Latest / Christian Mix 106 On Demand / Upright Christian Parenting - Treehouse Storytelle... - Are Extracurriculars Robbing the Family Unit?

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Upright Christian Parenting - Treehouse Storytelle... - Are Extracurriculars Robbing the Family Unit? · Christian Mix 106 On Demand

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Hey friends, welcome to the Upright Christian Parenting Podcast,
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season four, part of the Treehouse Storyteller family, and I'm your host, Hannah Peru.
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This is your place for upright parenting in today's sideways culture.
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We don't tiptoe around hard truths around here. We tackle cultural issues head
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on, build a bold biblical worldview, and equip you to lead your flock with courage.
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Our kids are being discipled by something, so let's make sure it's us.
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Grab your coffee, lace up your shoes, and let's raise kingdom arrows.
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Hey guys, today we're going to be a little controversial. Is that okay?
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Not popular opinions coming at you right now, but I think that's kind of normal.
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I think you're used to it.
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So modern families, guys, we're not merely just busy.
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We are being quietly discipled by hurry, by screens, by extracurriculars,
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by convenience, outsourced spiritual influence.
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The biblical home was never meant to be this pit stop.
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So many of us are just hitting home in between all the hustle and bustle and
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all of the craziness that life is throwing at us.
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But it really was meant to be one of those primary places where faith is taught,
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faith is modeled, it's confessed, celebrated, corrected, and passed down.
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Oh my goodness, like there's a legacy plan here.
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This episode really should challenge parents to recover the home as a center
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of discipleship and not by rejecting sports, school, church programs, or youth ministry,
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but by refusing to let those things, replace God-given responsibility of our mothers and fathers.
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So guys, if we are going to change the world, we've got to start in our home.
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I've said it countless times before.
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And one of the things that we're going to talk through today,
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I'm going to kind of throw at you is what are our priorities?
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How should we be shifting those priorities? And what does that look like in our home.
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So let's get to it guys.
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So our dinner table is under attack. And no, I'm not just talking about sports
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schedules, although that can totally play a huge role and we'll talk about it.
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There's homework, there's phones, there's drive-through meals.
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And there's kind of this like, what starts with this one little thing has spiraled
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into many of our homes and really pulled us out of our home.
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And many Christian homes have traded this fellowship with each other,
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the family fellowship for chaotic conveniences.
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And then we're scratching our head wondering why our kids feel disconnected. Why are they anxious?
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Why are they spiritually shallow? Why aren't they getting it?
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And more shaped by the world than by the word.
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We're letting the world disciple and shape our kids.
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So let's look at some practical ways that that's happened and what we can do about it.
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So let me be clear, this episode is not demonizing the sports team,
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demonizing schools, although they demonize themselves pretty easily.
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I'm not attacking coaches. I'm not attacking youth pastors.
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Guys, I love a good coach. I love a good youth pastor.
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I am pro-athletics. I am pro- healthy movement with our kids,
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but I'm going to have a little bit to say about this, if not a lot to say about
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this, of how we're doing it wrong.
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And, you know, it's really about a harder question,
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And it's, have we handed our children's discipleship off to everyone else while
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we sit here exhausted in the passenger seat of our own homes?
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So let that settle in. You know, really, we are running carpools. We're the taxi mamas.
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Let's just kind of think about what it looks like in our life.
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So I've got some key scriptures that this is not the first time.
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You're like, Hannah, you say the same ones.
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Well, the Lord has given us some very vital key scriptures in scripture.
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And if you've not memorized them yet, this is your opportunity.
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Okay. So Deuteronomy 6, 4 through 9, you shall teach them diligently to your
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children and talk of them when you sit in your house, when you lie down.
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Like this is literally like an anchoring passage here.
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Open it up. Talk to your kids about this passage. Have this conversation with
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your spouse. Get on the same page. That is half the battle right there is being
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on the same page with your spouse.
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Change doesn't happen if it's one-sided. Then that's where fights happen, actually.
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So we need to be on the same page with our spouses here when we're raising our
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kids, because I think it is really easy to start to bicker over this stuff if we're not in unison,
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your uniformity or unity on the topic. So.
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So God does not describe discipleship as something that only happens in these like formal settings.
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Okay, we're not just like experiencing this at church, but we are experiencing
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this in the scriptures. He says when we are sitting in our house,
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when we walk by the way, when we lie down, when we rise.
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So maybe in modern language, this could be, hey, we are talking about his commands
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at the dinner table, in the car, before bed, during our morning routine,
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after practice, when we're doing our chores.
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The issue is not that the family needs to become monks or, you know,
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completely religious on this, but we need to recover intentionally,
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the keyword being intentional, because we can have busy lives and we can be on the go.
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But if we are intentional in the place that we are, that will make all the difference.
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When my kids were public schooled for a couple years, I'm not saying I did this
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perfect, But one of the things that did bless us when I chose to do it was driving the kids to school.
