Latest / Pod Therapy / #356: Demonetizing Hobbies, Becoming Unbothered

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#356: Demonetizing Hobbies, Becoming Unbothered · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna I'm behind all those No, I don't
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: know any of those words. So right now I'm just
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'm walking along and like, no, this this man is
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: the cult leader. Now will fable him? He says, jump
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: off the ledge we jumped.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: This episode is made possible by our therapy partner's sturdy
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: beat Picket. Then Jake Schneider from Fabulous Las Vegas, and
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: that this is pod therapy, real people, real problems, and
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: real therapists. You can submit your questions anonymously at pod
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: therapy dot net or email us at pod therapy Guys
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: at gmail dot com. It's another Whitney List episode, No
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: Welcome and now broadcast from the stern.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: That's Jim. I'm Nick.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: It's time for some pod therapy. Man.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: She is really stretching out this Italy traits. This is
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: so here.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: So here's the thing. Because I was, uh, I was
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: wondering whether or not she was gonna be here. Okay,
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: I know she's not only because I went on her
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: Instagram and I saw that she posted a picture. I
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: believe this morning, okay, just like our last day in Italy.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Blah blah blah. That's how you figured it out. Yeah,
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: but here's the thing. I could be completely wrong. I
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: think she posted that just for us.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, to let us let us know I'm coming.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Because here's the thing. I know she told us when
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: she was coming back, and she knows we have.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: And so she's like in that mode of like, I'm
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: not going to just text you and let you know, yeah,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: because like we talked about this, but I'm going to
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: allow you to discover in case you didn't you know,
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: fully get it.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: It was definitely that vibe.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Well, because she's she's still on the group text.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so she saw that we were going to record
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: today instead of tomorrow, yes, because would she would. Initially
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: she said that she might be at the recording tomorrow
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: because I think she gets in tomorrow morning.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: See, yeah, see he was listening way more than either
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: of Yeah, it's a good thing.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: We don't get paid to listen.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And there was a comment made, you're not gonna
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: come record that night just getting in.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right now I remember. Yeah, we were like,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: now come on, you know.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: You're but we had to push it today recording for me,
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: we're recording earlier.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: You're traveling, what's going on traveling?
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: Tonight going down to uh to see a concert tonight,
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: a little a little indie up and coming artist Taylor Swift.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: I've is that how it's pronounced? Yeah, of Swift Sift.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: I thought it was.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: I saw a Swift. I've heard she tries her a
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: little heart out, you know, and like it's one of
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: the way things. Yeah, you know, you'll get there and
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: you be like, oh, it's she makes it. You know
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: she won't, you know, but it's so hard to make
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: in this business.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really who you know.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: Even having the the number one tour of all time,
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: it's still it's still tricky.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: Yeaheah.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: So that's pretty fun. So where where are y'all seeing it? At?
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: New Orleans? Going down to Orleans? Yeah, I've heard of
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: that place. Pretty cool. You're flying all the way there
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: for that. That's gonna be a great show. Ye that's
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: gonna be a lot of fun.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: It's gonna be at the Falcons Stadium there.
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: That is Atlanta that you're thinking of, Yeah, a little
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: bit Atlanta.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: That was it again? That's weird, but I feel like
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: it was that scene in Super Troopers where he puts
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: a bar of soap in his coffee rookie bitch. Yeah,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: that's just weird. That's right, great break farvae, so make
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: him killing an idiot.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: There was a minute that both of their stadiums were
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: sponsored by Mercedes.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah that yeah, because I do remember seeing the super
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: Dome had the Mercedes was.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: The Mercedes super Dome at the Mercedes Stadium in Atlanta.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: So it's the Caesar Super do it's sponsored. You all
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: has Caesars Palace. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Do you consider
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: yourself as swifty? I mean, your wife performs as filling
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not, okay, but I mean I like her. I
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I admire her. I think she's I think she's great
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: at what she does, you know, and I'm really looking
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: forward to the concert. I will give you credit for that.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: You.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I consider you a guy who never really nay says art, like,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: you know, if it's not your style, if it's not
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: your thing, never be against it. You're always like no, no,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: but I'm pro art and like it's hard to make things.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I respect them. No, I mean what she does is incredible. Yeah,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: it's best of what she does. It shouldn't be possible.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: No, there's so many things that she does that just
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: shouldn't be possible, right, is Lse like that?
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: Just I he's just unattainable.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't get him, you know, like, I mean,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: how are you getting this girl? You know? Take your win.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: He's the trophy that's in the end, I'm sure, like
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: of all of her achievements, Travis kills he's the most confusing.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Okay, but if you had if you had to pick,
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: just if you had to pick, Okay, Travis or Jason,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: which would you? Oh?
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Jason one.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: I think Jason too.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: If I had to pick one. To hang out with
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Jason Kelsey, yeah that too. Yeah.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Oh, to make love to Jason Kelsey. It's uh have
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: you seen in all cases? Right?
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Well, I think we're on the same side. Have you
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: seen his sexy Campbell soup commercial? No, it's best. So
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: he's been hired by Campbell's soup. I'll tell you what.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Those Kelsey brothers, they're so good.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: Somebody at one point in their life said hey, make
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: hey when the sun shines, and they fucking listened to They.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: They've been doing so well. So Jason Kelsey is the
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: official spokesperson for Chunky Soup. Great is it just a
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: big bone? Dude? He's like on this like animal fur rug,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: like you know, biting wonder lip and he's like, you know,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: give Chunky a chance. And it's so funny. Fine with
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: all that, He's great. He's just sitting there like slowly
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: eating soup. It's got no shirt on. It's so good.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: I love it. So Yeah. If I had to pick
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: a Kelsey brother to settle down with, it's Jason Travis.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: He wants to party, he wants to go out and
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: see the world. I was out till two am last night,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: and I'm angry about it. That's not That's not Jason's
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: my speed. Jason's the guy. He wakes up at five
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: am and he starts doing chores.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: You're you're a knuggle up and watch a Netflix on
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: the sofa under a blanket.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: That sounds fantastic. Yeah, And then you know, Jason's the
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: guy is gonna wake up early and I'm gonna wake
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: up at seven and I'm gonna see him and I
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: be like, oh hey, babe, what have you been up to?
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: And he's so many things.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: Jason will have coffee for you.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: He'll have coffee. Well, that'll be the second pot. You know,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: he's already drained the first and he's probably already walked
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: the yard, pulled the weeds like he's just been doing things.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Jason's jass guy. Jason's my guy, Travis. You know, he's like, oh,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: let's keep going out, you know. No, No, like Travis. It's
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: it's past nine. I don't what are we doing here?
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: And then it's gonna get weird, you know. So that's
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: what I've written in my journal.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but a rare moment of agreements between hosts.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: We're on the same side. Yeah, but I mean we
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: didn't check him with Jacob, like I mean, it's Jacob
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: a Travis Kelsey guy or a Jason.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Oh he's Travis. No, no, yeah, yeah yeah.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Young Jacob was Travis. I feel like this version of
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Jacob he is Jason Kelsey, Like he doesn't need Jason Kelsey.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: He is Jason.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Like.
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  Speaker 1: I don't think he's trying to like go out and
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: party if he's not getting paid for it, Like I
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: don't think he wants to. I think he like Jason Kelsey,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: recently was photographed falling asleep at the Taylor Swift Show.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: One Jacob's gonna do that, like you think? So, no
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: floor I'm not sitting down. Are you out there? Are
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: you dancing?
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: We got we got we got floor tickets, like we're
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: we're down there, like we had party.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: We got good seats like yeah, we're we're there, man,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: we're right next to the runway. Oh boy, that's too much.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: That's loud. Always be loud at that.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: No, that's Travis. Will you wear Jason?
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: That for Jacob? Well not now? Now he seems to
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: be like showcasing this Travis thing. But I think it's
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: him trying to like portray himself as young. But I
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: don't think that's true. I think he's adjacent at heart
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: or what's your truth? I don't know, Probably somewhere in
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: the middle, okay, but some of us are going for Taylor.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Now it's a l sounds super care about. Oh lord,
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: you will y'all wear ear plugs to concerts, to live concerts.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'll take them.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: I'll have them.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: I'll have them with that's the move. Yeah, I I
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: did not do that. I have like on my key
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: ring here, this is all the keys that I carry.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: Really, I have.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I have my my car key.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: I have a little USB, a little USB thing e
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: there and then this little thing.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: That looks like it holds cocaine. And that's just ear plugs.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: How are you living? How do you get into your house?
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I managed fine, Jim, don't worry about me through the chimney. Yeah,
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Santa closet your way into your own house.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Like literally we're in a studio that I know you
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: have keys for it.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: I do have.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: These are my studio. These are my my podcast keys.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Has my little my little pigases. Yeah, little keychain on it.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this has the this has like the podcasting keys
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: on it. But this just lives in the car.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: That didn't come out of the car unless I'm coming
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: in here. You get your real Like these are my
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: personal key ring and that's just the car. That's just
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: the car.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: I got car got USB, I got uh and I
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: got my ear plugs. I keep ear plugs everywhere though
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: I have. I have these little it's the same ear plugs.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: So I bought like ten of these things and it's
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: just these tiny little earplugs. You can't tell when I'm
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: wearing them because they just disappear into my ear, okay
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: because that's very small. Yeah yeah, and uh so I've
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: got those like I keep those. I keep one on
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: my key ring, I keep one set at work. I
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: keep one set in my car both of our cars.
