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What Kids Really Need on Christmas Day · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: Kylie came to me the other day and said, we
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  Speaker 1: need to do what your child needs for Christmas this
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  Speaker 1: year podcast episode. Kylie told me that she had come
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  Speaker 1: up with two things beginning with pe that our children
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  Speaker 1: need and wanted to do an episode about that. So
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  Speaker 1: I come up with a couple of peace as well.
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  Speaker 1: I'm really excited to share my peace for Christmas. Four
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  Speaker 1: things your children need for Christmas, beginning with pea because
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  Speaker 1: alliteration is fun, Kylie, We're going to go one on one.
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  Speaker 1: You first, then me, what was your first pee?
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  Speaker 2: Look, I don't know what you've got in mind, but
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  Speaker 2: you won't find any of my gifts under the tree
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  Speaker 2: that you can't wrap them, you can't buy them right,
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  Speaker 2: But I think they will bring a lot more joy
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  Speaker 2: to your Christmas experience.
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  Speaker 1: So, now, while you're talking about your first pee for
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  Speaker 1: Christmas that is apparently not under the tree, I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to rewrite my other two piece because the.
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  Speaker 2: Kids do not need penguins.
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  Speaker 1: What's your first one?
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  Speaker 2: Peace? I think back to all of the experiences that
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  Speaker 2: we've had over the years with Christmas and the amount
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  Speaker 2: of stress and strain parents put on themselves to provide
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  Speaker 2: this perfect experience for our kids, and I think that
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  Speaker 2: as I've thought back on those experiences, I have spent
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  Speaker 2: more Christmases exhausted or grumpy because I'm exhausted as a
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  Speaker 2: result of trying to create that perfect space. What our
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  Speaker 2: kids actually need is this stress free environment where Mum
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  Speaker 2: and Dad are actually joyful in the experience instead of
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  Speaker 2: being worried about making sure the creamberulet is fired up
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  Speaker 2: or whatever it is.
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  Speaker 1: I love that you said, Crimbla. I don't think we've
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  Speaker 1: ever had crembla for Christmas ever, I am.
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  Speaker 2: Thinking about it. I would really like some about now.
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  Speaker 1: This is beautiful and I'm pretty sure everyone would agree
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  Speaker 1: with the concept, but it doesn't feel practical because there's
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  Speaker 1: family coming to visitor. We've got to go to families homes.
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  Speaker 1: The kids wake up and they make a lot of
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  Speaker 1: noise and there's anything but peace. And I don't know
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  Speaker 1: if the kids want things to be peaceful.
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  Speaker 2: Peaceful, and I'm not suggesting it needs to be quiet,
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  Speaker 2: and I'm going to use the word reverence.
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  Speaker 1: By the way, I like the idea of a peaceful
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  Speaker 1: Christmas Day with six kids. I think pleasing quite it's nice.
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  Speaker 2: You don't need to take the word peace. Literally, I'm
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  Speaker 2: not suggesting you need to be quiet and hushed and
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  Speaker 2: all of that kind of stuff, but it's an opportunity
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  Speaker 2: to let go of all of the anks, all of
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  Speaker 2: the worry, all of the stresses, and just be together
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  Speaker 2: in that moment. You can make as much noise as
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  Speaker 2: you want.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, very good. Now. I know I said we're
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  Speaker 1: going to go you me, you me, but I'm really
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  Speaker 1: interested in what your second one is. And I'm the
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  Speaker 1: one pushing the buttons. So what's what's your second one?
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  Speaker 2: It's a little bit ciliche.
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  Speaker 1: We've all heard it before.
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  Speaker 2: Our kids need our presence, not presence, okay, And it
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  Speaker 2: really taps in beautifully with my initial one of peace,
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  Speaker 2: that acknowledgement that what they actually need is mum and
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  Speaker 2: dad to be in the moment, present with each other,
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  Speaker 2: instead of worrying about how many presents they've got under
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  Speaker 2: the tree. When our family was young, we used to
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  Speaker 2: travel up the freeway every Christmas Day. We were either
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  Speaker 2: staying with one family and then we traveled to the
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  Speaker 2: other family, or we would be interstate and so we
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  Speaker 2: actually weren't in our own home. The kids didn't wake
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  Speaker 2: up in their own beds they didn't unwrap gifts under
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  Speaker 2: theneath their own Christmas tree, and about I think our
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  Speaker 2: eldest was about ten when they finally looked at us
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  Speaker 2: and they just said, can we just wake up in
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  Speaker 2: our own bed and have Christmas at home?