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This is just the oldest two. I would pray with them. I would talk to them. I would armor them.
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Hey, what are we going to do to spread Jesus today? What are we going to do
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to get along with our friends? What should we do to be kind to others?
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Are we going to be respectful in our classroom? Are we going to respect our teacher?
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We had those intentional conversations about bettering ourselves towards acting
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like Jesus, and then I would cover them in prayer.
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I didn't do it perfect. I didn't do it every single day, but oh my word,
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the days that we did it, I saw the fruit of that. So being intentional in the car is a must.
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Being intentional in those moments of void when you could just kick back,
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let the kid be an iPad kid, you put in your podcast, and you're listening to
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me and we're not talking to our kids.
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So pause me if you're listening to me in the car and pray with your kids,
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talk to your kids, have those moments be intentional.
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And they fall asleep, put me back on.
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So here is another verse that we will look at, Joshua 20, 415.
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But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
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And Joshua does not say, as for me and my house, we will attend events together.
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He doesn't say, as for me and my house, we will outsource our spirituality to other adults.
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He says, we will serve the Lord. So really take time to sit with that and ask
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the Lord, hey, what does that mean? Like, what are you calling me to do with
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my kids? You have instructed me.
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You have entrusted me with these kids.
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What does that look like for me and my house?
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And this really, guys, has to be, I know probably a lot of mamas are listening,
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but this needs to come from the father.
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I really believe it has to come, like start with you guys if your husband is
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not on board, but this needs to be like.
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Husbands, I am talking to you here. This is a father leading the household.
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Fathers must be the head of the home here.
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And it has to start here. Otherwise, the statistics are not going to be with
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us. Okay, we're going to be an uphill battle if it's just us mamas trying to do this on our own.
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So it requires the God headship and leadership of the role of the father, the role of the husband.
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It requires decision-making from the top down.
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And guys, here's where it's going to get a little dicey.
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It requires saying no to some good things so that we can ultimately say yes
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to the most crucial things. Okay, so let me say this again.
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It is going to require that we say no to some good things, okay?
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No is a good word to have in our parenting vocabulary, not just for discipling
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or disciplining our kids, but for setting boundaries and for prioritizing our life.
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We will get onto that more in a minute. So Psalms 78, 4-7,
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one generation must tell the next generation we will not hide them from their
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children but tell them to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the lord and it continues.
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So faith is not meant to be hidden in our church buildings and occasionally
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brought into the home but it's meant to be rehearsed and remembered and retold
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through family to family and family within the family.
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We are not telling our children what God has done. Someone else will. Ding, ding, ding.
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Okay, so parents, you guys carry the primary responsibility.
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So Ephesians 6, 4, here's another good one.
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Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline
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and instruction of the Lord.
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Guys, this is critical. The command is not given first to the school building.
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Not to the coach, not to the government, not even first to the youth pastor.
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It is given to the parents, especially fathers as spiritual leaders in the home.
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I know we're freshly coming off of Father's Day as I'm recording this,
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and it is so important to uplift the father and to give him this God-given role.
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I think, you know, I'm just going to,
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just go off here on a tangent for a second, but I think us as women,
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we can be very strong-headed.
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The Lord has made us all very good at planning, very good at—at least a lot
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of us are wired this way, obviously, not everyone—but a lot of us can.
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Run forward with certain plans with the kids. We can manage the household.
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We can manage a schedule. We can do all of these things.
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But if we do it without the guidance of the husband, without the guidance of
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the father, and we jump the gun without coming to each other and having that conversation first,
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I think we're missing an opportunity.
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And I think we're emasculating his role as the father.
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Guys, I am 100% for so many,
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beautiful things that we can
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do on our own or that we can do equally as well, but there is a biblical,
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submission.
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There is a biblical order. I'll put it this way. That word submission scares
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off a lot of people. It's a good word, guys, when we understand what it really means, but when we.
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Submit to the order that God has given us where He is the head of all,
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and then He has given the man to be the head over the family unit and over the wife.
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It is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
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And I say this because I feel like it is abused on both ends of the spectrum.
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Either a woman feels like she doesn't need a man, she doesn't need anything,
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she can do this all on her own, misindependent, she is missing out on the blessing
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that a man can be in her life.
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And she is missing out on the blessing of the way that the Lord has designed
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marriage to be and the family unit to be.
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And think of it as like a big giant umbrella that God wants to cover you with
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so that you're protected.
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It is not an oppressive situation. It is not you being under a boulder. It is an umbrella.
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And it is a wonderful thing when it is done biblically.
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There have been moments in our marriage where it isn't operating biblically
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and that isn't beautiful but it's beautiful when it's operating as god intended it to be okay so,
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just had to throw that out there then there's the other spectrum where it is,
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oppressive and it's being abused on the other side
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and um when freedoms are taken from women, and I'm not talking about the womb
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here because 100%, oh my goodness, let me be clear, don't take this too far.