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: I've got sets in the cars.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Very diligent with the ear I like to I like
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: to have access to my earplugs.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, just in case you're driving someplace and there's
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: like sirens that you just want to.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Not just kind off is telling a story and it's
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: getting we just suddenly put this in here, and.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's kind of there are times we record that
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: he just kind of checks out on that's what it is.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: Now, he mutes us. He's wearing a headset, he's listening
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: to music one hundred, one hundred. It's funny because when
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: we record on Sunday mornings, you know what he's doing.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: He's got his iPad, he's watching football, and we'll be like,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: what do you think? Like, yeah, I think it's great
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: to go see a therapist.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Here we go.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I don't blame him. If I could just
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: sewn out and watching football, it sounds good. We've got
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: some great questions for today's Whitney Free episode. You're welcome, Yeah,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: and the first one is uh is called diversifying My
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: joy from longtime supporter Oscar swanros Hey Pop Therapy, longtime
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: listener and supporter here, first time writer. First of all,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: thank you for all the work that you do. Listening
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: to this podcast over the past few years has been
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: a weekly highlight and I've learned so much from your insights.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I'm truly thankful. Thanks Oscar. Well, you're the boss, so
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: that's hy praise. You know, anytime the bosses tell us
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: we're doing a good job, and we'll stick to it.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I've worked in the software industry my whole life, since
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I was around sixteen I'm currently thirty. Software and computers
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: were the only thing that interested me, and I got
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: into it hard to the point that I'm not only
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: it not only became my job, but also my personality
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: and my identity. It was fun, I found it fascinating,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I was good at it, and it paid really well.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: What could go wrong right, well a lot. And when
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I realized that this has doing more harm than good
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: for me, I started to move away from programming and
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: seeking other sources of meaning and satisfaction in my life.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I thought I was in a good spot. Fast forward
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: to late last year. The company that I worked for
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: went through layoffs Fortunately I got to keep my job,
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: but the whole experience shook me. I had a lot
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: of survivor guilt, but also I realized that I still
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: had some work to do as I realized that my
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: job was still a concisit part of whom I believed
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: I was as a person. Just the idea of losing
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: it made me feel threatened as an individual. It was
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: not pretty. I like my job at what I do
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: and the opportunities that it opens for me, but I
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: did not like that feeling. So in twenty twenty four
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I got to work actively seeking other sources of satisfaction
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: and joy or even meaning, so that even if my
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: job went away, I could still feel complete. My problem.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I have the tendency of turning everything I'm interested in
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: into a business or job. For instance, I got really
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: into coffee and decided that it'd be more fun if
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: I was involved in a coffee brand. So I did that,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: and it was not fun. I got burned and then
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: lost some money. This has happened a couple of times
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: this year alone, but this is a pattern I now notice,
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: and it has happened many many times over the last decade.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: My latest interest is scuba diving. I'm now a certified
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: diver and have really enjoyed getting to travel to cool
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: places and see pretty fish, meet new people, and being outside.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: But I can already feel my tendency creeping. Should I
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: become an instructor and open my own SCOPA school? Oh
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: my goodness? Should I approach someone to invest in their
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: scoop of school? Should I pursue this as a career?
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: You know? Do you have any tips on how to
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: approach this? How can I become better at setting boundaries
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: to keep enjoying the things I like in the long term?
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Why am I constantly trying to find a business angle
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: to the things I like? And how do I turn
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: it off? I'm afraid that I will never be able
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: to do something just for fun, that I will always
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: have to fight this compulsion of making money from the
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: things that I enjoy, which eventually turns them into something
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: I no longer enjoy or care for, or even worse,
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I start to despise them. I'm currently in therapy and
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: have been since I was a teenager, and this year
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: I also started taking medication to treat a HD and
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: depression anxiety symptoms. Greetings from Guadalajara, Mexico. Hope to meet
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: you find folks in real life one day. Signed Oscar swanros.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you for being a listener and thanks for
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: being a supporter of the show. Appreciate that.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: I'm glad your hobby is something you put money into
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: and good news. Uh, this is the one what scuba diving?
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: This is?
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: This is the one.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: Uh, this is the one that you can make into
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: a business. It'll be successful. You'll just make money and
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: you'll be happy for the rest of your life.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, okay, So the problem is is that he
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: just didn't find the right one yet.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: That's it. Scooba would work. Yeah, that makes sense. Yes
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: he is. That's full stop. Oh thanks buddy. I'll take it.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: The throw boom yep.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Through my water.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Thanks Bud. I'm gonna go get that mad.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: This is uh.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: I actually ended up hanging out with a professional scuba
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: diver the other night, a guy that travels all over
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: the place and he does instruction and everything. I didn't
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: I didn't exactly catch the reason for all the travel
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: other than just scuba instruction. Yeah, but uh, but yeah,
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: it sounds like it sounds like fun.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: Maybe because he's from Missouri, so he's got to travel
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: to actually do is bad.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Probably that's all the travel travel. It's one of those
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: things where it's like golf where you spend a bunch
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: of money on your own equipment, or is it one
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: of those things where like you just rent it wherever
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: you go and you don't care.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: I'm sure that the people who do it more than
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: once or twice, probably by their own.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: But if you're traveling, you're not trying to fucking ship
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: all that. Well, you don't take the tanks, yeah, okay,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: you take you get the tanks usually where you're at
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: the footy fin things. You probably you travel with those. Okay,
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: take either of you ever scuba you have?
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Really I've snorkeled. I've snorkeled and some light scubaing. Okay,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: just like over the clothes stuff or what like.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Good one.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks budd, thank you.
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: There we're getting along.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're having a day. You and me are getting
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: along really good. Seven years were.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: I would never go like like open ocean. Yeah fine,
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: I would never do play like cave express different. That's
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: that's sh It's scary. I don't know how this happened.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Actually, me and that guy. We talked about that the
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: other night.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: The what was it, the soccer team or something that
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: got trapped in an underwater cave years ago and they
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: had to they had to rescue cave divers in, yeah,
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: to get them out. Uh, but it was like that
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: that they had to knock the people out, that they
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: had to send a doctor in and sedate them because
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: the the cave tunnels in and out were so close,
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: they were so tight.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Uh.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: They were like, if you you don't think you're claustrophobic,
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: you get into a pitch black cave tunnel underwater and go.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: And that's why they were like, we have to knock
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: these people out before we get them out.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, because even if we even if we
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: put all like the regulator and everything in their mouth
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: and everything, they're gonna freak out.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: And the only way they couldn't they tried sending down
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: rescue divers, and the rescue divers couldn't do it.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: They had to they had to use cave divers. Holy,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: because it's a different level of not being claustrophobic. I mean, like,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: obviously that sounds horrible, but honestly, just snorkeling is too
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: much for me, Like my face underwater and then breathing
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: that is scary. It is okay, You're not wrong. Thanks,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: you're not wrong. There's an instinct in your.
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: Brain don't do this, just holds even knowing that like
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: the surface of the water is like at my ears.
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: It's just something about having your face under.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: It's not okay. And it's weird, right because when you
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: breathe snorkeling it's not easy, like it's not like, oh,
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: this just is like no big deal, like there's some
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: effort like to like first couple of breaths.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: It's weird.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I can't do it anyway. Oscar, thanks for writing in. Uh,
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: that's all the advice that we got that settle so
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: like turning hobbies into things. I feel like, Nick, this
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: is something you've done.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: So it's funny because listening to him describe it, I
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: wish I were more like.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Him, that you could monetize your hobbies.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like I know, I created mental fit, you know,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: but like that is so far. I'm so far in
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: the other end of the spectrum from where Oscar is
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: as far as like I don't have that entrepreneurial mindset.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you're just I do not have that, don't.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: I don't either, so I don't do it.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: So, like with Mental Fit, it took a lot of
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: energy and a lot of mental energy and really kind
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: of forcing myself to get outside my comfort zone and
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: really try to work and make this happen. Yeah, which
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: funny story, I did end up meeting up with our
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: mutual friend contact about like marketing this this business. Oh
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: okay yeah, and said the same thing that every single
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: person I've talked to you has said to me. He's like,
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: get a you need to have an Instagram.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: So okay, side sorry. I had Nick and Whitney come
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: to my class and talk to my students and it
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: went really well, and I was bragging on Nick for
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: a minute and I was like, you know, my friend
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: has created this this personal training business and he, you know,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: is doing it in a very therapy informed way, and
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: I just feel like he's the only guy in the
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: block doing that. And the sales pitch of just describing
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: what you do crushed immediately. All the students were like,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: oh no, he's a genius that needs to happen. And
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: then they all because they are under seventy years old
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: asked the same question. Simultaneously. They are pulling out their
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: phones to be like I am sold, I want to
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: support you. I'm probably interested in working with you, and
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: they all ask the same question, what's your Instagram? An
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: old man tangiment on his dial. He just stares at
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: them like the spacecraft and he's like, well, I don't
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: really have that, and just the disbelief on their faces,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: whether they're like, can I give you some business advice?
