Latest / Voices for Voices® / Can You Get Nervous and Still Shine? | Episode 191

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Can You Get Nervous and Still Shine? | Episode 191 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:00
  Justin Alan Hayes: Welcome to this episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 0:05
  Justin Alan Hayes: I'm your host, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices, justin Allen Hayes.
• 0:12
  Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you for joining us.
• 0:14
  Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you for the support, the love that y'all have given to us, in whatever form that is, whatever form that is spirit, prayers, monetarily, sponsorship we really appreciate the opportunity that we have to come into your lives through our TV show and podcast.
• 0:48
  Justin Alan Hayes: Therapy that sounds just like an ugly word, like when you're in school and you're having an exam and a quiz or a project like oh no, I don't want to.
• 1:07
  Justin Alan Hayes: Why do I have to do this project?
• 1:08
  Justin Alan Hayes: Why do I have to have this exam?
• 1:10
  Justin Alan Hayes: And therapy?
• 1:13
  Justin Alan Hayes: The term and the action of therapy also gets that same feedback from a lot of people, myself included.
• 1:31
  Justin Alan Hayes: Up until November of 2017.
• 1:41
  Justin Alan Hayes: Therapy was a word that I didn't want to hear.
• 1:44
  Justin Alan Hayes: I didn't want to do therapy.
• 1:48
  Justin Alan Hayes: I wanted to solve problems all on my own.
• 1:57
  Justin Alan Hayes: I didn't want any help Because I, for whatever reason, thought I could fix myself and while we're all in different situations, I, point blank, just wasn't able to fix myself.
• 2:25
  Justin Alan Hayes: From the feelings, from the losing the weight, feeling like everything I was allergic to when I was trying to eat, added stress over 138 different things I was feeling guilty of and the like, and so I had a lot of denial.
• 2:44
  Justin Alan Hayes: But as I was making the rounds, basically to different emergency rooms around the Northeast Ohio area, I knew something was wrong with me and I wanted, at that point I was at that breaking point where I didn't know if I was going to make it, I didn't know if I was going to survive that's pretty deep made that decision finally, at literally the last point, that psych staff hadn't entered that hospital room Akron General Hospital in November 2017 and didn't offer me I say, offer me a place to stay where I could be observed, where therapy would be happening, where medication may be a possibility.
• 4:03
  Justin Alan Hayes: And so when I was introduced to therapy and the psych ward of Akron General Hospital in November 2017.
• 4:15
  Justin Alan Hayes: When I sat around the table with probably about 10 or so other individuals and we were going through our stories, basically it was you know what's your name and why are you here, and if anybody's ever been in that situation, for whatever reason not not just being in psych ward uh, for doing uh doing a project and and uh being on the phone or meeting in person uh, for for your profession and that old uh adage of tell me about yourself, what's your name, what do you do for this company, this organization?
• 5:11
  Justin Alan Hayes: And still, to this day, I get so nervous when I'm being asked that.
• 5:19
  Justin Alan Hayes: And I have had lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of experience doing that and I don't think I've done it well for any of the times.
• 5:31
  Justin Alan Hayes: But that that's because we're all individuals and it is what I've learned totally normal to feel nervous.
• 5:45
  Justin Alan Hayes: I met Tyrus.
• 5:48
  Justin Alan Hayes: He's a pretty well-known former NWA world champion wrestling.
• 6:00
  Justin Alan Hayes: He's on Fox News and forget the beliefs or the what I were on if you listen to how he explains things.
• 6:13
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's just common sense, just being frank with with everybody of his thoughts and kind of non-filter.
• 6:22
  Justin Alan Hayes: So there's no filter, it just says it how it is.
• 6:26
  Justin Alan Hayes: And so when I was able to meet him and prior to meeting him in person in the green room, the gut fell show I was in New York City for presenting one of our awards.
• 6:49
  Justin Alan Hayes: We did a podcast, probably about three or four months prior to that, and you can check that out.