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  Speaker 1: I remember telling I told my family that, and I'm
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  Speaker 1: the oldest of six kids. Myself and my younger siblings
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  Speaker 1: were like, I can't believe you're not going to show
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  Speaker 1: up for Christmas. And I was like, well, I've got
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  Speaker 1: my own family now, and they all accused me of
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  Speaker 1: being really selfish. Over the years, several of them have
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  Speaker 1: come to me and said, we gave you a really
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  Speaker 1: hard time about that, but we're all feeling it now
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  Speaker 1: because they've all got younger families who are growing, and
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  Speaker 1: they're sort of going, it's really nice to wake up
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  Speaker 1: in your own home on Christmas Day. But whether you
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  Speaker 1: do or not, it really it's about if I say
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  Speaker 1: this all the time, can spell love t im e
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  Speaker 1: And of all the times of the year wh this
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  Speaker 1: is supposed to happen, Christmas Day is the day where
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  Speaker 1: you would expect that this would be absolute, where we're
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  Speaker 1: really available for one another.
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  Speaker 2: And I think if you were to ask each about kids, now,
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  Speaker 2: what is their favorite Christmas experience? It is literally being
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  Speaker 2: able to wake up together. They open up their stockings
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  Speaker 2: on our bed, which is getting rather small these days
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  Speaker 2: now that.
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  Speaker 1: We've got all of these big bodies. Not to mention,
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  Speaker 1: it's so and law who sits on the edge of
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  Speaker 1: the bed as well.
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  Speaker 2: Weird uncomfortable, and then we just enjoy time together. We
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  Speaker 2: actually don't make a big deal about Christmas branch or
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  Speaker 2: anything like that. We really just have a swim in
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  Speaker 2: the pool, we'll go to the beach. But it literally
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  Speaker 2: is a laid back, chill day where we're it's peaceful
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  Speaker 2: in that we're not worried about anything else and we
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  Speaker 2: are in the moment with each other.
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  Speaker 1: And I need to just quickly add in case Jared's listening,
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  Speaker 1: you can sit on the edge of our bed on
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  Speaker 1: Christmas morning anytime. There's no problem. Just want to be
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  Speaker 1: clear about that. So your two peas that our children
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  Speaker 1: need the gifts that our children need this Christmas. Number one,
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  Speaker 1: they need peace. That is well, we want to have
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  Speaker 1: a home that has an absence of conflict. Doesn't have
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  Speaker 1: to be hushed and quiet, but rather there's a peaceful
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  Speaker 1: atmosphere where we can just enjoy being together, which ties
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  Speaker 1: in with your second one, which is presence and not
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  Speaker 1: the presence under the tree. Although let's be honest, if
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  Speaker 1: they don't get any of those, they're going to be
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  Speaker 1: pretty disappointed. They need both kinds of presents. They need
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  Speaker 1: our presence and a few things to under up the
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  Speaker 1: let's not talk about that going to be suffering financially
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  Speaker 1: for years because of that one. So they're the two
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  Speaker 1: that you come up with, the two piece that our
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  Speaker 1: children need. I've also done a little bit of work
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  Speaker 1: on this, Kylie.
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  Speaker 2: Please tell me there's no penguins.
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  Speaker 1: There are no penguins. You are absolutely safe, Mike. What
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  Speaker 1: are your two piece? My two piece now that I've
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  Speaker 1: been thinking about it. A number one playful, I think
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  Speaker 1: on a Christmas Day, playfulness is about lightheartednurs bring that
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  Speaker 1: joyful energy and counterbalancing the potential seriousness of peace, which
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  Speaker 1: I'm not bagging. I actually quite like it. But you
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  Speaker 1: can be peaceful and present and still be playful, yes,
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  Speaker 1: of course. And I just I think if we can
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  Speaker 1: remember that connection is about being seen and hurt in
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  Speaker 1: value that doesn't always have to be serious like normally
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  Speaker 1: when we're talking about connection and being present, we're talking
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  Speaker 1: about being there and holding our children's hands as they
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  Speaker 1: go through a big emotion and looking into their eyes
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  Speaker 1: and validating and doing all of the emotion coaching stuff.
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  Speaker 1: But you can be present and you can have peaceful interactions.
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  Speaker 2: Is it about being at peace with yourself and at
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  Speaker 2: peace with the relationships in the room.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and just playing. I think if we can play
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  Speaker 1: some silly games and share some wonderfully bad dad jokes
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  Speaker 1: and have unexpected fun.
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  Speaker 2: And last year we did a whole heap of those
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  Speaker 2: minute to Win It challenges.
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  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, kids just loved it. It's so much fun.
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  Speaker 1: It's about full engagement and enjoying each other's company. And
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  Speaker 1: you know something that you didn't mention in your list
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  Speaker 1: of things beginning with p You know what Our kids
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  Speaker 1: don't need that starts with pea. They don't need perfection.