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: You should be findable, It's like I'm in the phone book,
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: you can find me, and like the white pages, I
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: had to reassure them. I'm like, he has a website.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: And then the nick's like, oh, yeah, I have a website.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Can I tell you that? And they're like I guess,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: like yeah, it's fine, but like why don't you have Instagram?
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: But I'm kind of on your team on that because
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: like a lot of private practices are big into like
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: having Instagram and so and like I just I don't
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: think that's appropriate, Like I just don't like it. But yeah,
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: so I'm kind of on your team on that.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: But this is it's like opening a business in the
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: eighties and not having a phone yeah, yeah, or a
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: fax machine.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: You don't have one of those. That's a big deal.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: So you're not like this either, Jacob. You just don't
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: have that like turn everything into like now I have
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: an idea, like there's an angle on this.
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: I just uh no, I I work really hard to
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: keep my professional life and my personal life kind of separate.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Is that why you have a stage name when you're
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: sure okay, yeah, the Peppermint?
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: Uh No.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: I I work really hard to keep you know, I
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: have my I get home. I've now trained myself so well.
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah that by the time I get home, I literally
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: do not.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Think about work at all. You're done, I'm out. Okay.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: It's not dislike of anything or whatever. It's not it's
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: not about that, but it is. It is purely about
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: keeping those things separate. Allan's uh. Like, my wife will
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: ask me when I get home from from doing shows,
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: how was work?
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Work was fine?
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: You don't care, That's the extent of of that conversation. Yeah,
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: And then she will talk to one of our friends
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: that that I work with. Oh yeah, I've ever heard this,
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: and she'll be like, hey, you know, you know, and
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: our friend will we'll be talking. My wife and be like, oh,
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: I'm sure Jacob told you all about this, but this
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: was crazy and this was crazy. It was crazy, and
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: she's like, Jacob didn't tell me, idiot that.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. President Biden was there, you know, and just said
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: to everybody and igraphs.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: In fairness, it's because by the time I got home,
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: I had forgotten about those things, just completely, like they're
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: just out of my head.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: Have you ever thought about starting a business? Have you ever,
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: like because i mean, obviously in podcasting you're a business owner, Yeah,
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: but like, have you ever just throughout life had those
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: moments where were like, you know what, I'm good at this,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: or I have an idea and like maybe I just
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: kind of want to work.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: For myself and like we have a loose retirement plan okay, uh,
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: that we that we kind of bat around every now
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: and then. I'm sorry, A loose possibility of a retirement plan, okay,
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: which is.
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: You've got concepts of a concept of a concepts.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Of a plan. Uh, and that is a bar in
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: southern town somewhere.
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and just run a run a bar that has
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: a stage, you know, and you'll have bands, have comedy.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: That's it. You would do so well. I think I
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: think it would be very good at that. That's the
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: little roadhouse, that's it exactly. He would do so well
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: at that, like, oh my god, like that would I
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: think it would be like we could both we're both
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: very good at being those people already. Yes, here's where
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I think you would fail if I met go ahead,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: because I do think you'd be good at it. I
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: think you would do too well. And I think he
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: would underby. I think he'd get a small venue because
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: he's like, I don't know, stress, Yes, I think he would.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: He would easily outperform his venue because they if they
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: went became bookers, they would book that ship up with
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: real talent right all the time.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: That's but but that's fine though, because then it's a
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: good problem to demand that. I'm saying, though you just
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: charged double.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: For the time you charged more at the doors. Then
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: it becomes like this whole ship you know, best kept
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: secret kind of thing, like if you know, you know,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: but now you get up update the the soire, you
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: gotta make it like that's fine. That's what would be
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: your theme? What would be We have gotten so far
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: away from Oscars, I don't know the theme, don't don't
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: act like you haven't thought of this.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: I haven't.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: Then I'm angry you. Why have you not thought this through?
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: I know what it would be his theme? That's you're
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: being silly.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: It would be the South will rise again, obviously the
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: Confederates clearly, Yeah, just on the nose, and he would
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: be the only one down there, and that would have
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: that idea.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Totally. Nobody's thought of it. But it's the loudest dog
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: whistle you've ever heard. There's just the line around the box.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: They're all so excited to get in there. Oh yeah,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: that's that's what it would be. Yeah, that's probably so Oscar.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: I mean I really Oscar open a Southern theme bar.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're going with this.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: So, like I relate a little bit to this from
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: this angle of like it's hard to just relax and
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: enjoy something without you know either. I mean, like for
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Oscar's part, he tries to monetize it. But I think
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: a lot of people find that they struggle because and
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: this is something I think Nick you do. You can't
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: just enjoy something and not get good at it. You
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: have to like get into it. And and like like
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: I was like, hey, bro, why don't you become why
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: don't you do a little bit of art, Like why
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: don't you dabble? And like you fucking mastered Adobe Photoshop
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: and like started like anguishing over everything. I'm like, bro,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: we do not have anybody buying these, Like, you do
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: not have to try this hard. I'd like talk you down.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Like the reason I'm laughing is because I woke up
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: early this morning, I had some time to kill, so again,
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: I got into Madden Football and I'm still in the
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: tutorial scene trying to learn how to recognize defensive coverages.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: Come on, yeah, another perfect example. You played this fucking
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: game because you can't just relax and just play it.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: You're like, no, I gotta get rid. Like you did
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: this same thing with you had a baseball game for
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: years and it was like so outdated, and you're just
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: like so the same thing. Like I mean with with
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: a photoshop music, you can never just you know, half
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: asset and just show me like I like this, it's fun.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Like you're just like, no, I have to like master.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: I think I think my wave my problem.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: Let's be real. Yeah, it's a little bit different than oscars.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: The way that he describes it, it's almost kind of
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: like it kind of reminds me of I think I
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: talked about this last week. Some golfers that I know, yes,
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: that have to have skin in the game. Yeah, okay,
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: like can't get it. You can't just go and play
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: and have fun with it. It's got to mean something.
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: It's got to have an impact, Like I have to
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: have the potential to win something big, and I'm willing
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: to risk losing something because it makes it exciting.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: That's funny.
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: After we uh, after last week's episode out if you remember,
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: but I said I was going to popstroke.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: The mini plate, the mini.
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: Golf thing, and so a group of us with the
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: next day, and because of our conversation, I suggested, I
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: was like, let's play. That's money, let's bet on these.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: We're gonna do a dollar a hole. The most you
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: can lose is eighteen dollars.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: That's nothing.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: And it was just every the winner of every hole wins,
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: you know that in the for of us, So like
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: the winner of every hole wins three dollars a hole.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: That's fun. And yeah, it changed the game. And the
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: other three people all laughed when I suggested it.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: They all went that stupid, we don't need to do that,
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: and I went okay, fine, and then like five minutes later,
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: we're walking down to the to the course and and
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: our buddy was like, all right, so we're gonna do it.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: We're gonna do a dollar a hole, and I went, great,
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: if you guys want to do it, I'm in and
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: you'll buy whole three.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I'm just walking relaxed, having a good time, and they're
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: fucking on. They're like, all right, who's winning?
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: And I can I even come up with a tie
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: breaker because you know, it's it's mini cough, Like we're
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: gonna have the same score on holes. So closest to
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: the hole on the next hole wins the previous hole
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: because you could just roll it over. Yeah, yeah, you
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: could pay it the hole you could roll it over,
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: but that seems like a lot. Yeah, So like we're
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: going to settle each hole as quickly as possible. So yeah,
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: the closest, like your first shot, closest the hole on
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: the next is the tie breaker.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: For the last time, I think they all stopped drinking.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, nobody's I want an espresso, Yeah, bring me
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: a red Bull.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: They're readings, Yeah, using the.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Getting the caddy. Yeah all right, So you're gonna notice
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: it breaks left on this mean while I am like
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: ordering Drakes because they have the QR codes set up
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: around so you can order drinks and they'll walk them
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: out to the hole that you're at, and I'm just
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: ordering drinks at like every other hole. I was definitely
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: the loser on the night.
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: I didn't care, like, out of the eighteen dollars I
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: could have lost, I think I lost sixteen.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you were the winner in fun.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: I had a great time. That's the point of it.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: It's amazing how putting that just changes everything. Well that's
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: what they said. They were like, this is this changes
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: the whole game. This makes it so much better.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so, Oscar, have you tried gambling on screen?