• 6:54
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's on our YouTube channel, voices for Voices.
• 6:59
  Justin Alan Hayes: You'll have to scroll down quite a bit because we have a lot of content.
• 7:03
  Justin Alan Hayes: So there's an episode we did with him.
• 7:05
  Justin Alan Hayes: We did it remotely, he was living in Louisiana at the time, so we did that episode and one of the questions I had was about you know how do you feel like when the camera starts rolling and you're being asked to share your opinion on a topic and you know that millions of people are watching or will watch at a you know, if they're, if somebody's working, they might dvr it and then watch at a later time, but there's millions of people tuning in to hear different topics.
• 7:48
  Justin Alan Hayes: And one of the only places that I know that I can go, where I can laugh a little bit, where things are to me they're funny, and laughter is something that I don't do often enough.
• 8:09
  Justin Alan Hayes: I'm so buried in my head of what I gotta do.
• 8:14
  Justin Alan Hayes: I need to do this thing and that thing and this thing and that thing, and plan this and schedule that and call this individual, email, text this individual, and so so I asked him how he feels, you know, when the cameras are rolling and you know comes his turn to talk and he said, uh, I was like do you get nervous?
• 8:40
  Justin Alan Hayes: And he goes.
• 8:42
  Justin Alan Hayes: Oh yeah, he's like I get nervous all the time he's like I've been doing this, I've been performing with wrestling and now he's doing a very successful comedy tour.
• 8:55
  Justin Alan Hayes: He said you always get nervous at the outset.
• 9:01
  Justin Alan Hayes: He's like if you don't get nervous then you're probably doing the wrong thing.
• 9:05
  Justin Alan Hayes: You're doing the wrong thing and I had those thoughts prior to having the opportunity to speak with Tyrus.
• 9:20
  Justin Alan Hayes: But when we look at people at different levels, you know here's somebody.
• 9:23
  Justin Alan Hayes: But when we look at people at different levels, you know here's somebody.
• 9:27
  Justin Alan Hayes: Again, millions of people are tuning in.
• 9:28
  Justin Alan Hayes: He's a multimillionaire, so money isn't quite as big of a problem as it can be for others.
• 9:36
  Justin Alan Hayes: And here he is talking about yeah, yeah, I get nervous all the time about yeah, yeah, I get nervous all the time.
• 9:49
  Justin Alan Hayes: And he also mentioned that once he wants to get started, so once that initial oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh all these people are watching and they're gonna judge what I say and they're gonna respond on the social media.
• 10:04
  Justin Alan Hayes: You know all these things that are going on.
• 10:06
  Justin Alan Hayes: And he said he's nervous.
• 10:09
  Justin Alan Hayes: You're kind of the outset.
• 10:11
  Justin Alan Hayes: Once things get rolling and he gets started, a lot of that nervousness kind of goes away doesn't go away 100%, and I can relate.
• 10:25
  Justin Alan Hayes: Every time we do an episode of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast like this one, like this episode, I get nervous as I'm setting up and getting ready and reviewing the topics and experiences and content.
• 10:47
  Justin Alan Hayes: You know we want to, we want to relay, to help again.
• 10:52
  Justin Alan Hayes: We want to help 3 billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond.
• 10:55
  Justin Alan Hayes: So I'm going to say it till it happens.
• 10:58
  Justin Alan Hayes: And then, after 3 billion, then we're going to go to four.
• 11:01
  Justin Alan Hayes: Once we go to four, we're going to go to five billion, then we're going to go to four.
• 11:07
  Justin Alan Hayes: Once we go to four, we're going to go to five.
• 11:09
  Justin Alan Hayes: And that's how we're going to go about things and we have been going about things.
• 11:20
  Justin Alan Hayes: And so the lead up to kind of the red light being on the camera and blinking, showing that, oh, the camera's on and knowing that there's going to be a lot of people that are going to watch this and a lot of people that are going to listen to this, and it really blows my mind and I can't put into words.
