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5 Youth Ministry Tips to Build Better Relationships With Students · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: building relationships with students, you've got to continually migrate to them.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes people come into church especially when they're new and they don't know what to expect and just to show that we're human and we can joke and have fun and laugh and be silly.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Just engaging and bringing people in, including them, like I think that's part of affection, is hardcore inclusiveness.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about five youth ministry tips that will help you build better relationships with your students.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: ["the Ministry?
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: of Culture"].
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ministry Coach podcast where we bring you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast track the growth and health of your youth ministries.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: My name is Jeff Lascola and this is.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Cristina Lascola.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, and we have Pinocchio here today.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, here I am, pinoc, pinoc, oh, f-r-r-r-r.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: What are we talking about today?
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Today we are talking about five youth ministry tips that will help you build relationships with your students, because some people, relationships come very easily and they know exactly what to do and how to talk to people and how to draw them out and their relational architects and other people.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: They're like I love you, but I just don't know how to connect with you.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: So it doesn't really matter what category you've fallen.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: These tips will be helpful for you as you continue to try to build relationships with the students you work with.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: So number one play with them, have fun.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I cannot stress this one enough Be a fun person.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: And if you're not a fun person, naturally I don't know, it's a skill maybe that you can develop and work on.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I think fun is students' love language.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: It immediately puts down walls, it immediately draws people in, it immediately makes you a safe person when you're fun and when you play, you've gotta play.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Sometimes youth pastors are like the mom who is taking all the pictures, but not in any of the pictures and watching everyone else have fun and coordinating everyone else is fun and setting up so other people can have fun, but you've got to play with them.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I am me.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Look at me.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Yet when I look at me, you just want to show off your guns I just wanted to show you my muscles, but they're not impressive, right.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: But when I play dodgeball, the kids beg to have me on their team.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Because it's fun and I'm gonna go all out and I might not be the last one in, but I'm gonna have such a good time and I strategize with them of like, okay, we gotta get out him, him and him.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: First you guys throw here and then I'm gonna distract and like I just go all in, you've got to play.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're not a dodgeball person.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Find something you can play with the kids because you've got to be fun if you're going to relate to kids at all.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: So be silly.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it takes you abandoning your pride and you're cool a little bit and just being weird and silly and that helps draw people out.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I say the most random things to kids all the time, like if they're late I'm like, oh no, three, two, one.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sorry we've reached capacity, you'll have to come back another time.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Or like the kid who's super shy.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: I try to say something funny to them and get them out of their shell a little bit.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: And it's just you.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: I realize I cannot have any pride in youth ministry, like I just have to be willing to be the one to laugh at myself make a joke at my own expense.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Now, when you're being silly, you're not making fun of other people.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: That's one you have to be really careful with.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: That was kind of dumb tax I learned early on, because when I was a young youth pastor I thought I'm showing affection to you by making fun of you.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: See how close we are, can make fun of you.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: But they don't always take it that way, so try not to joke at other people's expenses.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Joke at your own expense.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Probably lets you know that there's that comfort level between you.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Know you obviously don't cross that line, but there's a few people you can kind of joke with.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, a little tease too, but and I feel like one thing that's really helped me too is really just lean in to the weirdness.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: If students are being weird or doing something funny or quirky, just lean in just all in all like just dive head first into their awkwardness, their weirdness.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: And it's amazing sometimes what they'll do back.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Like I'll just start a dance battle with a kid and some of them just laugh, some of them freeze and some of them dance and I'm like hey, like I'll take all three responses.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I don't care, and you know, you just never know what you're gonna bring out of somebody.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: And then, along with that too, is sit with them where students are sitting, sit with them, be with them, migrate toward them.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Sometimes and I even fall into this it's easy for me to migrate toward adults or leaders, but building relationships with students, you've gotta continually migrate to them.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I get so impressed with some of my leaders when they're sitting next to the kids on the floor during the message or they're right next to them doing hand motions during worship that they are in the Gaga pit with them playing Gaga ball.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: They're right there next to them.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: So be where they are and I feel like I've already said this point but joke around Like students, like we've talked before about how humor is such a universal language and when somebody laughs, you automatically warm their heart.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: And you bring, just like, hey, this is an environment you want to be a part of and we don't take ourselves too seriously.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes people come into church especially when they're new and they don't know what to expect, and just to show that we're human and we can joke and have fun and laugh and be silly, like if you ever watch the Chosen and you see the how they sprinkle a little bit of humor into Jesus's character.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Now, was Jesus funny?