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: It's yes, by you're twenty bucks. You don't come back, bitch,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Actually send us that you're a therap producer, so we
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: actually would just like you're to give us twenty dollars,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Like that's pretty helpful. Actually no, but it is a
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: very relatable thing that it And I've seen this in
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: a lot of people, and it's interesting because I think
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: like people that are just they're the kind of folks that,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: like you said, are I think similar to you. They
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: don't have ass so like, if they're interested in something,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: they're part of their interest in it is mastery of it.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Like they enjoy the complexity of it, and that's part
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: of how they're having fun, and other people get mad
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: at them, like stop, just just enjoy the game. You
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: don't have to like understand all the mechanics of the game.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: But I think we have to respect that some people's
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: brains work like that, and they're like, no, this is
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: part of my fun is I enjoy how it's done,
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: and I want to do it well, and so I'm
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: really into it. And I think that's actually great. Like
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of like letting people enjoy their thing.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: However they enjoy their thing, I mean monetizing it's interesting,
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Like I can appreciate why that becomes problematic over some
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: time that you're like, oh, I like scuba, let me
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: make it a business. And I think, you know, Oscar
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: talks about like I burn myself out on that, you know,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: so like once I start doing that, it's not fun
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: anymore because now it's a job, you know, And so
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: now it's no longer an escape, it's another task on
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: my list and in gosh, buddy, I mean, I love
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: that you're self aware. I love that you catch that
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: about yourself. It sounds like Oscar's resisting that so far
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: with Scuba, but is having those thoughts and so I
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: like that. I like that Oscar is not giving into
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: that again. Like I mean, it will ruin your your
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: fun I mean, very very quickly once. I think a
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: little touch of something becoming more interesting because it's monetized
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: sometimes makes it more fun. But I think when you're
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: working at it, that sucks.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean this all. Actually, I don't know if Oscar,
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you're learning anything about this, but
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: I am. I'm learning a lot from work. This is it.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: It really speaks a lot to my relationship with golf because,
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: like I, when it comes to like a I can't
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: leave a puzzle half done, like I can't. I have
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: to finish it. I have to see the end product.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: Like you said, I mastery is what I'm after, right,
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Mastering whatever it is that I'm doing is what I'm after.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: So when you pick a sport that can't be mastered right,
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: then it's it's incredibly frustrating and you just get.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: So Yeah, you're just gonna Bobby Fisher one day, I
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: feel like you're just gonna snap and just go be
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: like some weird ass dude like on the streets in
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: fucking Finland or something whatever Bobby Fisher did. I think
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: that's what you're gonna do and just feel like this guy,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: it's like a Gulf savant, but like he doesn't play anymore.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: He just leaves the course like three holes in after
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: he just eagled, and he just like fucking eagles three
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: courts and then he's like, I don't want to play anymore.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: Have a five year long beard. Yeah, yeah, madded that's yeah,
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: that's absolutely you in your sixties.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's one hundred gonna be you anyway. Oscar, good luck. Yeah.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: I don't have a whole lot of really helpful advice,
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: but it's so.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, Oscar already knows he's diagnosed the problem.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I think he's he's observed the solution, which is I've
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: got to prevent myself from behaving like I'm going to
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: be inclined in that way, but I can stop myself
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: like something.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: You can find something that you could say like, Okay,
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: here's how I'm going to define mastering this thing. Yeah,
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: and not make it about I'm not gonna make the
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: definition of mastery making money. So setting some goals and
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: setting some goals going into us. This is my achievements list.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I want to be able to do this in a year,
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: this and two years, and none of those be monetizing.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: I don't need to start a band. I just need
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: to learn the solo for Hotel California. God like, that's
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: that's my that's my mastery. Not being able to start
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: a band and make money, yeah, you know, or something
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: like that. I don't know.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm with you. Maybe maybe I think
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: you nail it. Setting some goals I think i'd do,
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: but now I'm just so distracted. Can you play the
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: solo from Hotel California.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: I can play the first little bar, a first few
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: bars of it. I know the whole song on bass,
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: the bass part on that is really shut up. Listen
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: to it again, litten to listen to yourself. Base.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Listen to yourself.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: The base carries that song.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: You don't tell people I know the base, so of
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: course you do. Of course you do. I know it.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I've never enjoyed you don't. I can do it you
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: don't a base right now, flawless, I'll that you can't.
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: I'm willing to go home. You guys keep recording. I'll
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: go home, I'll go get the base. I'll come back
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: just to prove to you.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: I don't bet whatever amount of money you want to
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: bet you can't play the bass part Hotel Cantifford.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Yes, all right, Oscar, we got.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: To move on. But listen, Uh, it's relatable. I mean,
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: it's something that I think everybody's touched. But I love
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: that you're just creating the boundary, right, Like I love
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: your creating a personal restriction. I love Nick's advice creating
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: a different set of goals that become your your objective, right,
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: and then that becomes achievable. It's something fun for you.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: It's fun to aim for that, and then that doesn't
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: require us to like get so interested that we're monetizing something.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: And then just learning from your past, right, I mean,
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: whenever you've ruined a bunch of because you've tried to
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: monetize them and then realizing like no, please don't do
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: this again, Like, just enjoy this set different goals, try
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: to achieve those. Don't make it something you're out there
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: doing professionally. And you know, I think it's okay to
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: enjoy teaching a hobby. I think that's nice. I think
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: there's people that enjoy what they they the their thing,
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: and then they're kind of like, oh, I like coaching this,
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: you know, like I enjoy shooting pool er, I enjoy
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: playing golf. Like if you said, oh, I enjoy this hobby,
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: you know, I love golf, I like to play, I
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: enjoy the sport, I enjoy the craft. I've taught a
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: few lessons and that was really fun for me, and
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: it unlocked a whole new aspect of this hobby that
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: I've never really accessed before. But I've spent so much
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: time learning so much. I really enjoy giving that to
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: other people. I'm fine with that. I don't see that
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: as a problem if you can continue to do it
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: for free with friends. But once you hang your shingle
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: and you're like, I am now a professional golf instructor,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: I think it ruins it for you.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it becomes work job.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: So I like the idea of setting different achievable goals,
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: measuring your enjoyment of the thing against that, and just honestly,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day Oscar stopping yourself. I mean,
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: that's got to be it. You've got to just handcuff
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: yourself to never do this. But it's interesting because Oscar
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: talks about having ADHD and just starting meds. I'm really
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: curious if that's gonna help tamp this down. I think
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: a lot of people that you know have ADHD and
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: ultimately get the meds, they notice some changes in impulsivity.
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: I was kind of thinking of that too.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: I'm curious about workout anyway, Oscar, thank you for supporting
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: our show. You've been wonderful to us, much more than
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: we deserve. And thanks for this question. We ended up
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: having a good time with it, but not answering it.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and when we come back,
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: we're talking about how to become unbothered. You're listening to
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: pod Therapy.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Today's episode is brought to you by Smitty Scoop, Mason Miller,
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: Tess Miller, Biler, t Paris, Team, monicos wanros Hannah, Marie,
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: Emma Cain, Myra, Myra, Myra and Myra and Myra. She's
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: in it because I forgot to add her name.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: I noticed, yeah, yeah, and so yeah, what.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: You like to re sponsor to the show, become a
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: therap producer patreon dot com, slash therapy, and you get
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: to hear your name at times like this. Yeah, if
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: I remember to put it in there.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: I love that you and I after so many years
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: of doing this together and splitting our duties one duty,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: one really strong part of our relationship. Nobody takes shots
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: at the other guy when he drops the ball, like
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: there's what the time, that's all we'd be doing like
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: it just it's never a thing where the other guy's like, hey,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: you know, get your ship together, fix this or nope, nope,
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: just it's fine because I will eventually drop that ball
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: to and so there's just no judgment, like it's fine,
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: I'll just clean up the mess. That being said, you
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: should get your ship together, thanks Bud. Yeah, well I
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: need that. I need that pull up.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: All right?
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: What do we got? What's our?
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: What's o? Where does self help books ever published?
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: Oh? Yes, I'm excited which self help book?
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: Self help book claims you can improve your life by
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: practicing tantric potato gardening, combining ancient spiritual techniques with vegetable cultivation.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: Gym's autobiography. Final answer, I wish that if my I
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: wish my life was that interesting. But I had tantrik
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: potato farming in there.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: Hey, the spud shaman enlightening, enlightenment through potato planting. I
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: like that. Tantrik potato gardening, Harvest your inner piece that's
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: on the nose, root chakra, vegetables, A guide to spiritual
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: farming or d potatoes and mantras, a journey to the soul.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: Give me C. I was gonna say, I want C.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: That sound that's just a great hook like that title
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: sounds like I would pick that up. All right, I'll
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: take Then.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: I'll go A because A is A is the spud shaman.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: Spud Shaman was solid. Yeah, solid tanshrik potato gardening. Sometimes
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: don't bury the lead, sometimes come right out like that
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: because the title. I love that. That's that's awesome.
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: All right. What is the title of the self help
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: book that encourages people to unleash their inner horse by
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: nighing and galloping to achieve personal freedom.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Yes, I'm so glad this is real. It is uh
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: your main endeavor. Yeah, I like that unleashing your innered
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: mister ed like that two times for Yes, that's begs
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: for the soul. That's all right, hoof beats to happiness,
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: embracing your inner stallion.
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, look this horse in the mouth. Yes, nay sayers
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: be gone, gallop to greatness. Oh yes, these are also
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: good horse wisdom, personal growth through equine expression. It's got
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: to be that. Yeah, that's that sounds unbridled success. Trot
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: your top, give me give me D.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: Last time I got it.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: This time I got the D.