• 11:39
  Justin Alan Hayes: I am, and everybody is, associated with Voices for Voices.
• 11:44
  Justin Alan Hayes: We are, we're honored to have the opportunity to come into your life, whether that's on the video side of things, or the audio or a combination, or reading our transcript for every episode that's out there, our transcript for every episode that's out there.
• 12:16
  Justin Alan Hayes: It really again that nervousness it's there.
• 12:19
  Justin Alan Hayes: However, like Tyrus was mentioning when we were speaking, that once you get started speaking and this is really hard to talk about because it's really deep and this has nothing to do with any religious beliefs there are things that we learn.
• 12:42
  Justin Alan Hayes: There's things that we do.
• 12:43
  Justin Alan Hayes: We learn at a certain age that one plus one equals two.
• 12:47
  Justin Alan Hayes: We learn how to say and spell our names, we learn our birthdays, and those things are in our mind and so when somebody asks, oh, oh, what's your name, I say my name, justin Allen Hayes.
• 13:12
  Justin Alan Hayes: That comes from experience of going through and being asked over and over and over and over and over again.
• 13:29
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's like practice.
• 13:30
  Justin Alan Hayes: It is practice.
• 13:31
  Justin Alan Hayes: And if we equate this to sports, if we don't practice, we're going to play our games like we practice.
• 13:43
  Justin Alan Hayes: We're going to play our games like we practice.
• 13:44
  Justin Alan Hayes: And if we don't put in the time, if we don't put in the full energy into those practices, it's going to show on game days.
• 13:52
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's going to show if we're talking about tennis matches, golf, we're not going to be able to just get up off the couch and be the top person in a particular field or be part of a team that's at the top.
• 14:15
  Justin Alan Hayes: That type of process is what takes over after the nervousness.
• 14:41
  Justin Alan Hayes: So the preparation and getting ready to film whenever, wherever that may be I mean, we filmed in Ukraine, we filmed in Poland, filmed in Romania, filmed, obviously, in the US and we'll be filming in Italy, coming up at a later date.
• 14:57
  Justin Alan Hayes: So, wherever that is, there's still a sense of nervousness, still a sense of nervousness.
• 15:16
  Justin Alan Hayes: Then, once we get into our minds, where we revert back to what we know and what we've learned over the years, and so when somebody asks you or I, what is one plus one, we're able to say two, because of the repetitiveness, because of the practice over the years, whether we wanted to practice or not, and that's the whole thing.
• 15:40
  Justin Alan Hayes: If we don't want to practice, if we don't want to, if we don't want to, if we want to go, do that thing, nobody's gonna, nobody's gonna support or want to tune in.
• 16:00
  Justin Alan Hayes: If you or I are not passionate enough to practice, to share, pour our souls out, being raw and transparent, then we're going to have a really hard time and we still can have a really hard time.
• 16:21
  Justin Alan Hayes: I have a really hard time on a lot of things.
• 16:24
  Justin Alan Hayes: I'm not the best, I'm not the closest to the best at all, but what I am, and what Voices for Voices is, is an avenue to help others.
• 16:42
  Justin Alan Hayes: So when I revert back after that nervousness and anxiousness still anxious, still nervous but I'm speaking from the heart and the mind.
• 16:59
  Justin Alan Hayes: That means that we're being authentic.
• 17:00
  Justin Alan Hayes: And you might be wondering when is he going to get back to talking about therapy?
• 17:05
  Justin Alan Hayes: He talked about therapy the first minute or two and we're 17 minutes in.
• 17:18
  Justin Alan Hayes: So therapy, what I learned again starting in 2017, we went around that table what's your name?
• 17:29
  Justin Alan Hayes: Why are you here?
• 17:30
  Justin Alan Hayes: And we went from there.
• 17:30
  Justin Alan Hayes: We did art.
• 17:32
  Justin Alan Hayes: I'm not an artist, we just did art.