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: We don't really know.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: But I think what they're trying to convey is he was human and that kind of puts our walls down, to know you could be a little sarcastic or you could like take a little jab or be funny or whatever.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Point out the obvious thing that's happening.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: That's hilarious and just.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: It brings a sense of humanity to kids who are like you're a church people is this weird, or we all to laugh.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Is this very serious?
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Are we in a very holy environment, you know, and I just think be as fun as possible.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I heard a student say to me this weekend she wanted me to come to this event and I said, oh, I don't know if I could go.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: You know she goes, you have to.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, there'll be other people there, like it's fine if I'm not there.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: She's like no, but you're so fun, you make everything fun and not really warm my heart because I'm like I'm glad you are picking up what I'm putting down, because I'm trying real hard, I'm trying really hard to be fun.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Actually, I don't have to try that.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: You made a good point, though you talked about it breaks down the walls and breaks down those barriers, because, ironically, we were talking about somebody that we both know who always puts off this like super cool vibe, like never cracks a smile because that might be uncool, and to me it puts me like, oh, I feel really insecure because I'm so not cool.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: It's not like you're impressed, like, oh, I want to be your friend.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: You're like I can't even be your friend if I tried.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: You're so cool.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: Well, at least you think you are, but I just feel like there's just that like I can't do or say anything because I'm afraid of being more uncool than I know.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: I already am Right and I'm like that I would think would translate to the students as well Like, especially like high school, where they're already like that, like can't do anything.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: That might be perceived as uncool.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: And if your youth pastor is super like, hey guys, like everything's so cool, we can't like laugh or smile or anything.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: To me it's like those walls just keep getting built up.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Totally.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: You're reinforcing their walls and insecurity and bent.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: And it's funny you bring that up, jeff, because I was having a conversation with my student leadership team.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: We had a meeting on Friday and I said, guys, we've got to redefine cool.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Cool is participating, cool is going all in, cool is not sitting in the back with your arms folded with your phone out.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, cool is.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: I said so, guys, I want you to help redefine that in our culture of like, the cool kids are the ones who participate, hang out, have fun, go all in and are just having the time of their lives.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like let's make that cool.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: And they were like yes, oh, my gosh, I hate when it's like the cool kids don't do anything, like makes us not want to do anything.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I said, no, we let's make our new version of cool right now.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: All hands in, guys, I feel like on the count of three.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: So cool.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: I feel like imitation cool is trying so hard to not be uncool, if that makes sense.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: Whereas legitimate cool does not care Right About what people think Totally.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: And so.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: I almost like that's how you can almost spot the imposter.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Is you're just trying, I try, you're trying to be cool by trying to not be uncool, if that makes any sense.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Wow, you're like a cool Dr Seuss.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: I'm half asleep, so I don't know.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: This might not even make sense.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: I'll have to.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: I get it, I get you, um, let's move on.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: So number two how do you make better relationships with your students?
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Affection, just wild affection.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Students love affection.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I cannot stress that enough.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: So what do I mean by affection is like when I see a student that just arrived at church for the first time and I know them, I'm so happy you're here and I legitimately am.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I'm not like, pretend so, pretend you like them, but I mean, show that what you're feeling on the inside, that you like Um, you know, I will give them a really big hug, you know.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: And they try to leave.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, not done.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, oh, that felt so good, I'm so happy you're here.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: High five them, fist bump, whatever you're comfortable with.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: And then I think what this is conveying is like students know, like, okay, the Bible says love everyone.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: But what students really need to know is well, you love me because you have to.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: My mom loves me because she's my mom.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: But there's something that I don't know anything special about when somebody knows that you like them, that was a pee Like her impression.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Like I like you.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: If you haven't seen pee weas big adventure that you have no idea what I'm talking about.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: So when they know that you like them and you're like, genuinely happy to see them and, um, they will repay that as well.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: You know, there's a girl who every time she comes on our midweek program or our weekend program she'll be like she calls me, miss Kristen, miss Kristin, and she runs them and gives me a hug.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: She goes how are you?