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: Give me that D. All right, give him D. Give
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: me ship. They're all so good. I mean, it's it's
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: obviously C. But I'm putting my heart into I want
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: to A or B. Actually I'll take A. I'll take you.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go see and it is. Of course
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: And are you proud of yourself? You know your point? Yeah,
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: you answered the point that, yeah, I I I wish
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: I didn't do it. Unbridled success is the people's champion. Okay,
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: that was the correct speaks to happiness is pretty good.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty good. They're all so good.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: But I also like the pun of.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: Yes. So honestly, I think what we've just learned is
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: that the publisher of that book fucked up. I think
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: they they published that book as a monster. You tripped
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: on the starting line. I will be boycotting that book.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to buy it. No, yeah, no, that's
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: that's line I draw. Nope, I haven't an official boycott
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: going now. I am now a nay say are we done?
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: We're done?
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: How to become unbothered? From anonymous Dear pod Therapy. A
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: few weeks ago, my husband said something that stuck with me.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: You carry a lot of anger. It made me go
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: completely silent for a second as the words seem to
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: be drawn in my brain. After a bit of reflection,
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: I had to agree he's right. My anger surges quickly
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: and it lingers. Later on, I explained to him that
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: it has to do with my culture and the place
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I lived most of my life. Anger is a defense
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: mechanism that we all develop there. We're known to have tempers,
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: but it's caused by the social pressure that shapes our society.
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: We're known to curse a lot from a young age.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: We're combative people. We tend to be untrusting, hostile, hot headed,
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: but we kind of have to. It's so common that
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: we turned into something. We turn it into something almost charming.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: I know, so that I can be really funny when
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: animated by rage. Even my husband can attest to being
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: amused by my irate monologues when I'm passionate about something
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: or someone that annoys me. Also, I'm aware that I
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: make an effort to sound and look a bit funny
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: so I don't seem honestly hostile or mean spirited. Things
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: get less serious and more tolerable. That doesn't mean I
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: enjoy being genuinely angry. I particularly don't enjoy the uncontrollable
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: physical effects anger causes, such as agitation, elevated heart rate,
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: high blood pressure, spikes, and corti soli, etc. A few
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: days ago, I even told him the pressure behind my
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: eyes was making me feel dizzy, and it was all
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: because we realized we were being deceived by someone very
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: close to us and that we have to interact with constantly.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: My brain cannot handle unfairness towards me, but especially against
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: my husband. Another point that I made to my husband
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: is that I'm not angry without a reason. My anger
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: is a reaction to being wronged, and ninety nine percent
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: of the time I'm reacting to something his ex wife
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: said or did, or when his kids break specific and
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: important boundaries. For example, video calls with their mother are
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: reserved for their bedrooms because we don't want her looking
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: inside our house. We do not give the dog people food.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: We do not give the dog people food. Thank you,
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: So he doesn't learn that he can ask who are
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: these dog people? Do not feed the dog people? Oh Lord,
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: they will not give the dog people food.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: We do not.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: We don't do it. Don't do it, and if you
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: do it, I will have a very pointed zoom call
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: with your ex wife.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: Lord.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: Things like that. I will refrain from describing the absurd
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: behavior of their mother. For her, we keep folder documenting
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: all the time, the kids we're neglected, you know, et cetera.
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: It might be enough to say that she keeps trying
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: to force interactions with me, saying I have no reason
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: to have anything against her, while also calling me mentally unstable.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: I never refuse to talk to her. I'm just not
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: going to be her friend. The point is that her
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: shenanigans are the one thing that makes me the most angry,
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: and I have a really hard time cooling down with
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: my husband or I suffer an injustice or when he
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: gets blamed for her mistakes, or when she acts like
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: she can dispose of our time, or when she keeps
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: pushing on our boundaries because she thinks she can win
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: by screaming the loudest. I don't think I'm an angry
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: person most of the time. I'm actually pretty quiet and silly.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: But when I get angry, I stay there for a while.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know how long it takes me to diffuse
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: my irritation. I also don't want to ever spread it
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: to other people, so I shut down a bit. I
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: stay silent and distant until I feel like I can
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: interact again when we're out doing something as a family
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: if I ever get really upset. I do this because
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: I know I might say something that is not exactly wrong,
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: but won't help either. My husband has a hard time
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: with that because when he gets wronged, he gets sad instead.
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: In the end, I can't act. We prefer to avoid
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: any interaction between the ex wife and I. He would
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: like to never have chalked to her again, but that
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: is still a few years away. I can't defend myself.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: I can't change anything, so I end up alone inside myself, stewing.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: I can't live like this anymore. I need to cure
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: my anger because we want to have a baby, and
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: I can't let other people affect the health of my child.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: I care a little that my body is being damaged
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: by this now, but I care even more that it
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: might cause issues during pregnancy. I don't want to let
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: other people have that kind of power over me, and
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: I especially want to choose the best revenge of living
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: happily ever after. I also can't punch people in the face,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: so that's out of the window, Jacob can She referenced
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: Jake as he was saying, I can't punch people in
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: the face, Jacob. My fear is that I don't know
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: how to control this fire. I don't know how to
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: tell my body to keep my heart from jumping. So
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: first of all, how can I recover from the immediate
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: reaction of white hot anger? And how do I prevent
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: these spikes of adrenaline from happening at all? How do
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: I get how do I not get angry when there
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: is a legitimate reason to be so thank you all
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: for doing the show. This is my favorite podcast and
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: you know it. Thanks Anonymous.
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, what do you get angry about?
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: Jim Man? I have some things, you know. I know
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: I come off as a peaceful, dude. Traffic, Fuck traffic.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: So the other day I'm still upset about it. So
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: the other day I was I was very obsessed.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: This is what I was going for.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, no, I have a list. Yeah no, just thank
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: you for giving me the opportunity I need to talk.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: So I was leaving you and OLV. Other day I
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: was going down Maryland, and Maryland's already chopping ex ones
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: in town. So fuck our city, you know, fuck our
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: whole economy, fuck all the roads. They do not care.
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: They're just dripping everything up again, just destroying the town.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: And we are, I don't know, the tourist capital of
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: the world. Maybe we need fucking drivable roads. Anyway, I
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: was behind this person and it was one of those
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: situations where we were in a right turn only lane
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: and they got up to the front of the line,
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: red light on you know, you know where I'm going, Yeah,
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: and it was pretty clear they would sure like to
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: join the left hand side. YEA too late for that,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: but they are stopping all of us from turning right
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: and it's already pretty shitty out there. That traffic's already
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: really bad. Buddy, you want to see angry, Jim, I
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: am fucking on that horn. I now, when you stop
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: myself from getting out knocking on the fucking window.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: When you when you start honking that horn, do you
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: do multiple honks? Do you do a single honk and
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: leave it? Or do you just like sit down on
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: the horn and let it blare one abbreviated beep.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, they get it, and then the rest is silent
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: in your head?
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, yeah, you know in my head, I am
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: putting my face on the horn like that's what's happening internally.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: Externally it is one abbreviated I. I work really hard
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: to uh. I actually work really really hard to not
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: get very angry about things.
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: I I purposely try. I empathize with the writer a
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: great deal. I purposely try very hard to not get
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: angry about things. What Jim is talking about does bother
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: me as well? Yeah, and I will, uh, I think
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: pretty calmly. I think without this sounds odd, but I
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: think without very much if any road rage at all,
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: I will push the horn in the car and I
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: will could I will let it just go continuously wow
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: until they move, and like they might move because the
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: light turns green and they move, they might decide I'm
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: in the right hand turn lane.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: I guess I'll go ahead and just turn right. You're
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: gonna make it a problem.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: I sit there.
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: I sit there and just make all the noise that
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: I can. I think that's a hate crime. Until they
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: don't think you're allowed to do that, I do. I
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: think the horn will turn off. I think there's a
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: safety on the gun.
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: There is.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: I think it stops you.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: There is not.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, that's that's I had a cop one time
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: ask me if everything was okay, yeah in town because
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: I did that, and a cop like pulled up next
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: to me, didn't pull me over, okay, but pulled up
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: net use a motorcycle. Cop pulled up next to me
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: like the next light and said like, are you Are
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: you okay? I said, yeah, I was.
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: I was behind a guy back there in the right
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: hand turn lane and he was trying to go straight,
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: and so I was honking at him because he was
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: in the right hand turn lane and he was holding
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: up traffic.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: You just explained it, yeah, and the cop went, oh,
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: I hate when people do okay, okay, yeah, and then
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: he drove off because he's a human being. Yeah, yeah,
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: Because we exist in the society that needs laws.
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I am sure that there's some like disturbing the
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: peace thing that that could fall on me, But he wasn't.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: He wasn't worried about that real adjacent Yeah. I also
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: like it helped that I like rolled the window down
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: and was calm and was like, oh, yeah, this is
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: what happened. Yeah, so that helps. And I think this
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: relates to the writer because I feel like when when
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: other people impose their bad choices or their bullshit, that's
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: it that you made the mistake. Yes, don't make me
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: pay for it. Yeah, you made the mistake.