• 17:34
  Justin Alan Hayes: We did some coloring, we put a collage together of different things, and there were additional group therapy sessions that I was in after I was in the hospital, and so there were some times where we were talking about topics, how we were feeling.
• 17:56
  Justin Alan Hayes: We're talking about urges, like when you have the urge to use a substance, how can you alleviate that without doing the thing, without consuming that substance or take those pills that cause the addiction and turmoil in our lives, and so what that is, whether it's art, whether it's talking or listening, that's therapy Right here, right now, is therapy for me.
• 18:40
  Justin Alan Hayes: That's what Voices for Voices, one of the things that the organization has done for me, and Voices for Voices as a whole, our whole organization.
• 18:56
  Justin Alan Hayes: We've had so much support, so many downloads, views what would minutes watched, hours watched.
• 19:07
  Justin Alan Hayes: Downloads, views what would minutes watched, hours watched.
• 19:12
  Justin Alan Hayes: Again, we're hitting 300 episodes by the end of 2025.
• 19:19
  Justin Alan Hayes: This is therapy.
• 19:19
  Justin Alan Hayes: This is what therapy is.
• 19:22
  Justin Alan Hayes: When I go to therapy, say externally, so outside of the show, when I talk to my therapist, the content of talking about where I'm at in life, what's happened since the last time I was at therapy, what's going well, what's not and those questions really aren't, I mean at this point with my therapy.
• 20:10
  Justin Alan Hayes: Those aren't questions I have to be asked.
• 20:15
  Justin Alan Hayes: Innate ability to reach into our minds and know topics, experiences that we want to chat about.
• 20:33
  Justin Alan Hayes: Some we might not, some we may never want to chat about and talk about, but therapy is talking.
• 20:47
  Justin Alan Hayes: So how was this event, that event, how's planning going for this, this thing and that thing?
• 21:00
  Justin Alan Hayes: So that's that's really how things go, for you know the 30 minutes or so where, where I'm in a room with my therapist and so we talk there's no prying.
• 21:17
  Justin Alan Hayes: At this point, I again I'm getting out of it when I'm putting in.
• 21:24
  Justin Alan Hayes: So if I don't want to talk about big events, big things that have occurred that are affecting me or that are coming up and they're affecting me and my family, I'm only going to get one of those dominoes.
• 21:39
  Justin Alan Hayes: That's in the mind and the heart that, if that particular topic is not talked about, the dominoes are going to build, build, build, build, build, build, and then one day, all the dominoes are going to come down at once, and that is how I crashed mental health wise in 2017.
• 22:10
  Justin Alan Hayes: Again, over 138 different things I felt guilty about and I didn't want to talk about.
• 22:14
  Justin Alan Hayes: One of the most, say, transparent things was writing those down, and that was.
• 22:24
  Justin Alan Hayes: I wrote 138 different things.
• 22:26
  Justin Alan Hayes: I mean, none of these were illegal.
• 22:32
  Justin Alan Hayes: There are just things I feel guilty and relationships and, uh, taking advantage of people and and things, and only being in it for myself, where you may be thinking, well course, he's always in it for himself with the show and the organization.
• 22:51
  Justin Alan Hayes: I'm just a doer, I get things done, and so that's why I'm on the show.
• 22:59
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's why you're tuning in, either for the first time or the 150th time or 160th time.
• 23:12
  Justin Alan Hayes: But this is therapy.
• 23:16
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's talking about what's occurring, and, while not every topic and not every guest is going to be your cup of tea, when we talk about life, we have a lot of things that we share in common.
• 23:40
  Justin Alan Hayes: We're human beings, we need sleep, we need nourishment those types of things we, as human beings, we all, can relate to, no matter what side of the eye wewear on politically, and any of that stuff.
• 24:07
  Justin Alan Hayes: And I think that's why, after that, nervousness comes preparing and getting set up for a show, arriving at the studio, getting ready to film that way and this way.