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: And I always say I'm so much better now that I see you, I'm so happy to see you.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: And then you ask them questions how was your week?
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: What'd you do?
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Today?
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: You had a basketball game.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: How did it go?
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: So you're wildly affectionate with them, you're so happy they're here.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: You just can't get enough.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: They know you like them, you're not indifferent to their presence, you have something kind or positive to say to them and we'll get more into that in a minute.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: But just that greeting, that enthusiasm, that celebratory.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: I'm celebrating that you're here.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: And I remember I went to like a college group years and years ago not at our church, at a different church and I just felt like the youth pastor.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: The college pastor didn't really feel like youth, young adult, whatever it was.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Just he was so indifferent to my presence, like I would walk in, he would never look up.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: He wouldn't acknowledge me, he would never say hello.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: I even remember going out of my way once cause I got there early and I said is there anything I can do to help set up or do you need me to do anything?
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: I'm just here?
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: He's like nope.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: And he just walked away and like didn't engage me, seemed like just preoccupied with whatever and I was brand new.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I think, looking at it from a pastor perspective, it's like what an opportunity to like totally hey, where are you from?
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: And oh, we're so glad you're here.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what?
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: And they were doing stuff I could have helped.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Hey, we're lighting candles, or hey, can you put papers and pens in these buckets?
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Like, why not?
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: And so I just felt like what a missed opportunity.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Just engaging and bringing people in, including them Like I think that's part of affection is hardcore inclusiveness.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: I'll give you another example.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: We played a game stop the bus a couple of weekends ago and there was a group of these kind of like withdrawn girls they're really sweet, they come often, but they aren't big on participation and they were just sitting there while everyone else was playing.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, if I'm on your team, will you guys play?
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: And I just went and I said, okay, grab a pen.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I didn't even let them really answer.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like we're doing this.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, hurry, I need a store that starts with N.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: All right, you, I need an animal.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: And I was just like we're gonna win.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: If you're on my team, we're winning.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: And I was so all about it and, spoiler alert, we won.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Of course, I think I've been banned from playing.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Stop the bus.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: And I did it anyway, so I don't care because I'm obnoxious, and it was.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: They were laughing by the end and one of them was so good at it.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: I'm like I'm so glad you played.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: You would have never known You're so good at this game.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: You like our MVP.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: You were the reason we won and I was just trying to be wildly inclusive and not letting anyone kind of slip through the cracks, but pursue kids like them, be affectionate toward them, celebrate them, bring them in like wild abandonment.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Youth pastor should not be the ones in the room trying to be cool.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: There's enough kids trying to be cool.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: That should not be your MO of like well, if I'm the cool youth pastor, everyone's gonna respect me.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: No one of the best quotes I heard, I think, last year.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I wrote at my journal that warm is the new cool and you're warped like personality and pursuing and being affectionate over people.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: That is cool, not well, I put off a vibe.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know nobody cares, all right.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Number three take opportunities to have meaningful conversations with students.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: So if you're wanting to build better relationships with them, I think really, for me this is usually done the bulk of it by our small group leaders, because the meaningful conversations usually happen in small group or because of something that happened in small group.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: But when it comes to camp like I was able to have a lot of meaningful conversations, but always looking for the opportunity to whether it's like encouraging them, so things like oh my gosh, you know, I saw you helping out with the two year olds and they just ran up to you.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: They were so happy to see you, you are so good with younger kids.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I think God has just really gifted you and I'm so thankful you're using that gift.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: To me that counts as a meaningful conversation, life conversation.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: So I there was a girl who was upset about a friend thing happening and we just stood in the kitchen for like a half hour or something after a youth group one night and we just talked all about her pain, of this friend drama she was having, and I just sat with her and kept going and just had nowhere to be and just was like I'm going to talk and it meant a lot to her.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: She wrote me the sweetest little note after of just like hey, that meant so much to me.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Thank you for spending the time to talk to me about this.