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I am 100% pro-life, okay?
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Babies in the womb, pro-life. I'm not talking about that kind of freedom for a woman.
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That is the world's view of freedom for a woman. That's not our conversation today.
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But when we are in a position, in a marriage, in a relationship that is supposed
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to be biblical, and yet the husband is...
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Really coming on too strong and abusing his role and not leading in a godly
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manner, that is also not in God's plan.
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So there's kind of these two extremes that we often find ourselves in.
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And I think that's where most of the offense happens.
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And there's very few, obviously we know that the road is narrow.
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And I also believe that that means that the road is narrow to understanding sometimes.
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Like, hey, whoa, we're missing the point. Like the funnel is really smaller
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and God has this like perfect, perfect line of marriage and this perfect line for family.
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And we're kind of like jumping off track here. We've got to like stay on the
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road with him and walk that out.
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So those are my two cents tangents there.
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I'll try and keep it more to script here, but I just felt like I had to address that.
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We have a lot in the news right now with the Southern Baptists and the belief
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of no women should be allowed to be pastors.
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I personally disagree with that. I also believe it is not a.
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A salvation issue. So if you disagree with me, we can still be friends,
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we can still get along, but I'm finding that the other side of that road doesn't agree.
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They believe that it is a salvation issue and absolutely heresy if women are
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pastors and if women are teaching men, then they are not theologically sound and so on and so forth.
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I've been in a lot of very interesting conversations the past couple weeks,
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and I want to be clear on my stance there. I 100% stand by my women pastor friends.
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I think it can be abused. I think it can be done wrong, but I think a male pastor
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can abuse his role and can abuse the situation and can be theologically inaccurate also.
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We are all human. We have all fallen short. Just because there is a man as a
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pastor does not mean he is perfect.
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Uh i think we all know that very very sadly too well so we have to,
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you know know that anyone that is stepping into the role of being a pastor elder
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is held to a higher standard typically that is spelled out,
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and oh my goodness i personally believe that.
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The way that i interpret scripture is that women are so capable of being led
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by the Holy Spirit just as much as men are capable of being led by the Holy Spirit.
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And let me tell you this, if Jesus met me in my prayer time,
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met me on the street and said, Hannah, go say this or go do this or say this,
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in church or go pray over this person or go lay hands on this person.
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I would much rather see a woman be obedient to the voice of God instructing
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her to do something than to say, oh, well, I'm not allowed to do that, God.
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Who are we to put God in a box? He can utilize anyone.
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And we see over and over again in scripture, especially during Jesus's time
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on earth, as a human flesh, we see him operating with women.
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We see Paul operating with women.
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And working alongside each other in the ministry. And so I 100% believe that
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God can work through a woman just as beautifully as through a man.
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Is it more rare? Yeah, it's more rare.
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But is it amazing when he gives us that calling? Yes, totally.
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Okay, there's your opportunity to unsubscribe or unfollow Hannah or share me if you agree.
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So let me know what you think on that.
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I would love to hear your views on that.
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I have a wonderful episode with my sister-in-law, who is a pastor, Chrissy Miles.
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It's earlier this episode.
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Earlier this season, I think January or February, you can find that episode.
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And we talk about that from a more biblical approach than what I just kind of
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gave you, generally speaking, just now. So feel free to dig through and find that episode.
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And if I am organized when I launch this, I'll put the episode link in the show notes for you.
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So, yeah, I think that it is something to talk about, but at the end of the day,
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we need to look at, is God being glorified or is man being glorified?
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If God is being glorified, then that matters most.
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Is God's word being taught?
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Okay, then let's hear it.
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Are people coming to the Lord because of a woman's voice? If so, then praise the Lord.
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You know, we have to look at the end result and we cannot just put a label on
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someone because they are a man or a woman and say that that is ultimately the answer.
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I think we have to look and see what God is doing because our God is a God that,
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cannot be boxed in. He works without outbound and,
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You know, the end times, if we are not living fully in them, they are 100% near.
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And biblically speaking, we are told to be ready and that the time is near.
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And the Bible tells us that women will prophesy and men will prophesy.
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And old men will have dreams and young men will have dreams.
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I mean, there's these beautiful signs of Jesus's return that has to do with
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raising up certain people groups.
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And the more that I see anyone talking about Jesus, that is to be just a thankful
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and grateful experience and not to be one where we condemn.
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And ultimately, each person will have to come to the Father one day and give
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an account for their life.
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And I am not going to sit here and cast stones at someone who is doing the best
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they possibly can at preaching the gospel and giving God the glory.
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So I think that's one of the most important things that we need to do.
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And guys, we cannot be Christians who argue with each other over some of these
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topics that I would believe are to be secondary topics.
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If it is not a salvation issue of how we are eternally with Jesus,
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then it is really not something to bicker on.