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so turn right, making you turn, You're gonna be
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: back on the road that you want to be on
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: in ninety seconds.
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just go.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: Well, this is where the writer talked about it, said,
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: there was a phrase in this letter that I really
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: liked that had to do with like not respecting our time,
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: you know, like imposing yourself into our world and sucking
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: our time away.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: I get pissy about that too.
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: Well, and the writer said, fairness, I'm also yeah, I'm
• 50:24
  Speaker 3: real prickly about that as well.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: Justice.
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that was the thing that stuck out to me
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: that I one hundred percent agree with and empathize with
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: is injustice or perceived injustice.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's the thing. I don't get.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: Angry very often, but there are certain things that will
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: just take me from zero to ten.
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: I've seen it. There's a very few things, and they're peculiar.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: The Dutch.
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, it's like that, those goddamn wooden shoes. Yeah
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: you're so loud. Yeah, fuck you, the Netherlands. You're You're
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: two steps.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Away from the truth. That is how Nick is. He
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: is the most stoic dude you'll ever meet, and then
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: out of nowhere, it'll be like fucking windmills and it's
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: like and he's just like, You're like, god, ironics furious
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: about this, and you're like heh shit, he's serious, like
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: this is happening, and he's like, no.
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: Fuck that.
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: It is very specific and like it doesn't always add up,
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: but he'll just be like, no, fuck that.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: For this reason, it's like this ancient of day's grudge
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: match that he's got against the problem.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: Like, okay, man, I get it.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: Almost.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: It's it's completely any kind of injustice where I feel like,
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: you know, like especially like if I'm following the rules, Yeah,
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: and it's an inconvenience for me to follow the rules.
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: Then somebody else doesn't follow the rules and they're not
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: inconvenience at all. It's like this is this is life,
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: punishing the people who do the right thing exhibit. That's
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: what grocery store aisles. You want to piss off? Nick Tanjaman,
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: put your pendicular, yeah and walk away. Here we go here.
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: If I had a nickel for every time in our
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: lives I have had him just start talking unprovoked about
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: grocery store aisles. Do you do you not just bump
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: the cart with your etiquette about it.
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: I shouldn't have to, Jacob, I just bump the cart
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: if you if you park the cart in the in
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: the aisle and then leave it and it's in the way,
• 52:34
  Speaker 3: Like I'll just use my cart and just play a
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: little bumper card game.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: But I do agree that we all need to do.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: We all just grow over the over the aisle.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: It's the same rules as driving. Get on the right
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: hand side. If we all just do that, we're fine.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: We have a system for this, We have a solution.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: Why are people doing the left hand walking up formula?
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: It's dumb. Stick to the right I'm with you on this.
• 52:57
  Speaker 2: We have to share society.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll share the grocery aisles.
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: I push the grocery cart with my belly so that
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: I have my hands free, so I can put both
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: hands out out as possible. I go right down the
• 53:12
  Speaker 3: middle of the aisle with hands out. Just goal line defense.
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: Just stop and everybody, this.
• 53:18
  Speaker 2: Is my eye.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: Nobody getting through. Bread belongs to Jacob. Now, so writer,
• 53:24
  Speaker 1: you know, I have a couple of notes on this
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: one the most important thing. So when I'm doing anger work,
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: the number one thing I want to start with is
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: self awareness. That's so important, like getting to a place
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: where we feel and notice the emotion happening. And that
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: sounds silly because I think people here, they go, what
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: do you mean? Of course you're aware that you're angry.
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: Oftentimes people act through the anger, but they are not
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: aware of it. It's like wearing glasses that they're not
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: aware they're wearing, and they're seeing the world red and
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: they don't realize, oh, everything looks like this. When I
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: feel this way, let me take one big step back
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: and notice that, right, and so, like I want the
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: very first step to be am I checking in with myself,
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: what are my indicator lights that I might be in
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: an angry state? And then when we start catching that,
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: like oh I think I'm I might be there taking
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: that big step back, noticing the domino effect and saying, okay,
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: what was my trigger? And and this kind of gets
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: into CBT, you know, which is really what we like
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: to treat this with, which is understanding the meaning that
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: you're ascribing to things. And the writer's already talking about that, like,
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: I think it's very close to finding the solution here.
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, which is realizing I am ascribing so much
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: meaning to incidents that that probably don't have it. So
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: like a good example of this is personalizing the car
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: on that in that right hand turn line, personalizing the
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: grocery card. Personal feeling that this person is wronging me
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: on purpose and that there's a there's an agenda, feeling
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: that the ex wife is has an agenda to somehow
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: take you down a notch when really they're probably just
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: a self interested person who is not considerate of others.
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: And that is a character flaw. But it is not menacing, right,
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: It's benign, it's annoying, it's not intentional, it's not personal
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: disassociating the meaning from the action slowly and challenging the
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: way you're interpreting things, I think gives you a little
• 55:25
  Speaker 1: bit more wiggle room.
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: What does that There's that old saying, never attribute to malice.
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: What can be attributed to stupidity? Or that's a self
• 55:32
  Speaker 2: that's a self awareness or whatever. You know.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a so I have a catty Jim
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: that I'm sassy Jim sometimes and I become a bitch
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: and no, look, this is news to the listeners. You
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: know this about me, but that's only because you've known
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: me in other contexts where it's really funny, because like
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: I think if people just when Jim starts snapping snapping,
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: it's it's just so funny. Like I just think about
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: houwbleist adorable. I think about how the listeners puppy who's angry.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: I think the listeners know us in like this context
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: is like they get this one impression of us. They
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: don't know us in all these other contexts. In a
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: business context, when we're working bsnas, it's funny because you
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: are the nicer guy between the two of us, and
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: people would think like, oh, Jim's you know always people
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: pleasing and he probably like always wants to make it
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: very happy and that shows up. But I get bitchy
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: faster than you. Yeah, And so there's been so many
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: situations where like we're ce seed on an email and
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm mad that I'm c Seed. Why am
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: I part of this? And I'll make noise about it,
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: or I one of my most catty bitchy moves. Have
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: you ever seen, let me google this for you?
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: I send that shit generously. So like if one of
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: my students is like, they'll ask a question, I will
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: not reply with the answer. I will take the time
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: to type it all in to let me google this
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: for you, get the link, and then send that shit
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: back to them to help them understand you shouldn't have emails.
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: Which I think is the.
• 57:00
  Speaker 2: Epitome of cattiness is when you spend more time, yes,
• 57:04
  Speaker 2: to do that than it would just answer the question.
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: You're right, You're absolutely right. It's a problem, it's a
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: character flaw. But you don't just reply with a two
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: word answer now google it.
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: No.
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: No, you could just say google it yes, that's not enough.
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: That doesn't send the message.
• 57:21
  Speaker 1: Sends a pretty good message you know what sends a
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: better one.
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: Let me google this for you. I don't think so
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: it is a great website because have you ever seen this?
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: Yes? Yeah, for the listeners that don't know type that
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: ship in, that's a fun one. It's slow motion fucking
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: videos a screen going to Google, opening Google, going to
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: the search bar and typing in the exact question that
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: the person just asked you and then actually gives them
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: the results. So like, I want them to realize you've
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: wasted my time and I'm mad about it, Like you
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: should have googled this, do not come anyway. So like writer,
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: I like next point there that you know, the malice
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: and indifference or ignorance thing. Not ascribing meaning, I think
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: is a big part of this. So a step one
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: is self awareness noticing these things instead of acting through
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: them and seeing the world through them. I want us
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: to pull the glasses off and notice that we're wearing them.
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: That is tremendous. B second step is getting to a
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: place where we're challenging the meaning we ascribe to things
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: and not personalizing it. Realizing humans are dumb, humans are selfish,
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: they are not usually malevolent, they're not usually trying to
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: become mean to people and cause people you know to suffer.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: They are usually just stupid, and that's usually what you're experiencing.
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: And then step three. The only other suggestion I have
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: is grounding techniques. I'm spending some time looking into mindfulness
• 58:47
  Speaker 1: and grounding techniques. Mindfulness is one of my favorite ways
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: to address this because it steps back and it says,
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: you know, mentally, anger is in the room with me.
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: Right I'm here, I am in my brain room, and
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: I'm just sitting, you know, in a little yoga pose,
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: and an anger has entered the room, and I accept
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: its presence. I see it, but it is not me,
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: and I am not it. It exists, It exists with me.
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: It's present, it's speaking to me, it's explaining its feelings
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: to me. I receive those and I allow it to
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: also exit the room when it's ready. And there's a
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: differentiation that we need there because I am not angry.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: Anger dwells among me. It is here in the room
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: with me. I like that. I think that mindfulness has
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: a lot to teach us, and I find that a
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: lot of people have a lot of success with that.
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: I've also found that, like if you can look at
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: and recognize patterns and just understand in advance. Okay, like
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: this is the thing that gets me upset.
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I always like to.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: Talk about angers like a secondary motion. So anger is
• 59:47
  Speaker 2: the response that we have.