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: You know situation, you know, even if a kid gets in trouble, I think there's an opportunity for a really meaningful conversation there.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, like kids that have gotten disciplined or consequences, all of a sudden I am face to face with them, where I wouldn't have been before and I'm able.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Like a girl got moved this weekend.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: She was talking, talking, talking.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: She got moved and she started crying and I wasn't speaking so I could kind of grab her.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: I said, hey, let's go, let's just go out in the hall and talk, you know.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: And I said, hey, it doesn't mean you're bad and you're not a bad person and this was to help you because you know you obviously were having a hard time regulating yourself.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: So moving isn't saying shame on you, you're terrible.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: It's just to help you have self-control and everyone loves you and I'm so glad you're here.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: And she's like I'm so embarrassed and I'm like no, don't be, everyone's already forgotten about it.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: They're worried about them, you know, and we, I feel like left closer than we were had.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Not that I'm like get them in trouble so you can be close to them, but you can take that as oh, they will do that on their own.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I know they so will.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: But you can take that as an opportunity to kind of pour some life into someone and have a meaningful conversation.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: One time this kid got in trouble and we were sitting in the office talking and he just basically poured out his life story to me, stuff that I had no idea, and we were so close after that and I saw him differently and had so much compassion for him and it was instead of just like, oh, there he goes again.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: It was like, okay, I see you, I get it and I could still hold him accountable, but it was done.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: I just had more natural mercy for him.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: And so I think having those meaningful conversations even like discipling them too right, like that's a part of it, that's how we get closer to students is really challenging them.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Like hey, like there was a new kid, that was a perfect opportunity.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Like you should have gone and talked to them or sat next to them.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: You know, like let's try to like have our eyes open for these new people.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Like you know you're on leadership, you've got to be looking for these people so you can disciple them and challenge them and encourage them to be the absolute best they can be and to follow Jesus the best they can and help them pick up where they fail and, you know, dust them off and help them kind of reset and restart.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: And then, lastly, with the meaningful conversations, kind of like that conversation in the kitchen with that student I was referencing is, take their problems seriously.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: You know, I think sometimes adults have a tendency to be like oh, you know, in 10 years it won't matter.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well, it's not a big deal, you guys will work it out.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: It's like well, it's devastating right now to them.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: So you've got to sit in the mess with them and hear them and take their problems seriously and really try to put yourself.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: I always try to go back to and I have a very vivid memory of myself in junior high and so I try to go back to.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when you were in tension with a friend, it was everything.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: When a boy rejected you, we had a boy say something really mean to one of our girls and it brought me back to.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I remember overhearing something really mean a boy said about me on the phone.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: He didn't know I was listening, you know that'll teach you to ease draw.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: I know, and it crushed me, you know, and it wasn't just like, oh, boys are dumb, it was like that hurt and I still remember it and I was like and boys are still dumb.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: I was 12 years old and you know those things stick with you forever.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: The first time you get made fun of, especially by the opposite sex, it's just really damaging, you know.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: And so sit in them, take, sit in the problem with them and take it seriously and help them navigate it and show that mercy and compassion and don't be dismissive, because they're children and you've moved on, you know well.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: I hope you have your own adult, but like don't belittle their problems.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because someone always has a worse problem, so it's not a bad challenge of like who can outdo each other in bad situations or problems Because you might think like those aren't even adult problems.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: Adult problems are really bad.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: Well, guess what?
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: There's adults who have problems way worse than yours.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: They might be like who cares that?
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: You know, your cat just died.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: I have real problems, so you can't dismiss it.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, yeah you have to let your say go back to how it would have felt when you were there and that age and what you would have felt so yes, exactly so.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Number four don't be too hard on them.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: If you want to build a relationship with students, I'm not saying be permissive and have no boundaries and don't hurt their widdle feelings, but sometimes I think, youth pastors, we just get impatient maybe with certain things and we can be too hard on them.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: One of my favorite examples is we have a leader named Andy and he has been doing junior high with me for years and I feel like anytime students do something like the I'll just give you the example A few weeks ago we were all in the auditorium and this kid literally has a bottle shaking it, of a bottle of Dr Pepper shaking it.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: What's going to happen?
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: And we're indoors, we're in the church.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what he meant to do, yeah.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: And that's me.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: I'm like what is wrong with you?