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And we need to be unified as a body of believers.
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And guess what? Guess what I'm going to say? Oh, she's going to say it.
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That happens first inside our home.
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We have to unify ourselves with our spouse. Then we have to unify ourselves
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with our children, then with our families, then with our neighbors,
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then with the church body, and then we can unify with people online and across the world, okay?
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We cannot do the across the world part first and expect everything else to fall
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in line. It's got to start right here of where we are and then filter out from there.
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Before we jump back into today's conversation, we want to take a moment to thank
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the partners who helped make this podcast possible.
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One of those partners is College of the Ozarks, an institution committed to
22:57
Christ-centered education, hard work, and developing leaders of character.
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Take a listen to this special message from College of the Ozarks.
23:25
You know, when I thought about college, I knew that I wanted to do something
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that I was ambitious. CVO opened my eyes to the opportunities that were out there for me.
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Our model of providing a Christian liberal arts education to those facing economic
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hardship hasn't wavered since 1906.
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Our students graduate debt-free through our work education program.
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They learn how to live a life guided by their faith.
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And as they begin their careers, they've learned how to take their seat at the
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table of influence and open the door of opportunity for others.
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Being an assistant principal has allowed me to pour into kids the way that people
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have poured into me and open up doors and opportunities to things that they didn't.
24:20
So we have confused our schedule.
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We have confused activities with fruitfulness. What do I mean with that?
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A calendar full does not equal a full life.
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Our calendar is really going to kind of speak the truth about our life.
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So one little exercise that I encourage you guys to do with this episode is
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open up your calendar. Be like, all right, where is, like picture it like a budget.
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You open up your bank account. I know with our bank, we can kind of click this
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budget and it shows us like a pie graph and a pie chart.
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And now I'm just hungry for pie.
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But it shows us this pie chart of like, Hey, your bulk expenses,
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I think ours is always on food.
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Food is our number one because we love eating really healthy and we don't go
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out to eat really much at all. So it's like groceries. We go to the grocery store all the time.
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So it shows like, here is our, you know, chunk of the pie that we're spending on food.
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Here's the chunk we're spending on our mortgage. Here's the chunk that we're
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spending on entertainment, which is like negative in the negatives,
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probably here, here's the chunk that we're spending on,
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probably at the feed store, like whatever it is, like all the different things
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that we spend money on, whether it's travel or, um, you know,
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electrical bills or whatever that is.
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And so you kind of see budgeted out your expenses and what you are spending
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your hard-earned money on.
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Well, you also have hard-earned time.
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We only get so much of that. We cannot make more of it, but we can prioritize it.
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And so I kind of want to like do this little experiment with you guys and like
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look at the pie of our time.
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Like, okay, how much of my time am I on the road driving in circles? That's a lot sometimes.
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How much am I, you know, sitting on my screen?
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How much am I in front of my phone? How much am I on a screen?
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How much am I scrolling? How much are we watching movies? How much are the kids watching TV?
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How much are we outside?
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How much are we just playing? and being? How much are we resting?
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How much are we in the Word?
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Look at your life. What are our work hours? I mean, obviously,
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that's going to be a big one for us that work.
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How much are we sitting down with our kids and discipling them?
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How much are we attending church? What does that look like? Just kind of get the big ones.
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Maybe your top 10 or top 15 if you have a more extracurricular busy schedule,
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and you know like for my kids like we have extra things that we do but you,
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what does that look like? What does that look like for you guys?
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So most families, I think most, at least many families are exhausted,
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but they're not spiritually fruitful.
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So we're constantly moving, constantly spending time and money and energy and
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effort, constantly driving. I know this because I spend a lot of money on gasoline.
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We are constantly coordinating our schedules, but we're rarely communing with each other.
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So I don't know, like we, here's some examples. So we know everyone's practice
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schedule, but do we know the condition of their heart?
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Ooh, that was rough, wasn't it?
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We track tournaments.
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But are we tracking spiritual growth? We make sacrifices for maybe a scholarship,
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or an opportunity, but are we making sacrifices for family worship?
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I'm not being religious here, and I'm not condemning you. These are thoughts to stir you on.
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I want to be your iron, and I want you to be mine. Iron sharpens iron.
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And the only way that we grow is with accountability. We can't grow for not
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being accountable to each other.
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And I know I can't physically call each and every one of you and say,
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hey guys, how are you doing on X, Y, and Z?
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But what I can do is talk through it here and ask for your obedience alongside
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of mine and say, hey, can we do this together?
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Like, hey, can we lift each other up? Can we pray for each other?
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Because I'm certainly going to pray for you for this because I want this to
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get better in my life and I want it to get better in yours. And I think if we
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can figure this piece out, we will have a lot of freedom in our family life together.
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We're going to have more freedom in our schedule. We're going to lessen the
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stress and anxiety levels, and we're going to have more space for worshiping as a family.
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So let's keep digging into some of these, okay?