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: Is the secondary emotion? What anger? God's do? God's do
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: with it?
• 59:55
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: So anyway, if you can identify the emotion that happens
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: before anger, then you can deal with that emotion. So
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: it's not just that you know, ex wife says these things,
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: therefore I'm angry. It's ex wife says these things. I
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: feel a certain way about it, yes, and then I
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: become angry. If you can figure out what that thing is,
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: then we can deal with that. Right. The other thing too,
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: is like again like when you start recognizing patterns, then
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: you can change meanings of events to things that are
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: going to be more helpful for you. So my example
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: that I would like to use when it's when it
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: comes to traffic. Now, if someone is blocking the right
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 2: hand turn lane and they want to go straight, I
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: don't have an answer for that. I'm going to be furious. Yeah, Okay,
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 2: my trick doesn't work for that because where my mind
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: goes to, Now, this is so dark, this is so dark,
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: I kind of don't even want to say it on
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: get it out there. What my mind goes to is like,
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: how many thank you there we go? This is right? Yeah,
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: how many people did we lose to COVID.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: That didn't deserve to die?
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: And this fucker like, but this one survived, this is
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: the one.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: This is.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: Like anyway, But no, the thing that always get really
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: get got used to, still does gets me riled up
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: is when people are doing crazy ship at high speeds. Okay,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: because that's different than like, okay, they're making it's making
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: it inconvenient. Yeah, okay, Now they're putting people's lives like
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: dangers lane jumping, lane jumping, like going across three lanes
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: my exit where it's like, no, dude, you missed that exit.
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 2: You need to hit the next one. You don't get
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: to do that, and just like ship like that, and
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: I see this all the time, where like every accident
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: is avoidable if you know what the fuck you're doing
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 2: and you're paying attention, every accident is avoid I.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: Don't know about that. They're called accents for a reason.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: I disagree, But anyway, have you been in one? I have?
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: And guess what, what did you do right were avoidable?
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, no, and there and I was in the wrong
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: both of you're the worst.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: Guy to ask this question. You're like, no, I was
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: wrong about why?
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Uh no. But so what I what I do
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: is I I turned that into a moment to give
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: myself praise for being a good driver, in the sense
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: that like, Okay, I'm seeing somebody come up real fast
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 2: behind me. I know what they're gonna do. Yeah, Like
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: I can predict Okay, this this asshole is gonna come.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: He's going to pass me on the right and he's
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: going to cut across all the way over to the left.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, So I prepare for that.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: I let that happen. And the thing that I tell
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: myself in my mind is saying to that guy, you're
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: welcome because you're still alive, because I'm a good driver
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: and I could see what you were doing in the
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: same sense that like if you're a parent, you know,
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 2: and you see, oh, I'm reckgizing my child's about to fall,
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: and then I'm able to run over there and kind
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: of catch them. Like it's that kind of thing that
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: you're kind of thinking about, and you you kind of
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: get like it's not like, I'm not going to blame
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: the child for that. I'm gonna look at that situation
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: and say like, Okay, I did my part. That's what
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: I'm supposed to do. So I just use that an
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: opportunity to kind of rephrase it see myself as being
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: kind of the hero of the scenario.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: I guess.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: See, if I see that happening, I'll see like somebody
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 2: coming up behind me, I'll be like, they're.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: Gonna pass me on the right and they're gonna cut
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: across to the left. Then I'll just speed up just
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: a little bit so they can't do it, so they
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: can't pass over, Like they'll still pass me on the right,
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: then they won't.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 3: Be able to cut back over to the left. Yep,
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: And I'll just like like, yeah, now you're stuck at
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 3: the slow light. Yeah, just just boxing me, Like, I'll
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 3: just see it and I won't do it obviously.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've thought about that. I'll just speed you.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 3: I'll gently apply a little more pressure to the gas
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 3: and just speed up a little bit and just close
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 3: it off.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, will you block the merger like whenever people are
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: doing like the cut a like it it's a merch lane.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: It's an end. Will you get trying to jump in
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: line or something?
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: Probably not, I don't because like that to me, that
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: makes sense if we zipper, we all know how to zipper.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, well there's zippering, but there's also there's like right
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: now with all the construction and everything. Yeah, there's one
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: entry lane from I think it's from Sinatra onto fifteen North, Okay,
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 3: and it's it's one that I take on occasion. Not
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 3: not these days very much because of the construction at all,
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 3: but but that's an entrance that I take onto the
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 3: freeway fairly often when when I'm using the freeway, and uh,
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 3: there is oftentimes right now a long line to get
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 3: onto the freeway, and then I will see cars get
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 3: out of the line and go forward and try to
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 3: get back into the line.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, And like those people like, I'll I'll
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: stay up on the car in front of me. But
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that anyway.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not blocking them. I'm not really blocking them.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 3: I'm also not gonna just casually let them in either
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: like I saw you go on, somebody else will let
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 3: you in, it's not gonna be me, or they won't
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 3: let you in.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: Either way, I don't care.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 3: And that brings me to my advice for the writer
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 3: is work work on yourself on this and and work
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: on not giving a shit about other people like that.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 3: Other people don't affect your emotions. Your emotions are you?
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 3: Like this is you your reaction to things, that's your fault.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 3: Like when I react to something. There are times that
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 3: I get into an argument with my wife or with
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 3: a coworker or whatever.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 1: Coworker that doesn't count.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 3: There's times when I get into an argument with my
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 3: wife and at the end of the argument, I will
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 3: I will say, man, I did not like how I
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 3: react to that. It's not your fault. I was reacting
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 3: to something that you said or did or whatever. But
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: like your actions or your actions, my actions, that's my action.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: That's that's that's on me.
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: Accountability matters.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And so like when you when you let yourself
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 3: go too far into that, into that anger, that is
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 3: your fault. That's no one else's fault but yours. So
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 3: the ex, wife, the kid, whatever it is, that's your fault.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 3: And so like work on that, work on Uh. You know,
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 3: the Gim's Gym's taught with the mindfulness we all we
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 3: all know longtime listeners to this, Uh, we we know
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 3: that one of the three pieces of advice that I
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: give is uh meditation.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: Meditation and mindfulness citation and uh. And that's it like
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: knowing that anger, realizing that you that you have that anger.
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 3: And just working with it, and and knowing that, uh,
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 3: there is no excuse for a reaction on your part.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 1: It's no one else's fault. Yeah. I love that accountability.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: And you know, I I appreciate that the writer seems
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: to realize anger is a weakness for me.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: It's not, and the writer acknowledges that in the and
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 3: that they are writing in. So I mean, like I
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 3: applaud the writer. I mean, you've taken You've taken some
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 3: of those steps already. It makes me realize, Like the
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 3: so obviously it's election season, Yeah I don't.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: I haven't noticed.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 3: He not gotten eight hundred texts. So I've got three
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 3: right now that I have just popular like that, just
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 3: popping up. That's not counting the ones that I've already opened.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 1: And cleaned and got rid of them. Yeah. Absolutely. So
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: the debate between Kamala and Trump where she got him
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: mad and she was like poking little buttons about like
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 1: talking about his crowds being good and like just like
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: not being successful, and like she just had all these
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: moves that were pretty clearly just to piss him off.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: And then he like took the bait and got really
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: pissed and started like kind of incoherently getting angry and
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: saying things. And I was like, wow, man, like that
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: is such a weakness, Like when you can be provoked
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 2: Just reminds me of ace Ventura when she was being confronted,
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 2: Like I think you just don't know how to handle
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: your emotions.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're ugly, yes, exactly, so writer, you know,
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: I like all these points, you know, I like Nick's
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: point about kind of using opportunities where you are given
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: injustice or you are treated poorly to sort of reflect
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: on how this demonstrates that you are different than that
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: person and and sort of reframing it not as something
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: that must be responded to, but as something that really
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: demonstrates how different you are from that person and taking
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: a deep breath to reflect and say, I'm glad I'm
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: not that kind of person. I don't do that. Also,
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: fuck them, yeah, also fuck them, And like you know,
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: with the boundaries. I mean, I'm yes, we still have
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: to have those, but you'll find, I think writer that
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: the most powerful boundaries are the ones implemented with a
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: peaceful mind and in firm but unemotional And I find
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: you have way more success with that because as an
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: angry person, something you've probably experienced right that I've had
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: a lot of patients tell me about is they have
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: situations where it sucks because they're on the right side
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: of the issue, but their reaction is so big that
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: that's what people remember and they're like, you were too much,
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: Like I'm too much? Do you agree with the bad
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: person doing the bad thing? Like no, you were right
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: and you were the people's choice, but then you overdid
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: it and like you lost our support. Now you're the problem,
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: Like now all eyes are on you and your wrong
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: size reaction.
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 3: It's it's a cousin to the you can be right
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 3: or you can be happy. Yes things it's not exactly that,
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 3: but it's jacent.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 1: To that idea. There was an old saying like how
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: it ended as how it was, And I feel like
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: in fights that often happens, like a lot of times
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: in arguments with your spouse, you are correct but because
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: you blow your top defending your correctness, now you're the
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: bad guy.