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: So he opens it.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Of course Dr Pepper goes everywhere.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: We haven't even started the night and I just look and I make eye contact with Andy and Andy just starts cracking up.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: He's laughing so hard and I'm like, why are you laughing?
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: That's so annoying.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: He goes.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Why is he shaking it?
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: You know what's going to happen.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, they're so funny.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: I'm like then you go get the paper towel.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: But it just kind of made me be like oh, you're right, like what, it was dumb, he shouldn't have done that and he needs to be the one to clean it up.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: But I just love how Andy was just like eh, what are you going to do?
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: It's Dr Pepper, they're 12.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: It's our life, you know.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: And He'll just tell me some of the funny things his students do and he'll be like oh my gosh, he said this and like nobody could stop laughing.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: But he doesn't get annoyed, he doesn't get mad, he doesn't be like guys enough, he's just like okay, guys, let's settle down, bring it back and his kids love him.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: But he's not a pushover and he's not like not getting anything done, he's just a party animal.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: But I just love his vibe of like.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: He's not so hard on them, he sees them for who they are and doesn't expect them to be what they're not, and can roll with the punches of yeah, this is junior high ministry, what do you expect?
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: And he's married with two high school aged kids.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Like he's not like a 20-something year old, you know, irresponsible, he's very responsible.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: He just is like sweet, bring it on.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: What are we gonna do?
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Get mad?
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: No, let's just clean it up, that's fine, and so I learned so much from him in those moments of like it's okay, don't like, be too hard, because we don't want it to feel like school and we need to have an environment that allows junior hires to be junior hires and allows junior higher energy to be junior higher energy.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: High school, high school, you know, fill in the blank for whichever group you work with, but a couple of sound bites on that is always a lead with positivity of like hey, buddy, what are you doing?
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: All right, I'll show you where the paper towels are.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: You gotta clean this up, you know.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: But we don't wanna feel like they're parent, like young man, come over here right now.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: You know, we don't wanna be like that and restore quickly.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: So they will make mistakes, they'll do things that are weird, they will do things they shouldn't have done.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Why did you kick a ball at the projector and like but just like, okay, hey, you know what?
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Please don't ever do that again.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: But let's move on.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna mention it again.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I think they need to know that mistakes this is a place where mistakes are forgiven and restored quickly.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Now I want you to hear we have a whole episode on what to do with a wolf Like that's a different situation Somebody that's continually untrustworthy and abusive and toxic.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about regular junior high antics, regular student antics, things that they do, that we need to just mention and not say, hey, they run the show and can do whatever they want, but we keep in mind who we're working with and take it with a grain of salt and restore quickly and continue to move them toward the goal you know, but be patient in the process.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: I guess is what I'm saying.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: All right, number five and lastly, be accessible.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Be present and be available.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: No matter what size your group is, you need to be available and accessible to students.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I think some youth pastors think that that's the small group leader's job.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: I'm the youth pastor and I'm on stage, I do my thing and then they take care of the kids.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: But I think you need to make it that you are very accessible to students and kind of what we were saying with number one, when you can sit with them, when you can play with them, when you can be all in, so that you're always available.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Like I have kids all the time, like, can I talk to you?
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Do they know where to find us?
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Are we just always there and available and around?
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: We're not like, oh well, you guys set up, I'll be in my office getting a few things done.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: No, we should be where the people are and if you have work to do, do that during work time, but don't escape or don't isolate, don't hide out.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Be accessible with your students at every opportunity.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: I think sometimes youth pastors, everybody just kind of needs that probably that time alone not everybody, I guess, but a lot of people.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: And especially it's like okay, I'm trying to go over my notes, think about what I'm gonna say.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: You kinda need that peace and quiet.
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: I think it's just it's a good idea to make sure you allot yourself that time and make it so that when the time comes that students are arriving, that time has passed and you're finished with that, so that you can go all in, because there probably is that temptation where it's like there's stuff that needs to be done and it's not done yet.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Just do your best to have those type of things finished before then, so you're free to be available.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think one of the biggest misses is when, like you, hit it on the head when people are arriving.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: That is relational gold time.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: You shouldn't be the youth pastor that they see.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, once it starts, and now you're on stage.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: Where were you for the 15 minutes when people were arriving?