• 24:25
  Justin Alan Hayes: That's why I'm able to reach back into my mind for things in the past and I'm able to just talk about what's happening in the current time frame, the current space, and that's probably been one of the most healthy things that I'm doing.
• 24:53
  Justin Alan Hayes: And so it's because of you, our listener, our watcher, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader, our reader reading the transcript, a donor, a sponsor, a volunteer.
• 25:12
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's because of you that I'm able to share things that are happening.
• 25:25
  Justin Alan Hayes: Organization-wise things are happening in life.
• 25:28
  Justin Alan Hayes: It all comes back to mental health.
• 25:30
  Justin Alan Hayes: It all comes back to recovery.
• 25:32
  Justin Alan Hayes: Recovery is not a point in time where, okay, I'm recovered now.
• 25:40
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's not that, for me, recovery is having as many tools as possible in the tool belt, whether it's medication, whether that's meeting with my therapist, deciding to show up to meet with my therapist, whether that is following the medication guidelines, not taking more than is prescribed.
• 26:08
  Justin Alan Hayes: All these things are life, excuse me, and you may be in some similar situation in some aspects of Voices for Voices, or you may not.
• 26:31
  Justin Alan Hayes: You may be a teacher, you may be a leader, you may be a therapist, and so, by the show, the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast, the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast, specifically by me, sharing such intimate details and experiences that may help you with your day-to-day professional life or your personal life.
• 27:06
  Justin Alan Hayes: Or you may know somebody that's been exhibiting different signs, or you've talked about different topics and maybe we have turned the page too quickly, we're not listening and we're just saying all that person, they're crazy.
• 27:23
  Justin Alan Hayes: And so, wherever you're at in life, wherever you're at professionally, wherever you're at age-wise, any demographic therapy is not bad, it is not negative.
• 27:51
  Justin Alan Hayes: Therapy to me is life.
• 27:54
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's talking about life.
• 27:57
  Justin Alan Hayes: It's talking about things and experiences that us, as human beings, are going through and have been through.
• 28:04
  Justin Alan Hayes: And we've spoken earlier about driving.
• 28:09
  Justin Alan Hayes: Sometimes we hit more green lights, which means we can continue without stopping at that current time, or we're hitting a lot of red lights and it couldn't make it seem like, oh my gosh, things are taking too long, I'm hitting all the red lights.
• 28:32
  Justin Alan Hayes: This is going on, that's going on.
• 28:35
  Justin Alan Hayes: Those are things that are life.
• 28:39
  Justin Alan Hayes: And whether you're driving or whether you're riding with somebody, if you're on a train and the train breaks down, well, the train's gonna stop until it's fixed.
• 28:50
  Justin Alan Hayes: If the plane you're gonna board to head somewhere needs fixed, I I want that fixed before I get on the plane, so, while it might take time extra time awaiting I want, I want that fixed, I think.
• 29:09
  Justin Alan Hayes: Get on the plane, so, while it might take time extra time, a waiting I want, I want that fixed.
• 29:15
  Justin Alan Hayes: I think you would as well.
• 29:15
  Justin Alan Hayes: And these are just human things that we all go through in one way or another, in one day or another, one time or another.
• 29:23
  Justin Alan Hayes: So if you're thinking about therapy, if you have judged therapy like I judged therapy prior to 2017 november, maybe give it another look again.
• 29:39
  Justin Alan Hayes: It can only help going, going through and if you do go through, be upfront and honest.
• 29:48
  Justin Alan Hayes: You're going to get more out of it when you're upfront and honest and talking about the things that are really pulling negative and positive.
• 29:58
  Justin Alan Hayes: So until next time.
• 30:01
  Justin Alan Hayes: I am Justin Allen Hayes, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices.
• 30:07
  Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you for your love and support.
• 30:09
  Justin Alan Hayes: Give us a big thumbs up like, share comment, pass along this show, this blessing, blessing to me and a blessing to you.
• 30:20
  Justin Alan Hayes: Please be a voice for you or somebody in need.