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So, we spend hours on sidelines, but struggle to spend 20 minutes around the table.
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That's a huge one, the family table. We've talked about this in other episodes. It's huge.
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We might ask, like, hey, did you win?
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But have we asked, hey, how's your soul? How are you feeling? How's your heart?
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Jesus said for what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits
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his soul Matthew 16 26 is where that is.
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So what does it profit a child to gain a trophy or a scholarship or resume social
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status but lose their soul in the process,
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I'm being dramatic I'm not trying to be dramatic,
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maybe a little.
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This is a big issue. This is a huge issue in our culture because our culture
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says, hey guys, by age five, you should be doing competitive football and be
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on your way to getting a scholarship.
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And you're not going to make it if you're not in this competitive travel team
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by sixth grade and you're never going to get into high school football.
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And then if you don't get into the high school football league,
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then you're never going to get a scholarship, and then you're basically pointless
31:14
and worthless and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's what our culture says.
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Guys, when I was a kid, sports started, like maybe middle school.
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It was never on the weekends, like never.
31:28
That was family time. That was weekend. That was what a weekend meant.
31:34
And somewhere along the line, we gave into a little, we gave into a little more,
31:38
and now we don't have the ability to go to church?
31:42
We invite people to church all the time, and they can't come because they have
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X, Y, and Z competitive thing on a Sunday morning.
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Wow. We have just handed little by little over to culture.
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We have forgotten what it means to sacrifice time for the Lord.
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Not even to mention we know anything about what a Sabbath looks like.
32:13
So our dinner table, our family room, it needs to be more than just a bunch of fancy furniture.
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We might have like the coolest looking restoration hardware dinner table.
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I do not have that. My husband made our dining room table actually.
32:31
But you might have the fanciest table ever.
32:35
But do people actually gather around it? Or does it just have like a really
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nice table setting on top of it and just look Pinterest perfect all the time? because,
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I think that's what a lot of homes look like. Hey, let's eat out so my table
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still looks nice. Hey, let's just grab this.
32:57
Guys, we need elbow dents to be on the table from praying around it.
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We need scuffs all over that thing.
33:06
We need markings from gathering with pen and paper and journaling and writing
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and learning things together.
33:17
We need we need spilled drinks,
33:22
on our couches because we've spent so many hours gathering together as a family
33:28
that we have spilled stuff we have stains,
33:34
i think that is so much cooler than having the Pinterest perfect set of furniture.
33:46
So throughout scripture, we see that meals really matter. We see God proves,
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or provides manna in the wilderness.
33:55
Passover is centered wholly around a meal.
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We see Jesus eats with sinners. He feeds the 5,000. The early church breaks bread together.
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The Lord's Supper is this meal of remembrance.
34:10
So we see that the table or this like idea of meeting together around a table with food,
34:18
are all these different things in scripture it's remembrance it's conversation
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it's confession gratitude teaching laughter reconciliation and blessing there's
34:28
so many more things but that's like skim the top,
34:32
the table's not where we just consume calories but it's where we cultivate our souls.
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We grow our heart posture towards Jesus.
34:45
So family meal is not just this little tradition that, you know,
34:51
died off in the 80s, but it's this act of resistance against a world trying
34:58
to scatter and break apart the family unit.
35:01
You guys have to realize this is what's happening.
35:04
It's just this little tiny giving in. Just this little teeny tiny giving in.
35:11
Every so small, every year that goes by with your kids, you give a little more.
35:15
Okay, we'll sign up for that one next thing.
35:18
Guys, we have lived fully in those seasons and we've come out on the other side.
35:25
My older daughter used to be in competitive dance, and I am not.
35:34
I'm not 100% competitive dance. I am 100% against a year-long program that robs the family.
35:44
I think that's where you have to draw the line. There are things that we can
35:47
do where the family unit can still find time.
35:52
And then there are things that we sign up for that we realize when it's too
35:57
late, I don't see my daughter anymore.
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I don't know when we only can eat together on these two nights of the week.
36:08
She wasn't part of the family table dinner multiple nights a week.
36:16
And that's where it starts to become unhealthy. That's where I think we're starting
36:21
to sacrifice too much, and we start to lose ourselves in it a little bit.
36:32
So, you know, really the heart of this episode is, you know,
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what are we outsourcing?
36:38
And what do we need to bring back? Like, what do we need to just reel back and
36:43
go, wait a minute, this needs to fall on my time. This needs to fall on us.
36:48
We need to assume responsibility here.
36:54
So let's let's reveal teachers aren't bad coaches aren't bad i want to stop
37:00
myself and actually say well some are,
37:03
but i'm not saying a blanket a blanket line that it's bad to outsource some
37:08
teaching it's bad to outsource some coaching and pastors like and youth leaders
37:13
like those things are good.
37:15
They're not the enemy, but it is not their sole responsibility to raise your kids.