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: And you could have said hello, how was your week?
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy to see you hugging and high-fiving and all that, but where were you?
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: you were setting up something you need to schedule that somewhere else were you dotting all the I's and crossing the T's on your notes?
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll take the song of worship right before I go up and just go back to the sound booth really quick and look over my notes one more time or pray or just kind of like take a deep breath or something like that.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: But the hope is that all of that was done.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: You know like get your stuff set up.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: You should not be MIA, especially when people are arriving.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: You should be the first face they see.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: Right, yeah, like Kristen mentioned, make sure you guys check out that episode.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: It's something along the lines of how to spot a wolf, how to protect your flock from a wolf in your youth ministry.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: So check it out, knowing the difference between an infectious wolf and an infected wolf, correct?
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: Ah?
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: no, not wolf.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: An infected sheep or an infectious sheep, something?
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Watch it, get back to me, tell me what it was about.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: That was a long time ago.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: It was a long time ago.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: But remember it being really a great episode.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: You'll love it.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: We don't know why, but you will.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: Actions.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: So yeah, let us know what you think.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Right now we're gonna go into a question of the day and we want you guys to answer this too.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: This is how did people butcher your name?
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: So Kristen.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of names close to it, like Kirsten or Christine or Christina, so I always got one of those, mostly Christine, which is so funny because I don't know if I've ever seen Christine spelled with a K, but they would call me Christine.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: A lot, chris, 10.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: And then the last name, lascola a lot of La Casa.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a very.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: I mean when you really look at it, it's phonetic, it's very easy to pronounce.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: But yeah, like people with ad letters, they used to get Lascazo.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: It was like my college pastor.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: For a longest time he's calling me Lascazo and I thought he was just joking around and then finally I was like what's my last name?
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: And he's like Lascazo and I'm like there's no Z.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: Where do you get that?
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: It was months he'd been calling me that.
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: I like it La Casa, the other one that I just boggles my mind.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: So my full name, jeffrey, it's J, e, f, f, r, e, y In my entire life, I have only seen one person not talking about the Geo-free, the G E O.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: F F Geo-free.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that, whatever they can have that.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: But when it's spelled with the J, only one time in my life have I ever seen it J E, f, f, e, r Y.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: It's always R E Y.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: Everybody always spells it E R Y.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: It's so weird, but it's like try and find one that that's actually how they spell it.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: There's very few people that spell it that way, and yet that is always the way people misspell it.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: I actually get that as my email address because I'm sure I'm missing a lot of emails.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I remember.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know why this reminds me, but this was a youth pastor fail.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: You can have this one for free.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I was trying to get to know this kid and remember I was like he was brand new and I'm like hey, what's your name?
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: I've never met you.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: And he just looks at me and goes my name is Alfredo.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: And I just look at him and I go whatever.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Because he was very dry.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: He was very dry, like his face got all like has always been that way.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: And I thought he was joking.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: It seems like a smart aleck.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: Oh, my name's Alfredo.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: All of his friends were like Alfie, alfie, you came and I'm like I think I've made a huge mistake.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Luckily he forgave me.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: That's why you just say, hey you, when you don't know their names.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I just rolled my eyes, whatever.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: No time for you, Alfie.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: I wasn't even in the mood I'm like I was going out here to meet you and be your friend and then you just, oh, my name's Spaghetti.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: It's like, okay, whatever, kid.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: And he came back.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: He did forever.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: God bless him.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: Until he graduated from high school.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: All right, we're gonna do a community comment of the day.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: This is from Spartan honor 24 seven who says just hits different.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Jeff and Kristen are amazing.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: They bring great tips and advice to working in youth ministry.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: Their podcasts are relatable and fun to listen to.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: You would never think that listening to someone talk could be so interactive.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: I like when he said just hits different Cool Spartan, hey partner.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: We appreciate that.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much for leaving that comment for us.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so so nice.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you guys for watching and listening and we will see you next time.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: Coach podcasts, where we bring you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast track the growth and health of your youth ministry.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: My name is Kristen Lascola and this is Doofus, fun Dum, dum and a kid live ah, my tongue hurts.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: Well, I bit it the other day and that when I said literally I had to like, ah, that hurt my tongue.