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  Speaker 1: And we keep on shooting for perfection on Christmas Day
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  Speaker 1: and you're just not going to get there. I think
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  Speaker 1: that it's about delight and humor and presence and having
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  Speaker 1: a peaceful day, and you're going to have a more
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  Speaker 1: perfect Christmas that way than shooting for a perfect Christmas. Tree,
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  Speaker 1: and a perfect layout and spread on the table, and
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  Speaker 1: a perfectly cooked meal and a perfectly balanced diet, and
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  Speaker 1: a perfectly wrapped gift. The perfection is irrelevant. It's about
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  Speaker 1: playfulness so much more so. That's my first one.
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  Speaker 2: What is your second?
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  Speaker 1: My second one, I'm going to get a bit deep
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  Speaker 1: on this one. We've made no secret of the fact
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  Speaker 1: that we have a faith background, and so Christmas is
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  Speaker 1: a really sacred time of year for us. It's a
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  Speaker 1: time where we celebrate the birth of the individual, the
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  Speaker 1: person that we believe is the most important person to
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  Speaker 1: ever walk the planet. It's a time of reflection, it's
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  Speaker 1: a time of recognizing Jesus in our lives. And so
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  Speaker 1: I want to add purpose. Now, you don't have to
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  Speaker 1: be religious for Christmas to be a time of purpose.
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  Speaker 1: But I think that when we consider the meaningful aspects
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  Speaker 1: of Christmas beyond consumerism and the surface level celebrations, and
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  Speaker 1: we intentionally create traditions and develop shared values and connect
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  Speaker 1: with the spiritual or the philosophical significance of the day
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  Speaker 1: and of the season, it makes the day beautiful. And
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  Speaker 1: so we have traditions around the purpose of Christmas in
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  Speaker 1: our home where we open up the Bible, and we
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  Speaker 1: read the Bible story from Luke chapter two and from Matthew,
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  Speaker 1: and we spend time in that, and we spend time singing.
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  Speaker 1: Not just root off the red Nose Reindeer and we
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  Speaker 1: wish you a merry Christmas, but we spend time singing
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  Speaker 1: silent night. And there's something deep and profound and meaningful
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  Speaker 1: about having the pee of purpose in Christmas. This is
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  Speaker 1: the pe that I think transforms Christmas from a potentially
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  Speaker 1: chaotic event into an opportunity for really intentional family bonding.
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  Speaker 1: A few years ago, I read a book called Born
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  Speaker 1: This Happy Morning, and it introduced this idea of three
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  Speaker 1: levels of Christmas. Level one is Santa and jingle bells
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  Speaker 1: and decorating gift giving, and that's the level that most
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  Speaker 1: of us are pretty happy going for on a Christmas day.
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  Speaker 1: Level two is about remembering the reason for the season.
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  Speaker 1: That is the beautiful, important part of Christmas. The Shepherds
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  Speaker 1: Joseph and Mary, a baby born in a manger. But
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  Speaker 1: level three Christmas is the love of Christ that he
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  Speaker 1: would not only be born as a babe, but that
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  Speaker 1: he would die on the cross for our sakes. And
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  Speaker 1: I know there are a lot of people who are
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  Speaker 1: listening who are not religious and might be rolling their
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  Speaker 1: eyes or getting ready to push the fast forward thirty
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  Speaker 1: seconds move to the end. But whether you've got the
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  Speaker 1: religious tradition or some other purpose behind it, when we
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  Speaker 1: invoke purpose and bring that into our conversation, when we
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  Speaker 1: make that part of our Christmas, it feels different. It
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  Speaker 1: gives it a depth and meaning that I think is
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  Speaker 1: so valuable, and it's something that I'm looking forward to
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  Speaker 1: on Christmas, even on Christmas Day as we celebrate that
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  Speaker 1: level of Christmas with our kids as well.
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  Speaker 2: Four gifts you won't find wrapped under any Christmas tree,
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  Speaker 2: but will make such a difference to the way you
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  Speaker 2: experienced Christmas this year. Peace, presence, playfulness, and purpose. So
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  Speaker 2: we hope this makes your Christmas a merry and bright one.
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  Speaker 1: We really hope that it's peaceful Christmas. We'll be back
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  Speaker 1: tomorrow on the Happy Families Podcast with outmast I'll do
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  Speaker 1: better tomorrow of the year. Thank you so much for listening.
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  Speaker 1: The Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
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  Speaker 1: Bridge Media. For more information and details and ideas about
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  Speaker 1: making your family happier, visit us at Happy Families dot com,
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  Speaker 1: dot au,