37:22
They're not replacements for us, mom and dad. Okay.
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We are the main deal.
37:30
The problem is not that our kids have these teachers, have coaches, have youth pastors.
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Praise God for the faithful ones. We have faithful ones in our life.
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I'm so thankful for them.
37:42
But the problem is when parents begin to function like they're subcontractors in their own kid's life,
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and we are called to shepherd our kids, we need to be the main ones shepherding them.
37:59
Proverbs 22.6, train up a child in the way he should go. We know this one.
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Ephesians 6, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
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Deuteronomy 6, you shall teach them diligently. Okay, these are just little excerpts.
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Go back to all of those. God's design is not occasional programming.
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It is daily discipline and discipleship with our kids.
38:29
So sports are not evil. Activities are not evil. Extracurriculars are not evil.
38:37
But they can be something that we begin to worship if we don't prioritize our lives appropriately.
38:47
And that is for each and every one of us to decide on our own and know what
38:51
our limits are, know what our schedule looks like, just like we have to budget
38:55
our finances. I can't tell you what to do with your money.
38:58
I can't tell you where exactly every dollar needs to go to. You need to have
39:04
that conviction and those conversations within your family and your marriage
39:09
to know what that looks like.
39:11
Likewise, I can't tell you exactly what to do with your time.
39:14
I can't tell you what programs to sign up for and which ones to not.
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I can tell you which ones have gone woke. I can do that.
39:20
But I cannot tell you exactly which program is right for your kid and right
39:25
activity to sign on the dotted line and give away your time to.
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That needs to be a conviction between you and your family and the Lord.
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And I think there are really excellent programs that we can say yes to that
39:39
are not bad, but saying yes can rob them.
39:43
And there's a decision that we need to make with some of our kids' extracurriculars
39:48
that were going into the fall going, hmm.
39:53
We could sign them up for this, but is that going to be beneficial or are we
39:58
going to lose the ground that we started to gain?
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We might start to lose some of the ground that we have already gained back.
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Do we want that? Do we want to sign up for it? So that takes prayer and discernment
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and allowing the Lord to speak to us.
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And then it takes us to be faithful and obedient to what He's calling us to do.
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So let's be fair here. So sports, extracurriculars, programs,
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dance, music, you name it.
40:30
They can teach discipline, teamwork, hard work, practice.
40:34
You know, you always have the kid that wants to get from A to B in two seconds,
40:38
but they've got to do all the things in between the points A to B to get there.
40:42
They actually have to put in the time and the effort. Like those are good skills to learn,
40:48
it teaches endurance it teaches persistency to be to be faithful and practicing,
40:55
it can teach humility uh resilience when when something starts to kind of fall off,
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um it can teach respect for authority,
41:06
um but it can also become an idol where like that's all your family knows how to do,
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so signs that activities might become too central in your life,
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here are some signs, okay?
41:18
Church has become optional, but tournaments are not.
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So most programs, you sign on a dotted line that you will not miss a competition
41:28
or a tournament or a match or whatever it is, but we don't sign on a dotted line with church.
41:36
One, because God's given us grace. He knows our heart, and there is grace for that.
41:41
But, oh man, where is our priority there when churches become the option?
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What is that saying to our kids when we allow that to be optional?
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Family dinner disappears.
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That is a big one for me. Family dinner is so important. We have hard conversations over dinner.
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So it might be too central if parents are emotionally ruled by their child's performance.
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We've all seen the crazy sports videos where the parents are yelling at each other.
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Now, they're probably not really following Jesus to begin with,
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but this is where we can see that really taking a hold of their life.
42:37
All right, they might become too central if the child's identity becomes tied
42:43
to being that athlete or that performer or whatever it is. If that is their
42:47
sole identity, that's a red flag.
42:51
Also might be a red flag if the siblings are constantly drug along to this one kid's activity.
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Are our finances strained because we're afraid to step away from this activity?
43:09
Does the calendar lack margin for rest, for worship, for hosting friends over,
43:19
for serving outside of our family?
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Do we have that in our calendar space? Is there anything there?
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Right now it's summer, and so it's such a good, I just really felt,
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you know i was having a conversation with the lord the other day and i just
43:35
really felt like man summer is such a good time to reprioritize and like look
43:40
at like just lay everything out because usually over the summer,
43:44
things have a little bit different course,
43:47
and we can kind of take that time to reprioritize before we fully commit to the fall,
43:54
and we made some really big decisions last summer and it changed our lives for the better and,
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the fruitfulness of our family unit just exploded in its capabilities because we made one big change.
44:12
So I'm wondering if there is one change that we made that made such a difference,
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is there one change for you that can make such a positive influence in your family unit.
44:25
All right, so if a child learns discipline for the game or the sport or the
44:32
activity, but they haven't learned discipline and devotion to Christ,
44:38
we have trained them physically, but we haven't trained them spiritually.