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: That's it.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 1: Bill Burr had a joke about that. When you're right,
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: lean on the rope, shut up like dot, don't say
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: anything else. Like you won. She's starting to call you names,
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: you a little dick, Like just lean on the ropes, man,
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: It's a champagne of victory. Just enjoy it.
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 3: In arguments, I mean, this is just like how to
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: win an argument now. Now, now I'm into this now.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 3: In arguments, silence is powerful. If I will be having
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: a heated discussion with someone and I'll just shut up
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 3: and look at them.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just direct eye contact and then play themselves. That's it,
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 1: and you don't respond. They explained this was again and
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: now they're getting a little like weird about it, and
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: they're like, all right, well, I guess we're done. You're like, okay,
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 1: all right, yeah, thank you bye anyway, writer, good luck
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: with this. I mean, it's it's I'm glad you're taking it. Seriously,
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: Keep working at it, keep working at it. I mean,
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: CBT mindfulness techniques. There's so many great resources out there.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: And as we were talking, shoot, there was a video
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: or a book Oh. It is a book, The Subtle
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. Fine book.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: It was our first book club that we did and
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: never got through it.
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 2: What a success that was.
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 1: But if you want, go into our Patreon and we
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: have a section of that front post. So if you
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 1: go into the Patreon at the very top, the pinned
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: post is like a directory of all the episodes we've
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: ever put into Patreon, and there's a book club section
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 1: and you can see the Subtle Art of Not Giving
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 1: a Fuck. And we have all the chapters that we
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: covered linked where you can hear Nick and I explaining
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 1: the chapter and our impressions of it and it Mark
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: did a great job introducing stoicism in that concept and
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 1: trying to talk about the ability to sort of detach
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: from what's happening, and he had some great insights, you know.
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: And he does talk about anger a lot, and that
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: was being part of what caused him to write the book.
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: So I encourage you to pick that up. I think
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: that this is great work to do. Lean in on
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 1: it writer. Anger can sometimes be seen as quirky and charming,
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: and that can convince us that it's fine. But in
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 1: the real world, it has so many consequences, and like,
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 1: ultimately you're better off without it, don't be Donald Trump.
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 1: So yeah, just do that.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 3: But oh and also, just because you don't feel like
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 3: you can hit people in the face, yeah, doesn't mean
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 3: that other people should feel like you're not gonna hit
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 3: them in the face.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: Great point. Yeah, great, you want that.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 3: Ex wife to believe, yes, that if she pushes just
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 3: a little too hard you could you're gonna punch her
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 3: in the face.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: We call that deterrence. That's right. Yeah, it's you know,
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 1: what is it, the old Theodore Roosevelt strategy? Something like
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: walk softly, carry a big stick, that's it. Yeah, you
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: just want people to know that you could fucking knock
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 1: their head off their shoulders. Yeah, but you choose not
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: to because prison. Something about riding a moose. I think
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 1: that was part of it. Yeah, a bull moose. That's
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: apparently a boy moose. Yeah, that is party, right, the
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: boy the bull moose party, the boy boose party. Look
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: at it was the moose with Dick's party. I'm prodict moose.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break. When we come back,
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: we're gonna up this show. You're listening to pod Therapy.
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 2: Today's episode is brought to you by Smitty Scoop, Mason Miller,
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 2: Test Miller, Biler, t Paris Team Monaco, Oscar swanros Anna, Marie,
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• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: And Myra, don't forget Myra.
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: Would you like to sponsor the show? Become a therap
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: producer Patreon dot com slash therapy. Okay, last few that
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: we got here, All right, there we go. Which unusual
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: book offers guidance on interpreting the meaning of your sneezes,
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: suggesting they are messages from the universe.
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 1: The Bible. Oh I'm this isn't fair. I'm reading this
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: book right now.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 2: No, yeah, give you the titles Sneezes in Secrets, Unlock
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 2: cosmic Messages, the sneeze Oracle, predicting your future one a
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: chew at a time. God, these are great. Bless you.
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 2: Decoding the spiritual signals of sneezel. That's gotta be it,
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 2: nasal wisdom, the mystical language of sneeze.
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: Give me, bless you.
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 2: I'll take c it probably is, but I'm gonna I'm
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 2: gonna have fun. I will go be Okay, we got
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 2: it's the sneeze oracle your future one at a time.
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's so funny. You're reading this. Yeah no, oh
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: not really what I thought you were saying? What has
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: gotten it wrong? Yeah?
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 2: That was weird.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: It was like, oh, is he throwing it? Like? That's cool?
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 2: Like a beat us again.
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 1: Have you you've read a Hitchhiker's Gude to the Galaxy?
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 2: I have not.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 1: Have you ever seen the movie? No, you know what,
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 1: don't read the book. Watch the movie. It's a great movie.
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: It's really fun. It's it's a good time, and it
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: captures the entire book. But it's really funny. Pissed off
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: all of the sci fi I'm sure, Yeah, you know,
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 1: I have an audio down my phone. I listened. But anyway,
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 1: it's it's a really funny book. It's sci fi ish,
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: but it's like absurdism and it's really good. Yeah. But
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 1: there's a galactic Church of the Nose or something, and
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 1: they believe that like the Great Nose is going to
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: like clear its nostrils of the universe and so like.
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: But it's really funny because they run with this bit
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: quite a while in the book, and there's a whole
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: cult surrounding it, and you see this actual sermon. The
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: guy's giving and at the end, you know, they all sneeze,
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 1: and then the priest goes like he takes out a
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 1: handkerchief and he like wipes like the congregation like reaching out,
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 1: and he's like, bless you. This is so perfect, And
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: I think it's John Malkovich. Malkovich, Yeah, it's a great movie.
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: It's a good movie. It's a fun time.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: Which self help books suggests that dressing your houseplants in
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: tiny outfits can improve their growth and your mood.
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, at least I'm not a cat lady.
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: I want so first off, before you read the answers, Emma,
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: I want eight hundred more of these questions. This is
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: the best. I'm so happy with this category.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 2: Fashionable foliage dressing up your plants for prosperity. Oh god, yes,
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 2: green Wardrobe boosting plant growth with style.
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 1: Oh I like that too.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 2: The well Dressed Fern. How to How tiny clothes enhance
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 2: flora and feelings, photosynthesis and fashion. A Guide to Happy Plants.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 1: All right, I want a but it's c but I'm
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 1: gonna take a. I'm gonna go voting with my heart.
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: I was gonna go a. I'm gonna go D.
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 3: I wanted A because A is the one with a literation. Yes, yeah,
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 3: I feel like they like you. All right, I'll take.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 1: SEA then fine, I'll just get the it is cut
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 1: yourself happy.
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: I want to A.
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: You took it from I did?
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, we want to left.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: I still have it even Yeah, point, I've got the point.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 1: That's take your point.
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 2: What is the title of the book that combines cooking
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 2: with spell casting? Oh, claiming that singing to your food
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 2: can infuse it with magical property. Yes, A the Harmonic
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 2: Chef spells and meals in perfect harmony. B Enchanting Eats,
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 2: Singing your Way to Magical Meals, C Chanting and Cooking
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: Recipes for the Soul or D Musical the Musical Kitchen,
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 2: culinary magic through song.
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: All right, I'll be a gentleman. Go ahead, Jacob, what
• 1:17:31
  Speaker 1: do you want? I'll take C, I want B, I'll
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: take D. It is by chanting eats. That was a
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: rare moment where the one I wanted it to be
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: was the one like that that works. And chanting eats
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 1: is a great I love this category. That there are
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: real published books about this stuff is great.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 2: There are some crazy self help books.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 1: This could just be our trivia advice now, fuck you,
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 1: that's what No, that holds up on the table. The
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 1: title work. It was a solid title. As we wrap
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: up the show. Fuck god, damn it, it's about being
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 1: a dad. As we wrap up the show. When a reminder,
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: you can sign up at patreon dot com slash Therapy
• 1:18:22
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• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: as well as enjoy our live chat discord community and
• 1:18:27
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• 1:18:32
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• 1:18:35
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• 1:18:38
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• 1:18:39
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• 1:18:42
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• 1:18:49
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• 1:18:51
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  Speaker 1: it's pronounced. And we want to especially think our bosses,
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  Speaker 1: the mysterious and shrouded of them, naughty members of our
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 1: fan club. The Therapy producers, thank you, Myra, Robert Brownie
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  Speaker 1: when you do, it's ad pod therapy Guys on Instagram,
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• 1:20:11
  Speaker 2: Do you want to submit a question to the show,
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 2: You can ask anonymously at pod therapy dot net or
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 2: email us at pod therapy guys at gmail dot com,
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 2: or by clicking the link of the episode description to
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 2: be taken to our anonymous Google form. I'm Nick Tangman,
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 2: I'm Doom. Thanks and we'll see your for the appointment
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 2: next week.
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: We'll take that. That baritone voice was nice.
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 2: I wish I saw that. You talk like you've been
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 2: smoking a pack of day is it? Is it readily
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 2: or whatever?
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 1: Come and go two am, buddy. It's just that was
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: a late