do.
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  And that can be Simply put, you don't.
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  We are not on the same level. We are not equal here.
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  You don't get to say or do or talk about the things that I
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  have done. That's not how it works here.
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  Like no, I bring up the past because it's relevant.
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  You bring up the past because you're just you, you because
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  you're stuck in the past because you don't know how to grow up,
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  because you you don't know how to let things go.
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  And the same thing applies to them.
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  It doesn't make sense to you, but to that narcissistic person,
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  them use them, bringing up the past absolutely makes sense to
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  them. You know it really does and
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  their and their justification for it because yours is stupid
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  and mine is not. This could be as simple as
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  Simply put, I can do it because I'm me.
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  You can't do it because you're you.
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  We are not equal. We are not the same.
• 7:45
  Well, we, we, we don't represent the same thing.
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  No, you don't get to use the past against me because I
• 7:52
  because I said so, because you just don't.
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  And now I guess what happens, Y'all guess what happens when
• 7:58
  you try to bring up the past within ourselves, something that
• 8:00
  they've done in the past? Guess what happens if you're
• 8:03
  arguing about something and if you bring up something that they
• 8:05
  have done in the past, they will throw off the entire argument to
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  focus on why you brought something up from the past.
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  So sometimes when you try to bring up the past against a
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  narcissist, they use this. They use it as an opportunity,
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  not for growth, an opportunity to just do keep doing things to
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  you. They use it as an opportunity to
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  mess with you, to throw you off the topic, to throw you off
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  track. You know, I talked to a a woman
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  yesterday on my one on ones my zoom calls and she brought up
• 8:37
  the turn. She brought up a video I did a
• 8:38
  long time ago called about Gish gallop.
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  Well, how narcissist will start a bunch of small arguments
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  within one to throw you all off to confuse you because so now
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  you don't even know what the beginning argument was about.
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  You bring up something that they've done.
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  Were you yelled at me? Remember you yelled at me last
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  week? Wow, you going to bring that up?
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  Wow, how dirty? How low down and dirty are you?
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  Wow, you can't let go of stuff. Look how you been doing like I
• 9:05
  made a mistake. You still using it against me.
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  We know you going to grow up. You see, the fact that you
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  haven't grown up is really an indication of how you were
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  raised by your parents. That's why your daddy wasn't
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  there. That's why your Mama beat your
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  ass. That's why your sister hated
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  you. That's why your brother hated
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  you. Let's talk about that, right?
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  That's about the fact that your brother hates you.
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  He doesn't talk to you more so we now we went from you yell
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  them them yelling at you all the way to them now bringing up your
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  the fact that your brother hasn't spoken to you.
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  How we get here? How do we get here?
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  This starting small fires. It's called Gish gallop.
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  This is a technique that a lot of bad faith actors will use,
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  like people who are not coming to you in in good faith people
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  who politicians you politicians use this argument tech technique
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  all the time called Gish gallop. GISH gallop like a horse, you
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  know, but they would do this type of stuff.
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  They use you bringing up the past as an opportunity to
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  belittle you and hurt your feelings even more and also an
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  opportunity to start several other arguments within this one.
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  So now you don't even know what the hell the first argument was
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  about. Like you like what the hell we
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  talked about in the 1st place. I forgot now.
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  Right, I forgot what we talked about.
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  Now I'm not clear on how dizzy we even got here.
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  I don't even know what happened. Rabble rabble rabble blah blah
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  blah Boo Boo Boo BBB. You see, I I'm just telling you,
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  y'all see how it goes right there in these spaces like they
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  love break it up the past because they can use it or they
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  hate when you bring it up because it makes them feel
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  shame. The core of it y'all, they hate
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  when you bring it up because it makes them feel ashamed.
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  Even if you're you bring out of the past is truth is true and
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  it's applicable to this situation right now.
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  They will try to throw you off the topic because this is how
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  the mind of a lot of narcissists work.
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  They don't want to be held accountable.
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  They just hate the fact that accountability, even the word
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  accountability even exists. So it's just how we go y'all.
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  Anyway, y'all, they have arrived me for the end.
• 11:00
  Really, truly appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 11:01
  Thank y'all for making it to 500 K.
• 11:03
  That means we're halfway to the million, halfway to the Millie.
• 11:06
  Let's get to 1,000,000 by the end.
• 11:08
  Where? Where we at?
• 11:11
  October, November, December. We have three months.
• 11:13
  Let's get to 1,000,000 in three months.
• 11:15
  Maybe a record, whatever. No, maybe not a record.
• 11:17
  Maybe crazy though. I appreciate y'all.
• 11:18
  You haven't subscribed. Why not hit the subscribe
• 11:21
  button? Bye, bye please.