44:49
This is a big one, guys. Like this literally, this is so counter-cultural.
44:56
And I haven't really even talked a whole lot about Sunday mornings, but man, like,
45:04
the statistics of churchgoers is so down still.
45:12
And the only way we're going to get that back up and see families return to
45:17
church is by reprioritizing because so,
45:21
many families are sticking to the plan of nope we have sports on sunday we can't we can't make it,
45:29
so it's just it is a darn shame,
45:34
so first timothy 4 8 starts out for a while bodily training is of some value
45:42
godliness is of value in every way,
45:46
so bodily training has value i train mine every day i teach my kids to train
45:51
theirs but scripture you know scripture does not discount training the body,
45:59
but it reprioritizes that training the godliness is greater value so we have
46:08
to see that priority shift there.
46:12
So the home is the first church your children experience, and how we set up
46:17
that home is going to really set them up for how they're going to,
46:22
like what perspective they're going to have.
46:25
This could be, you know, really, really impactful for what they learn.
46:31
So children often form their first understanding of God through our life at
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home, okay? So what we do within the walls of our home matters so, so much.
46:40
So kids learn forgiveness by watching their parents repent or apologize.
46:45
They learn grace by how discipline is handled. They learn prayer by hearing us pray.
46:54
They learn worship by seeing what our family prioritizes.
46:58
They learn biblical authority by how Scripture is honored in the home.
47:04
And they learn love by how people speak to each other.
47:09
So we have to look in the mirror of our own lives and see what we are portraying.
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So before your child understands a sermon, they're reading your life.
47:20
They're reading you and your spouse's life. They're looking at mom and dad and
47:25
seeing how you prioritize your life. Is your life so jam-packed on your calendar,
47:29
you've got no room for everything else? Well, that's what they're going to mimic.
47:32
They're going to learn that model.
47:38
So are we just hurrying? Are we just achieving? Are we just portraying an image?
47:44
Are we seeking convenience, entertainment? Are we exhausted?
47:49
Or are we Christ-centered? Are we repentant? Are we grateful?
47:54
Are we patient when things are hard?
47:57
Have we set aside time to worship, set aside time to serve? Do we have joy?
48:05
We need to start reclaiming the home. We can reclaim our calendar.
48:09
We've got to reclaim our home.
48:13
So here is my challenge for you. We've got this activity. Look at your calendar
48:18
together. Make a little pie graph.
48:21
See what your time budget visual represents.
48:28
My other challenge for you is start with just one non-negotiable family meal per week.
48:37
Maybe that's a family meal. Maybe it's a family meeting.
48:41
Maybe it's a family breakfast. It doesn't have to be dinner.
48:46
Maybe it's a Sunday night. Maybe it's attending church on Sunday. Wouldn't that be crazy?
48:53
Just, I mean, just go all in here.
48:57
Do not begin with something that's unrealistic. Find a goal that's like,
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okay, we can do this as a family.
49:03
This fits in our current schedule. This fits with our current life.
49:08
We can set aside this time at this exact day, this time doing this thing.
49:16
And have no phones, no TV, unplug.
49:23
You guys know about my candle night when we do candle nights they're incredible
49:28
start with one candle night or one campfire night if you guys,
49:32
have a campfire set up at your house like do that one night a week and talk
49:38
to each other pray together eat together communicate,
49:43
talk about the hard things talk about what's good talk about what you're thankful
49:47
for like get all of that out on the table.
49:53
Here's some conversation prompts. Where did you seek God's kindness this week?
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What was hard this week? Is there anything you need prayer for?
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What are you thankful for? Go around, ask all the kids, and you guys have to
50:08
answer too. It's not just the kids.
50:11
What's one thing you've learned from scripture, or maybe from church, maybe from youth group?
50:17
Hey who can we encourage or serve this week what's something that we can do
50:21
for someone else and like set those priorities in your home.
50:28
Here's example two. Practice short family worship.
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I didn't say long. I didn't say complicated. Short and easy.
50:37
Put on some worship music.
50:38
Open the Bible. Read a passage together. Prioritize.
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Even this is just one time a week. Start there and see how a blessing it was.
50:48
See the blessing. See the fruit.
50:51
The cool thing about fruit is that you tend to want more.
50:56
I've been on a cherry kick. I can't eat one cherry. I need to eat like 30 cherries.
51:01
So when you get that bite of like really good fruit, you want to keep eating it.
51:07
It's like the really, really sweet, yummy watermelon slice. I'm not a fan of
51:13
spongy, just gross watermelons. I need like the good summer,
51:18
like Indiana Midwest watermelon.
51:21
Then I'll eat like 20 of them. And that's usually not a good idea.
51:25
But fruit is so refreshing.
51:31
And we start to crave it when that's what we have.
51:35
When we have artificial sugar, oh man, I'm just, you know, I'm a girl of analogies.
51:40
The Lord just threw this one at me.
51:42
So we've got artificial sugar over here.
51:45
You crave it. It really does nothing for you. Just keep craving it.
51:49
It is not beneficial. It does not help you. It does not heal your body.
51:53
It does not really hydrate you or give you any benefit.
51:56
It actually is hard on the brain. It is harmful. It does all of these things.
52:02
It feeds. I'm not a doctor or a nutritionist, guys. Don't take medical advice
52:06
from me, disclosure, blah, blah, blah.
52:08
But I think it's evil. Like artificial sugar, processed sugar, cane sugar, bad juju.
52:16
But then you've got real fruit from the vine, from the plant,
52:19
from the life source, it's good for you. It's healthy.
52:25
You'll want more of it for good reasons.
52:29
So trust the fruit. See where that fruit is actually showing up.
52:33
The artificial sugars or the cane sugars, those are these activities that are
52:40
giving us the dopamine hits and the feel-goods,
52:45
but you've got to ask yourself, is it really producing fruit or is it just like
52:51
throwing sugar on my life that I'm still going to come back void and empty and
52:56
we need something deeper?
52:59
That's the question. That's really the question.
53:04
Are the extracurriculars giving us the fruit or are they robbing from us?
53:11
And that can be, yes, they are. That can be the answer.
53:16
It depends on what it is. It depends on your family. It depends on what you guys have going on.
53:21
We are in a crazy huge season of life where we are in the process of,
53:30
growing a church moving its location fostering growth for the church i'm running a podcast,
53:42
i released a new book this year my husband's being promoted in the marine corps
53:47
he's traveling for the military He still has his day job.
53:53
Our kids are in extracurricular. We've got, just to name some,
53:56
we have violin, we have drums, we have dance.
54:00
Probably forgetting something.
54:03
Mountain biking.
54:06
But we have to look at those and break them down and go, okay,
54:09
during this season, we can focus on this. But during this season,
54:15
that's not going to be a priority.
54:17
We've got to find those times to dial it back or to push in a little bit more.
54:26
If those things are becoming more fruitful in those certain seasons,
54:30
that's where we all have to come to terms. We all have to face the Lord and
54:34
say, God, help me prioritize my calendar.
54:38
Help me go into this fall season because it's almost July.
54:43
We have the whole back to school shabam really just a little over a month away.
54:48
I'm sorry I rushed it. I made it sound so soon. We still have,
54:52
you know, maybe eight solid weeks of summer left.
54:56
But that's really going to go by very quickly. and we need to really...
55:05
Pray through before it sneaks up on us. What is our next year going to look
55:10
like for our family? What's that going to look like?
55:13
What is one thing we can say no to?
55:17
What's one thing we can reprioritize? What's one thing we can say yes to that's
55:22
going to bring more fruit into our life and bring more togetherness and fruitfulness to our family?
55:29
That's going to grow our family and foster our family and disciple our family
55:33
towards Jesus, towards His heart for us, towards His will. What's that one thing?
55:39
So I'm praying for you guys this week. I'm praying that the Lord just reveals
55:43
some amazing things to you that He helps you prioritize. Please reach out if
55:47
you have a story or a testimony to share with us. I'd love to hear about it.
55:52
I won't share your name, but I would love to speak of God's goodness and give
55:56
Him a testimony because His testimonies are so beautiful, and we really need
56:02
to share them with each other more often.
56:06
And I have an incredible one of how the Lord has saved a big piece of our family
56:11
time this past year, and it's been amazing.
56:15
So one of these days, we're going to dig into the Sabbath more.
56:19
I skimmed over it. I acknowledged its existence.
56:24
I still need to read Charlie Kirk's book.
56:27
Ironically, my calendar has been too full. I need to literally prioritize time to read about rest.
56:34
So the irony there, maybe you guys can hold me accountable and be like,
56:37
finish Charlie's book already.
56:40
So guys, let's just repent of our,
56:46
our hurriedness, our busyness, our full calendars, and ask the Lord to multiply
56:54
our time by showing us something that we can pull back from,
56:59
some way that we can reprioritize,
57:02
maybe a way that we could overlap something that would free up time in another area.
57:09
So guys, this is so good.
57:14
I just hope that you take on the challenges that i gave you and ah i love it,
57:23
so the devil does not have to make your family hate each other if he can simply
57:29
keep you too busy to know each other.
57:33
Think about that for a second. So let's not give the enemy any grounds.
57:39
Let's shut that down now. Let's pray that away. Let's rebuke that and say,
57:44
you do not have any hold on our family.
57:48
We are going to give our time, our hard-earned money, we're going to give that
57:54
to the Lord and let Him multiply and bless that.
57:59
If today's conversation stirred something in you, if you're craving a little
58:02
more quiet, a little more presence, and a little more Jesus in the everyday,
58:06
I want to invite you to grab the Wanderer's Field Guide.
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it's about coming home to Him.
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